Dear Thelma: Who will take care of my spastic son when I am gone?
Do you need a listening ear? Thelma is here to help. Email lifestyle@thestar.com.my. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views. Those contemplating suicide can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935 / 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999 / 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp); Jakim’s family, social and community care centre (011-1959 8214 on WhatsApp); or Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929 / email sam@befrienders.org.my / befrienders centres in malaysia).

Dear Thelma,

My heart is very heavy and my mind is filled with concern for the future. I am a 65-year-old mother to a beloved son, who is 30 years old.

I am deeply worried about what will happen to my son when I am no longer around to care for him.You see, my son has spasticity, and caring for him has been the centre of my life since he was born. He is my only child, born from my first marriage, which unfortunately ended with the passing of my husband. I have since remarried, but my current husband and I have no other children together.

As I am growing older, I find myself increasingly concerned about what will happen to my son when I am no longer here to look after him. While my husband loves my son dearly, he is not his biological father, and I worry about whether he will be able to provide the same level of care and support that I have given throughout the years.

I have tried to plan for the future as best as I can, setting up savings and making arrangements for my son's care, but the thought of him being alone and vulnerable after I am gone keeps me awake at night. I worry about who will understand his needs, who will advocate for him, and who will love him unconditionally as I do.

I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders, knowing that I am responsible for the well-being of my son, but also recognising my own limitations as I age. How can I ensure that my son will be taken care of and supported when I am no longer able to do so myself?
Dear Thelma,Spastic,spasticity,caregiver,ageing,family support,support network
I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders, knowing that I am responsible for the well-being of my son, but also recognising my own limitations as I age.