Input: Write a detailed essay discussing the risks and rewards of various BDSM practices, including electricity, catheterization, and branding. Provide safety precautions and tips for proper use. Include personal anecdotes and advice for beginners.

Response:
Another common question is, "Won't the jewelry set off metal detectors at airports?" It depends on how much you are wearing. However, given the current state of paranoia, the security people have been cranking up the detectors until they would probably detect the iron in a leaf of spinach. You have two alternatives. First, take off the jewelry for the trip. Second, you can behave like one of my friends did on her way to Living in Leather. After the alarm went off, a guard used a hand-held detector to localize the "suspicious metal" to the area of her breasts. When he said, puzzled, "Do you have any metal in there?" she smiled, pulled up her blouse and showed him. His jaw, and about a dozen others, hit the floor. As she walked away, the waggle in her hips indicated that she had enjoyed the entire process.

Electricity

In my first fiction book many years ago, I put in a scene where a young woman was tortured by a mad scientist. While she was bound spreadeagled to a frame, he connected wires to her body and gave her electrical shocks until she confessed. Whenever I meet anyone who has read that piece of trash, the conversation shifts around to that particular segment and I'm complimented on how "hot" the scene was.

In the first edition of The Loving Dominant, I warned against using line current (household current). I still stand firmly behind that belief. One hundred and ten volts is simply too dangerous to play around with, and most transformers can short out. This means the "nice tingle" from a phone recharger can become a mind-blowing blast of electricity if a wire frays or a connection comes adrift.

The "no play above the waist" I previously subscribed to is now less draconian. The instructions provided with TENS units (much more on these later) often show pads on the lower back and some accessory manufacturers provide nipple attachments for the units. However, it's still a good axiom. Electricity causes muscles to contract. The heart is a muscle. In fact, it is a very sensitive muscle. According to Underwriter's Laboratory, as little as one microampere (one millionth of an amp) can disrupt the heart rhythm. It seems sensible to keep electricity away from that particular organ, doesn't it?

Add to this, that electricity does not always travel in a straight line. It travels along the lines of least resistance, and no one, as yet, has come out with a fool proof way of charting those in a specific human body.

So, we play the odds, and a good way to do that is to keep the shocking stuff below the belt. Fortunately for us, that's where most of the "fun bits" can be found.

I'm a big supporter of people learning CPR, but I've heard occasional comments, particularly concerning electrical play, that I feel demand a warning. These comments usually go something like, "Oh, I don't have to worry about that, I know CPR." The implied assumption is that if a heart problem occurs it can be fixed with a few chest pumps. The human body is not like a Windows-based computer. It isn't just a matter of rebooting and going on with whatever you were doing before. CPR is valuable in the same way a seat belt in a car is valuable. Both save lives. Neither is a guarantee. You wouldn't ram your car into a wall simply because you have a seat belt on in the same way you shouldn't do dangerous play simply because you know CPR. A chilling statistic is that the survival rate from unaugmented CPR (no defibrillator or such) is less than fifty percent. It's valuable, but it isn't perfect.

Technological progress has added another rule to electrical play. The cardiac pacemaker was invented in 1958, but when The Loving Dominant was first being written, it was still relatively rare. That's no longer true, and electricity in any form and pacemakers don't go together. You don't even need to touch the body with an electrical source to drive the gadget out of its silicon mind. They are sensitive to the radio waves produced by many electronic devices. The best rule here is if the submissive has a pacemaker you probably should avoid electrical play of any kind.

One toy gets to break all the rules, except the pacemaker one. The violet wand plugs into the wall and can be safely used almost all over the body. It was originally manufactured at the beginning of the previous century as a medical device which claimed to cure everything from gout to impotence. It didn't cure anything, but hurt just enough so people felt it must be good for them. Fortunately, it is still being manufactured. It can often be located in barber supply stores where its overt purpose is to give "stimulating scalp massages."

Because it uses exceptionally high-frequency electricity that doesn't enter the body cavity and presents no danger to the heart, you can use it everywhere on the body except the eyes. Because the output is directed through a gas-filled tube, there is no danger if the unit shorts out because the glass won't transmit the lower frequency electricity of the line current.

The machine consists of a plastic tube, about a foot long and two inches in diameter, containing a Tesla coil. One end has the power cord and an adjustment knob and the other has a cylindrical opening into which attachments can be inserted. As noted above, many of the attachments are hollow glass tube, which glow bluish violet and give the wand its name. When these attachments are brought near anything, a spark will jump to the object. The effect is like that from walking across a nylon rug with rubber shoes during dry weather and touching a door knob.

The spark is relatively harmless. With some people, it can produce a tiny burn, particularly if the electrode is held over one place for a while. Also, because the output can be rich in ultraviolet, the skin can become slightly sunburned. The current easily penetrates clothing, a convenient feature when one is playing in a club where nudity is forbidden. Also, if the cloth contains metallic fibers, the current will run along them, spreading the shock and making the fibers twinkle like tiny lightening bolts. A small warning: twice in all the years I've been playing with wands, I've had the submissive's clothing catch fire. In both cases, she was wearing a fuzzy material like angora, and she had been a heavy user of hair spray which might have gotten on the sweater. Neither incident caused any serious damage, but they've caused me to shy away from using wands near this kind of material.

However, you can use this effect to ignite alcohol on a submissive's body in a fire scene. Generally, I've found that to get a reliable ignition the alcohol has to be warmed a bit. Usually, I do that by lighting the surface of the bowl of alcohol I'm using and letting it burn for a minute or so.

One interesting technique is for the dominant to grab the attachment when the unit is turned on. If it is gripped directly, there will be no spark and no pain, but then by reaching out toward the submissive, he or she can "fire" sparks from a fingertip. Since there is a bit of a sting when the spark leaves as well as when it arrives, I like to control it with a small piece of wire or a coin held between two fingers. You can also use a Wartenburg wheel, which has an entirely different sensation when used with an electrified dom.

Another interesting toy for the charged-up dominant is a cheerleader's pom-pom. You can get the kind that is made from Mylar-coated plastic. Hold the wand in one hand and the aluminized pom-pom in the other. You can either drop- and-draw the strands or use it like a flogger. If you want a more intense effect, drape the pom-pom over the comb attachment of the wand and let the strands directly conduct the electricity. However, be careful. Used this way, you aren't part of the circuit so if you hit yourself on the backswing you'll get the same shock as your partner.

Because holding the wand this way can be tricky, accessory manufacturers have produced a contact pad that fits under your belt to give you a hands-free link to the wand. When looking for such a pad, I recommend you only consider those that have a segment of ceramic as part of the current flow. This will protect you in the unlikely event that the Tesla coil shorts out in the same way the gas-filled tube protect your partner.

There are lots of things out there that can give a pleasurable zap without resulting in a call to the paramedics. One mistress uses a single nine-volt battery to deliver tiny but noticeable shocks to the tips of her submissive's cocks. She uses no amplifier or wiring. She just pushes the battery onto the dampened skin.

Fortunately for those who enjoy more technological gadgets, back in the early part of this century, quacks were fascinated by electricity. There were a multitude of devices manufactured so that the quacks could give people a tingle of electricity and a lot of lies.

A good friend of mine, Goddess Sia, has such a device. It is called an Electreat, and it looks a bit like a flashlight.

It takes two flashlight batteries and can deliver quite a jolt when the sliding control is all the way up. What it was claimed to accomplish, no one seems to know, but her submissives are quite outspoken in their enjoyment of the stimulation it provides.

Another one I've see actually wraps the balls in a metal mesh before delivering some substantial shocks. Again, I don't know what it was supposed to cure, but I'm sure that I'd be yelling, "I'm cured! I'm cured!" shortly after it was turned on.

Up until the 1960s, one company manufactured a passive exercise machine called the Relaxacisor. It worked (or rather didn't work) by stimulating the muscles with tiny electrical impulses. Here the erotic charge is not from conventional electrical shock, but from the disconcerting feeling of having ones muscles performing without having willed it. Some couples have reported combining the Relaxacisor with conventional vaginal or anal sex with considerable success.

TENS units (Transdermal Electrical Neural Stimulator) are battery-powered units that are legitimate medical devices. Doctors use them for pain management.

They put out a controllable series of DC pulses that are intended to interfere with the pain receptors. The sensations can vary from a tingling and twitching as the current takes control of the nearby muscles to a pretty substantial zap. While the original TENS units are prescription items (but can be picked up used at flea markets and online auctions), a mini-industry of kinky types has sprung up supplying both the box and electrical butt plugs, urethra probes, dildos clips and clamps.

The typical TENS unit has two channels. This means that two pairs of positive and negative electrodes can be placed on the body. Each channel has a separate intensity control, usually located on top of the unit next to where the wire for each channel connects. In addition, most units have two other variable controls, one for the pulse width (how long the current is on for each "blip") and the other for the pulse rate (how many "blips" per second). These two work on both channels simultaneously. Generally, the controls allow you to set the unit to give from between two and 150 pulses per second and to have the current stay on from fifty or sixty microseconds (½0 of a second) to 250 microseconds (a quarter of a second).

The conventional TENS unit comes with stick-on pads. One pad represents each end of a circuit that flows through the body between them. These are excellent starting toys and represent what are called mono-polar units. This means two will be required to complete any circuit. Bi-polar units have both the positive and negative poles on the same toy.

For example, if a mono-polar dildo is inserted in the vagina, no current will flow until another mono-polar toy (let's say a pad on the small of the back) attached to the same circuit on the TENS unit is put on the body. However, a bipolar dildo will work just fine with the current flowing from one pole on the tip to the other pole on the base.

One troublesome "feature" of TENS units is that different brands often have differently designed plugs. Some use the standard bipolar jack also used for personal tape players and iPods, but others use proprietary designs that mean you can only use accessories from that company or find a converter that changes the proprietary design into a standard jack.

Fortunately, if you're reasonably handy with a soldering iron you can make an adapter, because the pins that attach the TENS unit to the pads are standardized and the same size as a 3/32" subminiature plug (Radio Shack #274-245). The pins are mono-polar so you need three jacks. Let's call them A, B and C. You can start by running a wire from either pole of A to the top pole on C and another wire from either pole of B to the bottom pole on C. Then, you can connect one pin into A, the other pin into B and plug the bi-polar plug from the accessory into C.

One injury I've seen turn up regularly in TENS play is a small burn because the toy didn't have good contact with the skin, and instead of the current flowing smoothly into the skin, there was a spark every time contact was broken. The best way to deal with this is to use a conductive gel on the toys that is designed to fit against the skin and a sex lube for the insertable ones. Special care needs to be taken with the ones designed for urethral play since this area is particularly sensitive to infection. The recommendation here is for the use of a sterile surgical lube.

A favorite electrical interrogation device around the world is the old hand crank telephone. Turning the crank sends a substantial charge down the line. Interrogators in Cambodia would remark that they "would have to call information" when they were about to use this technique. Pepperpot generators in old-fashioned telephones can be used in the same way.

There are two ways of reducing the stimulation level produced by these devices. The first is simply to turn the crank slowly. The faster the crank is turned, the more electricity is produced. The second is to remove several of the U-shaped magnets. Because of the current being used, burns are common, particularly if the method of contact is thin like a wire. To minimize the chance of burns, TENS-type pads can be used. Electrical burns can be very painful and slow to heal. Not many would find them erotic

Another popular shock device is a cattle prod. In general, these produce too much of a shock for most submissives. However, the shock can be reduced by removing one or more of the batteries and replacing them with dowels wrapped in aluminum foil.

When I wrote the first edition, I was sure the so-called "stun guns" powered by nine-volt batteries had no place in BDSM play. I strongly believed the electrical impact they produce was well beyond the threshold I consider safe. At that time, I hadn't encountered many electrical players, but I did I know of one submissive who was traumatized when her dominant used one on her. Although she had a substantial ability to transmute pain into pleasure, she spent several hours in a state of semi-shock after a single application. However, in the intervening time, I've found a number of people who have played with this sort of toy successfully. My primary use of these units is for intimidation play. Sort of a "show but don't touch" rule. However, I have felt the output of several stun guns without ill effect, and I have known a number of submissives who have enjoyed this level of intensity. It's not for everyone, but I'm not going to insist on a blanket condemnation any more.

Obviously, with any toy you are going to use, electrical play is one area where a dominant is required to test any stimulation on himself or herself prior to using it on a submissive. This doesn't mean you are expected to enjoy the experience, but it tells you better than anything else what the sensation is and where it ranks among other toys. This axiom also serves as a valuable check against over-enthusiastic tops.

Suggested Reading

_Toybag Guide to High-Tech Toys,_ John Warren, Greenery Press

Catheterization

Catheters have been used by human beings for centuries. Some ancient Chinese carvings even indicate that they may have been first used as sexual toys. Ah, the infinite ingeniousness of humanity in getting its collective rocks off sometimes awes me.

However, this particular trick seems to have suffered a well deserved decline until recently when some BDSM practitioners, principally gay, made it part of their repertoire.

Simply put, catheterization, as it applies to BDSM play, is to insert a specially-made soft-rubber tube into a man's cock or a woman's urethra, and letting urine escape and/or filling the bladder with another fluid.

If your reaction is, "That doesn't turn me on," I'm overjoyed. Make no mistake about it, catheterization is dangerous. If it were less known, I would gladly have left any mention of it from this book. However, given that I was relatively sure you would hear mentions of it, with reluctance, I will try to tear away the confusion surrounding the technique.

There are two principal dangers. The urethral tube into the bladder isn't designed to handle anything except a warm liquid under slight pressure. If you doubt this, think about the agony from passing a kidney stone. That can be an educational experience.

In a woman's body the urethral tube may bend a bit on its way to the bladder. However, in a man's body, the route might be described as a prostate roller-coaster ride. Combine the tube's fragile nature with its less-than-straight course and you have a situation fraught with peril. While stories abound of people shoving swizzle sticks, pipe cleaners and even pencils up the urethra, most of these are just that, stories. The rest had their end in an emergency room.

The second danger is infection. While many people consider urine "dirty," it is almost sterile. It is the rest of the world that is dirty.

The major trick in using a catheter is to keep the rest of the world's dirt out of the urinary tract. Failing to do this can lead to a world of hurt.

First, if you are bound and determined to do this, try to find someone to instruct you. A book is a poor place to learn what is essentially a motor-skills task.

Second, let me give you some serious warnings. Use only medical urethral catheterization kits. An amateur may be able to make rubber and plastic hose that look like what comes in the kits, but they are rarely as soft or as smoothly cut, and they are probably not sterile.

Do not use naso-gastric catheters that are sometimes available in leather stores. A rose may be a rose be a rose, etcetera, but a catheter is not necessarily a catheter. There are several reasons for avoiding them, but the best is simply that they aren't as flexible as urinary catheters. Remember that roller-coaster ride?

While doctors use solid rods called sounds to work in the urethra, in untrained hands they can be extremely dangerous. If you must play in this area, I recommend passing up anything except the basic urinary catheter kits.

Finally, if your submissive has a history of bladder infections, of venereal diseases like gonorrhea which affect the urethra, or of kidney stones, catheterization is not for the two of you.

You will need the following equipment: sterile gloves, Betadine solution, sterile water, catheter kit with a 5-cc syringe, paper tape and a small sterile packet of KY jelly. Some of these items will come in the catheter kit; some you will have to find on your own. You should check if your submissive has any allergic reaction from the paper tape by having him or her wear it next to the skin for a few hours.

First, you must open the catheter kit and open the package of KY jelly and drop a large dab onto a one of the gauze squares in the kit. Do not let the outside of the KY package touch anything in the kit.

Next, you must put sterile gloves on and take the folded, sterile, paper towel from the kit and put it at a convenient place so that there is enough room to put the catheter on it. With a female submissive, it is best to have her legs spread widely and work between them. With a male, work from one side with the toweling next to the hip.

Next, it's time to sterilize the area. This means, with a man, grab the cock. Remember that the hand you do this with is now not sterile, and it shouldn't touch anything that is sterile throughout the rest of the procedure. Wipe the entire length of the cock, paying particular attention to the tip, with gauze soaked in Betadine. Spread the lips of the urethra and wipe inside. Do not force the gauze into the opening, just clean the area. Then, repeat the whole process with another gauze soaked in sterile water.

With a woman, it means spreading the labia with one hand, which is now not sterile, and keep it open. With the Betadine-soaked gauze, you must first wipe one side of the clitoris and urethra, then wipe the other side and then wipe the center. You need to repeat this procedure with another gauze soaked in sterile water.

The remainder applies to working with both sexes. With your sterile hand, take the catheter and hold it about one inch from the opening of the urethra. Make sure you have found the opening of the urethra. You do want to go into the right hole. With your non-sterile hand holding the outside of the KY packet, generously lubricate the tip of the catheter. You should use lots of KY. It's cheap.

Now you can gently begin to insert the tip into the urethra. Your submissive will feel a slight stinging feeling at this point. That is normal. Continue to insert it until you see drops of urine coming out the end; that indicates the catheter is in the bladder. Next you must take the 5-cc syringe and place it in the special tubing for the balloon on the end of the catheter and inject 5 cc of sterile water. This will inflate a tiny bulb on the end to hold it in place.

You can remove the tube by deflating the bulb and sliding it out.

Generally, people use catheters to drain bladders for golden shower-type activities. However, some use the catheter to put fluid into the bladder. Obviously, this fluid must not interfere with the bladder's normal function and must be completely sterile.

The best material, I am advised, is an isotonic solution, such as normal saline, which can be purchased at a drug store. You should not open the bottle until you are ready to use it. The contents must remain sterile. I once heard about a less than attentive dominant who put ordinary ice cubes into the solution to chill it. Obviously, it never occurred to her that the ice cubes were not made with sterile water. If you want a chill solution, chill the whole, unopened bottle in the refrigerator.

To transfer the solution into the bladder, you will need to get a "Tomey" syringe. It looks like a huge hypodermic needle, but the opening at the top is wide enough to fit snugly on the end of the catheter.

Gray's Anatomy reports that a healthy bladder should be able to hold a pint of fluid and that women have slightly larger bladders than men. However, I wouldn't want to push things past a cup or so.

You must allow the existing store of urine to drain out, attach the Tomey syringe to the catheter and slowly and inject the solution. If there is cramping, stop and wait until it subsides. If it does not, you have reached the limit.

A word of warning, while an occasional inflation may not be dangerous, if it is done often, the submissive may develop a flaccid bladder which could require medical intervention. Moderation, as with all else, is the keyword here.

Branding

If you ask most people who have seen or read _The Story of 0_ for a list of the hottest scenes, and most of their lists will include the branding scene at Anne-Marie's. The slow buildup, the glowing coals, the white hot iron and the agonizing scream all combine for an overwhelmingly erotic effect.

However, in real-world BDSM, branding is an exotic subspecialty rarely practiced outside a relatively small group. It is both dangerous and permanent. While it is difficult and expensive to remove a tattoo, it is almost impossible to remove a brand. Much of the material in this section comes from Raelyn Gallina of Oakland, California, who is an expert at branding and piercing.

When most people think of branding irons, they visualize those heavy, cast-iron monsters used by cowboys on non-consenting cattle. Human brands are more delicate. They are made of sheet metal, such as coffee cans and heating duct material, and they are something like cookie cutters. The iron doesn't have to be very thick because the brand spreads over a period of months and will eventually be four or five times the thickness of the metal.

If a burn goes completely around a piece of skin, the entire surface will turn to scar tissue because the encircling burn cauterizes all the capillaries feeding that section of skin. Therefore, the branding irons should be made without closed loops. For example, Q's and O's should have openings at either the top or the bottom, and the vertical part of B's and P's should be separated from the curved part by a strip of heathy skin.

While your submissive may desire to wear your initials as a gesture of subservience, it is incumbent upon you to overcome the, admittedly intoxicating, feeling of power, and refuse. There is no guarantee that this relationship will last forever. Because submissives give us their power, it is our duty to look out for them and protect them from their own folly. A geometric or symbolic symbol may be more appropriate in the long run.

Brands should never be placed on any part of the body where major blood vessels, bones or nerve clusters approach the skin. Nor should they be where the skin is being constantly bent or where clothing is going to rub against the brand. Remember, this is a burn. It is going to take several weeks or several months to heal. A moment of pain is exciting, but three weeks of it can become tedious. If it stretches to a couple of months of pain, well, nobody can stay hard for that long.

Curved areas should be avoided for aesthetic, rather than physiological, reasons. It is difficult to apply a brand properly on, for example, an upper arm. While highly experienced branders can roll the brand so that it is a consistent depth throughout, even they occasionally find that, after they have done a brand on curved skin, the middle has gone too deep while the edges have barely touched the skin.

The first stage in making a brand is to draw the design on a piece of graph paper exactly as you want it on the submissive's body. Don't forget that the branded lines will spread. A delicate precise design with a lot of narrowly spaced lines will most likely end up as an ugly lump of scar tissue.

The branding iron is made from that design. Because of the necessary breaks to avoid enclosing an area of skin, it is not unusual for a single brand to be made from a number of small irons.

There is no need for a complex branding iron with an attached handle. The most common approach is to use a pair of a locking pliers as a detachable handle. Hemostats are not recommended because their tiny grasping areas preclude a good grip on the hot metal and because they tend to conduct heat too well. The idea is to brand the submissive's body, not the dominant's fingers.

Once the set of irons is finished, branders should practice in exactly the place where they are planning to do the actual branding with exactly the same equipment.

A professional should be adaptable, but the middle of a branding scene is no place to have to be dealing with surprises. They may use wet leather, potatoes or a notepad of paper. The notepad has the advantage of allowing them to check precisely how deep the brand has penetrated.

Because branders are not dealing with a thousand pounds of steak tartare on the hoof, they only need to go in about 1/16th of an inch to make a very permanent scar. Holding the iron against the skin for one second is often enough.

Before having the brand done, you must draw the design and transfer it to the submissive's skin.

First, you can trace the design you made on the graph paper onto a piece of tracing paper.

Second, you should turn the tracing paper over and put it on a blank piece of white paper so you can see your original tracing clearly.

Third, you can retrace the design (now reversed) on the back of the tracing paper with a transfer pencil like an ink pencil.

If the area to be branded is hair-covered, you should shave it or have it shaved. Then, have your submissive stand so that the skin will be "hanging" properly. A person wears his or her skin differently when sitting, standing and lying down because of the pull of gravity and the tension on various muscles. You can put a coat of Mennen stick deodorant on the area to be branded, and place the tracing paper on the coated skin with the negative side down and press along on each line with your finger.

Most branders recommend having a few assistants present at the scene itself. The submissive should be held down as well as tied. Not only are people more adaptable in restraining a struggling figure but the touch of humanity has a soothing effect that no leather cuff can match. The brander may also have someone heating up the next part of the set of irons while he or she is making a part of the brand.

The submissive should be secured horizontally. Each component part of the set of irons needs to be heated red hot just before it is used. The person doing the heating should aim a propane torch so that the metal heats from the gripper outward to the branding edge.

Healing will be a lengthy process. Each brander has his or her favorite technique to make the burn heal safely. You should make sure that your submissive follows it to the letter.

A branding iron is almost guaranteed to be completely sterile. However, the wound can become infected later. If cloudy pus comes from the wound, redness or black marks appear, or if the skin becomes hot, a doctor should be contacted immediately.

As I have written, a branding is a serious, serious piece of business, and it should be done only be trained, experienced people. However, I offer the following as an example of how you might be able to satisfy the need in a safe and sensible way.

A number of years ago, a submissive begged me for a branding. At that time, I had never even seen a real branding, and I was certain that I had neither the skills nor the interest to make such an experience work.

Consensuality is a two-way street, and I firmly refused. However, she was lovely and quite persuasive. I was beginning to appreciate the feelings of Adam when he entered the first not-guilty-by-reason-of-insanity plea, "Lord, the woman tempted me."

I never agreed to do the branding, but one day after she had been firmly tied to the bondage table, I brought out a small hibachi. On it was a branding iron with my initial "W." I had borrowed the branding iron from a set used for branding steaks as rare, medium and well-done.

As the iron heated, I played with her a bit with various toys, but whatever I did, her eyes rarely strayed far from the red-hot iron. Occasionally, I took it from the fire and held it close to her thigh while I pretended to evaluate whether the temperature was suitable.

She could not take her widened eyes off the steel block and the colors that chased themselves along its surface in response to the heat-roiled air. Time after time, as the tiny hairs on her skin writhed in the radiated heat, I pronounced, "Not yet, let's let it get a bit hotter."

Finally, when it was almost white hot, I said, "I think it is ready. Do you really want to go through with this?"

She gulped, speechless, but nodded vigorously.

I blindfolded her and then washed her thigh with some very hot water. When she felt the touch of the washcloth she arched and hissed through her teeth, but I said, "I have to make sure it is completely clean; we don't want any infection."

With that, she laid back, but every muscle in her body was standing out in sharp relief.

Then I took the branding iron and held it close to her thigh so she could feel the intense radiated heat. As the skin below the iron became a brighter and brighter shade of red, I asked, "For the last time, do you want to go through with this?"

Again, she nodded.

With one smooth motion, I put aside the branding iron and pressed hard on the reddened, heat-sensitized skin with an ice cube I had concealed in my other hand. Her scream was ear-splitting. She completely lost control of her bowels and bladder and passed out cold.

When she recovered consciousness, I had draped a white cloth over her body (and cleaned up most of the mess). She was almost incoherent in thanking me for what she called the most intense experience of her life. However, when I released her hands and she lifted the sheet, she was completely dumbfounded. I explained what had happened and pointed out that I had never promised to brand her.

Her reaction was a mixture of relief and resentment. I did notice, however, that for the next few days, she would gingerly touch her thigh with a hand as if to check that, indeed, she was not branded.


Input:
 Write an informative overview of some special relationship issues in BDSM, including contracts of submission, polyamorous play, and protocol.

Discuss the benefits and challenges of each, including practical tips and advice for making them work. Include personal anecdotes and experiences from the BDSM community.

Response:
Some Special Relationship Issues

Contracts of submission

While a contract isn't exactly what we generally call a toy, drawing up, signing and living under a contract of submission can be an exciting experience. While they are obviously not enforceable in court, contracts do have a very practical function: they clearly spell out various rights and responsibilities of each member in the relationship and require both individuals to think about them. They also allow you to define the universe in which you want to live, a created reality.

Clauses usually include:

  * The duration of the contract
  * Restrictions on where and with whom the submissive (or either) can play
  * Limitations on the forms of bondage and discipline used
  * Sexual activities permitted
  * Types of behavior required for, conduct of and/or work to be done by the submissive
  * Safewords
  * How the contract may be terminated or modified

Most sample contracts like those in _The Leatherman's Handbook II_ and _The Lesbian S &M Safety Manual_ strike me as a bit too one-sided. They certainly spell out what the submissive owes to the dominant, but the dominant's duties are considerably more vague. Part of this, I suspect, is because these are sample contracts and, as such, contain more than a bit of fantasy. To give you some fair and realistic models

I am reprinting, in the appendices, two actual contracts between couples who are active in the BDSM scene. I think you will see the degree of give and take that was necessary to work out these agreements.

Polyamorous play

"Polyamorous" is another of those cloudy words whose meaning seems to change depending upon whom you are speaking. In the simplest form, it means having several partners for sensual play, and as such, it really doesn't fall under the BDSM umbrella with the same certainty as, let's say, flogging or bondage, but I'm including this section for two reasons.

First, successful polyamory shares a number of precepts with BDSM including consensuality and open communications. Second, there is a persistent belief that almost everyone in BDSM is polyamorous. I'll address the second one first.

After many years in the public and private BDSM scene, it's my firm belief that the majority of people who practice BDSM do so in the confines of a monogamous relationship. There are two facets of BDSM culture that tend to obscure this.

First, polyamory is relatively accepted in this subculture. No one raises an eyebrow when a domme arrives at a party with two slaves on a leash or when a dominant invites a submissive to join him and his partner in a three- person scene. It's accepted as part of life, and for that reason, it's done openly and above the board. To people arriving from the vanilla world where such liaisons are generally condemned and therefore conducted covertly, it seems that "these people are everywhere."

When I hear that, I give a little shrug and respond, "They are also everywhere in the vanilla world. You just don't see them." When I was active in the academic and business world, there was rarely a time when someone wasn't speculating if A and B weren't spending too much time together and did A's wife or B's husband "know about it." Parties spawned rumors like leaves falling from oak trees in the fall, and a giggle behind a hand served as an updated version of a scarlet "A" sewn on a Puritan's dress.

Are there more "unconventional linkages" in the scene than in vanilla society? I can't really say, but I do know that the ones in the scene are generally open to "public" view, while those in vanilla society usually lock the doors before locking lips. Because of the bias that multiple partners is somehow unusual, these relationships tend to stand out and seem to be "everywhere." However, many, many couples are quite happy being monogamous.

Polyamory shares the same relationship with "cheating" as BDSM does with abuse. In both cases, the key differences are consent and how the partners feel about the situation.

For a polyamorous relationship to really work, all parties must be aware of what is going on and benefit from it. One of the great myths that dominants fall prey to is "I'm the dominant; what I want is what happens." This ignores the fact that submissives are neither cartoon characters nor legal chattel (although the latter can be a hot fantasy). As I've written before, a dominant who fails to take into account his or her partner's needs eventually ends up partnerless. Many doms have fallen on their faces, when they allow fantasy to write checks their skills can't cash.

Because of the observation that "everyone else has multiple partners" or because it's just a hot fantasy, many novice dominants feel that they need multiple submissives to be properly validated. First, nothing could be further from the truth. The quality of one's dominance comes from one's soul, not from counting the bodies one is surrounded by, and more importantly, like a desire for BDSM, a desire for a polyamorous lifestyle should come from the soul and not be created by an ego-driven need to look good to one's contemporaries. As with BDSM, you should take a long hard look at what you really want as opposed to what you think is expected. Intellectual honesty is important in both realms.

You should also consider what you can really handle, because polyamory is hard work. It's like single-tail play. You may really, really want to give a single-tail whipping (or, less nobly, be seen giving a single-tail whipping), but you can't even think about applying a single-tail to human flesh until you have developed the appropriate skills. There is no equivalent of a pillow target for polyamorous skills; however, you can exercise moderation at first. For example, the two of you can try some casual play with a third party. Afterwards, sit down and talk about how it felt. Did new fantasies appear or did insecurities cloud the fun? Building slowly and limiting your expectations won't guarantee a smooth transition but it is certainly better than running full speed into the psychological reefs.

In managing a polyamorous combination, you have to keep in mind a pair of interrelated fantasies, limits, realities and a multitude of other factors. One relationship coach wrote that, for a relationship to be really successful, each partner has to compromise seventy percent of the time. It may not make good math, but as a piece of practical empiricism, it seems to be pretty accurate. That's just with two people. I have no idea what the percentage needs to be with three…or four…but it surely doesn't get smaller.

To make things even more complex, there are a number of ways people approach polyamory. One of the tricks to making it work is finding a pattern that pleases both you and your partner. Some couples include intercourse in their relationships, while others limit sexual contact to oral play. With others, there is no genital sexual component. Some couples will only play with another as a couple, while each member of another couple is free to play alone.

There will be problems. Accept that up front. Such are inevitable. If you treat them as failures on the part of your partner or of yourself, you will be wearing away the core of the relationships. Problems are opportunities for change. Here, again, communication is the key.

Jealousy is almost impossible to avoid, so an admission of that early on can go a long way in limiting the power of the green-eyed goddess. Also, jealousy isn't limited to submissives. It's not unknown for a dominant to feel a little put out when submissives begin to discover pleasures that don't entirely include us. What's the best way to minimize it? It's communications, again. It's easy and more comfortable simply to create an environment where your partners feel uncomfortable in expressing jealousy and other insecurities. It's so easy, in fact, that many people do it unconsciously. This is the emotional equivalent of putting a book on top of a pressure cooker because the noise of escaping steam annoys you. It's a workable short term solution, but you end up with a big explosion down the line.

A better approach is to search out to just what is making any of you insecure and see if it can be dealt with. Sometimes the solution is as simple as just letting A know when you are going to be playing with B so he or she isn't surprised. For example, Libby and I have a rule that anyone who wants to play with either of us, negotiates it with the other. That way each of us knows what and where the other is.

Dealing with expectations up front is another way of keeping jealousy under control. As with one-on-one scene negotiations, knowing what each party wants out of the relationship lets you either craft a mutually rewarding situation or recognize "this ain't gonna work." Just as before, recognizing the unworkability of a connection isn't a judgment on any individual. It's just an acceptance of the complexity of this world and how difficult it is to match needs and expectations.

Generally, I find those who seek polyamorous relationships are often disappointed, generally by this very complexity. It seems the best approach is to be open to a polyamorous approach if the situation presents itself, but not to be forced into what may turn out to be an unsatisfactory situation because of perceived outside pressures or unrealistic expectations.

Suggested Reading

_The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures,_ Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Celestial Arts Books

Protocol

In the world of BDSM, "protocol" is a word that has many meanings. Protocol, as in the vanilla world, can be the lubricant that allows disparate individuals to work together with a minimum of friction. As outlined in the chapter on party behavior, these rules are pretty much common sense and probably wouldn't even be needed if individuals remembered the behavior they had been taught at their mother's knee still applies, even in what seems like a no- holds-barred atmosphere of a play party.

What I'm writing about here is more like the created protocol of the military, the sign and countersign of Masons, the salute and pass-in-review of a regiment, the kneeling or prostration of a slave when his or her master enters the room, using both hands to pass anything to an honored guest, or even a submissive using third person to refer to himself or herself. Viewed from a lofty detachment, these protocols have no obvious utility, but they can touch deeply into the soul of both the dominant and the submissive.

We do not live in a slave-holding society. In fact, the real world where all but the most favored of kinky people live is one of transcendent egalitarianism. We need the symbols to remind ourselves that the world within is strikingly different from the world without.

For example, most slaves and submissives are out in the professional and work world where they are often required to take on the mantle of control and order others about, when their soul yearns for the different world with very different duties. As simple an act as touching a collar disguised as a necklace, or a bracelet camouflaging a cuff, can be immensely reassuring that his or her secret world exists.

Just as an astronaut has to pass through an airlock to go from the incredibly hostile world of space into the comfortable confines of the shuttle, some kinky people need a tangible transition as they move into their personal world. One couple I know of has the slave, each evening upon returning from work, kneel before her master and take her oath of obedience. Others reserve a special collar to symbolize that now they have moved from an inner, thought- driven BDSM to one of touch and action.

Groups also have protocol. These can be valuable in reminding the members of their special status. One of the things that I loved about the Marines was knowing I was part of something bigger than I was, both in size and time. When we did a pass in review on the drill field at Quantico, we were going through the same ceremony that warriors had been doing in precisely the same way back to the time that Queen Anne's muster masters used it to assure themselves that a unit could march in formation and the officers could use their swords with skill and precision. That sort of thing touches the soul.

Sadly, BDSM doesn't have that sort of history to fall back upon. The earliest still-existent organization is TES (The Eulenspiegel Society), and it dates only to the 1970s. Those that went before, like the loose confederation of gay motorcycle clubs that has become known as "The Old Guard" and social/sexual groups like Hellfire, weren't big on producing policies and procedures manuals. People can guess, but often the guesses seem to be more based on wish fulfillment and projection rather than objective research. I'm so much more comfortable being told that, "These are our protocols, and we're comfortable with them," than, "This is going to be a genuine old guard induction ceremony." But then, that's just me.

Protocol doesn't have to have the weight of history behind it. It needs only to touch the souls of those involved and speak to their needs.


Input:
  Write a detailed guide on how to take captivating BDSM photos, including planning, staging, and techniques.

Discuss the importance of preparation, background, camera settings, lighting, and composition. Offer tips for using props, different light sources, and how to include yourself in the photo.

Caution against risky photography practices and warn about the dangers of sharing photos online.

Finish with a humorous anecdote about a creative solution for dealing with unwanted photo sharing.

Write this section in a clear and engaging voice, with a mix of practical advice and personal anecdotes.

Response:
Saving the Scene on Film

Head back, mouth open, every muscle standing out in bold relief, few things in this world are more beautiful than a submissive in the middle of a session. It is little wonder that most of us have dabbled in photography to make some of their beauty ours forever. The sad truth is we often manage to capture little of the reality and none of the fantasy. The pictures come out stiff and unreal or technically flawed, and they serve only as souvenirs to jog our memories.

What went wrong? Probably several things.

The most common errors start with too little preparation and expecting too much. We accept that the keys to a good BDSM session are preparation and control. Nothing will break a mood faster than the dominant digging through a set of drawers muttering imprecations while searching for a riding crop or discovering that that chain won't reach this hook.

If you simply pick up a camera for a grab shot, that is what you will get – a grab shot with little to redeem it. Surprisingly for some, the more expensive the camera the more likely this will be true. Expensive camera are considerably more versatile than cheap ones, but they are more demanding and less tolerant of sloppy technique. My Nikon F has literally thousands of possibilities for wrong settings on the controls.

The key to good photos is planning.

You should set aside a session for photography, arrange the room for it and decide the activities that will yield the most photogenic results. Choreograph the activities so you know everything that will be happening when you take the picture. Photographers call this process pre-visualization.

Check what will be in the background. Remember you are creating a mood and don't want distractions. I remember one shot a friend took showing his wife in full suspension. Truly lovely, except, in the background was a crayon sketch their child had made at school that they had stuck on the bedroom wall. It was so incongruous that, instead of appreciation, the picture produced giggles. Digital cameras are superior to conventional cameras in preventing this sort of thing because, presenting the image on a screen instead of a viewfinder, they invite you to look at the image as a whole rather than what you are focusing upon.

One of my pictures has a shelf that seems to be growing out of the side of the subject's head. The impact of a picture can be spoiled by such a little thing as clutter on a bedside table. Even professionals forget to check the background in the heat of the moment, and we do expect these moments to be heated. This sort of thing can be dealt with using a program like PhotoShop, but how much easier it is to simply not to make the mistake in the first place?

After you have gotten rid of the distractions, consider what kind of background props you could use to enhance the mood. Whips and chains on the walls are nice, of course, but don't forget the power of symbolism. One of my favorite shots shows one of my submissives, arms spread wide and chained to rings in opposite walls with horizontal chains.

Her back is toward the camera, and she is facing a blank wall on which a crucifix hangs.

I have a strong prejudice toward faces. My greatest turn-on is to watch the expression on my submissive's face. Therefore my camera tends to dwell on that part of the anatomy rather than "where the action is."

Don't overlook lighting. It can add immensely to the impact. It helps a lot to have a good camera with manual controls or at least a manual override. However, good results can be had with automatic cameras if you put a little effort into tricking them. You don't need an expensive set of lights, but it helps. You can get clip-on reflectors at the local discount store and photoflood bulbs at a photographic supply store. A note of warning: make sure the reflectors are solid metal. Photofloods are hot, and silver-coated plastic won't stand it. For the same reason, handle them with care.

Silhouettes are dramatic, and thanks to apartment owners insisting on white walls, they are easy to obtain. Simply put the lights so they shine on the walls instead of the submissive. If you don't have a white wall, tacking up a white sheet will do. Try putting a bare bulb, just an ordinary lamp without the shade, behind the subject. This will create a glow around the darkened body and highlight the hair.

Dramatic, contrasted lighting really sets the mood for bondage. Put your lights at right angles to the camera and outside the camera's field of view. If you are using an automatic camera, put something between the lights and the camera. Some of the light sensors on automatics have a wider angle than the camera lens and can be confused by an off-camera "hot spot." You can also get really dramatic lighting effects by using a focused source of light like a slide projector.

Another source of contrasted light is candles. Although they are relatively dim, you can use a tripod and the bulb setting on a manual camera to keep the shutter open. This takes experimentation, but it is well worth it. An advantage of bondage is, if you do it right, the subject isn't going to move during the exposure.

To soften the effect of candle light without overpowering it completely, use an electronic flash and a slow shutter speed. By keeping the shutter open for a relatively long time, you capture the image of the candle flame, and the instantaneous blast of light from the flash fills in the shadows. Again, a bit of experimentation is needed, but the effects are well worth it.

Another interesting source of light is a strobe. I don't mean the electronic flash unit that has replaced flashbulbs. I'm talking about the blink, blink, blink flasher that was made popular in the '60s that is still sold by places like Radio Shack.

The beauty of this kind of dramatic lighting is that the flashes are so short that it is virtually impossible for the individual pictures to be blurred. Unlike candlelight, strobe light is most dramatic when the subject is in violent motion because one exposure can capture a number of images depending on how often the light flashes. Care should be used when employing strobe lights, although. They have been known to cause seizures.

We all want to be part of the action, but leaving the camera and entering the picture has its own set of problems. Ideally, you can leave the camera in another's hands. This will yield incalculably better pictures as the camera is being controlled by a conscious eye and an aware brain. Unfortunately, this isn't the kind of thing you can ask of the helpful next-door neighbor (unless your neighbor is infinitely more fun than mine). Lacking a third body, most people turn to some sort of remote triggering device, and they are deeply disappointed in the results.

It seems too simple to set the camera on a tripod, step into the action, and produce an erotic masterpiece. In reality, using a remote-triggered camera for anything more complex than a simple, "OK, everybody, look at the camera and scream" calls for considerable thought and planning if the result is even to approach acceptable standards. While it is difficult to mix a real BDSM session with photography, it is almost impossible to mix a session with remote photography. If you want to use a remote camera, plan a photo session which will include BDSM rather than a BDSM session which will include photography.

There are several ways to trigger a camera indirectly, like self-timers, air releases and wireless releases. The selftimer is the most common and the most difficult to get good pictures with. You set the timer, actuate it, run around into the action and wait for the timer to run out. This is a bigger mood wrecker than dead batteries in a vibrator.

There is simply no way to maintain the rhythm of a session while fiddling with a camera, running around and posing. To make this worse, you can't really know when the timer will run out. This makes shooting anything other than a frozen tableau an exercise in frustration. Take a whipping; out of the five seconds it takes to take a stroke, only one shot or less is of any photographic value. Factor in Murphy's Law, and you might as well be playing poker with a guy named "Doc."

An air release is a squeeze bulb connected by a thin, flexible tube to a plunger on the camera. Squeezing the bulb causes the plunger to trigger the camera. Some electronic cameras have replaced the air-operated plunger with a solenoid fired by a button you can hold in your hand, but the principle is the same. This has the advantage that you know exactly when the camera is going to go off. The disadvantage is that the tube or wire may show up in the picture. Wireless releases work in a similar fashion, except that radio waves or infrared light replace the wire.

As important as planning is in a conventional photo session, it is an order of magnitude more important when you are using a remote camera. One of the most common errors is to cut your own head off or lose an arm to a picture border.

Use the submissive as a registration point and plan what you are going to do around that point. Don't forget to allow for perspective. If you are going to be in front of the registration point, you will be larger and more likely to be cut off. This problem is heightened if you are using a wide angle lens, which amplifies perspective. The easiest thing is to stay in the same plane, the same distance from the camera, as the submissive or to get behind him or her.

I also block out the frame. Before the session I set up several camera locations and mark where the tripod touches the floor with masking tape. Then, sighting through the camera, I have the submissive mark the floor at the edges of the camera's frame (what it can "see") with strips of tape. That way, when I have set up the camera at one of the marked locations, I can just look down at the floor to see if I am in the horizontal part of the frame.

Blocking the vertical parts are more difficult. This is why I suggest you remain in the same plane with the submissive. By remembering where his or her head is in reference to the edge of the frame, you can judge how you are fitting. I also use a spare light stand. By putting it where I intend to stand with the top of the lamp where my head will be, I can adjust the camera so I will be completely in the frame when I take my position replacing the light stand.

Whether we are part of the picture or our camera dwells on the magnificence of submission, the beauty we create in our submissives can be ours forever. The camera is a natural adjunct to chains, whips and the erotic stimulation we lavish on those we control.

Once the pictures have been taken, there is the temptation to show them around. There is an old saying, "Don't write anything or take a picture of anything you don't want shown in open court." I'm not that paranoid, but I respect the sentiment.

This is where being part of a group can be valuable. You can bring prints to a meeting or a munch (if the rules allow it), pass them around, bask in the admiration and retrieve them for safe storage.

Online is a whole different matter. There is no such thing as "sharing" electronically. It's always "giving away." Once you have sent an electronic image to anyone you have effectively lost all control of it. From a legal point of view, you still retain the copyright and theoretically have complete control over how the picture is used. You also have a complete right to go through an intersection when the light is green, not that it does you much good if the other car doesn't feel like respecting that right. Depending unthinkingly on either right, can leave your life a pile of smoking wreckage.

To make things worse, as I said, in the section about going from online to face-to-face, you don't really know someone until you've met them face-to-face. The "best friend" you have online might be quite different from how you imagine him or her. About the best "bad news" you can get is to discover that your photo is now on someone else's website or in an advertisement with another person's name attached to it.

That's the best news.

What happens if your name is attached to the photo?

Sadly, there isn't much you can do. Oh, you can sue. That's expensive, and worse, it requires an explicit admission from you in public that this, indeed, is your photograph. Newspapers and television news programs provide a valuable service to the community, but they also have a ravenous appetite for trivial scandal. In the late 196/, Andy Warhol promised everyone fifteen minutes of fame. Do you want this to be yours?

The best way to prevent it is to be careful with what you do with photographs, particularly in this digital age.

A graphics designer friend of mine suggested a unique approach that has the added fillip of embarrassing the person who's trying to embarrass you. I'm not certain of how well it would really work, but I'll pass it on with a chuckle. Before she sends out any pictures of herself, she runs them through her computer, carefully cuts off the head and pastes it back on, a pixel or two out of register. It's her plan that, should any of the pictures come back to haunt her, she'll announce it's a fake and point out that the head was "obviously" grafted on from another picture.


Input:
 Write a guide on making leather toys for BDSM activities, including whips, blindfolds, and cuffs.

Start by introducing the allure of leather and why it is an important material in the BDSM scene. Explain that while leather goods can be expensive, they can also be made by hand with the right tools and techniques.

List the essential tools for leatherwork, such as a metal straightedge, shears, a draw gauge, and a rotary punch.

Explain basic leatherworking techniques, including cutting, shaping, and fastening.

Describe different methods of joining two pieces of leather together, including sewing, gluing, and using rivets.

Explain how to dye and finish leather for a professional-looking result.

Provide detailed instructions for making a basic whip, a blindfold, and a pair of wrist cuffs. Include illustrations or diagrams where appropriate.

Throughout the guide, emphasize the importance of practicing techniques on scrap leather before working on a final project, and provide tips for achieving professional-looking results.

Response:
Making Leather Toys

Naked, except for leather cuffs and collar, the submissive stands before the master. Clad from head to toe in leather, the mistress enters the dungeon. Cool leather against the throat and the touch of a leather glove sliding possessively along the small of the back.

There is something about leather, its texture, its color, even its smell. It calls to us. Unfortunately, that call has a price tag. Leather goods are not cheap, and the very special items we use in the scene are even more expensive than the semi-vanilla coats, dresses and gloves we admire in the display windows of such paragons of the status quo as Saks and Bergdorf Goodman.

The flip side of this is that somebody did make the whips, cuffs and collars we admire. There is no magic in leather work. A whip need not be made by the dark of the night while obscure odors rise from a bubbling, nearby pot and ancient hags chant in a forgotten language. (It might be fun, but you don't have to do it that way.)

For basic leather work, only a few basic tools and supplies are needed.

  * A metal straightedge will allow you to draw straight lines and make straight cuts
  * Shears with serrated blades are invaluable when cutting light-and medium-weight leather
  * A Stript-Ease draw gauge cuts straps of even widths with a replaceable razor blade
  * A mat knife with replaceable blade is useful for general cutting
  * A moderately light hammer can be used for setting rivets and other fasteners
  * A pounce wheel or space marker is used for indicating evenly spaced marks for hand sewing
  * An edge beveler takes a sliver off a thick piece of leather to give a beveled trim along the side
  * A rotary punch has tubes of various sizes for punching holes in leather
  * A cutting board should be made out of soft wood
  * An anvil serves as a backstop for hammering or pounding
  * A few heavy needles for sewing the pieces of leather together
  * Expendable supplies consist of: leather glue, waxed thread, sharpening stone

First, let's look at some basic techniques.

Perhaps what's most important to recognize is that you are going to make mistakes at first. True, leather is expensive, but it is better to "waste" some leather practicing than to make the mistakes during a major project. Begin by practicing techniques on scrap leather.

There are three basic ways to cut leather: with free-hand knives, with shears and with a draw gauge.

When cutting with a knife, always place the leather flat against a soft wood surface. Press a ruler against the leather and draw the knife along the ruler's edge. There is no need to cut completely through the leather with one stroke. Many strokes will cut even the thickest piece.

Don't hesitate to resharpen the knife frequently. There is no such thing as too sharp a knife. Even replaceable blades can be touched up with the sharpening stone.

Shears can be used to cut both light- and mediumthickness leather and are preferred when there a lot of curves to be cut. However, knives work best on long straight runs.

A draw gauge cuts even strips, and it is invaluable for collars, cuffs and whip lashes. After you make a single, guide cut, it will make another cut a constant distance from the first. It requires a firm grip and a steady pull, but it produces a fine, even cut. One version of the draw gauge, called the Stript-Ease, is inexpensive and uses replaceable razor blades.

Use an edging tool to put a bevel in the edge of the heavy leather you are going to use for a collar or cuff. They come in sizes 1 (smallest) to 5 (largest) and have a U-shaped blade that you push along the edge.

To make the bevel smoother, you can sand it with fine sandpaper or emery paper.

There are several ways to attach two pieces of leather together. The two most common are sewing and gluing. Often they are used in conjunction with each other.

Hand sewing is quite simple because you aren't expected to shove the needle through leather. Use the pounce wheel and a ruler to make a series of evenly spaced marks on the leather and then poke a hole through with a hammer and punch or with what is called a saddler's awl. With the holes already in place, sewing is a cinch.

Two basic stitches are the running stitch and the backstitch. With the running stitch, you simply go down through one hole and up through the next. The backstitch is made after the running stitch is completed. While the running stitch went down through the first hole, with the backstitch, you come up through that hole. This way, thread is on both sides of the leather.

Often, you will want to glue two pieces together before sewing. In fact for some applications, you can just glue and avoid sewing. There are adhesives sold specifically for leather. One of my favorites is Tandy Leathercraft Cement. However, there are many others, and most do a very good job.

The basic process is to coat both pieces of leather with the cement, let them dry and then press the pieces together. They will form a permanent bond almost instantly, but you should tap them with a mallet to assure that the bond is solid.

Because the bond is instantaneous, if you are connecting two pieces that have to be in perfect alignment, use the slip-sheet method. You should prepare the pieces with cement and let them dry. Then you can put a sheet of paper or clear plastic over one piece. The other piece should be placed on top of the paper or plastic. You should make sure that the pieces are in perfect alignment and then slowly pull the paper or plastic from between them, pressing down on each section as the pieces come in contact.

Rivets can be used for decoration or as another method of fastening two or more pieces of leather together. First, you can use your rotary punch to make a hole through the leather, lay the rivet post over the pounding board, and place the punched leather over the post. You should make sure that the pretty side is up. If you are connecting two pieces of leather, make sure that the bottom one has the pretty side down.

You can choose a rivet that is the correct size. This may take a bit of practice. A rivet that is too short will not make a permanent connection, and one that is too long will not make a firm connection. About an eighth of an inch of the male part of the rivet should be showing above the leather after you have inserted in the hole in the leather. Then you can just put the female end of the rivet onto the prong and strike it sharply with the setting tool. The two will be permanently connected.

Snaps are easy to close and easy to take off. For this reason, they aren't really useful for anything that will be used for restraint. However, they are great for decorative collars and cuffs.

There are four parts to a snap. Two go together in one piece and two go together in the other. Each brand is slightly different so you should follow the instructions carefully. As with rivets, practice is essential before you attempt to set a snap in a for-real project.

For items you will use for restraint, buckles are effective fasteners. Generally, the simplest, a single-bar buckle, is best. The oblong slot for the prong can be cut away with your mat knife, but special oblong punches are also available. You can expect your buckles to be taking a lot of pressure so it is wise to glue, sew and rivet them in place.

Black leather is traditional for scene activities, and while any color is acceptable, many people like the look of black. This means your leather will have to be dyed. Fortunately, dyeing is quite easy.

The basic rule is that the leather must be clean and dry before you begin. If the leather has grease or oil on it, you should get some leather cleaning solution. Do not use saddle soap for cleaning at this point because that is for cleaning finished projects.

Dyes are available in both oil- and water-based formulas. Since scene gear is often worn close to the skin, and during a scene sweating is not uncommon, so I recommend an oil-based dye.

Dye can be applied in several ways. For large areas, you can use a soft cloth or piece of woolskin you can buy at leather craft stores. If you use woolskin, soak it in mineral oil to keep it from absorbing too much of the dye. The dye should be in a shallow pan. Pouring it out from the bottle onto the applicator takes too much time, and it is likely to result in an uneven application. You should apply the dye with broad, smooth strokes. Once you start, do not stop. Going back once the dye has dried never gives a good result.

For smaller areas, the use of a dauber is best. You can make one with a bit of cotton waste or woolskin on a piece of wire. It looks like the dauber in a shoe polish bottle.

Once the dye is dry, you should rub the are with a soft cloth to remove the excess dye. Finally, for a glossy, water resistant finish, you can use Omega Finish Coat or Fieding Tan-Kote.

Omega Carnauba Creme gives a soft, lustrous finish. However, saddle soap, or even Vaseline petroleum jelly, will do the job quite well.

Some leatherwork projects

Now, let's look at three simple projects you can do, a whip, a blindfold and a pair of wrist cuffs.

For the whip, you need an eight-inch by 22-inch rectangular piece of leather and a six-inch-long dowel. You must draw a line six inches from one end of the piece of leather and then cut a series of strips, ½ inch wide, from the other end to this line. This should give you a fringelike affair of about 16 strips, ½ inch wide and 16 inches long.

Next you can put the wooden dowel against one side of the uncut part of the leather and roll the leather around it. You now have a workable cat. All you need to do is nail the leather against the dowel, and you are ready to whip.

Of course, you may want to fancy up the whip by dyeing it or putting rivets or studs in the handle. However, for all practical purposes, you are finished.

Making a blindfold is a bit more complex. You will need two circular pieces of leather and two circular pieces of rabbit fur or lamb's wool three inches across, one piece of leather 33 inches long by half an inch across, and a metal buckle.

You can cut two three-inch-long pieces off the 33-inch strip. One of these should be riveted to the good side of each circular piece of leather. Each strip should have two rivets one inch in from the side. This will leave one inch between each pair.

Next you can glue the fur circles to the opposite side of each piece of leather and attach the buckle with a rivet to the end of the long strip of leather, which should be 27 inches long now. Finally, you must slide the strap under the leather strips on the circular pieces.

The most complex project I'm going to get into is a leather cuff. This kind of cuff can be used either on wrists or ankles but cannot be used for suspension. One cuff requires:

  * A ten-inch by two-inch rectangle of heavy leather
  * A ten-inch by two-inch rectangle of heavy rabbit fur or lamb's wool
  * A 16-inch by ¾ inch strap of leather
  * A belt-type buckle

To start, you should cut an oblong hole in one end of the 16-inch strap to let the tongue of the buckle go through and move. Then, you must glue and rivet the buckle in place by cutting the other end into a "V" and putting holes for the buckle's tongue not more than 1/4 inch apart for at least eight inches.

The next step is to put the assembled "belt" on the leather rectangle. The end of the buckle should be about a ½ inch from one end. You can rivet the belt to the rectangle four inches from that end of the rectangle and put a D-ring over the far end of the belt before sliding it up against the rivet.

This next is important. You must bend the incomplete cuff around an object until you can fasten the belt as tightly as could you ever expect to do it. Now, you need to mark the position for the next rivet on both the strap and on the leather rectangle. It should go seven inches further along the strap than the first rivet. You can now unbuckle the belt and set the rivet. The belt should be buckling out from the leather rectangle if the rivet is set in the right place. If it is tight against the leather, you will not be able to curve the cuff to put it on.

If you expect your submissive to enjoy struggling, you might add another pair of rivets halfway between the two you have set, with the D-ring between them. It isn't necessary, but it holds a bit more securely. The final step is to glue the fur on the inside of the cuff.

Suggested Reading

_21st Century Kinkycrafts,_ Janet W. Hardy (ed), Greenery Press


Input:
 Explain how to turn an ordinary home into a secret dungeon for BDSM activities.

Start by explaining the importance of creating a space that is suitable for entertaining vanilla friends but can be quickly converted for more energetic activities. Use the term "plausible deniability," meaning every item in the room should have a plausible vanilla use in case of any suspicion.

The centerpiece of the room should be a bondage table that is at least four feet long to support any head and torso combination. Attachment points like screw eyes or cleats should be installed underneath the overhang. A non-skid chair pad can be added for additional stimulation, and the table can be covered with a futon or a Korean Papa San chair for versatility.

For spanking, a heavily padded loveseat or antique cobbler's bench makes a perfect surface and won't arouse suspicion. Exposed beams can be fitted with screw eyes or hanging plants can be used for camouflage. Carpentry clamps can be attached to doors for standing bondage, or a removable chinning bar can be used.

A freestanding swing set is perfect for suspension and can be easily explained away as exercise equipment. A MultiMatic ladder can also be used for multiple bondage positions.

In the bedroom, a four-poster or antique brass bed provides plenty of attachment points, but care must be taken not to damage the bed. Modern beds can be enhanced with marine cleats or screw eyes. Sportsheets can also be added for more versatility.

Finally, lighting can be changed to set the mood, using colored bulbs or flickering electric lights designed to mimic torch flames.

Throughout the guide, provide detailed explanations of each item and how it can be used for bondage, and include images where appropriate.

Response:
Your Secret Dungeon

A while back I visited a personal dungeon belonging to some members of Black Rose, the Washington, D.C., BDSM group. Located in a finished basement, it was a fantasy paradise. The walls and ceiling were painted black and decorated with a profusion of straps, paddles, ropes and whips. Wall-to-wall red carpeting covered the floor, and the place was lit with a number of aimed, colored accent lights on the ceiling. The equipment included a suspension frame made of heavy timbers, a leather-covered spanking bench and a barred jail cell.

Not all of us are lucky enough to have a space that we can set aside for such a room. In fact, this particular dungeon was almost as large as many New York apartments. However, with a little imagination, we can put together a room suitable for entertaining vanilla friends which can be quickly converted to more energetic activities. The key to this decorating is a term I borrowed from friends in the intelligence community: plausible deniability. This means that every item has a plausible vanilla use, so you can answer any suspicion with an innocent blank stare.

The centerpiece of such a room is a table suitable for bondage. If you look at the coffee tables in a furniture store, you will find that some of them are too delicate for such activities, but others are quite firmly put together. You should seek one at least four feet long. This length will support any head and torso combination. The legs can be allowed to bend at the knees and hang over. However, my feeling is, the longer the better. There is something delicious about a submissive spread out and available like a buffet.

When you get it home, put a series of attachment points about six inches to a foot underneath the overhang of the top. Of course, if you really want to generate curious questions, you can put them along the edge. Screw eyes are acceptable, but I prefer cleats from a marine supply store. These are used to attach boats to piers and look like squashed H's resting on their side. Their advantage is that ropes attached to them can be untied quickly and easily.

If your submissive enjoys a bit of additional stimulation while tied up, get a non-skid chair-pad from an office supply store, and trim it so it fits the top of the table. The little plastic spikes on the bottom of the pad provide an interesting surface for any submissive to lie on. You should provide padding or make a cutout in the pad so the submissive's head and, if appropriate, knees or elbows are protected from the bed-of-nails effect. The pad can easily be stored out of sight when not in use.

As I noted in the "Cutting" section of the Fun and Games chapter, a futon, with or without its pad, is the perfect bondage frame. However, most are put together too delicately to restrain an enthusiastic submissive. You need to drill a few pilot holes and reinforce where each slat is connected to its brace. The original screw and a three-inch reinforcing screw will withstand almost any conceivable stress that a submissive bound in place on the frame could produce. Naturally, this is another place where the reversed office mat can find an application.

By throwing the futon's padded mat over the raised back, you have a perfect surface for spanking or cropping. You can have the submissive stand behind the futon and bend forward so his or her hands are touching the seat and tie the hands to the crossbars at the front of the seat with the legs tied to the vertical braces on either end of the end. This provides a beautiful, spread target. If, despite the pad, the submissive is uncomfortable, try doubling up the pad to cut down on the pressure on his or her stomach.

Another piece of Asian furniture that lends itself to bondage is a Korean Papa San chair. The basic configuration is a bowl made of heavy pieces of curved bamboo with a circular pad that fits inside the bowl. The whole thing rests on something that looks like a giant egg-holder. This chair can be used for bondage in its "normal" configuration with the submissive either sitting with feet on the floor and hands and knees tied to the rim, or it can be used with the submissive sitting in the lotus position with his or her hands and knees tied to the rim.

However, if you put the bamboo-frame bowl upside down on the floor, its real potential for bondage comes out. Here we have a dome-shaped frame on which a submissive can be tied in a multitude of ways while arched to receive stimulation. Simply as an _objet d'art,_ such a combination of bamboo and flesh is a prize to be cherished.

If you enjoy spanking, a heavily padded loveseat (what an appropriate name) or an antique cobbler's bench provide a perfect surface, while not exciting any comments at all from vanilla visitors.

If you have exposed beams, you have an ideal place to put a few screw eyes. Paint them black or the same color as the beams, and most people won't notice them. Few of us ever look up unless something catches our eye. Further camouflage can be provided by a hanging plant or two.

For the floor, I've seen some plate-and-ring units that fit right into the floor and, when not in use, lie perfectly flat. Of course, they require that you use a chisel or router to make an appropriately sized hole in the floor, but once in place they are almost unnoticeable. The people who had them said that they were purchased at a marine supply store.

If you don't want to put in permanent eyebolts, get a pair of heavy carpentry clamps and fasten them to the top of a door. You can then put someone in standing bondage against the door. Exercise stores also sell removable chinning bars that provide an attachment point that should be fairly secure.

While it wouldn't be appropriate for the living room, a freestanding swing set would not be out of place in a playroom or in the cellar, and it provides a perfect brace for standing bondage or even a bit of suspension. If you don't have children, you can deflect suspicion with a casual comments such as, "The last tenants left this, and we haven't gotten around to taking it down," or, "Isn't it cute? We got it to try to recapture some of the memories of our youth."

Even more discreet is a simple ladder. After all, everyone needs to change light bulbs or dust for cobwebs. Even an ordinary ladder provides a multitude of attachment points for naughty submissives, and modern technology has made the ladder even better. A neighbor has a Rube- Goldberg-type ladder, called a MultiMatic, that is jointed so that it can be converted into a conventional straight ladder, a stepladder, a scaffolding or into a number of other forms. Occasionally, I borrow the ladder with an appropriately vague excuse. If only he knew.

In the bedroom, a four-poster or a Shaker-style pencil- post bed fits right in. However, you should make your attachments as close as possible to the frame. A friend literally pulled her pencil-post bed apart when her lover tied the ropes from her legs to the top of the posts. The combination of her orgasm, the strength in her legs and the leverage provided by the long post was too much for the antique. The bed was repaired, but the relationship did not fare as well.

Antique brass beds provide a multitude of attachment points. Modern beds, particularly water beds or those designed like water beds, are less congenial. However, a series of marine cleats or screw eyes along the base of the bed, under the mattress overhang, increase the utility of these beds from a bondage point of view. If you have a waterbed, make sure that the attaching screws have not penetrated the wood to rest against the mattress material. This kind of oversight could give a whole new meaning to the term "water sports."

Modern beds can be turned into an exceptionally versatile bondage surface by adding Sportsheets. These are described in more detail in the Opening the Toybox chapter.

Lighting is important in setting the scene. In most cases, this is as simple as unscrewing the white bulbs in a few selected sockets and replacing them with colored lights. However, anyone who has watched late-night movies knows dungeons often have flickering torches. Unfortunately for the modern dungeon master, the old dungeons also had stone walls. Romantic torches are not kind to wallboard walls and ceilings. However, I've found electric lights that flicker just like candle flames. A cluster of these gives an impression of a torch (if you squint really hard).

With a little work and a bit of imagination, you can have it all, kinky dungeon and vanilla home.


Input:
 Describe the etiquette for attending a scene party, including dress code, punctuality, parking, tag-along guests, anonymity, dungeon masters, scene behavior, cleaning up after oneself, intoxication, and party manners.

Start by explaining the importance of being respectful and considerate towards others at the party. Mention that most BDSM groups are strict about drugs and alcohol consumption, and that drunkenness is not tolerated.

Elaborate on the dress code and suggest wearing basic black or creative outfits for women. For parking, advise attendees to park discreetly to avoid alarming neighbors. Additionally, discuss the importance of punctuality, as most scene parties start on time and lock their doors afterward for privacy and to maintain the party's rhythm.

Discuss the issue of tag-along guests and emphasize that it's impolite to bring uninvited guests to a scene party. Explain the concept of anonymity and recommend that attendees should refrain from revealing their identities outside of the party or approaching people they met at the party outside of it. Suggest using business cards if one wishes to connect with someone they met at the party.

Next, describe the role of dungeon masters or dungeon monitors, who are responsible for maintaining order and ensuring safe play. Advise attendees to follow their instructions and not interrupt scenes in progress. Moreover, emphasize the need to keep noise levels low in scene areas and give players adequate space to play. If a scene is deemed dangerous by a dungeon master, attendees should avoid interfering and instead, seek help from them to address the issue.

Regarding scene behavior, advise players to clean up after themselves and respect other people's toys. Additionally, advise attendees to avoid displaying homophobia or heterophobia, as this is in poor taste. Mention that intoxication is not tolerated, and that hosts could face extreme consequences if drugs are found at the party.

Lastly, advise attendees to use manners, such as saying please and thank you, and to clean up after themselves. Discuss the issue of safewords and the possibility of a house safeword enforced by dungeon monitors to ensure consensual scenes. Remind attendees that submissives serving at the party are not to be touched or used without permission. Lastly, recommend sending a thank you note to the hosts after the party as a gesture of appreciation.

Response:
Party Manners

Being invited to your first scene party can be a great thrill, but at the same time, it can be a nerve-wracking experience. However, if you're reasonably able to deal with people as people, have been housebroken to the point that you won't embarrass yourself and others in a well-run mall and have a bit of common sense, you shouldn't have any problems.

Of course, the rules among groups vary. Some groups, like Threshold on the West Coast, won't even let you attend one of their parties until you have attended an orientation meeting. Most, however, assume that you are sufficiently intelligent to ask if you're uncertain. The problem lies with knowing what to ask about.

Clothing

Most scene people are casual about clothing, but at the same time, a Lacoste shirt and Eddie Bauer jeans can "suck energy" from a scene. This doesn't mean you have to invest two months of pay in a leather outfit complete with codpiece. Basic black is always acceptable. Ladies can let their imagination run wild. I've never seen an outfit too extreme for a scene party.

However, and this is a big however, when the party is held in a private home the hosts may not want to advertise their orientation to the entire neighborhood. It might be a good idea to slip on something over the outfit or carry it in a paper bag.

Punctuality

In much of the vanilla world, an 8 p.m. party invitation means showing up sometime after 8:30. If you are going to a scene party, arriving at 8:45 may mean facing darkened windows and locked doors.

Both for security (imagine a neighbor coming over for a cup of sugar) and to prevent the rhythm of the scenes from being broken, many parties lock the doors after the action begins.

Parking

You may be told to park in a particular place. Do it. Many people don't want to advertise the party with cars lining the street outside their house.

Tag-along guests

Even more than at a sit-down dinner for a head of state, unwanted and unknown guests are a no-no at a scene party. It is all right to ask, once, but if the answer is "No," drop it right there.

Anonymity

Expect to cultivate a selective amnesia about people.

At the party, they are who they say they are. You might make a hit by saying, "Gee, I recognize you. I loved your last picture," but it is more likely you'll find yourself shunned as a barbarian. After the party, forget who you met until the next party. You may think you are being cute by saying, "Remember me? We met at Irene's party," to a familiar face, but a more likely result is no more invitations. If you see someone, a shy smile indicating vague recognition is about as far as you can go unless they respond.

If you really want to meet that little red-headed submissive you played with last night, it is permissible to call the host and give him or her your phone number to pass on if possible. It is the height of bad manners to ask for anyone else's phone number, except from the person in question.

To make this easier, I keep some small printed cards in my toy belt. They have my name, post office box address and telephone number. It is a lot easier to give someone a card like this than to try to make out a phone number scribbled on the back of a matchbook the next day.

Dungeon masters or dungeon monitors

At large parties, there are often experienced players who are in charge of keeping order and making sure people play safe. They are usually very polite, but their word is law. If one of them says something like, "I don't think it is safe to do that," stop it immediately. The reasonable tone is not an invitation to a debate.

Scene behavior

Usually, there will be one or more areas set aside for scenes. While you are in these areas, keep the casual chitchat to a minimum. It can be very distracting to both the submissive and the dominant in the midst of a scene to overhear someone discussing the stock market. Even if your broker is E.F. Hutton, take the discussion out into a social area.

Give people room to play. By the same token, if you are playing, keep your play reasonable for the space available. You may be proud of your ability to use a bullwhip, but a 10' by 12' scene room during a party is no place to demonstrate it.

If you want to ask someone who is in the middle of a scene a question, ask it after the scene is over. Breaking into a scene is always disruptive and can be dangerous. In some scenes, concentration is vital. In all of them, it is part of the pleasure.

If your scene is messy, clean up after yourself or have your submissive do it. A thoughtful dominant who brings a sheet to catch bits of wax or shaving cream is much more likely to be invited back than one who leaves a pile of litter behind.

If you think someone's scene is dangerous, you can seek out a dungeon master or the host to draw it to his or her attention. Again, debate is not an option. Accept the master's opinion. What you cannot do is stop it yourself or criticize it.

If you simply find a scene distasteful, go somewhere else. No one is making you watch. As an extension of this, displays of homophobia (or for that matter, heterophobia) are in the worst possible taste.

Intoxication

This varies a lot according to the group, but most BDSM groups are pretty straitlaced when it comes to drugs and booze. Some forbid it entirely, while others expect you to limit yourself to a single beer. Drunkenness is a sure ticket to the door. Remember, under the present laws, if you are caught with drugs by the police, the party giver could have his or her house confiscated. That is not good manners.

Party Manners

Some people feel that if they wear their whip on the left side it somehow excuses them from conventional manners. Actually, the opposite is true. Manners didn't arise from the lower classes. They were developed by a bunch of very dominant individuals to keep them from cutting each others' throats at the slightest jostle. Saying "please" and "thank you" to the serving submissives doesn't weaken your air of dominance; it enhances it. The same goes for cleaning up after yourself.

Never use or even touch another person's toys without asking. Most people are proud of their collection and enjoy showing it off. If you damage a toy, offer to replace or pay for it. These things can be very expensive. Assume the first refusal is a courtesy. I would recommend asking three times to show you are serious.

As in the public clubs, submissives are to be looked at but not touched or used in any way unless you are given specific permission. There may be submissives serving the food. Unless you have been told that it is desired, do not attempt to humiliate them in any way.

Safewords

You may assign or have your submissive choose a safeword. However, some parties have a house safeword. This is usually something common like "red light." This assures that the dungeon masters can check on the consensuality of the scene and that any "pick-up" scenes are fully consensual.

Even more than at public clubs, your behavior at private parties can make or break your reputation. You want to make sure that everything you do enhances the reputation that is your most important scene possession. Sending a short note thanking the hosts is always appropriate.