Input:
 Write a chapter about threesome scenarios and tips, including:

1. Advice on first meetings, such as meeting in a public place, considering whether going home together the same day is an option, and avoiding bait-and-switch situations.
2. Information on getting the party started, including making light of awkward tension, initiating touch, and transitioning from small talk to sexy talk.
3. Tips on three-way massage, including using massage as a form of nonverbal communication and as a way to practice giving and receiving feedback.
4. Strategies for focusing on inclusion, such as keeping everyone involved at all times, using your words to make requests, and offering to switch places so everyone can take turns getting attention.
5. Advice on being the center of attention, including giving feedback and direction, engaging in cooperative camaraderie, and using your words to assign jobs to people.
6. Information on check-ins during play, including asking open-ended questions, offering a break every so often, and giving positive feedback to everyone else.
7. Discussion of selfishness and generosity, including reframing the idea of being selfish or greedy and focusing on generosity.
8. Tips for planning for a second threesome, including enjoying the experience you're having and knowing you can do it again sometime.
9. Advice on dealing with an imbalance of attraction, including making sure no one feels left out or undesirable.
10. Information on giving lessons, including approaching it delicately to not step into comparison territory and framing it as an entirely positive thing.
11. Suggestions for sex games, such as sexy charades, sensation games, strip tease, truth or dare, and sexy trivia.
12. Information on toys, props, and supplies, including harnesses, dildos, butt plugs, prostate toys, vibrators, vibrator add-ons, wedges, waterproof blankets, and lube.
13. Tips on making sure everyone is satisfied, including asking if everyone is satisfied, not assuming someone has had an orgasm, and making sure everyone is feeling good before the activities come to a close.
14. Information on the end of the night, including exchanging pleasantries, not lying to be polite, and ending the evening on a positive note.
15. Advice on engaging in new kinds of sex, including making sure everyone knows your level of experience, asking for direction and feedback, and not panicking about operating genitals you're not familiar with.

Response:
CHAPTER

15

THREESOME SCENARIOS AND TIPS

First Meetings

If the plan is for a threesome, then all three people need to meet up. And while the idea of a three-person date may seem a little foreign, it can ultimately be the same as any first date youd go on with one person.

Like any first date—especially those arranged on the internet—you want to look out for everyones safety and comfort by meeting in a public place. Daytime coffee or tea is always a good choice if it works with everyones schedule. If youre meeting in the evening, people often opt for a bar, so just decide if drinking is within your boundaries for the date, especially if theres possible play the same night.

Hopefully youve already decided if going home together the same day you meet is an option, because that will inform when and where you meet. You may have more flexibility when planning the date if its not going any further this time around.

Consider options that come with some kind of activity. Whether its pinball or arcade games or even pool, having something to do can help facilitate conversation and fill any moments of silence. Seeing how someone plays a game is also a great way to learn about them as a person and potential lover. Are they being cooperative or making things about themselves? Are they being pushy? A little competition really brings someones personality out.

When youre setting up the date, remember that any kind of bait-and-switch is a big red flag. If youve been talking to a couple and then just one of them wants to meet, thats suspicious. Likewise, if youve been talking to a single person and then they plan to bring a friend or partner, sometimes to "just watch," there is a conversation to be had.

If you are planning on play or sex, especially during a first meeting, consider a club or party space for additional safety. As weve discussed, many clubs have bars or other social areas, so you can still have the nonsexual part of the date there. However if you do want to transition to play, theres space for that too, without having to give someone your address or go home with people you dont know very well.

Very important—dont be pushy! Just because you think the date went well doesnt mean its going to lead to sex that night— or ever. Make sure the other person or people feel comfortable saying no. Being pushy is not only the wrong thing to do, but its a great way to turn someone from a maybe to a no. After all, if youre pushy on the date (or by message), why should they think their no would be respected during sex?

Getting the Party Started

So youve found your people, youve done your negotiations, and youre all in a room together. Now what? It can feel hard enough to initiate sex with one person, but with two? There can be double the awkwardness.

One of the best ways to break awkward tension is to make light of it. Just say out loud that youre feeling nervous or awkward and then everyone can admit theyre feeling it too, have a laugh, and move on.

Awkward giggling aside, it can feel tricky to actually move things from sitting on the couch to making out, or to heading to the bedroom. Even if youve agreed youre all there for a threesome, you still need to transition from small talk to sexy talk.

To do this, someone needs to take one for the team and initiate. This can be as simple as saying something like, "How about we move this to the bedroom?" or "May I kiss you?" You can also initiate other forms of touching first, like suggesting you take turns giving massages to each other.

You can even share how youre feeling at the same time as initiating touch. How about, "Im feeling nervous but Id love to kiss you." Or if youre the third with an existing couple, you could say something like, "It would be really hot to watch you two kiss." Usually once theres some touching or kissing, everyone remembers how to have sex and things start flowing in a way that feels comfortable and natural.

Even with two people, trying to read cues and guess what someone is up for is risky business. With three people its basically impossible. So prepare to have to suggest things out loud, with your words, and also to ask each time you want to change activities.

If one person in the group has more experience with threesomes, it can even be part of the negotiation in advance that theyll take charge of the situation.

Even if youve done a thorough negotiation in advance, its a good idea to cover key points right before you get down to business. And starting this conversation is also a great prelude to starting sex.

Try something like, "So, you said you like spanking?" And voila! Youre talking about the sex youre about to have, while also having a chance to reaffirm likes and dislikes.

Its also a good idea to confirm boundaries about barrier use (like condoms and dental dams) and make sure everything that was agreed upon is on hand. Keeping lube, condoms, gloves, and anything else youre going to use within arms reach will help avoid the awkwardness of going hunting for supplies once things are hot and heavy.

And while most of us keep these items in the bedroom, maybe in the nightstand, try to think about everywhere sex might happen. Ive heard of people forgoing condoms in the heat of the moment because things got hot and heavy in the living room. So if your date is starting on the couch, just put a decorative box on the coffee table with some supplies in it. That way you wont need to break the flow to go looking for them.

Three-Way Massage

Theres a reason I keep using massage as an example—its a sensual activity we can share to give and receive pleasure, and the communication required translates well to the communication we need during sex.

To use a three-way massage as an introduction to a threesome, decide whos going first, with the understanding that everyone will take turns. Then decide on an amount of time— maybe ten minutes—and set a timer. Have a negotiation about styles of touch and if any body parts are off limits, and then get started.

The simplest version of this is to cycle through who is getting massaged for ten minutes each. Hopefully by the end of that half hour, youve all gotten comfortable enough with touching each other to transition to the bedroom. But there are some additions you can make as well.

You can try practicing a form of nonverbal communication by how you position your arms. The person receiving the massage keeps their hands by their sides when they want the massage to stay tame, lifts their arms out to their sides if they want it to ramp up a little, and raises their arms above their head if they want all areas of their body touched, potentially with a sexual component, depending on your negotiations.

The arms, and intensity, dont have to move only one way, You can raise and lower your arms as many times as you want during your time period, to keep adjusting the intensity of the massage.

This exercise serves a few purposes. First, the same as any massage, it gets everyone comfortable with touching and being touched. But second, and importantly, it gets everyone comfortable with giving and receiving direction about what forms of touch and play are happening. Doing this exercise will help people learn to give and receive feedback, and also make it feel safer to do so. As you cycle through more and less explicit forms of touch, youll see that transitioning from one to the other and back again doesnt have to ruin the flow, or ruin anyones good time. And thats an important thing to remember once youve moved to the bedroom.

Another exercise to try is simply using your words to make requests. As someone is being massaged, they make a request of one or two of the other people, and those people say thank you. As the request is being fulfilled, theres also the option to modify the request. That could go something like this, "Sam, would you please squeeze my shoulders?" And then, once hes doing it, "Could you do that a little harder?"

Getting used to making requests and giving specific direction is going to make the sexual play a lot easier. But most of us dont get a lot of practice doing this. So it can be really helpful to set the tone at the beginning of the evening that asking for what you want is encouraged and celebrated.

Focusing on Inclusion

Dont let someone in your threesome become the third wheel. Unless one person explicitly states they just want to watch, try to keep everyone involved at all times.

There are a lot of ways to include someone in the moment, even if they arent the star of a particular activity. Sure, given the logistics of sex, sometimes one person might have less of a role, but that doesnt have to be the same as being left out. Simply putting your hand on the third persons body or making eye contact can go a long way. A third person leaning in for kisses while the other two are engaged in penetration can also be incredibly hot.

Another great way to participate is by helping guide the motion of one or both of the other people. Is someone thrusting their hips? Put a hand or hands on them, and help guide the motion. Someone performing oral sex? You can do anything from petting their hair to pulling their hair/pushing their head, depending on what dynamics youve negotiated.

Need more ways to involve yourself in the action? Try asking, "That looks like a lot of fun, can I be next?" Or, "That looks really hot, can I join in?" Or "Can I kiss you while youre doing that?"

Feeling left out can be incredibly vulnerable and can trigger fears of not being wanted or desired. In the face of those feelings, asking to be included can seem scary. Try to remember that everyone was excited about the idea of a threesome and everyone wants you to be there. But if simply diving in feels easier than talking, try stroking someones arm or back. These kinds of touches can be really nice during a threesome, as they reinforce the "more hands and more sensations" dynamic. Also, a touch like that can sometimes prompt the person to turn and touch or kiss you in return.

You can always take matters into your own hands (literally) and start touching yourself. Either using hands or toys, you can snuggle in beside the other participants and masturbate with a personal live sex show right in front of you.

On the flip side, if you notice that someone is less involved, try to give them something to do. Ask for kisses, or ask if someone wants to switch places so you can all take turns getting attention. Ideally everyone will ultimately get what theyre hoping for, so swapping out every so often doesnt mean missing your chance— it just means more forms of play and maybe more anticipation.

Its also okay to take initiative! Its easy for people to get carried away or distracted during a threesome—theres a lot going on! If you go into it expecting to be left out, that expectation can be self-fulfilling.

If theres a moment when youre feeling ignored, see if theres a way you can dive back in. Its far more likely that a particular activity is distracting, and youre not being intentionally left out. Chances are the other two will be delighted to welcome you into the mix.

Its also okay to take a little break and just watch. One of my favorite things about threesomes is getting to watch a partner from angles I dont usually get to see. It can be incredibly intimate and hot to watch your partner with someone else. Even if youre not usually a voyeur, see if you can take pleasure in getting to witness these intimate acts, and pause long enough to really enjoy this experience youre having.

If none of these solutions sound like a good fit, examine whether its about being left out or maybe just feeling done. Its okay to call it quits, either for yourself or for the whole group (depending on whats been negotiated around this). On the other hand, sometimes a bathroom break or a trip to the kitchen for some water or a snack is all it takes to fortify yourself for another round.

Center of Attention

Being the center of attention is often a love it or hate it position. Some people simply cant get enough attention or stimulation, and other people hate the idea of being in the receiving role. This is helpful information to know about yourself, and your partners, before diving into a threesome.

Why might someone be the center of attention? Maybe the threesome is in honor of a birthday or anniversary or other celebration. Or maybe one person is the tie between the other two—such as in a _V_ triad. Or maybe thats simply the way sexual attraction shakes out.

Read on to find lots of options for positions that center one person. But what about the dynamics? If someone is being centered, its a good idea to make that the explicit understanding. It should probably come up during your negotiation to make sure thats what everyone wants.

The person being centered should also be ready to give feedback and direction. This is even more important than in two-person sex, because now youve got three people trying to coordinate their efforts. This is also a great dynamic for the other two, or the _givers,_ to engage in some cooperative camaraderie. Again, dont be afraid to use your words. The more you can assign jobs to people, the easier things will flow.

Check-Ins During Play

Threesomes are not for the "talking ruins the mood" crowd. Even if youre with an established partner and feel like youve got a routine down, this is a whole new ballgame. Not only is there likely to be someone in bed with you that you havent had sex with before, this may be a new experience for you and a partner, too. So existing patterns and habits wont cut it.

Asking "Is this okay?" is better than nothing, but it doesnt give you a ton of information. Yes, we want to make sure everyone is okay at all times, but thats also a low bar. Not only that, but the question comes with some unintended pressure for the answer to be "yes."

Even if thats not how you mean it, remember that people are generally worried about other peoples feelings, and may have tendencies towards people-pleasing. In that context, theres pressure to say yes when asked if youre okay, unless things are really horrible.

Try questions like, "How do you like to be touched?" and "Is there anything that would make this better?" In general, open-ended questions will get you the best information, but they also put people on the spot. People who arent used to talking a lot during sex will often do better when given a choice between two things. In the context of a massage, that could be a question like, "Would this feel better harder or softer?" In a threesome, or any sexual context, you could ask, "Would you rather I go down on you or use my hands?"

When giving a choice between two options, not only does the other person have to do less thinking, but it can feel easier because theres no wrong answer, and neither choice seems like it will hurt the other persons feelings. What I mean by that is, if you ask if something is okay, you want the answer to be yes. You want your partners to be enjoying themselves, and the person youre asking knows that. But if youre asking about oral sex vs. hand sex, thats a win-win. There are no bad answers, and your question doesnt suggest a preferred response.

Its also a good idea to offer a break every so often. Yes, anyone can ask for one at any time—but sometimes that feels difficult to do. To make it easy on everyone, try to suggest a break every thirty minutes or every hour. Or between any big shift in activities. It doesnt mean play has to stop for the evening, but its a good idea to take bathroom breaks and get some water, anyway. It can also be a good time to check in and to see what activities people are interested in next.

Be ready to have different responses than you usually do. Kinds of touch that are usually a turn-on might be distracting. Activities that you arent usually in the mood for might seem like a great idea. This is part of why you need to keep checking in with each other and with yourself. Your body might not be responding in the same ways it usually does, and you might not even notice until youre asked.

Check-ins are also important for giving positive feedback to everyone else. Theres a good chance everyones at least a little nervous—from the usual sexual jitters to wondering how the different dynamics are going to play out. So offer reassurances where you can. If youre enjoying something, say so! If something is hot to watch, speak up.

Especially if theres an existing couple in the room, theres a good chance everyone is going to be waiting to see if jealousy is going to kick in, or if everyone is having a good time. So if youre part of a couple and youre loving every minute of it, find ways to give encouragement. Say things to the new person like, "Its so hot seeing you touch my partner." Or say to your sweetie, "Im so turned on seeing you kiss someone new." Youll find ways to say it in your own voice, just remember that everyone is eager for positive feedback.

Selfishness and Generosity

Try to reframe the idea of being selfish or greedy. _Greedy_ is often thrown at people who have multiple partners, and its a common insult hurled at bisexual folks. It implies that love or sex can be in short supply, and that some people are taking more than their share. But none of these things are a zero sum game.

The same is true for the word _selfish._ A little selfishness can be a good thing! Our culture shames selfishness so much that people dont realize theyre allowed to take care of themselves or stand up for their own interests. But what you really need to be careful of is that youre not looking out for yourself _at the expense of anyone else._

So be selfish. Just make sure youre encouraging other people to be selfish too.

In fact, with threesomes, it can be helpful if someone leads the charge. So if theres something you want or something youre excited about, say so! Getting your fantasies started can help get the ball rolling, and thats good for everyone. Just make sure that you consciously shift focus to include other people, unless its been negotiated that the threesome is all about you.

One of the best tips for any kind of sex, including threesomes, is to focus on generosity. At any given moment, is there something you could be doing to bring pleasure to someone else? Something you could say? Or do with your hands or mouth? This ends up working out for everyone, because if each person is being as generous as possible, everyones pleasure will be centered.

Believe it or not, selfishness and generosity are not mutually exclusive. We can be selfish in ways that dont harm anyone else and we can be generous in ways that dont harm ourselves. In fact, when were looking out for ourselves, we have more to give to others (just like putting your own mask on first in an airplane emergency drill).

Plan for a Second Threesome

If youve been thinking about having a threesome for a while, youve likely got a long list of things you want to try. And realistically, youre not going to be able to do them all in one encounter. Try to simply enjoy the experience youre having, knowing you can do it again sometime.

This is also a helpful outlook to take if youre feeling a little left out, or like someone else is getting the bulk of the time as the center of attention. Just like with any sex, sometimes one persons pleasure ends up front and center. And thats okay, as long the overall relationship or series of encounters seem balanced.

If the threesome isnt feeling exactly how youd hoped, ask yourself if you need to fix it right now, or if its simply giving you ideas for what to propose for next time.

Imbalance of Attraction

Human beings are far too complex to expect three people to all have the exact same level of attraction and chemistry with each other. Does that mean a threesome wont work? Of course not.

While everyone has to get along and have some degree of attraction, that doesnt mean it needs to be a perfect balance. Everyone just needs to be into it, whatever that means to them. And people can have different reasons for being aroused or interested. Maybe one person isnt super into the third for themselves, but really likes seeing their partner with someone theyre excited about, and thats reason enough to be in the experience.

Whats important is making sure that no one feels left out or undesirable because two of the people are really hitting it off.

Giving Lessons

A threesome can be a great opportunity to give or receive a lesson in a sexual skill. While this needs to be approached delicately to not step into comparison territory, if everyone is feeling comfortable, there is a lot of learning potential.

If youre going to try using a threesome to learn something new, make sure its framed as an entirely positive thing—a chance to explore and have fun—not as an insult to someones existing skills. This is about play and exploration, not putting anyone down for their current experience level or skill set.

This format can work well if someone is new to a particular kind of sex, or a particular kind of genitals. I had a sweet threesome with some friends of mine, a man and a woman, where the woman was curious about sex with other women but hadnt had many chances to experiment. After lots of kissing and snuggling, I ended up being the demo model while the man gave her a lesson on hand sex.

He would show her how he was using fingers inside of me, and then shed try to do the same thing. Not only did the touch itself feel good, but the vulnerability of someone learning a new skill can be a beautiful thing to share. It can also lead to a playful and exploratory atmosphere that allows for lots of talking and laughter, where its okay to say "whoops" or to try the same thing several times.

Its also helpful to frame this as playful exploration time. Once we call something sex, or even a threesome, thats when assumptions come into play. We have a mental script for how that will go, or what outcomes were looking for (like orgasms for everyone.) But there are many other ways to interact with multiple people that can be fun, sexy, and satisfying.

Sex Games

You know those games they sell in the bachelor/bachelorette sections of the sex shops? While generally pretty silly, a threesome or group sex scenario can actually be a good time to bring them out. Theres nothing quite like having dice to roll or cards to pull to help shake you out of a threesome lull or some momentary awkwardness. It can also help to do something absolutely ridiculous to break any tension that has built up and to remember that this is supposed to be fun and playful.

If youd like to play some games of your own, here are a few ideas.

Sexy charades—Describe what kind of sex youd like to have without using any words at all. Just gestures. As a bonus, once someone guesses correctly, you can all act it out together.

Sensation games—Pull items from around the room or around the house and blindfold one person. Then have them guess which object is being used at any given time. Try anything from ice cubes to hairbrushes to create a variety of sensations. Playing a game like this that involves touching can be a great way to break the ice and get things flowing more smoothly.

Strip tease—Pull out your favorite playlist and take turns doing a strip tease or lap dance for each other. Youll feel awkward at first, but it gives you an "excuse" for clothes to start coming of, and people will quickly be into it and stop being self-conscious.

Truth or dare—Play nice! If youre going to try this one, take advantage of the format, but no mean tricks. Make sure you negotiate the parameters of the game before you start. For example, maybe all the truth questions are about favorite sex positions, ways you like to be touched, and sexual highlights from your past. And maybe the dares stick to things above the waist—taking off a shirt, kissing someone on the mouth, neck, or chest . . . things that still count as breaking the ice.

Sexy trivia—Find a set online or make your own questions. Ask about sex scenes from tv and movies or songs with especially risqué song lyrics. You can ask questions about sex scandals from the news and even famous legal cases that have shaped the way we view sex today. People are bound to get answers wrong, and thats a great chance for a bit of laughter and lighthearted teasing. Or maybe you even add a strip element to the game. Each wrong answer loses you a piece of clothing.

Hide and seek—No, Im not suggesting someone curl up in the antique hope chest. In this version of the game, you hide an agreed upon object. Maybe a small piece of cloth or a feather, etc. Person one gets to hide the object somewhere on person two, while person three isnt looking. And then person three has to find it. Make sure you discuss what areas of the body are on and off the table for this. And then, within your negotiated limits, enjoy a sexy frisking.

Toys, Props, and Supplies

With multiple people comes multiple levels of stamina. So its a safe bet that some people will start to wear out before others.

Toys can come in handy if one or more people are winding down, and someone else is still looking for stimulation. Theyre also a great way for people to stimulate themselves, or for a third to lend a hand while the other two are involved.

Adding toys to the mix can also open up options for far more sexual positions and fantasy scenarios. For example, a strap-on is a fantastic addition to a threesome. There are such a wide variety of strap-on options that you can even get strap-on harnesses that fit over thighs, over boots, or across the chest. They add a great deal of flexibility to the ways bodies can combine. Strap-ons that accommodate a penis can be helpful when the person with the penis wants to give penetration but doesnt have an erection.

If youre buying your first harness, you may want to go to a shop where you can try one on. You can also find companies online who will design a harness to your exact measurements. There are many different styles, and youll want to find one thats the most comfortable for you.

For example, you can get harnesses in both a thong and jockstrap style. Personally, I prefer the jockstrap style, with an open back. Not only are the straps flattering to the ass, but they allow genital contact if you want to receive touch or penetration while youre wearing the harness.

Consider your material of choice. While many harnesses come in leather, that also makes them more expensive and more difficult to clean. Leather is porous so it can never be truly sanitized (and trying will harm the leather.) If youre going to be playing with multiple partners, you may want to get a nylon, fabric, or vinyl harness so it can be more thoroughly cleaned.

Another useful threesome toy? Dildos! Even if no one is wearing a strap-on harness, dildos are great to have around. Make sure your dildos are made from silicone or another nonporous, sani- tizable material. Toys made from glass or stainless steel are easy to clean, making them a good fit for use with multiple partners.

Dildos are available in a wide range of styles, from ones intended to look realistic to ones made in wild colors and even glitter. It can be nice to have a couple different options on hand. Consider smaller toys if anal penetration is going to be one of the activities.

Here are some other toys to consider.

Butt plugs—When youre getting a toy for anal play, make sure its well made and intended for that purpose. You want something that is made in body-safe material and also has a flared base or wide handle. Make sure the base is wider than the widest part of the toy, and also that the neck of the toy (between the wide part and the base) is long enough for your body to close around it.

Butt plugs come in a variety of shapes and sizes and can be a great addition to play with one, two, or three people. Because of their shape and wide base, they can be put in place and then left hands-free, so you can focus on other things. All the while, they provide some extra stimulation.

Prostate toys—While butt plugs provide general sensation, toys made specifically for prostate play are shaped to provide directed stimulation. These toys will usually have a curve to their shape, to better reach the prostate. Some are dildo or vibrator style, and will need a hand on them to keep them in place, and some, like Aneros toys, can be used hands free. The hands-free options are especially nice for group play because, like the butt plug, you can put the toy in place and then focus on other activities, all while experiencing the extra stimulation.

Vibrators—Vibrators are a great toy to have on hand no matter who the players are. A cordless, wand style toy is my personal go-to. While the wands might seem large and intimidating at first, their long handles make it easier to reach the right spot from a variety of positions, no matter who is wielding the toy.

Vibrators are an especially nice toy for a third to wield, in order to help out with sex that might otherwise be duo focused. Anything from missionary to doggy style positions can benefit from some extra stimulation. A vibrator is also a great option for engaging in safer play. With gloved hands and toys like vibrators and/or dildos, you can have all the sex you want without any skin to skin or fluid contact.

Vibrator add-ons—Wand-style vibrators come with a number of additions to help them do more specific jobs. They come with silicone covers for different textures, dildo-style attachments, and also sleeve-style attachments for use on penises.

Wedges—Wedges, like those made by Liberator, can help make many more sex positions possible, or just more comfortable. Theyre sturdier than a pillow, so they can raise your hips (for oral sex, for example) without squishing back down. They also make wedges that have slots to hold a vibrator, so you can lean over one while receiving penetration from behind, or any other number of positions.

Waterproof blankets—Whether youve got a squirter in the mix or just want easier clean up, it can be helpful to throw down a waterproof blanket before play. That way no one is stuck in the wet spot, and you dont need to change your sheets before going to sleep. They come in a variety of sizes and colors, so youre bound to find one that works with your decor.

Lube—A sex must have! From solo sex all the way to an orgy, good lube is an essential supply. But not all lubes are created equal. Read the ingredients to make sure everything is body safe. Unfortunately, many commercially available lubes, like those youll find at the drug store, contain ingredients that arent good for you. For example, youll often see glycerin as one of the ingredients, and thats a sugar derivative—meaning its likely to give people with vulvas a yeast infection. If youve got a sexpositive sex toy store in your area, check them out and talk to their employees. Or check out one of the trusted online shops from the resource section.

Another thing to look out for is compatibility with toys. Silicone lubes cant be used with silicone toys, as theyll degrade the material. So stick with water-based lubes when using silicone toys.

Kink toys—Everything from rope to floggers to paddles to whips to feather ticklers! If this is your cup of tea, grab a book specifically about kink or check out one of the online retailers from the resource section to see what grabs your eye.

The great thing about adding kink to a threesome is it gives you even more possible combinations of bodies.

Masturbation sleeves—A masturbation sleeve is something thats made to slide a penis into. They come in a wide variety, everything from a TENGA EGG, which is a thin sleeve you hold with your hand to provide a different sensation and texture than you can achieve with your hand alone, to things like a Fleshlight, which come in their own case.

A wide variety of styles are available. Some allow varying degrees of pressure to be applied, and some have a hard case. They have all different shapes of openings as well as internal textures.

Some of the handheld sleeves can even be a nice addition to a hand-assisted blow job.

Cock rings—Cock rings come in a number of styles, but the basic idea is that they go around either the base of the penis, or both the penis and testicles, in order to trap blood in the erection. Many people also simply enjoy the sensation of the tight squeeze. Cock rings are also available with a bullet vibrator to provide either stimulation to the clitoris of someone being penetrated, or additional stimulation to the wearer.

Making Sure Everyone Is satisfied

How do you know if everyone is satisfied? You ask! Dont assume someone has had an orgasm, or as much touch as theyd like, without verbal confirmation. All too often one person climaxes and then just assumes the party is over, and they transition to snuggles—or worse, hop out of bed to shower or get dressed.

Its important to not only hear what someones needs and desires are before getting into bed, but to make sure those needs and desires have been met before hopping out. Sure, not every fantasy is attainable, and sometimes things dont go as planned. But within reason, you should make sure that everyone is feeling good before the activities come to a close.

A threesome (or any group sex) is a marathon, not a sprint. Keeping that in mind, pace yourself. If you know that after an orgasm youre done for the night, try and hold off until everyone has gotten what they want from the experience before you climax. And if you are worn out and need a break, see if you can be a supportive audience member if the other two are still going strong.

Simultaneous orgasms are rare enough for two people, and are simply not going to happen for three. So be prepared to shift focus as everyone gets what they need to leave the experience happy.

Maybe this means someone masturbates while the other two people touch and kiss them. Maybe this means someone has toys used on them. Its understandable if things are lower energy by the end of the night, but there are mellow ways to share pleasure.

I cant emphasize this enough: make sure no one is made to feel "needy" for having needs. This is true in all sex, and doubly true with threesomes, group sex, or when trying new things. Basically, any time someone is feeling extra vulnerable, its important to honor that vulnerability with gentleness.

Need more suggestions for how to keep going when your energy is waning? What about getting comfy and participating with dirty talk, or tossing suggestions at the two people still playing? You could even grab a book of erotica to read aloud, or find some hot porn to play for the whole group.

Threesomes and group sex can definitely be more exhausting than twosomes, but making sure everyone feels taken care of and leaves happy is the best way to ensure that there are more threesomes in your future.

The End of the Night

Of course youve already pre-negotiated how the night is going to end. Youve decided if theres going to be an overnight, and if not, who is staying where. So maybe your end of the night is everyone curling up in the same bed (with someone in the dreaded middle spot), or maybe somebody, or everybody, is going home.

Just like at the end of any date, youll want to exchange some pleasantries. And just like any date, its a bad idea to lie in an attempt to be polite. Dont say "lets do this again sometime," if thats not really what you want. You can always just say thank you.

Assuming everything went mostly well, try to end the evening on a positive note. Thank everyone for being there and for sharing themselves, and if theres something that stands out from the evening, now is a great time to mention it. You can share what your favorite moment was or something that was especially hot for you. You can thank someone for helping you have a new experience.

These end-of-night kindnesses are a good idea whether youre laying the ground for a second date or simply sending people home feeling happy about the experience.

Engaging in New Kinds of Sex

As weve discussed, having a threesome could mean your first chance to explore a brand new kind of sex. That could mean sex acts youve never tried before, or it could mean sex with new kinds of people, or it could even be both at the same time! Here are some tips to help that go smoothly.

First, make sure everyone in the room knows what your level of experience is and what youre hoping to try. Also, share how youre feeling. If youre nervous, say so. If you want to go slow, say so.

Next, make sure the person youre trying the new thing with is ready to give you a lot of direction and feedback. Some amount of feedback is always necessary with sex, even if youre not trying a new thing. Every body is unique, and youll always need to learn the way a new person likes to be touched. But especially if the acts or the kind of person are new, youll need not only direction for its own sake, but for reassurance. Ask questions like, "Do you like this?" and "Does this feel good?" Along with open ended questions like, "How do you like to be touched?" It can also be helpful to ask for guidance with a question like, "Will you show me what you enjoy?"

If youre having sex with a person of a gender youve never had sex with before, remember—were more alike than different. Start by thinking about how you like to be touched, and how your other partners have liked to be touched, and from there just ask questions.

When it comes to operating genitals youre not familiar with, dont panic. I promise, theyre not as different as you think. In fact, were all made from the same stuff—just arranged a little differently. Whatever youre touching, start gently and then ask for guidance. Questions like, "harder or softer?" or "faster or slower?" apply no matter what part of the body youre working with.

I know from my clients that performing oral sex on unfamiliar genitals can be particularly intimidating. People also seem to use this as a "test" for whether theyre really into a particular gender. First of all, you never have to prove your sexuality. But I understand the impulse. I still remember the first time I went down on another woman. I really wanted to see how into that— or not—I would be, as though that would say something about my identity.

But because of that eagerness, I was doing it with the first person I had a chance to do it with rather than someone I was romantically interested in. It turns out that genitals on their own arent necessarily exciting for everyone. So dont put too much stock in your reactions to a particular activity. Not only that, but plenty of people simply dont care for performing (or receiving) oral sex, regardless of sexuality or situation.

All that said, here are some oral sex tips:

▶ Enthusiasm counts more than technique. People like to see signs that you want to be there, and that youre enjoying what youre doing.

▶ Make eye contact.

▶ Make noises that indicate enjoyment.

▶ Tell the person that they taste/smell/look good. Were all self-conscious about these things.

▶ When going down on a penis or strap-on, remember that deep throating skills are a nice party trick, but not at all necessary for pleasure.

▶ Using your hands isnt cheating! If youre going down on a penis, hold it in your hand for stability and extra stimulation. If youre going down on a vulva, you can take breaks to swap out with your fingers, or combine penetration with your fingers (after asking first!) with oral stimulation of the clit and labia.

▶ You dont need to keep going until the other person has an orgasm. Its totally fine to switch up activities at any time, or to ask them to help out by touching themselves.

▶ If you dont want cum in your mouth, thats okay! Just ask for a heads up, and you or they can finish by hand.

Remember that one of the beautiful aspects of a threesome is the ability to try new things. And its okay to not enjoy every new activity you try. Think about it like going to an ice cream shop. You get the taster spoon of a bunch of flavors before you decide what goes in your sundae.


Input:
 Write a chapter about various threesome positions, including:

1. Sweet Kisses, which is a simple position where a third person kisses one or both people during two-person sex.
2. Mutual Masturbation—For Three, where everyone can see everyone else and touch themselves while getting turned on by watching others.
3. Side by Side, where three people sit on a couch with the person in the middle receiving attention from both sides.
4. Doggy Plus Oral, which is a classic threesome position where one person is performing oral sex while being penetrated from behind.
5. Doggy Sandwich, where two people are in the missionary position with a third person behind them, allowing for kissing and genital contact.
6. Spit Roast, which is similar to Doggy Plus Oral, but with the person in the middle being penetrated at both ends.
7. Eiffel Tower, which is a spit-roast with the addition of the two upright partners high-fiving each other over the middle partners back.
8. Double Penetration, which is a common threesome porn classic where two penises or dildos are in the same hole.
9. Double Straddle, where one person lays down and two people are on top, one mounting a penis or strap-on and the other sitting on the bottom persons face.
10. Tag Team, which is similar to Double Straddle, but with one person standing and penetrating another person (vaginally or anally) while the third person sits on the second persons face.
11. Double Oral, where two people perform oral sex on the third.
12. The Oral Switch, where one person kneels and switches back and forth between giving oral sex to two other standing people.
13. Oral Sex Train, where three people are arranged so that everyone is giving or receiving oral sex.
14. Daisy Train, which is a triangle position where everyone is going down on someone while someone goes down on them.
15. Chain Link, which builds off of doggy style by adding a third person in the back who provides penetration.
16. The Math Equation, which is a 69 with an additional person added on.
17. The Reverse Straddle+, where someone lays on their back and someone straddles them, but instead of facing them, they are facing their feet, allowing for a third person to go down on both people at once.
18. Spoons, which is a comfortable position for sweet and tender sex that can accommodate three people.
19. Bukkake, which generally describes multiple parties ejaculating onto one person and can be a hot option because of the taboo aspect.
20. The Voyeur, which is a position where one person watches while the other two people have sex.
21. The Handmaiden, which is a modified missionary position where one person lays back against the headboard while another person lays back against them, allowing for emotional and power dynamics to play out.
22. Taking Turns, which is an option for people who want to take things slow or simply prefer to focus on one person at a time during a threesome.

Response:
CHAPTER

16

POSITIONS

The Nitty-Gritty

What does it look like to add a third person to sex? Weve talked about a lot of logistics to get you there, but what do you actually _do_ with a third person in bed?

When thinking about positions, remember that there are a wide variety of ways to be the giver or the receiver. Think beyond penetration, and when penetration is involved, think beyond a penis.

For example, imagine the missionary position, perhaps the most well-known sexual pose. Theres no reason that has to be a cis woman on her back and a cis man on top—it can be people of any gender on either side of the equation. Maybe the person on the top is wearing a strap-on. Or maybe the person on top is simply reaching a hand between their bodies and penetrating or stroking with fingers. Rethink everything. Penetration can be vaginal or anal, and external stimulation can be for any genitals at all.

Here are some ideas for how to arrange three bodies, with the above flexibility in mind.

Sweet Kisses

Remember at the beginning of this book when we talked about expanding our definitions of a threesome? One of the best and easiest ways to have a threesome is by keeping things simple.

Imagine any two-person sex position youre used to, then imagine it with the third person kissing one or both people. Yes, it can really be that simple. Maybe that means missionary sex with the third person laying alongside the bottom and kissing them, while occasionally leaning up to kiss the top. Maybe its three people laying alongside each other, touching and kissing. Maybe its just a three-way make-out session that lasts for hours and hours.

While your threesome fantasies may include some varsity-level positions—and may even require some specialized athletic training—when it comes down to it, just having a third person in the room is going to feel exciting.

Mutual Masturbation—For Three

Mutual masturbation is always a great way to share intimacy and excitement—while also getting exactly the kind of touch you want, and having the safest sex possible, with yourself.

Mutual masturbation is frequently suggested as an option for two people, but why not for three? Find positions where everyone can see everyone else. Maybe spread around the bed, leaning up against the headboard and footboard. Make sure everyone has enough room to move, and keep some lube and toys within reach, too.

Now, everyone gets to touch themselves in whatever ways they enjoy most, while in full view of everyone else. You get the turn-on of seeing other bodies and other peoples pleasure, while also maintaining a little bit of space. This can be the main event for the encounter, or it can be a great way to start or finish a threesome.

At the start, it can work as incredibly sexy warm-up. Everyone gets to see what theyre soon going to get to touch, while also getting themselves turned on for the activities. Not only that, but you can watch and learn what kind of touch each person enjoys.

At the end of the evening, it can be a lovely way to wrap up and make sure everyone is getting off. Or getting off again. This way everyone leaves happy, without the pressure on anyone to perform or figure out exactly what works for anyone else.

If you give this a try, I bet youll find yourself coming back to the hot memories of people touching themselves in front of you time and time again.

Side by Side

Maybe you start side by side on the couch—the classic date-night position—but with an extra body. This works especially well if the person in the middle likes a lot of attention and/or if the other two people dont want too much close contact.

The people on the sides can touch and kiss the person in the middle, and the person in the middle can use their hands on both parties. There are a couple of ways to do this, either all sitting side by side, or with the middle person turned around to face the other two. Each version will give you different amounts of access and will offer different logistics. If you want to go all the way to hand sex in this position, youll need to consider your angles.

While all sitting side by side, the person in the middle can have a hand between each other persons legs, providing a variety of stimulation. If fluid transfer isnt a concern (or if swapping out gloves) the person in the middle can also switch focus from one side to the other, while both people on the ends keep kissing and touching the middle party.

For external stimulation—for example, giving hand jobs to people with penises—all three facing forward can work very well. Thats a great angle for the person in the middle to work from. If the person in the middle wants to provide penetration— whether vaginal or anal—turning around and facing the people on the couch will make that a lot easier.

Another option is for the middle person to easily move between the other peoples laps, straddling them and kissing while the other person has a fantastic view and also free hands for touching. The exchange of lap dances can easily last a whole evening.

This playing on the couch dynamic can be especially nice for a first threesome, because sticking to the couch can feel less serious, and therefore less intimidating, than moving to bed. Even if you do all the same things on the couch youd do in a bed, the environment can feel more casual.

Doggy Plus Oral

A threesome classic, this is the doggy style youre used to, but with a third person in front of the bent over person. Most often, the bent over person is receiving penetration while also performing oral sex. This position is ideal for someone who likes to be the center of attention or who likes a lot of stimulation.

This is also a great option for all three people to be receiving genital stimulation at once. If theres worry about someone feeling left out, this position keeps everyone intimately involved—and involved in a way that can potentially lead to an orgasm.

While any combination of genders and bodies can try this position, in pictures or pornography youll often see this with a man penetrating a woman in doggy style, with another woman lying on the bed. The woman in the middle being penetrated from behind is able to go down on the woman in front of her.

If the woman in the middle is bisexual or pansexual, this can be a best-of-both-worlds scenario. It can also be a good position if the person in the middle is exploring sexuality, and wants to try going down on a new kind of person for the first time.

While performing oral sex under distracted conditions might seem less than ideal, the distraction can actually be a benefit. For one thing, if youre getting fucked, youre going to be less in your head about the details of what youre doing with your mouth, which can help with performance anxiety. And being jostled around also means you cant aim for precision. That helps make it more about the overall experience than the details.

If the person doing the penetration has a lot of stamina, or is wearing a strap on, it can be nice for the other two to swap positions in order to take turns with the various forms of giving and receiving.

Doggy Sandwich

Imagine two people in roughly the missionary position, with a third person behind. The person in the back is penetrating the person in the middle, while the middle and bottom person make out. The bottom two people can also be using hands and toys to stimulate each other, but Im actually a fan of sticking to kissing in this pose.

While it might sound boring at first read, because not everyones genitals are involved at once, its actually a very intimate position for the two people on the bottom—being face to face, having eye contact, and kissing makes this a good choice for people who are sweet on each other.

When I was in a triad, this was a favorite position of mine. I liked being the one all the way on the bottom, on my back. With my girlfriend on top of me, I could look into her eyes and kiss her. I could feel her body pressing against mine, and feel the movements of her being pressed into from behind. I could also easily look over her shoulder to my boyfriend behind her, and with a bit of a stretch he and I could kiss as well.

This position is a great opportunity to enjoy the communal aspects of a threesome. To enjoy the closeness of three bodies pressing together, even if not everyone is engaged in an overt sex act that might get them off.

Spit Roast

A porn mainstay, the spit roast is similar to the doggy plus oral position above, but in this variation the person in the middle is being penetrated at both ends, either with penises or strap-ons. This means being penetrated from behind (thats the doggy style) and giving a blow job in front. Like for all of these positions, the penetration can be vaginal or anal.

This position is particularly intense for the person in the middle because each person thrusting drives the other side deeper. Its a good idea to be comfortable with deep penetration and deep throating if youre going to get vigorous in this position—if not, make sure the people on each end know to go easy.

This position allows for an easy change-up if the people in the front and the back want to switch places. Depending on preferences, someone can even swap in for the middle role, too.

While the classic version of this position has the person in the middle on their hands and knees, you could certainly change things up by having the middle person on their back. The people on each end will just have to adjust their angles a bit. In fact, if you can do this at the edge of a bed so the person on their back can tip their head back off the edge of the bed, that makes it even better for deep throating—having your head tilted back at that angle makes it a straight shot down your throat.

Remember that whenever your mouth is full—especially if you arent in control of the position—it can make check-ins difficult or impossible. Try to keep at least one hand free, and maybe on the hip of the person penetrating your mouth, so you can "tap out" as necessary, or at least get their attention for a check-in.

Eiffel Tower

Honorary mention for being arguably the most entertaining threesome position, an _Eiffel Tower_ is a spit-roast with the addition of the two upright partners high-fiving each other over the middle partners back, or even doing a double high five, therefore making the point of the Eiffel Tower.

As absurd as this sounds, it has become _a thing._ Surely with the help of internet porn and sex-based listicles, this is a position many sex savvy folks will be familiar with.

One of my favorite artists7 did a series of Kama Sutra Bunnies—I have a print of the whole lineup in my living room. But I have the original drawing of the bunny Eiffel Tower in my bedroom, and it makes me smile every day.

And although this is perhaps more of a joke than an actual sexual position, its something Ive engaged in multiple times. Ive been the center of the tower, with two people high-fiving over me, and Ive been one of the high-fivers, too, while wearing a strap-on.

Sex is often silly, and even more often its playful. And this is a good thing! Its wonderful to bring moments into the room that can add levity and give everyone a chance to smile or even laugh. Remembering that sex is playful can take a lot of the pressure off, and doing something outright silly is a great way to intentionally release that pressure valve.

Double Penetration

Another threesome porn classic, the most common form of double penetration is two penises (or dildos) in the same hole. But this can also refer to simultaneous vaginal and anal penetration.

The simplest way is to add a third person to your standard straddle arrangement. The third gets behind the top partner— like adding doggy style—and the person in the middle is penetrated by both people.

Keep in mind that if youre trying this with two penises, its likely trickier than you realize to coordinate two erections, especially when you couple pressure to perform with the position itself taking some finagling. Be ready with a plan B, whether thats one or two toys or simply switching to another position.

Another thing to know is that if youve got two penises in the same hole, and theyre both wearing condoms (which they probably should be!), youre at much higher risk of a condom breaking. Condom on condom friction is trouble, so if youre trying this, make sure theres a lot of lube in the mix, and that youre ready to take on that additional risk.

In a variation on double penetration, I once had some birthday sex that involved two penises in my mouth at once. One of the people was a serious partner, and we didnt usually use protection for oral. The other fella was a friend and more casual partner. To avoid the two of them having direct skin to skin contact of their penises—for the sake of STI safety— my casual partner wore a condom and my serious partner did not.

You could try a similar solution in your own double penetration scenario, if youre fluid bonded with one of the players. If youre unfamiliar with that term, being _fluid bonded_ means you exchange fluids with that person. This means engaging in penetrative or oral sex without condoms or other barriers.

Even with these considerations, remember that a logistically challenging position is going to be harder on a condom, and also may make you less likely to notice if something has slipped— because theres a lot going on and youll be distracted.

* * *

The intensity of double penetration means the receptive person needs to be very aroused for it to feel good. It can be helpful for the receptive person to lend a hand, literally, by touching themselves or using a vibrator externally to make sure they stay turned on enough for this to be fun. Helpfully, arousal diminishes the pain response.

Double Straddle

In this position, one person is laying down and two people are on top—one mounting a penis or strap-on, and the other sitting on the bottom persons face. The face sitter can be facing either direction, but its especially nice to face the other top partner so you can make out.

The two people on top have a lot of freedom of movement, and also have their hands free, so its easy to spend time exploring each others bodies or wielding sex toys to provide some extra stimulation.

For the person on the bottom, it can be a great way for them to have their senses overwhelmed and to feel completely immersed in the experience. They also have hands free and can reach up to hold the hips of the person sitting on their face. (This allows them to tap out as needed!)

I had a great time in this position when I was at a sexy house party. A married couple I was friends with were having sex in a straddle/cowgirl position, and I was invited over to play with them. They suggested I sit on the mans face while his wife was straddling his hips, being penetrated.

At this point the fella on the bottom didnt have a lot of freedom of movement, but that didnt really matter. While I was on my knees, I was able to stay upright enough to not entirely smother him—although he sure wasnt worried about that. He had his hands up to hold my hips and kept pulling me further down onto his face. And while he couldnt give me verbal checkins from that position, his hands on my hips always let me know how he was doing, and that he could still breathe.

Meanwhile, his wife was riding him and taking charge of most of the movement on her end. He was able to thrust his hips forward to some degree, but most of the riding action was her responsibility.

Perhaps best of all, she and I both had our hands and mouths free, so we were able to have an incredibly hot make out, and play with each others breasts, while also receiving pleasure from below.

Tag Team

Heres another option for one person who wants to give and receive at the same time. Someone lays on their back—perhaps at the edge of the bed. Another person is standing and penetrates person one (vaginally or anally, with a penis or strap-on), while the third person sits on person ones face—facing forward or back.

Its similar to the double straddle, but with one person standing, so the standing person has more leverage. Standing is also a lot easier on the knees, which can make this position last longer.

Especially if theres a strap-on in the mix, this can be a nice option. If the person wearing a strap-on doesnt also have a penis, theyre likely not as used to being in the thrusting position—and that takes a lot of muscles! You may find yourself hurting in some new places the next day, after your first strap-on adventure. So standing up can be a much easier way to go.

If the bed isnt quite high enough, or youre aiming for anal penetration, it can be nice to add a wedge under the receptive persons hips, too. This will make for a much more favorable angle for penetration.

Double Oral

Just like the name sounds, double oral is two people performing oral sex on the third. Youve probably seen this in porn, with two women performing a blow job, but any configuration of genders and genitals works.

Giving a shared blow job can actually be really hot (including giving a strap-on blowjob!) Its a great view for the person receiving, and the two people giving can take breaks to kiss. This is also a fantastic position for people who like sloppy oral sex. Sharing oral sex on a vulva also works, but needs a little more turn-taking to make room.

If you like this idea but want a little more personal space, you can also have someone standing or laying on their side while the other two perform oral sex from front and back—either a blow job or cunnilingus in front, and rimming in back.

If part of your threesome involves someone exploring with a gender or genitals they are less familiar with, the double oral position is a great option. This way, the person with experience can guide the newer person, showing techniques and also providing support.

At a recent play party, I had a hot experience engaging in this position. Once wed finished with snacks and small talk, we settled in around the living room for an opening circle. Thats a chance for people in the room to get to know anyone whos new to them. Its also a chance for people to share their name, pronouns, safer-sex info, and their likes and dislikes, as well as a great time to figure out who you might want to approach or play with.

During the opening circle of this party, one of the attendees— well call them Kris—said theyd love to receive a strap-on blowjob. I immediately took note. Not only was Kris a super cute nonbinary babe whod caught my eye, but I love giving strap-on blowjobs. As the circle continued, another person, an occasional play partner of mine, Mia, mentioned they enjoyed giving strap-on blowjobs . . . and a scene began to form in my mind.

As soon as the circle broke up, I asked Mia if shed be game for helping me give a strap-on blowjob, and she was an enthusiastic yes. We approached Kris together, and they were thrilled with the idea and slid their leather harness on.

Theres a special kind of dildo8 that allows for suction from a blow job to be transferred to the person wearing the toy, and luckily, Kris had one of these on hand. Once strapped on and ready to go, Kris stood while Mia and I knelt at their feet.

I know some people dont understand the point of a strap-on blowjob because there isnt the same kind of direct feedback you get with a bio penis, but let me assure you, theres plenty of worthwhile hotness.

For starters, Kris had two babes on their knees, eyes cast upwards. With both hands free, Kris was able to pull our hair or slide fingers into our mouths. And with our free hands, we were able to hold Kriss hips and reach up to stroke their arms and chest. Being face to face, Mia and I were able to take breaks to kiss each other, or to kiss with the silicone cock between our mouths.

If you enjoy a messy blowjob, then a shared blow job might well be for you. Switching back and forth between givers, and sometimes even sharing, leaves a lot of opportunity for drool.

And if youre using a strap-on, because of the mechanics of the toy, you actually suck far more than you would with a bio cock, and that means you get the hot visual of hollowed out cheeks plus the sounds of slurping and suction.

Although it was only the three of us playing, and we were lost in our own world for quite a while, we were in the middle of a play party. A few folks were sitting nearby and watching the action. So not only did we have our own hot scene, but we had the additional turn-on of an audience.

Its also worth noting that, aside from the risks of swapping spit—no riskier than any kissing—this whole hot encounter was essentially free of STI risk. There was no genital to genital contact and no mouth to genital contact. Only contact between mouths and between mouths and the silicone toy.

Yet, to my mind, this totally "counts" as both sex and a threesome. While no one had an orgasm, everyone was turned on and having a wonderful time. We carried on for quite a while, and in addition to the sucking and licking, had a lot of opportunities to play with the dynamic between the three of us.

Kris was topping both of us and engaging in lots of hot dirty talk, playfully calling us names and asking if we liked having their cock in our mouths.

Playing with a strap-on is a great reminder of how much of sex isnt about the alignment of bodies, but is about the dynamics and the energy of the play. Looking up at Kris, with their silicone cock in my mouth and their hand in my hair, was just as intimate as any sex act you might do skin to skin.

This was also a example of three friends coming together to play, with no existing couples in the mix. While Mia and I had played together before, it was always in the context of parties and other shared experiences. And we both only knew Kris socially.

The Oral Switch

The counterpoint to the double oral position, the oral switch works particularly well with one person kneeling and two people standing. The person who is kneeling can switch back and forth, giving oral sex to the other two. This works for any genital configuration, but is a bit easier if the standing people either have penises or are wearing strap-ons.

Keep in mind that if youre going back and forth between two bodies to perform oral sex, those two people are becoming fluid bonded by way of your mouth. So if swapping fluids isnt on the table, this should be done with barriers in place.

This same position can work for hand sex, or for mixing hand sex with oral. Rather than having someone wait their turn while the other is being pleasured, the kneeling person can keep a hand up, stroking and touching. This way, everyone is involved at all times.

While it might sound submissive for the person on their knees, they also have a great deal of control of the situation. So you have a lot of choices about what dynamics you might enjoy in this scenario. The two standing people can "use" the kneeling partner, perhaps adding hair pulling and dirty talk. Or the two standing people can be at the kneeling partners mercy, waiting for their attention. Of course, the position can just as easily be power neutral if thats your preference.

This position is very flexible in terms of how, or if, the standing people interact with each other. If theyre hoping to keep a little distance, this position makes that easy. But if theyre also into each other, its very easy for them to be kissing and touching as well.

Oral Sex Train

Is oral sex your favorite? You can arrange three bodies so that everyone is giving or receiving oral sex. The easiest way is to mirror the double straddle, but with all oral rather than penetration.

In one of my many silly sex adventures, I ended up in this position while drinking a cup of tea. There were four of us playing, but two of us were on a break. I was sitting off to the side, watching one fella go down on the other. The man on his back invited me over to sit on his face, and I pointed out that I was taking a tea break. He told me to bring the tea with me, so I did! Is that kind of ridiculous? You bet. But it was also lots of fun. Not only did I get to enjoy my tea, but someone was going down on me, and I had a great view of a hot blow job happening in front of me.

Daisy Train

The daisy train is somewhere between the oral sex train above and a classic 69 position. Its also a bit tricky logistically. For this position, you arrange yourselves into a triangle so that everyone is going down on someone while someone goes down on them.

Much like the 69, I think this position is better in theory than in practice, but it can be a good option if youre determined to have everyone equally involved at all times. Just remember that when your neck gets tired or your hips start to cramp, its totally fine to take a break and then switch to a more comfortable pose.

Chain Link

This position builds off of doggy style, but you simply add a third person in the back. Generally, the third person is also providing penetration, either with a penis, a strap-on, or a handheld toy.

This position requires a fair amount of coordination, because if people are thrusting out of sync, the whole system can fall apart. But if you find a nice rhythm, this can be a lot of fun, especially for the person in the middle who can penetrate and be penetrated at the same time.

The Math Equation

Imagine a 69 and then add one. The additional person can penetrate either person, but the easiest option is to position the 69 as top and bottom, and for the third to assume a doggy style type position behind the top of the 69. Just be careful when it comes to balance. The person doing the thrusting can easily knock someone off their game. So be sure to have solid footing for this position. In fact, it can be best if the penetrating person is actually standing. Then their hands on the other persons hips can add some helpful stability.

If the 69 is side by side, the third can add on in a spooning position.

The Reverse Straddle +

Someone lays on their back and someone straddles them—but instead of facing that person, theyre facing their feet. Typically theyll be riding a penis or strap-on. Benefits of this position include the chance to get different angles of penetration and the ease of movement it allows to the person on top. And if the person on the bottom particularly enjoys a backside view, this can be a special treat.

So where does the "plus" come in? Heres where we get to some of the varsity-level threesome logistics. The extra person camps out between the bottom persons legs, and therefore between the top persons legs too.

If the person on top leans back, this bonus person can have access to go down on both people at once. If the bottom person has a penis, the bonus person can lick their testicles.

This position can be made a bit easier to access for the third person if the person on the bottom has a wedge or some pillows to raise their hips up off the bed. Then the bonus person wont risk such a serious neck cramp.

If you like the idea of this pose but dont want as much of a workout, the third person can also chip in with hands or toys while they have their easy access spot between the other two peoples legs. Bonus: if theyre using hands, theyll be free to kiss the upright person at the same time.

Spoons

Speaking of spoons, while it takes a bit of lining up, you can also make like three spoons in a drawer, with the person in front being penetrated by the person in the middle, and the person in the middle being penetrated by the person in the back.

Whether you have two or three people, the spoon position is a good one for sweet and tender sex, and its also easy on the body if you need a comfortable position. This one has a lot of opportunity for cuddling and wandering hands.

The person in the front can even flip around to face the person in the middle—if youre willing to get your legs all mixed up a bit, this can work for penetration as well, and now you can add a little kissing, too.

Bukkake

Bukkake generally describes multiple parties ejaculating onto one person. But you can be flexible with what youre considering ejaculation—squirting counts too! This often feels hot for people because of the taboo aspect—or, if its part of how youre playing, an element of consensual humiliation.

In a threesome scenario, ejaculating onto someones body (like on their breasts or chest) can be a nice option because, as long as youre willing to hop in the shower after, its easy to clean up. And from an STI standpoint, its safer than coming inside someones body or mouth.

Whether youre going for simultaneous ejaculations or simply coming on a persons body one at a time, it can be a nice option because it generally involves masturbation. That makes it a great way for someone to take their pleasure into their own hands— literally—while the other person or people are participating by creating a sexy view, as well as a target.

* * *

A partner and I had a threesome with a friend of mine, and we learned that she particularly enjoys directing where someone ejaculates. She appreciates the control it gives her, while on the practical side it also gives her a heads up.

As we played, my partner asked her both if and where he could come, and she instructed him to come in her hand. I never would have thought watching someone present an open palm could be so hot.

The Voyeur

Weve already established that voyeurism is one of the pleasures of a threesome—so why not make it explicit? Position a cozy chair in full view of the bed and let one person just watch.

Maybe the watcher is touching themself, maybe not. Maybe theyre giving instructions, or maybe theyre simply watching the show.

This position also has a lot of kink potential. The person in the chair can be blindfolded so they can only hear whats going on, but not see it. This can be ramped up a bit with a little additional teasing, with the other two coming over to touch or kiss the person in the chair every so often. Or even putting something against their mouth for them to kiss or lick.

The person in the chair could also be gagged, so they can watch but cant comment on anything theyre seeing. More hot teasing potential here.

If you know what youre doing, you can even add bondage, tying someone to the chair so theyre "forced" to watch everything happening in front of them. Again, with added teasing if you desire.

You can also throw sex toys into the mix here, especially those with a remote control. What if the watcher has a vibrator inside or against their body thats being controlled by the people in the bed? Maybe they need to beg for permission to orgasm.

If youre kinking up your three-way, consider the power play potential of whos doing, and whos watching, at any given time.

This is also a good option for people who have decided to take the plunge into three-way play, but still want to move slowly. Whether its the couple or the single person whos new to threesomes, either having an audience or taking a front-row seat is a great way to experience the hotness of a threesome, while still keeping some training wheels on.

The Handmaiden

In this position, someone lays back against the headboard, propped up like theyre going to watch TV in bed. Then someone else lays back against them—using them like one of those sit-up-in-bed cushions. And then the third person mounts the second person, in a somewhat modified missionary situation.

The person all the way in the back may be able to get some hot friction action by pressing up against the person laying against them, but that isnt the main thrill of the pose. Instead, the emotional and power dynamics are key here. The person in the middle can be playing proxy for the person in the back (as in the book where this position gets its name) or the person in the back can be holding the middle person down.

You can further play with power by deciding if one person is being ignored. Maybe the person on top doesnt look at the middle person, but instead makes eye contact with the person in the back. Or maybe its the person in the back being ignored. See what combinations of power play do it for you.

The person in the back also has free hands for other forms of fondling, or toy holding, if theyd like to chip in. And depending on your exact lineup, there are a variety of opportunities for kissing.

Taking Turns

While people seem inspired to find positions where everyone is getting off all at once, sometimes it can be easier—and even more fun—to simply take turns being the center of attention.

This is the usual pattern with my regular couple fling. Its not that theres never more than one thing going on at a time. But we work our way through participants pretty methodically when it comes to making sure everyone, well, comes.

In a recent tryst, the wife got to be the star of the show first. She was on her back on my bed as I went down on her. Her husband moved between kissing her and touching her breasts and fingering me and touching my ass.

His touching felt perfectly supportive—adding to the arousal for each of us—without pulling focus away or demanding attention. Sometimes shed reach up for his cock to play with it by hand or to lead it to her mouth.

After going down on her, I switched to using fingers and toys. When she was ready to have an orgasm, she helped by touching her clit while I was inside her. Everyone knows their own body best.

Next, she pushed me down and pressed one of her thighs between my legs. We grinded together while alternately leaning in to kiss each other and reaching up to touch her husband, who was by our side, on his knees.

After I had an orgasm, it was his turn to be the center of attention, and she and I shared his cock between our mouths, sometimes pausing to kiss each other, and sometimes gazing upwards to make eye contact with him. Eventually, she was on her back again, and he was masturbating onto her chest.

While not everyone was in focus at all times, by the end of the evening everyone had had their turn in the spotlight, and everyone had gotten what they wanted from the encounter.

7 Follow @nywnart—Bronwyn Schuster—on Instagram to experience the bunnies yourself.

8 Aptly called the B.J. Dildo by Form Function LLC.


Input:
 Write a chapter about incorporating BDSM and kink into threesomes, including:

1. Discussing the importance of communication, especially when combining kink dynamics with multiple people.
2. Encouraging readers to talk about everything, including power dynamics, toys, and whether they are mixing sex and kink.
3. Suggesting the use of yes/no/maybe lists that cover both sex and kink to ensure all parties are on the same page.
4. Advising readers to go slow and take it easy if this is their first time exploring kink and threesomes simultaneously.
5. Addressing the presence of explicit BDSM dynamics if joining people who engage in kink, such as negotiated dominant/submissive relationships.
6. Explaining the use of honorifics in BDSM play and encouraging readers to find out in advance if that's the case.
7. Discussing the benefits of exploring dominance or submission in a threesome, such as receiving hands-on guidance from experienced individuals.
8. Discussing kink parties as a great place to explore kink in a threesome, especially tastings where one can try out toys or sensations with someone trusted by the venue or party host.
9. Advising readers on how to approach couples or individuals at kink parties, whether they are attending solo or with a partner.
10. Explaining how adding a third person to the mix can help shake up kink or BDSM dynamics within a couple, especially if both partners identify as dominants or submissives.
11. Discussing possible combinations of power exchange dynamics in a threesome, such as two people topping or two people bottoming.
12. Describing different play scenarios, such as gentle play with sensation, ice cubes, pieces of fur or silk, feathers, or anything with a scratchy texture.
13. Explaining the dynamics of good guy/bad guy play, where one top is trying to take it easy on the bottom while the other is being mean.
14. Sharing a personal story of a successful kinky threesome, emphasizing the importance of communication, boundaries, and shared experiences.

Response:
CHAPTER

17

BDSM AND THREESOMES

How Does Kink Affect a Threesome?

Folks who are savvy at threesomes and folks who are savvy at kink have (at least) one thing in common—theyre better than average at communication. But when you combine kink dynamics with multiple people, there are some things you want to be aware of.

Remember that both adding people and adding kink elements can up the stakes, and up the emotional intensity of an encounter, so you want to be ready for that. As much as youd communicate for either of these scenarios alone, double or triple your communication efforts when putting them on the table together.

Talk about _everything._ Make sure youre unpacking any assumptions you have about how things will go, and make sure everyone is on the same page. Refer back to chapter 14, on negotiation for a refresher if you need to.

How will power dynamics work? How will power dynamics affect how you communicate and check in during your play? What toys are you going to use? Are you mixing both sex and kink?

This is a great time to pull out some yes/no/maybe lists9 that cover both sex and kink to make sure youve thought through everything you do and dont want to do. A yes/no/maybe list is basically a menu of sexual and kinky options, so you can think through what activities you might be up for. You can then compare lists with the people you want to play with. Youll find a threesome-specific list in the resources section of this book to get you started.

If this is both your first threesome and your first exploration of kink, go slow and take it easy. Try something simple like spanking or light bondage, or maybe some light power play with giving and receiving orders. Kink can get very intense very fast, so give yourself a gentle first time around and then come back for more if youre into it.

Roles and Power Structures

If youre joining people who engage in kink, are there any explicit BDSM dynamics already at play? Are the people involved in a negotiated dominant/submissive relationship? If so, how does being around those dynamics feel to you? And where will you fit in? It could be a good idea to read up on kink a bit—everything from how-to books to erotica—to see if this holds an appeal for you.

If youre going to be participating in someone elses BDSM play, its also a good idea to have a clear picture of what those dynamics entail, so you can be sure whether its your cup of tea.

Do the people have honorifics they use as part of their play? Some people use terms like _Daddy_ or _Master._ So find out in advance if thats the case, and check in with yourself about how that makes you feel.

If the idea of exploring dominance or submission appeals to you, a threesome can be a fantastic chance to get both a live example and hands-on guidance. Maybe in the course of the threesome you learn to give a spanking, or how to use a flogger. Or maybe you get to experience being tied up (with people you trust!).

Kink can feel easier to explore when someone in the room has a lot of experience. So whether youre joining a kinky couple, or adding a kink-experienced third to the mix, there are countless possibilities.

Kink Parties

Weve covered kink parties a bit already, but heres an area where theyll really shine. It can be easier to dive into a bit of kink at a party than to dive into public sex. And some parties even offer _tastings._

A tasting in a kink context is a chance to try out a toy or sensation with someone that the venue or party host trusts. So, just like a wine tasting, you can try a few things to see if you like them. The idea of a tasting is that it is limited in both time and intensity. So maybe a quick spanking, or a chance to get flogged on a cross.

Whether you go to a party solo or with a partner, you may find people who like sharing their skills. And asking to see what a particular paddle feels like can be easier than asking for sex!

If youre at a party solo and you see a hot couple youd like to play with, watch what theyre doing together. Be sure not to interrupt a scene while theyre playing or engaging in aftercare. But once theyre done playing, or when theyre socializing, introduce yourself. If you liked what you saw, say so. And maybe ask if theyd be willing to show you a thing or two.

If youre there as a couple, it works the same way. Maybe you see someone giving a spanking and youre dying to try it. Wait until theyre free and express your interest. If youre there with someone, maybe one of you wants to experience the spanking and the other one wants to learn how to do it. A lot of people at kink events are more than happy to share a few tips or techniques. Or maybe you simply want to watch your sweetie getting spanked by someone else, or you want to help out by holding your partner down or kissing them while it happens. Because kink parties offer a wide variety of ways to interact, there are a lot of experiences you may be able to share.

Shaking Up Couples Dynamics

When people find themselves partnered to someone on the same side of the power dynamic—such as two dominants or two submissives—sometimes sex gets tricky.

On more than one occasion, couples have found their way to my office because they each identify as submissive, and deciding who will take the lead during sex has become a point of stress. Or, less dramatically, certain fantasies just arent being fulfilled. Adding a third person to the mix can be a great way to shake up kink or BDSM dynamics.

A few years ago, I got to play with this exact scenario. I was dating another woman, and while we were both switches, we ended up rather submissive around each other, and wed get trapped in, "I dont know, what do you want to do," territory for frustratingly long periods of time. While Im usually a fairly take-charge kind of person, something about my dynamic with her just short-circuited my usual tendency to take initiative.

Finally, at a kinky play party, we found a solution to our problem. We found someone else to take the lead for both of us! We talked to a trusted friend about what we were looking for, and he was only too happy to oblige.

So she and I ended up lying face down, side by side on a big bed, and our friend went through his whole toy bag on us. We were whipped and paddled and flogged and caned—all the while we were giggling and holding hands, making eye contact, and having the experience together.

We found a way to share an intense experience, while both being in the bottom or submissive role. And because we had kink at our disposal, we were able to do the whole thing without negotiating sexual contact with a new person, or worrying about STI risk. (Though of course kink play comes with its own set of risks, and we did negotiate our kink play.)

Whatever your dynamics, adding another person can shake things up. Whether that person tops both of you, or you two top them, simply interacting with another person brings out different parts of your personality. There are myriad options to explore.

Possible Combinations

When splitting up the power exchange dynamics in a threesome, you can have two people topping or two people bottoming. (And you can always switch things up as you go!)

If two people are topping, they can share responsibility for restraining the third and providing intense sensation, like impact play (spanking, etc.). Maybe they use rope or cuffs, or maybe they simply pin someones arms down. It can be especially hot to simply hold someones arms over their head while you look down into their face. Maybe at the same time the other person is spanking them or flogging them.

Or perhaps you like the idea of more gentle play, like exploring sensation. You can use items from around the house like ice cubes, pieces of fur or silk, feathers, or anything with a scratchy texture (even long fingernails). If the bottom is blindfolded, every sensation will be more intense, because they wont know what the object is, or whats coming next.

If two people are bottoming, the person topping has a lot of options. They can tie two people together and watch them struggle and wiggle while being tickled or poked. Or they can direct their own personal sex show, telling the other two what to do and how to do it.

Playing with power and control is a classic form of kink, and it doesnt require any special tools or toys. And while it does require some confidence and know-how, theres less of a learning curve than for many other forms of BDSM.

You can have one person in charge the whole time, or you can choose to change things up at any time. Let the person in charge direct or choreograph the other two, or have the other two ask permission before theyre allowed to do anything.

Try experimenting with edging (getting close to orgasm and then backing off) or orgasm control, either with people touching themselves, or by playing puppet master and controlling when and how they touch each other.

Not only is playing with power hot, but the increased talking and direction also works as a check-in. Nothing happens by surprise, and people always have the option of saying no, or negotiating for an alternative.

Good Guy/Bad Guy

A fun dynamic that can play out if youve got two tops and a bottom, or two dominants and a submissive, is that classic combination of the good guy and the bad guy. Maybe one of the tops is really on your side and is trying to take it easy on you, while the other persons being mean. A set-up like this is ripe for all kinds of playful role-play or dirty talk.

Sometimes this dynamic will emerge from how people naturally relate to each other, and sometimes youll have to plan for it. You can even draw straws to decide who will end up in each role.

Kinky Threesome

One of the times I got to explore kink dynamics within a threesome was when visiting a long-distance partner. The way wed scheduled the visit, one night was going to be for just the two of us, and the next night her other sweetie was going to join us. He and I are friends, but dont have a sexual relationship.

In part by focusing on kink elements, with our shared partner bottoming to both of us, the three of us got to enjoy lots of hot play while maintaining boundaries that everyone was comfortable with.

For our planned threesome night, we opted to attend a play party. Going to a party for our play time had a few benefits. Of course there were the socializing aspects, and we got to enjoy the shared sexual energy of lots of people playing at once, many in view of each other. But it also had another benefit—by playing in a shared space, it took the intimacy down several notches.

While playing in public (at parties) can be incredibly intense, it does have a different energy from being alone in someones bedroom. You get to catch peoples eye across the room and smile at the things going on around you. Although the sex can still be intimate, being in a shared space can also help keep things playful.

The three of us claimed a bed and played with ordering our shared partner around. Being submissive, and the center of attention, was a perfect fit for her. We took turns delivering some impact play while the other person kissed her or pulled her hair—or both at the same time. Eventually she went down on her other sweetie while I used a strap-on from behind.

We each got to have our own intimate moments with our shared partner while also enjoying a playful camaraderie with each other. And having kink elements to fall back on helped make that possible.

9 You can find a simple version in my first book, Tongue Tied, or a downloadable version on my website at www.stellaharris.net/kink.