Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Provide five exercises for survivors to practice understanding and expressing their boundaries and consensual experiences.
* Exercise 1: Ask readers to consider two consensual sexual experiences and reflect on their physical sensations, emotions, and thought processes that indicated consent.
* Exercise 2: Ask readers to consider two nonconsensual sexual experiences, reflect on their physical sensations, emotions, and thought processes that indicated nonconsent, and consider if and when they dissociated during these experiences.
* Exercise 3: Encourage readers to practice saying "yes," "no," and "maybe" about sex out loud by filling in the blanks with their own sexual desires and boundaries. Suggest that they start by practicing alone and then with a friend.
* Exercise 4: Ask readers to consider two healthy sexual risks they could take, how these risks would support their sexual healing, who could support them in taking these risks, and how they could take care of themselves in the process.
* Exercise 5: Ask readers to reflect on their current use of safer sex practices, their risk level for contracting a sexually transmitted disease, and their standards for safer sex in their sexual relationships.

Response:
#  Sex Guide Exercises

> 1\. Consider two consensual sexual experiences youve had. What sensations and signals in your body, emotions, and thought process let you know they were consensual?

> 2\. Consider two nonconsensual sexual experiences. What sensations and signals in your body, emotions, and thought process let you know they were nonconsensual? Did you dissociate? When and how?

> 3\. Practice saying your "yes," "no," and "maybe" about sex out loud: "I would like to ________." "I might like to ___________. I do not know if I want to __________." "No, I do not want to ___________." Fill in the blanks with your own sexual desires and boundaries. Start by saying these out loud to yourself, then try practicing with a friend. It gets easier quickly with a little practice.

> 4\. Consider two healthy sexual risks. How will these risks serve your sexual healing? Who can support you in taking these risks? How can you take care of yourself in the process?

> 5\. What forms of safer sex do you use? What is your risk level for contracting a sexually transmitted disease? What are your standards for safer sex in your sexual relationships?


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Introduce the topic of partner sex and its potential for being both pleasurable and terrifying. Include a quote from Aurora about this experience.
* Discuss how sex with a partner can serve various purposes, such as deep connection, pleasure, playfulness, and healing. Clarify that the purpose of sex is not limited to penetration or orgasm.
* Emphasize that sex can involve various activities, such as kissing, touching, oral sex, anal sex, holding, and S/M.
* Explain that like masturbation, good partner sex takes practice and learning, and that most people lack quality information about sex.
* Include a quote from Terri about the value of being exposed to sex-positive communities and how it has helped them learn about sex.
* Acknowledge that partner sex can bring up old feelings, sensations, and triggers related to past sexual abuse, but that it can also be a wonderful opportunity for healing.
* Include a quote from Naomi about how their sex life has expanded as a result of doing healing work and trying new things, such as phone sex and tantra.

Response:
chapter eight

Partner Sex

> Sex with my lover can be the most pleasurable or the most terrifying experience.

Aurora

Sex with a partner can be a way to connect deeply with another human being, to get off, or to be silly or playful. Sex can even be a way to heal. The purpose of sex is not necessarily penetration or orgasm; you can have great sex without either one. Nor is sex limited to vaginal penetration of a woman by a man—fine as that might be. Sex can involve kissing, touching, oral sex, anal sex, holding, S/M—or any of the above. Sex is really what you want it to be. Sex is now up to you, your desires, and your creativity.

Like masturbation, good partner sex takes practice and learning. Most of us get very little quality information about sex, yet we assume we are supposed to know magically how to do it. With quality information and a willingness to experiment, you can create the sex life you desire.

> > I learned so much being exposed to the sex-positive community. Suddenly I knew all this neat stuff about sex. Now I have words to use, and ideas to try out.
>
> Terri
>
> Of course, partner sex can bring up old feelings, sensations, and triggers about your past sexual abuse. While this can be painful and frustrating, it can also be one of the most wonderful opportunities for healing.
>
>> My sex life has expanded by doing this healing work. I used to think sex was about intercourse and then it was over. I like things that I never knew I would, like giving head and anal sex. Now I am learning about tantra, and Ive even tried phone sex.
>
> Naomi


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Introduce the common feelings among childhood sexual abuse survivors that their sexual choices are wrong, deficient, perverted, or bad. Include examples of these concerns, such as being too sexually expressive, not expressive enough, too conventional, or gay.
* Discuss the connections between childhood sexual abuse and the survivor's sexual choices and problems, emphasizing the belief that they are bad no matter what they want or don't want.
* Explain that this feeling of being bad is a result of internalized shame and self-blame caused by the abuse, and that many survivors do not give themselves permission to explore sexually for this reason.
* Clarify that the survivor's sexuality is not bad and that they did nothing wrong.
* Include quotes from Evelyn, Janie, and Maria that illustrate their experiences with feeling bad about their sexuality and how they have worked to accept themselves sexually.

Response:
#  The Good, the Bad, and…the Pleasurable?

I have found that most survivors of childhood sexual abuse, no matter what their sexual preference or orientation, feel that what they do sexually is somehow wrong, deficient, perverted, or just plain bad. Sound familiar? Survivors I have worked with are concerned that the abuse has made them too sexually expressive, not sexually expressive enough, too conventional, or gay!

There are many connections between childhood sexual abuse and your sexual choices and problems. Perhaps most problematic is this belief that no matter what you want or dont want, you are bad. This feeling of being bad is a result of the abuse, which caused you to internalize shame and self-blame. Many survivors do not give themselves permission to explore sexually for this reason. Contrary to your beliefs, your sexuality is not bad and you did nothing wrong.

> > Each time I would go out on a limb and enjoy myself sexually, I would feel like
>  I had been too wild, or too expressive, and I would try to tone it down. I am
>  really very conventional about sex, so I dont know what I felt was so wrong,
>  besides the sheer fact of enjoying it.
>
>
> Evelyn
>
>> I express myself sexually in lots of ways that are unconventional. I am into
>  S/M and I am bisexual. I have felt bad about this, like I am fucked up, or
>  wrong. I have worked on just accepting me—accepting that what turns me on
>  turns me on and I like what I like.
>
>
> Janie
>
>> I blather on about how much I want joy and sex in my life; then when I get it,
>  I turn around and run screaming in the other direction.
>
>
> Maria


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Introduce the concept of a "Sex Basics Checklist" to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse establish a healthy basis for their sexuality and navigate confusing turns or triggers during sexual encounters.
* Include a checklist of six basic principles that survivors can follow to help them determine when sex is good for them, when it's okay to follow their desires, or whom to have sex with. The checklist should cover the following:
	1. Breathe: Encourage the reader to breathe while talking about or thinking about sex to establish a habit of being relaxed and present when being sexual.
	2. Stay in your body: Encourage the reader to feel sensations in their body and move around if needed to understand what they want and where their boundaries are.
	3. Be present: Encourage the reader to be present with themselves and their partner, noticing their surroundings, mood, and thoughts.
	4. Practice consensual sex: Remind the reader to ensure that all parties are consenting to the sexual activity and that they are making decisions based on their own needs and desires.
	5. Ensure your safety: Encourage the reader to assess their physical, mental, and emotional safety, and make sure they have the power to take care of themselves in the current situation.
	6. Practice safer sex: Encourage the reader to assess their risk for sexually transmitted diseases with their partner and act on that information using safer-sex measures.
* Emphasize that this checklist is not about judging specific sexual preferences or activities, but rather about helping the reader build an embodied, self-referential sexuality based on their own needs and desires.

Response:
##  Your Sex Basics Checklist

So how do you determine when sex is good for you? When its okay to follow your desires? Or even whom to have sex with? There are basic principles you can follow that can help you establish a healthy basis for your sexuality. You can use the following checklist to help you consider the sex you are having, or are interested in having, or to help steer yourself through confusing turns or triggers in a sexual encounter.

> 1\. BREATHE.
>
> Are you breathing? Is your breath shallow or filling your belly and chest? Breathe while you are talking about sex or even thinking about sex. This way, youll get into the habit of being relaxed and present when being sexual.

> 2\. STAY IN YOUR BODY.
>
> Can you feel sensations in your chest, arms, and legs? Move around if you need to. Feeling your body becomes your reference point for knowing what you want and where your boundaries are.

> 3\. BE PRESENT.
>
> Are you in the room? Notice your surroundings. Are you present with yourself? What is your mood, what are your thoughts? Remind yourself, Here I am, I am here. Are you present with your partner? Notice your partner. Look at her or him. Your partner is there with you.

> 4\. PRACTICE CONSENSUAL SEX.
>
> Is this sex consensual for all parties? Do you want to be doing what you are doing? Remember, you can be afraid and still want to engage in sex. And you can feel aroused physically even when you are doing something you dont want to be doing. Ask yourself if your decision to be sexual is based upon your own needs and desires. That is the place to say "yes" from. Remember that "yes," "no," and "maybe" are all valid responses to any given sexual situation.

> 5\. ENSURE YOUR SAFETY.
>
> Check your physical, mental, and emotional safety. Are you sober and drug-free? Is your partner? Are you in a place that is safe for you? You may feel afraid if you are triggered or if you are taking a risk sexually, but this is different from being unsafe. Do you have the power in the current situation to take care of yourself, to ensure your own well-being physically, emotionally, and sexually? If the answer is "yes," then you are most likely in a safe situation.

> 6\. PRACTICE SAFER SEX.
>
> Have you assessed your risk for sexually transmitted diseases with your partner? Are you acting on this information, using safer-sex measures? If your partner refuses to practice safer sex, he or she does not get to have the wonderful opportunity to be sexual with you. Period.

As you can see, this checklist is not about whether its okay to like bondage, or kissing, or having sex with more than one person at a time. You can decide what is acceptable and enjoyable for you. Who else would know that? What this checklist will do is help you build an embodied, self-referential sexuality, one in which you are in your body, present for the experience, and doing what you love, enjoy, like, and want, based upon your own needs. What a concept, huh?


Input:
  Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Introduce the concept that using the Sex Basics Checklist and focusing on embodied, self-referential sexuality will involve exploration and learning for the reader.
* Emphasize that the reader may experience unfamiliar feelings or situations as they learn to be present and in their body during sex.
* Acknowledge that the reader will likely make mistakes along the way, such as engaging in activities they later realize they didn't want to do.
* Encourage the reader to view these mistakes as a natural part of the learning process and remind them that they will improve with practice.
* Include a personal anecdote about a survivor who made a mistake in a sexual situation, such as not speaking up when they felt uncomfortable, and how they dealt with the aftermath of that mistake.

Response:
##  Mistakes

Using this approach will mean exploring. You may be in your body and breathing during sex for the first time. This can be a strange and unfamiliar experience. You will probably make mistakes along the way, even do things you realize later that you didnt want to do. As when learning anything new, youll get better at partner sex with practice. Your mistakes are an essential part of the learning process.

> > I had sex with a woman when I didnt want to. She sucked on my breasts in a way that really triggered me, and I didnt tell her to stop. I took the "bear it till its over" approach. I felt horrible for days. I felt like I had betrayed myself, my little girl, in a way Id promised I never would. I finally dealt with it by apologizing to myself and holding my breasts tenderly, washing the experience out of them. I realized I am learning. Although I have been so sexualized, I have had little sex that was about and for me.
>
> Kathy


Input:
Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss the importance of choosing a sexual partner based on personal desires, needs, and values.
* Encourage the reader to consider what they want from a sexual partnership, such as a fling, dating, a lover, or a life partner.
* Address the topic of emotional intimacy and whether the reader wants to be involved with someone who is sexual with others or if they want to engage in sexual activities with others as well.
* Suggest specific questions for the reader to consider when evaluating a potential partner, such as their preferences for various forms of sexual expression and their capacity for emotional intimacy.
* Mention the possibility of inviting a partner to be involved in the reader's sexual healing and whether the reader will disclose their history of abuse.
* Include personal anecdotes from survivors who have learned to be more intentional about choosing partners based on their desires and needs, as well as those who have struggled with this aspect of relationships.
* Emphasize the importance of paying attention to a partner's behavior as a way of evaluating the potential and limitations of the relationship.
* Highlight the common tendency among survivors to settle for less than they want in a relationship and encourage the reader to hold out for their "wildest dreams."

Response:
#  Choosing Sexual Partners

You can choose your partners based upon your desires, needs, and values. Can your prospective partner give you what you are looking for in a sexual partnership? Do you want a fling, someone to date, a lover, or a life partner? Do you care if your partner is sexual with others? Do you want to be sexual with others as well? Do you want an emotionally intimate relationship? Does this person have the capacity for that? Does this person like tantra, S/M, lunchtime quickies, tender evenings of lovemaking, or any other form of sexual expression you may prefer? Do you want to invite your partner to be involved in your sexual healing? Will you tell him or her about your abuse? These are questions to ask yourself and to talk about with your partner.

> > I never thought much about what I wanted from a lover. Id just be attracted to someone, or more often, someone would ask me out and Id go. Id have sex with them until I realized I didnt necessarily like it—or until it would just end.
>
> Marie
>
>> What do I want from a lover? This is a good question. I have been involved with a number of people with whom I wasnt sexually compatible. I am just now saying this is a priority for me.
>
> Rain

When you enter into a new sexual relationship, notice whether your partners behavior matches his or her words. Behavior is the proof in the pudding. What does this mean? It means knowing what you want and watching to see if the other person can offer it to you. This is not a test but rather a way of being awake to the potential (and limitations) of the relationship.

Talk about what you want, talk about what your partner wants, and watch your partners and your own behavior. Your intentions for caring for each other may be fabulous, but your behavior will reveal what you each are able to give and receive right now.

Many survivors build relationships on hope and projection, settling for a fraction of what they want because at least it is something. When you are used to being mistreated, or unused to being loved and cared for, a little can look like a lot. Keep returning to your hearts desires. Dont be afraid to hope for your wildest dreams. Your dreams may not come true in exactly the form you expect, but they will serve as a guide to better choices. The more good things you expect for yourself, the more you can align your actions with your dreams, and the more likely you are to get what you want.

> > I have learned and learned well to find out what I want and go for it. It has been tricky to receive it once it comes, however. I get uncomfortable and start to doubt whether I deserve it or not. I want to pull away.
>
> Anna
>
>> I always seem to fall in love with people who arent available. One was married, another emotionally unavailable. I am not really attracted to people who are ready for a relationship, it seems.
>
> Jo


Input:
Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss the challenges survivors of childhood sexual abuse may face when it comes to trust.
* Mention the tendency of some survivors to grant trust too easily, while others struggle to trust even those who are trustworthy.
* Introduce the three factors to consider when deciding whether to trust someone: competency, consistency over time, and a congruency between words and behavior.
* Provide an example of how someone may be competent in one area (e.g., playing the piano) but not in another (e.g., communicating about sex and healing).
* Emphasize the importance of consistency over time in building trust, using an example of someone respecting boundaries consistently.
* Address the issue of trustworthiness when someone's words match their actions, and the difficulty in building trust when there is a discrepancy between the two.
* Include a personal anecdote from a survivor who has learned to be more discerning about granting trust.
* Summarize the three factors for building trust in a concise, bullet-point format.

Response:
##  Trust

Because childhood sexual abuse violates trust, trust can be a tricky topic for most survivors. Some survivors grant trust to people long before they have earned it, and others do not trust even those whose trustworthiness has been demonstrated. When you are looking to trust someone, consider these three factors: competency, consistency over time, and a congruency between words and behavior.

> > I thought trust was some objective thing that was "good" to do. So I just trusted
>  everyone. This of course was a bad idea, because there are people out there
>  who arent trustworthy, or with whom I dont want to be that intimate.
>
> Melanie

Ask yourself whether the person in question is competent or has the skills and tools you want. Look for competence in the areas that are important to you. Someone may be competent at playing the piano but not competent at knowing how to communicate about sex and healing. Of course, your partner can learn new skills if she is committed to doing so, and this means that your trust in that area may build as she becomes better at it.

Trustworthiness is also shown when someone is consistent over time. If someone promises you that he will respect your boundaries and does so consistently over time, than he can earn your trust.

Last, trust is built when someones words match her actions. Does she do what she says she will? If someone consistently says one thing and does another, there is not much room for building trust.

> Trust
>
>> 1\. Competency.
>
>> 2\. Consistency.
>
>> 3\. Congruence between words and deeds.


Input:
Create a section for the book that includes the following:

* Encourage readers to talk about sex outside of the bedroom and explain why communication is essential for a satisfying sex life.
* Explain the importance of self-knowledge in communicating desires, preferences, and boundaries.
* Provide quotes from survivors about the benefits of open communication in their sex lives.
* Offer practical tips and guidelines for talking about sex with a partner or potential partner:
	+ Talk about sex outside of the place where you are going to have sex (e.g., at the kitchen table, over coffee, or during a walk).
	+ Speak positively about sex, desires, and the partner.
	+ Be specific in communication, using specific sexual words and concrete examples.
* Provide examples of specific communication, such as expressing likes and dislikes or favorite touch techniques.
* Encourage showing, rather than just telling, a partner how to touch or please them.
* Mention the concept of negotiation in S/M play and suggest using this approach for planning and discussing sexual encounters, regardless of whether the reader is into S/M or not.
* Discuss the importance of communication in safer sex practices, including assessing risk level, planning, and handling disagreements before sexual activity begins.

Response:
#  Lets Talk About Sex

You dont have to wait until you get into the bedroom to talk about sex. Please dont wait, in fact. If you do, youll be missing out on the most important tool for creating the sex life you want—communication.

Learning to talk about sex will increase your satisfaction with your sex life more than any other technique. If you spend the next year just focused on learning how to talk about sex and sexual healing, you will have given your sex life a huge boost.

Communication involves some self-knowledge and willingness to share that with another. The more experienced you are with your own desires, the ways you like being touched, and your own process of recovery, triggers, and healing, the easier the communication and interaction with another will be.

> > Knowing how to talk about sex has been the most empowering thing for me. I can tell my partners what I like and want; I can be responsible for my own pleasure by communicating.
>
> Anna
>
>> Negotiating scenes with my lovers is so amazing. I have complete say now as to what is going to happen, what will turn me on, and how to be with me if I get triggered. I tell my lovers up front what the signs are if I am getting triggered and how far I can push my boundaries there.
>
> Rebecca

When talking about sex with a partner or potential partner, some simple rules prove useful:

First, talk about sex outside of the place where you are going to have sex. Sit at the kitchen table, talk over a cup of coffee at a café, or take a walk. This will assist you both in becoming more comfortable integrating sexual talk into everyday settings, and you will not be quite as vulnerable as when youre naked, halfway into something hot and heavy. Before having sex is the time to talk about safer-sex practices as well.

Second, speak positively about sex, your desires, yourself, and your partner. We all tend to take feedback about sex very personally at first. If you want your partner to try something new or to change something he does, first let him know how much you like him touching you. Then add that youd like to try something new or change the touch.

Third, be as specific as possible in your communication. This takes practice for most people. Use specific sexual words, such as penis, ass, vulva, pussy, clit, breasts, nipples, anus, dick, G-spot, tongue, vagina, and prostate. Practice saying these words aloud now. Go ahead, just say them. Add your own, too. Let yourself laugh. Most of us still feel silly learning how to talk about sex.

When talking about your desires, or fantasies, or asking your partner for a certain touch, be concrete and specific. For example, you might say that you like your clit touched in a circular motion on the left side, or that you do not like your clit stimulated directly but prefer the touch to be lower down, underneath it. If you like to be penetrated and then use a vibrator to take yourself over the top, spell that out. The more you communicate, the more satisfying your sexual experience will be and the more likely your partner will be to relax and join in.

> > I finally took a deep breath and told her, "I love it when you use your teeth on
>  my nipple and when you roll my nipple between your fingers; that feels great.
>  I dont like it when you suck my whole breast into your mouth. It feels uncomfortable
>  to me." I thought she would freak out, but she didnt. She was glad to
>  know what I liked and what I didnt.
>
>
> Jeanie

As you let your sexual partner know what you like, showing her may also help. Getting around someone elses anatomy is not as easy as you might think. Show your partner how you like to be touched. Let her hand rest on yours to pick up the rhythm or the pressure.

> > It can be hard to explain how I like my clit touched. I like some pressure, but not too much, and I like it to the side of my clit, not directly on it. I have turned showing my lover how and where I want him to touch me into a sexy game.
>
> Cheryl

In S/M, sex scenes are negotiated before the play begins. Sex partners talk about what they want, and maybe share fantasies or what they hope to heal. Whether you are into S/M or not, you can use this approach. Try planning out a sexual encounter with your partner before you begin. What are your sexual fantasies? What would make it a great experience?

Safer sex also takes communication. It is important to assess your risk level and plan what you are going to use for safer sex before you are sexual. You then have the chance to handle any disagreements and gather supplies before you are in the middle of sex. If you need to reassess or to demand that someone comply with safer sex smack dab in the midst of the action, please do so.


Input:
Create a section for the book that includes the following:

* Address the fear of talking about sex and reassure the reader that they are not alone in feeling this way.
* Emphasize that communicating well about sex is a learned skill.
* Suggest reading sex education books and erotica as a way to see how people openly discuss sex, pick up vocabulary, and learn different styles for talking about sex.
* Encourage the reader to practice saying sexual words out loud to get comfortable with them.
* Provide examples of expressing desires or preferences, such as asking a partner to touch your breasts or press their hips into you.
* Share a testimonial from a survivor about how speaking up and communicating openly improved their sex life.
* Highlight the benefits of communicating about sex, such as getting more of what pleases you and giving your partner more of what pleases them.

Response:
##  The Fear of Sex Talk

If talking to your sex partner about sex freaks you out, you are not alone. Most folks, survivors or not, are very uncertain about how to talk about sex. Communicating well about sex is a learned skill. A good way to get your feet wet is to read sex education books and erotica to see that people actually do talk openly about sex. This is also a great way to pick up vocabulary words and different styles for talking about sex. Then its a matter of trying it yourself.

You can start by writing a list of sexual words you are uncomfortable with, and in the privacy of your own space, practice saying them aloud. Try out words you might not necessarily use, or words that you think are too risqué, like cunt or cock. Next, practice saying what you want: "I would really like you to touch my breasts and firmly squeeze my nipples," or "Id like you to press your hips into me." It may seem terrifying at first, but youll be amazed at how quickly you catch on. Communicating about sex allows you to get more of what pleases you and give your partner more of what pleases her or him. It is one of those win-win situations.

> > Sex got so much better when I learned to speak up. I used to try to silently adjust myself to make something feel better, which didnt always work. I read a couple of books about sex, and that helped a lot. I saw that other people can talk about it, so I figured I can, too.
>
> Maria


Input:
Create a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss the question of whether to disclose a history of sexual abuse to a sexual partner.
* Encourage individuals in long-term intimate relationships to disclose their experiences, but acknowledge that some people may be uncomfortable doing so.
* Suggest examining the fear behind not disclosing and considering the potential healing benefits of an intimate partnership.
* Share a testimonial from a survivor about when they chose to disclose their experiences of abuse to their partner.
* Explain the tendency for survivors to default to isolation or overexposure due to the secrecy and destruction of boundaries associated with childhood sexual abuse.
* Emphasize the importance of disclosing at the right time, which is after establishing trust with a partner.
* Prepare the reader for various responses from partners and remind them that partners will have different capacities for hearing about sexual abuse.

Response:
##  Disclosure: To Tell or Not to Tell

For many survivors, there is the question of whether or not to tell a sexual partner about your experience of abuse. If you are in a long-term intimate relationship, I encourage you to tell your partner. If you are uncomfortable doing so or you dont want to, I suggest you take a look at that fear and at your relationship. An intimate partnership can be a supportive and loving place to heal. And all of you gets to be loved and appreciated now, including the truth of your history. You no longer need to hide yourself away from those you are close to.

> > I am comfortable talking about the incest I experienced, but I take much longer and require more trust with a person before I am willing to talk about my experiences of ritual abuse. I waited a year into my relationship with my girlfriend to tell her about it.
>
> Rose

Because of the secrecy of childhood sexual abuse and the destruction of healthy boundaries, survivors tend to default to isolation or overexposure. Some survivors never tell anyone about what happened to them, tucking it away from present-day life. This keeps a survivor isolated and still in shame. Other survivors tell everyone about their abuse or disclose more information than a relationship is ready for. Many survivors who overexpose have a hard time keeping intimate friends and relationships.

When do you tell? A good time to tell is after you have established some trust with your partner. If you are entering a new partnership, and you want to know if your potential partner can handle being involved with a survivor who is healing, you may speak about your history sooner rather than later. Be prepared for any number of responses. Partners will have their own capacities for being able to hear about sexual abuse.


Input:
Create a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss how and where to meet sexual and intimate partners, emphasizing that it depends on what the reader is looking for.
* Encourage the reader to think about their criteria for a sexual mate and be clear about it to make the process easier.
* Mention common places where people meet their sexual partners, such as school, work, or through friendship circles and communities.
* Suggest alerting friends and others in the reader's social network about their desire for a sex partner or mate.
* Advise looking for sexual partners in places where the reader feels most themselves or empowered.
* Provide examples of places where potential partners might be found, such as business or personal development classes, clubs, sports teams, outdoor clubs, online chat rooms, or volunteer jobs.
* For those specifically seeking a sexual play partner, suggest phone sex lines, online discussion groups, sexual play parties, or a sex-focused club or political organization.
* Note the availability of online resources and the prevalence of play parties and sex-focused organizations in larger cities.

Response:
#  How to Meet Sexual Partners

The how and where of meeting sexual and intimate partners depends, of course, on what you are looking for. Do your homework by thinking about what is important to you in a sexual mate. The clearer you are about your criteria, the easier the process will be.

Most people meet their sexual partners at school or work, or through their friendship circles and communities. If you are serious about wanting a sex partner or mate, alert your friends and others in your social network. Tell them what you want and why. People love to play matchmaker.

Look for sexual partners in places where you do things you enjoy doing already. Where do you feel most yourself or most empowered? Start there. You might meet potential partners in business or personal development classes, clubs that interest you, your sports team, an outdoor club, online chat rooms, or a volunteer job. Some people place personal ads or use phone, online, or professional dating services.

If you are looking specifically for a sexual play partner, you may want to try phone sex lines, online discussion groups, sexual play parties, or a sex-focused club or political organization. While play parties and sex-focused organizations are usually located in larger cities, online discussion groups and phone sex lines are widely available.


Input:
Create a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss the pleasures of flirting and kissing, emphasizing that they can be friendly, sensual, or erotic.
* Provide an example of someone who enjoys kissing and the game they play with their partner.
* Note that kissing and flirting are learned skills, and share examples of first experiences with French kissing.
* Encourage the reader to explore different ways to kiss, such as using more or less pressure, changing how they use their tongue, or using their teeth and nibbling on their partner's lips.
* Suggest asking a partner how they would like to be kissed and communicating about what the reader likes and dislikes in a kiss.
* Include a personal story about someone who spoke up about their preferences in kissing and the positive outcome that resulted.

Response:
#  Flirting and Kissing

Flirting and kissing are among the great pleasures of life. You can flirt with a glance or a brief conversation, or by sharing a momentary exchange of energy with someone who attracts you. Your kisses can be friendly and sensual or sizzling with eroticism.

> > I can kiss for hours. I like bringing all of my focus into my lips, and my lips touching hers. We play a game where we are not allowed to go beyond kissing for an entire date. The variety of kisses you can find when you are not in a rush to move on is amazing.
>
> Pamela

Kissing and flirting, like any other aspect of sex, are learned skills. Can you remember your first consensual French kiss? Did you know what you were doing? Most of us didnt.

> > I French kissed a boy for the first time in sixth grade. I really wanted to. I was coming into my own desire. It was wet and sloppy; I didnt know to swallow my saliva. It was pretty messy, but also erotic.
>
> Roslyn

You can discover many enjoyable ways to kiss. Try kissing with more or less pressure. Try changing how you use your tongue by making it softer or more firm. Explore by using your teeth and nibbling on your partners lips. Ask your partner how he would like to be kissed. Try that. Let your partner know what about her kisses you like and how you would like to be kissed.

> > Finally speaking up for myself about kissing was a huge deal. I used to hate how my boyfriend kissed me, and I wouldnt say anything. It didnt feel intimate, but felt more like something I wanted to get away from. He was angry and ashamed when I finally told him that I didnt like our kissing. But we worked it through and tried different ways to kiss that made me feel like I wanted to be there.
>
> Debbie


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Emphasize the different roles sex plays in people's lives, such as being a way to be close with another person, to relax and release, to feel good, and to heal.
* Encourage the reader to have fun with sex as they heal, whether they are engaging in sexual healing alone or with a partner or multiple partners.
* Describe sex as being fun, funny, silly, engaging, and expansive.
* Through learning about sex, help the reader understand that sex is no longer a weapon being used against them and that it can be pleasurable and support their well-being.

Response:
#  Go Out There and Have Fun!

Sex plays numerous roles in our lives. It is a way to be incredibly close with another, to relax and release, to get off and feel good, and to heal. As you heal sexually, remember to get out there and have some fun with sex, too. Whether you are engaging in sexual healing by yourself, with a partner, or with a number of lovers, sex can be fun, funny, silly, engaging, and expansive. Through learning about sex, you can begin to understand in your body that sex is no longer a weapon being used against you. Sex can be pleasurable and support your well-being.


Input:
  Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Provide a list of exercises for readers to explore their sexual desires and boundaries.
* The first exercise should encourage the reader to brainstorm what they want in a sexual partnership, whether that be dating, long-term relationships, or introducing different ways of having sex in their current relationship. They should write about this in a journal for at least fifteen minutes.
* The second exercise should instruct the reader to have a non-sexual conversation with their sexual partner or a friend about their sexual likes and desires.
* The third exercise should encourage the reader to set up a sex date with their partner where they agree not to engage in penetrative or oral sex, instead exploring other ways of touching and being together sexually.
* The fourth exercise should prompt the reader to pay attention to their body during sexual activity, noticing where they feel sensations and where they do not. They should also try to be attentive to their sensations while still being present with their partner.
* The fifth exercise should encourage the reader to write in a journal about their experiences and continue practicing these exercises.

Response:
#  Sex Guide Exercises

> 1\. What do you want in a sexual partnership? Do you want to date? Do you want a long-term partnership? Do you want to introduce different ways of having sex into your current relationship? Let yourself brainstorm numerous possibilities. If you could have your hearts desire, what would that be? Write about this in your journal for at least fifteen minutes.

> 2\. In a neutral, nonsexual setting, talk to your sexual partner or a friend about what you like or want to try sexually.

> 3\. Set up a sex date with your sexual partner during which you agree not to have penetrative or oral sex. Use the time to explore other ways of touching and being together sexually.

> 4\. As you are sexual with your partner or lover, attend to being present in your own body. Feel the sensations in your whole body, from your arms to your legs, head, and feet. Where do you notice sensations? Where are you blank or void? Where is it comfortable to feel? Where do you want to move away from your sensation? Can you be attentive to the sensations in your body and be with your partner at the same time?

> 5\. Write in a journal about what you have noticed and learned. Keep practicing.


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Start with personal testimonies from survivors of sexual abuse about their experiences with oral sex. Some may have positive experiences, while others may still struggle with it.
* Define oral sex and provide its official and slang terms.
* Discuss the social stigma around oral sex and contrast it with the prevalence of the practice according to sexual behavior surveys.
* Address concerns about cleanliness and strong smells or tastes associated with oral sex, and provide solutions such as thorough washing and using latex barriers.
* Suggest resources for learning about oral sex, such as books and how-to videos.
* Emphasize the importance of communication with one's partner about their likes and dislikes regarding oral sex, and suggest asking for specific feedback.

Response:
chapter nine

Oral Sex

> Even though I was made to perform oral sex during my abuse, I love it now.
>  It is one of my favorite ways to give to my partner.
>

Aurora

> I still cant stand someone going down on me. This is how my stepfather would get me aroused, and I blank out when I try.

Barb

Oral sex is mouth-to-genital or mouth-to-anus sex. It involves kissing, sucking, licking, or nibbling your partners penis, clitoris and vulva, or anus—or your partner licking yours. The official name for mouth-to-penis sex is fellatio; slang terms include giving head, blow job, and sucking cock. Cunnilingus is mouth-to-vulva-and-clitoris sex. Going down on a woman and eating her out are slang terms for cunnilingus. Rimming is slang for analingus, or mouth-to-anus sex.

Oral sex gets a bad rap socially. It is still on the books as illegal in some states, even between married couples in private. In sexual behavior surveys, however, the majority of people report that they practice oral sex. Many people rate oral sex as their favorite sexual activity.

Some people are concerned about cleanliness, or strong smells and tastes associated with oral sex. You can take care of this by washing thoroughly before oral sex or by using latex barriers.

There are lots of ways to learn about oral sex. Numerous books have come out in recent years that provide quality information and are good reads. How-to videos are also available on the subject. Of course, the best way to learn about your partners likes and dislikes regarding oral sex is to ask. Ask your partner to be specific about his or her likes. If your partner cant give you specifics, try different touches and ask for feedback.


Input:
  Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Start with a personal anecdote about the author's changing perspective on cunnilingus from childhood to adulthood.
* Define cunnilingus and describe the different techniques, such as licking, sucking, and nibbling on the clitoris, labia, or the whole vulva. Mention that many women like to be penetrated with fingers or a dildo while receiving oral sex.
* Explain that different pressure, placement of the tongue, and rhythms are enjoyable for different women. Encourage communication about preferences between partners.
* Provide examples of personal testimonies from women about their experiences with cunnilingus.
* Address the myth that the vulva is dirty and explain that the mouth actually carries more bacteria and germs than the vulva.
* Acknowledge that not everyone likes cunnilingus due to various reasons, such as feeling it's dirty, past abuse, or simply personal preference.
* Discuss the idea that cunnilingus involves a certain kind of surrender, which can be challenging for survivors of sexual abuse to accept.
* Provide a personal testimony about overcoming the worry of taking up too much time during cunnilingus and understanding that the partner enjoys giving pleasure in this way.

Response:
#  Cunnilingus

Okay, girlfriends, cunnilingus it is. I remember that when I first learned about cunnilingus as a kid, I thought it sounded like one of the grossest things I could imagine. Funny, how things look a bit different from an adult perspective.

Cunnilingus can include licking, sucking, and nibbling on the clitoris, the labia, or the whole vulva. Many women like to be penetrated with fingers or a dildo while receiving oral sex. The tongue can also be used for penetration, but naturally it can go only so far.

There are many ways to go down on a woman. Different pressure, placement of the tongue, and rhythms are enjoyable for different women. Ask you partner what she likes best. Tell him what works for you. Do you like your entire vulva to be licked? Do you like the tongue to be flat, or do you enjoy the tip of the tongue? Do you like stimulation directly on your clitoris, to one side, or on the hood? Most women appreciate a steady rhythm and pressure just before and through orgasm. Changing tactics or pressure right before a woman comes usually doesnt work well.

> > Getting head (thats my name for getting eaten out) is the only way I can come with a partner.
>
> Daren
>
>> Having my husband go down on me is both relaxing and such a turn-on. I love it!
>
> Sally

Not everyone likes cunnilingus. Some feel that it is dirty "down there" and not a place where you want to put your mouth. This myth of the vulva being dirty still has a hold in our culture, although your mouth actually carries many more bacteria and germs than your vulva. Some people also find cunnilingus triggering because of past abuse, and others simply dont like it.

> > That is how my perp would make me have an orgasm. Then, of course, he
>  would say I liked it and the whole thing was my fault. That is so fucked up.
>  How was him manipulating me and my body my fault? I am still uncomfortable
>  with someone going down on me, though. I lose track of where I am and
>  who it is.
>
>
> Liz
>
>> I like getting it, but I dont like giving it. This doesnt always go over well with my girlfriend.
>
> Jeanie

Cunnilingus involves a certain kind of surrender. Your partner is focusing on you and your pleasure. As a survivor, this can be challenging for you to take in.

> > I used to worry about time when my fiancé was going down on me. I thought he must be bored, or that I was taking up too much time. I am slowly getting it that he is disappointed when I pull him away from doing that. He told me once that he could go down on me for an entire day. I was amazed.
>
> Aurora


Input:
   Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Offer advice to both partners on how to enjoy giving and receiving cunnilingus, starting with enjoying oral attention to the whole body before focusing on the vulva.
* Provide a list of suggestions for techniques and actions to try during cunnilingus, such as kissing and stroking the nipples, kissing and licking the belly, back, rear end, and inner thighs, nibbling at the armpits, blowing warm air gently across the vulva, caressing the entire vulva with hands and face, and using saran wrap or dental dams for protection.
* Remind the reader to be gentle with their partner and to communicate about their preferences.
* Include tips on how to use the tongue during cunnilingus, such as gently sucking the clitoris, licking up the center of the vulva, pressing the tongue flat against the clitoris, and flicking the tongue rapidly against the glans, hood, and shaft of the clitoris.
* Provide advice on how to avoid causing discomfort with teeth during cunnilingus, such as asking the partner if they like the feel of nibbling on the inner thigh, labia, nipples, and even the hood of the clitoris.
* Encourage the use of dental dams for protection and explain how to use them, such as pressing the tongue into the vagina through the dental dam or giving the clitoris a little snap by sucking the dental dam into the mouth and then releasing it.

Response:
#  The How-tos of Cunnilingus

You may want to dive right in, but youll most likely enjoy receiving or giving oral attention to the whole body. Experiment! As you become aroused, youll be able to take more intense direct clitoral stimulation.

Whether youre receiving your lovers best oral attentions or going down on your girlfriend, the following are some places to begin. You can share these suggestions with your partner or try them out yourself:

> • Kiss and stroke the nipples. Gently suck them until they become erect.

> • Kiss and lick the belly, back, rear end, and inner thighs. Take your time; enjoy all that appreciation!

> • Nibble at her armpits.

> • Blow warm air gently across the vulva. (Never blow air directly into the vagina.)

> • Caress the entire vulva with hands and face.

> • Wrap her up with Saran wrap like a giant gift!

> • Pull out a dental dam, put a little lube on your side of the latex, and hold it in place for your partner.

> • Gently suck her clitoris.

> • Open her outer vaginal lips with your fingers and lick up the center of the vulva from her vaginal opening to her pubic mound.

> • Press your tongue flat against her clit. Move gently from side to side.

> • Ask him to circle your clit with his tongue.

> • Flick your tongue rapidly against the glans, hood, and shaft of her clitoris.

> • Watch those teeth—ask her if she likes the feel of you nibbling on her inner thigh, labia, nipples, and even the hood of her clit.

> • Press your tongue into her vagina.

> • Give her clit a little snap: suck the dental dam into your mouth and then release it.


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss how cunnilingus can be triggering for some survivors of sexual abuse and offer practical suggestions for overcoming these triggers.
* Encourage the reader to become familiar with their own genitals, including using a mirror to look at themselves, smelling and tasting their own vaginal secretions, and tracking changes in secretion and smell to monitor vaginal health.
* Suggest introducing a partner to their genitals, without letting the partner touch them at first. Have the reader show their partner their vulva, point out their clit and clitoral hood, their labia, and their vagina and perineum. Have the partner place their head near the reader's vulva without touching.
* Encourage the reader to practice staying in their body by feeling their sensations, maintaining eye contact and communication with their partner, and talking about how this feels for them.
* Suggest finding a position for oral sex that feels powerful or comfortable for the reader. Many survivors find it useful to be in a position that allows eye contact.
* Encourage the reader to keep their eyes open during oral sex to help them stay present and to keep breathing.
* Remind the reader to stop when they want to stop and to continue when they are ready.
* If the reader has never tried cunnilingus or does not want to try it, encourage them to explore why not and to work on freeing cunnilingus for themselves using the resources in chapter 11 on triggers.
* Emphasize that what is most important is that the reader is making their own choice about cunnilingus.

Response:
##  Cunnilingus and Triggers

If you like cunnilingus but it triggers you, or you dont like it now but would like to learn to, here are some practical suggestions. First, become familiar with your own genitals. Cunnilingus is a close-up on the vulva, after all. Use a mirror to look at yourself. What colors are your labia and clitoris? What is your hair like? Pull back your clitoral hood and check yourself out. Smell and taste your own vaginal secretions. You will notice that both the consistency and the taste of your fluids will change with your menstrual cycle. Your nutrition will also affect the taste of your secretions. Looking at yourself regularly is also a great way to track vaginal health. You will notice yeast and other infections by the changes in secretion and smell.

Next, introduce your partner to your genitals. Without letting him touch you, show your partner your vulva. Point out your clit and clitoral hood, your labia, and your vagina and perineum. Show her how and where you like to be touched by touching yourself. When you are ready, have your partner place his head near your vulva. Again, no touching yet. Remember to breathe. Practice staying in your body by feeling your sensations. Being in consistent eye contact and communication with your partner also helps. Talk about how this feels for you, and listen to your partner tell you his experience. This exercise can help you to build a new relationship to your own vulva, and to a partners touch.

When you want to move into oral sex, find a position that feels powerful or comfortable for you. Many survivors find it useful to be in a position that allows eye contact. Your partner can kneel or lie between your legs, or you can kneel over his face. In the latter position, you can more easily control the contact and move a bit more freely. Try keeping your eyes open. This can help you orient in time and space and keep you present. Keep breathing. Stop when you want to stop, and continue when you are ready.

If you have never tried cunnilingus or do not want to try it, explore why not. What about it turns you off? What are your fears and concerns? Are there memories or traumas you associate with cunnilingus? Utilize the resources in chapter 11 on triggers to work more deeply on freeing cunnilingus for yourself. You may decide in the long run that you dont like cunnilingus—or you may find that you love it! What is most important is that you are making your own choice about it.


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss fellatio and explain that many men enjoy receiving oral sex and many women and men enjoy giving it.
* Describe the most sensitive parts of the penis, including the head or glans, the coronal ridge surrounding it, and the seam running down the underside of the penis, called the raphe.
* Explain that the shaft of the penis is not very responsive to the tongue and suggest stroking it with your hand instead.
* Suggest sucking on the balls as another technique that many men enjoy.
* Emphasize the importance of keeping teeth out of the fellatio experience.
* Include a quote from a woman who enjoys giving her husband blow jobs.
* Discuss the use of sex toys and suggest giving head to a partner's dildo.
* Include a quote from a woman who enjoys receiving an expert blow job from her girlfriend, even though she does not have a penis.
* Discuss the fact that fellatio is often depicted as a degrading act, but that this is not necessarily the case.
* Explain that many survivors who were abused orally as children are able to enjoy oral sex as adults.
* Mention that some survivors like fellatio and others do not.

Response:
#  Fellatio

Many men enjoy receiving oral sex, and many women and men enjoy giving it. You will find that the head of the penis, or glans, and the coronal ridge surrounding it tend to be the most sensitive. The seam running down the underside of the penis, called the raphe, is the most sensitive part of the shaft. The shaft, otherwise, isnt very responsive to the tongue. Stroking the shaft of the penis with your hand, adding pressure or an up-and-down motion can be enjoyable for your partner. Sucking his balls is another favorite technique for many men. Most men agree that keeping the teeth out of the fellatio experience is best; they hurt!

> > I like giving my husband blow jobs. I like being able to take him like that; he melts.
>
> Rona

If you use sex toys, you can give head to your partners dildo. Strapping on a dildo and receiving an expert blow job is a fun erotic fantasy for many women, whatever the gender of their partner.

> > One of my greatest fantasies is imagining my girlfriend giving me a blow job.
>  Of course I dont have a penis, but when we fantasize about it out loud it sure
>  seems like I do.
>
>
> JR

Some survivors like fellatio and others do not. Fellatio is often depicted as a degrading act a woman is forced to perform. Many survivors were forced to perform oral sex on their perpetrators, but while you may think that those who were abused in this way would not like oral sex as adults, this isnt the case. Many survivors who were abused orally as children are able to enjoy oral sex as adults.


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Provide tips and ideas for exploring fellatio.
* Encourage the reader to take their time and discover the pleasures of their partner's body.
* Suggest kissing, licking, sucking, and caressing the partner's body.
* Mention that the reader can take their partner's penis as deeply into their mouth as is comfortable for them.
* Advise the reader to pull their partner's penis out of their mouth before he ejaculates, if that is what they prefer.
* Offer specific techniques for exploring fellatio, such as kissing and stroking the chest and nipples, gently sucking the nipples until they become erect, licking the belly, back, butt, and inner thighs, nibbling at the armpits, caressing the balls and inner thighs with the hands and face, and popping an unlubed condom into the mouth and using the tongue and lips to roll it over the head of the penis.
* Suggest licking the penis from the base of the shaft to the glans and circling the head with the tongue.
* Advise sucking firmly on just the head of the penis.
* Recommend holding the base of the penis and relaxing the throat to bring the partner deeper into the mouth and throat.
* Suggest pressing the tongue flat against the perineum and nibbling gently on the loose skin of the balls.
* Remind the reader that they can do these techniques with a dildo, too.

Response:
#  The How-tos of Fellatio

Take your time and discover the pleasures of your partners body—for both his enjoyment and yours. You can kiss, lick, suck, and caress. You can take your partners penis as deeply into your mouth as is comfortable for you. You can pull his penis out of your mouth before he ejaculates, if that is what you prefer. Here are some ideas for exploring fellatio:

> • Kiss and stroke his chest and nipples.

> • Gently suck his nipples until they become erect.

> • Lick his belly, back, butt, and inner thighs. Show him how much you appreciate him!

> • Nibble at his armpits.

> • Caress his balls and inner thighs with your hands and face.

> • Pop an unlubed condom into your mouth and using your tongue and lips, roll it over the head of his penis. (You can practice on a dildo or zucchini.) Use your hands to roll it all the way down his shaft.

> • Lick his penis from the base of the shaft to the glans and circle the head with your tongue.

> • Suck firmly on just the head of the penis.

> • Holding the base of the penis, relax your throat and bring your partner deeper into your mouth and throat. You can do this with a dildo, too.

> • Press your tongue flat against his perineum (the area between his anus and balls).

> • Nibble gently on the loose skin of his balls. You can suck on his balls and carefully take them into your mouth.


Input:
  Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss fellatio and triggers.
* Offer suggestions for those who like giving head but it triggers them, or for those who don't like it now but would like to learn to.
* Advise becoming familiar with the partner's penis and balls.
* Suggest taking time to ask the partner to show their genitals when their penis is not erect and checking out the colors and textures.
* Encourage building a new association with male genitals by connecting them with the partner and what the reader likes, loves, or cares about in them.
* Remind the reader that this penis is not there to hurt them, but to provide pleasure.
* Advise practicing staying in the body by feeling sensations and remembering to breathe during the exploration.
* Suggest not planning on having oral sex initially and using hands to feel the various textures of the partner's skin.
* Encourage placing the head close to the partner and becoming acquainted with their smells.
* Recommend kissing the partner's genitals and tasting them.
* Advise finding a position that feels powerful or comfortable for the reader during oral sex.
* Suggest using eye contact during oral sex.
* Remind the reader to keep breathing and to stop when they want to stop, and continue when they are ready.
* Advise utilizing the resources in chapter 11 on triggers to work more deeply on freeing up fellatio for themselves.
* Encourage the reader to make their own choice about their sex life, reminding them that they choose their sex life now, not the abuse or the triggers.

Response:
##  Fellatio and Triggers

If you like giving head but it triggers you, or if you dont like it now but would like to learn to, here are some suggestions: Become familiar with your partners penis and balls. Take your time. Ask him to show you his genitals when his penis is not erect. Check out the colors and textures. Get to know his genitals in a way that lets you make friends with them. Begin to build a new association with male genitals. This is the body of someone whom you are choosing as an adult to be sexual with. Connect his genitals with him, and what you like, love, or care about in him. This penis is not here to hurt you. It is a part of his body through which you can both experience pleasure. Remember to breathe during this exploration, and practice staying in your body by feeling your sensations.

Dont plan on having oral sex initially. Use your hands to feel the various textures of his skin. Place your head close to him and become acquainted with his smells. You can kiss his genitals and taste them. Breathe. Remember that his genitals are a part of what you care about in him.

When you are ready to move into oral sex, find a position that feels powerful or comfortable for you. Many survivors find it useful to be in a position that allows eye contact. While he lies on his back, try kneeling next to him or between his legs. Keep your eyes open. This can help you orient in time and space and keep you present. Place your hand around the base of his penis; this way you can control the depth and speed of the movement. Keep breathing. Stop when you want to stop, and continue when you are ready. It is fine to remove your mouth before your partner comes, whether or not you are using condoms.

Utilize the resources in chapter 11 on triggers to work more deeply on freeing up fellatio for yourself. You may decide in the long run that you dont like fellatio—or you may find that you love it. What matters most is that you make your own choice about it. You choose your sex life now, not the abuse, not the triggers.


Input:
  Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Discuss analingus or rimming, a sex practice that many people do not admit to.
* Explain that the anal area is full of nerve endings, and for many, analingus is as pleasurable as other forms of oral sex.
* Address concerns about the cleanliness of such a practice.
* Suggest cleaning up with soap and water before engaging in rimming.
* Recommend using a barrier of latex or plastic wrap to protect from bacteria and STDs.
* Mention that many who practice anal sex also clean internally by gentle rinsing with soap and water or an enema.
* Remind the reader that little feces is found in the rectum or anal canal due to the anatomy of the lower intestine.
* Advise being careful not to let any lubricant or saliva around the anus drip into the vaginal area, as the bacteria from the anus can cause a vaginal infection.

Response:
#  Rimming

> > I dont know that there are many people I would tell this to, but having my partners mouth on my ass is so pleasurable I can hardly stand it.
>
> Naomi

Analingus, or rimming, is a sex practice that many do not admit to. Yet, the anal area is full of nerve endings, and for many analingus is as pleasurable as other forms of oral sex.

Most people are concerned about the cleanliness of such a practice. If you are interested in rimming your partner, or vice versa, you can first clean up with soap and water. Using a barrier of latex or plastic wrap also protects you from bacteria and STDs. Many who practice anal sex also clean internally by gentle rinsing with soap and water, or an enema. Keep in mind that because of the anatomy of the lower intestine, little feces is found in the rectum or anal canal (see chapter 5). Be careful not to let any lubricant or saliva around the anus drip into the vaginal area. The bacteria from the anus can cause a vaginal infection.


Input:
   Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Explain that the anus is a very delicate part of the body, rich in nerve endings, and extremely responsive to touch.
* Suggest various ways to stimulate the anus, such as kissing, licking, caressing, nibbling the flesh surrounding the anus, and blowing warm air gently across the anus.
* Remind the reader not to move from the anus to the vagina to prevent vaginal infections.
* Provide a list of steps to follow when engaging in rimming, including kissing and licking the belly, back, butt, and inner thighs, nibbling at the flesh surrounding the anus, and blowing warm air gently across the anus.
* Recommend using a dental dam or other barrier and putting a dab of lube on the partner's side.
* Suggest circling the anus with the tip of the tongue, pressing the tongue flat against the anus, and gently inserting the tip of the tongue into the anus.
* Provide additional suggestions for stimulation, such as inserting a finger into the vagina or gently stroking the penis while attending to the anus.

Response:
#  The How-tos of Rimming

The anus is a very delicate part of your body, rich in nerve endings, and extremely responsive to touch. You can kiss, lick, and caress. You can nibble the flesh surrounding the anus. With arousal, the anus will open, and youll be able to fit more of your tongue inside. If your partner is a woman, make sure that you do not move from her anus to her vagina. Take care to prevent vaginal infections.

> • Kiss and lick the belly, back, butt, and inner thighs. Let your partner anticipate the pleasure to come.

> • Nibble at the flesh surrounding the anus.

> • Blow warm air gently across the anus.

> • Grab a dental dam or other barrier and put a dab of lube on your partners side.

> • Circle the anus with the tip of your tongue.

> • Press your tongue flat against the anus and let your partner enjoy the heat and pressure.

> • Gently insert the tip of your tongue into the anus.

> • Pull out a latex glove and some lube. With a woman partner, you can insert a finger into her vagina as your tongue penetrates her anus. With a man, you can gently stroke his penis as you attend to his anus.


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Explain the risks associated with oral sex, such as the exchange of bodily fluids like semen, pre-come, blood from menstruation, and vaginal secretions.
* Discuss the importance of assessing one's risk based on sexual behaviors and HIV status, as well as the partner's.
* Provide tips for safer oral sex, including using condoms for fellatio, water-based lubricant, and alternative materials for those allergic to latex.
* Recommend using dental dams, cut-open condoms, latex gloves, or plastic food wrap as barriers for cunnilingus.
* Explain how to properly use a condom or glove as a barrier, including cutting it open and marking one side with a pen.
* Emphasize the importance of using a latex barrier for rimming and using lubricant to increase sensitivity for the receiver.

Response:
#  Safer Oral Sex

Through oral sex you can exchange many a bodily fluid. Semen, including pre-come, and blood from menstruation are two of the bodily fluids with the highest concentrations of HIV. The risk factor in contacting vaginal secretions (with no blood) is fairly low. The tissues of the anus, mouth and gums, and vagina can have tiny tears that allow sexually transmitted diseases to pass.

Assess your risk based on your sexual behaviors and HIV status, as well as your partners. To practice safer fellatio, you can use a condom. Try putting a spot of water-based lubricant inside the tip of the condom to help it slide and increase stimulation for your partner. Remember to hold onto the tip as you put on the condom so air wont be trapped in the tip, which may cause breakage. There are condoms made of alternative materials for those allergic to latex. Lambskin condoms are not effective for preventing the transmission of HIV.

For cunnilingus, you can purchase dental dams, which are squares of latex used in dental procedures, or you can cut open a condom or latex glove and use it as a barrier. To use a condom, cut off the tip, then snip it up one side, opening it into a square. Likewise, you can cut open a glove by snipping off the fingers and up one side. If you use dental dams or cut-open condoms or gloves, mark one side with a pen so that if you slip, youll know which side goes where. My favorite is plastic food wrap. When using plastic wrap, rip off a long piece and wrap it underneath and around you. No hands! Plastic wrap is also a good substitute for those who are sensitive to latex. A dab of water-based lubricant on the recipients side of the barrier increases sensitivity.

Remember to use a latex barrier for rimming as well. Again, place some lubricant on the receivers side of the barrier, and go to town!


Input:
 Write a section for the book that includes the following:

* Provide a series of exercises for the reader to engage with after reading the chapter on oral sex.
* The first exercise should ask the reader to reflect on their feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations after reading the chapter.
* The second exercise should encourage the reader to look at their own genitals using a mirror, noting the colors, textures, and what they appreciate about them. They should create a list of ten things they appreciate.
* The third exercise should prompt the reader to consider what they like and dislike about oral sex, specifically cunnilingus, fellatio, and rimming. They should discuss their preferences with someone else.
* The fourth exercise should ask the reader to reflect on what they discovered about themselves while reading the chapter on oral sex.

Response:
#  Sex Guide Exercises

> 1\. How do you feel after reading this chapter? What do you notice in your thinking, emotions, and sensations?

> 2\. Take out a mirror and look at your own genitals, the area where your partner will be up close and personal during oral sex. Look at the colors, feel the textures. This is a whole and healthy part of you. What do you appreciate about your genitals? Make a list of ten things.

> 3\. What do you like and dislike about oral sex? Specifically, what do you like most and least about cunnilingus? Fellatio? Rimming? Talk with someone about what you like and dislike.

> 4\. What did you discover about yourself in reading this chapter?


Input:
  Write a section for the chapter titled "Penetration" that includes the following:

* Discuss the various ways to enjoy penetration, including vaginal or anal intercourse with a penis or a dildo, and using fingers, vibrators, and even a partner's whole hand.
* Emphasize that penetration is not limited to the vagina, and that many people enjoy anal penetration with various objects.
* Mention that most women and men do not reach orgasm from vaginal or anal penetration alone, and require some form of clitoral or penile stimulation.
* Highlight that there are many ways to enjoy penetration, both when being penetrated and when penetrating a partner.
* Encourage the reader to explore their options and preferences regarding penetration.

Response:
chapter ten

Penetration

There are all kind of ways to enjoy penetration. You certainly can enjoy vaginal or anal intercourse with a penis—or a dildo. You can also enjoy fingers, vibrators, and even your partners whole hand.

Penetration is not limited to your vagina. Many women (and men) enjoy anal penetration—with fingers, vibrators, butt plugs, dildos, and hands.

Most women do not reach orgasm from vaginal or anal penetration alone, but need some form of clitoral stimulation. The same is true for men; very few men reach orgasm from anal penetration without some form of penile stimulation.

There are all kinds of ways to enjoy penetration, both when being penetrated and when penetrating your partner. This chapter will explore some of your options.


Input:
   Write a section for the chapter titled "Vaginal Penetration" that includes the following:

* Discuss various ways to enjoy vaginal penetration such as using fingers, dildos, and a partner's penis.
* Emphasize that fingers and hands can reach places that a penis may not, like the G-spot.
* Explain that the sensations can vary depending on the depth of penetration, with the nerves near the opening being more sensitive to movement and the deeper part of the vaginal passage being more responsive to pressure.
* Encourage the reader to explore their preferences and identify what feels most pleasurable for them in terms of sensations and depths.

Response:
#  Vaginal Penetration

There are numerous ways to enjoy vaginal penetration. You may like being penetrated with your own or your partners fingers, or with a dildo, either in your partners or your own hand, or strapped on with a harness. You may like your partners penis best. Maybe you prefer your partners fingers or hand, which can stimulate places that a penis might not reach, like the G-spot.

Youll notice different sensations at different depths of the vagina. The nerves nearer the opening of the vaginal passage tend to be more sensitive to and stimulated by movement. The deeper part of the vaginal passage responds more readily to pressure. Many woman find the cervix sensitive to touch and pressure, some liking the sensation and others finding it uncomfortable. Where do you feel the most pleasure in your vagina? Are there different sensations and depths that you like?


Input:
 Write a section for the chapter titled "The G-Spot" that includes the following:

* Explain what the G-spot is and its significance according to tantra practitioners.
* Discuss the experiences of some survivors who have reported intense emotions such as vulnerability, tears, or rage when their G-spot is stimulated.
* Mention the possibility of G-spot ejaculation for some women and provide techniques to learn how to do it if interested.
* Advise readers to urinate before beginning and to have towels nearby due to the potential for wetness.
* Provide suggestions for G-spot stimulation, such as using fingers, a firm dildo, or a curved dildo.
* Encourage communication with a partner about what feels most intense and what is desired.
* Suggest trying clitoral stimulation at the same time as G-spot stimulation.
* Include quotes from survivors who have experienced G-spot ejaculation.

Response:
##  The G-Spot

The G-spot is spoken of by tantra practitioners (see chapter 15) as the "sacred spot" or a center of concentrated sexual intensity for many women. Tantra practitioners also speak of the G-spot as an area that holds sexual trauma. Many survivors have told me that working with the G-spot has been central in healing and releasing past sexual trauma. Some survivors report intense vulnerability, tears, or rage when having their G-spot stimulated.

> > I felt so vulnerable and opened up. I did not know that she was stimulating my
>  G-spot. I was not familiar with that at the time. It really sent me to another
>  level, out there. Afterward I cried and shook and felt cleansed somehow.
>
> Akaya

As discussed in chapter 5, on anatomy, some women ejaculate with G-spot stimulation. Although not all women experience G-spot ejaculation, there are techniques that can help you learn how, if youre interested. Allow yourself plenty of time to explore your G-spot and discover what arouses you. Urinate before you begin. When you are about to ejaculate, you may feel like you need to pee; you can dissipate this fear by knowing you just went. Also G-spot stimulation can cause bladder infections in some women; you can help to prevent this by urinating before and after you play. If you feel the sensation of having to pee when you come, bear down to release the ejaculate. Please note that this can be a very wet ordeal. You may want to have towels close by.

You can stimulate your own G-spot with your fingers or a firm dildo. Some dildos are curved especially to reach the G-spot. Your partner can stimulate your G-spot with a hand or a dildo. Tell your partner where the sensation feels most intense and what you want. Many woman also like to have their clitoris stimulated at the same time. Try touching your clit, having your partner touch you, or using a vibrator while your G-spot is being stimulated.

> > I have learned how to ejaculate. It took patience and time. It was actually a great way to get to know my genitals and sexual responses. It is wet and fun…kind of intense in a different way.
>
> Daren


Input:
 Write a section for the chapter titled "Hands and Fisting" that includes the following:

* Define fisting and explain that it does not involve any aggression or violence.
* Explain the pliability and sturdiness of the vaginal membrane and its ability to accommodate a whole hand.
* Discuss the importance of relaxation, trust, and high sexual arousal for the receiver.
* Mention the benefits of ongoing clitoral stimulation during fisting.
* Share experiences from survivors who have had emotional releases during fisting.
* Provide step-by-step instructions for fisting, including the use of water-based lubricant and the importance of the receiver being in charge.
* Include reminders to communicate, relax, and go slowly.
* Emphasize the importance of respect and vulnerability during fisting.
* Include quotes from individuals who enjoy fisting.

Response:
##  Hands and Fisting

Lots of folks get freaked out at the idea of fisting. The term fisting can sound aggressive or violent when taken out of context. But it simply refers to inserting a whole hand into the vagina. Fisting has nothing to do with punching the vagina. The term comes from the fact that once a hand is fully inserted, it naturally curls up into an fist, given the amount of room available.

Believe it? Well, it is not so hard to believe when you know womens anatomy. Vaginal membrane is extremely pliable and sturdy. After all, whole babies pass through there. Think back to the information in chapter 5 on womens sexual response cycle. When a woman is sexually aroused, the vaginal walls open and lubricate, and the uterus lifts upward, creating a large ballooned area at the end of the vaginal passage near the cervix. There is enough space in there for a hand (depending, of course, upon both the size of the hand and the womans anatomy).

Fisting requires relaxation and trust on the receivers end—plus a high degree of sexual arousal. It usually helps to have ongoing clitoral stimulation while fisting. Fisting is an intense sensation by most accounts. Many survivors report a response similar to that caused by G-spot stimulation, with the release of trauma and emotions.

> > The first time my lover and I were successful at fisting, I cried and cried. It wasnt that it hurt, or caused any particular emotional pain. It felt like a release, almost a relief really.
>
> Stephanie

Here are the how-tos of fisting: Get out your water-based lubricant, and play sexually until you are well aroused. (Remember: never use oil-based lubricant in the vagina.) Insert fingers one or two at a time until there is plenty of room for all four. The idea is to make your hand as skinny as possible. Tuck your thumb into the fold of your fingers and fold the two sides of your hand as close together as possible. Your knuckles should face the posterior or back side of the vaginal passage.

The partner being fisted is in charge all the way. Listen to her words and her body. If you are being fisted, communicate and above all, relax. Bring your breath into your pelvis and let it relax and open. Go slowly. If you are doing the fisting, let your partner slowly press down onto your hand.

Getting the width of the knuckles through the narrow passage of your pelvic bones is the part where most first-timers turn back. Use lots of lube. I could say that five more times. When you are ready, your partner can ease his or her knuckles inside by slowly rotating the hand past the pubic bone. For the fistee, this is a good time to take a deep breath and exhale with the entrance. This may be painful until you find the proper route through. Some folks twist in, turning the hand palm up once they are in. The fisters hand will curl up into a fistlike shape; thus the name. Stop if any part is too painful. Once in, you can slowly turn the hand, move it gently up and down, or gently move in and out.

> > I discovered that my greatest pleasure is in fisting. I love to have my hand inside
>  a womans vagina, to feel everything she feels. I love to take her inside of me.
>  To feel filled, overwhelmed by the fucking.
>
>
> Max

Fisting can be incredibly intimate and evoke vulnerably in both you and your partner. Respect this in your play.


Input:
 Write a section for a chapter on vaginal penetration that includes the following:

* Emphasize the importance of communication and exploration during vaginal penetration.
* Provide a list of suggestions for vaginal penetration, including gentle tugging at pubic hairs, placing a hand over the vulva, lightly tapping or slapping the vulva, tracing the opening of the vagina with fingers, using condoms, and running the head of the penis or dildo around the vulva.
* Include instructions for moving the hips in steady and circular motions.
* Suggest having the partner insert fingers and twist and turn their hand while thrusting.
* Encourage entering the vagina shallowly and deeply.
* Recommend stimulating the G-spot with a "come-hither" motion.
* Advise looking at the partner and moving the body, breathing, and relaxing during vaginal penetration.

Response:
#  The How-tos of Vaginal Penetration

There is so much more to vaginal penetration than athletic thrusting, though once aroused, many women love to be penetrated deeply and firmly. Tell your partner what feels best, or ask her what she likes. Remember to communicate and enjoy the exploration.

Whether youre receiving your lovers penis or dildo, or penetrating your female partner, the following are some places to begin. You can share these suggestions with your partner or try them out yourself:

> • Tug gently at the pubic hairs.

> • Put your whole hand over her vulva; feel the heat and pressure.

> • Lightly tap or slap the vulva with your hand.

> • Snap on a glove, grab the lube, and trace the opening of her vagina with your fingers.

> • Put a condom on your partners penis—or invite your partner to put a condom on your dildo.

> • Run the head of the penis or dildo all around the vulva without entering.

> • Enter the vagina only an inch or two, and move in and out.

> • Move your hips in a steady motion, then move in circles.

> • Have your partner insert two or three fingers into your vagina, and twist and turn his or her hand while thrusting.

> • Enter the vagina shallowly and then deeply.

> • Put your fingers into her vagina and stimulate her G-spot with a "come-hither" motion.

> • Look at your partner.

> • Move your body, breathe, and relax.


Input:
  Write a section for a chapter on anal penetration that includes the following:

* Acknowledge the growing acceptance and popularity of anal sex.
* Provide quotes from individuals discussing their experiences with anal sex.
* Emphasize the importance of using water-based lubricant and relaxation during anal penetration.
* Explain that the person on the receiving end should control the speed and depth of penetration.
* Encourage communication between partners during anal sex.
* Suggest various methods of anal penetration, including fingers, hands, penises, and sex toys such as dildos or butt plugs.
* Warn against poking the anus and instead recommend stroking the opening with the pad of the finger.
* Advise the use of flanged sex toys to prevent them from slipping into the anal canal.
* Address concerns about cleanliness during anal sex and suggest methods for cleaning the anal area before engaging in anal sex, such as using an enema or washing with soapy water.
* Discuss dietary considerations for practicing anal sex, including avoiding hot or spicy foods and small seeds.
* Mention the practice of anal fisting or handballing, its sensitivity, and the importance of learning from someone with experience.

Response:
#  Anal Penetration

Anal sex is coming into its own these days. While historically it has found its place on the kinky side of the ledger, anal sex is becoming mainstream. At Good Vibrations, I was initially surprised by how many people came in seeking anal sex information and toys. Both men and women were looking for ways to enjoy their butts.

> > I find anal sex warm and intense. I get embarrassed talking about it, given the stigma, but Im getting braver.
>
> MB
>
>> I fantasize about anal sex and love it when my lovers touch me there. I cant ask for it yet, though. I am too embarrassed and it brings up memories of my stepfather.
>
> Laura

The anus is a sensitive and nerve-packed area, and it can offer you an enjoyable addition to your sexual pleasure. When playing with the anus, it is important to follow a couple of rules. Always use water-based lubricant for anal penetration. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own lubrication. To protect the sensitive skin within the anal canal, and to make the experience enjoyable for the recipient, you must use lubrication. Relax. Anal sex will not be successful if you are tense. Breathe. Let the muscles around your butt and pelvis relax.

When practicing anal sex, the person on the receiving end should control the speed and depth of penetration. Communicate with your partner about how its going.

You can enjoy anal penetration with fingers and hands, with a penis, or with sex toys, such as a dildo or butt plug. Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, writes, "Never poke the anus; instead, stroke the opening with the pad of your finger." Ease your way inside the anus by caressing the opening with your finger. The sphincter muscles will automatically close if you try to penetrate by poking straight into the anus.

If you are using anything other than what is attached to your body to penetrate the ass—like a dildo or butt plug—make sure it is flanged at the bottom. This means that the bottom of the toy widens into a broad base to prevent it from slipping up into the anal canal and beyond. Unlike the vaginal canal, the anus leads right into the body. An unflanged toy could slip up into the large intestines. This is very painful and dangerous, not to mention embarrassing, and can result in a trip to the nearest emergency room.

Again, many people are concerned about cleanliness when practicing anal sex. Before engaging in anal sex you can wash yourself with soapy water or use an enema to cleanse the anal canal. If you are planning to have anal sex, be careful about what you eat. Stay away from hot or spicy foods and small seeds, like those on strawberries or in kiwis. These are not digested and can scrape the sensitive lining of the anal area.

Some people also practice anal fisting, or handballing, which takes great care because of the sensitivity of the membrane lining the anal canal. The process is similar to vaginal fisting. If you are interested in anal fisting, read up on anal sex and anal anatomy first. It is best to learn from someone with experience.


Input:
 Write a section for the chapter on male prostate stimulation that includes the following:

* Explain that the prostate gland can be stimulated through anal penetration (refer to the previous chapter on the prostate for more information).
* Discuss the pleasure that many men find in prostate stimulation, while acknowledging that it may be too intense or painful for some men.
* Provide instructions on how to reach the prostate, such as inserting a finger or toy about three inches into the anus and pressing toward the front of the body using a come-hither motion.

Response:
##  Male Prostate

In men, the prostate gland can be stimulated through anal penetration (see chapter 5 for more on the prostate). Many men find prostate stimulation very pleasurable, though, as with G-spot stimulation in women, it may be too intense or painful for some men. The prostate can be reached by inserting a finger or toy about three inches into the anus and pressing toward the front of the body, using that old come-hither motion again.


Input:
 Write a section for the chapter on anal penetration that includes the following:

* Emphasize the importance of communication and care during anal penetration due to the fragility of the anus and rectum.
* Recommend using a slender dildo for beginners, and stress the importance of using lots of lubricant.
* Suggest ways to prevent anal bacteria from entering the vagina.
* Provide a list of suggestions for both the person penetrating and the person being penetrated, such as tugging at pubic hairs, caressing the genitals, and using fingers to become familiar with the body.
* Offer advice on the best techniques for anal penetration, such as using a sweeping motion instead of poking, ensuring the partner is well aroused before insertion, and communicating about depth and speed.
* Encourage the use of condoms during anal penetration and remind the reader to relax, move, and breathe.

Response:
#  The How-tos of Anal Penetration

Anal penetration requires even more communication than other sexual activities. The anus and rectum are fragile. Approach with care. If you prefer toys to fingers or a penis, pick a slender dildo for starters. Remember to use a lot of lubricant for anal play. And keep anal bacteria out of the vagina. You can place a bunched-up a sheet or towel over the vagina to catch any drips of lube if you are being penetrated from behind.

Whether youre penetrating your partner or receiving your lovers penis or dildo, the following are some ideas to try. You can share these suggestions with your partner or try them out yourself:

> • Tug at his or her pubic hairs.

> • Caress your partners genitals, thighs, and butt.

> • Use your fingers to become familiar with your partners body.

> • Snap on a glove, grab the lube, and trace the opening of the anus with your fingers.

> • Massage the opening of the anus.

> • Make sure your partner is well aroused and open before you insert a finger or toy.

> • Use a sweeping motion to enter; dont poke.

> • Stimulate the clitoris or stroke the penis as you play.

> • Put a condom on your partners penis or dildo.

> • Run the head of your penis or dildo all around the opening without entering.

> • Enter slowly; let your partner guide you.

> • Penetrate slowly at first. Communicate about the depth and speed.

> • Relax, move, and breathe.


Input:
 Write a section for the chapter on safer penetration that includes the following:

* Explain the risk of exchanging bodily fluids during penetration, highlighting that semen, pre-come, and menstrual blood have the highest concentration of HIV.
* Clarify that the risk factor for contact with vaginal secretions is fairly low.
* Warn that anal penetration often causes tiny tears in the sensitive anal tissues, which can allow for the transmission of blood and other bodily fluids.
* Emphasize the importance of practicing anal sex safely with latex barriers.
* Provide instructions on how to practice safer sex during vaginal penetration, including using a condom on a partner's penis or dildo, or a latex glove on a partner's hand.
* Offer tips on how to use condoms effectively, such as using water-based lubricant in the tip and holding onto the tip when putting on the condom to prevent air from being trapped.
* Mention that there are condoms made of alternative materials for those allergic to latex.
* Explain that lambskin condoms are not effective for preventing the transmission of HIV.
* Provide instructions on how to use latex gloves, including getting a size that fits snugly and using water-based lube.
* Remind the reader not to bring a toy or hand from the anus back to the vulva without washing it first, or replacing the glove or condom, to prevent the spread of bacteria.

Response:
#  Safer Penetration

As with oral sex, you can exchange many bodily fluids through penetration. Semen, including pre-come, and blood from menstruation are two of the bodily fluids with the highest concentration of HIV. The risk factor for contact with vaginal secretions (no blood) is fairly low. Anal penetration often causes tiny tears in the sensitive anal tissues, allowing for the transmission of blood and other bodily fluids. If you practice anal sex, practice it safely with latex barriers.

To practice safer sex during vaginal penetration, use a condom on your partners penis or dildo, or a latex glove on your partners hand. Again, using a bit of water-based lubricant in the tip of the condom will help it slide and increase stimulation. Remember to hold onto the tip as you put on the condom to prevent air from being trapped at the tip, which can cause breakage. There are condoms made of alternative materials for those allergic to latex. Lambskin condoms are not effective for preventing the transmission of HIV.

When using latex gloves, get a size that fits you snugly. This will increase the sensitivity. Slather the glove with water-based lube and you are set to go.

Just another reminder regarding your genital health: Do not bring a toy or hand from the anus back to the vulva without washing it first, or replacing the glove or condom. The bacteria from the anal area can cause an infection in the vagina.