Input:
 Write a chapter titled "Self-Denial" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of what self-denial is, specifically in the context of not behaving in accordance with one's needs and desires and brushing one's wants under the rug.
* A quote from Hannah about how she knows what she wants sexually but is too afraid to ask or say it, and how she feels like she is imposing.
* An explanation of how being sexually abused as a child teaches one that their needs and desires are unimportant and that their body and sexuality exist for someone else's use. Abuse tells one that their boundaries are wrong or at least ineffectual. After childhood sexual abuse, many survivors are left feeling little or no permission to have desires, needs, or boundaries, or to take up space.
* A quote from Mimi about how she doesn't assume she deserves anything and how she adjusts to the room she's in and the people she's with, always watching for how she's supposed to act so she won't be hurt again.
* An explanation of how sexual abuse tells one that they are not supposed to be delighted and fulfilled, and that they may feel guilty when they feel pleasure, thinking that they must be bad or that their pleasure denies someone else theirs. Shame, self-blame, and suffering become familiar, and pleasure and fulfillment become suspect.
* An explanation of how, as a survivor, one may find that they deny or minimize their sexuality altogether, or they may find that sex is all they think they are good for. These are called sexual aversion and sexual compulsion, respectively.
* A quote from Amy about how all she wants to do is get sex away from her and how she does not want to have sex or to be sexual. She thinks that the world would be a better place if sex did not exist and she could feel safe then.
* A quote from Maggie about how sex is what she knows best and how it is the way she knows how to interact, sometimes it seems like the only way she knows. She has sex when she wants comfort, when she is lonely, sometimes when she is hungry, and when she just wants to get to know someone as a friend, she finds herself in bed with them. Sex has become her interface with the world.
* An explanation of how many therapeutic models still pathologize sexual aversion and compulsion as types of "dysfunction," but that this framework says that something is "wrong" with the survivor instead of seeing their sexual strategies as creative means of survival. Whether the survivor has leaned toward sexual avoidance or sexual compulsion, they've done whatever they needed to do to survive. These choices were intelligent at the time. They were survival-smart. Congratulate yourself.

Response:
chapter four

Self-Denial

Self-denial is not behaving in accordance with your needs and desires. Self-denial is brushing your wants under the rug over and over again, not putting in your two cents worth, not asking the world to include and adjust to you, too. Self-denial is not letting you be you.

> > I know what I want sexually, but I am too afraid to ask or say. I feel like I am imposing. Like I am not supposed to have needs or desires.
>
> Hannah

Being sexually abused as a kid teaches you that your needs and desires are unimportant and that your body and sexuality exist for someone elses use. Abuse tells you that your boundaries are wrong—or at least ineffectual. After childhood sexual abuse, many survivors are left feeling little or no permission to have desires, needs, or boundaries, or to take up space.

> > I dont assume I deserve anything, really. I adjust to the room Im in and the people I am with. I think I am always watching for how I am supposed to act so that I wont be hurt again.

Mimi

Sexual abuse tells you that you are not supposed to be delighted and fulfilled. You may feel guilty when you feel pleasure, thinking that you must be bad or that your pleasure denies someone else theirs. Shame, self-blame, and suffering become familiar, and pleasure and fulfillment become suspect.

As a survivor, you may find that you deny or minimize your sexuality altogether. Or you may find that sex is all you think you are good for. Respectively, these are called sexual aversion and sexual compulsion.

> > All I want to do is get sex away from me. I do not want to have sex or to be sexual. I think that the world would be a better place if sex did not exist. I could feel safe then.
>
> Amy
>
>> Sex is what I know best. It is the way I know how to interact; sometimes it seems like the only way I know. When I want comfort, I have sex. When I am lonely, I have sex. Sometimes when I am hungry, I have sex to try to deal with it. When I just want to get to know someone as a friend, I find myself in bed with them. Sex has become my interface with the world.
>
> Maggie

Many therapeutic models still pathologize sexual aversion and compulsion as types of "dysfunction." This framework says that something is "wrong" with you, instead of as seeing your sexual strategies as creative means of survival. Whether youve leaned toward sexual avoidance or sexual compulsion, youve done whatever you needed to do to survive. These choices were intelligent at the time. They were survival-smart. Congratulate yourself.


Input:
  Write a section titled "Survival Is a Powerful Act" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of how survivors often have a lot of self-judgment about their own sexuality and how they may be angry at themselves for avoiding sex for so many years or pissed about how many times they have had sex when they needed something else instead.
* An explanation of how recovery asks survivors to hold the contradiction of having acted in ways that have hurt them while they were attempting to achieve some kind of self-preservation.
* An assertion that whatever survivors did to survive sexual abuse, to be able to go on, is powerful. If avoiding sex helped them to stay safe, thats okay. If they had sex when and with people they did not want, thats okay. The section should encourage nurturing both self-compassion for past choices and responsibility for taking care of oneself now.
* A quote from Melanie about how she knew that she didnt want to have sex with all the men she was having sex with, but she didnt know how to stop. She would tell herself that she wouldn't have sex with them, but would find herself in bed with them. She was so hard on herself for doing this and felt like she was permanently flawed.
* A quote from Laurie about how she felt ashamed after a while that she wasnt interested in sex at all and how it seemed the entire world revolved around this thing she couldnt relate to. She sometimes felt superior and at the same time damaged—like what is wrong with her?

Response:
#  Survival Is a Powerful Act

Survivors often have a lot of self-judgment about their own sexuality. You may be angry at yourself for avoiding sex for so many years or pissed about how many times you have had sex when you needed something else instead. It can be hard to accept our own survival strategies. Recovery asks us to hold the contradiction of having acted in ways that have hurt us while we were attempting to achieve some kind of self-preservation.

Whatever you did to survive sexual abuse, to be able to go on, is powerful. If avoiding sex helped you to stay safe, thats okay. If you had sex when and with people you did not want, thats okay. Nurture both self-compassion for your past choices and responsibility for taking care of yourself now.

> > I knew that I didnt want to have sex with all the men I was having sex with, but I didnt know how to stop. I would tell myself, "Not this time, this time Im not going to have sex with him," and would find myself in bed with him. I was so hard on myself for doing this. It felt like I was permanently flawed.
>
> Melanie

> I felt ashamed after a while that I wasnt interested in sex at all. It seemed the entire world revolved around this thing I couldnt relate to. I sometimes felt superior and at the same time damaged—like what is wrong with me?

Laurie


Input:
 Write a section titled "Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* A quote from Marianne about how after her grandfather started molesting her, she became hypersensitive to anything sexual and how she couldn't make him stop, but she sure as hell was not going to let anyone else touch her. She became rigid and afraid of anything sexual.
* An explanation of how many survivors attempt to manage the intensity of emotion, triggers, and memories that can come up during sex by avoiding sex altogether.
* A quote from Danielle about how it took her a lot of healing to get down into what drove her disinterest in sex and how keeping sex out of her life for the most part was helping her avoid all of those feelings.
* An explanation of how by avoiding sex, survivors may also think they can avoid destructive beliefs about themselves that they learned from the abuse and how avoiding their sexuality could seem to help them avoid the deep shame and guilt that comes with that.
* A quote from Rona about how her guilt about the sexual abuse runs so deep and if she has a good time sexually, she feels like she is betraying someone or it proves that she wanted the abuse all along.
* An explanation of how survivors may be afraid that if they express their sexual energy it will be too big or overwhelming and harm them or someone else and how they may associate sex and being turned on with perpetration.
* A quote from Stephanie about how there is a certain amount of intensity in her sexuality and she gets afraid that the intensity will verge on rage and how she tries to keep herself under lock and key and whether she is trustworthy or will be just like the perpetrators.
* An explanation of how survivors may be sexual but not fully expressing the sexual energy that is theirs and how this too becomes a type of sexual aversion, a denial of their sexuality.
* A quote from Max about how he used to let his relationships define his sexuality and if his lover wasn't into penetration, then it didn't happen much and if his lover recoiled at the thought of vibrators and dildos, then his sex toys stayed hidden in the bureau drawer.
* An explanation of how survivors may be sexual only with people they are not intimate with and find it difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone they are very close to and how having sex with a confidant, lover, or partner is too dangerous.
* A quote from Debbie about how she loves her lover and they have been together seven years and how she just can't sustain a sexual relationship with him and how they have sex and she feels horrible, afraid, and like she needs to run away.
* A quote from Melanie about how she got to a point in her relationship where she didn't want to have sex at all anymore and how the closer she got to her partner, the more she felt like family, and the more repulsed she became by sex and how she took a break from sex and then extended the break, but it wasn't helping and how she wasn't getting closer to wanting sex or feeling better and how she was just continuing to avoid dealing with combining intimacy and sex and how the little girl in her just wanted to finally be loved for herself instead of for sex.

Response:
#  Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?

> > After my grandfather started molesting me I became hypersensitive to anything sexual. I couldnt make him stop, but I sure as hell was not going to let anyone else touch me. I became rigid and afraid of anything sexual.
>
> Marianne

Many survivors attempt to manage the intensity of emotion, triggers, and memories that can come up during sex by avoiding sex altogether.

> > It took me a lot of healing to get down into what drove my disinterest in sex. I knew it was related to the incest, but I only got it in my head, which wasnt allowing me to change much. Finally, I connected to the feelings of it all. Being sexual and opening sexually revealed to me the devastating pain and grief of the abuse. Keeping sex out of my life for the most part was helping me avoid all of those feelings. To be sexual I needed to also feel the impact of the abuse and heal there.
>
> Danielle

By avoiding sex, you may also think you can avoid destructive beliefs about yourself that you learned from the abuse. If you were taught that you are only good for sex, avoiding sex could seem to prove that this is not true. If you were taught that the abuse was all your fault, avoiding your sexuality could seem to help you avoid the deep shame and guilt that comes with that.

> > My guilt about the sexual abuse runs so deep. If I have a good time sexually, I feel like I am betraying someone—or it proves that I wanted the abuse all along. It is easier not to have sex.
>
> Rona

You may be afraid that if you express your sexual energy it will be too big or overwhelming and harm you or someone else. You may associate sex and being turned on with perpetration. You may associate your own sexual expression with being abusive.

> > There is a certain amount of intensity in my sexuality. I get afraid that the intensity will verge on rage. I have never hurt someone else sexually, but I try to keep myself under lock and key. Am I trustworthy, or will I be just like them [the perpetrators]?
>
> Stephanie

You may be sexual but not fully expressing the sexual energy that is yours. This too becomes a type of sexual aversion, a denial of your sexuality.

> > I used to let my relationships define my sexuality. If my lover wasnt into penetration, then it didnt happen much. If my lover recoiled at the thought of vibrators and dildos, then my sex toys stayed hidden in the bureau drawer.
>
> Max

Finally, you may be sexual only with people you are not intimate with, finding it difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone you are very close to. You may feel that having sex with a confidant, lover, or partner is too dangerous.

> > I love my lover. We have been together seven years. I just cant sustain a sexual relationship with him. We have sex, and I feel horrible, afraid, and like I need to run away.

Debbie

> I got to a point in my relationship where I didnt want to have sex at all anymore.
>  The closer I got to my partner, the more she felt like family, and the more repulsed
>  I became by sex. I took a break from sex, and then extended the break, but it
>  wasnt helping. I wasnt getting closer to wanting sex or feeling better. I was just
>  continuing to avoid dealing with combining intimacy and sex. The little girl in me
>  just wanted to finally be loved for herself instead of for sex.
>

Melanie


Input:
 Write a section titled "What Are You Missing? The Costs of Aversion" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of how while avoiding sex and your sexuality can seem like a good strategy for survival, the costs can be high and how staying away from erotic feelings, masturbation, and sex separates you from a powerful part of yourself.
* An explanation of how you lose a part of yourself that could feed vitality and energy into every aspect of your life and how by avoiding sex, you lose a very deep means of connecting with yourself and others, not to mention the delight, joy, and fun that sex can bring you.
* An explanation of how perhaps more important, in avoiding sex, you communicate to yourself that you cant handle it, that the sexual abuse is bigger than you, and that sex is too much or too overwhelming for you and how sexual aversion keeps sex locked into the "Danger! Dont go there!" closet.
* A quote from Maria about how she wants to collapse around sex and how it feels big.
* An explanation of how avoiding sex can feel like the best way to stay safe on a very visceral level and how sex was what was used to abuse you, so avoiding the weapon seems like a great strategy.
* An explanation of how by avoiding your sexuality you can also trick yourself into thinking that you can avoid dealing with your history of sexual abuse and if you do not engage sexually, you may successfully avoid the triggers, flashbacks, and memories that sex can evoke but you will have less and less room for yourself and the sexual abuse will continue to run the show.
* An explanation of how your own sexual energy is not too big for you now and how you can learn how to embrace the sensations, the excitement, and, eventually, the delight of your sexuality and how you can also build a capacity to be able to process the triggers that may emerge as you open to your own sexuality.
* An explanation of how your sexuality did not cause anyone to harm you and how the abuse was the responsibility of those who harmed you and how your sexuality, no matter what they told you, is not at fault for your having been sexually abused as a child.

Response:
##  What Are You Missing? The Costs of Aversion

While avoiding sex and your sexuality can seem like a good strategy for survival, the costs can be high. Staying away from erotic feelings, masturbation, and sex separates you from a powerful part of yourself. You lose a part of yourself that could feed vitality and energy into every aspect of your life. By avoiding sex, you lose a very deep means of connecting with yourself and others, not to mention the delight, joy, and fun that sex can bring you.

Perhaps more important, in avoiding sex, you communicate to yourself that you cant handle it, that the sexual abuse is bigger than you, and that sex is too much or too overwhelming for you. Sexual aversion keeps sex locked into the "Danger! Dont go there!" closet. While the sexual abuse was overwhelming and destructive and did control you at the time, your own sexuality and sexual expression are gifts that can help you heal now.

> > I want to collapse around sex. I feel small and it feels big.
>
> Maria

Avoiding sex can feel like the best way to stay safe on a very visceral level. Sex was what was used to abuse you, so avoiding the weapon seems like a great strategy. But by avoiding your sexuality you can also trick yourself into thinking that you can avoid dealing with your history of sexual abuse. If you do not engage sexually, you may successfully avoid the triggers, flashbacks, and memories that sex can evoke. But you will have less and less room for you. The sexual abuse will continue to run the show.

Your own sexual energy is not too big for you now. You can learn how to embrace the sensations, the excitement, and, eventually, the delight of your sexuality. You can also build a capacity to be able to process the triggers that may emerge as you open to your own sexuality. Yes, this is difficult. But if you are not making your own choices about your sexuality, who is controlling it for you?

Your sexuality did not cause anyone to harm you. The abuse was the responsibility of those who harmed you. Your sexuality, no matter what they told you, is not at fault for your having been sexually abused as a child.


Input:
  Write a section titled "Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of how society teaches that sex is bad and how if a woman wants a lot of sex, something must be wrong with her and how this can lead to sexual expression being misinterpreted as sexual compulsion.
* An explanation of how some survivors may go through a period in their sexual recovery during which sex may feel compulsive and how this may be a phase of sexual healing or discovery that can be left alone and weathered.
* A quote from Aurora about her experience with masturbating all the time and using fantasies of the abuse while she masturbated and how she learned a lot about her sexuality, sex toys, and phone sex.
* An explanation of sexual compulsion as a real lack of choice and the inability to say "no" and how it is not the same as expressing your self-defined sexuality.
* A quote from Maggie about how she would have sex a lot and feel cheap, used, and dirty afterward and how she is just figuring out that she feels this way when she doesnt recognize her own wants and boundaries.
* An explanation of how for some survivors who struggle with sexual compulsion, sex becomes one of the only means by which they feel worthy or able to interact with another person and how they may be having sex to fill needs that are not necessarily sexual.
* A quote from Hannah about how she does not know that she is loved unless someone is having sex with her and how once they are having sex, she thinks that is all they want her for.
* An explanation of how survivors of childhood sexual abuse can use sex as a way of avoiding feelings and staying dissociated and how in this way, sex is used as a distraction or filler in an attempt to cope.
* A quote from Cindy about how sex became like alcohol for her and how it helped her get away from the pain, but acted out the pain at the same time.
* An explanation of how incest and childhood sexual abuse destroy appropriate boundaries and how some survivors attempt to live within their own destruction.
* A quote from Stephanie about how after a while she figured it just didnt matter and how she had sex with whoever.
* A quote from Lourdes about how she started being sexually aggressive with just about everyone in her life and how she derived a strange sense of power from it all and how her self-worth became completely entwined with people desiring her.
* An explanation of how you may be trying to work through the trauma by replaying it and how this doesnt heal the abuse, rather it keeps you stuck and not finding a way out.

Response:
#  Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way

We are taught that sex is bad, and that if you are a woman and want a lot of sex—or even any sex at all—something must be wrong with you. I have heard many a survivor say that she was "acting out" when in fact she was expressing her self-defined sexuality. We have so few models for sexually empowered women that our sexual expression can be easily misinterpreted as sexual compulsion. As I talk about sexual compulsion, I am not referring to your fullest sexual expression. This is welcomed and encouraged. You may find that you are interested in sex more often than the culture deems "appropriate" for women. Again, sexual healing is about creating a sexuality based upon your own needs and desires, a sexuality of your choosing.

Some survivors go through a period in their sexual recovery during which sex may feel compulsive. This may be a phase of sexual healing or discovery that can be left alone and weathered. One woman describes her experience:

> > During one part of my healing, I was masturbating all the time. I was using fantasies of the abuse while I masturbated. I am so glad that my therapist just hung with me through it. She didnt judge me or tell me to get over it. Her sense was that I would ride it through, and I did. I learned a lot about my sexuality, sex toys, and phone sex. My sexual partner and I had a lot of phone sex that was really hot. I used the abuse fantasies until they werent interesting anymore. Somehow all of that was a part of opening up my sexuality.
>
> Aurora

Sexual compulsion, on the other hand, is a real lack of choice. It is the inability to say "no"—or to even know how to make a conscious decision regarding sexual choices. You may be so checked out of your body that you only realize after the fact that you did not want the sex you just had. To truly consent, you need to be embodied and know how to say "yes," "no," and "maybe."

> > I had sex a lot. In the moment it seemed fine, but afterward, I would feel cheap, used, and dirty. I am just figuring out that I feel like this when I dont recognize my own wants and boundaries.
>
> Maggie

For some survivors who struggle with sexual compulsion, sex becomes one of the only means by which they feel worthy or able to interact with another person. If you struggle with this, you may be having sex to fill needs that are not necessarily sexual, such as needs for physical contact, intimacy, and self-worth. You may be having sex because you are hungry or because you need to be held. You may not realize that these needs can be met in other ways or that you are worthy of having your needs met at all.

> > I do not know that I am loved unless someone is having sex with me. Of course, once we are having sex, I think that is all they want me for. Its a catch-22.
>
> Hannah

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse can use sex as a way of avoiding feelings and staying dissociated. In this way, sex is used as a distraction or filler in an attempt to cope.

> > Sex became like alcohol for me. I couldnt cope with my life and with the abuse, so Id go have sex instead. This made me feel better for a time, like a high, and then things would get worse. Sex was my enemy and my fix. It helped me get away from the pain, but acted out the pain at the same time.

Cindy

Incest and childhood sexual abuse destroy appropriate boundaries. Your physical, sexual, and emotional boundaries were shattered by abuse. To remain intact, some survivors attempt to live within their own destruction.

> > After awhile I figured it just didnt matter. My uncle and my dad were having sex with me, so that was what you do, right? I had sex with whoever.
>
> Stephanie
>
>> It got to a point in the abuse where I couldnt deal anymore. I thought, "So if
>  this is what its all about, fuck it! Ill play your game first." That is when I
>  started being sexually aggressive with just about everyone in my life. I was
>  known as the girl to go to in high school if you wanted to know anything about
>  sex. Of course, I was also known as a slut. I derived this strange sense of power
>  from it all. My self-worth became completely entwined with people desiring me.
>  Essentially, I felt like I wasnt good for anything but sex.
>
>
> Lourdes

You may be trying to work through the trauma by replaying it. This doesnt heal the abuse, rather it keeps you stuck, doing the same thing over and over, and not finding a way out.


Input:
 Write a section titled "What Are You Missing? The Costs of Compulsion" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of how the biggest cost of sexual compulsion is your own sexuality and how sexual compulsion is not an expression of your own sexuality.
* A quote from Carolyn about how she thought she was just really sexually active but she notices that mostly she is spaced out when she is sexual and how she doesn't think sex is bad, yet she is not really there.
* An explanation of how another cost of sexual compulsion can be your self-esteem and how when you have sex that you dont really want, you undermine yourself and you trust yourself less because you are not acting on your own behalf.
* A quote from Cindy about how in some ways the incest just goes on and on and how she consents now with her words, but she is saying "yes" to things she does not want and how she just wants to be close, and she ends up feeling so alone.
* An explanation of how your physical health can be another cost of sexual compulsion and how if you are unable to say "no" to unwanted sex, you may also be unable to say "no" to unprotected sex.
* Information about how having unprotected sex can put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia, vaginal warts, herpes, and HIV.
* An explanation of how it is essential to practice safer sex using condoms, dental dams, the female condom, latex gloves, or nonlatex substitutes, whether you prefer numerous partners or serial monogamy.
* An explanation of how through sexual compulsion you continue to have sex that it checked-out, keeping you out of your body and emotions and how this keeps you out of your sexual healing, too.

Response:
##  What Are You Missing? The Costs of Compulsion

Perhaps the biggest cost of sexual compulsion is your own sexuality. While you may look like a sexually expressive woman, sexual compulsion is not an expression of your own sexuality. While you may convince yourself that you want the sex you are having, you are not really making choices based upon your own needs and boundaries. Sexual compulsion runs you—you dont run it. An old survival mechanism is still at play.

> > I thought I was just really sexually active. I notice though that mostly I am
>  spaced out when I am sexual. I dont think sex is bad, yet I am not really there.
>  Who is having sex when I am having sex? Im not sure.
>
>
> Carolyn

Another cost of sexual compulsion can be your self-esteem. When you have sex that you dont really want, you undermine yourself. You trust yourself less because you are not acting on your own behalf. This is exactly the behavior you learned as a child. You are not bad for doing it, but it does not serve you any longer.

> > In some ways the incest just goes on and on. Yes, I "consent" now with my words, but I am saying "yes" to things I do not want. I just want to be close, and I end up feeling so alone.
>
> Cindy
>
> Your physical health can be another cost of sexual compulsion. If you are unable to say "no" to unwanted sex, you may also be unable to say "no" to unprotected sex. Having unprotected sex can put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia, vaginal warts, herpes, and HIV. Whether you prefer numerous partners or serial monogamy, it is essential to practice safer sex using condoms, dental dams, the female condom, latex gloves, or nonlatex substitutes.
>
> Finally, through sexual compulsion you continue to have sex that it checked-out, keeping you out of your body and emotions. This keeps you out of your sexual healing, too.


Input:
 Write a section titled "Recovering from Sexual Aversion" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An encouragement to focus on recovery from sexual aversion and to go slowly.
* An explanation of the importance of exploring the ways avoiding sex has served the reader and how it has protected or helped them.
* A request for the reader to explore what being sexual or turned on means to them and to make a list entitled "Sex is…" or "Sex equals…"
* An explanation of how to determine which of these associations are inherent to sexual abuse and which of them are inherent to consensual sexual expression.
* A prompt for the reader to consider what would be the worst possible outcome if they moved toward sex and their sexuality and what are they most afraid of.
* A prompt for the reader to consider what would be the best possible outcome if they began to explore their sexuality.
* A recommendation for the reader to educate themselves about their own sexuality and safer-sex practices.
* An explanation of how sexual avoidance is really another form of dissociating or staying out of your body and how recovering from sexual avoidance means learning to tolerate the physical sensations and emotions that emerge when you are sexual.
* Information about how the pelvic rock and genital healing exercises in chapter 2 and the embodiment exercises in chapter 3 can help the reader learn to stay with and come to enjoy the feelings of sex and their sexuality.
* A recommendation for the reader to use masturbation as a tool for re-engaging with their sexual expression and an explanation of how masturbation is not just about getting off.
* A warning that when the reader opens to their sexuality, they may experience a surge of energy that is unfamiliar to them and how this is normal and a sign of progress.
* A quote from Sheila about how she suddenly felt sexual all the time and how it was like she thought about sex, read about it, and felt it in her body twenty hours a day.

Note: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and chapter references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.

Response:
##  Recovering from Sexual Aversion

When you focus on your recovery from sexual aversion, you propel your healing forward. As you do this, go slowly. If sex has been something you have avoided, you may be unfamiliar with your sexual desires and how to act and interact sexually.

Start by exploring the ways avoiding sex has served you. How has getting away from your sexuality protected or helped you? One workshop participant noted, "Staying away from sex helps me stay away from a huge sense of failure and loss. When I get sexual, I feel awful."

Next, explore what being sexual or turned on means to you. What do you associate with sex? Make a list entitled "Sex is…" or "Sex equals…" Your responses do not need to be logical or even make sense. Just look at what is tied up with sex for you. One survivor wrote, "Sex is hate, fear, and betrayal to me…No wonder I dont want to have it." Once you have made the list, try to determine which of these associations are inherent to sexual abuse and which of them are inherent to consensual sexual expression.

Consider what would be the worst possible outcome if you moved toward sex and your sexuality. What are you most afraid of? Then consider what would be the best possible outcome if you began to explore your sexuality.

Now, educate yourself. If you have been avoiding sex, you may be in need of information about your own sexuality and safer-sex practices. Seeking out this information in the form of books, magazines, audiotapes, and videos can give you models upon which to build a sexuality that works for you. See the Resources section of this book for suggestions.

Sexual avoidance is really another form of dissociating or staying out of your body. Recovering from sexual avoidance means learning to tolerate the physical sensations and emotions that emerge when you are sexual. As you stay with the feelings and sensations, they will change, releasing the old trauma and letting you have your sexuality today. The pelvic rock and genital healing exercises in chapter 2 and the embodiment exercises in chapter 3 can help you learn to stay with and come to enjoy the feelings of sex and your sexuality.

Youll also find that masturbation is a wonderful tool for re-engaging with your sexual expression. Masturbation is not just about getting off. Through masturbation you can learn how to touch and love your body, discover your interests and desires, and learn about your own sensations and sexual energy. Chapter 5 is dedicated to the subject of self-loving.

When you open to your sexuality, you may experience a surge of energy that is unfamiliar to you. Your new sexual feelings may be unsettling. This is normal. In fact, its progress! When you open to your own sexual desires and energy at a deeper level, you reorganize yourself.

> > Suddenly I felt sexual all the time. It was like I thought about sex, read about it, and felt it in my body twenty hours a day. I got nervous, worried I might become a nympho. This settled down after about a month. I had somehow opened up a door that had been long shut, and all the pressure needed to be released.
>
> Sheila


Input:
 Write a section titled "Recovering from Sexual Compulsion" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of what the reader can gain by healing their sexual compulsion, including the ability to choose whether they want to be sexual, with whom, when, where, and exactly what kind of sex theyd like to have.
* An explanation that healing compulsion means the reader can be fully in their body and be sexual and that they can choose to not be sexual and still know they are loved and worthy.
* A prompt for the reader to consider how sexual compulsion has served them, what it does for them, and what painful emotions it helps them avoid.
* A prompt for the reader to determine what needs they are trying to fill when they have sex and which of these needs are sexual and which are not.
* A prompt for the reader to consider whether there are particular abuse experiences that set them up to act compulsively.
* A request for the reader to consider what they are most afraid of in healing their sexual compulsion and what they are most looking forward to.
* A recommendation for the reader to educate themselves about their own sexuality by talking to friends, especially other survivors, and reading real-life stories instead of porn.
* A reminder that they can find a bibliography in the Resources section of the book.

Note: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and chapter references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.

Response:
##  Recovering from Sexual Compulsion

What can you gain by healing your sexual compulsion? You gain your own sexuality on your own terms for possibly the first time in your life. This means that you get to choose whether you want to be sexual, with whom, when, where, and exactly what kind of sex youd like to have. You can be fully in your body and be sexual. Healing compulsion also means you get to choose to not be sexual and still know you are loved and worthy. You get to take care of yourself based on your own needs and desires, instead of the needs and desires of another.

Just as with sexual avoidance, sexual compulsion has in some way benefited you. Do you know how sexual compulsion has served you? What does this compulsion do for you? What painful emotions does the compulsion help you avoid? What does it help you not face or feel? One survivor shared, "Having a lot of sex makes me feel powerful and keeps me from feeling the powerlessness I felt about what my granddad did."

What needs are you trying to fill when you have sex? Which of these needs are sexual and which are not? Are there particular abuse experiences that set you up to act compulsively?

What are you most afraid of in healing your sexual compulsion? What are you most looking forward to?

Now, educate yourself. If you have been acting compulsively with sex, you may not know when to be sexual and when not to, when sex takes care of you and when it doesnt. Talk to your friends, especially other survivors. What do they look for in sex? When do they say "no"? When do they say "yes"? You can also read about other folks sexual expression and experiences. Read real-life stories instead of porn, as they will be more realistic. Youll find a bibliography in the Resources section of this book.


Input:
 Write a section titled "Embodiment, Needs, and Boundaries" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation that sexual compulsion is a way to remain out of one's body, and that through recovery, the reader will learn how to feel the terror instead of distracting themselves from it.
* A reminder that Chapter 3 on dissociation describes exercises to help the reader stay with their feelings and sensations, which will change and release the old trauma, allowing them to choose sex on terms that take care of them.
* A statement that through recovery, the reader will learn to be embodied when they are sexual and to have nonsexual needs met directly in nonsexual ways.
* A reminder that Chapter 7 is devoted to embodied consent and features exercises on boundaries and the "yes," "no," and "maybe" of sex, which are useful in healing sexual compulsion.
* A suggestion for the reader to consider taking some time off from sex altogether while they are healing from sexual compulsion. This break from sex could be a week, a month, or a year. The reader should choose a length of time that is realistic for them. During this time out from sex, the reader should see what comes up for them. What feelings or memories emerge? Who are they beyond sex?
* A statement that healing sexual compulsion gives the reader an opportunity to take care of themselves and to truly heal and regain their life and their own sexuality.

Note: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and chapter references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.

Response:
##  Embodiment, Needs, and Boundaries

As with sexual avoidance, sexual compulsion is a way to remain out of your body. You may feel terrified or ashamed when you say "no" to sex or set a sexual boundary. Through recovery, you will learn how to feel the terror instead of distracting yourself from it. As you stay with the feelings and sensations, they will change, releasing the old trauma and letting you choose sex on terms that take care of you.

Chapter 3 on dissociation describes exercises to help you do this. Through recovery you will learn to be embodied when you are sexual and to have nonsexual needs met directly in nonsexual ways. "No" can become as easy to say as "yes." Chapter 7 is devoted to embodied consent. It features exercises on boundaries and the "yes," "no," and "maybe" of sex, which are useful in healing sexual compulsion.

While you are healing from sexual compulsion, you may want to consider taking some time off from sex altogether. You may choose to stop being sexual with others or to quit masturbating. A break from sex could be a week, a month, or a year. Choose a length of time that is realistic for you. In this time out from sex, see what comes up for you. What feelings or memories emerge? Who are you beyond sex?

Healing sexual compulsion gives you an opportunity to take care of yourself. As you stop using sex as a means to hold the hurt of the sexual abuse at bay, you also get the opportunity to truly heal and regain your life and your own sexuality.


Input:
 Write a section titled "Sexual Addiction Model" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An introduction of the addiction model for addressing sexual compulsion, noting that some survivors find it useful, while others have found it disempowering.
* A mention of Twelve-Step programs like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) that deal specifically with sexual aversion and compulsion from an addiction model.
* A quote from a survivor named Lenore who has done Twelve-Step recovery around their sexual stuff. Lenore mentions that meetings are a place for them to get their bearings and support, and that they don't get judged if they mess up.
* A quote from a survivor named Kate who shares that they were not addicted to love and sex, but rather acting out what happened to them. Kate mentions that as they dealt with their stepfather's abuse, they found boundaries and a kind of self-respect that let them start making choices sexually that took care of all of them. Kate concludes that calling it addiction makes them feel like something is wrong with them, and that they were surviving how they knew, and now healing is helping them find better and better options.

Note: These prompts are detailed and include specific quotes and program references. They are meant to generate a specific section of the story and may not be suitable for other purposes.

Response:
##  Sexual Addiction Model

Some survivors find the addiction model of Twelve-Step programs useful in addressing sexual compulsion, while others have found it disempowering. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) is a Twelve-Step program that deals specifically with sexual aversion and compulsion from an addiction model.

> > I have done Twelve-Step recovery around my sexual stuff. Meetings are a place for me to get my bearings and support. They help me remember what is important to me, and I dont get judged if I mess up.
>
> Lenore
>
>> I was not addicted to love and sex, but rather acting out what happened to
>  me. I was continuing to do what was done to me as a child. The more I dealt
>  with my stepfathers abuse, the more I found boundaries and a kind of self-respect
>  that let me start making choices sexually that took care of all of me.
>  Calling it addiction, to me, makes me feel like something is wrong with me.
>  This is my own body and my own energy that someone else harmed. I was
>  surviving how I knew, and now healing is helping me find better and better
>  options.
>
>
> Kate


Input:
 Write a section titled "Choosing Celibacy" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An introduction to the concept of choosing not to be sexual for periods of time as a useful tool in the journey of healing from child sexual abuse.
* A mention of reasons why one might choose celibacy for a time, such as frequent flashbacks to sexual abuse or a general hatred of sex.
* A suggestion to try being intimate with oneself or a partner without being sexual if one notices that they are having sex when they dont want to.
* A quote from a survivor named Jo who describes their experience of taking breaks from sex with their partner that lasted between six and nine months each, after dealing with memories of incest and ritual abuse.
* A quote from a survivor named Rona who shares their experience of feeling guilty about not being sexual with their husband and wanting to show him that they loved him, which led to self-destructive behavior. Rona negotiated three months off from sex to renegotiate how they felt about it.
* A clarification that being celibate is a valid sexual choice, and that celibacy can mean refraining from all overt sexual expression or being sexual with oneself while not having sex with others.
* A warning that celibacy can be used to mask an avoidance of the pain and hurt of sexual abuse, and a reminder to ensure that celibacy is a true choice rather than an avoidance tactic.

Response:
##  Choosing Celibacy

Choosing not to be sexual for periods of time can be useful in the journey of healing from child sexual abuse. If flashbacks to the sexual abuse are coming regularly, or if you feel like you hate sex, you might choose celibacy for a time. If you notice that you are having sex with yourself or a partner when you dont want to, try being intimate with yourself (or your partner) without being sexual.

> > My partner and I are both survivors. I started dealing with my incest and ritual abuse four years into our relationship. Our sex life had actually been pretty good before that, but when all the memories came, I lost interest altogether. Sex and abuse got all mixed up inside of me, and I just didnt want anything to do with it. We ended up taking a couple of breaks from sex that lasted between six and nine months each.
>
> Jo
>
>> I kept having sex with my husband when I didnt want to. It wasnt him who
>  was pushing me to do this. I would feel guilty about not being sexual with him
>  and wanted to show him that I loved him and wanted him. This became really
>  self-destructive and of course had an adverse affect on how I felt about him.
>  Finally, I got the courage to negotiate three months off from sex… At the end of
>  three months, we are going to check in to see how this is going and renegotiate
>  from there.
>
>
> Rona

Being celibate is a valid sexual choice. Celibacy can mean refraining from all overt sexual expression or being sexual with yourself while not having sex with others. You can be celibate for a period of time or as a lifelong choice. My concern about celibacy for survivors is that it can be used to mask an avoidance of the pain and hurt of the sexual abuse. If you are celibate because you dont know how to embrace your sexuality in a way that enhances and vitalizes your life, then celibacy is not a choice. When opting for celibacy, just make sure it is really a choice.


Input:
  Write a section titled "The End of Self-Denial" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An introduction to the concept of ending self-denial as a means of restoring balance in one's life.
* A clarification that ending self-denial does not mean becoming a selfish or hedonistic individual, but rather respecting oneself deeply and being in balance.
* An explanation of how respecting oneself deeply also allows one to respect others.

Response:
#  The End of Self-Denial

Ending self-denial does not mean you will become some hedonistic individual just out for herself. Ending self-denial, rather, means bringing yourself back into balance. It means respecting yourself deeply, which also allows you to respect others.


Input:
   Write a section titled "Sex Guide Exercises" for "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* A series of exercises designed to help survivors of sexual abuse better understand and manage their sexuality.
* The first exercise asks the reader to consider where they fall on the scale of sexual aversion and sexual compulsion, and then list three instances when they avoided their sexuality and/or had compulsive sex.
* The second exercise asks the reader to reflect on the emotions they are trying to manage through sexual compulsion or aversion.

Response:
#  Sex Guide Exercises

> 1\. Where do you fall on the scale of sexual aversion/sexual compulsion? List three instances when you avoided your sexuality and/or three instances when you had compulsive sex.

> 2\. What emotions are you trying to manage through sexual compulsion or aversion?


Input:
 Write a section titled "Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An introduction that acknowledges the negative impact of childhood sexual abuse on learning about sex and emphasizes the importance of continuous learning about sex for survivors of sexual abuse.
* A statement highlighting the purpose of the chapter, which is to provide comprehensive information about the reader's body and the sexual response cycle.

Response:
chapter five

Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power

Childhood sexual abuse is about the worst way to learn about sex. Unfortunately, this is most likely the way that you were first exposed to sex—not what you would call a sex-positive sex education! Learning and relearning about sex is a lifelong endeavor for everyone, but it is especially so for survivors of sexual abuse. To help you along the way, this chapter is chock-full of information about your body and the sexual response cycle.


Input:
 Write a section titled "Where Did You Learn That?" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* A personal anecdote about a customer at Good Vibrations asking for information about their body, emphasizing the importance of learning about one's own body.
* A series of questions for the reader asking them to reflect on their knowledge about their sexual anatomy, when they first learned about their clitoris, and where they obtained their information about sex and sexual arousal.
* An explanation of how peers are often the primary source of information about sex in youth, and the consequences of learning from under-educated sources.
* A discussion about the media as a secondary source of information about one's body and sexuality, highlighting the varying accuracy and positivity of these messages.
* Encouragement for those who have found quality sex information, whether it comes from recent sex-positive books, supportive partners, or friends.
* A statement emphasizing the importance of knowing one's own body and sexuality in order to guide others toward their pleasure, and the power of information in this context. Offer the chapter as a friendly resource for those who have not had access to helpful sex information.

Response:
#  Where Did You Learn That?

I remember the first time a customer at Good Vibrations asked me where her clitoris was. I was both stunned and glad she had the courage to ask. Over time, Ive learned that this was not an unusual situation. If no one teaches you or encourages you to learn about your own body, there is no reason you would know.

What do you know about your sexual anatomy? When did you first learn about your clitoris? Where did you get your information about sex and sexual arousal?

Studies show that most people learn about sex from their peers in their youth. So what we didnt learn from our abusers, we learned from a bunch of under-educated youth attempting to teach one another something they didnt know much about.

Other than your peers, the key source of information about your body and sexuality is the media. Movies, magazines, popular songs, and books tell us about ourselves and our bodies. Of course, some of these messages are more accurate and more positive than others.

You may have found your way to quality sex information, from recently published sex-positive books, or even from a supportive lover or friend. Congratulations! You are the rare breed. But if you have not had access to helpful sex information, please use this chapter as a friendly resource. Its hard to know what is up with your sexuality, much less successfully guide someone else toward your pleasure, if you do not know what happens to your body when you are turned on. Information is power, especially where sex is concerned!


Input:
 Write a subsection titled "Sex Information and Sexual Abuse" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of how survivors of sexual abuse may have been exposed to harmful or negative information about their sexuality, and may have learned about sex on the abuser's terms rather than their own.
* A discussion of how this knowledge may have been tainted by the abuse or just plain wrong, and how survivors may have learned to gratify someone else sexually without knowing how to please themselves.
* Personal anecdotes from survivors illustrating how they may have known a lot about sex due to their abuse, but that this knowledge was not healthy or empowering for them.
* Encouragement for survivors to start anew in learning about sexual anatomy, and suggestions for approaching their own or their partner's body with curiosity and openness.
* Questions for the reader to consider, such as "What is this thing, anyway? How does it feel?" to prompt further self-exploration and learning.

Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.

Response:
##  Sex Information and Sexual Abuse

As a survivor, you were exposed to harmful negative information about your sexuality. You may have known a lot about sex, far more than was good for you, but the information was tarnished by the abuse—or just plain wrong. You learned about sex on the abusers terms, not your own. You may have been taught how to gratify someone else sexually, without even knowing how to please yourself. This may have carried over into later consensual sexual relationships.

> > At thirteen I knew so much about sex and penises. My friends would ask me
>  questions and couldnt believe how much I knew. I got this strange pride out of
>  it, even though it was because of the sexual abuse that I knew all of that.
>  Really, all I knew was how I was supposed to suck off my stepfather, how to
>  give him what he demanded.
>
>
> Laura
>
>> I knew a lot about my boyfriends body and hardly anything about my own. We had a very out-of-balance sex life. My pleasure was not really a part of it.
>
> Cindy

As a survivor, you may want to start all over in learning about sexual anatomy. Look at yourself, or a friend or partner, with curiosity. What is this thing, anyway? How does it feel?


Input:
  Write a subsection titled "Female Sexual Anatomy" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An introduction encouraging the reader to explore their own body and genitalia, using a mirror if necessary, and emphasizing that their genitalia are healthy and important parts of their body, regardless of any past trauma or abuse.
* A detailed description of the female genitalia, including the outer and inner vaginal lips (labia majora and minora), the clitoris, and the vagina, with explanations of their functions and appearances.
* A discussion of the clitoris, including its glans, hood, shaft, and crura, and how it varies in size, sensitivity, and location of sensitivity among different individuals.
* A discussion of the vagina, including its pliable mucous membrane, folds of skin, and expandability. Also include information about the urethral opening, cervix, and self-cleaning and self-lubricating functions of the vagina.
* A section on the G-spot, including its location, sensitivity, and texture, and how women may respond differently to G-spot stimulation. Include information on how to stimulate the G-spot, either alone or with a partner, and the possibility of ejaculation with G-spot stimulation.
* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.

Response:
##  Female Sexual Anatomy

Lets begin with female anatomy. As you read this section, I encourage you to fol low along—you can look at the illustration, and you can get out a mirror an check yourself out. As a woman, you do not get the opportunity to look at you genitalia often, because they are tucked in between your legs at an angle difficul to see unassisted. Although you may have been hurt in your genitals, there i nothing "wrong" with them. Your genitalia are as unique as the rest of you,< healthy and natural part of your body, just like your hand, your mind, and you face. Take a look. What do you see?

ILLUSTRATION 2. Female Anatomy

The entire genital region is called the vulva and includes the clitoris, the labia minora and labia majora, and the vagina. When you take a look at yourself in the mirror, you may first notice your labia majora and labia minora. These are your outer and inner vaginal lips, respectively. The labia majora have hair on them and are the same texture as your skin. The labia minora are hairless and made of mucous membrane, like the inside of your mouth. The inner lips come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some womens are symmetrical, while others are asymmetrical, one being much longer or larger than the other. Some womens inner lips fit within the outer lips, and others hang below the labia majora. What do yours look like? What color are they and what shape? Many survivors feel ashamed of their genitals because of sexual abuse. Your vulva deserves no shame. It is a perfectly healthy and important part of you body.

THE CLITORIS

With a mirror you can also see your clitoris and clitoral hood. These are tucked near the top of your labia minora. The clitoris is the most sensitive spot on the vulva. You can find it if you feel around in this area. The clitoral hood rides around the clitoris. You may find that your clitoris protrudes out of the clitoral hood or is tucked back within it. If you gently pull back the clitoral hood youll see your clitoral glans.

Feminist health clinicians have helped to redefine the clitoris. We now know that the clitoris is not just the glans and shaft but encompasses a whole structure of erectile tissue, made up of nerves, spongy tissue, and blood vessels, that runs throughout the vulva. You may have seen illustrations in books like A New View of a Womans Body or Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century, which show the clitoral shaft splitting into two legs, called crura, that extend down through the labia minora around the vagina. If you press one of your labia minora between two fingers and rub slightly back and forth, you may be able to feel a sensitive ridge. This is one of the legs of the crura. If you feel upward from the head of the clit you can feel the clitoral shaft.

Clits comes in different sizes and sensitivities. Some women enjoy stimulation right on or near the clit, while others do not like to have their clit touched directly at all. Many women report that the clitoris is most sensitive halfway down the left-hand side. If you placed a clock over the clit with noon at the clitoral shaft and six nearer the vagina, this spot would be at three oclock. Where is your clitoris most sensitive?

THE VAGINA

As you continue to explore yourself with the aid of the mirror, you will see the vaginal opening and the vagina. This too is made up of very pliable mucous membrane. The vagina itself is made up of folds of skin that are very expandable. When you are not sexually aroused, the walls of the vagina rest against one another. If you bear down while opening your inner labia with your fingers you can see the urethral opening (where urine comes out) just below the clitoris.

Different areas of the vagina feel differently when touched. The outer third of the vagina tends to be the most sensitive and responds to motion and movement. Deeper within the vagina, pressure and fullness tend to be more noticeable or satisfying.

At the back of the vagina is the cervix. This is a small, knoblike fleshy protrusion. A tiny opening in the cervix allows the passage of fluids in and out of the uterus. Menstrual blood flows out through the cervix, and sperm can swim in to impregnate a woman. The cervix dilates during childbirth to allow the baby to be passed out of the uterus through the vaginal canal into the world. Some women like to have their cervix pressed up against during sex. It can be a very particular and intense sensation. Try it for yourself and see what you think.

The vagina is a self-cleaning system with natural fluids and discharges. If your discharge is a color or smell that is unusual for you, or is accompanied by itching in the area, see a health care practitioner. Otherwise, your discharge is evidence of your cleansing system at work. Douches and other forms of cleansing within the vagina can destroy healthy bacteria. Oil-based lubricants are difficult for the vagina to cleanse and may cause an infection. Use water-based lubricants instead and avoid commercially prepared douches.

The vagina also self-lubricates when you are aroused. There are ducts and glands that produce lubrication along the walls of the vagina. Some women feel like they produce "too much" lubrication. Bring a towel with you on your sexual excursions; you may be ejaculating and not know it (see the following section for a discussion of female ejaculation). Your lubrication levels will change depending upon where you are in your cycle, and most women produce less lubrication as they age. If you dont produce enough moisture to make penetration comfortable, use a water-based lubricant.

THE G-SPOT

Also within the vaginal passage is the urethral sponge, or G-spot, a spongy conglomeration of blood vessels, erectile tissue and glands surrounding the urethra, the slim tube that carries urine from the bladder. The term G-spot was popularized by obstetrician and gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, who wrote about the sensual properties of the urethra in 1950.

The G-spot is located along the front wall of the vaginal passage (closest to your public bone) and can be particularly sensitive to touch and especially sensitive to pressure. It is not really a "spot," but an area one to two inches in length. Again, bear down while opening your inner labia and you will see your G-spot. You can distinguish this tissue by its texture, which is rougher than the smooth walls of the rest of the vagina.

Women respond differently to G-spot stimulation. Some women find this touch intense and a great turn-on, while others find G-spot stimulation uncomfortable. Some women do not notice much difference in this area at all. Again, this is a time to explore, either alone or with a partner.

If you lie on your back, your partner can reach your G-spot by inserting two fingers into your vagina and making a "come hither" motion toward the front wall of your vagina. You can reach your own G-spot with fingers or a firm dildo. Dildos with a ridged area or a curve or bend in the shaft can be particularly good G-spot stimulators. Once you are sexually aroused, your G-spot can also be reached by placing pressure on the abdomen just above the pubic bone and pressing down toward the vaginal opening.

Some women ejaculate with G-spot stimulation. The ejaculate is watery in substance and is sometimes mistaken for urine. Within the spongy material of the urethra are the paraurethral glands, which are thought to be the origin of the G-spot ejaculate. The theory is that with pressure and stimulation, these glands produce the fluid that is released as ejaculate; just as in men, the ejaculate comes through the urethra. Although there is still some debate as to the exact origin of the ejaculate, the majority of studies have found the fluid chemically distinct from urine. Not all women seem to ejaculate with G-spot stimulation, however. More information about stimulating the G-spot can be found in chapter 10.


Input:
 Write a subsection titled "Male Sexual Anatomy" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An introductory explanation about how male and female sexual anatomy are similar, noting that fetuses initially have similar genitalia that differentiate later in development.
* A detailed description of the male sexual anatomy, focusing on the penis, scrotum, and testicles, as well as the seminal vesicle and prostate gland.
* An explanation of the penis, including its spongy erectile tissue, blood vessels, corpus cavernosa, urethra, and the sensitive glans, with a note on the differences in sensitivity between the glans and the clitoral glans in females.
* Information about the foreskin, circumcision, and the potential differences in sensitivity between circumcised and uncircumcised men.
* Encouragement for survivors of child sexual abuse to learn about male sexual anatomy in a non-abusive setting, with suggestions for ways to do so.
* A diagram or illustration showing the male sexual anatomy.
* A description of the scrotum and testicles, including their size, position, and function in producing sperm and testosterone.
* A section on the prostate gland, including its location, function in producing seminal fluids, and the potential for prostate stimulation to be pleasurable for some men. Note any similarities to G-spot stimulation in women and provide instructions on how to reach and stimulate the prostate.
* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.

Response:
##  Male Sexual Anatomy

Mens sexual anatomy is not drastically different from womens, when you get right down to it. All fetuses are initially female in their genitalia. Between nine and twelve weeks, the genitalia begin to differentiate. What becomes the clitoris in the female becomes the glans of the penis in the male. While ovaries develop in females, the testes develop in males. The components of male and female sexual anatomy are very similar; they are just arranged differently.

Male sexual anatomy is made up of the penis, scrotum, and testicles, the seminal vesicle, and the prostate gland. The penis and the scrotum, which contains the testicles (the "balls," in slang), are the most obvious parts of male sexual anatomy. Lets start with these.

THE PENIS AND BALLS

The penis is made up of spongy erectile tissue and blood vessels. These tissues are organized into two long cylinders called the corpus cavernosa. When a man is sexually aroused, blood flows into these cylinders, filling the spongy tissues. They expand as they fill with blood, compressing shut the veins that carry blood out of the penis, thus creating an erection, or hard-on.

The urethra, the tube through which urine and semen pass, runs along the bottom of the penis to the urethral opening at the tip. It is surrounded by a cylinder of spongy tissue called the corpus spongiosum.

The head of the penis is also called the glans. This is the most sensitive part of the penis. The base of the head is called the coronal ridge and is analogous to the clitoris in the woman. The nerves here are not as densely concentrated as the clitoral nerves, however, and therefore the area is not as sensitive. The head of the penis can usually stand more pressure and stimulation than the clitoral glans. The frenulum, a piece of skin on the underside of the coronal ridge between the shaft of the penis and the glans, is also packed with nerves and sensitive for many men.

The skin covering the penis slides easily back and forth. All men are born with a foreskin, a retractable skin, which covers the glans. When men are circumcised, this skin is cut off, exposing the head. Men with foreskins tend to be more sensitive around the head of the penis than circumcised men.

The penis has been a frightening piece of male anatomy for many survivors of child sexual abuse. Begin to demystify it for yourself by learning about it in a nonabusive setting. You can look at human anatomy books with pictures. If you have a male partner, you can ask to look at his penis in a nonaroused state. Try to consider the penis as a neutral part of a mans whole body. It is his person, not his penis, that decides how it will be used. Your perpetrators made very destructive choices.

ILLUSTRATION 3. Male Anatomy

If learning more about male sexual anatomy is upsetting for you, this may be a place to work through those triggers (for help, see chapter 11). Even if you do not interact sexually with men, freeing yourself from the fear of male sexuality will greatly benefit you. It can give you freedom in your relationship to your own body and sexuality, and in your relationship to men in general. Holding emotional trauma connected to the anatomy of half of the worlds population requires energy that you can use more creatively in enjoying your life.

"Balls" is slang for the scrotum and testicles. The scrotum is the skin surrounding the testicles, two glands that produce both sperm and testosterone. The testicles range from the size of a grape to that of an egg. One usually hangs lower than the other, and they contract up closer to the body when a man is cold or aroused.

THE PROSTATE GLAND

The prostate gland is an internal organ located behind the pubic bone in front of the bladder. The urethra passes from the bladder through the prostate into the penis. This gland produces seminal fluids. I mention it because many men find prostate stimulation very pleasurable. Like G-spot stimulation in women, prostate stimulation may be too intense or painful for some. The prostate can be reached by inserting a finger or toy about three inches into the anus and pressing toward the front of the body. It is that old "come hither" motion again. If you are planning to play with your partners prostate, be sure to use a water-based lubricant, as the anus is not self-lubricating.


Input:
 Write a subsection titled "Female and Male Bodies" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* A section on the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), including its location, function, benefits of exercising it, and instructions on how to do Kegel exercises.
* Quotes from survivors of sexual abuse about their experiences with doing Kegel exercises and the emotions it stirred up for them.
* Information about the breasts and nipples as sources of sexual pleasure for both women and men, with suggestions for exploring sensation and increasing sensitivity in this area.
* Quotes from survivors about their experiences with sensation in their breasts and nipples.
* A section on anal eroticism, including information about the taboo surrounding it, the muscles involved (sphincters), the expandable canal (rectum), and the importance of practicing safer sex when engaging in anal eroticism.
* An illustration or diagram showing the anal anatomy.
* Information about the rectosigmoidal junction, the role of feces, the importance of using toys with an expanded or flanged base, and the necessity of lubricant for anal penetration.
* A mention of the perineum as another area that can be a source of sexual pleasure.
* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.

Response:
##  Female and Male Bodies

THE PC MUSCLE

The pubococcygeus muscle, or the PC muscle for short, runs from the pubic bone to the tailbone, surrounding the genitals in a figure eight. This is the muscle you squeeze to stop the flow of urine. It is also the muscle that involuntarily contracts with orgasm. Your PC muscle is important to your health and sexual satisfaction. A healthy and well-exercised PC muscle can keep you from being incontinent, increase your orgasmic pleasure, and help you be more embodied in your pelvis and genitals. You can also contract this muscle at will to play with your sexual pleasure.

Exercising this muscle is easy. Practice contracting the PC muscle by squeezing your genitals and anus inward ten times. Then bear down, pushing them outward ten times. Do this three time a day. These exercises are referred to as kegels. Doing your kegels will keep these muscles in good condition and increase your awareness of your genitals.

> > Doing kegels stirred up all kinds of anger for me initially. I would want to growl and kick. I guess it stirred up the stuff that was in my pelvis from the abuse.
>
> Jackie
>
>> Exercising my PC muscle has given me more of a sense of control over my own genitals. It made them feel less separate from me. I realized that they were mine and I could move them and do something with them. It wasnt just that things got done to them.
>
> Kate

BREASTS

Both women and men can experience sexual pleasure in their breasts. When sexually aroused, many peoples nipples respond by becoming erect or hard. Some folks enjoy intense pressure and sensation on their nipples, while others like a softer touch or caress.

Many survivors report not having a lot of sensation in their breasts or nipples. If this is the case for you, you may be experiencing some numbing of sensation due to the abuse. Or, this may just be the way your body responds. If you want to explore this, bring your focus to your breasts. Breathe into your breasts. Lay your hands over your breasts. Feel the weight of your hands. What is there? Try touching your breasts with more or less pressure and creating different sensations. Aroused nipples can actually take quite a lot of pressure. Try pinching or squeezing harder (or ask your partner to do so). Try this on the nipple, or grab below the nipple on the areola. By practicing this, you may increase your sensitivity. You may also discover trauma related to your breasts.

> > I have very little sensation in my breasts. I think I cant feel them because of the incest. When my husband touches them, I cant feel it and I start to dissociate.
>
> Sally

ANAL EROTICISM

The anus carries a lot of social taboo when it comes to sexual pleasure. Many folks think of the anus as dirty or painful and hold a lot of tension there. Whether or not you include anal eroticism in your sex life, learning to relax the anus enhances your health and allows for more sensation throughout the genital area. Just like the vulva and penis, the anus engorges with blood when sexually aroused and shares in the muscle contractions of orgasm.

ILLUSTRATION 4. Anal Anatomy

The anal opening is controlled by two rings of muscles called the sphincters. You can learn to relax and contract the external sphincter at will; the internal sphincter operates involuntarily, like blinking. Beyond these muscles is the rectum, an expandable canal six to nine inches in length, which is lined with a very soft tissue. This tissue is not as durable as vaginal tissue, and microscopic tears can happen during penetration. This makes practicing safer sex when engaging in anal eroticism all the more important.

The rectum ends in an S-shaped curve called the rectosigmoidal junction. Beyond this point is the sigmoid colon and the large intestine. Feces are stored on the intestine side of this S-curve. When you feel that you have to defecate, you are feeling pressure on the rectosigmoidal junction. Feces only pass through the rectum; they are not stored there. There are usually few traces left behind.

Unlike the vaginal canal, the anus leads directly into the internal organs of the body. If you are interested in using toys for anal penetration, it is vital to choose toys that have an expanded or flanged base that will not slip up into the rectum and potentially the large intestine. Lubricant is a must for anal penetration. More information on anal sex, cleanliness, lubrication, and anal penetration can be found in chapters 9 and 10 on oral sex and penetration.

Finally, the soft piece of skin between the vagina and anus in women, or between the scrotum and anus in men, is called the perineum. This is another area where you can enjoy pressure and touch.


Input:
 Write a subsection titled "Checking In" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* Encouragement for readers to take a moment to assess their current emotional and physical state while reading about sex and sexual anatomy.
* Suggestions for readers to pay attention to any sensations or feelings in their body.
* A prompt for readers to reflect on their automatic thoughts as they read through the chapter.
* Encouragement for readers to take a deep breath and a break, if necessary.
* Note: The provided text contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some individuals. Please ensure that the prompt reflects this and encourages readers to seek support if needed.

Response:
##  Checking In

Take a minute to check in with yourself. How are you doing reading about sex and sexual anatomy? What are you feeling in your body? What are your automatic thoughts as you read through this chapter? Take a breath and a break, if need be.


Input:
 Write a section titled "Sexual Response Cycle" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An overview of the Masters and Johnson model of the sexual response cycle, which includes four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.
* A detailed description of each phase, including the physiological changes that occur in both men and women, such as increased blood flow, changes in body temperature, and changes in genital size and sensitivity.
* A clarification that this model is a description of the potential physiological changes during sexual arousal, not a prescription for how it should or always does occur.
* Acknowledgment that other sexologists have categorized the stages of sexual arousal differently, and some have included additional stages such as desire or willingness.
* A specific note for survivors of sexual abuse, acknowledging that the physiological response of arousal can occur during non-consensual sex and that this does not mean they wanted to be abused or that their body betrayed them. Emphasize that this response is involuntary and that physical pleasure does not mean that the abuse was their fault.

Response:
#  Sexual Response Cycle

Your body goes through many physiological changes when sexually aroused and during orgasm. Masters and Johnson popularized the phrase "sexual response cycle" by somewhat arbitrarily organizing female and male physiological sexual responses into four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.

As per their definition, the excitement phase involves a general increase in body temperature, heart rate, and blood flow. The increased blood flow enlarges the lips, breasts, and genitals. Usually the body becomes more sensitive to stimulation and less sensitive to pain.

In the plateau stage, the blood flow and body temperature continue to increase. In women, the labia and clitoris enlarge and the uterus lifts, creating a ballooning effect in the vagina. The vagina also lubricates. In men, the increased blood flow creates an erection, and the testes and scrotum contract and lift. Men can also excrete a fluid called "pre-come." Both women and men may experience erections in the nipples.

In the Masters and Johnson model, orgasm is the next stage. Orgasm is defined as a release of the sexual buildup in a series of muscular contractions. Orgasm releases the increased blood from the genital tissues. After orgasm comes resolution, when the body returns to a nonaroused state. The body cools, the heart rate drops again, and the blood flows out of the breasts and genitals, returning them to their at-rest state.

I offer this model as a description of the physiological changes that occur during sexual arousal. This is not a prescription for how sexual arousal should go or even does go; it is just one interpretation of how it might go. Your experience may sometimes match this model and other times not.

Other sexologists have categorized the stages of sexual arousal differently, trying to account for the more subjective experiences and social and cultural influences involved in sexual response. Some suggest including desire as a stage of sexual response. Another begins her model with willingness. In The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, Cathy Winks and Anne Semans speak of the overall fluidity of sexual response: "One can move from arousal to desire, from excitement to indifference, from boredom to passion, from orgasm to arousal and back again."

I want to note particularly for survivors that with sexual stimulation this physiological response of arousal occurs whether or not the sex is consensual. So many survivors blame themselves or hate their bodies because they got aroused during the abuse. This response is involuntary. It is what your body does when stimulated. Physical pleasure makes the abuse all the more confusing. But remember that the fact that you became aroused does not mean you wanted to be abused, that the abuse was your fault, or that your body betrayed you.


Input:
  Write a section titled "Orgasm" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* An explanation of what an orgasm is, including its physiological definition as an involuntary contraction of the pelvic muscles resulting from sexual stimulation.
* A discussion of the difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, noting that they are not always distinct and that orgasms can sometimes be spread over the entire body.
* A mention of the fact that there is still much to be learned about women's sexuality and that authoritative sources sometimes disagree.
* A note on ejaculation and orgasm being separate physiological functions, controlled by different nerve groups in the spine, and that neither necessarily correspond to an orgasm.
* An explanation of multiple orgasms and continuous orgasms, noting that they are learnable through practice.
* A section on being "preorgasmic", describing this state as one in which a woman has never experienced an orgasm and assuming that women can learn to orgasm.
* Information on the fact that most women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm and that vibrators can be helpful for women who are preorgasmic.
* A discussion of the potential link between being preorgasmic and sexual trauma, including the presence of tension in the pelvis and genitals and the potential for negative emotions connected to orgasm.
* Advice for women who are preorgasmic, including the recommendation to explore orgasm on their own and to invest in a vibrator.
* A note on the potential for orgasm to bring up emotions and images related to sexual abuse, and the recommendation to go into and through these emotions, triggers, and memories as part of the healing process.
* A section addressing the concern that it takes too long to reach orgasm, including a discussion of societal expectations for orgasm and the recommendation to let oneself take more time than one is comfortable with.
* Advice for reaching orgasm more quickly, including the use of a vibrator and breathing and movement techniques.
* A note on the importance of communication with one's partner about what feels good and how to touch one's partner in a way that works.
* A suggestion to shift one's internal focus if one feels like one is coming to the edge of orgasm but cannot go over it.

Response:
##  Orgasm

An orgasm is one of those experiences that no one seems to exactly know how to describe. I have heard people say, "Youll know when you have one," which may be true but is not very helpful. Physiologically, an orgasm is an involuntary contraction of the muscles in the pelvic region, and the lower third of the vagina, that results from sexual stimulation.

Some women speak about a clitoral orgasm as distinct from a vaginal orgasm. Sometimes an orgasm is very localized around the clit or vagina, and other times it can be spread over the entire body. There is still much to be known about womens sexuality, and even authoritative physiological texts disagree.

There are numerous books available on the subject of the female orgasm and techniques you can try to explore and enhance your orgasms. Again, the more you are able to relax and embody your pelvis and genitals, the more sensation you will have. Focusing your attention on your sensations and breathing down into your pelvis and genitals will help you increase your pleasure.

ORGASM AND EJACULATION

Contrary to popular belief, ejaculation and orgasm are separate physiological functions controlled by different nerve groups in the spine. This is true for both men and women. Although many people experience them simultaneously, neither G-spot ejaculation in women nor ejaculation in men necessarily correspond to an orgasm. One can learn to separate these functions with practice.

MULTIPLE ORGASMS

Yup, multiple orgasms are possible. Multiple orgasms are a series of orgasms, one following the next. Most of the time people experience a short rest moment in between orgasms and then continue onto the next. Some folks also talk about a continuous or extended orgasm. Annie Sprinkle teaches the one-hour orgasm in The Sluts and Goddesses Video Workshop. Both multiple orgasms and extended orgasms are learnable through practice. The first step is learning to be with the intensity of continuing stimulation once you have had an orgasm. Then, breathing deeply and rocking your pelvis, combined with stimulation that works for you, will show you the way.

ARE YOU PREORGASMIC?

Some women have never experienced an orgasm. Sex educators use the term preorgasmic to describe this state. We call it "preorgasmic" because we assume that women can learn to orgasm. Many women who are preorgasmic have not experienced the type of stimulation that works for their anatomy.

The majority of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Most women need continuous, steady, and sometimes rapid stimulation to come. Vibrators can be very useful when learning to orgasm. They create a faster and more intense stimulation than most people can muster with their fingers and also let you explore a variety of sensations.

Being preorgasmic can be linked to sexual trauma. You may carry a lot of tension in your pelvis and genitals, which makes it difficult to relax enough to orgasm. Most people think of orgasm as a tensing of the muscles, but the more you can relax, the better, since it can be difficult for the muscles to go from a very contracted state into an even more contracted state for orgasm. The more you breathe and relax your pelvic muscles, the easier it is to orgasm.

> > I cant orgasm. I get really tight through my pelvis and seem on the verge forever. I just cant get over the top.
>
> Maria
>
> Some survivors also feel shame, guilt, or other emotions that are a part of the sexual trauma connected to orgasm. You may want to avoid orgasm to avoid these feelings. Use the practices in chapter 11 to assist you in working through these triggers and held trauma.
>
> If you are preorgasmic, I encourage you to explore orgasm on your own—not just with a partner—so that you can take your time without pressure or expectations. Most important, breathe as you begin to touch yourself. Notice when you want to hold your breath and relax again. Breathe down into your pelvis as if you could nourish the pelvic cavity and your genitals with oxygen. Allow yourself to move your hips. Do not hold yourself still; rock your hips forward and back, side to side, and around in a small circle. You may feel silly at first, but keep going. This is you getting to know you.
>
> I encourage you to invest in a vibrator. You can try placing the vibrator directly on different places around your clit, vagina, perineum, and anus. Where are you the most sensitive? Where do you like more pressure and where less? Where is the most sensitive spot on your clit? If a vibrator is too intense initially, place a towel between you and it, or place the vibrator on the outside of your outer labia, letting the vibration pass through the folds of skin to the clitoris. Or try the vibrator on the back of your hand as you touch your clit with your fingers. As you find your most sensitive spots, stay with the feeling, and continue to breathe and rock. Keep bringing your attention into your body and genitals. Feel yourself. Be inside of yourself and your sensations. Make sure your internal conversation supports what you are doing rather than distracts you. Tell yourself that being turned on is great, that it is okay to relax and to have sexual pleasure. Tell yourself something sexy!
>
> Again, you may find that working with your orgasm brings up emotions and images related to the sexual abuse. Our bodies can act as storage tanks for pieces of the abuse that we have not yet been able to fully feel or process. The emergence of these pieces of the past is part of your healing process. Your body is releasing trauma associated with, or held in, this part of your body. Go into and through these emotions, triggers, and memories. You may cry, get angry, or shake. Dont worry. This is a normal part of the healing process.

THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG

While not preorgasmic, some women feel like it takes them too long to come to orgasm. But "too long" is relative. My first question would be, "Too long by whose standards?"

When we go to the movies, we see instantaneous sex. Two people meet, get turned on, make love, come simultaneously, and voila! It is over. Sex and orgasm are not like that in real life. A more typical sexual encounter involves talking, rearranging your bodies a number of times, laughing, at least one awkward moment, farting or trying not to, and so on. Sorry to burst your bubble, but my intent is to normalize sex. Yes, sex can be profound and powerful, just as other parts of our lives can be, but sex is also a normal aspect of the human experience. We bring the rest of our humanness with us when we are sexual.

So, back to orgasm taking "too long." What you mean by too long? Is ten minutes too long? Is half an hour? What if you focused on reaching orgasm for three hours? What if your partner focused on your pleasure for three hours? How would that be? I find that most peoples time expectations for orgasm are too brief, particularly for women. What if you let yourself take more time than you are comfortable with? Try it.

If you would like to have the option of reaching orgasm more quickly, you can try using a vibrator; the intense stimulation can bring you to orgasm faster. The breathing and movement techniques described above will also help. Usually, tension in the pelvis and genitals delays orgasm. Move, relax, and breathe. If your partner is not touching you in a way that works, let her or him know that. Communicate what you like and show your partner how to do it. Youll both be happier in the long run.

Last, if you feel like you come to the edge but cannot go over it, try shifting your internal focus. If you are focused on your clitoris, open up your focus to include the sensations throughout your pelvis and throughout the rest of your body. Often this can relax you enough to allow you to orgasm.


Input:
   Write a section titled "Gynecological Issues" for a chapter in "The Survivor's Guide to Sex" that includes the following:

* A discussion of the gynecological problems that can be caused by incest and childhood sexual abuse, including external or internal scarring, chronic yeast infections or sexually transmitted diseases, menstrual irregularities, and pelvic or genital pain.
* A recommendation to see a gynecologist if one has any chronic infections, menstrual difficulties, pain, or other concerns, and to see a health practitioner to take care of any medical issues before taking on the emotional angle of this work.
* An explanation of the natural response to tensing and pulling away from abuse and intrusion, and the potential for this tension to become habitual or chronic and cause other problems.
* A mention of the correlation between ongoing yeast infections, medically unexplained pains, and the ways in which survivors were abused.
* An explanation of how chronic tension or holding in the pelvis can cause a constriction of blood flow through the area and decrease sensations.
* A suggestion to put one's attention into the sensations in the pelvis and ask oneself a series of questions, including: What sensations can I feel in my pelvis and genitals? Are the sensations warm or cool? Does my pelvis feel blank or void? Do I feel any streaming or movement? What images or colors come to mind as I focus there? Does my pelvis feel connected to my legs? To my torso?
* A personal anecdote from a survivor about the sensations in their pelvis and genitals, and the image that came to mind as they focused there.

Response:
#  Gynecological Issues

Incest and childhood sexual abuse can cause a number of gynecological problems. Some survivors experience external or internal scarring from the abuse. Others have chronic yeast infections or sexually transmitted diseases from the abuse. Still others have menstrual irregularities and pelvic or genital pain. If you have any chronic infections, menstrual difficulties, pain, or other concerns, please see a gynecologist. Eastern medicine, acupuncture, has shown to be very successful with gynecological issues as well. Before you take on the emotional angle of this work, please see a health practitioner to take care of any medical issues you may have.

> > I have had chronic yeast infections since I was seven and my stepfather started molesting me.
>
> Kate

What I see with many survivors is a chronic holding or tension throughout the pelvis. Tensing and pulling away from abuse and intrusion is a natural response. It is an attempt to protect yourself and to get away. This tension can become habitual or chronic and cause other problems. I have seen survivors with ongoing yeast infections and medically unexplained pains that correlated to the ways they were abused.

Chronic tension or holding in the pelvis causes a constriction of blood flow through the area. Held tension and trauma in the body can also decrease your sensations. Some people talk about trauma as energy blocked or trapped in the pelvis. Put your attention into the sensations in your pelvis and ask yourself the following questions: What sensations can I feel in my pelvis and genitals? Are the sensations warm or cool? Does my pelvis feel blank or void? Do I feel any streaming or movement? What images or colors come to mind as I focus there? Does my pelvis feel connected to my legs? To my torso?

> > When I first started focusing on recovering my sexuality, my vagina and pelvis felt like stone. I would get an image of dried, cracked earth that nothing could grow in. I imagined watering it, loosening it, and making it more flexible. The more I moved and tried to feel myself there, the more I touched myself and tried to become friends with me again, the more that image changed.
>
> Stephanie