Input:
Q: Who holds the copyright to the book?
A: Janet W. Hardy holds the copyright to the book, as indicated by the copyright notice at the beginning of the section.

Q: What are the restrictions on reproducing the book?
A: According to the copyright notice, no part of the book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher. This includes photocopying, recording, or by information storage or retrieval system.

Q: Are there any exceptions to the reproduction restrictions?
A: Brief passages may be quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews.

Q: Where did some portions of the book originally appear?
A: Portions of the book appeared previously in "The Compleat Spanker" and "The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning", both from Greenery Press.

Q: Who created the cover of the book?
A: Johnny Ink created the cover of the book, as indicated by the credit line "Cover by Johnny Ink" and the website listed.

Q: Who created the interior illustrations of the book?
A: Barbara OToole created the interior illustrations of the book, as indicated by the credit line "Cover and interior illustrations by Barbara OToole."

Q: Who published the book?
A: Greenery Press, a division of SCB Distributors, published the book. The address of the publisher is Gardena, CA 90248.

Q: What is the color that the author describes the butt turning during a spanking?
A: The author describes the butt turning pink early in a spanking.

Q: What is the comparison the author makes about the pinkening of the butt?
A: The author compares the pinkening of the butt early in a spanking to the flush many people experience on their faces, chests and bottoms during sexual arousal.

Q: What is the author's view on the coincidence of the similarity between the pinkening of the butt and sexual flush?
A: The author does not think it is a coincidence, as indicated by the sentence "Coincidence? I dont think so."

Q: What might the author be implying about the relationship between spanking and sexual arousal?
A: The author might be implying that there is a connection between spanking and sexual arousal, as indicated by the comparison of the pinkening of the butt to the flush experienced during sexual arousal.

Response:
© 2015 by Janet W. Hardy

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Portions of this book appeared previously in _The Compleat Spanker_ and _The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning_ , both from Greenery Press, and used with permission.

Cover by Johnny Ink, www.johnnyink.com.

Cover and interior illustrations by Barbara OToole.

Published by Greenery Press, a division of SCB Distributors, Gardena, CA 90248.

The pinkening of the butt early in a spanking resembles the flush many people experience on their faces, chests and bottoms during sexual arousal. Coincidence? I dont think so.


Input:
 Q: What is the title of this section?
A: The title of this section is "Table of Contents."

Q: What does this section provide the reader?
A: This section provides the reader with an overview of the book's chapters and topics.

Q: How many chapters does the book have?
A: The book has 14 chapters.

Q: What is the title of chapter 1?
A: The title of chapter 1 is "Spanking and Me."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 1?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 1 include how this book came about, the author's biases, and who spanks.

Q: What is the title of chapter 2?
A: The title of chapter 2 is "Who Spanks?"

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 2?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 2 include whether spanking is sex, whether spanking is BDSM, and ways to use spanking.

Q: What is the title of chapter 3?
A: The title of chapter 3 is "Why Do We Like Spanking?"

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 3?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 3 include the physiology of spanking, the psychology of spanking, and spanking as transcendence.

Q: What is the title of chapter 4?
A: The title of chapter 4 is "Anatomy of a Spankee."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 4?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 4 include marks.

Q: What is the title of chapter 5?
A: The title of chapter 5 is "Communication and Mood."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 5?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 5 include straightforward verbal communication, "one to ten," safewords, and role-playing.

Q: What is the title of chapter 6?
A: The title of chapter 6 is "Spanking Fantasies."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 6?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 6 include "losing scenes" and "winning scenes."

Q: What is the title of chapter 7?
A: The title of chapter 7 is "For Bottoms."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 7?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 7 include pain processing and taking care of your hide.

Q: What is the title of chapter 8?
A: The title of chapter 8 is "Stages of a Scene."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 8?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 8 include warmup, turn-ons, skin-watching, and aftercare.

Q: What is the title of chapter 9?
A: The title of chapter 9 is "Implements."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 9?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 9 include aim, hands, paddles, straps, birch rods, floggers and other multi-tailed implements, canes, crops, switches and the like.

Q: What is the title of chapter 10?
A: The title of chapter 10 is "Positions."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 10?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 10 include weight on the feet, partially supported positions, and fully supported positions.

Q: What is the title of chapter 11?
A: The title of chapter 11 is "Spanking Relationships."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 11?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 11 include the Spencer plan (cooperative domestic discipline), "head of household" domestic discipline, and goal-oriented discipline.

Q: What is the title of chapter 12?
A: The title of chapter 12 is "Troubleshooting."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 12?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 12 include emotional crises, physical injuries, and health concerns.

Q: What is the title of chapter 13?
A: The title of chapter 13 is "Tips, Tricks and Fun Things to Try."

Q: What are some subtopics covered in chapter 13?
A: Some subtopics covered in chapter 13 include getting wet, chemical heat, nettles, mixing spanking with other sensations, and games people play.

Q: What is the title of chapter 14?
A: The title of chapter 14 is "Conclusion."

Q: What are some appendices included in the book?
A: Some appendices included in the book are Appendix A: Finding Others, Appendix B: Cleaning Spanking Implements, Appendix C: Combining Bondage With Spanking, and Appendix D: Some Special Notes on Caning.

Q: What are some illustrations included in the book?
A: Illustrations appear on pages vi, 19, 26, 38, 47, 56, 70, 76, 90 and 149.

Response:
Table of Contents

1.Spanking and Me

How this Book Came About

My Biases

2.Who Spanks?

Is Spanking Sex?

Is Spanking BDSM?

Ways to Use Spanking

3.Why Do We Like Spanking?

The Physiology of Spanking

The Psychology of Spanking

Spanking as Transcendence

Whats In It for Tops?

Some Thoughts About Making It "Real"

4.Anatomy of a Spankee

Marks

5.Communication and Mood

Straightforward verbal communication

"One to Ten"

Safewords

Role-playing

6.Spanking Fantasies

"Losing Scenes"

"Winning Scenes"

7.For Bottoms

Pain Processing

Taking Care of Your Hide

8.Stages of a Scene

Warmup

Turn-ons

Skin-Watching

Aftercare

9.Implements

Aim

Hands

Paddles

Straps

Birch Rods

Floggers and Other Multi-Tailed Implements

Canes, Crops, Switches and the Like

10.Positions

Weight on the Feet

Partially Supported Positions

Fully Supported

11.Spanking Relationships

The Spencer Plan (Cooperative Domestic Discipline)

"Head of Household" Domestic Discipline

Goal-Oriented Discipline

Maintaining Perspective

12.Troubleshooting

Emotional Crises

Physical Injuries

Health Concerns

13.Tips, Tricks and Fun Things to Try

Get Wet

Chemical Heat

Nettles

"Hey, keep it down in there!"

Mixing Spanking With Other Sensations

Games People Play

Plug Em Up

Masturbation During Spanking

Spanking During Intercourse or Strap-on Play

The Crying Game

Invite a Friend

14.Conclusion

Appendix A: Finding Others

Appendix B: Cleaning Spanking Implements

Appendix C: Combining Bondage With Spanking

Appendix D: Some Special Notes on Caning

The Glamor of the Cane

The Craft of Caning

Symmetry

Sting/Thud

Pacing

Types of Canes

Natural Materials

Manmade Materials

Some Special Caning Techniques

Resource Guide

Illustrations appear on pages vi, 19, 26, 38, 47, 56, 70, 76, 90 and 149.


Input: Prompt: Write an introduction to a book about spanking, focusing on the author's personal experiences and biases. Include details about the author's earliest memories of spanking fantasies, their journey to accepting and exploring this interest, and their experiences spanking and being spanked by various people. Discuss the inspiration for writing the book and the author's biases regarding consent, mind-altering substances, and spanking children. Emphasize the importance of consent and responsible, adult spanking play between partners.

Response:
1\. Spanking and Me

**ONE OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES IS OF** sitting at the circus with my parents – I must have been four or so – and wondering what it would feel like to be spanked by the strong man.

Obviously, my spanking fantasies go back a long way. I can hardly remember having any sexual fantasies at all that didnt include some form of spanking. And even today, although my interests have expanded to take in many other forms of consensual erotic play, spanking remains my first love.

Yet it took me a very long time to come to terms with this interest. Like many women, I found it easy to deny to myself that the fascinating thoughts and images that crowded my mind were sexual in nature. (Women, unlike men, cannot look down to gauge a phallic barometer of sexual arousal.) Thus, I was approaching thirty by the time I recognized that my spanking thoughts were actually sex fantasies.1

And it took me even longer to recognize that lots of other people shared my interest. At the time – well before the popularization of the Internet – I was living a relatively conservative life in a small West Coast city, with little exposure to erotic literature or photographs, and no access to the resources available in larger cities. And since my fantasies, like many other folks, were about nonconsensual spanking, I didnt realize that there were ways to act them out within the context of friendly and consensual sex play.

But eventually, the truth began to seep in: I was one of thousands, maybe tens or even hundreds of thousands, of people who had erotic connections with the act of spanking or being spanked. Suddenly, I began to see that I was virtually surrounded by spanking fans.

That was several decades ago. I began looking for and finding people to spank – and, later, people to spank me. I have spanked and been spanked by hundreds of people – male and female and in between, gay and straight and bi. Ive used hands and paddles and hairbrushes and canes and birches and floggers and straps, and had them used on me. Ive participated in light spankings that barely pinkened the skin, and heavy ones that left the backside bruised for weeks. And I think I can safely say that Ive enjoyed every single one of them.

How this Book Came About

Previous editions of this book were published as _The Compleat Spanker,_ under the pen name Lady Green – a name I began using when my children were still minors. Now that theyre older than many of my readers, Im writing under the name on my birth certificate, Janet W. Hardy. (Appendix D, "Some Thoughts On Caning," appeared in modified form in my book _The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning,_ written under my own name.)

Many texts on kink, and even some standard lovemaking texts, include information on erotic spanking. But I believe that spanking – by which I mean striking the buttocks and sometimes upper thighs with a hand or other implement – deserves a text of its own. Spanking is a precise craft, with exciting rewards. It carries less risk than many of the other activities people do for erotic fun, but it is far from completely safe.1

Furthermore, I recognize that many people who enjoy the idea of erotic spanking dont consider themselves to be into the kink scene, and thus may never look at the many excellent books on that topic. So this volume will, I hope, provide them with the information they need to practice safe and erotic spanking play.

My Biases

I wont pretend to be completely open-minded about anything that involves smacking an ass. My biggest prejudice, of course, is against nonconsensual spanking. If you are reading this book looking for support for your practice of spanking a partner without their consent, youre out of luck; I believe nonconsensual spanking to be abusive behavior (and it is certainly assault, as defined by law).1

If you are spanking someone against their will, or being spanked against your will, contact your local hotline for battering or battered partners immediately. (Contact information is listed in the Resource Guide at the back of this book.)

Mind-altering substances muddy the edges of consent: we all know that people sometimes do things under the influence of drugs and alcohol that they would not do sober. The morning-after of combining substances with spanking can involve a lot more consequences than a simple hangover. Some people choose never to involve an intoxicant in their spanking play, while others find that they can manage a very small amount of alcohol or mild drugs while playing. Know your own limitations and keep within them.

And I hope it goes without saying that spanking, like a fine brandy, is too rich and intoxicating a treat for children. I do not believe in spanking children, either as punishment, or, of course, erotically. Please keep your adult spanking play between adults: do not spank, or be spanked by, anyone who is not of the age of consent in your state.

Dont worry – theres still plenty of hot, realistic spanking fun to be had between consenting adults who follow these guidelines! With love, creativity, skill and perhaps a few carefully selected toys, you have a lifetime of amazing sensations and astonishing emotional experiences ahead of you.

1Some of us are just a little slow, I guess.

1If you know of an erotic activity that IS 100% safe, Id be interested in hearing about it.

1Some people in spanking/domestic discipline relationships practice "blanket consent," in which the recipient consents to being spanked when the spanker thinks it appropriate. Such agreements work fine…until they dont (which may never happen). If you want to try for this kind of relationship, I suggest working up to it slowly and building in some way to communicate genuine distress. Ill discuss these issues at greater length in Chapter 11, "Spanking Relationships."


Input: Prompt: Write a section for a book about spanking that discusses who engages in spanking, the normalcy of erotic spanking, and its relationship to power imbalance. Address the question of whether spanking is a form of sexual activity or BDSM, and provide examples of different types of spankings and their purposes. Discuss the various ways that spanking can be used and enjoyed, both within and outside of the context of BDSM. Include references to popular culture and literature that feature spanking.

Response:
2\. Who Spanks?

**A** **_LOT_** **OF PEOPLE ARE EROTICALLY ATTUNED** to spanking. So many, in fact, that snickering references to erotic spanking have become a mainstay of television (Ive counted spanking jokes and scenes on _Night Court, Taxi, Weeds, Community, Ally McBeal, Frasier, Outlander_ and several others, and I dont watch much TV!). In less self-conscious times, spanking offered harmless titillation to generations of moviegoers (John Waynes _McClintock!_ is notorious) and readers (more than a few pre-Code comic books featured a comely moll getting walloped by a stern superhero). Im also told that the less inhibited brand of romance novel1 often features threatened or real spankings of the heroine. I wonder how many women have been awakened to their own spanking interests by such literature?2

So, when I hear someone ask the question "Is erotic spanking normal?" Im a bit torn. If these people are asking "Is an interest in erotic spanking a statistical norm?" the answer is probably "No," but its not highly unusual either. If, as is more likely, theyre asking "But isnt it necessarily sick to want to give or receive pain?" I have an easier answer: No, it isnt.

The experience of pleasant pain is familiar to many, perhaps most, people. (Not you? Think again: ever enjoyed the pleasant muscle ache of a good days exercise, or the challenging burn of a spicy curry?) Many more, although they may not be consciously aware of it, also have some experience with erotically arousing pain: biting, scratching, pinching, mild hair-pulling and hickeys have an honored place in many folks sexual repertoire. If seeking out and/or eroticizing pain is sick, then its a sickness about as rare as the common cold.

Many of the "isnt it sick?" group seem to be particularly upset by the power imbalance implicit in spanking. After all, spanking is most often something done by a parent to a child, as a means of controlling the childs behavior and reinforcing the parents authority.

This is a trickier concern to answer. Its worth remembering, however, that many people enjoy erotic role-playing of various kinds, and that many of those games (coach and athlete, pirate and captive, teacher and student, owner and slave, assailant and victim) include a pretended disparity in power. This enjoyment in no way means that the roles must extend into the day-to-day reality of the relationship. Nor is it true that a relationship with a consensual disparity of power is necessarily unhealthy, as long as both partners needs for satisfaction and personal growth are being met.1

So, in case you hadnt figured it out by now, I dont believe that the desire to spank or be spanked is by definition sick. → I do think its possible for those desires to become so overwhelming or obsessive that they can constitute a sickness. Certainly, if your spanking interest:

•is interfering with your ability to do your work or maintain healthy relationships with your romantic partner, friends and/or family

•is being expressed in a nonconsensual, bullying or abusive manner, or causing you to risk abuse or assault

•is leading you to feel deeply guilty, ashamed, isolated or afraid

•is causing you to spend more money than you can afford, or obsessing you to the point where you have trouble thinking about anything else

…then it may be time to get help in making spanking a more realistic and enjoyable part of your life. Check the Resource Guide in the back of this book for ideas about how and where to find such help.

Is Spanking Sex?

The answer to that question depends largely on the desires of the partners involved.

I feel fairly safe in saying that for most of you reading this, yes, spanking is sexual in nature.1 A few of the luckiest of you may be able to reach orgasm from spanking alone. Many others will use spanking as foreplay to more traditional sexual play such as intercourse or oral sex.

Yet there is a small subset of spanking fans out there who have no conscious erotic connection to the act of spanking or being spanked at all. They may simply be sensation junkies, interested in testing their own abilities and exploring the outer edges of tolerable stimuli. Or they may use spanking as part of a lifestyle in which one person consensually gives another1 the right to control his or her behavior, using spanking as a form of discipline when the misbehaving partner goes astray – they may, of course, eroticize controlling or being controlled, even if they dont eroticize the actual spanking.

Is Spanking BDSM?

This is a hotly controversial question among spanking circles. Ive heard people state that their spanking interest is not BDSM because "I dont enjoy the sensation of the spanking; I just like having my behavior controlled." Many people in the BDSM community would say exactly the same. Enjoyment of pain is far from universal among BDSM players; some accept the pain as a symbol of their devotion to their dominant, others accept it as a means of having their behavior controlled, and still others wont accept pain at all.

Ive also heard spanking people reject the idea that what they do is BDSM because they are turned off by many of the outward symbols worn by some kinksters: the leather, the studs, the handcuffs, and so on. While these symbols are obvious means of publicly identifying oneself as into BDSM, they are far from universal. A great many BDSM people seldom if ever wear or use such stuff (its expensive and uncomfortable). If you were to attend a meeting of a BDSM club, you would see a few people dressed in the traditional black leather uniform, a few dressed as though they were on their way home from the office (because they are), a few dressed in jeans and sweatshirts, a few in costumes and drag, and quite a few miscellaneous types. (Important note: A fair number of attendees at the typical BDSM club or party are interested primarily or exclusively in spanking, and some have very high-level skills in this area.)

Finally, I think many spankers assume that BDSM play is by definition heavier than spanking play.1 Not so. BDSM can be very light, teasing and erotic; spanking play can be very intense, painful and risky. (The reverse can, of course, also be true.) I suggest you define your interests by explaining what level of intensity you like, and not by relying on distinctions that may or may not exist.

The domestic discipline community in particular generally defines itself as separate from the BDSM world. Although the techniques used are the same, I do think there are significant cultural differences between the two groups: the primary one is that BDSM teachings usually advise against bringing "real world" stuff into play, whereas domestic discipline is often specifically about punishment for genuine malfeasance on the spankees part. Either approach can work, but I do think there are some special emotional risks involved in bringing real world issues into spanking play.2

You get to choose how to identify: as a spanker and/or spankee only, or as part of the larger community of BDSMers. A lot of the information youll read in this book is gleaned from the collective experience of BDSM players as well as spankophiles. While you may or may not ever desire to explore any form of erotic power exchange besides spanking, or to involve yourself in the BDSM community as a whole, please do not close yourself off from many decades of experience, knowledge and possibilities.

Ways to Use Spanking

One domestic discipline website I visited,1 which Ive paraphrased here, lists ten different types of spankings:

•Good girl/boy spankings, to be used as a reward

•Erotic spankings, to be used as foreplay and/or sexual stimulation

•Stress relief spankings, to be used cathartically

•Introductory disciplinary spankings, a ritual at the beginning of a discipline relationship to reinforce the new relationship dynamic and to learn the spankees emotional and physical reaction to discipline

•Pre-emptive discipline, given to ensure proper behavior

•Submission spankings, given simply because the spanker feels like it

•Maintenance spankings, to be given as a reminder of the relationship dynamic and also to fulfill the spankees spanking desires so that they dont need to act out in order to get spanked

•Punishment spankings, to be given in retribution for bad behavior. I actually think it is more accurate to think of these as "atonement spankings," in which the spankee submits to the spanking to demonstrate their regret for the misbehavior and to show that they are willing to endure the spanking in order to be forgiven.

•"Short sharp shock" spankings, given to interrupt bad behavior before it has a chance to gather momentum

•"Transformational" spankings, used within the context of Christian domestic discipline, which appear to me from the websites description to cross the line into abuse

And this very comprehensive list doesnt include ordeal spankings, role-played spankings and several other kinds I can think of! I think its safe to say that there are almost as many ways and reasons to spank as there are spankers and spankees.

1Recently, of course, "50 Shades of Grey" and its sequels have awakened nascent spanking fantasies in millions of readers.

2Im not a romance novel fan myself, but some readers suggestions are listed in the Resource Guide.

1For much more information about the ways in which spanking and other forms of consensual power play can enhance lives and relationships, please check out "The New Topping Book" and "The New Bottoming Book," by my coauthor Dossie Easton and me.

1The author Staci Newmahr has coined the phrase "sexually relevant," to talk about activities that are not genitally sexual but nevertheless plug into participants erotic selves. Its a useful one.

1Or, occasionally, both (or all) partners give this right to one another.

1"Heavy" is jargon for physically or emotionally intense.

2More about this in Chapter 11, "Spanking Relationships."

1"Cs Loving Domestic Discipline Blog," rncblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/different-types-of-spanking.html


Input: Prompt: Write a section for a book about spanking that delves into the reasons why people enjoy spanking, both from the perspective of the spankee and the top. Discuss the physiological and psychological aspects of spanking, including the release of endorphins and the fulfillment of emotional needs and fantasies. Provide examples of different types of spankees, such as masochists, submissives, brats, and those who seek catharsis or an ordeal. Also, explore the rewards for the top, such as empathy, expression of hidden aspects of their personality, and the erotic appeal of spanking. Finally, touch on the topic of making spanking scenes feel more "real" and the potential risks and considerations involved.

Response:
3\. Why Do We Like Spanking?

**WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT GETTING** whacked on the butt? For that matter, whats so great about whacking someone?

There are probably almost as many answers to these questions as there are spanking fans. Masochists, submissives, "babies," brats, "kidz," "puppies," and more enjoy getting spanked. Masters and mistresses, sadists, coaches, governesses, "mommies" and "daddies," trainers, shamans, and more enjoy doing the spanking. You probably share your particular motivations and fantasies with many other spankophiles, but your unique pattern of needs, desires and experiences is yours alone.

The Physiology of Spanking

Much of the motivation behind getting spanked is physiological: some aspects of spanking create body responses that can be sexual, erotic or simply pleasant.

I dont think many people get into spanking in order to seek out these responses – I think their fantasies (or their partners fantasies) lead them to try spanking, and then they discover the physiological stuff as an added benefit. Some spankees may come to the point where they no longer need or want the context of the fantasy, but just enjoy the physical sensations of the spanking. Others go on preferring to act out the emotional/role-playing aspects that surround the spanking play.

For a lot of people, the physical sensations of spanking simply turn us on sexually. While Ill discuss the physiology of this phenomenon in Chapter 4, "Anatomy of a Spankee," theres also some neurochemistry involved. It has to do, ironically, with the bodys mechanisms for protecting you from intense sensation.

When you receive a sound spanking, or any other intense physical or emotional stimulus, your brain releases a flood of neurochemicals, which laymen usually call, generically, "endorphins." (The word is a compound of "endogenous," meaning naturally occurring in the body, and "morphine" – endorphins are chemically quite similar to that drug.) These naturally occurring substances reduce the pain and induce a state of mind that makes you feel drifty, giggly, serene, and/or just plain happy.

Quite a few people engage in endorphin-seeking behavior: some ride roller coasters, some eat hot chilies, some run marathons, and some get their butts tanned. While I dont think too many people engage in spanking purely to get the endorphin rush, its a very nice side benefit – some folks find it helps calm their minds, crystallize their thinking, and reduce their stress level for several days after the scene ends.

The Psychology of Spanking

If all the rewards of spanking were physical, wed simply smack our own butts.1 However, for most of us, spanking is more about our emotions – a way to re-create in the real world one of the deeply personal scripts that help make us who we are and that structure the way we relate to others. Often, these scripts describe someone who were not allowed to be in the real world: the defiant brat, the acquiescent submissive, the dependent child…or the strict parent, the cruel captor, the brusque owner. Within the protected boundaries of the spanking scene, we act out the roles that meet our most profound, most secret needs.

For many spankees, the script of spanking has to do with being _controlled_. They may or may not like the physical pain of being spanked, but they do like knowing that their spanker is administering the spanking as a symbol of her control.

Some control-oriented spankees identify as _brats._ Their style is defiant, insolent, resistant – they like the game that one of my friends calls "Ill pump it up, you take it down." Brat play often includes lots of little disobediences and impudences, which are designed to culminate in the top rolling up their sleeves and saying, in one way or another, "Thats it, young lady [or young man], youve been asking for this."

Brat scenes – which are closely related to the energy BDSMers call "SAM," for "smart-assed masochist" – can be a lot of fun, but they require particularly good boundaries and communication between the partners. Its a very bad idea to push a brat scene so far that the top genuinely loses their temper, or feels that they are being rejected or put down. It is particularly important in brat play for both top and bottom1 to have safewords, and to be willing to use them if anybody begins to feel that things have gotten too intense, anger-provoking, unsafe, or otherwise real.

Other control-oriented spankees are _submissives._ For these folks, spanking is something they accept because they know that giving a spanking pleases their dominant, or because their dominant has decided that they require one in order to shape their behavior. They are rarely resistant or mouthy; instead, they get their script from gamely doing their best to please.

If the cardinal weakness of brats is pushiness, a submissives weakness can often be passivity. If you or your partner is submissive, be sure to check in often, outside the special world of the spanking scene, to be sure everyones needs are getting met. A submissive may need a particularly large amount of reassurance that they are indeed pleasing their dominant – especially if they have had to safeword1 or otherwise express a limit.

Many spankees enjoy the _catharsis_ of spanking. For a lot of folks, spanking offers an opportunity to release the pent-up angers, fears and frustrations which real life inevitably entails. While few people have the opportunity to rage, struggle, beg or cry in the outside world, the protected environment of a good spanking scene is a rare and magical place to let go of stuffed emotion, safe in the knowledge that our tops strength will contain us, that we will harm nobody, and that we will still be loved after we release this difficult stuff.

Catharsis can be scary for all concerned: pity the poor top who thought he was just administering a nice simple straightforward spanking, and who suddenly has to contain and comfort a sobbing, incoherent wreck. If you suspect that you have a lot of pent-up emotion which is just waiting for a nice spanking in order to explode out of you, its essential to warn your top first – to ensure that they give their consent to be around such strong stuff, and that theyre willing to support you as you release it.

Yet another category of spankee is the one who likes an _ordeal._ For these people, taking a difficult spanking is a way of testing their own strength, courage and stamina. Afterwards, they report feeling strong, centered and powerful: theyve taken what the world has to dish out, and it hasnt broken them. (Ive heard this phenomenon referred to as "masochismo."2)

Ordeal-seekers can be a bit of a trial for a top. Aside from the issue of wearing out your arm and breaking your favorite paddle, an ordeal-seeker is unlikely to let you know if things get to be too much: doing so feels to such a person like an admission that theyve failed. Make it clear to your partner that, for both of your safety, they _must_ tell you if they feel that the spanking is damaging them physically or emotionally, and that nobody will consider that a sign of weakness or failure. And then watch them extra-carefully for signs of physical or emotional damage anyway.

A final category of spanking script comes from the bottom who seeks _humiliation._ Such folks are more attuned to the emotional aspects of spanking than to the physical ones. The more you load up the spanking scene with symbols of the power imbalance between the two of you – embarrassing positions, degrading costumes, scornful lectures, mouth-soaping, corner time, playing with urine and/or enemas, kissing the implement, thanking you for each stroke – the better they like it.

Humiliation bottoms are easy on the hand, but hard on the imagination: coming up with ways to keep _both_ sets of cheeks nice and pink can be a challenge. Its also worth remembering that professional dominants report that the humiliation-lover is the client most likely to turn on them in anger. Humiliation play can resonate down into the deepest levels of someones self-image. It requires extra-careful step-by-step negotiation, even down to discussion of each word used in a scolding, in order to keep the scene emotionally safe for the bottom and physically safe for the top.

Spanking as Transcendence

Like all forms of erotic power and pain play, spanking has the potential to rocket both spanker and spankee into an altered state of consciousness that many perceive as transcendent, ecstatic or even spiritual.

_Over-the-knee spanking - often abbreviated to OTK - holds a special place in the heart of spanking enthusiasts. It fits especially well into age play, as well as authority scenarios like "schoolteacher and student" and "boss and secretary."_

Nobody knows exactly what underlies such phenomena, but we do know that nearly all religious and spiritual traditions have developed ways of stressing the body – from kneeling on hard surfaces for hours through piercing the flesh and hanging from the piercings – in order to travel in metaphysical realms that cannot be accessed during day-to-day consciousness. Spanking, which after all was developed as a way of giving pain with minimal damage to the body, can be a relatively safe way of exploring the realms of transcendence.

While youre still getting the hang of spanking or being spanked, its unlikely that youll have such experiences – too much of your brain will be occupied by working its way through the techniques of giving or receiving the sensation. But it may be that as you proceed along your spanking journey, you might experience profound feelings of connection with your partner and with the universe, leading to visions, out-of-body experiences, and remarkable insights.1

Whats In It for Tops?

The rewards of topping are a bit less tangible than those of bottoming – after all, its the bottom who gets all the sensory goodies.2

Contrary to most peoples image of a spanker as heartless, cruel and sadistic, the rewards of spanking often actually stem from a deep empathy: if you werent empathizing with the bottoms sensations, you might as well whack a pillow, right? Thus, the top can vicariously experience many of the same rewards the bottom is enjoying. Even contact endorphin highs are far from unknown (Ive walked away from giving a heavy spanking feeling high as a kite).

Spanking, like being spanked, also offers us the opportunity to express aspects of ourselves that arent safe or acceptable to act out in the real world: the brute, the strict authority figure, the sadist, the interrogator, the captor. When we find that within the clear boundaries of the spanking scene these personae1 are not just accepted, but lusted after and loved, a tremendous sense of healing and wholeness can result.

And lets face it: the sounds and sensations and sights of spanking someone – the whimpers and moans and cries, the writhing and wiggling and clenching, the skin turning rosy and warm – are very, very sexy. Its not really very surprising that so many people are erotically attuned to an activity that involves so many sexual cues (in fact, its sort of surprising to me that there are people who arent).

Some Thoughts About Making It "Real"

Many, perhaps most, of you who read this are erotically attuned to suffering – either to your own suffering or to that of your partner – perhaps both.

Yet our attunement to suffering is a delicate one. Too little and our encounter is bland – after all, if we wanted vanilla sex, theres plenty of it out there. But at the opposite end of the spectrum, so much can go wrong: suffering inflicted by the wrong partner; suffering inflicted by the partner who seems to enjoy it too much ("why does she hate me so?") or too little ("is he only doing this for my sake?"); hamhanded suffering from a partner with no sense of the delicate feedback mechanisms that say "take it up slowly…slowly…OK, now pick up the pace… now its time to get sneaky and let em think theyre getting a break… _now_ the crescendo!" And no responsible top wants to cause the kind of genuine harm or misery that lasts outside the protected sphere of the scene.

I think this issue comes down to the question of "realness." Every erotic sufferer, or inflicter of suffering, occasionally feels the pang of desire for "reality," the quest to turn the delicate interplay of symbols into something more poignant and immediate. It is at this time that partners begin talk of disposing of safewords, of consensual nonconsent, of "no way out" scenes.

A certain amount of sorting naturally takes place during the partner-finding process. People who enjoy scenes with lots of role-play and not too much actual suffering will find each other, and naturally reject those who want their suffering as close to reality as possible. The sorting process will inevitably produce more than its share of small (and not-so-small) dramas; minimizing such dramas is a good reason to evolve the best possible negotiation skills early in your scene life.

If you are one who craves the edge, allow me to share two points from my own experience. Point one: it is essentially impossible for ethical players to dispose of safewords or do "consensual nonconsent." There is always a way for a bottom who is truly in trouble to communicate withdrawal of consent, and an ethical top will act on that communication. Impasse.

Point two: the passage of time will naturally and effortlessly resolve the impasse. As partners play together, and trust evolves, the tops ability to read signals will evolve, as will the bottoms ability to relinquish control and to go into the realms that formerly seemed unattainable, the red-misted territory that lies beyond "I cant stand this any more."

I have never bottomed without a safeword. Regardless, I have done scenes in which I was shrieking for mercy at the top of my lungs, and meaning every word of it. I was literally willing to do anything I could to stop the scene – except safeword. And my top, who I trusted completely, knew it. This is the kind of play that becomes possible only between players who are highly experienced and who trust each other a lot. (Important note: Yes, I trusted my top a lot. Imagine how much _they_ trusted _me:_ what if Id awakened the next morning and decided Id been assaulted? What chance would they have had if Id gone to the police and shown my marks? Trust works both ways in edgeplay of this kind.)

The reason I choose to include these thoughts in a book on spanking is because spanking is sometimes extreme in sensation and punitive in nature, which means it sometimes encompasses both physical and emotional suffering. If you intend to engage in intense spanking, please consider such issues carefully before proceeding.

1Not that a few of us havent tried it!

1A bottom is the person getting spanked - and, of course, also the part of them getting spanked.

1A safeword is a code that someone uses to express that they really need things slowed down or stopped. See Chapter 5.

2A term coined by my friend Sadie Damascus.

1For more information about altered states of consciousness during spanking and/or BDSM, please check out Dossie Eastons and my book "Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys in Transcendence."

2Except for an occasional sore palm.

1A persona is an aspect of yourself that comes out in a particular circumstance - like a spanking scene, for example.


Input: Prompt: Compose a section for a book about spanking that focuses on the anatomy of the spankee. This section should include information about the bones, nerves, and muscles of the buttocks, as well as the skin and the marks that can be left by spanking. Provide advice on how to avoid causing injury and describe the different types of marks that might result from spanking, such as welts, bruises, and blisters. Also, discuss the concept of "leatherbutt" and the importance of not making promises about not leaving marks. Finally, touch on the topic of cleaning spanking toys and the risks of using contaminated toys on multiple partners.

Response:
4\. Anatomy of a Spankee

**THE BUTT IS A TOUGH PART OF THE BODY.** Its mostly fat and muscle, with most of its bones and major nerves buried pretty deeply. Nevertheless, its a good idea to know enough about its anatomy to avoid doing damage, and to focus on the most pleasurable spots.

You can refer to the drawing on p. 26 to follow this section.

Starting from the inside, the _bones_ of the butt are mostly the pelvis and the femurs (thigh bones), which are all large, sturdy bones. Unless you are spanking someone extremely elderly or frail, you dont need to worry about injuring the pelvis or femur.

However, the butt also covers the lower end of the spine – the coccyx (COK-six), or tailbone. The tailbone tapers off approximately one-fourth to one-third of the way down the crack of the butt. It is relatively fragile, and quite sensitive to pain. A hard blow to the tailbone can cause damage that may require medical intervention to heal. It also feels extremely unpleasant and non-erotic to almost everybody. Therefore, before you spank someone hard (particularly with a heavy implement like a paddle), use your fingers to locate the end of their tailbone, and/or have them show you where it is.1 Avoid spanking on or near this spot.

Less likely but still possible is damage to the _trochanteric bursa,_ a little bag of fluid that cushions the motion of the leg inside the hip socket. Although the bursa lies fairly deep inside a lot of protective tissue, it can be damaged by a hard stroke with a heavy object, and can cause a painful and long-lasting condition.

Moving up through the tissues of the butt, the next area of concern is the _nerves._ The major nerve in the butt area is the _sciatic nerve,_ which is the bodys largest nerve. As you can see from the illustration, it starts at the pelvis and comes down the back of the thigh, buried deeply in the thigh muscles. Some cases are on record of long-term damage to the sciatic nerve from heavy paddling (usually in a fraternity hazing context).

To avoid injuries to deeper tissues, keep in mind that bent-over positions stretch out the muscles of the butt and thigh, and thus offer less protection to the sciatic nerve. If you are going to hit hard with a spanking implement that is heavy in weight, its a good idea to have your spankee either standing up or lying face down. The heavier the implement and the harder the blow, the less bent-over they should be. (If you think they look sexy bent over grabbing their ankles, stick to lighter, stingier implements.)

On a happier neurological note, examining a map of the human nervous system can help explain why so many of us get so turned on being spanked. The lower inner portion of the butt is fed by a nerve group called the posterior S4 dermatome1. If you had a similar map of the front of the body, youd see that the S4 dermatome is shared by the genitals. Many spanking fans refer to this low and inside area as the "sweet spot," because being spanked there feels so good. A slightly broader area of the buttocks is fed by the posterior S3 dermatome, which also connects to the pubic area. Thus, smart spankers keep their victims coming back for more by focusing their attention on the lower inner quadrant of the buttocks. Of course, spanks can also be administered to other parts of the buttocks and upper thighs, but the smacks that keep your bottom moaning in that marvelous blend of ecstatic pain and pleasure are likely to be blows to the sweet spot.

When it comes to _muscles_ , the majority of blows to the butt will land on the _gluteus maximus_ , a large, strong muscle that covers most of the buttock area. You may also land some blows on the long, heavy muscles of the upper and inner thigh. Most people of normal size and fitness have very strong muscles in this area that do an excellent job of protecting underlying structures. If you are playing with a very slender, weak or elderly person, you might wish to stick to lighter, stingier toys, rather than heavy ones that might damage nerves or bones.

The pubococcygeal (Kegel) muscles, and the sphincter muscles of the rectum, tend to clench and unclench reflexively during a spanking. These muscles are linked directly to the nerves of pleasure, so many people find that this kind of rhythmic clenching leads directly to erotic turn-on.

_Avoid spanking above the top of the asscrack or below the midpoint of the thighs._ About a hand-width above the bony protection of the pelvis, parallel to the elbows, lie the kidneys, which can be easily damaged by strong blows. The lower backs of the thighs and knees, where the thigh muscles thin out, contain relatively fragile tendons, ligaments and large blood vessels, and are too delicate to be struck in most people.

The _skin_ of the butt is well fed with many small blood vessels. Many of the marks left by spanking result from damage to tiny capillaries (small blood vessels); the capillaries are broken and a small amount of blood is released under the skin. If your partner is taking any blood-thinning drug – which includes aspirin, ibuprofen, alcohol or coumadin – they will probably bruise more easily than usual. If its important not to leave marks, avoid such drugs for twenty-four hours before play.

Marks

Lets talk about some of the kinds of marks that can be left by a spanking. Mild spankings simply increase the circulation into the skin of the spanked area, turning it rosy and making it warm to the touch. This color usually fades away completely within an hour or two.

Heavier spankings may cause the skin to raise up in a ridge or bump, usually pink or red in color, that we call a _welt._ Depending on the individual, welts may fade almost immediately, or may hang around for weeks.1 (Hot water from a shower or tub may bring a healed welt back up again – a fact learned to the embarrassment of one of my bottoms, who made the mistake of showering a week after our scene in the locker room of his branch of the armed forces!)

Some spankings may also leave _bruises._ Post-spanking bruising can range from a tiny darkened mark through deep blackish-purple hematomas covering the entire buttock area. Bruising can take anywhere from a few days to several weeks to fade all the way from black to green to yellow to gone.

Canes leave a unique two-tracked mark, sometimes called a "tramline," thats somewhere between a welt and a bruise. I will attempt to explain the mechanism behind tramlines in Appendix D, "Some Special Notes on Caning."

Some spankings, particularly those with wooden paddles, rough-textured toys or toys with holes, can also "blister" or abrade the skin. For reasons I will detail in Chapter 8, "The Stages of a Scene," it is best to avoid spanking play that actually blisters. Some people seem much more prone to this kind of injury than others; Ive only experienced it twice in my career as a spankee. A blistered butt will look raw and oozy, and feel sticky to the touch. In extreme cases, it may even bleed. This type of mark takes the longest of all to heal, and may leave that part of the skin permanently susceptible to future abrasion.

For some people, any of the kinds of marks Ive described here would cause a real problem. People who are in monogamous relationships with others, and people whose bodies are on display (such as dancers and models), have to be especially careful not to walk around marked. Some people have conditions – diabetes, or medications that decrease blood clotting – that mean you need to be especially careful about marks for fear of causing serious medical problems. Some people who normally dont mind being marked have to be careful when theyre scheduled an appointment with a doctor, chiropractor or bodyworker, or a trip to the beach or hot tub.1 Other people simply dont like the idea of wearing the evidence of their sexual predilections on their skin.

Novice spankees tend to have very tender butts that often mark easily; experienced spankers often develop skin which is tougher and thicker, so that they require more vigorous spankings to get where they want to go, and often tend not to mark easily. Ive heard this condition called "leatherbutt" and "rhino butt." If your partner has a leather butt, theyll know it and tell you so. If they havent told you so, assume that they mark easily, and behave accordingly.

Never, ever promise anyone that you wont mark them – although its certainly fine to promise to try your best to avoid it.1 Its impossible to know how easily someone marks if youve never played with them before. And peoples markability varies from one session to the next, based on their health, their state of mind, what medications theyre taking, and where they are in their menstrual cycle, if they have one. However, a long slow warm-up so that everybody stays relaxed, plus a careful choice of toys, can help reduce the chances of marking. Spanking someone through their underwear or another light garment can also reduce the chances of welts and abrasions, although it doesnt do much to prevent bruising (and can prevent the top from seeing any damage thats being done to the skin).

If youre trying not to mark someone but do so anyway, take a look in the "Troubleshooting" chapter for some ideas for healing marks quickly.

If any mark has broken the skin – which means that if _any_ sign of oozing or bleeding is present, no matter how small – it is important that you clean the toy extremely well before using it on anyone else, or, better yet, set the toy aside for use on that bottom only. The same rule applies if the toy has gotten semen, vaginal fluid, urine or feces on it. HIV, hepatitis and other diseases can be spread by carelessly using a contaminated toy on another bottom. See Appendix C for some techniques for cleaning spanking toys.

1Its probably not where you think it is. Theres a ridge of flesh fairly high up between the cheeks that many people think is the tailbone, but the actual bone is generally a couple of inches lower than that.

1If you imagine your spinal cord as the trunk of a tree, the dermatomes are its major branches.

1Many people find that the more they get spanked, the less likely they are to be marked. My understanding about this phenomenon is that the small blood vessels move deeper into the skin with repeated stimuli.

1For help in finding health care practitioners who can deal with your spanking interest, check the Resource Guide.

1I know people who have encountered SERIOUS problems in their relationships after showing up at home with unwanted (and unexpected) marks.


Input: Prompt: Compose a section for a book about spanking that focuses on communication and mood. This section should include information on the importance of negotiation before a spanking scene, topics to discuss during negotiation, and tips for maintaining communication during the scene. Discuss the concept of safewords and their importance in maintaining safety and consent. Also, provide advice on how to maintain appropriate dialogue and mood during role-playing and age play scenes. Finally, touch on the use of props and costumes to enhance the spanking experience.

Response:
5\. Communication and Mood

**SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME OF** your spanking scene takes place before anybodys underpants go down. Talking straightforwardly about what kinds of activities interest you, about your desires and limits, is an essential part of making your spanking work. Without this negotiation process, tops are put in the awkward position of having to read bottoms minds, and bottoms spend the entire spanking tense and on edge, wondering if the top is about to do something that the bottom really doesnt like. Hardly a formula for a successful interaction!

Many people arent used to talking honestly about their erotic needs, so negotiation can be awkward if youre not used to it.1 It does get easier with practice – skilled negotiators can whiz through such conversations with dazzling ease.

I suggest that you and your partner have this discussion well before you get together to do your spanking scene. By the time you get together and are feeling all hot and bothered, your eagerness may lead you into making compromises that arent a good idea. Its much easier to say "No, thanks," to a spanking that hasnt been planned yet than it is to walk away from an imminent scene.

Here are some of the topics you should probably discuss:2

• _The spanking itself._ Hands only? Implements? Which implements are OK, which are to be used with caution, which are off limits?1 Any parts of the butt that dont like to be hit? Is it OK to hit anywhere besides the butt and, if so, where? Will it cause any problems if the spanking leaves marks?

• _Sex._ Will the spanking include any sexual interaction? If so, what kind? What are both parties standards for safer sex: which activities are safe enough to do without a barrier, which ones require a barrier, which are too unsafe to do at all?2 Who will be in charge of providing safer sex materials such as condoms, gloves and lubricant?

• _Roles._ Who will top, and who will bottom?3 Will the spanking include any role-playing such as teacher/ student, owner/slave, adult/child or captor/captive?

• _Related activities._ Will the spanking include any bondage, and, if so, in what positions and with what materials? Will other activities such as role-playing, humiliation games, or enemas be involved?

• _Physical limits._ Does either partner have any physical conditions that should be taken into account? Common physical limits include heart trouble; back trouble; easy bruising due to anemia, diabetes or anticlotting medication; breathing difficulty; vertigo; seizure disorders; circulatory problems.

_When both partners are physically comfortable, mutually trusting, and relaxed, a spanking can go on for a long time and is more likely to lead to arousal and/or orgasm._

• _Emotional limits._ Does either partner have any history of being abused or assaulted? If so, what activities might trigger unwanted flashbacks to the abuse?

• _Communication during the scene._ How will you let each other know if something isnt working out right? (Some suggestions follow.)

Straightforward verbal communication

In all consensual erotic spanking scenes, from the most lovingly playful to the harshest, it is essential to maintain good ongoing communication and feedback between the top and the bottom. Getting or giving the information you need to, without interfering with whatever roles or fantasies you may be playing out, is one of the highest arts of any form of erotic power exchange.

Often, communication may take place in the simplest of verbal forms: "Im getting a cramp in my thigh," "This is scaring me – lets back off a bit," "Wait; did you hear someone in the hallway?" Such communications are clear and straightforward, and need not interfere more than momentarily in the scene: accomplished players get very fluid about stopping for a moment to take care of a problem, then dropping back into role almost immediately.

"One to Ten"

When youre playing with a new bottom or with a new toy or technique, it can become important to calibrate the sensations – some bottoms are bored by spankings that would send other bottoms into traumatic hysteria. An excellent way for tops to gain information about a new sensation is called "one to ten."

In this technique, the top delivers one extremely gentle stroke, hardly more than laying the hand or implement onto the bottoms skin, and explains, "That was a one on a scale of one to ten. Ten would be the hardest Im willing to hit you. For the next few minutes, I want you to use that number scale to tell me how hard a stroke you want to feel. I wont hit you anyplace but on your butt, and I wont hit you until you tell me to."

After a few minutes of this type of communication, the top has some idea of the bottoms desires, and the bottom has had a chance to relax into the idea of being spanked. Both partners can decide together when its time to stop one-to-tenning and to turn over more control to the top.

Safewords

When spankees like to pretend that were not consenting to this terrible, horrible, awful thing thats happening to us, communication can become tricky. Many if not most spankophiles have fantasies of nonconsent, and enjoy expressing ourselves in that fashion – and it can be very difficult for a top to know exactly what you mean by your ecstatic shrieks of "No! Please! Stop!"

Thus was born the safeword. One of the key tools in helping to keep spanking play physically and emotionally safe for all concerned, a safeword is simply a code word that means "Something about this really isnt working for me, and we need to stop and talk about it."

Many players have two safewords – one that means "Slow down for a second and give me a chance to talk; theres something I need to tell you" and a second that means "Stop this scene right now; something is seriously wrong." In the U.S. these are often "yellow" and "red," but you can use whatever words you like1 as long as theyre easy for both players to remember and pronounce.

Although people tend to think of safewords as something that bottoms use when a sensation becomes too intense, my experience with them is that theyre really used that way less often than you might think. They tend to come up when someone in the scene is having a physical or emotional problem, which may or may not be related to the spanking itself – illness, recognition of a real-world problem ("Oh my God, I was supposed to be home a half hour ago!"), or awareness of physical or emotional danger. Tops can and do safeword too, if something in the scene becomes too intense or difficult for them.

Some players resent the idea of safewords, feeling that they give the bottom too much control over whats going on. My belief is that, in a consensual scene, there are always safewords – verbal or physical cues that the bottom can use to say "Stop this right now." Since I think "red" is politer than "take your fucking hands off me or Im calling the cops," I prefer to use prenegotiated safewords.2

If you dont enjoy role-playing nonconsent, then you may choose to use everyday language instead – in fact, unless a safeword has been explicitly negotiated, "no" and "stop" mean "no" and "stop." My point is simply that communication in spanking scenes needs to be clear and unambiguous.

In some cases, a bottom cannot safeword for some reason – sometimes because they have a gag in their mouth, and sometimes because theyve gone into a deeply emotional, non-verbal state, and have forgotten the whole concept. Many players have developed some sort of gesture they can use as a safeword equivalent. One popular one is the "two squeezes"1 technique: the top takes hold of some part of the bottoms body, often a hand, and gives it two firm squeezes, which asks the bottom, "Are you OK with whats going on?" The bottom gives back two squeezes in response. If the response is not forthcoming, the top repeats the question; if the bottom is still unresponsive, its time to stop the scene and communicate verbally.

Ive talked to other players who have evolved other nonverbal codes such as thumbs up/thumbs down, or giving the bottom some sort of noisemaking device like a clicker or squeaky toy, which they can squeeze to alert the top if they get into trouble. Any of these can work, as long as each of you understands what the others signals mean.

Role-playing

One of the trickiest parts of communicating during spanking play is maintaining appropriate dialogue and mood. If you enjoy spanking as sensuous foreplay only, you may not choose to explore this kind of fantasy play. But if you have fantasies of being a child and a punitive teacher, or a slave and a demanding master, or a puppy and a scolding owner, a certain amount of theater will help keep the fantasy alive.

However, many players find this kind of role-playing difficult, making them feel self-conscious and silly. How can you get past that awkwardness to create the scenes you enjoy?

_The helplessness and exposure of "diaper position" can lend itself well to age play. It does require a certain amount of strength on the part of the spanker, and it may restrict the spankees breathing to some degree, so its generally best kept in brief intervals rather than used for a prolonged scene._

One good guideline to keep in mind is to _keep it simple._ As a human being, you are blessed with the gift of imagination: you dont need an entire pirate movie set, complete with ship; perhaps a genteelly evil partner with a ruffled shirt, plus a few convincing lines of dialogue, will do the trick.

Many spanking devotees are strongly eroticized to certain key words or phrases: the word "spanking" itself, descriptions like "naughty," appellations like "young lady," directions like "get those trousers down," or predictions like "you wont sit down for a week" get many, many peoples juices flowing. Clever tops watch their bottoms for a sudden blush or quickening of the breath when such phrases are used. Likewise, bottoms often enjoy arousing their tops with a judicious bit of pleading or whimpering.

One of the secrets of role-playing is that the more aroused you are, the more natural the role seems. In the beginning of the scene, when both of you are a little self-conscious and not yet turned on, such dialogue may seem awkward. I recommend that you say it anyway, and say it as convincingly as you can: I can almost guarantee that a nice surge of hardness or wetness – your own and your partners – will reward your efforts. As you get more turned on, the phrases will seem less and less silly, and more and more arousing, until youre both in full (so to speak) swing.

Another option is to use a different route to get turned on before you launch into your roleplay. If theres a physical activity that rings your chimes, whether its cuddling or kissing or chewing on necks or sucking toes or whatever, give it a try. Youll probably discover that the role that seemed silly and juvenile when you were in your ordinary state of consciousness seems accessible and hot once youre turned on.

Those who like their scenes theatrical may enjoy experimenting with props and costumes – many a spankophile has been elated by fashion trends toward schoolgirl-style pleated skirts and knee socks for adults. If you enjoy that kind of thing and have the time and money for clothes shopping, go for it.1 But even if you dont, a little mental scene-setting, combined with imaginative dialogue well-spiced with time-honored spanking phrases, will get your scene off and running.

1Negotiation should be fun! Since when is talking dirty a chore?

2For more detailed help with negotiation, check out some of the books and websites listed in the Resource Guide.

1I often lay out all my toys before a scene, and ask my bottom to show me any that they really dont want to be spanked with. Eliminated toys get put back in the bag so that I dont forget in the heat of the moment.

2First rule of safer sex negotiation: the more conservative partner wins. Always.

3 _I once negotiated a whole scene with a friend at a play party. We walked out into the middle of the dungeon to set up our toys, then stood there staring at one another. Turned out each of us thought the other one was going to top._

1Ive heard that some people use "411" for "information" and "911" for "emergency."

2Some people who use spanking as genuine punishment feel that safewords interfere with the process. A reasonable compromise, in my opinion, is to allow the bottom a safeword that they can use in case of emergency - illness, emotional meltdown, a real-world problem like a knock at the front door - but not because the spanking is overly intense.

1My colleague Jay Wiseman introduced this technique in his book "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction." It works very well.

1Thrift shops are your friend.


Input: Prompt: Compose a section for a book about spanking that explores various spanking fantasies. Divide these fantasies into two categories: those that depict the bottom succumbing to the pain or power of the spanking ("losing scenes") and those that portray the bottom overcoming a difficult stimulus ("winning scenes"). Provide examples of each type of scene and offer advice on how to negotiate and maintain safety during these scenarios. Also, include a brief note on the importance of consent and limits in all spanking fantasies and activities.

Response:
6\. Spanking Fantasies

**IN A PREVIOUS CHAPTER, I DISCUSSED AT** length some of the deep emotional scripts that underlie most spanking play. These scripts are often acted out within the context of a story – a story that we keep in our own heads, which we call a "fantasy," or a story that we act out with a partner, which we call a "scene."

Many people are turned off or intimidated by the idea of doing a full-on role-play (teacher and student, pirate and captive, jailer and prisoner). Whether or not you choose to go the roleplaying route – and I hope youll consider it, because theres a lot of fun to be had there – its still useful to use the idea of fantasies to define the general flavor of your spanking play: will it be playful and giggly, harsh and punitive, stern and for-your-own-good, offhanded and matter-of-fact? A mismatch in this area can lead to a lukewarm, or possibly even very upsetting, scene.

For this reason, I find it useful to divide spanking fantasies into two categories: fantasies that are about being taken down, overcome, made small; and fantasies that are about powerfully prevailing over a difficult stimulus. The reason I make this distinction is because Ive seen things go very wrong when one partner wants the first kind of scene, the other wants the second, and nobody notices this difference until the scene is under way: you can see how a top who is striving to take a bottom down could run into problems with a bottom who wants to conquer an ordeal. Thus, its best to talk over your goals for the scene before anybody actually takes their pants down. For the sake of brevity, Im going to call these "losing scenes" and "winning scenes."

"Losing Scenes"

Losing scenes are those in which the bottom eventually succumbs to the pain or power of the spanking. Because real-world spanking is generally enacted upon children, prisoners and others without power, the fantasies we build around spanking play are far more likely to be about losing.

Some of the commonest spanking fantasies have to do with _age play_. In these, one or both partners, usually the bottom, acts the part of someone younger than they really are. An age play bottom may be a cuddly, dependent infant, a fractious toddler, a naughty schoolchild, a rebellious teenager, a fraternity or sorority pledge. An age play top may be a nice or mean Mommy or Daddy, a strict schoolteacher or governess, a gung-ho coach, a sadistic frat boy, or another child (come on, didnt you and the other kids play spanking games together?). Age games give us a chance to relive our childhoods in an environment of safety and love, with a very unchildlike opportunity for adult sexual fun afterwards.1 They require some special safeguards to make sure that one adult can speak to one another out of role when necessary, and to avoid triggering unexpected regressions to genuine childhood trauma (see Chapter 6, "Communication and Mood," for more information on how to set up these safeguards).

Other spanking fantasies have to do with _discipline._ Although few of us would actually like to be involved with a Singaporean judicial-style caning, many of us have fantasies about punishing or being punished in such an environment. Prison strappings, military discipline, and other adult discipline situations also have their adherents, particularly among gay men. However, acting out such a fantasy doesnt mean that you get to overlook your partners real needs for warmup, communication, and nurturing, particularly if your partner is relatively new to spanking play; if you cant find ways to build those things directly into the narrative of your scene, take breaks when you need them to make sure everyones OK.

_The wheelbarrow position requires the ongoing, active participation of a fit spankee. Well worth it, considering the degree of sexual access it offers!_

And many spanking fans do their thing within the context of _contractual agreement._ The bottom has given their partner (sometimes referred to as the Head of Household, or HoH) the right to punish them for certain prenegotiated transgressions – breaking agreements with themselves or their partner, engaging in activities that both have agreed are harmful, and so on. I discuss this sort of agreement at greater length in Chapter 11, "Spanking Relationships."

And finally, there is the spanking delivered as part of an _ownership_ agreement. The bottom here may be a slave, or an animal like a pup or pony. The top may be spanking the bottom for his own pleasure, or as a disciplinary measure ( _"bad_ dog!"). Underlying the spanking is the fantasy that the owner has the right to use his property in any way he sees fit. I dont have to tell you, of course, that this is the twenty-first century, and that nobody has the "right" to spank another adult – ownership fantasies, like any other, require careful attention to the realities of consent and limits.

"Winning Scenes"

Winning scenes are generally those that start from a presumption of equal power, where one person is receiving pain in order to prevail over a difficult circumstance.

The commonest winning scene by far is the _sexual_ or _erotic_ spanking. For reasons I explained in the previous chapter, many people find the proper strong stimulus to the buttocks to be a sexual turn-on, sometimes even to the point of orgasm. Its hard to imagine more of a win-win scenario than a spanking that ends with everyone coming! Sexual spankings dont necessarily need any fantasy or any excuse, any more than any other sexual activity: theyre just for fun and mutual pleasure.

_Captivity_ scenes are often, but not always, about winning. The top in such a scene may be a rapist, kidnapper, inquisitor, interrogator, or whatever their taste runs to; the bottom is a powerful person who has been taken down by circumstances beyond their control: a pirate conquering a captive maiden1 would be one example. However, it is often best before such a scene to collaborate in deciding whether the ultimate goal is for the maiden to retain her virtue –"Never, you foul pig!" – or whether the pirate will eventually spank the maiden into a receptive state to his piratical desires.

Another winning scene is the _ordeal_ or _shamanistic_ scene, which is fully collaborative, with the top agreeing to push the bottom into a catharsis or a spiritual journey. These are scenes that people most often come to after some years of spanking or being spanked, as they bear little resemblance to the fantasies that brought most of us into this activity in the first place. Nevertheless, as people pursue their spanking journey and discover the extraordinary rewards that lie on the end of extreme sensation play, many feel drawn to this experience.

Topping in a winning scene can be a little bit like driving with one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brake: at the same time as youre working to appear cruel, heartless and sadistic, youre keeping a close eye on your partner for signs of genuine distress or overload. The same cautions apply to these scenes as to any other – dont get carried away with your roles, and check in with one another often.

These are just a few of the commonest fantasies and scripts enjoyed by spankers and spankees the world over; Im sure youve got a few tasty ones of your own. But maybe these will give you a few new ideas and a bit of insight into the ideas that your fertile mind has already conjured.

1Be careful about engaging sexually with someone who is still in "kid space." Its a good idea to discuss ahead of time whether the "kid" is strong enough to manage adult sexuality, and to steer clear if they arent.

1Did pirates really spank their captives? Who cares?


Input: Prompt: Write a section for a book about spanking that focuses specifically on advice for bottoms. Discuss techniques for processing pain during a spanking, including staying relaxed, scanning the body for tension, focusing on breathing, and mentally transforming the sensation of pain. Also, provide tips on how to care for the skin after a spanking, including daily habits, precautions before and after play, and immediate post-play treatments.

Response:
7\. For Bottoms

**FAR TOO MANY SPANKING AND BDSM** books, in my opinion, focus almost exclusively on the skills brought to the scene by the top. Bottoms are – duh! – an integral part of a spanking scene, and the skills of a great bottom are both learnable and well worth learning.

Pain Processing

By virtue of the length of this book, I cant go into a great deal of detail here about pain processing techniques – theres really another whole book to be written about that. But the basic thing you need to know is that the more relaxed you can stay, the more youll be able to accept and enjoy your spanking.

"Sure," youre thinking, "thats easy for her to say, sitting at her keyboard typing." Well, you have a point. But, honestly, Ive taken some pretty spectacular spankings in my day, and, truly, the trick is to stay as loose as you can, and there are ways to do it, and I can help you learn some of them.

Most of us react to pain with immediate, instinctive panic – and with good reason: most of the pain we experience in our lives is a red-light-and-siren signal that somethings seriously wrong: were sick, were injured, someone is violently angry at us. But when our wayward libidos drive us to experience spanking, weve just turned all the rules upside down, and all of a sudden were experiencing pain when theres nothing seriously wrong, and in fact a lot of things are quite seriously right. And yet the habit of panic often persists.

So the first thing I want you to learn to do is to run a "panic scan" through your body. From time to time during your spanking, when you have a moment that isnt too over whelmingly intense, just run a quick laser beam of attention from your toes all the way up your body, paying special attention to the places where you know tension likes to hide (in many people these are the asshole, belly, chest, shoulders, throat, neck, hands and/or face). Anyplace you find a pocket of tension, take a deep breath into it, and then blow it back out – sometimes shaking the body part will help.

Next, start paying attention to your breathing. Panicky people tend to breathe high up in their chests, with tight little panicky breaths – you can hear it in their high squeaky voices, if theyre making noise. I want you to try to keep your breath low and slow and deep down in your belly, so that your noises come out moaning, or growling like a tiger.

Finally, I want you to try playing with the pain in your mind. Take that paddle stroke thats just lit up your butt with pain – but is it really pain youre feeling? Could it be…heat? Hmmm…maybe thats it, the nice glowing heat of the August sun as you bake yourself on the beach. Or is it color, the searing orange of the fireworks you saw last Fourth of July? Or the pure high note of a single perfect trumpet? Hey, its your pain, yours to play with, and you can ride it anywhere your mind can take you.

_Important note:_ These pain processing tips will probably help you process some sensations that you couldnt handle before. They wont help you with all sensations. There will be times that you dont want to ride on top of the sensation, and there will probably be tops who dont want you to, and there will be plenty of times that you wont be able to anyway. Nonetheless, my experience has been that knowing how to do this stuff means that you can have more fun for a longer time doing more kinds of spankings than not knowing it – so get practicing!

Taking Care of Your Hide

As a general rule, the more spankings you accept, the better your skin will hold up to them – most experienced spankees I know mark very little if at all. But if youre new to spanking, you may find your butt the day after a spanking looking rather spectacularly multicolored.

Generally, this kind of mayhem is harmless – its what doctors call a "self-limiting condition," meaning if you just leave it alone it gets better by itself. But it can be a nuisance, icky to look at and uncomfortable to sit on. To minimize marking, follow these guidelines:

_Every day:_

•Take a good quality multivitamin.

•Moisturize the skin on your butt with a deep-acting moisturizer. (Im a fan of Eucerin Original Cream, but plain coconut oil works well too.)

•Drink plenty of water.

_Twenty-four hours before and after play:_

•Avoid aspirin, ibuprofen and other blood-thinning drugs.

_Immediately after play:_

•Place an icepack on the affected area for twenty minutes. Repeat every two hours for twenty-four hours (or until you get bored with the whole thing).

•If welts are present, they may be minimized by taking 50 mg of diphenhydramine (Benadryl). However, Benadryl makes many people very drowsy, and welts tend to go away fairly quickly on their own, so unless theyre really bugging you, I probably wouldnt bother.

•Some people find that their marks seem to go away faster if they use arnica, an herbal remedy from the health food store, in sublingual tablets and/or topical cream.

_For a few days after play:_

•If your skin isnt broken, commercial heat wraps, available in drugstores, may help speed healing of bruises.

•Be careful about public showers, hot tubs and steam baths – the heat may reawaken marks you thought had faded (embarrassing!).


Input: Prompt: Write a section for a book about spanking that details the stages of a scene. Start with the warmup phase, discussing its importance and providing tips on how to effectively warm up a bottom. Next, discuss specific turn-ons for spanking enthusiasts, such as scolding, denuding, and key words. Then, describe the different stages of skin reactions during a spanking, from pinkening to blistering, and provide advice on how to avoid unwanted marks. Finally, discuss the importance of aftercare, including the need for cuddling, nurturing, and communication between partners.

Response:
8\. Stages of a Scene

**SO THERE YOU ARE, FACE-TO-FACE WITH** your spanking partner. What happens next?

Warmup

Even the greediest masochist is unlikely to have a good time if you start a scene with half a dozen full-armed strokes from your heaviest paddle. To take your bottom to bliss, you have to start slowly, with a nice warmup – bringing up their circulation, letting their endorphins rev up, helping them relax into the sensation.

Ive seen tops linger for as much as an hour over warmup, starting with gentle caresses, escalating slowly to little pats, then to light smacks, then to harder spanks…progressing to the intense stuff only when the bottoms are so thoroughly blissed out that theyre pushing their backsides out to meet the paddle, and laughing ecstatically as the strokes fall.

For certain types of scenes, such as punishment scenes, you may wish to skip warmup, deliberately making it difficult for your bottom to process and enjoy the pain. I recommend that you try this only with a bottom you know very well and have played with often. If you do try it, expect your bottom to mark much more easily than usual, and be prepared for a strong emotional reaction of fear, anger and/or sadness.

In general, however, I recommend as much warmup as your patience and arm can accommodate. Few bottoms mind a slow-building warmup, and for many, its essential. If your bottom is at all tense or nervous, or if its been a long time since theyve last played, take some extra time during warmup.

Remember, warmup is for tops too – its a time to get in touch with your bottom, to limber up your own arm and shoulder to help prevent injuries, to get yourself into role, to establish the rhythm and flow of the scene. A warmup is to spanking what foreplay is to sex: dont rush it!

Turn-ons

For many spankers and spankees, specific moments and phrases are integral to their enjoyment of the scene. Many experienced players will be able to tell you ahead of time what their specific hot-buttons are, so that you can push them expertly. Others dont know yet, or are too shy to say – so youll have to watch them carefully to see when you get an ecstatic shudder or blush or gasp. Here are some typical turn-ons for spanking folk:

• _Scolding._ Scolding fits well into punishment and "funishment" scenes, and can also have its place in other kinds of scenes – but for some bottoms its a complete turn-off, so watch carefully if you decide to try it. A good scolder is able to detail the spankees exact (real or imagined) transgression and to describe exactly why it was so completely unacceptable, without making them feel genuinely bad or degraded (unless thats what both partners desire). Some tops like to punctuate the scolding with spanks, others like to spank for a while and then stop to scold.

Scolding can make the difference between stoical acceptance and cathartic tears. Its powerful stuff.

• _Denuding._ An extremely powerful moment for many spankees is the one in which their top removes first their outer clothing and then their underwear, or instructs them to take it off. Ive met bottoms for whom the moment of having their underwear taken down is more exciting than the actual spanking. A real-world benefit to denuding your bottom is that it both makes the spanking hurt more and allows you to see what effect youre having on the bottoms skin. (A compromise, for modest bottoms, is a g-string or thong underwear, which leave the butt exposed while covering the genitals. Some bottoms wear full-on underpants over a g-string so that they can have the thrill of having them taken down without losing their modesty.)

• _Key words._ Some spankophiles respond vividly and erotically to particular words, so its a good idea to build those words into your interaction with them. The word "spank," of course, is classic (almost every spankophile Ive met remembers the disturbingly hot feeling, as a child, of looking up the word "spank" in the dictionary). "Panties" is another, as is "naughty." Im sure youll discover more as you investigate the reactions of different bottoms.

Skin-Watching

As you spank, keep a close eye on your partners hide. While newbie spankees will go through these phases much quicker than experienced ones, everyone will get to each phase eventually.

_A squirmy butt, plus a heavy toy like a riding crop, can add up to marks in the wrong places. Fortunately, there are ways of holding a bottom down - this position, one of my favorites, uses the spankers weight to hold the spankee in place._

• _Pinkening._ The first thing that will happen as you spank is that the spanked area will begin to grow pink and warm.1 This phenomenon is caused by histamines rushing to the site of a potential injury, causing inflammation in order to protect the body. The pink area may be specific to the site of the spank – a single hand-spank may leave a clear handprint – or may be more generalized around the bottoms butt. Pinkening is unlikely to leave marks or to cause any significant problems.

• _Reddening._ If you go on spanking, the skin will go from warm to hot, and from pink to a darker red, particularly over heavily spanked areas like the "sit spot." At this point, bruising becomes a distinct possibility.1

• _Leathering._ The next phase in a spanking is that the skin starts to thicken (another histaminic response). From the bottoms side, it feels "crinkly," like a sunburn; from the tops, it feels like warm, moist cardboard. The color may be gray-purple. _Do not spank to this point if marking will be a problem!_

• _Blistering._ If you continue to spank past the point of leathering, the skin will turn an eerie white/grey color, and eventually it will start to peel apart in layers, often exposing raw dermis underneath (which may weep a little plasma, thus necessitating a thorough cleaning of all toys that have touched the weepy spot).2 _I do not recommend spanking to the point of blistering,_ as the blister can cause permanent changes to the structure of the skin underneath: I have been unable to discover whether there are significant health risks involved, but it is certain that such blistering can leave a permanent weak spot in the skin, that will open and weep under relatively little spanking in the future. This is, in my opinion, a consequence of heavy spanking that is too seldom discussed.

Aftercare

So its all over, and it was great. Your arm is almost as sore as your bottoms butt, and youre both breathing hard, excited and happy and satisfied.

Although you dont often read about it in spanking porn, the time after the spanking is one of the most important parts of your play. A good spanking scene creates its own reality – a reality of intimate connection, of lowered boundaries and tremendous intimacy. Learning to cherish and prolong that reality is one of the high arts of spanking.

At a bare minimum, its a good idea to spend a while cuddling and nurturing each other. Bottoms need support and nurturance as they emerge from the vulnerable space of the spanking back into everyday reality. Tops also need support – although many people fail to realize it, administering a spanking can be scary and guilt-inducing, and wise bottoms spend lots of time letting their tops know how much they enjoyed themselves and how grateful they are.

If you and your partner have agreed to have sex as part of your spanking scene, now is the time. You may feel like launching directly into hot and heavy fucking, or you may need some time of gentleness and quiet before youre ready to begin building sexual energy. Be sensitive to one anothers cues in this area, and if your partner seems to be misreading you, its fine to politely say so and ask for a little more – or less – recovery time.

If you havent agreed to be sexual, its still a good idea to spend some time together. A meal or a beverage, preferably at a table with nice soft chairs, can be a very pleasant way to decompress after a spanking. Or you can watch some TV, take a shower together, play a game – anything that allows the two of you to come out of your own special reality and back into the world in one anothers company.

Please dont try to launch yourself back into the real world too soon after a spanking scene. In particular, making major decisions, operating a motor vehicle, or discussing a relationship during this time can lead to big mistakes. Think of yourself as having had a couple of stiff drinks, and care for yourself accordingly.1

I recommend waiting a while before you try to talk about how you liked the scene or didnt like it, or what did or didnt work for you – the alternate reality of your spanking universe may still have a stronger grip on your mind and emotions than you realize. Its a very good idea, however, to check in with one another the next day, by phone or e-mail or, better yet, in person. During this conversation, you can compare notes, discuss what areas worked for you and merit further exploration, and figure out what areas didnt work so you can alter them in the future. It may also be a good idea to check in again a few days to a week after the scene, particularly if this partner is new to you, or if the spanking was unusually physically or emotionally intense.

Its not too rare for one or another partner to notice some aftershocks of anger, sadness or guilt after a spanking. These feelings dont usually mean that you were abused or that your top (or bottom) is a rotten person.1 It may help simply to know that these feelings are normal, and usually pass within a day or so. Some reassurance from your partner about how terrific the scene was for them can help, too, as can some self-nurturing behavior like a nice hot bath or massage. If these aftershocks seem uncomfortably strong, or persist for more than a couple of days, take a look at the Troubleshooting chapter for some help in handling them.

Aftercare helps distinguish the technically competent spankophile from the true artist – and its fun, too. Dont skimp on it.

1On a fair-skinned person, the color is the pink of a rose petal. On a dark-skinned person, it may be more of a dusky rose or bluish-purple - but whatever the individuals skin type may be, it will be darker and warmer than their unspanked skin.

1If you prefer to avoid bruising, stick to broad, stingy implements - a plastic or lightweight leather paddle can be good for this. However, as always, it is impossible to guarantee that skin will not mark, particularly on inexperienced bottoms.

2If the bottom has been wearing abrasive clothing against their skin, blistering may happen much sooner. I developed my "weak spot" during an otherwise fairly mild hairbrush spanking on a night when Id been wearing a chain mail dress: sitting on the chain mail had left little indentations all over my butt, and it took amazingly little spanking to take me to the point of blistering.

1This goes for tops too. A tops altered state of consciousness may not be as immediately apparent as a bottoms, but its still there.

1They also dont mean that you WERENT abused. Abuse sometimes happens during spankings, as it does during all human interactions. But try to wait until the immediate aftershocks of the spanking are over before you make that decision (unless, of course, your safeword or other unambiguous "stop" signal was ignored, in which case take a look at the Resource Guide).