Input:
 Write a chapter about performance issues, including:

1. Discussing the pressure to perform and how it can affect an erection, making it difficult to coordinate multiple erections in a threesome.
2. Encouraging readers to have backup plans and be flexible, expanding their sexual toolkit beyond activities that require an erection.
3. Suggesting readers take the erection out of the game plan, focusing on their partners' pleasure and exploring different forms of play.
4. Advising readers to practice sex that isn't penis or erection-focused before their threesome.
5. Explaining that an erection isn't necessary for pleasure or orgasm, and that different forms of touch can be used on a soft penis.
6. Addressing the idea that orgasms aren't a sure thing and that focusing too much on them can be counterproductive.
7. Encouraging readers to shift their focus to other parts of their body or someone else's pleasure if they're feeling frustrated.
8. Addressing skill set anxiety and the comparison of sexual skills between participants, emphasizing that different doesn't mean better.
9. Discussing the importance of acknowledging and dealing with personal insecurities before engaging in a threesome.
10. Highlighting the variety of body types and skill sets in a threesome and encouraging readers to enjoy and celebrate these differences.
11. Providing personal examples of dealing with insecurities and comparisons in threesome situations.

Response:
CHAPTER

18

PERFORMANCE ISSUES

Dont Count on an Erection!

You may have some very specific ideas about what youd like your threesome to include. But try not to get too attached to any particular outcome. Pressure to perform is one of the best ways to guarantee that an erection either wont show up or wont stay around as long as youd like. And having multiple people youre trying to please can be some high-level pressure.

For example, if youre aiming for double penetration with two penises, not only is there pressure for an erection, theres pressure for two people to coordinate their erections! Thats much easier said than done.

Whatever youre planning for your threesome, have several backup plans and be willing to be flexible. To help with this, make sure your sexual toolkit extends way beyond things you can do with an erection. How do you feel about your oral skills, your ability with fingers and hands, and your proficiency with toys?

One of the best ways to manage erection worries is to simply take the erection (whether its there or not) out of the game plan. At least for a long while. Not only is this a great way to manage anxiety and have a sexy good time, but it opens up more positions and more forms of play. And that flexibility will serve you well in a threesome. After all, an erection cant multi-task . . . but maybe youve got two hands for touching two bodies at once.

If youre not used to having sex that isnt penis or erection focused, get some practice with that before your threesome. That might mean whole sexual encounters that never involve your penis, or simply saving penis play for much later in the game than usual.

What happens if you simply focus on your partners pleasure for a while? Maybe try to give them multiple orgasms, or orgasms from multiple methods of stimulation. If this is out of character, talk to your partner about what youre doing. If someone is very used to a certain pattern in sex, it can be jarring to change the pattern up without warning.

Kevin Patterson also emphasizes this advice: "Taking the pressure of PIV off the table from the start works better. Theres no performance anxiety, and you have permission to go with the flow. Getting your hand skills together is really important. Hands dont get soft. Ive gotten a better response from people who invite me to group sex situations when I deprioritize my own dick."

Did you know that an erection isnt necessary for pleasure, or even orgasm? While it can feel pretty vulnerable at first to have a soft penis played with, theres a lot of pleasure to be had there, so give it a try some time. You can engage in all the same forms of touch youd use on an erect penis—for example, performing oral sex. In fact, an added benefit of going down on a soft penis is that its easier to get the whole thing in your mouth, even if youre not a deep throat fan. You can use a bit of suction to pull the penis into your mouth, and then provide additional sensation with your tongue. Using suction in this way can help produce the same "up and down" motion you might be used to with an erect penis.

Also, remember that erections and arousal arent the same thing. You can be hard when youre not interested in sex, and you can be super turned-on and not be hard. So theres no reason to let an erection (or lack thereof) dictate what will or wont happen.

If this idea is new to your partner(s), its worth explaining. Make sure they know that erections are sometimes elusive, and it has nothing to do with how turned on you are, or how attractive you find them. Be sure to reinforce this with lots of compliments as well as praise for other forms of pleasure—like the way someone is touching other parts of your body.

Dont Expect an Orgasm

Sure, orgasms feel wonderful. Maybe you even included having an orgasm in your definition of sex. But orgasms are never a sure thing, and getting too goal focused is a good way to scare them away.

No matter what kind of genitals youre working with, feeling like youre under pressure to have a particular reaction tends to have the opposite effect. With threesomes, the journey is often more fun than the destination. And while it might feel frustrating to not have an orgasm, especially if youre really turned on, getting too focused on that goal can also take your attention off of other pleasurable activities.

Your threesome experience might become fantasy material for days, weeks, months, or even years to come. Who knows how many orgasms youll end up having thanks to these memories. So dont miss out on the moment if your body isnt doing exactly what youre hoping for.

If youre feeling frustrated or stuck, see if you can shift the focus to another part of your body, or better yet, focus on someone elses pleasure for a while. You might be able to circle back and have an orgasm later, but even if you dont, youll be having a better time in the moment than if you stick with something that isnt working for you.

Also, dont be afraid to chip in and touch yourself. We know our own bodies better than anyone else can. So if you can touch yourself, or use a favorite toy, while other activities are going on, that might be enough to get you to the orgasm youre looking for, if that feels like an important part of the experience.

Skill Set Anxiety

No one has perfect confidence when it comes to sex—or when it comes to anything, for that matter. So it can be especially nerve-racking to think about your sexual skills being compared to someone elses in real time.

But guess what? Thats not how it tends to work. Everyone does things differently, but different doesnt necessarily make any style better or worse. We can enjoy a change of pace, or some variety, without actually preferring someone elses technique. Do you have a favorite flavor of ice cream? Do you ever like to mix it up and try something else? Or better yet, have a two or three scoop sundae—the threesome of the ice cream world? Of course you do. And thats not a judgment on the ice cream. Thats because we like variety and novelty.

If anything, we tend to learn our partners bodies over time, so were often pretty good at doing what they enjoy. A new person may have the benefit of novelty and excitement, but they wont know about _that thing_ that drives your partner totally wild.

Try to remember that new and exciting isnt the same as better, and simply ride the wave of increased arousal from the novelty. And if a new person is doing something that seems to work especially well, ask them to show you how theyre doing it! A threesome is the perfect time to learn some new skills.

Its a shame that more of sex isnt taught through hands-on learning or demonstrations, so take advantage of the opportunity to learn in real time.

Comparisons and Insecurities

Everybody is different. And every body is different. We tend to frame things as better or worse, but differences can simply be variety. And variety is one of the great reasons to engage in threesomes.

When you bring someone else to bed, youre going to see someone whose body is different from yours and/or your partners. People will have different sized breasts and different sized penises, and will be different heights and weights. People will also have different levels of experience, different skill sets, and different amounts of stamina.

Its far too easy to get into the trap of comparing yourself, and other people, to some theoretical cultural ideal—and thats a great way to have a miserable time.

Before bringing extra people into the mix, its important to do some honest reflection and figure out what your personal insecurities are. Everyone has them, and thats okay. But if youre not aware of them in advance—and not prepared to deal with them when they crop up—then youre more likely to take those insecurities out on other people.

If youre part of an existing couple playing with a third, its important to be transparent about your insecurities so that your partner doesnt accidentally trip on emotional landmines.

For example, if youve always wished your breasts were larger and you end up bringing in a third with a voluptuous DD cup, you may find yourself comparing bodies when you should be enjoying a sensual smorgasbord. And if your partner is unaware of your insecurity, they may compliment the new person on their breasts in a way that hurts your feelings, or even highlights differences.

Heres the thing—all breasts are amazing and fun to play with. Having breasts of different sizes and even textures in the room is one of the magical experiences to be had in threesomes. Enjoying and celebrating a variety of bodies can be a beautiful thing.

I speak from experience when it comes to comparisons—Ive been guilty of this myself. A few years ago, I had a partner who loved threesomes, and we had quite a few of them together. He was also (like me) into rope bondage. A number of the people we played with were more flexible than me. I have a fused disc in my spine, and that really limits how I can bend—in a way no stretching routine can fix. So when wed play with someone he could basically fold in half, Id feel like that made the other person more fun to play with. He could do more of the fancy rope bondage positions wed learned in classes with these other people than he could with me.

Heres how I talked myself out of that spiral. I asked myself if rope was the only thing we enjoyed together, and of course it wasnt. I asked myself if wed still have a solid relationship even if we never did rope together again. And of course we would have. And that helped me let it go. Even if these other people were "better" at being tied up, that didnt threaten my relationship.

And of course theres more to it than that. Being more flexible doesnt mean "better." What about their reactions to his touch, or their ability to communicate their experience? Those are vital parts of a rope bondage scene, too, and those are areas where I am confident.

This same partner was also very into (giving) anal sex. And that was something we did together sometimes, but its more of a special occasion thing for me. My body isnt always up for it, and it takes a lot of warm up for me to get there. So when we were having a threesome with someone who was seemingly just ready to go, Id feel like that highlighted a failing on my part.

But again, I could ask myself the same series of questions. And of course our relationship didnt hinge on anal sex any more than it did on rope bondage.

Not only that, but because we were engaging in threesomes, I could still be a part of him getting his anal sex desire met. And thanks to some assistance from my strap-on, I was able to be intimately involved—by being half of the double-penetration team.

Eventually, I not only stopped comparing myself to the other partners, but I began to be grateful to them. Grateful that, because of their participation, my partner was able to engage in all the things he was interested in—even when they were things I couldnt or wouldnt do very often. Not only that, but knowing he was able to satisfy those desires elsewhere, I no longer felt like I needed to push myself to do activities that werent my favorite.

Another place where comparison can spoil the fun is comparing the reactions your partner is having with a new person to the reactions they have with you. Maybe it seems like theyre moaning louder, or having an orgasm faster—but none of that means the sex is better.

Threesomes can be hot and exciting—thats why youre doing it, right? And when the whole experience is a heightened state, its easy for reactions to seem a bit more dramatic than usual.

Not only that, but your sweetie might also be playing things up on purpose, as a way to validate and encourage the new person. Were often louder when we want our partners to feel like theyre doing a good job—our sex noises are a great way to provide feedback! So remember there are a lot of reasons someone might sound a little different from what youre used to.

Your mantra for your threesome experience: different doesnt mean better.


Input:
 Write a chapter about a surprise threesome, including:

1. Describe a situation where the author is attending an out-of-town conference and sharing a room with a friend and occasional lover.
2. Discuss how the lack of communication and negotiation between the two friends led to a surprise threesome.
3. Detail the moment when the author enters the hotel room and finds their roommate in the middle of sex with another mutual friend and occasional lover.
4. Explain how the author's need for alone time and their roommate's extroverted nature could lead to complicated situations.
5. Describe the invitation from the friends for the author to join them in their sexual activities and the author's decision to participate.
6. Share the different configurations the three tried, eventually settling on the "doggy plus oral" position.
7. Emphasize that all parties involved were friends and lovers, which limited the emotional complexity of the situation.
8. Discuss the satisfying and sexy time they all had, but also express that it's bad form to surprise someone with sex, especially a threesome.

Response:
CHAPTER

19

THREESOME INTERLUDE

The Surprise Threesome

I was attending an out-of-town conference and sharing a room with a friend and occasional lover. We were theoretically both people who are awesome at communication—sometimes that can backfire. Sometimes when youre good at something, it actually gets easier to skip the basics.

And somehow this friend and I had managed to entirely skip any negotiation around the logistics of room sharing. Was this trip like a date for us? Was sharing a simple matter of convenience? What if one (or both) of us wanted to bring someone back to the room?

We also failed to negotiate anything about how our arrivals or departures would work. And I realized that mistake immediately upon arriving at the hotel.

I checked in at the front desk, got my key, and went up to my room. I simply unlocked the door and let myself in—and found my roommate in the middle of sex with another mutual friend and occasional lover.

I have kind of a routine when it comes to work travel. I like a lot of alone time. I use my hotel room to recharge and to hide from people between activities. Immediately upon entering the room, I realized that an introvert rooming with an extrovert could get complicated.

My friends greeted me enthusiastically and invited me to join them on the bed—and in sex. Given that a quiet entry clearly wasnt going to happen, I hopped in bed with them. If you cant beat em, join em?

We played with a few configurations, but largely ended up in the _doggy plus oral_ position. The other woman and I took turns going down on each other while the fella was behind, and penetrating, the person performing oral sex.

Luckily, we were all friends and lovers, but no combination of us was a couple—so that limited the emotional complexity or fall out from the situation. Ultimately we all had a satisfying and sexy time—but even so, its bad form to surprise someone with sex of any kind, and especially a threesome.


Input:
 Write a chapter about discussing safer sex, including:

1. Discuss the importance of having a check-in about safety when negotiating sex with a new partner.
2. Emphasize that everyone involved should have regular STI testing and share their results.
3. Explain that there's no such thing as getting tested for "everything" and that each doctor or clinic has their own idea of what a full panel of testing is.
4. Discuss the importance of sharing what you were tested for and when, as well as asking for the same information from potential partners.
5. Address the issue of location-specific infections and the need for oral and anal swabs if engaging in oral or anal sex.
6. Discuss the possibility of seeing actual test results from potential partners.
7. Emphasize the importance of talking about birth control if relevant to any of the participants involved.
8. Discuss how these conversations can be awkward but are essential to make sure everyone is looking out for each other.
9. Provide tips on how to have these conversations, including deciding on answers you're hoping to hear and what kind of safety protocols work for you before having the conversation.
10. Detail the importance of discussing barrier use practices with other partners and whether they have these conversations with everyone they have sex with.
11. Provide examples of safer sex supplies such as gloves, condoms, and dental dams, and explain how they can be used to prevent cross-contamination.
12. Discuss the importance of using high-quality, body-safe lubricants and avoiding lubricants with additives that can cause irritation or infections.

Response:
CHAPTER

20

SAFER SEX

Having the Talk

Any time youre negotiating sex with a new partner, its a good idea to have a check-in about safety. If youre part of a couple opening up for the first time, you might be a little rusty at this.

If youre part of a couple, keep in mind that while it might feel scary to add someone new to the mix, no one wants to be treated like Typhoid Mary, so talk about risk and safety as it pertains to _everyone,_ not just what the third might be exposing the existing couple to.

Regardless of configuration, everyone who is sexually active should be getting tested for STIs on a regular basis. Ideally you have a doctor or health-care provider who is well versed in sexual health and safety who you can be open with about your activities. If thats not the case, look into Planned Parenthood or other local clinics.

If youre going to ask someone else about their testing history, its important to have yours to share as well. So even if youve been monogamous or single for a while, if youre getting back in the game, consider getting tested.

Theres no such thing as getting tested for "everything." Each doctor and clinic, at least in the US, has their own idea of what a full panel of testing is. Usually this includes gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and HIV. Most doctors have stopped testing for HSV (herpes) on a regular basis because the most used tests arent very reliable, and it also isnt considered a big health risk.

Infections can be location specific, and that means if youre having oral or anal sex you need to be swabbed in those areas, as an infection wouldnt appear in a urine sample. Oral and anal swabs are not standard procedure at most clinics, so youll need to ask for them. Be ready to firmly and confidently advocate for yourself.

When talking testing and safety with potential partners, be sure to share what you were tested for and when, as well as asking for the same information from your potential partner. Some people dont just want to talk about testing, they want to see the actual test results. This can take the form of a printout of results, or even results sent online or via apps designed to do this job.

While youre checking in about safety, its also important to talk about birth control—if thats relevant to any of the participants involved. Remember, even if youre using condoms, they arent a sure thing, so its nice to have a backup method of birth control on board.

While it can seem like these conversations may be awkward, or just not sexy, they are a great way to make sure everyone is looking out for each other. And having this conversation is a good way to find out if the people involved will be able to have other tricky conversations that might come up.

Before you have the talk, figure out what answers youre hoping to hear, so that youre not making a judgment call in the moment. When faced with a cute person youd like to have sex with, the temptation is too strong to bend your own boundaries and feel bad about it later. So make an agreement with yourself— and your partner(s) if you have them—about what kind of safety protocols work for you.

For example, do you want people to have been tested in the last three months? Six months? The last year? What do you want them to have been tested for?

You may also want to know how many partners someone has had since their tests and what their barrier use practices are. Also, whether they have these conversations with everyone they have sex with. If someone is taken aback by this conversation, theres a good chance they never do it. I find you learn as much about someone by _how_ they have this conversation as you do from what they actually say.

Once youve decided to move forward, you also need to decide what safety precautions you want to take for your encounter. What activities will you engage in and what barriers do you want to use? Whatever you decide, its helpful if multiple people bring supplies, just in case. You dont want your activities to be cut short due to a lack of condoms, or gloves, or other supplies.

Build Your Conversation

Information you might want to cover:

▶ When you were last tested, what you were tested for, and your results.

▶ Your relationship status and relationship agreements.

▶ How you identify your gender and sexuality, your pronouns, and your body part words.

▶ Sexual encounters you have had since you were last tested.

▶ Your barrier use practices with other partners.

▶ Whether you always have safer sex conversations.

Multiple Players, Multiple Boundaries?

Safer sex is always an important consideration, but it can become especially confusing when there are multiple people playing at once. Multiple people can mean multiple layers of boundaries. For example, maybe two people in the bed are fluid bonded, but neither wants to exchange fluids with the third person.

Aside from having different layers of boundaries in mind, when it comes to multiple bodies in a bed, it can get difficult to even remember whose hands or mouths have been where.

Think about it: maybe you go down on your sweetie like youre used to doing, and then you want to kiss the third person—well, now there are fluids on your mouth you may be exchanging. Or maybe youve touched someone elses genitals and then youre going to touch your own, or your partners. It can be hard to keep track of where your hands have been.

Rather than keep track of different levels of boundaries and where everyone has been, it can be easier to have everyone playing adhere to the strictest level of boundaries at play in the space. Meaning, if theres a couple who usually swaps fluids but doesnt want to exchange fluids with the third, maybe this encounter involves no fluid exchange at all. Perhaps oral sex is off the table, or is done with condoms and/or dental dams for everyone involved.

People in the kinky or queer communities are familiar with the use of gloves for safer-sex, but often other folks havent heard the idea. While it might sound strange or impersonal at first, gloves are a fantastic way to introduce some additional safety to your sexual adventures.

One approach is for all genital touch to be done with gloves so you can easily switch to a fresh pair for the next person or activity. You can even color-code your gloves so you know which one touches which person. Maybe purple gloves for partner A and blue gloves for partner B. You can also use the color-coding technique to track kinds of play to avoid cross contamination, such as anal play and vaginal play. Or you can even use colorcoding to tell different sizes of gloves apart at a glance.

Another way to avoid cross contamination in groups is to dedicate particular sex toys to each person so you dont need to remember whats been used where. Otherwise you might want to use barriers over all of your toys—even for use on yourself— and be sure to swap them between each use.

Barriers and Supplies

Mouthwash—There is some evidence that using antiseptic mouthwash after performing oral sex can decrease the likelihood of oral STI transmission. However, the protection this may give is not nearly certain enough to count on this as your only precaution.

Dental dams—Dental dams dont get nearly enough love, but they make oral sex so much safer! A dam is simply a rectangle of latex that you spread over the area you want to put your mouth on. You can use a dental dam for oral/vulva contact or oral/ anal contact. There are even companies making wearable dental dams—meaning dams that you can pull on like underwear and that stay in place hands free. So theres no more excuse about them being awkward to keep in place.

Condoms—The safer-sex classic, condoms are for penises and for any phallic shaped toy. Condoms come in a variety of materials, most commonly latex—but with an ever-growing list of nonlatex options for people who have sensitivities or allergies.

Its also worth noting that condoms come in a range of sizes and styles. You can look up condom size charts online, as theres no standardized sizing across brands. It really is worth finding a condom that fits comfortably. You can also get sample packages from many sex shops or online retailers so you can keep trying options until you find one that you like.

If youre not used to wearing condoms—maybe youve been with the same partner for a long time and youre fluid bonded— you may want to get used to them again before you try them with a new partner. Theres enough pressure during your first time with a new person—try not to add even more variables.

Go to a sex shop, or order online, and get a nice sample of condom brands, sizes, and styles. Then start trying them with your existing partner or when you masturbate. Get comfortable putting them on, and get comfortable playing while wearing them. That way theyll be second nature again before you need them during your threesome.

Internal condoms—Sold under the brand name FC2, internal condoms can be worn in a vaginal canal or a rectum. These are a great option for people who have concerns about erections coming and going during play, as theres no risk of the condom slipping off, like there can be with external condoms.

The great threesome hack with internal condoms is that, if you have more than one hole at play, you can have each person wearing an internal condom and the penis can go back and forth! You cant do that with an external condom, as that would still transmit fluids between the two receivers.

Internal condoms can also provide some additional safety from skin-to-skin STI transmission, like HSV, because the opening of the condom covers some of the vulva.

To use an internal condom, youll need to make sure youre using lube. The condoms also come with an internal ring thats supposed to make them easier to insert. However, some people find them uncomfortable and you can remove them before use. If youre going to use an internal condom for anal sex, youll definitely want to remove the internal ring first.

Gloves—Latex or nitrile gloves are an incredibly useful tool to have in your safer sex kit. They help make sure that your fingernails wont scratch whatever sensitive tissues theyre touching (especially important for vaginal or anal penetration), and they also prevent bacteria from the hands or nails being transferred to a partner. Not only that, but gloves make cleanup much easier. Rather than running to the bathroom to wash your hands several times during sex, you can simply remove gloves and put on a new pair. This is especially important when moving between anal and vaginal play—as cross contamination can cause infections—or when moving between touching two peoples genitals.

Because some people have a latex allergy, I find its easier to just keep nitrile gloves on hand so I dont have to worry about which gloves to use. Personally, I find the black gloves pretty sexy, but I keep different colors for easy, at-a-glance size differentiation. (As a bonus, I always have gloves if I want to dye my hair or do a messy household task!)

Lube—We already talked about lube as a supply to have on hand, but did you know that lube contributes to safer sex, too?

Using lube can help prevent microtears of sensitive tissues, and that in turn keeps you safer, as those tears can allow bacteria or viruses into the body. Lube can also help make sure that barriers arent experiencing too much friction, making them less likely to tear.

When youre choosing lube, make sure you do your research. Head to a sex-positive store in your area or hit up one of the online retailers in the resource section. You want to make sure youre getting a high-quality lube that has only body-safe ingredients.

Many water-based lubes have additives like glycerin that can cause yeast infections, or other additives that can cause burning or irritation. I like to stick with a simple body-safe water-based lube for all my play. Be especially suspicious of anything that warms up, cools down, or comes in flavors—those are going to have extra ingredients that probably arent very good for you.

Silicone lube is simpler because its just silicone. So thats body-safe. The trick there is that silicone lube isnt compatible with silicone sex toys. So youve got to pay attention to whats going where.

You can also get oil-based lubes, but beware—oil degrades condoms and other barriers so they cant be used together. (That goes for things like coconut oil too, which can also have other complications. Stick to things sold and tested as sexual lubricants.)

Safety Tips

If youre going to be having any skin-to-skin contact or swapping any fluids, keep in mind you want your body to be as protected as possible.

While we all want good breath before making out with a cutie, try not to brush your teeth for at least a few hours before performing oral sex. Brushing your teeth can create microtears in your gums, and then youre basically bringing an open wound to the party that you may rub against someones genitals or genital fluids—placing you at greater risk. So, especially if youre going to perform oral sex (on a penis, vulva, or anus), stick to mouthwash or a mint for before-play freshness.

The same theory holds true when it comes to shaving! If you shave your pubic hair (or get it waxed), try to leave twenty-four hours between your grooming routine and your sex adventure. Otherwise you could have openings in your skin that make it easier to pick up an infection.

Remember to use a new barrier every time you switch activities. If youre going to be penetrating two people, you need to switch condoms every time you switch partners. If youre switching between anal sex and vaginal sex with the same person, you need to switch condoms. Same is true for gloves and dental dams. They only do their job if theyre only used once! Make sure you start with plenty of barriers on hand so you can keep switching them out while you play. And do yourself a favor and keep a trash can next to the bed for ease of disposal.


Input:
 Write a chapter about common pitfalls in threesomes, including:

1. Discussing unexpected feelings, such as jealousy or insecurity, and how to address them.
2. Emphasizing the importance of naming and acknowledging feelings, and not pushing them down or ignoring them.
3. Encouraging readers to speak up about their feelings to their partner(s) and not to blame them for their emotions.
4. Addressing the issue of safer-sex slipups and how to handle them, including negotiating in advance about how to manage potential accidents.
5. Providing examples of how to communicate effectively during a threesome, such as using "I" statements and making requests rather than accusations.
6. Describing the experience of having unexpected romantic feelings during a threesome and how to navigate those emotions.
7. Discussing the importance of open and honest communication, and how to handle missing communication or crossed boundaries.
8. Providing examples of how jealousy or missing communication can negatively impact a threesome, and how to address those issues.

In addition, you could include a real-life example of a threesome gone wrong due to poor communication or unexpected feelings, and how the individuals involved were able to address and learn from the situation. You could also provide tips for avoiding common pitfalls, such as having a clear and open discussion about boundaries and expectations beforehand, and checking in with each other regularly during the threesome to ensure everyone is comfortable and having a good time.

Response:
CHAPTER

21

COMMON PITFALLS

Unexpected Feelings

The first step to addressing any difficult feeling is to name it. Think about your feelings until you have some words for what youre experiencing—is it jealousy, insecurity, overwhelm? Speak up about how youre feeling to your partner(s). Simply pushing down the feeling and letting it fester only makes things worse.

Too often we decide that having an emotion like jealousy or insecurity makes us a bad partner, or even a bad person, and that fear makes us stay quiet. Then were dealing with shame on top of everything else. The number one way to combat shame is to share what youre feeling. Allow others to hear and validate your feelings and to reassure you.

Its helpful to remember that feelings arent facts. Maybe youre afraid that your partner thinks a third is more attractive than you. While your fears are valid, and worth recognizing, that doesnt mean theyre the truth. Make sure that you can acknowledge your feelings while also recognizing when theyre coming from a place of fear, and dont take the voices in your head at their word.

When youre talking to someone about your fears and insecurities, make sure to own your own feelings. These feelings arent something your partners are doing to you. Dont say, "Youre making me jealous." Try saying, "When I see you kiss someone else, I feel jealous." Remember to use "I" statements—that will be more likely to create empathy on the part of the listener. Otherwise youre just accusing them of something, and theyre likely to get defensive.

If possible, have a solution or request in mind at the same time. "When I see you kiss someone else, I feel jealous. Would you please kiss me now?" Sometimes its as easy as getting the attention youre craving.

This can also go the other way—unexpected romantic feelings when things were agreed to be, or expected to stay, casual.

It turns out, feelings are unpredictable. And all the agreements in the world cant prevent them from cropping up. Be ready to have the conversation if someone catches feelings during or after a threesome.

Are you open to having that conversation? Is continuing to see someone an option? If so, would that be separately or together?

Remember that just like equal attraction isnt a given, neither are equal feelings. Its possible that two of the three people will form a distinct connection. While you can certainly decide thats something that wont be pursued, having the feelings come up can still be disruptive.

Safer-Sex Slipups

No amount of negotiation or preparation can safeguard against the occasional accident. Whether its being forgetful or having a barrier slip or break, things happen.

If youve already had a solid safer-sex talk, you should have a good idea about how the people youre playing with treat safety concerns. In fact, one of the reasons to have that talk is to get a sense of how people will handle accidents if they happen.

If youd like, you can even negotiate in advance about how youd like to manage potential accidents. For example, if a condom or other barrier slips off or out of place—what next? Do you put on a new barrier and keep going, or is that the end of activities for the evening?

Either way, its best to acknowledge what happened, when it happens, and see what everyone needs in the moment. While some people feel comfortable carrying on and addressing things more thoroughly later, sometimes it will break the flow to the extent that the encounter needs to stop entirely. Its also possible that someone will be upset enough in the moment that they need to stop and have a conversation about next steps, or simply be comforted.

Remember that while stopping can be disappointing, if youre careful about peoples needs and feelings, theyll be a lot more likely to want to play again another time.

While regular STI testing is always a good idea, some people may want to go in for an additional test if there has been unplanned fluid exchange or skin-to-skin contact. Do your research about incubation periods, and talk to your doctor about your concerns, because you generally wont get an accurate test result within a few days of potential exposure.

If you know the person you were playing with had an STI, and know you were exposed, tell your doctor and theyll likely provide treatment even without waiting for a positive test result.

Jealousy Threesome

Many years ago I explored an intense D/s dynamic with a new partner. It was my first relationship with explicit power play, and it brought up feelings Id never dealt with before. Being experienced with open relationships, I knew that I didnt default to jealousy. But something about this new dynamic made me compare myself to everyone else this particular partner was playing with.

Making things worse, he was a photographer, too. And while I loved the images he took of me and of our play, he also photographed his other partners. So I didnt just hear about what he was up to with other people, I got to see it too.

One night I made the mistake of checking social media when I couldnt sleep, and I saw that hed posted pictures of a scene with someone I felt jealous about. She was younger than I was, and somehow Id decided she was more fun, or a better fit for him.

The pictures showed that theyd been engaging in the same kinds of play he and I had just done the day before. The same toys were being used, and the photo was even captioned with a phrase hed said to me. I didnt get back to sleep all night.10

Soon after that, he organized a photoshoot with me, her, and one other partner/model. We were out in the woods together, freezing our asses off, and making art. After the shoot he invited us all over for tea to warm up. Only the woman Id been comparing myself to and I were able to stay.

At first, my heart sank. What would it be like to spend time with both of them at once? One-on-one she and I were friendly, but I didnt know what to expect from the combined dynamic. We sat there sipping our tea, and before long he proposed kink play with both of us. I was hesitant at first, but couldnt stand the idea of opting out and having them play without me.11

We began a threesome featuring parallel play. She and I interacted, of course, but the kink and sex play was between each of us and him. A _V-_ shaped threesome, with him at the crux. Adding to the fun, she and I were both blindfolded, so we could hear what was going on, but couldnt see anything.

She and I were on our hands and knees on the floor, and our wrists and ankles were tied together, my left to her right. This kept us so close to each other that we easily felt every movement and reaction from the other person. For example, he would spank her, and I would feel her body moving with each impact and hear the sounds she made in response. I got both the thrill of the auditory voyeurism as well as the anticipation of knowing everything I was hearing would happen to me next.

Even though he was doing the same exact things to both of us, saying the same exact words, I could see how different it was. What he was doing was the same, but the way she and I reacted was totally different. I was well behaved, she was bratty. I followed direction, she acted out. The dynamic couldnt have been more different. By the time the threesome moved from kinky to sexy, I was fully relaxed and turned on.

As we transitioned from one kind of play to the next, he untied us. He knew I was enjoying listening to the play, so he moved her onto the bed first and left me sitting on a bench to the side of the bed, still blindfolded and with instructions to hold still. I no longer had the physical input for what was happening, but I could hear everything. And I was familiar enough with the sound of the Magic Wand vibrator turning on to know what was coming next.

I now knew our reactions would be totally different, so I was able to go into listening to her being teased and begging for orgasm with my own erotic glee. By the time it was my turn, I was already close to getting off.

When everything was done, we collapsed into a snuggle pile on the bed and eventually got up the strength to make more cups of tea.

I wouldnt have been able to understand it if I hadnt been part of it, but all my feelings of comparison and competition had melted away. It wasnt that we were interchangeable. What he got from playing with each of us was entirely different. And what each of us got out of it was different, too. I was deeply emotionally invested, and she was playfully having a good time.

Id heard so much talk of threesomes causing jealousy, I couldnt believe a threesome had cured mine.12

Missing Communication

If there are problems in communication, theyre going to show. You may think that once sex starts happening, itll smooth over any issues, but usually the opposite is true. Sex will highlight any places where theres tension, missing communication, or fuzzy or crossed boundaries.

Take this example from Kat Stark, author of Waking up polyamorous and Yelling In pasties: The Wet coast confessions of an Anxious slut:

_My worst threesome experiences have been to do with poor communication._

_In one example, I had traveled seven hours to visit a long-distance love, and I joined him and his partner in a threesome the first night I arrived. I was very attracted to her, and in normal circumstances I would want to get all up in her business, but the reality was I was really there for him. We hadnt seen each other in six months, and I wanted to focus on renewing that connection after a lengthy break, but I knew she tended to feel left out of things so I was hyper-conscious the entire time about making sure I was giving her as much attention as I could._

_Every time he and I began focusing on each other, the tension built in a really uncomfortable way, and I felt like we were doing something wrong. As the threesome went on, it became clearer and clearer that there was some sort of issue going on in their relationship that I wasnt privy to, and while each of us had had an orgasm by the end of the night, I dont think any of us left the experience feeling satisfied. We did not threesome again, and honestly, it killed my interest in group sex for quite a while._

If theres existing tension in your relationship, be sure to address it before adding people to the mix. And if youre noticing tension while youre playing, youre probably better off pausing for a conversation or rescheduling entirely, to avoid being turned off of group play for a long time.

Jealousy

To understand jealousy, we need to understand what we mean by the term. Jealousy is more of a category than a particular feeling of its own. And like any difficult feeling, it gives us information about our needs, wants, and boundaries.

Jealousy can be a catch-all term that includes feelings of comparison, envy, fear, insecurity, and much more. Its helpful to dig into exactly what youre feeling, because knowing what kind of jealousy youre experiencing is necessary for managing it.

Fear of jealousy is one of the main reasons I hear for avoiding threesomes, so its worth exploring in detail. Hopefully youve done some exploration around this already, but lets dig a little deeper.

All the planning in the world cant prevent unexpected feelings from popping up in the moment. And while this might surprise you, its _okay_ to feel jealous.

Feeling jealous doesnt make you a bad partner or a bad friend or a bad lover. It doesnt even make you bad at threesomes. It just makes you human. Youre the only one who can decide how distressing these feelings are and whether feeling them is a worthwhile price to pay to have the threesome experience youre considering.

Once youve decided to go ahead with the threesome, youll need to keep checking in with yourself. Believe it or not, you may have to remind yourself to do this part. Theres a lot going on in a threesome, and its easy to get lost in the moment and not realize for a while that youre not entirely present.

Once you realize youre having a hard time with something, remember its better to speak up in the moment than to do things youre not comfortable with or to stay in a situation you find upsetting. Continuing to push past your own boundaries can do you harm and can cause you to feel resentment towards the other people involved, and maybe towards threesomes in general.

Try to dig into what youre feeling in the moment—and what you need in response to that reaction. Then its time to make a request.

Maybe what you need to ask for is that everything pause for a minute so you can get your bearings. Maybe theres a particular activity you need to stop or shift. If you have a partner in the mix, maybe you need a moment to check in with them or feel a little more connection.

Its always okay to ask for what you need—just keep in mind that if your request becomes a list of things you want the other people to do, it might be better to just call things to a halt.

If youre in a threesome with an existing partner, it can help to remember that youre in this together. This is an experience youve decided to share, and youre there as a team. So even if theres a moment when youre watching your partner do something with a new person and feeling left out, remember that its still a shared experience. The threesome is what it is because youre there, too. Even if you dont feel entirely hands-on at every moment.

If you feel left out, ask yourself if the experience the other two are having is different because of you—and the answer is almost certainly yes. While people may seem distracted during sex, its hard to forget youre being watched. And that means your presence is heightening the experience for everyone there, and likely increasing arousal too.

Remember that the experience youre sharing isnt just the sex. Youve shared all the planning that went into making it happen, and youre going to have memories of the experience to share, too. Youll get to relive the threesome together, talk about your experience—from what you felt to what you saw— and youll have dirty talk and arousal material to use for a long time going forward.

If you start to feel jealous, or left out, is there a way you can turn that around? Can you look at whats happening in front of you and find something to enjoy about what youre seeing? Can you imagine how youll describe the scene to your partner later; what it was like watching them with another person? Jealousy and arousal are both such activated states that sometimes we can consciously shift from one to the other.

Crossed Boundaries

If you have enough threesomes (or really, enough sex of any kind), theres going to be a "whoops" at some point. Whether its something silly, like someone tumbling out of the bed or taking an elbow to a sensitive spot, or something serious, like crossing a stated boundary, youll need to respond.

Remember that peoples boundaries and limits may not be intuitive to you. In fact, someone might dislike something thats a regular part of your sexual repertoire. I still feel bad about the time I licked someones ear after theyd told me that was a limit for them. For some reason, it just didnt stick in my brain. We paused, I apologized, and they accepted my apology and felt okay to continue playing.

First of all, if youve crossed a boundary, take it seriously. It doesnt matter if you think its a big deal—it matters how the other person feels. And acknowledging their feelings is key. In the moment, that might be tricky, because you may be embarrassed or even defensive. So do your best to move through those feelings and take care of the person who has been harmed.

Keep in mind the elements of a good apology. Take responsibility for what happened and acknowledge your actions. Make sure the other person knows you understand the situation. And if possible, share how youll make sure it doesnt happen again.

Dont try to pass things off with, "Im sorry you feel that way." And make sure you dont make excuses or try to diminish the severity of what happened. A bad apology only makes the situation worse.

What if youre the one whose boundary was crossed? First, you need to decide if you want to continue playing. If so, make sure the other people realize what has happened. Point out that a boundary was crossed, and restate your boundary, making sure everyone is clear. If there is understanding all around, and youre feeling comfortable, you might choose to resume playing.

And if it takes you totally out of the mood and you need to stop? Thats okay too. Its still worth addressing in the moment, if you feel up to it. And then you can decide if you want to try again another time, or if you simply dont feel comfortable playing with this person or people again.

Treating People Like Merit Badges

Some people have a sexual bucket list, and if that leads to fun and adventure, then good for them! But its important to remember that people are more than a tick-box on your list. So if some of your to-do list items slice and dice people by race, gender, or other physical identifiers, you might want to closely examine your motivations.

Think about the ways certain races, ethnicities, or bodies have been sexualized as part of their stereotyping. Considering certain people "exotic" is incredibly problematic, and falls under the category of treating people like objects or sexual props—one of the major threesome no-nos.

Black men, in particular, have been sexualized in a threesome context. While often part of a cuckolding fantasy, this fetishization can occur in any threesome dynamic. The fetishization of black men is so common in some sexual spaces that BBC (for big black cock) is a commonly understood acronym. Remember that reducing someone to a physical trait is demeaning and unethical.

A few years ago, as part of my advice column for my local newspaper, I did a piece about racism in threesome partner selection. For the piece, I reached out to several friends and colleagues for their insight. For this book, I talked to Kevin Patterson, author of _Loves Not Color Blind,_ again. He echoed a lot of the themes that weve already discussed in this book, such as treating people with respect, while putting his own spin on the idea:

_Its been my experience, as someone who has had a lot of threesomes, that the best sexy situations [are] when the people involved all respect one another. When the people involved all see one another. If youre looking at someone from a racially fetishized lens, youre not seeing this person, youre not respecting them_ — _youre approaching them as just another object, as a dark-skinned dildo, in a situation that requires a full-fledged, well-rounded, respected human being._

_You always have to do that mental math to make sure thats not the situation that youre in. If youre Black in America, you have to do that in every situation, but also in group sex situations._

_If somebody is inviting you to a play party or to a threesome, and they dont know that much about you, you have to stop and wonder what is it that they know about you_ — _what are they inviting, not who are they inviting._

_Within the last couple of years, Ive found myself among a group of friends who enjoy group sex. But where people know one another. We can have conversations, we can go out to eat, we can do other things, we can have our kids play together. But then we can also have group sex._

_Ive been in situations where Ive felt like somebody was inviting me along who didnt really know me. Or someone would invite me to their home, but wouldnt invite me out with their friends. Thats when you do the math in your head and say, "I know whats really happening here." And these are all well-meaning liberals, these are all people who would have voted for Obama for a third term, these are people whove seen Get Out in theaters._

_Ive been in situations where Im having a conversation with somebody and talking about geek shit and they keep making it about race, or Im talking about sports, and theyre making it about race, and okay—I see what you think I bring to the table here. I see what perspective youre looking for._

_It ends up being the math you have to do in so called sex-positive, group sex, orgy situations. You have to understand people are bypassing some of the typical getting-to- know-you or vetting conversations, because they might feel they already know what they need for the activity they want you to engage in._

_If you dont know me, and you feel like you know me, I know what it is that you think you know._

_Everybody has their own measurement for . . . how much white nonsense theyre willing to put up with. For me, I wont go to unfamiliar sexy places. I wont go to sexy places with unfamiliar hosts. Im not going to take a partner and go to the local swing club. Ill go if Im there with several people that I know. Ill go if its a kink and queer night. I find that in those instances, the queer folks have a better understanding, having to deal with their own oppression. I find that kink spaces understand consent better. On those nights, I know I can do less mental math._

_So I wont go places where Im not familiar with the host, or where Im not with a group of people, because if I get invited to fuck people I dont really know, I know theyre not looking to fuck Kevin, I know theyre looking for "big black cock." And thats not what Im here for._

When it comes to choosing partners for threesomes or group sex, Kevin and I agree—its better to get to know the person:

_Ask yourself questions about the person youre trying to include in your sex. How much do you know about this person? Do you know their middle name? Do you know where they work? Do you know where they went to school? The things that round out a person. Do you know what their hopes and ambitions are? Do you know which way they vote? Do you know this person, or do you know about this person? Do you know who this person is, or do you know what this person is?_

_If you only know what they are, you should leave them alone._

As for people who are just interested in casual sex?

_Even if your goal is just to fuck, treating people like people makes that work better anyway. When you treat people well, you get to fuck again._

For more great information from Kevin, check out his book, _Loves Not Color Blind,_ especially the chapter about dating preferences.

10 To be fair, that wasnt a great move on his part.

11 Do as I say, not as Ive done!

12 Results not guaranteed.


Input:
 Write a chapter about the importance of flexibility, improvisation, and having a plan B during a threesome. Include the following points:

1. Emphasize the value of keeping expectations low and being open to different outcomes.
2. Discuss the benefits of being present in the moment and not focusing too much on a pre-planned script.
3. Suggest having a list of possible positions and scenarios without being committed to each one.
4. Encourage readers to embrace restrictions and changes as opportunities for improvisation.
5. Provide examples of situations where last-minute changes led to better experiences than originally planned.
6. Explain how not having external sources to compare oneself to can help avoid feelings of inadequacy or failure.
7. Offer reassurance that as long as everyone is enjoying the experience, there is no wrong way to engage in a threesome.

Response:
CHAPTER

22

FLEXIBILITY, IMPROVISATION, AND HAVmG A PLAN B

Be Flexible

As weve discussed, you dont need to enact every fantasy you have during your first threesome. The more expectations you have, the more room there is for disappointment. Remember that if your threesome goes well, theres no reason there cant be a second, and a third, and so on. So better to keep it simple and have it go well (and leave everyone wanting more) than to try and do too much and feel disappointed.

Another reason to stay flexible is that it will help you enjoy the experience. If youre working your way through a mental threesome to-do list, youre not present in the moment, and you might realize later that you spent so much time choreographing that you forgot to enjoy yourself.

If you want to be ready for whatever comes, youve got a few options. You can have a whole list of positions and scenarios you want to try, while having no particular commitment to each one. That way you can easily switch from one suggestion to the next, depending on what feels good for everyone.

Or, you can challenge yourself to go into the bedroom with no list at all, and simply go with the flow and see what the energy of the people manifests. (And if thats terrifying, you can always keep this book under the bed for reference if you feel stuck.)

Restrictions and Changes Are a Blessing

So, you get your dream threesome together and then find out someone has a boundary or limit you didnt know about—now what?

This might be a blessing in disguise.

Because you cant do exactly what youd planned on, now you have to go with the flow and improvise in the moment. And that might lead to an even better experience than if things had gone as planned.

This is an experience Ive had with rope bondage on more than one occasion. Ill make a rope date, and when we finally get down to playing, Ill learn something about my play partners body that throws everything Id planned out the window. In one example, I found out at the last minute that it wasnt good for my play partner to keep their knees bent for any length of time. So I had to entirely scrap my plans and just improvise. We ended up having an incredibly connective and sensual experience. Instead of the elaborate ties and positions Id planned, we instead focused on the feeling of the rope as it moved across their skin and restrained their body. I watched their face and listened to the sounds they made and used that feedback as my guide for what to do next.

Had I not found out about a last-minute restriction, I would have moved through the series of poses Id planned—and I would have had something to compare myself to. Would the ties I did look like the pictures Id seen online? Or would it look like the time Id seen it done at a party?

As long as theres an outside source to compare yourself to, its easy to feel like youre falling short. But if youre simply enjoying the experience as it comes, its impossible to do wrong.


Input:
 Write a chapter titled "More Than A Threesome?" discussing the possibility of a one-off threesome turning into a relationship. Include the following points:

1. Explain that this kind of relationship is called an ethical triad, where everyone's needs and feelings are considered.
2. Discuss the importance of communication and the reconfiguration of the relationship.
3. Describe possible structures for a triad, such as a triangle or a V.
4. Warn about the complications of having an imbalance in who can interact with whom.
5. Provide advice on avoiding trouble by not legislating different levels within the triad.
6. Emphasize the need to let each dynamic take its own shape.
7. Share a personal story or anecdote about forming a triad.
8. Discuss the concept of steady play partners and how they differ from triads.
9. Explain the concept of swinging/partner swap and the importance of equal enthusiasm.
10. Define group sex and provide examples from personal experiences.
11. Discuss the importance of consent, communication, and preparation in group sex situations.
12. Mention the possibility of forming a triad or a steady play partner arrangement without the intention of doing so from the beginning.
13. Include a footnote explaining the term "AMAB" (Assigned Male At Birth).

Response:
CHAPTER

23

MORE THAN A THREESOME?

Triads/Thrupples

Can what starts as a one-off threesome turn into a relationship? Absolutely. But it takes a lot of talking and a complete reconfiguration of the relationship. In an ethical triad, like in an ethical threesome, everybodys needs and feelings are considered. That means you cant simply tack a new person on to an existing relationship. Instead, youre forming a new relationship that involves three people.

Does that mean there cant be hierarchy in that new relationship? Not necessarily. But its important that its considered and negotiated, rather than the default setting based on seniority.

Typical structures for a triad are either a triangle where everyone is involved with everyone, or a _V_ where theres a central person with two partners, but all three people are in the relationship, perhaps nesting together.

What gets tricky is if theres an imbalance in who can interact with whom. A triad is really four relationships. Its each persons relationship with each other person, and then the group as a whole.

Trying to legislate different levels within the triad can be tricky. For example, saying there can be threesomes, but the third cant have solo sex with either party—or can with one person but not the other. These kinds of rules can make trouble. They might work in the context of a one-off threesome, or even ongoing casual play partners, but in the context of a relationship it will likely spell disaster.

Its unrealistic to expect each wing of the relationship to have exactly the same depth and quality of feelings. If youre going to delve into this kind of relationship, you need to let each dynamic take its own shape.

Heres what Cooper Becket, author of My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory and A Life Less Monogamous has to say:

_Hard to believe its four years ago, already. At a party with some friends in January, my partner Elle and I met Taran. She "got" us, and we got her. Wed played together a couple of times, but mostly in bigger groups or as divided solo play. When we saw Taran at a party in March, something overwhelmed us a bit, and we all gravitated to each other. Despite the party having dozens of sexy people writhing and fucking all around us, our focus narrowed until it was only us three. That night we cycled through an ever rotating series of sexual combinations, tasting and feeling together, until we culminated in two variations of DP—-first Elle wearing a harness and the two of us with Taran, and then Taran wearing it and the two of us fucking Elle. The experience blacked out the rest of the world, and even as the party wound down, we were just us three. That was the night we became a triad, and we celebrate it as our anniversary, even now, four years later._

Steady Play Partners

If a triad relationship sounds like too much work or too much negotiation, never fear, thats not the only way to keep the threesome action going with the same group of people.

While a triad can be a relationship thats both steady and serious, you can also have a relationship thats steady—or at least ongoing—while not being very serious.

Theres a couple Ive been seeing for threesomes for most of a year now, and its still firmly in the casual category. Theyre married, they live together, and when we get together its mostly for sex.

On our first date, we simply went out to dinner to get a sense of each other. We didnt go home together, we didnt so much as kiss. But there was enough chemistry and potential that our next date was dinner at my place, just in case. When we hit it off again, that second date led to sex. And the second date led to a third date, and so on.

But aside from our first dinner date, each subsequent date has been at my home. And while I cooked dinner the first time, the third date and beyond have been much simpler, usually just sharing dessert post sex. Thats not to say our connection is only about sex. We sit and chat for a while before we get to that part, and we genuinely get along. We talk about our jobs and about current events, the way any friends would do. But at the same time, its clear why theyve come over.

Texting between dates is occasional. Maybe a sexy picture here and there or maybe a picture from a hike or a vacation. Just general check-ins. One of the ways you can make sure a connection stays in the casual realm is by not texting constantly. A few check-ins are nice, but if youre talking every day, thats the path to a more serious relationship.

* * *

There are a number of ways to form a steady or ongoing play partner arrangement. And luckily, they start the same way as finding a one-off threesome. Just like any first (or second) date that goes well, you check in the next day or a few days later and see if everyone would like to do it again sometime.

That doesnt mean "sometime" needs to be particularly soon. It can simply be on the table for the next time schedules align. And that can be a month, two months, or even more between dates.

This distance—both not talking constantly and not seeing a lot of each other—helps prevent more serious feelings from developing. So if you want ongoing without more serious commitment, just make sure your logistics are supporting that desire.

Swinging/Partner Swap

All of the considerations and negotiations for three people apply when playing with four or more—but more people, more problems? Not necessarily. Sometimes playing with even numbers of people, such as two couples, can feel easier because its less likely to leave one odd person out.

At the same time, having two people pair off, like in a classic partner swap, can bring up unique issues. In a threesome, the idea is that all three people are playing together. With four or more, its likely that little pairs or groups will form, so its possible to feel less connected with an existing partner if you have one.

A classic swinging scenario is two couples (typically both M/F) who meet up and "swap" partners, often in the same space. The way this parallel play occurs is usually within sight of the other folks playing, but while youve also got your hands full. So youve got the support of your partner there, and some voyeurism and exhibitionism action, while being busy enough that youre not watching every single thing the other people are doing.

One of the tricks here is making sure each pair is equally enthusiastic about the trade off. You dont want to get stuck with someone feeling like they need to "take one for the team" because their partner is excited about it. Again, we never want someone having sex theyre not fully on board with. So if youre going this route, take the time to find people you both really feel good about.

Group Sex

Where does something make the jump to group sex? I think it depends on the configuration as much as it does on the number of people. With four people, you can have a partner swap or a group experience. Once you hit five people, youre looking at a higher likelihood of breakout groups.

Here are some examples from my life:

I was in a foursome scenario that didnt include any preexisting couples. There was a fella Id been on some dates with, but we didnt operate as a couple. More like kink play partners. One evening I met up with him and two of his other friends, one I knew and one I didnt. Both were women. The four of us were getting together to go to a polyamory meetup together. After the event, we all went back to the fellas house.

Spoiler alert: we all ended up having sex together. And this was one of those situations that could be described as organic or spontaneous—at least by an outside observer—because we didnt get together for the purpose of sex, and there wasnt a whole lot of conversation in advance.

But I think of it as a situation with hidden preparation, rather than being truly spontaneous. All four of us were already "orgy people." We were variously active in sex-positive, kink, and poly communities, and all of us had great communication skills plus experience with multiperson sex.

This is why I stress the importance of becoming the kind of person that group sex or threesomes happen to. Theres groundwork you can do well in advance.

The four of us snuggled on the couch for a while, and eventually there was some kissing. Before any particular pair kissed, someone always asked permission. This is one of the many ways you can demonstrate that youre good at communication, and put people at ease with good consent practices. Because we were asking about everything from the very beginning, from kissing, to where we put our hands, to eventually taking clothes off, everyone knew that nothing would happen before we were ready for it.

Eventually the couch became too awkward for four bodies and someone proposed a move to the bed. We all went and fell back into a pile. As is often the case with groups of four, we paired off a bit. I began going down on one of the women, while the fella bent the other woman over the bed to penetrate her from behind. So while we werent all involved in the exact same sex acts, we all had a great view of what was going on.

Over the course of the evening, people swapped around and tried different things. The fella and I had an existing agreement that we didnt engage in penetrative sex together, so during this group play that simply didnt come up. Thats another example of how having standing agreements can make things move more smoothly when you find yourself in group play.

That particular combination of people never got together for sex again, but everyone is still friends to this day.

What about the line between group sex and a sex party? More than five? More than seven?

I had an experience with six people that you could call a small sex party. It consisted of my then triad (myself plus one man and one woman), two women who were girlfriends, and an AMAB13 nonbinary person.

This particular group was all made up of friends and acquaintances, but not everyone in the group had been sexual with each other before. And within the group there were different degrees of both friendship and attraction.

We all got together with the explicit understanding that this was a sex party. But we eased into things slowly. We had dinner together and shared a lot of small talk before taking things even further.

In advance of the gathering, we prepared a space. We knew that six people would be too many for the queen-sized bed, so instead we brought a futon mattress and placed it on the living room floor, in front of the couch. A few sheets and blankets later, and we had a great cuddle zone.

This set-up was useful because it was easy to transition from kissing on the couch to rolling around on the (padded) floor. And it offered enough space for any combination of people—whether the whole group wanted to engage at once, or whether pairs or threesomes wanted to break off.

Having so many people meant a lot of options. It also made it easy for one or two people to take a snack break or get something to drink while other people were still playing. With more bodies it can be easier to slide in or out of the mix without being disruptive.

There was no PIV sex during this encounter. But there was lots of making out, hand sex, fisting, and prostate stimulation with both fingers and toys.

We also skipped oral sex, which meant that it was easier to maintain boundaries between people who didnt want to swap fluids. We simply swapped gloves between activities and between partners and always knew that was keeping people safe. Everyone was kissing everyone, so by keeping genital fluids off our mouths, we never had to remember who had been where, or run to the bathroom to wash our mouths or faces between activities.

If you can think beyond PIV or oral sex, there are tons of options and combinations of sex to be had—and you may find that the whole encounter can last even longer when youre thinking outside the box.

13 Assigned Male At Birth


Input:
 Write a chapter titled "Aftercare" discussing the importance of aftercare following a threesome. Include the following points:

1. Define aftercare and its importance in the kink and BDSM world.
2. Explain how aftercare can be a vulnerable time and the need to plan ahead.
3. Provide examples of common aftercare activities such as snuggling, sharing water and snacks, and having discussions.
4. Emphasize the importance of aftercare in the context of a threesome and how it can impact future encounters.
5. Discuss the significance of check-ins with all parties involved, including sending a follow-up text the next day.
6. Provide advice on having a chat about what went well and what could be improved for future encounters.
7. Suggest the idea of planning different focuses for future threesomes.
8. Discuss the benefits of going on a non-sexual date after a threesome to build connection and solidify friendships.
9. Explain the importance of reconnection time for existing couples after a threesome, including scheduling reconnection activities in advance.
10. Provide examples of valuable conversations couples can have after a threesome, such as discussing what was fun, what was learned, and what was especially hot.
11. Emphasize the need to be sensitive to any insecurities discussed before the threesome when discussing it after the fact.
12. Remind the reader to be gentle with themselves and not to push themselves too far or too fast in this process.
13. Encourage the reader to keep an open mind, try new things, and have fun.

Response:
CHAPTER

24

AFTERCARE

What Is Aftercare?

In the kink and BDSM world, _aftercare_ is the term used for the cool-down period after a scene. When weve experienced a period of intensity, whether physical or emotional, we can be left in a vulnerable state. Sometimes were not even aware of what we need in the moment, so its a great idea to plan ahead.

Aftercare often includes being wrapped up in a blanket, having some water and a snack, and sharing some snuggles.

If you think about it, you likely already have an aftercare routine for your sex. Do you snuggle? Shower together? Get a drink of water? Share some pillow talk?

Whatever you usually do, think about doing it with three. No one wants to be rushed out of bed after sex. And while there doesnt need to be an overnight (depending on what youve negotiated), at least let everyone catch their breath and feel good about the adventure before going their separate ways.

The kind of aftercare you do will be the lasting impression people head out the door with, or go to sleep thinking about, and aftercare routine can make or break whether theres a second threesome with the same group of people.

Check-Ins with All Parties

Even if youve done sweet aftercare right after your threesome, its a good idea to have at least one follow up in the days to come, unless theres a specific agreement not to.

Simply sending a text the next day is a nice gesture, and it opens the door for communication if there are issues to be discussed. Mostly its a nice way for everyone to say a quick thank you and reinforce a good feeling about the encounter.

Especially if you think youd like to get the same combination of people together again sometime, its much easier to text a proposition in a couple of weeks or months if youve already sent a nice message that wasnt asking for something.

If youd like to have a repeat performance, its a good idea to have a chat about what went well and what could be improved next time. This chat can happen in the days following the threesome, or it can be part of the negotiation for next time. In fact, even if youre not going to do it again, it can be helpful to discuss highlights and lowlights, so your next sexual encounter can benefit from that information, even if its with different people.

If someone was the center of attention for most of the threesome, it could be nice to plan a different focus for the next time, so that everyone can share in the benefits of multiperson sex. That can also be a useful and flirtatious thing to text. Maybe telling someone that youre excited for them to be the star of the show next time, or mentioning something youd love to do with them. It doesnt hurt to start building anticipation, even if itll be a while before you get together.

Post-Threesome Dates

A great way to reinforce the idea that no one in the threesome is just a plaything is to go on a nonsexual date after the threesome has happened. This way youre building connection that can support future play, or simply solidifying a friendship if play was a one-off.

If the threesome involves people who were already friends but hadnt had sex before, a post-threesome get-together can smooth the transition back into friendly hang-outs, and prove sooner rather than later that everyone can still get along outside of the bedroom.

If your threesome led to an overnight, going out to brunch the next day is an excellent option. If everyone went their separate ways, or has work first thing in the morning, consider scheduling a hangout soon, if this is the dynamic youre hoping to create.

Reconnection Time If Theres an Existing Couple

When an existing couple has an encounter with a third, it can be nice to plan some reconnection time in advance. Perhaps the partners spend the night together and the third goes home. Or, if everyone is staying over, maybe the reconnection is over coffee or breakfast the next day, or a date in the next day or two. Try to do it sooner rather than later, so that no difficult feelings have time to fester. Even the most confident among us likes to hear some sweetness from our partner after watching them have sex with someone else.

I actually had to explain this to a partner once. The day after a threesome, I told him I could use some sweetness and reassurance, and he was completely surprised. He told me that I seemed so confident that he hadnt even imagined that was something Id need. And then he proceeded to give me the reassurance I needed. While its lovely to hear that I present as so confident, its a good reminder that everyone likes some reassurance now and then.

Conversations that can be valuable include discussing what was fun about sharing this experience with your partner, what you learned by watching them with someone else, and what was especially hot.

Its helpful to celebrate the things that were fun, or that went well, to reinforce feeling good about the experience. Even if some areas need improvement, dont forget to also discuss the good parts, so youre not completely soured on threesomes going forward.

What were the highlights? What hot images are stuck in your head? Reliving these memories can propel fantasy and dirty talk for weeks, months, or years going forward.

Remember, though, that when talking about a threesome after the fact, you still want to be sensitive to any insecurities you discussed going into the threesome. Just because the actual threesome is over, the same guidelines apply. Dont fall into comparison talk or anything else that is likely to hurt feelings.

One caveat: whatever reconnection youre planning, make sure it doesnt come at the expense of the feelings of your third. For example, if you want the third to go home so the established couple can spend the night together, make sure thats negotiated in advance, and something everyone feels good about. Dont simply throw them out as soon as sex is over.

Be Gentle with Yourself

Theres a bit of advice I often give my clients at the end of a session: if at any point this process feels like work, or you find yourself dreading any part of it, it may be time to take a break. Sure, there can be a bit of discomfort when were trying new things, but make sure youre not pushing yourself too far, too fast.

Were aiming for fun and adventure, for intimacy and growth. And those things arent achieved in any one way. Hopefully, we spend our whole lives learning and trying new things. So theres no rush to have a threesome, or any other sexual experience.

Keep an open mind.

Try new things.

Have fun.


Input:
 Write a glossary section for a book on threesomes and non-monogamy. Include definitions for the following terms:

1. AFAB—Assigned female at birth.
2. AMAB—Assigned male at birth.
3. Barrier—Any form of physical safer sex protection, like a condom or dental dam.
4. BDSM—Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism.
5. Bisexual— someone who identifies as bisexual is attracted to people of both their same gender and people of different genders.
6. Cisgender—A person whose gender identity aligns with the gender they were assigned at birth.
7. Compersion—feeling joy for your partners joy.
8. Cuckold—A person who enjoys watching or hearing about their partners sexual experience with someone else. Usually in reference to a man.
9. Cuckqueen—A person who enjoys watching or hearing about their partners sexual experience with someone else. Usually in reference to a woman.
10. Dental dam—A safer-sex barrier that consists of a rectangle of latex (or other material) that prevents fluid exchange or skin-to-skin contact during oral sex on a vulva or anus.
11. Devils threesome—a threesome that includes two men and one woman. The term comes from the "devil horns" hand gesture you see at rock concerts, where in this case each horn is a penis.
12. Dominant/submissive—A power exchange in a kink or BDSM context. For the space of the scene (or the relationship), the submissive gives power to the dominant.
13. Dyad—any pair of people. In this context its used to distinguish between a romantic couple and a pair of friends who may engage as a unit during a threesome, or may come to the threesome as an existing unit.
14. Ethical nonmonogamy—an umbrella term for a variety of consensual nonmonogamous relationships. Meant to distinguish from unethical nonmonogamy, aka cheating.
15. Femme—Having your gender presentation be feminine. Often as part of a queer identity.
16. Fluid bonded—a term used in polyamory to describe a couple who doesnt use any barriers during sex. This means they share fluids during oral and/or penetrative sex.
17. FMF, MFM, FFM, MMF—various shorthand terms for a threesome, where the M and F stand for Male and Female. The positions of the letters are sometimes used to indicate what level of involvement each person would have (i.e. an MFM might be a spit-roast situation where the men dont touch each other), but also sometimes used interchangeably.
18. Full swap—A term typically used in swinging, when two couples come together and "swap" partners. Often this is done as parallel play, in the same room.
19. GGG - Good, Giving, and Game, a term coined by Dan Savage that you may run into on dating sites. Used to indicate that the person is sex-positive, maybe a little kinky, and generally open-minded.
20. Heteroflexible—Someone who is primarily attracted to people of another gender but who is "flexible" in certain play scenarios.
21. Homoflexible—Someone who is primarily attracted to people of the same gender but who is "flexible" in certain play scenarios.
22. Internal condom—A prophylactic device meant to be worn by the receiver of penetration. Can be used in a vaginal canal or rectum. (Most commonly sold under the brand FC2.)
23. Kink—A colloquial term for BDSM, often referring to anything thats a bit edgy or alternative in the sexual realm.
24. Nesting—Partners who live together, sometimes used to avoid more hierarchical language.
25. Nonbinary (enby)—Someone whose gender identity is neither male nor female, and who also rejects the idea of gender as a binary.
26. Pansexual—Someone attracted to people of all genders.
27. Parallel play—Often in a swinging context, engaging in sexual play in view of other people, but without crossover of activities.
28. Pegasus—A male unicorn, meaning a single man who joins a M/F couple for a threesome.
29. Pickup play—A term used in the kink and BDSM scene (though potentially relevant to sex parties as well) where players meet at the party and pick each other up, rather than having had plans in advance, or a preexisting relationship.
30. PIV—Penis in vagina.
31. Play partner—Used in the kink scene to refer to someone you engage in kink play with, and used more generally as someone you may have casual sexual encounters with.
32. Polyamory—Literally, "many loves." Polyamory refers to a relationship structure where people engage in multiple relationships with the knowledge and consent of all parties.
33. Polyfidelity—A polyamorous relationship that is open within the group, but not open to outsiders. Could refer to a triad/ thrupple or even a whole community.
34. Relationship anarchy—Applying the principles of anarchy to relationships. People who are relationship anarchists generally practice nonhierarchy and value personal autonomy.
35. Strap-on—A harness that fits around the waist and thighs to attach a dildo to the wearer in a way thats sturdy enough for penetration in a variety of positions.
36. Soft swap—a term from swinging that describes two couples playing together in a way that includes hand sex and oral sex, but not PIV.
37. Solo-polyamory—a form of polyamory where someone has no primary partner, but maintains multiple relationships.
38. Swinging/Swinger—People who engage in partner sharing or swapping.
39. Thrupple—A newer term for triad.
40. Top/bottom—Often heard in the queer or kink scenes, top refers to the person giving or doing, and bottom refers to the person receiving. For example: in a spanking, the top is doing the spanking and the bottom is receiving the spanking.
41. Triad—A relationship between three people. Can refer to a relationship where everyone is involved with everyone, or a _V_ relationship, where two people are dating the central "hinge" of the _V,_ but not each other.
42. Unicorn—Generally, any third in a threesome scenario. Initially coined to refer to an attractive bisexual woman who would join a couple to fulfill their fantasies while not having needs of her own, and who would then go her own way. Termed unicorn because such people dont exist.
43. Unicorn hunters—a somewhat derogatory term applied to couples who seek a unicorn for a threesome. Frowned upon because of the tendency of some couples to treat the third as an object.

Response:
GLOSSARY

AFAB—Assigned female at birth.

AMAB—Assigned male at birth.

Barrier—Any form of physical safer sex protection, like a condom or dental dam.

BDSM—Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism.

Bisexual— someone who identifies as bisexual is attracted to people of both their same gender and people of different genders.

Cisgender—A person whose gender identity aligns with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Compersion—feeling joy for your partners joy.

Cuckold—A person who enjoys watching or hearing about their partners sexual experience with someone else. Usually in reference to a man.

Cuckqueen—A person who enjoys watching or hearing about their partners sexual experience with someone else. Usually in reference to a woman.

Dental dam—A safer-sex barrier that consists of a rectangle of latex (or other material) that prevents fluid exchange or skin-to-skin contact during oral sex on a vulva or anus.

Devils threesome—a threesome that includes two men and one woman. The term comes from the "devil horns" hand gesture you see at rock concerts, where in this case each horn is a penis.

Dominant/submissive—A power exchange in a kink or BDSM context. For the space of the scene (or the relationship), the submissive gives power to the dominant.

Dyad—any pair of people. In this context its used to distinguish between a romantic couple and a pair of friends who may engage as a unit during a threesome, or may come to the threesome as an existing unit.

Ethical nonmonogamy—an umbrella term for a variety of consensual nonmonogamous relationships. Meant to distinguish from unethical nonmonogamy, aka cheating.

Femme—Having your gender presentation be feminine. Often as part of a queer identity.

Fluid bonded—a term used in polyamory to describe a couple who doesnt use any barriers during sex. This means they share fluids during oral and/or penetrative sex.

FMF, MFM, FFM, MMF—various shorthand terms for a threesome, where the M and F stand for Male and Female. The positions of the letters are sometimes used to indicate what level of involvement each person would have (i.e. an MFM might be a spit-roast situation where the men dont touch each other), but also sometimes used interchangeably.

Full swap—A term typically used in swinging, when two couples come together and "swap" partners. Often this is done as parallel play, in the same room.

GGG - Good, Giving, and Game, a term coined by Dan Savage that you may run into on dating sites. Used to indicate that the person is sex-positive, maybe a little kinky, and generally open-minded.

Heteroflexible—Someone who is primarily attracted to people of another gender but who is "flexible" in certain play scenarios.

Homoflexible—Someone who is primarily attracted to people of the same gender but who is "flexible" in certain play scenarios.

Internal condom—A prophylactic device meant to be worn by the receiver of penetration. Can be used in a vaginal canal or rectum. (Most commonly sold under the brand FC2.)

Kink—A colloquial term for BDSM, often referring to anything thats a bit edgy or alternative in the sexual realm.

Nesting—Partners who live together, sometimes used to avoid more hierarchical language.

Nonbinary (enby)—Someone whose gender identity is neither male nor female, and who also rejects the idea of gender as a binary.

Pansexual—Someone attracted to people of all genders.

Parallel play—Often in a swinging context, engaging in sexual play in view of other people, but without crossover of activities.

Pegasus—A male unicorn, meaning a single man who joins a M/F couple for a threesome.

Pickup play—A term used in the kink and BDSM scene (though potentially relevant to sex parties as well) where players meet at the party and pick each other up, rather than having had plans in advance, or a preexisting relationship.

PIV—Penis in vagina.

Play partner—Used in the kink scene to refer to someone you engage in kink play with, and used more generally as someone you may have casual sexual encounters with.

Polyamory—Literally, "many loves." Polyamory refers to a relationship structure where people engage in multiple relationships with the knowledge and consent of all parties.

Polyfidelity—A polyamorous relationship that is open within the group, but not open to outsiders. Could refer to a triad/ thrupple or even a whole community.

Relationship anarchy—Applying the principles of anarchy to relationships. People who are relationship anarchists generally practice nonhierarchy and value personal autonomy.

Strap-on—A harness that fits around the waist and thighs to attach a dildo to the wearer in a way thats sturdy enough for penetration in a variety of positions.

Soft swap—a term from swinging that describes two couples playing together in a way that includes hand sex and oral sex, but not PIV.

Solo-polyamory—a form of polyamory where someone has no primary partner, but maintains multiple relationships.

Swinging/Swinger—People who engage in partner sharing or swapping.

Thrupple—A newer term for triad.

Top/bottom—Often heard in the queer or kink scenes, top refers to the person giving or doing, and bottom refers to the person receiving. For example: in a spanking, the top is doing the spanking and the bottom is receiving the spanking.

Triad—A relationship between three people. Can refer to a relationship where everyone is involved with everyone, or a _V_ relationship, where two people are dating the central "hinge" of the _V,_ but not each other.

Unicorn—Generally, any third in a threesome scenario. Initially coined to refer to an attractive bisexual woman who would join a couple to fulfill their fantasies while not having needs of her own, and who would then go her own way. Termed unicorn because such people dont exist.

Unicorn hunters—a somewhat derogatory term applied to couples who seek a unicorn for a threesome. Frowned upon because of the tendency of some couples to treat the third as an object.


Input:
 Write a resources section for a book on threesomes and non-monogamy. Include the following:

1. A list of dating apps and websites suitable for finding partners, including Hinge, #open, Feeld, Adult FriendFinder, Tinder, OkCupid, Bumble, HER, and any others you think would be appropriate.
2. Websites, social networks, and communities that provide information and support, such as Scarleteen, FetLife, Kasidie, Reddit, Hey Epiphora, Poly Role Models, and others.
3. Podcasts that discuss topics related to threesomes and non-monogamy, including Life on the Swingset, Polyamory Weekly, Savage Lovecast, Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics, Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra, American Sex Podcast, Sex Out Loud, Shameless Sex, Girl Boner Radio with August McLaughlin, and Multiamory.
4. Books that provide guidance on communication, kink, polyamory, and sexual health, such as _Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships_ by Stella Harris, _As Kinky as You Wanna Be: Your Guide to Safe, Sane and Smart BDSM_ by Shanna Germain, _The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures_ by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, _Loves Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities_ by Kevin Patterson, _She Comes First: The Thinking Mans Guide to Pleasuring a Woman_ by Ian Kerner, _Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life_ by Emily Nagoski, _Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships_ by Wendy-O Matik, _Girl Sex 101_ by Allison Moon and kd diamond, _Three-Way: Erotic Stories_ by Alison Tyler, and others.
5. Online shopping options for sex toys and accessories, such as SheVibe Pleasure Boutique, Good Vibrations, She Bop, Tantus, Funkit Toys, Switch Leather Co., and InHerTube. Also include JoEllen Notte's "superhero sex shops" list for finding local stores.

Response:
RESOURCES

Dating apps and websites come and go almost too quickly to put in print, so use this list to start exploring, but be ready to browse an app store or the latest online advice to see what spaces on the internet have a critical mass when youre looking.

Dating apps:

Hinge, for general dating

#open, an app aimed at people interested in open relationships

Feeld, an app for individuals and couples looking for threesomes, open relationships, or kink

Adult FriendFinder, a website for people looking for more casual partners

Tinder, for general dating or hookups

OkCupid, for general dating, for singles or couples

Bumble, for general dating

HER, a dating app for women

Websites/social networks/communities:

Scarleteen: wonderful information about sex, consent, and communication

FetLife: a kink and BDSM social media site

Kasidie: a swingers social media site

Reddit: there are subreddits on everything from open relationships to BDSM to even threesomes

Hey Epiphora: sex toy reviews

Poly Role Models: a blog about polyamory

Podcasts:

Life on the Swingset

Polyamory Weekly

Savage Lovecast

Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics

Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

American Sex Podcast

Sex Out Loud

Shameless Sex

Girl Boner Radio with August McLaughlin

Multiamory

Books:

_Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships_ by Stella Harris

_As Kinky as You Wanna Be: Your Guide to Safe, Sane and Smart BDSM_ by Shanna Germain

_The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures_ by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

_Loves Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities_ by Kevin Patterson

_She Comes First: The Thinking Mans Guide to Pleasuring a Woman_ by Ian Kerner

_Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life_ by Emily Nagoski

_Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships_ by Wendy-O Matik

_Girl Sex 101_ by Allison Moon and kd diamond

_Three-Way: Erotic Stories_ by Alison Tyler

Online shopping options:

SheVibe Pleasure Boutique

Good Vibrations

She Bop

Tantus

Funkit Toys

Switch Leather Co.

InHerTube

JoEllen Notte maintains a "superhero sex shops" list that can help you find a store near you.


Input:
 Write a section for a book on threesomes that includes a "Yes/No/Maybe" list. This list should cover various activities that might occur during a threesome, allowing individuals to express their comfort level with each activity. Include the following activities on the list:

1. Flirting
2. Kissing
3. Cuddling
4. Undressing
5. Hand sex (giving)
6. Hand sex (receiving)
7. Oral sex (giving)
8. Oral sex (receiving)
9. Vaginal sex (giving)
10. Vaginal sex (receiving)
11. Anal sex (giving)
12. Anal sex (receiving)
13. Bondage
14. Spanking
15. Overnights
16. Using sex toys
17. Watching porn together
18. Sex in your home/bed
19. Sex with friends
20. Sex with coworkers
21. Sex with exes
22. Seeing a threesome partner solo (i.e., meet as a couple and then have individual dates)
23. Sex with other couple

Response:
THREESOME YES/NO/MAYBE LIST

Flirting

Kissing

Cuddling

Undressing

Hand sex (giving)

Hand sex (receiving)

Oral sex (giving)

Oral sex (receiving)

Vaginal sex (giving)

Vaginal sex (receiving)

Anal sex (giving)

Anal sex (receiving)

Bondage

Spanking

Overnights

Using sex toys

Watching porn together

Sex in your home/bed

Sex with friends

Sex with coworkers

Sex with exes

Seeing a threesome partner solo (i.e., meet as a couple and then have individual dates)

Sex with other couples