Input:
 Write a section about whipping, pony play, suspension, waxing, and other BDSM activities. Describe the tools and techniques used in these activities, as well as the risks and safety precautions to take.

Emphasize the importance of obtaining informed consent, using the right equipment, and having a safe word or signal.

Include information on preparation, such as shaving before waxing, using gloves for safety during suspension, and the use of toys like pony tails and harnesses in pony play.

Response:
A common technique is to freeze the keys into a block of ice. The keys are unavailable until the ice melts. The size of the block determines the length of the bondage, and submissives have used gallon milk containers as molds for their "bondage cubes.'

It is possible to arrange a weak equivalent of the safeword in self bondage. Put an extra set of keys into a valued vase on a high table. The logic is that in a real emergency you won't hesitate to knock over the table, smashing the vase and making the keys available. If you lack a Ming antique, put the spare keys in a regular jar in the middle of the living room rug and then fill it with vegetable oil. Again, knocking this over isn't something you will do casually, but it will provide you with a set of keys when you need them.

However, remember that you won't be able to get your extra keys with anything like the speed with which an attentive partner can free you. Self bondage is only a choice if a trustworthy partner is not available and you feel you must be in bondage. It is not something that should be tried casually.

Suggested Reading

_Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook,_ Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

_The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage,_ Midori, Greenery Press

Whipping

A whip is almost the icon of the scene. Hanging from a dominant's belt or flying through the air to land with a resounding crack on a submissive's back, the whip, to many people, is the scene.

**Selecting a whip.** Contrary to popular impressions, it is the multi-tailed cat rather than the bullwhip that is the whip of choice for most dominants. Although the bullwhip is spectacular and makes an impressive crack in the air when used properly, even a short one requires an inordinate amount of room and is very difficult to employ in such a way that does not reduce the expectant submissive (and occasionally, the novice dominant) to bloody shreds. After all, the loud, snapping sound characteristic of the bullwhip is caused when the tips travels faster than sound. It is very difficult to caress anyone with a hypersonic piece of material.

Bullwhips are used in the scene, but their role is often restricted to that of a noisemaker and intimidation device. Using one directly on a submissive is either the mark of a highly skilled whipper or a complete fool, and the distinction is rarely in doubt for long.

Generally, when a singletail is used in direct contact with skin, no attempt is made to crack it. Instead, the fall is drawn across the back often with a wide swinging horizontal arc or flicked against a muscled area with a flick rather than the explosive movement that creates the cracking sound.

On the other hand, the cat whip is a tremendously versatile tool. It can deliver as stimulating a whipping as most submissives can tolerate, or it can be as soft and gentle as a baby's touch.

The most common material cat whips are made of is steerhide. It is relatively inexpensive and easily available. However, it can be a bit rigid and inflexible, particularly if it has not been prepared well. I and many other dominants I know prefer deerskin or moosehide. These are softer and more flexible than steerhide and have a very pleasing feel.

Suede is an interesting material. It has a lovely texture and is very soft, but anyone using it should be aware that it has a tendency to abrade rather than cut. Only a few strokes with a suede whip will redden skin. Too much may draw blood despite a complete lack of visible cuts. Whips of this material are a good adjunct to a dominant's kit, but I don't think they should be used as a primary whip for extended whipping.

Another popular material that can be deceptively harsh is horse hair. Horse hair flicks are sold in both tack and leather shops. Used lightly, horse hair are an unmatched erotic tease while with forceful blows they can be quite stimulating. However, this is another material you should watch with care because the hair's surface is so rough that abrasion will take place during an intense whipping. This effect can be reduced somewhat by using soaking the hair in a solution made from a capful of hair conditioner to a gallon of water and allowing it to air dry. For those desiring a fashion statement, commercial hair dye can be used to make the flick match your own hair color or the color of your outfit.

Midnight, a Boston dominant, who is an artist of the horse hair flick, says, "I use it as a warm up. It tends to redden the bottom a little faster for me. It also leaves very, very small welts so that the stings seem to last much longer. I also use it to caress."

Cat whips with beads or knots at the end of the tail should be avoided early on. Later, you may want one or two for special effects or as scene-enders when you want a burst of high intensity stimulation. However, they have to be watched carefully, and you can't use them for too long. To me, that cuts into the fun.

Although they are not technically whips, canes belong more logically in this section than in the spanking section. The canes used from a scene aren't the sturdy supports elderly people use to get to the corner store but are, instead, light, whippy pieces of birch, rattan and bamboo so beloved by the English schoolmaster. In recent years, fiberglass and even graphite canes have made their appearance for those more interested in durability than tradition.

Canes call for considerable care in their use and should not be used unless you are very familiar with both the specific cane and the submissive's limits. More than one budding affair almost came a cropper over too enthusiastic application of a cane too early in a relationship. The feeling from a cane is much more intense than that from a paddle or, even, most whips, and a cane stroke, particularly where it passes over an existing welt, can draw blood.

Returning to the traditional whip. In my opinion, the best whip for a novice is a cat whip with five to ten broad, moderately heavy tails between 12 and 18 inches long. It is a fallacy that thinner tails are less injurious. Actually, they cut and abrade the skin very easily. One of the most feared whips in my collection is a simple ring with four leather shoelaces attached to it with hitches at their midpoints, making an eight-tailed whip.

On the other hand, a weighty, wide strip will make a satisfying splat when it hits and sting a bit but won't cut the skin. Lighter whips also have the disadvantage of making the dominant work harder.

Suggested Reading

_Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning,_ Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

_Flogging,_ Joseph Bean, Greenery Press

**Using a whip.** There are several standard techniques for using a whip. The standard stroke comes largely from the muscles in the back and arm. The motion is much like a child would use spreading on paint with a paintbrush. Because several of the body's major muscles are involved, it can be quite a powerful stroke. It is generally delivered diagonally, but it can be delivered at anything from zero to ninety degrees from the vertical.

The sling-shot stroke is more precise. The handle of the whip is held away from the body in one hand and the ends of the tails are held close to the face in the other. The handle is moved farther away until a degree of tension is built up in the tails. When the tension feels right, the tails are released and the handle is moved toward the submissive with a snap. Just before the tails strike, the handle is jerked back. With a little practice, a whipper can become quite accurate with this motion. However, the impact is deceptive. It is considerably harder than it seems, so careful monitoring is advisable.

While the sling shot stroke is best for accuracy, the spin provides the most continuous stimulation. The whip is held by the end of its handle or by its handle lanyard, if it has one, and is spun like a biblical sling. If this is used on the breasts, you should place your hand under the submissive's chin and lift the head up and back. This not only moves the vulnerable face out of primary danger but if the strokes are hitting too high you will feel them on your hand before any damage is done.

It should be obvious, but I think I should point out that the whipping area should be well lighted. To have the kind of control you need, you have to be able to see what you are doing. If you want darkness for dramatic effect, use a spotlight to illuminate the submissive and leave the rest of the room dark.

The secret to a satisfactory and safe whipping is to hit only fleshy muscled meat. You don't want to hit skin that is tightly pulled over a bone nor do you want to hit any place where internal organs are close to the surface. The primary safe zones are from below the shoulders to above the lower middle of the back (not including the spine), below the upper curve of the buttock to above the knees. These are places where a moderate whipping is unlikely to do any permanent damage. The biceps and the back muscle of the lower legs are also acceptable targets. Extreme danger zones are kidneys, spine, joints, hands and feet. When whipping the upper back, avoid letting the whip hit inside the arm pit. There is a nerve junction there that is quite vulnerable. Naturally, these danger area apply when something other than a whip, like a strap or cane, are being used. In these areas, you have to be very careful that the ends of a whip don't wrap around the body and hit there.

Other portions of the body, including cocks, balls, breasts and pussies, can be whipped. However, even more intense monitoring of the submissive's reactions must be maintained when you are stimulating these areas. For best results, a whip with six- to twelve-inch tails should be used for these areas. The shorter tail gives better control and allows you to concentrate the stimulation on the intended area rather than having it spread about.

As a personal idiosyncrasy, I tend to prefer to stimulate the genitals with a short strap or a riding crop. However, that is something that is completely personal. There is nothing wrong with a carefully and lovingly applied whip here.

Whipping should always begin slowly so that you can increase the intensity as the excitement builds. Even submissives who insist, "I'm not into whipping," can get quite turned on by a gentle introduction followed by a slow escalation. That is where the soft, heavy whips come into their own.

For example, one technique would be to first require the submissive to kiss the whip you are going to use. Then, tie his or her hands to an overhead hook, stand behind the submissive and just drape the whip over his or her shoulder and then slowly pull it back. The sensation of the soft leather mixed with the knowledge of what is coming next is almost impossible to stand. Next, very leisurely, lightly whip the back with a standard diagonal stroke and, slowly walking around the vertical body, whip the sides and front. Don't work at it, just flick the tails on to the skin. If you are hitting hard enough to tear a sheet of newsprint, you are hitting too hard. At this stage, don't worry about safe zones because you can't do any damage in any case. Obviously, the head and face are never legitimate targets, but the entire rest of the body is fair game.

Now, you can step up both the timing and the intensity of the strokes. One per second would be about right. At this point you are at a place where the spot you are whipping is becoming important. For the rest of the session, do not allow your whip to strike in any of the danger zones.

places to avoid whipping

Watch the marks left by the whip. Do only the amount of damage you are comfortable with. As you judge it appropriate, increase both the tempo and the force of the strokes. Stop every once in a while to stroke the submissive with the whip, a hand or a piece of fur. Genital stimulation short of orgasm is appropriate here. However, the recess should not be longer than a minute or there is a danger you could lose the plateau that you have built.

Canes should only be used full force on the thickly muscled buttocks and thighs. However, they can be used lightly on the chest and upper back. In any case, you should remember that the cane is flexible, and for best results, you should use the flex instead of fighting it as some novices do.

All caning should be done with the end of the cane beyond the submissive. Allowing the tip to hit skin is both bad form and likely to cause cuts and deep bruises.

_Genital shaving._ While shaving of and by itself isn't limited to BDSM, it often figures into scenes, and shaven genitalia have a special attraction to some people. Dominants often view them as symbols of possession, and submissives remark on how the "special, intimate" nakedness reminds them of their status.

As with so many other activities, success is often more a matter of preparation and follow-through than the actual execution. Many people who have tried genital shaving have been put off by the appearance of ugly red spots and itching and burning after the initial shave. While even intense stimulation during the scene can be an erotic turn on, stimulation that appears hours later and continues for days is just annoying.

However, this unfortunate side effect of shaving can be minimized by a few simple procedures. Trim the hair as short as possible with scissors or a clipper. The less tangle the razor has to deal with the more smoothly it will cut. Steam the remaining hair with a towel soaked in hot water. This will both soften the hair and partially clean the skin.

Use shaving cream or shaving gel and a slightly used razor. This is very tender skin, and I have found that a razor which has been used once before is less likely to scrape than a brand new one. An electric razor, particularly one of those battery-driven units that is designed for use on a wet surface, can also be used.

Once the hair has been removed, wash the area with a mild soap and apply an antiseptic lotion. Although it has an unattractive color, betadine is an excellent choice for this. The red marks are often caused by minor infections in nicks in the skin. By killing the bacteria on the skin's surface, you are reducing the chances of such an infection. For this reason, the area should be cleaned regularly with a mild antiseptic. Four or five times a day during the first three days would not be excessive.

Regardless of the appearance of red marks, you should plan on shaving the submissive daily for at least four days or he or she should be instructed to shave each day during that period. Eventually, the red marks should disappear.

Naturally, the shaving can be made part of the ritual of a scene. Bind the submissive for maximum exposure and work slowly and carefully. An alternative approach is to have him or her kneel before you and do the shaving without assistance.

A straight razor makes an interesting prop, but requires a high degree of skill to use. Novice barbers train by scraping shaving cream off inflated balloons. Once you are capable of doing this without bursting the balloon, you should practice on your own body before exposing your submissive to your nascent skills. Also keep in mind that, regardless of your skills, if the submissive is incapable of remaining absolutely still, the razor can inflict serious injuries from the slightest twitch.

A safer and easier approach might be to conspicuously sharpen the straight razor while the submissive watches, and then blindfolding him or her, after which, you put aside the straight razor and use a conventional safety razor for the actual shaving.

**Pony play.** Pony play combines elements of bondage, display, control and service to create a unique kink that is enjoyed by a very active subgroup within the BDSM community. Basically, in pony play, and other kinds of animal play, the submissive takes the role of a pony and is used and presented as such. Pony play can include sophisticated, lovely and expensive rigs, including harnesses, saddles, bridles and even carts. The pony can carry or pull the dominant or can be put through elaborate movements guided by the signals of either a mounted rider or dismounted trainer, or the submissive can take part in races modeled after the various forms of horse racing in the vanilla world.

Pony play can be an exclusively private-play activity, but because of the strong exhibitionistic component, it usually leads to public play either at parties or at events organized by aficionados of this lovely kink.

Like much of BDSM, the attraction to this activity is in the soul. However, it would be hard for the most insensible individual to look at the sheer joy radiating from a pony girl going through her paces and not recognize the unmitigated hedonism, the release and the joy that is coursing through her.

Many people have been drawn to pony play after reading the _Beauty_ series, a trilogy written by Anne Rice, under the pseudonym of A.N. Roquelaure. In these books, the sexual slaves are set to pulling riding carts for the enjoyment of the masters and mistresses of the castle.

Many submissive men and some women prefer to be mounted rather than using pull carts. The feel of a rider on his or her back lends an intimacy that is lacking when the dominant is some feet behind in a sulky-type cart. Many of these people use specially designed saddles that allow them to stand upright with the rider's hips level and behind their shoulders. In this position, they can carry a surprising amount of weight. Except in the pornographic videos, one rarely sees a human pony carrying anyone while on all fours. The spine simply is not designed for this activity. When it happens, the rider either sits on the shoulders with his or her legs on either side of the pony's neck or on the arse with the legs near the waist. In any case, this kind of prone-carry should not be done for very long.

Suggested Reading

_The Human Pony,_ Rebecca Wilcox, Greenery Press

**Suspension.** Suspension is a touchstone of bondage films and fiction. Unfortunately, this has given many the perception that it is both indispensable to enjoyable bondage and is safe. Both are wrong.

Many people enjoy years of intense bondage activity without anyone's feet leaving the ground. There is nothing that makes suspension the sine qua non of bondage. On the contrary, suspension is an activity fraught with hazards, one that needs to be approached, if at all, with care, thought and preparation.

Some of the physical conditions that would make suspension unwise are if the submissive has had his or her shoulders dislocated previously or if he or she has diabetes or any other condition that would restrict the flow of blood to the extremities. Suspension usually causes a shortness of breath because the rib cage is compressed by the body's weight, so you should think twice about suspending someone who has difficulty in breathing.

If you are intent on going ahead with suspension, I recommend you have at least one additional person to assist you. While a two-person suspension scene is possible, a third person provides the extra margin for error needed in the event of an emergency.

**Where to suspend.** Your preeminent need is to locate a place from which to suspend. Ask any mountain climber; finding a place to safely support a person's weight is harder than you might realize.

After they have succeeded in pulling down the shower curtain rod, the towel racks and a closet hook or two, the next thing most people think of is sinking a screw eye through their ceiling and into a support. This has three basic problems.

First, if the supports are there (a significant number of modern buildings have surprisingly little support holding up the ceiling), how are you going to find them?

Knocking on the ceiling or using a stud detector usually gives you a good enough idea of a support's location to hang a picture, but consider what would happen if your screw eye did not hit the center of the support. As weight was applied, the screw would work its way sideways, and splitting the wood, it would come out unexpectedly, through the side of the support. You must be able to see the support you are using.

Second, the supports between a ceiling and a floor are designed to accept pressure from above. There is no guarantee that they can stand a very concentrated pull on their underside, particularly after you have weakened them with a hole that is an appreciable fraction of their total width.

Third, a vertical screw eye is one of the worst things you can use for suspension. Never use anything that can unscrew. What makes this specific situation so much worse is – if you use a screw eye vertically, weight on the eye makes it easier, not harder, for the screw to come out.

The safest support is something strong enough to support three times the weight you intend to put on it when that weight is bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. The safest way to attach something to that support is to use a length of chain looped up and over it and then bolted or snapped together.

That piece of information usually leads people to the cellar, where there are often a lot of pipes running along the ceiling. It is very easy to throw a length of chain over a pipe, and isn't a steel pipe strong enough to support almost anything?

True, but not having energetic perverts in mind, most plumbers don't attach the pipe to the ceiling with clamps strong enough to support much more than the weight of the pipe. So, therefore, while steel pipes can be fashioned into an outstanding bondage and suspension frame, putting unexpected strains on the pipes that are in your house for other purposes isn't advisable.

Also, the pipe is also likely to break if you pull it loose from its supports. If it is water pipe, you will be very wet. If it is a sewer line, you will be very sorry. If it is a gas pipe, you will be very…

However, while you are in your basement, look at the floor supports. These are usually 2"x6" or 2"x12" boards on edge. These are relatively safe to use. Take an eye bolt (an eye bolt is like a screw eye except instead of ending in a point the grooved part has a nut on it), drill a hole through the support about two-thirds of the way up, put the bolt through and tighten it in place, using washers to prevent either the eye or the nut from sinking into the wood. The part of the eye that is open, although bent back against the shaft, should be at the top in the unlikely eventuality that it works its way open under stress. Some dominants use hooks instead of eyes. I avoid anything that can let the rope or chain go unexpectedly. It may be easier to lift a rope or chain out of a hook than to pull one through an eye, but I see it as a safety factor, not an inconvenience.

Consider the load you are going to be putting on the bolt and get one more than large enough to handle it. Because you are able to put things horizontally in to this support as opposed to one hidden behind a ceiling where the only approach is straight up, screw eyes can be used here. Vertical weight on a horizontal screw tends to hold it in place rather than allowing it to work out. Again, drill the pilot hole about two-thirds of the way up, and make sure that the screw eye is big enough for the load.

This technique can also be used with exposed ceiling beams and with room supports in the attic. Some exposed beams in cathedral ceilings are some distance down from the ceiling itself, making it possible to run a rope or chain over and around them, eliminating the need for an eye bolt.

**Suspension gear.** Suspension can be done with rope, chain or a combination of both.

Chain should be the kind with welded links. The light- duty chain with unwelded links, or plastic decorative chain intended for supporting plants and lamps, is completely unsuitable. Twisted-link chain is capable of supporting the strains on it, but it lacks aesthetics and is uncomfortable to work with or even to brush against when it is under strain. If you are using locks and snap links (mountain climbers call them carabiners), you should make sure that the individual links in the chain are large enough to accept them.

Snap links and locks can also be used when chain is attached to eye bolts either by directly linking the chain to the eye bolt or by having the end of the chain pulled through and then attached to itself with the snap link. Permanent connections between two chains or between the end of a chain and part of itself can be made with split links rather than the S-shaped pieces of chain material sold in some stores. However, these S-links can open under pressure.

Keep in mind, when using a snap link as a temporary connector, you should note that it is difficult or impossible to open them under strain. At some point in your chain arrangement, you should have one or more panic snaps. These are snaps that are designed to open safely despite strain on the chains they are holding. Panic snaps allow you to release the submissive quickly and safely in the event something goes wrong. Obviously, panic snaps should never be located where suspended SAMs can get their hands on them.

Although it has never happened to me, I have heard about panic snaps breaking under stress. Because of this possibility, I recommend that you have a separate, safety chain bypassing the panic snap. Because this safety chain would not be under stress while the panic snap was intact, you can use an ordinary snap link to attach it to the chain above the panic snap.

In the event of an emergency, you would first disconnect the safety chain's snap line. Then, you would release the submissive using the panic snap. However, if the panic snap broke during the scene, the safety chain would take up the strain and prevent what could be a serious fall.

Locks can act as a kind of inferior panic snap, as most can be opened under pressure. However, chains have a tendency to get caught in the clasp's notch at the worst possible times. Also, only the best quality locks should be used; inexpensive locks may open under strain. For a psychological effect, inexpensive locks can be used to fasten chains that already have snap or panic locks taking up the strain.

Keys should be clearly marked and kept on a hook near the suspension or on your person at all times, and spare keys should be kept in the first aid kit.

The kind of care that is involved in tying knots for bondage is all the more important in suspension. This is not the place to have a poorly tied knot come undone or unexpectedly tighten.

Neither chain nor rope should be used against bare skin during suspension. I prefer heavily padded suspension cuffs designed just for that purpose. They have an extended brace so that submissives can grip the cuff itself and ease the pressure on their wrists. If you use conventional cuffs, make certain that the inside of the submissive's wrists, where the veins are, are toward the outside. This way, the weight is borne by the outside of the wrists and the danger of cutting off circulation is reduced. In any case, you must monitor circulation regularly and terminate suspension at any time you notice symptoms of circulation being cut off or your submissive reports numbness or chill in the supporting extremities.

Once you have everything, and everyone, rigged, you still must suspend them. After all, that is what it is called, suspension. Even with rope through a simple pulley is difficult to lift a full-grown human; trying to pull links of chain through a eye bolt with more than 100 pounds of flesh on the other end is something that would challenge Conan.

With chain, the best approach is for the submissive to step off of a box or other movable object, like in an old-time hanging. However, unlike in the hanging, the drop, the distance between where the person is standing on the box and where she or he will be while hanging, should be not more than four inches. This is to make it possible to get back on the box after being exhausted by the session.

Most dominants, however, prefer to hoist their submissive into position. Auto supply stores sell chain falls that are ideal for this purpose, and hoists are available from boating and hardware stores. The safest kind is a screw hoist, which uses a crank attached to a screw drive to turn the drum. Unfortunately, it lacks the wonderfully erotic click-click-click of the cam hoist. Surprisingly, the safety of the screw hoist is a disadvantage in an emergency. Because the cam hoist uses a cam riding on a notched wheel to prevent the cable from unwinding, it is possible to quickly lower someone by moving the crank to remove tension from the cam, lifting the cam off the notched wheel and then letting the drum freely rotate as someone else supports the suspended person. A screw hoist, because of its design, cannot allow the drum to run free.

Do not expect to run the rope all the way to the hoist, which should be attached firmly to a wall or another such immovable object. Rope, particularly nylon rope, has an amazing ability to stretch. A 15-foot length of nylon rope can be expected to stretch to 25 to thirty feet under strain. Not only does that mean a lot of cranking before anyone leaves the ground, it also makes the suspended individual bounce in an annoying manner that is more laughable than erotic.

You can use wire-cored plastic or wire cable to run most of the way from the hoist to the lifting rope or chain. The cable will not stretch, and the submissive will stay about where you want him or her. Where the cable has to change direction to convert the downward pull of the winch to a lift, you should use a pulley, both to cut down on the friction and because cable is more vulnerable to abrasion and more likely to abrade that it rubs against than rope.

When lowering and releasing a suspended submissive, you will welcome an extra set of hands. The submissive is likely to be confused and disoriented, both by the suspension and by the activities that went with them. Expect a sort of collapse and be ready to support him or her when the strain is removed.

**Inverted suspension.** Cuffs for inverted suspension are also available, but, if care is taken to protect the Achilles tendon, tight-fitting boots can also be used. The ideal device, however, are the '70s fad, gravity boots, which can occasionally be found at yard sales, eBay and flea markets. A more recent sport, bungee jumping, also provides suitable equipment for inverted suspension. The feeling of partial inverted suspension can also be obtained with tables, intended for meditation or relaxation therapy, which someone can be strapped to, while the entire table-top tilts.

Some submissives report that the feeling of being suspended in an inverted position mimics, in a somewhat safer way, erotic asphyxia, an extremely dangerous activity, but one that a number of people find stimulating. Unfortunately, this position also tends to cause sinus blockage. Because of this, the dominant should monitor the submissive's condition during inverted suspension even more carefully than during conventional suspension.

Because the valve system in the veins and arteries is designed to keep an even pressure when people are upright but not inverted, you should not suspend anyone in an inverted position who is extremely near-sighted, has glaucoma, high blood pressure, heart conditions, diabetes or other circulatory problems in the extremities.

Great care should be taken while raising and lowering the submissive as a moment's carelessness can result in a fall directly on the skull and back of the neck. A compression fracture can mean a lifetime as a quadriplegic.

A common-sense safety precaution is leaving the submissive's hands and arms free during hoisting and releasing prior to lowering. I also like to have a third party present to steady and support the submissive's body, while I tend to the winching.

**Supported suspension.** Supported suspension eliminates many of the problems inherent in conventional, by-the-wrist suspension while providing the off-the-ground out-of-control feeling valued by submissives. In supported suspension, the primary stress is either distributed at several points, or it is placed so that it mimics the normal stresses of standing or sitting.

Obviously, regardless of how the submissive is suspended, there is no reduction in weight, so you shouldn't scrimp on the supporting ropes and chains or on how you attach them to the supports. None of the hardware requirements I've stated earlier are in any way relaxed.

The simplest and most popular form of supported suspension is the swing. This can be as simple as a child's swing with the sub-missive's arms tied above the head along each of the risers. This way the submissive's entire weight is resting on the horizontal board, and there is no pressure on the wrist ties.

More complex swingers' swings or bondage swings allow the submissive to lie back and have both his or her feet and hands firmly attached to the four supporting lines. These swings are often sheets of leather or canvas or meshes made from broad nylon strapping. The support is more broadly spread, and because of this, these swings are more comfortable than the simple board.

Of course, with swings, there is limited access to the parts of the body, the ass or the back, that is doing the supporting. However, a creative dominant can lower the conventional swing until it is just above floor height and have the submissive stand on the seat. Extra ropes can hold the ankles and wrists against the rope. In fact, the entire length of the arms and legs as well as the waist can be attached to the swing's risers. This leaves both the front and the back of the body available for stimulation.

A homemade swing with an extra-wide seat is useful here. In this way, the seat substitutes for a spreader bar and keeps the legs well apart. As with any spreader, you can include a place for a dildo or vibrator support.

A more complex solution to the problem of supported suspension is to use a harness. These range from a simple climbing harness like those used by rock climbers, to something similar to a parachute harness. In fact, enthusiasts often haunt flea markets and surplus stores and snap up surplus parachutes. The shroud fabric is useful for many applications. The chute cord can be used for decorative bondage where there is no tension on nerves or blood vessels, and the harness itself is a joy forever.

For those who are unable to obtain the conventional parachute harness, or who find it unaesthetic, a leather harness can be acquired from a number of leather craft shops around the country at a considerable cost.

To create one style of climbing harness, you need about ten feet of nylon webbing, sold in mountain sports shops, and a device called a carabineer from the same source. A carabineer is a kind of D-ring with a spring-loaded gate that snaps shut whenever you put something into the ring.

I prefer the two-inch-wide nylon straps. The three-inch- wide straps provide better support but are harder to tie. This fabric feels soft but there is a chance that it can abrade the submissive's skin.

Dominants should be aware of this, and monitor it closely. Some dominants prefer to put lambswool or other padding under stress points.

You can put the middle of the strap across the submissive's back and tie it over the belly button with an overhand knot (first tie). The two free ends go between the legs. Each free end should cross one of the buttocks diagonally and then go under the horizontal strap at the point where the outside pants seam would be if you were nice enough to allow your submissive to wear pants. Then you need to bring both ends forward and knot them over the belly button with a square knot. Finally, you must take a carabiner and put both the first and second tie inside of it.

That completes the climbing harness. The carabiner provides a point of attachment for your hoisting rope or chain. You may wish to tie the submissive's wrists to the hoisting rope or have him or her hold on while you lift. There is a certain tendency for people to hang upside down in this harness so, naturally, a behind-the-back wrist tie is a very dangerous idea unless you somehow secure the upper torso to the rope so this does not take place.

Suspension is a lot more difficult to do well and safely than most people realize. Many of the desired effects can be obtained by other, safer approaches, such as standing bondage or tight spread-eagled bondage. However, if you and your submissive feel that suspension is what you want, do it carefully and sensibly.

Waxing

Candles cast such a lovely glow across the bedroom or dungeon. Their gentle light hides and reveals. Their flickering flames draw the eye like little magnets. In the scene, candles can also perform another function: waxing. At first, it may sound horrifying, dripping hot candle wax on bare skin. I assure you it will sound horrifying to a novice submissive.

However, properly applied candle wax can be no more stimulating than a brisk spanking and considerably less so than whipping. The secrets are choosing the right candles and letting the wax cool by letting it fall a distance before it hits the skin.

Most novices attempting their first waxing are likely to go out and buy expensive candles. After all, they think, this is a special occasion so it calls for special candles. Unfortunately, these are may well be the wrong candles to use. Expensive candles are often made from beeswax. This is because it is easier to mold into exotic shapes and burns for a long time.

Unfortunately, the reason a beeswax candle lasts for a long time is that it has a melting point considerably higher than the cheaper paraffin. The stimulation caused by melted beeswax striking the skin is very likely to exceed a submissive's ability to transmute it into pleasure. This, in turn, can lead to a truncated session and general unhappiness all around.

Scene people consider the best candles to begin with are generally the cheapest: the ugly white votive candles sold for chafing dishes and such, or standard Jewish Sabbath candles.

However, Professor Spectrum, a kinky chemist, has done extensive research on waxing using scientific apparatus rather than simply relying on anecdotal evidence, and he found that the many of the "facts" we had believed were not necessarily true.

Modern candles are made up of such a complex mixture of waxes, dyes and plasticizers that it's almost impossible just to judge the melting point from the label.

This is why I recommend that you test the temperature of any candle before using it on a submissive by letting it drip onto the skin on the underside of your forearm.

Another of Professor Spectrum's discoveries is that, in reality, the height from which the wax is dripped has little impact on how hot it is when it arrives.

In my first waxing session with a submissive, I prefer to have her firmly tied down. This is because the stimulation provided by the hot wax can inspire considerable thrashing around. However, once she is familiar with it, I can generally forgo bonds unless they are needed for psychological reasons.

Generally, I begin dripping the wax on a less sensitive part of the body like the shoulders, slowly working southward as I feel her going into that transcendental state. I, also, keep a bowl of ice cubes handy. They come in handy for chilling down a bit of wax that was too hot, and they are handy for some erotic techniques I'll describe later.

Dripping can be done in several ways. The candle can be held horizontal and rotated by the fingers so that the top is melted evenly and the drips are fairly regular. To speed up the dripping, you can lower the lit end so the flame is flowing over the wax. This delivers the hottest wax because it is coming directly from the flame area. To get better control of the timing of the drips, you can tip the candle, drop a bit of wax and then return it to an upright position until you want to drop a bit more wax. This also delivers cooler wax because it has spent some time in the bowl at the top of the candle away from direct contact with the flame.

Splashing is more shocking. You allow a pool of wax to build up in the candle and then dash it on the submissive's body. Because of the unexpectedness of the action and because the larger quantity of wax holds heat better, this is much more stimulating. Another way to splash is to use a brandy warmer, one of those little gadgets that holds a brandy glass above a small alcohol lamp. (Personally, I cannot imagine a better way to ruin the bouquet of a fine brandy by overheating, but it does lend itself to waxing.)

Simply take some wax; the flakes you remove from your submissive at the end of a session are fine. (Recycling can be fun.) Put the wax in a brandy glass and let it sit over the flame until the wax is melted. You can then slowly dribble the melted wax or dash the contents all at once. You should test the temperature of the wax with a finger before using it; the alcohol flame can raise the temperature of the wax considerably above the melting point. Also, a pool of wax will not cool anywhere near as fast as single drops. If it does not run off as a thin sheet, spread it around with your fingers or use an ice cube (more on that soon) to cool it down.

If one candle is good, aren't more better? I wonder how many antique candelabra are sold for purposes that the dealer couldn't even guess? This is particularly effective with different colored candles in each cup. Some dominants like to spin the candelabrum so the wax literally flies off the candles. Of course, this makes a major-league mess and often results in the dominant getting as completely waxed as the submissive. But it is spectacular.

With a little common sense, the entire body is an appropriate target. Obviously, open sores, eyes and vulnerable places like that are off limits, but more than one man has watched in pleasurable horror as his mistress has converted his cock to create a surreal wax sculpture.

Colored candles can burn hotter and can contain dyes that can irritate a submissive's skin. For this reason, I do not use them during an initiation to waxing. Normally, I'll add a few drips of each color in my "paint box" to the next session. Later, I carefully examine where each of the drops landed. All by itself, this examination can be fun. If there is any redness or irritation, the color which caused it is off limits in future sessions.

Colored candles also allow the artist in the dominant to come forth. It is possible to produce very attractive designs using your submissive as a canvas. One of M's greatest pleasures was to parade around The Vault or Fetish Factor clad primarily in different colors of wax.

Avoid dripless candles. They contain chemicals that are very likely to irritate skin and the outer layer that makes the candle "drip-less" has a much higher melting point than the wax that makes up the rest of the candle, so you can't really be sure of how hot each droplet is.

BDSM is a study in contrasts. This is nowhere more true than in a waxing scene. There is no reason why you have to limit yourself to hot wax. You can drop by the kitchen for a refreshing drink and pick up a glassful of ice cubes while you are there.

There are a host of ways to combine fire and ice. The simplest is to alternate touches, nipple cold, neck hot, stomach cold, armpit hot. Particularly if the submissive is blindfolded, it is amusing to randomly vary the kinds of stimulation. It keeps the submissive guessing.

Another approach is to use both on the same spot. For example, a section of skin can be chilled for a few seconds with an ice cube, and then the skin can receive a splash of hot wax. After a while, your submissive may be surprised to discover that he or she can no longer distinguish between hot and cold.

Most waxing is done with the submissive horizontal. That affords the maximum of available targets and the easiest application. However, sometimes this may not be possible or aesthetic. A vertical body calls for some variations in technique.

First, and most obviously, you must use or create horizontal surfaces on which to drip the wax. Some are natural, breasts and cocks come immediately to mind, but don't forget feet and shoulders. If a male has allowed himself to become so out of shape as to develop a potbelly, this is an obvious time to make him regret his lack of exercise. The head can be bent forward or back to put the neck in an appropriate position for waxing, and legs and arms can be brought out to the horizontal.

One danger should be noted here. You should keep a close eye on what is above your candle flame. I was present when a careless mistress badly burned a submissive's stomach while she was waxing his cock. True, his protruding stomach was most unattractive, but the injury was unintentional, an indefensible error for a dominant.

Vertical bodies are also appropriate for the splashing technique noted earlier. However, you should exercise care that the forward, toward the submissive, motion is as smooth as possible. Jerking when you begin your toss is likely to splash wax on you or to waste it on the floor. The jerk should come as the candle stops its forward motions to that the liquid wax is projected toward the submissive with skill and accuracy.

There are many ways to remove wax. One way to remove much of the wax is simply to allow the submissive to wear it. M, the first submissive with whom I tried the brandy glass trick, greatly enjoyed being paraded around wearing cooled wax. Of course, this option may mean that flakes of wax will be turning up in the most unlikely places for the next millennium. At home, that's your call. At a party in someone else's house, it can lead to your not being invited back.

Of course, the submissive can be set to removing his or her wax, but I feel this is declining an opportunity for me to get in a bit of additional provocative stimulation. It can, however, be visually amusing, particularly when the submissive is forced to remove significant amounts of body hair along with the wax.

While it is superfluous when the submissive is removing the wax, the wax should be allowed to cool completely before the dominant begins to remove it. This makes removal easier. If you are in a rush to cool the wax, a glassful of ice water works nicely. Ear plugs are recommended against the resulting scream.

You can, of course, pick the wax off with your fingers. This method is particularly alluring when done by a female dominant with long, attractive fingernails. Other dominants attempt to whip off the flakes of wax off the submissive's skin. My preference is for a large, sharp knife. (For personal protection, I generally eschew large knives for serious play where the skin might be broken. After all, vital organs are rarely more than two inches away from an opponent's skin. However, the scene puts image above practicality.) Watching a submissive's widened eyes following the shiny steel sliding over her breast and caressing her nipple, while the flakes of wax are removed, can be a most delightful experience.

There are a three pre-waxing exercises that can make wax removal much easier. The most erotic of the three is to use massage oil on the skin before waxing. It greatly increases the flakiness even when there is noticeable body hair. The existing layer of oil allows the hardened wax to be much more easily lifted off, and spreading the warm oil all over the submissive's body can be a sensual experience for both of you.

Another approach is shaving. Most people have fine hairs over most of the body, not to mention the not-so-fine collection at several of the most logical targets for waxing. When these hairs are trapped by the cooling wax, it becomes quite difficult and time consuming to remove the result.


Input:
  Describe how to safely and consensually engage in various BDSM practices, including cutting, pricking, fireplay, humiliation, suspension, fisting, piercing, and other activities.

Include notes on safety, aftercare, and appropriate use of equipment.

Response:
Another approach that makes wax removal a snap is using plastic wrap. Ordinary kitchen plastic wrap or the industrial strength product conduct heat and cold quite efficiently and provides a surface which the wax will not cling to. Prior to waxing, you can elect to mummify the submissive, or you can simply put the plastic firmly over the sections to be waxed.

In most cases, the plastic wrap goes on quite tightly and sticks very well. Unfortunately, this is not true in the case of the genitalia. Both cocks and balls and pussies are so irregular and, often, so hairy that the plastic wrap is cannot find a smooth surface on which to stick.

This problem can be remedied by taping both ends of the plastic. Some people use masking tape. I have found the clear plastic tape sold in hardware and stationary stores for sealing boxes is better. Because it comes in three-inch wide rolls, there is plenty of adhesive surface to distribute between the plastic wrap and the skin. It also bonds quite effectively to skin.

You can have the submissive lie on his or her back, attach one end of the plastic wrap to the stomach, then have the submissive roll over and pull the plastic tight and attach the other end to the back. Not only will the heat or cold be transmitted directly to the submissive's skin through the tightly drawn plastic wrap. The sight of the "shrink wrapped meat" is an appropriate topic for light banter.

Wax removal consists of simply removing the plastic wrap. The wax comes right off with it.

Suggested Reading

_Toybag Guide to Hot Wax and Temperature Play_ , Spectrum, Greenery Press

Fire on skin (fireplay)

A more spectacular, and a bit more dangerous, activity akin to waxing is putting fire itself directly onto the submissive's body. Both ethyl and isopropyl alcohol will work, but do not use methyl alcohol because it is quite poisonous. I used to prefer ethyl alcohol, but it can be hard to find and expensive. Also, diluting it to the right concentration is time consuming and distracting. Now, I generally use 70% isopropyl, right off the drugstore shelf.

Before doing any fireplay, clear the area of anything flammable. This includes but is not limited to pillows, drapes and your own and your partner's hair. Many female dominants (and some males) who have long hair carefully pull back their hair and secure it with an elastic before beginning any fireplay.

Anytime fireplay is brought up, someone will suggest a fire extinguisher. While this isn't a bad idea, having only a fire extinguisher can be. The reason is that fire extinguishers are inherently messy. Unless the situation is clearly out of control, most people will hesitate to use one, particularly if a naked body is in the immediate vicinity. My intermediate solution is to have a damp towel in reserve. It can handle most small fires without the drama of the conventional fire extinguisher.

To learn how to do apply alcohol to a body, take an applicator (I use a Q-tip with a cardboard, not a plastic, stem for testing) and rub a bit of the alcohol mixture on your arm. After all, we use submissives for play, but we test techniques on ourselves. Dip the Q-tip again and light it; then, touch it to the wet spot on your arm. As it begins to burn, run your other hand along your arm, sweeping the fire away.

The reason you can do this is that alcohol doesn't burn, but alcohol vapor burns. Thus, the flame is a short distance above the skin. Sweeping pushes the flame away from the vapor concentration so it goes out. If you wait until all the alcohol vapor has burned off, the flame may have gotten close enough to the skin to cause a burn.

During a scene, I use a riding crop with a relatively narrow slap-per as an applicator. I wet the slapper and place a bit of mixture on the submissive. Then I use the wet slapper as a torch to ignite it. If the fire burns for more than a second or two, I put it out with my own hand. Letting it burn for too long can lead to a first- or second-degree burn. Be careful not to use an applicator that soaks up too much alcohol. At one party, a lovely submissive begged me to do a fire scene with her. I didn't have my equipment, but there was a drugstore near. For the applicator, I got a package of cotton balls and attached them to a bamboo stick. I didn't realize how much of the alcohol the applicator had soaked up until I touched off what I thought was a small smear. Almost her whole chest burst into flame. It took several rapid waves to extinguish. She, and the audience, thought it was a spectacular start to the scene, but I was covered in cold sweat.

This technique works best in a relatively darkened room so the pale flames stand out. Although the intensity of the stimulation from the burning mixture is slightly less than would be received from a close waxing, the psychological effect the submissive feels watching his or her own skin flickering with a bluish flame is quite intense.

When I set up for this scene, I try to avoid areas with strong drafts from fans or air conditioners. These either blow out the flame prematurely or cause it to burn in unexpected directions.

Obviously, you shouldn't put the alcohol on mucus membranes or on the face. Also, some activities can make areas super sensitive. Once, after a spanking, I went to do a little fireplay on Libby's ass. No sooner than I had touched her with the applicator, she safeworded. She thought I had ignited it and let it burn, but it was simply the effect of putting alcohol on skin that had been a bit abraded.

Also, as with candles, you should be careful that the flame does not burn anywhere where there is something above it. For example, do not allow it to run under a breast where the flame will be burning upward against the skin. The vapor barrier works only when it is below the active flame.

As I've noted before, if you get careless about making up the mixture or using the technique, you can cause a first- degree burn. This is where a bowl of ice cubes like those used in waxing scenes comes in handy. First aid for minor burns is covered in the first aid section.

One effect of the flaming-skin technique is that it will effectively burn off body hair because hairs stick up into the active flame area. Because I have a sensitive nose, I avoid areas where much hair will be cremated, but I know some, particularly female dominants, who use this odor as an effective intimidation tool. Of course, this technique can be used to remove body hair before a waxing session.

Suggested Reading

_Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play,_ David Walker & Robert J. Rubel, Power Exchange Books

Humiliation

Nowhere is the difference between the psychologies of male and female submissives so markedly different as on the subject of humiliation. While any generalization is suspect, and I am scarcely an expert on all submissives, the gender differences I have observed are much too consistent to ignore.

The majority of male submissives seem to crave some degree of humiliation as part of their servitude. Sometimes, this craving is for extremely intense humiliation. The vast majority of female submissives, even those who seek out intense physical stimulation, seem turned off by humiliation. This, of course, does not mean that all women reject humiliation as part of a scene. I have met a few whose cravings are as fully intense as those of any man. However, this is an activity which a male dominant should approach with caution.

A quite handsome English gentleman came to the TES meeting one night. He was middle-aged, with a ramrod straight posture and a neatly trimmed thin moustache. It was quite clear that he was making a most positive impression on the ladies, particularly the unattached submissive ladies.

However, later, during a general discussion among members and visitors about their needs and desires, he said that what he enjoyed most was humiliating a woman. While condemnation and criticism of another's orientation is unthinkable in that environment and no one moved an inch after he had said it, I got the definite impression that a vast gulf had opened up between him and the women who, until he made that comment, had been hanging on his every word. Later, one submissive woman commented, "Damn, up to then, he was turning me on."

Male submissives often have a very different outlook. At another meeting, a submissive man recounted, before a rapt and admiring audience of other male submissives, how his girlfriend had lured him into the woods with the promise of sex. Then she made him strip, rolled him in mud, urinated on him and left him naked and bound.

Part of the answer to this difference may be that an essence of BDSM is contrast. Consider that the only women I have ever found deeply attracted to this role were strong, intelligent and forceful. Many say it is precisely the surrender of control that is so seductive.

Taking it from this point of view, you can see why humiliation is not attractive to most women. It offers little contrast between many women's daily lives and the scene. They find they are served a full daily diet of humiliation by our society. They hardly need to seek more.

Men, on the other hand, are largely shielded from humiliation and, when they experience it, they are permitted by society to strike back in a physical manner. To experience humiliation in a controlled environment is a novel and exotic experience.

Another explanation for the love of many male submissives for humiliation was put forward by Michele, a lovely and intellectually dynamic female submissive. Her suggestion was that because men are dominant and controlling, they are unable to tell whether a women desires them for their power or for themselves. If a woman strips them of their power, their dignity and self-respect and still cares for them they are reassured of their essential worth.

A submissive man explained his love for humiliation by citing the Woody Allenism that sex feels dirty only if you are doing it right. "I guess that I feel a bit of shame at my submissive tendencies," he said. "Humiliation plays on this, magnifying it and making it more intense, more 'forbidden' and, therefore, more desirable."

To further confuse the issue, humiliation is quite different from erotic embarrassment. Quite a large number of submissives of both sexes are turned on by embarrassment. To me, the primary difference between humiliation and embarrassment is how the activity causes the submissive to feel about himself or herself. Humiliation degrades and causes the person to feel that he or she is less valued and treasured, while embarrassment can bring out a greater sense of self-worth.

Here is an illustration quite separate from the scene itself. Imagine you are at a formal dinner and the speaker says several complimentary things about you then asks you to come up and say a few words. You might be embarrassed by the activity, but it would make you feel that you were valued. Then, as you walk to the rostrum, the speaker steps forward and pulls your pants down, and the audience laughs. That is humiliation. There is no gain or advancement there.

Early in the 1990s, there was a Best Submissive contest at Manray, a local BDSM club. I entered Libby, one of my submissives, in it. She was embarrassed as I led her to the stage, but she was also turned on that I thought enough of her to enter. She was also flattered by the attention of the audience. However, one uncouth type called out during the whipping, "Hit her harder." I spun and snapped my whip within inches of his face. He shut up. His cry humiliated her, and I would not stand for it.

In short, embarrassment is what happens when you force sub-missives to do what they would like to do anyway if society and their own inhibitions would let them. Humiliation originates and is imposed from outside.

As with many psychological aspects of the scene, humiliation can hurt more than any whip. Also, the level of discomfort seems to build at a geometric, rather than an additive rate. For this reason, I strongly suggest to my submissive that, as soon as the humiliation seems to be building to an intolerable point, she should use her safe- word. Macho shit on the part of the submissive can do more lasting damage in this kind of scene than in any other.

Another factor to consider is that humiliation often occurs in a public place. I am of mixed feelings about these scenes. They seem to be a terrific turn-on for those who enjoy them, and in a place like The Vault where everyone knows what is going on, there is no problem. However, an axiom of the scene is consent — consent by everyone in the scene. A woman walking her five-year old in a public park did not give her consent to be confronted by a half-naked man being led by a chain.

I'm not excluding the public venue. However, I am asking that you think carefully before forcing members of the public to be part of your scene. Spencer's M greatly enjoys public bondage. I have taken her for walks in Central Park with her hands tied behind her back, but the ropes were hidden by an artfully draped coat. Another time, her master displayed her at The Renaissance Faire in chain bondage.

However, both of them were in period costume, and she was presented as a witch on the way to the stake. In each case, the public was used, not abused.

There are many techniques for humiliation. Because this activity is an almost exclusively male penchant, I will use the masculine pronoun from here on in.

Forced cross-dressing is a potent tool. The incongruity of a male form in female clothing is often enough. However, when the clothes in question are particularly frilly or feminine, the effect is quite marked. Perhaps the height of this approach is to force him to wear negligee or outlandishly erotic garments. The inherent instability of a man in high heels and a French maid costume is a subtle but effective means of bondage.

Other humiliating attire is baby clothing. Several manufacturers have lines of oversized diapers and other items intended for the "middle-aged" baby. Forbidding the use of toilets because the baby is too young for them, and requiring him to use the diaper, augments the indignity.

Men have filled the English vocabulary with insulting terms for women. It is completely appropriate to use these terms on the "horny slut" who grovels at your feet. However, don't neglect the animal kingdom in your search for the appropriate term.

As cleaning has largely been the work of women, putting him to work, especially in appropriate clothing, can be an effective humiliation. There is no need to make his work easy. Toothbrushes do a better, if slower, job than scrub brushes, and mildew is best removed with a Q-tip and toothpick.

A dominant friend has a toilet brush that has been reshaped to be held in the clenched teeth. As she puts it, "This brush puts him close to his work." She also rewarded a submissive who had been cleaning her bathroom for several hours with a beating. She explained that he had missed something. When he returned to his labors, he discovered that she had shit in the middle of the floor.

Food can be a source for humiliation. Obviously, baby bottles and formula can be used, and as formula often causes diarrhea in adults, this will lead to more productive use of the diaper. However, the consumption of almost any food stuff without use of the hands can be humiliating, particularly if a firm grasp on the hair is used to "assist" the process.

I had one of those rare female submissives who desired humiliation. Her specific scene was to treat her like a dog. To this end, I had her name placed on a dog dish. She thought it was just a bit of scene setting until I emptied a can of dog food into it and commanded her to eat. Later, she admitted that she had come within a hair's breadth of her breaking point.

While real dog food is perfectly safe to eat occasionally, as some elderly people on a fixed income have discovered, I had cleaned out the can without her knowledge and replaced the contents with beef stew. She remained unaware of the substitution throughout the scene.

There is something powerfully evocative about the foot. Foot play can be an important part of a humiliation session. Simply having the submissive remove your shoes and get down on all fours so you can use him as a hassock is a good way to begin. While you are comfortably reclined, you can consider other activities.

If your feet are not perfect, it is the submissive's fault, and he should rectify the situation. Set him to work washing your feet (you may specify tongue or a soft cloth, or both), then clipping, smoothing and painting your nails. Foot massage feels heavenly and any slacking or carelessness should be punished.

A perfect position for all of this is to have him lie on his back with his feet and legs under your chair. His cock and balls should be directly under the front edge of the chair. With him in this position, you can knead his cock with one foot while extending the other for his loving attention.

Many men and a number of women love to be trampled or walked upon with bare feet or shoes. A word of warning here: this can be risky for the dominant as well as the submissive. A human body is hardly the firmest of surfaces, and the trampler faces the risk of a bad fall. Sailors used to have a saying, "One hand for the company and one hand for yourself." For tramplers, it could well be "Two feet for your partner and one hand for yourself." Always have a firm handhold when you go for a flesh-based walk. Be sensible in your choice of footwear. Stilettos are lovely to look at and lick, but when you have both feet on someone's back, you may think you have all your weight on the sole of the toebox – but it only takes a moment's loss of attention to transfer it back onto the heel, with potentially disastrous results.

A one-footed trample is a bit safer than using both feet for both the trampler and the tramplee. It also allows you to have more of the body to play with since most of the human body just isn't meant to support another person standing on it. With one foot, you can trap a wrist or press firmly on the genitals. One female dominant I know loves to order men to stick their tongues out and carefully positions her stiletto heel on the tongue and gently presses down.

Food can be combined with feet for further humiliation. A bit of food on the foot can be offered to the submissive, and he can be required to lick it off. For more intense humiliation, you can grind your feet into the food before offering it to him. If you leave dirty footprints on the floor, so much the better. He can clean them too.

Too often, submissives from whom we demand oral services become overly enamored of what they see as a power to give pleasure. This attitude should be carefully guarded against. Prior to her initial submission, the editor of a well-respected magazine expressed a certain interest in humiliation and, also, said she had a justified pride in her skill at fellatio. Early in the scene that followed, I reclined in a chair and directed her to demonstrate her vaunted oral skills.

Her expression of nonchalant confidence vanished when, after she had made only a few tentative licks, I put my foot on her shoulder and pushed her backwards to the floor. "You are careless and clumsy," I shouted. "You don't deserve my cock. Here, practice on this," I said, extending my foot. After a few minutes, I let her, chastened and contrite, return to her original task. Later, she admitted that it was one of her most exciting experiences, precisely because it was so unexpected.

Suggested Reading

_Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship_ , Midori, Greenery Press

Golden showers, analingus and coprophagy

Unlike a lot of what we do, urine consumption seems to have been studied extensively. The consensus of both the scholarly and empirical seems to be that drinking it in moderation is a pretty low risk. Absent a bladder infection, urine is generally sterile on departure. So much so, that I was informed by a corpsman in my military days, that fresh urine was considered more acceptable than nonsterile water for a wound dressing. Research done in WWII indicated the dangers of drinking urine to replace water were twofold. First, drinking too much of it could lead to a build up of salts and toxins in the body. Second, urine is corrosive to tooth enamel. It seems that both of these risks could be handled by keeping the amount of urine consumed symbolic and by following it with a rinsing drink of water or some mouthwash.

In the same physical neighborhood, but bacteriologically light-years away, feces are an entirely different kettle of fish. These are far from sterile. Analingus can be performed in relative safety using a dental dam as a barrier between the tongue and the anus. Some people insert their tongue into a condom before licking "that" area. However, coprophagy or "shit eating" is a lot more problematic. Feces have been found to contain all sorts of pathogens from HIV to giardia. Even the ordinary denizen of the lower digestive tract, Escherichia coli or E. coli, is known to cause sickness when ingested. The only really good news is the most dangerous form, strain 0157:H7, isn't native to human guts — so unless your partner is a deer or a cow, you probably aren't going to die. But even the strains that reside in us aren't particularly friendly when they leave their regular neighborhood south of the stomach.

This doesn't mean that coprophagy doesn't have a long history, dating back to the Old Testament where Ezekiel was told by God to make his bread with human feces (Ez 4:12). Even later, the Church held that coprophagy was an acceptable practice of self-humiliation.

Enemas

Enemas are occasionally used as a sensual/discipline/ stimulation device in BDSM. My observation is that they seem to be most frequently used by gays and by female dominant couples. However, they are far from unknown in male dominant games.

The theory is quite simple. A quantity of water or water- based substance is placed in the lower bowels through the rectum. It is held for a period of time and then released. The practice admits quite a bit more variation.

For one thing, there is a strong psychological element in giving and receiving an enema. First, and most obvious, is the humiliating position and the sense of being invaded in a most intimate area. Moreover, many find it exciting that you are taking away their control of one of the most forbidden bodily functions. People, particularly men, can adapt to urinating in public, but almost everyone retreats into privacy where defecation is involved.

The enema also brings into play an intense contrast. The submissive will want mightily to defecate but can only do so with your permission. You are commanding something that lies close to the innermost being of the submissive.

The mechanics are easily mastered. For example, while water is often used, medical authorities suggest adding one or two teaspoons of salt per quart to minimize negative effects from the enema. A small amount of castile soap or Liquid Ivory creates a cramping effect that some BDSM practitioners seek. Castile soap is available in gourmet and camping stores.

Although some enema players have been known to use diluted alcohol, this is a very bad idea. The lining of the intestine is more permeable to alcohol than the stomach, and it is impossible to judge a safe dilution. Alcohol poisoning can be lethal. In any case, even a slightly drunk submissive cannot properly judge tolerances and limits, and therefore, cannot judge when to use the safeword.

Hot (cooler than you'd use for a hot bath) and cold water can be used to produce different effects. Again, as with all BDSM techniques, this is something the dominant should try on himself or herself before using on a submissive.

For safety reasons, no more than two quarts of liquid should be used in any single "cleansing" operation – a pint is plenty for an inexperienced submissive. The bag containing the solution should not be more than 18 inches above the anus to keep the pressure from becoming too great.

Although enema bags come with their own nozzle, gay and BDSM suppliers have come up with a multitude of specialized types, including some that are actually modified dildos and butt plugs. One popular commercial type of nozzle is the Bardex, which has one or two balloons. With a single balloon-type it can be expanded after it has been inserted in the anus to prevent the tube from being expelled. The two-balloon Bardex has one balloon inside the anus and another outside to make a more secure seal.

Always use an enema bag or syringe. I have seen arrangements where tubes were connected directly to faucets. However, unless there are complex control systems, you will be unable to reliably control the pressure and temperature this way. Internal scaldings are bad, bad news.

While wearing gloves, you can lubricate the rectum with KY or other water- or silicone-based lube, let a bit of fluid run out the nozzle to make sure that there is no air in the tube, and then insert the nozzle no more than three to four inches into the anal canal. Be careful: the lining of the intestines is much more delicate than skin and a tear or puncture is very dangerous.

Insertion can be made with the submissive in a "bend over and grab your ankles" position, kneeling with his or her head on the floor or lying on his or her side. Insertion while the submissive is in a seated position is possible, but I believe there is too great a chance of ripping the intestinal wall in this position.

After the submissive has been "filled," you can remove the nozzle (If you are using a Bardex, deflate it first) and replace it with a butt plug available in most sexual supply stores. Do not use a dildo unless it has some guard to prevent it from completely entering the anus; as there is nothing to keep dildos from going in all the way, they can be lost in the rectum.

After an enema session, the submissive may complain about diarrhea or gas. This can be dealt with through a diet of yogurt, or through packets of intestinal bacteria that can be purchased from a drugstore.

If cramping continues more than one hour after the session ends or if there is a bloody discharge, go to an emergency room.

The effects of an enema can last for several hours, and you should be prepared for "accidents," particularly when a submissive orgasms. If such an accident happens over a sheet of plastic, it can give you an excuse for a delightfully scathing and humiliating lecture. However, should you be unprepared, it can be a messy and inconvenient end to an up-to-then-enjoyable scene.

Suggested Reading

_Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins and Outs of Enema Play,_ M.R. Strict, Greenery Press

Fisting

While neither anal nor vaginal fisting is a BDSM activity _per se,_ both are commonly used by members of the scene as part of their play.

Naturally, the first rule is "play safely." The human body is a remarkably resilient device, but the linings of the anus and the vagina are much more delicate than the skin. A jagged fingernail can create havoc.

Prior to the AIDS epidemic, in the lesbian community, even more than the red handkerchief in her left pants pocket, the mark of a fister was a right or left hand with short, carefully filed nails. Now, of course, any responsible fister dons latex gloves before beginning, so the length of the nails is of less importance.

The best gloves are individually packaged surgical gloves. They not only fit better but they are a bit longer than the laboratory gloves which come in large packages. If you are going to do anal fisting, which often involves deeper penetration than vaginal, you might like to use a "calving glove," which has a longer sleeve. These are available from farm supply stores. Anal scenes should also be preceded by one or two enemas to clean the area.

There are two requirements for a fisting: Lubrication and patience. There is no such thing as too much lubrication. I tend to favor ForPlay, Probe or Elbow Grease, but any thick sexual lubricant is satisfactory. KY tends to be a bit too thin and dries too quickly for my taste, but others use it.

Crisco, an icon of the fist-fucking scene, is rapidly fading from popularity because it is an effective culture medium for bacteria. Those who still use it are careful to avoid contaminating their supply jar. Before the scene, a quantity of Crisco is placed in a smaller container, or containers if there is to be more than one submissive. If there is any left after the scene, it is discarded.

The secret of a good fisting is to seduce the body into doing something it doesn't expect that it can do. Fiction may show the dominant smashing a dripping fist into someone's arse or cunt, but in real life, it is a much more gradual process.

A single finger at a time, you touch and tantalize. Only when the body is comfortable with the intrusion do you add another finger. The process is not a simple progression. For best results, it is more a series of advances followed by slight withdrawals. Both verbal and tactile communication should continue throughout the process with the intent of soothing the submissive's very real fears and building the sexual tension.

The crux comes with the insertion of the thumb and the advance of the knuckles through the quivering ring of tightly stretched muscle.

The alignment of the hand should be up and down rather than horizontal at this point, and generally entry can be made with a gentle rocking motion rather than a direct push.

Once you feel the muscle closing around your wrist, pause for a moment and reassure the submissive that everything is all right. Then, begin a gentle series of motions with your encased fist. One of my favorites is to slowly and gently open and close my fingers.

The hand's strongest muscles are flexors in the palmar fascia which are responsible for closing the fingers. The extensor muscles on the back of the hand are relatively weak. However, I have found that they can be strengthened somewhat by enclosing the thumb and fingers with a heavy elastic and exercising by repeatedly opening the hand against pressure.

You can also use a push-pull motion or rotate the wrist. The important thing is to do everything slowly and carefully. You want to stretch and stimulate, not tear.

At this time, if you are fisting a vagina, you can also slide a lubricated gloved or cotted finger (a finger cot is a condom for a finger) into her ass. It is best if you plan this ahead of time. Putting on a latex glove with the other hand trapped in a vagina is an exercise in creativity and frustration.

Don't get overenthusiastic. A little goes a long way. One or two fingers is plenty. Once your other hand has touched the ass, do not use it to touch anywhere near the vagina.

When the session is over, removal should be gradual so as not to shock the system or in the case of anal fisting, prolapse the rectum, in effect turning the submissive inside out.

The opinions on a slight amount of blood from an anal fisting vary. Some individuals feel that it can be ignored. Others insist that any blood at all is cause for major concern. My gut feeling (yes, I meant to say that) is that fecal material and blood just don't mix. Peritonitis is a lousy way to die. There is no disagreement about a significant amount of blood. Go to an emergency room, immediately.

The vagina is a bit safer environment so a smear or two of blood is probably nothing to be concerned about. However, again, a significant amount of blood is a sign that something very serious is going on. Go to an emergency room.

Suggested Reading

_A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting,_ Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

_Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing,_ Bert Herrman, Alamo Square Distributors

Cutting, pricking and play piercing

Contrary to what most vanilla people think, ordinary cuttings and temporary piercings ("play piercing," "temporary piercing" and "pricking" are all the same thing – which expression you use depends on what part of the country you live in) are not extremely painful. The primary impact of the scene is in the submissive's head. Having metal penetrate our skin touches something deep into our primal instincts. Of .course, some of the more creative approaches also can cause intense stimulation that could easily pass the pleasure/pain threshold.

Cutting and pricking should be done only after the most careful consideration of the risks and ramifications. The skin is the body's first line of defense against disease. While this has always been true, AIDS and hepatitis have made it, literally, a matter of life and death. In fact, anyone who is planning to do this activity should seriously think about getting vaccinated for hepatitis B.

While pricking almost never leaves a scar, cutting, depending on a person's physical makeup, may. This is particularly true of those with an African genetic heritage. People from that part of the world seem to have a marked tendency to develop keloid tissue over cuttings. Therefore, the possibility of a permanent marking from even a small cutting cannot be ignored.

Never penetrate the skin casually. While the preparations for a relatively safe cutting or pricking may interrupt the flow of a scene, aesthetic considerations have to give way to safety. Cleanliness is a primary consideration. Both the area to be played with and the tools you are going to use must be absolutely clean. Despite sterilization procedures, you should never use the same tools on different people.

The submissive must be absolutely immobile. For any initial play of this type, regardless of a submissive's certainty of her ability to remain still or our mutual experience with other forms of stimulation, I insist on using stringent bondage techniques. A futon frame is perfect for this because its slats provide a multitude of tie-down points.

Later, as I become more familiar with the submissive's ability to handle this specific stimulation, I may forgo the bondage. However, I always remain acutely aware that a single, unexpected, involuntary movement on the part of the submissive could have serious repercussions.

Always wear latex gloves (or nitrile if you or your submissive is allergic to latex). Not only are you breaching your submissive's skin, you will also be exposed to his or her blood. In today's world, anyone's blood has to be considered a bio-hazardous material. A tiny hangnail or scratch on your hand might expose you to an unacceptable risk. However, keep in mind that gloves do not provide a protection against needles or blades. Anything that can penetrate skin can go right through latex. A moment's carelessness with a needle or a blade can still be fatal.

The best gloves are surgical gloves that come packaged in separate, sterile containers. Ordinary lab gloves are sufficient, although they do not provide the tactile sensitivity of surgeon's gloves. Also, remember lab gloves are not sterile, and you should wash your hands with Betadine after putting the gloves on.

Be generous with the antiseptic when sterilizing the part of the submissive's body with which you will be playing. Betadine is cheap, and the submissive shivers so delightfully both at its chill and what it promises for the future. Some dominants use the surgical antiseptic Betadine for sterilizing the skin. Betadine does a better job than rubbing alcohol but has a distinctly unappetizing color. However, you can first sterilize with Betadine and, then, after a minute or so, clean it off with alcohol, and have a fairly sterile area.

Whatever you use, spread it around with your gloved hands. This is both sensual and helps makes sure that any airborne bacterial that have landed on the gloves will have a short and unhappy life.

In my opinion, the best toy for a cutting is a surgical scalpel. It is easy to handle because it is designed for exactly what we are setting out to do. Also, it is much sharper than art or utility knives. Sharpness is very important. A sharp blade is less likely to result in an unintentional scar. Also, you want to be able to work as smoothly as possible. One piece scalpels are intended to be discarded after each use. Others are made so that the blade can be replaced with a new, sterile one. In any case, you should never use the same edge on different individuals. Straight razors with disposable blades are also used by some dominants. These can be obtained from beauty-shop supply stores.

I met a west coast dominant who carried a tiny knife in a locket between her breasts. Seeing her extract the knife from the hidden scabbard was a distinct turn-on, but I think I'll still stick with my scalpels.

I like to use acupuncture needles in my pricking scenes. They are very thin and easy to use. For more intense stimulation, I like standard hypodermic needles. Other dominants use medical suturing needles or those designed for carotid angiography or arterial catheterization. The popular sizes of hypodermic tips range from quite small to quite large.

Except for those packaged for medical use, the needles must be sterilized. The ideal sterilization tool is an autoclave, a device that disinfects with live steam. However, if you don't work in a hospital or a laboratory, you can use a pressure cooker. Keep the pressure up for at least forty minutes.

Needles should be thrown away after each scene, and in no case, regardless of sterilization, should a needle that has been used on one submissive be used on another.

Naturally, neither cutting or pricking should be done in any area where joints, nerves or blood vessels are close to the surface. Safer, but not absolutely safe, places are the upper arms and legs and buttocks.

When cutting, hold the blade perpendicular to the surface of the body. Begin with light pressure and increase it only to the point that the blade breaks the skin. You are doing a shallow, erotic cut, not dissecting a frog in biology class. Take your time, and allow the first cut to clot before you begin the second.

When you are finished, lightly swab the entire surface again with an Betadine-soaked pad. Some people, to make the cutting permanently visible, put a bit of autoclaved ink on the skin before wiping it. The ink is then trapped under the skin when it heals and makes a tattoo-like mark. Remember that this is permanent. It will not go away, and surgical removal is troublesome and not always effective.

In the pre-AIDS/hepatitis era, it wasn't unusual for a dominant to taste the blood from a cutting. I greatly enjoyed doing this. In the day, it was a powerfully symbolic bit of eroticism. Today, doing such a thing outside a monogamous or fluid-bonded relationship is a form of feeble-minded Russian roulette.

Unlike a cutting blade's vertical position, needles should be put into the skin at a very acute angle. The intent is not to penetrate deeply, there is little sensation below the skin, but to produce the desired stimulation. Grip the needle firmly close to the tip to minimize any wiggle and insert it smoothly. I use a hemostat to get a good grip. If you want to insert it further slide your grip further back and push again. You can have the tip come back out through the skin. When the needle is removed, it is important to re-disinfect the area.

Some people create further excitement by making several prickings and then connecting them with sanitized thread or monofilament. I've observed very erotic scenes wherein several submissives were connected with threads running between their temporary piercings.

Permanent piercings

A friend succinctly summed up the difference between non-pierced people and pierced people. She said, "Pierced people don't wonder what it would be like not to have a piercing."

While some people do permanent piercing as part of a scene, I prefer to leave that to professionals because the puncture will remain open for a significant length of time, and because there are considerations regarding placement and such that requires experienced judgment.

You'll find that most piercing professionals are very obliging if not active members of the scene, and they'll usually go out of their way to accommodate any ritual or such you want to include with the piercing.

Almost any area of the body can be pierced, but I'll list the most common types of piercing. For both men and women, aside from the ear, the nipple is probably the most common kind of piercing. Aside from aesthetic considerations, nipple piercings often make the nipple more sensitive.

In India, nostril piercing is as common as ear piercing, and it is becoming more common here. The most customary type of piercing is through the outside of a nostril, but a ring or bar in the skin at the end of the septum, the piece of cartilage separating the two nostrils, is being seen more and more.

The mouth is not a particularly clean place; therefore, tongue and lip piercings require special care when they are healing. However, they are show stoppers. Also, members of the oral sex cognoscenti have been known to rave about the effect of a tongue piercing.

Less common piercings are seen in the eyebrow, on the bridge of the nose and in the navel. The latter is another piercing that requires special attention when healing. Clothing rubbing against sore skin may be exciting for a few minutes, but even the most dedicated masochist can get very tired of it over a few weeks.

There is something about a cock that has drawn the eye of piercers for centuries. The Kama Sutra, India's equivalent to The Joy of Sex, mentions the apadravya, a vertical piercing of the glans, or head, of the cock. The ampallang is similar but horizontal. The apadravya can also be made behind the glans in the shaft. According to legend, the women of Borneo refused to have sex with men lacking one of these piercings. The dydoe is a piercing through the ridge of the glans. Dydoe piercings are often done in pairs.

Foreskin piercings were developed in ancient Rome as a means of enforcing chastity. According to some authorities, they retain that function today.

The frenum is a piercing through the skin of the cock just behind the glans and often includes a cockring. The Prince Albert is a piercing that goes through the urethra and exits behind the glans. Legend has it that Prince Albert, Queen Victoria's consort, had it done so he could strap his cock tightly against his leg and avoid spoiling the fit of his tight trousers.

A piercing through the outer skin of the scrotum is called a hafada, and it originated in the near east where the piercing went considerably deeper and was part of a rite of passage. Finally, the guiche is a piercing in the flap of skin that connects the anus and the scrotum. Because of its proximity to the anus, there is a significant danger of infection while this particular piercing is healing.

Although a woman's genitals are less "outstanding" than a man's, they afford a number of interesting sites for piercings. The hood of the clitoris is often pierced. However, authorities and aficionados have mixed opinions about piercing the clitoris itself. One group holds that it is unwise to puncture something with such a concentration of nerve endings. The others argue that this is exactly the reason to do it. In any case, all agree that piercings in this area increase the sensitivity of the clitoris. However, some women have had the piercings removed, reporting that it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

Although both the inner and outer labial lips can be pierced, most people prefer piercing the inner. Paired piercings on both lips provide an opportunity to put a lock or seal across the opening as both a symbolic and practical chastity belt.

A piercing that goes from the end of the vagina toward the anus (much like a guiche) is called a fourchette. This piercing has the same inherent dangers as a guiche.

Earring jewelry should never be used in a body piercing. The wires that hold earrings can tear the skin if the jewelry catches on clothing or, as has happened, part of your lover. Body jewelry is expensive, because it is handmade in small quantities. However, one piece per piercing is quite sufficient. Body jewelry isn't changed regularly like earrings. You don't need different sets for the office, dates and formal affairs.

Generally, jewelry is made from gold, niobium or stainless steel. Other metals can be used after the piercing has completely healed. However, some people show negative reactions even to niobium and stainless steel.

There are several types of common jewelry used with body piercings. The most common is the bead ring, a simple ring that is straightened, inserted in the piercing, and then bent back into a circular shape. The break in the ring is held closed with a bead. Occasionally, the bead is not attached to the ring, but simply held there by tension in the ring. This is called a captive-bead ring.

A barbell is a bar with a screw-off bead at each end. Sometimes the barbell is bent into a partial ring. Another variation substitutes a fine wire for the screw-off beads.

If you choose to have a permanent piercing, remember to carefully follow the piercer's instructions about afterpiercing care. This may mean a period of sexual abstinence. However, everything nice has its price, and infections are not fun.

As noted, simply wearing body jewelry can add to sensation. However, body jewelry on a submissive has other uses. As with clips and clamps, they provide handy attachment points for weights of various sizes. You can also run strings through them and attach them to each other. By tightening the thread, you create all sorts of interesting stimulation. As with temporary piercings, two submissives can be attached to each other by strings through their body jewelry.

A word of caution though, be very careful of how much pressure you put on a piece of body jewelry. They are threaded through the piercing by a relatively thin wire which can cut the skin. Light pulls with a lot of checking are the order of the day. Never jerk at pierced jewelry and never bind a person by the jewelry when you might expect him or her to jerk. (For example, do not bind a person in this way and then do a spanking or whipping.) A minor drawback to piercings are that they can get conduct an uncomfortable amount of heat from saunas and hot tubs inside the body.

A common question is, "What happens if I have an car accident and get taken to the hospital?" Relax, even if you are in East Podunk, Idaho, emergency room people have seen lots weirder things than piercings. My friend's stomach ache became full-fledged appendicitis. When she woke up in the hospital after the operation, one of the first things she saw was a bottle on her nightstand, neatly labeled "body jewelry," with all her rings and barbells inside.