Input:
 Title: Index for a Nonfiction Book on Polyamory and Alternative Lifestyles

Introduction:
The following is an index for a nonfiction book about polyamory and alternative lifestyles. The index should include a comprehensive list of topics, subtopics, and page references to help readers quickly find the information they need.

Prompt:
Write an index for a nonfiction book about polyamory and alternative lifestyles. The index should include the following main topics and subtopics:

1. Abortion (page references)
2. Abundance (page references)
3. Abusive relationships (page references)
4. Affection (page references)
5. Affirmations (page references)
6. Afterglow (page references)
7. Age (page references)
8. Agreements (page references)
	* Changing (page references)
	* Consent and (page references)
	* Emotional cost and (page references)
	* Examples of (page references)
	* Exercise (page references)
	* Flexible (page references)
	* Goals, defining (page references)
	* Lack of (page references)
	* Legal (page references)
	* Making and keeping (page references)
	* Need for, identifying (page references)
	* Negotiating differences (page references)
	* Predictability and (page references)
	* Purpose of (page references)
	* Rules vs. (page references)
	* Veto power in (page references)
9. AIDS. _See_ HIV/AIDS
10. Alcohol (page references)
11. Anal sex (page references)
12. Anger (page references)
	* Communicating (page references)
	* Exercise (page references)
	* Importance of (page references)
	* Jealousy and (page references)
	* Listening to (page references)
	* Working with (page references)
13. Arguments. _See_ Conflict
14. Aromanticism (page references)
15. Asexuality (page references)
16. BDSM (page references)
17. Beliefs (page references)
	* Of ethical sluts (page references)
	* About love (page references)
	* Questioning (page references)
	* In right and wrong (page references)
18. Birth control (page references)
19. Bisexuals (page references)
	* Cruising and (page references)
	* Sluthood and (page references)
	* Swinging and (page references)
20. Black communities, poly in (page references)
21. Blame (page references)
22. Body image (page references)
23. Boundaries (page references)
	* Children and (page references)
	* Couples dealing with (page references)
	* Cultural differences in (page references)
	* Described (page references)
	* Importance of (page references)
	* In relationships (page references)
	* Role (page references)
	* Single sluts and (page references)
	* _See also_ Limits; "No," saying
24. Breakups (page references)
25. Byrne, Olive "Dotsie," (page references)
26. Celibacy (page references)
27. Centrisms (page references)
28. Cheating (page references)
29. Children (page references)
	* Adopting (page references)
	* Boundaries for (page references)
	* Choosing to have (page references)
	* Creating consistency for (page references)
	* In extended families (page references)
	* Losing custody of (page references)
	* Of lovers (page references)
	* Lovers and (page references)
	* Questions from (page references)
	* Sex education for (page references)
	* Talking with (page references)
30. Church of All Worlds (page references)
31. Circles (page references)
32. Clean love (page references)
33. Commitment (page references)
34. Communication (page references)
	* With children (page references)
	* Dumping vs. sharing (page references)
	* About jealousy (page references)
	* About sex (page references)
	* Skills (page references)
35. Community/extended family (page references)
	* Boundaries and (page references)
	* Breakups and (page references)
	* Building (page references)
	* Children and (page references)
36. Compersion (page references)
37. Competitiveness (page references)
38. Condoms (page references)
39. Conflict (page references)
	* Blame and (page references)
	* Exercises (page references)
	* Fighting fair (page references)
	* Freedom and (page references)
	* I-messages (page references)
	* Jealousy concealing (page references)
	* Owning your feelings during (page references)
	* Resolution (page references)
	* Resources for (page references)
	* Responses to (page references)
	* Scheduling fights (page references)
	* Taking time to respond (page references)
	* Triggering (page references)
	* Win-win solutions (page references)
	* Writing letters (page references)
40. Connecting (page references)
	* Challenges of (page references)
	* Desired relationship type and (page references)
	* Exercise (page references)
	* Through personal ads (page references)
	* Venues for (page references)
	* "Who" list for (page references)
41. Consent (page references)
	* Culture of (page references)
	* Defining (page references)
	* Gay men and (page references)
	* At group sex parties (page references)
	* Importance of (page references)
	* Lesbian women and (page references)
	* Violations (page references)
42. Constellations (page references)
43. Couples (page references)
	* Challenges for (page references)
	* Committed (page references)
	* Cruising as (page references)
	* Married (page references)
	* Monogamish (page references)
	* Multihouse (page references)
	* At sex parties (page references)
	* Single sluts with (page references)
	* Traditional (page references)
44. Couples' counselors (page references)
45. Cruising (page references)
	* Flirting vs. (page references)
	* Gender roles and (page references)
	* Strategies (page references)
	* _See also_ Flirting
46. Crushes (page references)
47. Cultural diversity (page references)
48. Curiosity (page references)
49. Denial (page references)
50. Disability (page references)
51. Disease. _See_ Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
52. Divorce (page references)
53. Drugs (page references)
54. Dumping (page references)
55. Ecosex (page references)
56. Emotions. _See_ Feelings
57. Ethical sluts (page references)
	* Beliefs of (page references)
	* Described (page references)
	* In love with monogamists (page references)
	* Manifesto of (page references)
	* New generation of (page references)
	* Single (page references)
	* Skills of (page references)
	* Utopian vision for (page references)
58. Exercises (page references)
59. Faithfulness (page references)
60. Family (page references)
	* Chosen (page references)
	* Friends as (page references)
	* New forms of (page references)
	* Nuclear (page references)
	* Of origin (page references)
	* Traditional (page references)
	* _See also_ Children; Community/extended family
61. Fantasy (page references)
62. Fear (page references)
63. Feelings (page references)
	* Avoiding (page references)
	* Dumping vs. sharing (page references)
	* Exercises (page references)
	* Honesty about (page references)
	* Others' (page references)
	* Owning your (page references)
	* Projecting (page references)
	* Triggering (page references)
	* _See also_ Jealousy; _specific emotions_
64. Feminism (page references)
65. Fidelity. _See_ Faithfulness; Polyfidelity
66. Fighting. _See_ Conflict
67. Flirting (page references)
	* Art of (page references)
	* Cruising vs. (page references)
	* Gender roles and (page references)
68. Fluid bonding/fluid monogamy (page references)
69. Friends (page references)
	* With benefits (page references)
	* Breakups and (page references)
	* Exes as, (page references)
	* As lovers (page references)
	* Partner's lovers as (page references)
	* As support (page references)
70. Fuck buddies (page references)
71. Gender fluidity (page references)
72. Genderqueer people (page references)
73. Gender roles (page references)
74. Gossip (page references)
75. Grief (page references)
76. Groups (page references)
	* Challenges for (page references)
	* Commitment in (page references)
	* Cruising as (page references)
	* Multihouse (page references)
	* At sex parties (page references)
77. Guilt (page references)
78. Herpes (page references)
79. Heterosexuals (page references)
	* Cruising and (page references)
	* Sluthood and (page references)
80. Hierarchy of Hard exercise (page references)
81. HIV/AIDS (page references)
82. Honesty (page references)
	* Emotional (page references)
	* Importance of (page references)
83. Horizontal hostility (page references)
84. Hypersensitivity (page references)
85. I-messages (page references)
86. Inadequacy, feelings of (page references)
87. Infections. _See_ Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
88. Internet (page references)
	* Breakups and (page references)
	* Connecting with others on (page references)
	* As information resource (page references)
89. Intersectionality (page references)
90. Intersex (page references)
91. Intimacy (page references)
	* Adventurousness and (page references)
	* Avoiding (page references)
	* Deepening (page references)
	* Myths about (page references)
92. Ethical sluts (page references)
	* Beliefs of (page references)
	* Described (page references)
	* In love with monogamists (page references)
	* Manifesto of (page references)
	* New generation of (page references)
	* Single (page references)
	* Skills of (page references)
	* Utopian vision for (page references)
93. Exercises (page references)
94. Faithfulness (page references)
95. Family (page references)
	* Chosen (page references)
	* Friends as (page references)
	* New forms of (page references)
	* Nuclear (page references)
	* Of origin (page references)
	* Traditional (page references)
	* _See also_ Children; Community/extended family
96. Fantasy (page references)
97. Fear (page references)
98. Feelings (page references)
	* Avoiding (page references)
	* Dumping vs. sharing (page references)
	* Exercises (page references)
	* Honesty about (page references)
	* Others' (page references)
	* Owning your (page references)
	* Projecting (page references)
	* Triggering (page references)
	* _See also_ Jealousy; _specific emotions_
99. Feminism (page references)
100. Fidelity. _See_ Faithfulness; Polyfidelity
101. Fighting. _See_ Conflict
102. Flirting (page references)
	* Art of (page references)
	* Cruising vs. (page references)
	* Gender roles and (page references)
103. Fluid bonding/fluid monogamy (page references)
104. Friends (page references)
	* With benefits (page references)
	* Breakups and (page references)
	* Exes as, (page references)
	* As lovers (page references)
	* Partner's lovers as (page references)
	* As support (page references)
105. Fuck buddies (page references)
106. Gender fluidity (page references)
107. Genderqueer people (page references)
108. Gender roles (page references)
109. Gossip (page references)
110. Grief (page references)
111. Groups (page references)
	* Challenges for (page references)
	* Commitment in (page references)
	* Cruising as (page references)
	* Multihouse (page references)
	* At sex parties (page references)
112. Guilt (page references)
113. Herpes (page references)
114. Heterosexuals (page references)
	* Cruising and (page references)
	* Sluthood and (page references)
115. Hierarchy of Hard exercise (page references)
116. HIV/AIDS (page references)
117. Honesty (page references)
	* Emotional (page references)
	* Importance of (page references)
118. Horizontal hostility (page references)
119. Hypersensitivity (page references)
120. I-messages (page references)
121. Inadequacy, feelings of (page references)
122. Infections. _See_ Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
123. Internet (page references)
	* Breakups and (page references)
	* Connecting with others on (page references)
	* As information resource (page references)
124. Intersectionality (page references)
125. Intersex (page references)
126. Intimacy (page references)
	* Adventurousness and (page references)
	* Avoiding (page references)
	* Deepening (page references)
	* Myths about (page references)
127. Jealousy (page references)
	* Babying yourself (page references)
	* Blame and (page references)
	* Described (page references)
	* Disempowering (page references)
	* Exercises (page references)
	* Feeling/releasing (page references)
	* Growing beyond (page references)
	* Love without (page references)
	* Monogamy and (page references)
	* Myths about (page references)
	* In others (page references)
	* Owning feelings of (page references)
	* Projecting (page references)
	* Sample stories of (page references)
	* Sing

Response:
# Index

A

Abortion, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Abundance, 1.1, 1.2, con.1

Abusive relationships, 1.1, 1.2

Affection, 1.1, 1.2

Affirmations

Afterglow

Age, 1.1, 1.2

Agreements

changing

consent and

emotional cost and

examples of

exercise

flexible

goals, defining

lack of

legal

making and keeping, c01.1, c01.2, 1.1

need for, identifying, 1.1

negotiating differences, 1.1, c01.1

predictability and

purpose of

rules vs.

veto power in

AIDS. _See_ HIV/AIDS

Alcohol, 1.1, 1.2

Anal sex, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Anger

communicating

exercise

importance and

jealousy and, 1.1, 1.2

listening to

working with

Arguments. _See_ Conflict

Aromanticism

Asexuality, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

B

BDSM, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5, 1.6, 1.7

Beliefs

of ethical sluts

about love

questioning, c01.1, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

in right and wrong

Birth control, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5

Bisexuals

cruising and

sluthood and

swinging and

Black communities, poly in

Blame, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Body image

Boundaries

children and, 1.1, 1.2

couples dealing with, 1.1, c01.1

cultural differences in

described

importance of

in relationships

role

single sluts and

_See also_ Limits; "No," saying

Breakups

Byrne, Olive "Dotsie,"

C

Celibacy, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5

Centrisms

Cheating, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Children

adopting

boundaries for, c01.1, 1.1

choosing to have

creating consistency for

in extended families, 1.1, c01.1

losing custody of

of lovers

lovers and

questions from

sex education for

talking with

Choices, owning your

Church of All Worlds

Circles

Clean love, c01.1, 1.1

Commitment, 1.1, 1.2

Communication

with children

dumping vs. sharing

about jealousy

about sex, c01.1, c01.2, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

skills

Community/extended family

boundaries and

breakups and, 1.1, c01.1

building

children and, 1.1, 1.2

Compersion

Competitiveness, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Condoms, 1.1, 1.2

Conflict

blame and, 1.1, 1.2

exercises, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

fighting fair

freedom and

I-messages

jealousy concealing

owning your feelings during

resolution, 1.1, 1.2

resources for

responses to

scheduling fights, 1.1, 1.2

taking time to respond

triggering and

win-win solutions, c01.1, 1.1

writing letters

Connecting

challenges of

desired relationship type and

exercise

through personal ads

venues for

"who" list for

Consent

culture of

defining, c01.1, c01.2, 1.1

gay men and

at group sex parties

importance of, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

lesbian women and

violations, c01.1, 1.1

Constellations, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Couples

challenges for

committed

cruising as

married

monogamish

multihouse

at sex parties

single sluts with

traditional

_See also_ Opening an existing relationship; Partnerships

Couples' counselors

Cruising

flirting vs.

gender roles and, 1.1, c01.1

at group sex parties

strategies

_See also_ Flirting

Crushes

Cultural diversity

Curiosity

D

Denial

Disability

Disease. _See_ Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

Divorce, 1.1, 1.2, 135. _See also_ Breakups

Drugs, 1.1, 1.2

Dumping

E

Ecosex

Emotions. _See_ Feelings

Ethical sluts

beliefs of

described

in love with monogamists

manifesto of

new generation of

single

skills of

utopian vision for

Exercises. _See_ _list in the Table of Contents onthis page_

F

Faithfulness

Family

chosen

friends as

new forms of

nuclear

of origin, 1.1, 1.2

traditional, 1.1, 1.2

_See also_ Children; Community/extended family

Fantasy

Fear, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5

Feelings

avoiding, 1.1, 1.2

dumping vs. sharing

exercises

honesty about, c01.1, c01.2

others', 1.1, 1.2

owning your, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1, 1.1

projecting, 1.1, 1.2

triggering

_See also_ Jealousy; _specific emotions_

Feminism, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Fidelity. _See_ Faithfulness; Polyfidelity

Fighting. _See_ Conflict

Flirting

art of

cruising vs.

gender roles and, 1.1, c01.1

_See also_ Cruising

Fluid bonding/fluid monogamy

Friends

with benefits, 1.1, 1.2

breakups and

exes as, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1

as lovers, 1.1, 1.2

partner's lovers as, 1.1, 1.2

as support, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Fuck buddies

G

Gay marriage. _See_ Same-sex marriage

Gay men

activism and communal ideals of

cruising and, 1.1, 1.2

sluthood and

Gender fluidity, 1.1, c01.1

Genderqueer people

Gender roles, c01.1, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1, 1.1

Gossip, 1.1, 1.2

Grief, 1.1, 1.2

Groups

challenges for

commitment in

cruising as

multihouse

at sex parties

Group sex

buttons and biases and

consent, establishing

couples and

embarrassment and

environments for, 1.1, c01.1

etiquette for

expectations for

gender differences and

public, 1.1, 1.2

for single sluts

true-life story of

Guilt

H

Herpes, 1.1, 1.2

Heterosexuals

cruising and

sluthood and, 1.1, c01.1

Hierarchy of Hard exercise

HIV/AIDS, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, c01.1, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Honesty

emotional, 1.1, 1.2

importance of, 1.1, c01.1, c01.2

about intentions

Horizontal hostility

Hypersensitivity

I

I-messages

Inadequacy, feelings of

Infections. _See_ Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

Internet

breakups and

connecting with others on, c01.1, c01.2

as information resource, 1.1, 1.2

Intersectionality

Intersex

Intimacy

adventurousness and

avoiding, 1.1, 1.2

deepening, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5, 1.6

myths about

J

Jealousy

babying yourself

blame and

described

disempowering

exercises, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

feeling/releasing

growing beyond

love without, 1.1, c01.1

monogamy and

myths about

in others

owning feelings of, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1

sample stories of, c01.1, 1.1, c01.1

single sluts and

talking about

toughing out

unlearning

Jelly moments

Journal writing, 1.1, 1.2

Judgments, 1.1, 1.2

K

Kerista

Kink, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5, 1.6

Kinsey, Alfred, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5

Kinsey Institute

L

Language, sex-positive

Leather culture, 1.1, 1.2

Legal agreements

Lesbian women

cruising and, 1.1, 1.2

sluthood and

Letters, writing

Life partners, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Limerence

Limits

fears and

physical

real-world, 1.1, 1.2

right to have

setting

stretching

_See also_ Boundaries; "No," saying

Listening, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Loneliness

Loss

Love

beliefs about

clean, 1.1, 1.2

courage and

crushes

falling in, 1.1, c01.1, 1.1

fear of losing

myths about

romantic, 1.1, 1.2

self-

Lubricants

M

Marriage, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Marston, Elizabeth "Sadie" Holloway

Marston, William Moulton

Masturbation

with a condom

for learning good sex

shame and, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

McMillan, Clara

Meetups, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Men

cruising and

orgasming without ejaculation

saying "yes" and "no," 54, 1.1, c01.1

_See also_ Gender roles

Metamours

Metropolitan Community Church

Mistakes, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Monogamish

Monogamy

benefits of

choosing

fluid

future of

jealousy in

myths about

serial, 1.1, 1.2

Munches, 1.1, 1.2

N

Needs

communicating, 1.1, 1.2

getting met, 1.1, c01.1

for reassurance, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Nesting partners

New Relationship Energy (NRE)

Nonbinary people

flirting and cruising by, 1.1, 1.2

sluthood and

Nondemand pleasuring

"No," saying

freedom of

gender roles and, c01.1, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

importance of

single sluts and

Noyes, John Humphrey

Nudity

Nurturing yourself

O

Oneida community, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1

One-night stands, 1.1, 1.2

Opening an existing relationship

agreements about

attitudes toward

cheating and

exercises, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

first steps toward

veto power and

Open relationships

choosing

commitment in, 1.1, 1.2

couples in

script for

Oral sex, 1.1, 1.2

Order of Perpetual Indulgence

Orgasms

benefits of

without ejaculation

rushing toward

simultaneous

spiritual

Orgies. _See_ Group sex

Ownership, 1.1, 1.2

Owning your feelings, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1, 1.1

P

Pansexuals, 1.1, 1.2

Partnerships

benefits of

forms of

multihouse

nature of

_See also_ Life partners; Nesting partners

Pathologizing, 1.1, 1.2

Perry, Troy

Personal ads

Planning, importance of, 1.1, 1.2

Platonic relationships

Pleasure

scheduling

worthiness of

Polyamory ("poly")

cultural diversity and

defining, 1.1, c01.1

etymology of

hierarchical terminology and

increasing visibility of, 1.1, 1.2

search terms for

_See also_ Open relationships

Polycules, 1.1, 1.2

Polyfidelity

Possessions

Predictability

Pregnancy, unwanted, 1.1, c01.1

PrEP, 1.1, 1.2

Primary relationships

described

multiple

reinforcing primacy of

Projection, 1.1, 1.2

Public sex, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Q

Queerness

R

Radical Faeries

Rajneeshpuram

Reassurance, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Relationship anarchy

Relationship escalator

Relationships

abusive, 1.1, 1.2

boundaries in

desired type of

longevity of

platonic

primary, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

purpose and goal of

role-constrained

varied possibilities for, c01.1, 1.1

_See also_ Couples; Groups; Opening an existing relationship; Open relationships; Partnerships

Renslow, Chuck, 1.1, 1.2

Respect, 1.1, 1.2

Revenge fucking

Roles

boundaries for

constrained

gender, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, c01.1, 1.1

Romance, c01.1, 1.1

S

Safer sex

barriers and

birth control and, 1.1, 1.2

committing to

denial and, 1.1, c01.1

drugs and

fluid bonding

gay men and

herpes and

high-risk behaviors, avoiding

HIV/AIDS and, 1.1, 1.2, c01.1, 1.1, 1.2

overview of

PrEP and, 1.1, 1.2

single sluts and

talking about

testing and

Same-sex marriage

Sarria, José, 1.1, 1.2

Scoring

Self-esteem

Self-knowledge

Self-love

Serial monogamy, 1.1, 1.2

Sex

abundance and, 1.1, 1.2, con.1

afterglow

age and disability and

anal, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

body image and

clean love and

conditions for

defining

disinformation about

exercises, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5

expanding options for

gender roles in

goal-oriented

good, learning to have

loud

myths about

negativity about, 1.1, c01.1, 1.1, c01.1

obstacles to

oral, 1.1, 1.2

possibilities of, c01.1, 1.1

purpose and goal of

rationalizing

without a reason

resistance to

rethinking

scheduling

slowing down

spiritual

talking about, c01.1, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, c01.1

turn-on, 1.1, 1.2

unprotected

_See also_ Group sex; Masturbation; Public sex; Safer sex

Sex addiction

Sex education

Sexual abuse

Sexual assault, 1.1, 1.2

Sexual dysfunction

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), c01.1, 1.1

Sex work, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Shame, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4

Single sluts

benefits of being, c01.1, c01.2

cultural attitude toward, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

ethics for

group sex and

jealousy and

loneliness and

as lover to a couple

needs of

as partner to a partner

in role-constrained relationships

singles with

support network for

Slowing down

Sluts

as adventurers

benefits of being

coming out as

cultural attitude toward, 1.1, 1.2

defining

exercise

history of

hostility toward

judgments about

myths about

reclaiming the word, 1.1, c01.1

styles of

unethical

_See also_ Ethical sluts; Single sluts

Splitting

Starvation economies, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

STIs (sexually transmitted infections), c01.1, 1.1

Swinging

T

Tantra, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Testing

Time-outs

Toys, sex, 1.1, c01.1

Trans people

flirting and cruising by, 1.1, 1.2

sluthood and

Trauma survivors

Triads

Tribes

Triggers, emotional

Turn-on, 1.1, 1.2

Twenty-Minute Fight

"Tyranny of hydraulics," 79

V

Validation, 1.1, 1.2

Veto power

Vibrators

Violations, c01.1, c01.2

W

Wife-swapping

Wills

Win-win solutions, c01.1, 1.1

Women

cruising and

saying "yes" and "no," 103

_See also_ Gender roles

Wonder Woman

Workplace

Workshops, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Writing, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3

Y

"Yes, No, Maybe" list, 1.1, 1.2

"Yes," saying, 1.1, c01.1, 1.1

Young, Ron and Lisa

Z

Zell-Ravenheart family


Input:
 Title: Promotional Text for a Book Recommendation Service

Introduction:
The following is a promotional text for a book recommendation service. The text should be engaging and informative, encouraging readers to sign up for personalized book picks and updates about their favorite authors.

Prompt:
Write a promotional text for a book recommendation service. The text should include the following elements:

1. A question about the reader's next book choice
2. A call to action to discover a great new read
3. An invitation to get personalized book recommendations
4. A prompt to sign up for the service now
5. A mention of receiving up-to-date news about the author

Example:

Title: Promotional Text for a Book Recommendation Service

Introduction:
Write a promotional text for a book recommendation service that encourages readers to sign up for personalized book picks and updates about their favorite authors.

Prompt:
What's next on your reading list?
Discover your next great read!
Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author.
Sign up now.

Response:
# _What's next on
your reading list?_

Discover your next
great read!

* * *

Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author.

Sign up now.


Input:
 Title: Prompt for Generating a Book Contents Page

Introduction:
The following is a prompt for generating a book contents page. The text should be structured and informative, including the various parts and chapters of the book, as well as any additional sections such as the introduction, conclusion, glossary, further reading, and about the authors.

Prompt:
Write a contents page for a nonfiction book called "The Ethical Slut". The book should be divided into four main parts, with several chapters within each part. Include a table of contents, a slut's glossary, further reading, about the authors, and an index. The chapter titles should reflect the themes of polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and building a culture of consent.

Example:

Title: Prompt for Generating a Book Contents Page

Introduction:
Write a contents page for a nonfiction book called "The Ethical Slut". The book should be structured as follows:

1. A cover page
2. A title page
3. A copyright page
4. A table of contents
5. Four main parts, each with several chapters
6. A conclusion
7. A slut's glossary
8. Further reading
9. About the authors
10. An index

Chapter titles should reflect the themes of polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and building a culture of consent.

Prompt:
## Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Contents
  5. Part One: Welcome
    1. 1: Who Is an Ethical Slut?
    2. 2: Myths and Realities
    3. 3: Our Beliefs
    4. 4: Slut Styles
    5. 5: Battling Sex Negativity
    6. 6: Building a Culture of Consent
    7. 7: Infinite Possibilities
  6. Part Two: The Practice of Sluthood
    1. 8: Abundance
    2. 9: Slut Skills
    3. 10: Boundaries
    4. 11: The Unethical Slut
    5. 12: Flirting and Cruising
    6. 13: Keeping Sex Safe
    7. 14: Childrearing
  7. Part Three: Navigating Challenges
    1. 15: Roadmaps through Jealousy
    2. 16: Embracing Conflict
    3. 17: Making Agreements
    4. 18: Opening an Existing Relationship
  8. Part Four: Sluts in Love
    1. 19: Making Connection
    2. 20: Couples and Groups
    3. 21: The Single Slut
    4. 22: The Ebb and Flow of Relationships
    5. 23: Sex and Pleasure
    6. 24: Public Sex, Group Sex, and Orgies
  9. Conclusion: A Slut Utopia
  10. A Slut's Glossary
  11. Further Reading
  12. About the Authors
  13. Index

[Note: The Roman numeral page numbers after the table of contents are not included in the prompt, as they would be automatically generated by the publishing software.]

Response:
## Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Contents
  5. Part One: Welcome
    1. 1: Who Is an Ethical Slut?
    2. 2: Myths and Realities
    3. 3: Our Beliefs
    4. 4: Slut Styles
    5. 5: Battling Sex Negativity
    6. 6: Building a Culture of Consent
    7. 7: Infinite Possibilities
  6. Part Two: The Practice of Sluthood
    1. 8: Abundance
    2. 9: Slut Skills
    3. 10: Boundaries
    4. 11: The Unethical Slut
    5. 12: Flirting and Cruising
    6. 13: Keeping Sex Safe
    7. 14: Childrearing
  7. Part Three: Navigating Challenges
    1. 15: Roadmaps through Jealousy
    2. 16: Embracing Conflict
    3. 17: Making Agreements
    4. 18: Opening an Existing Relationship
  8. Part Four: Sluts in Love
    1. 19: Making Connection
    2. 20: Couples and Groups
    3. 21: The Single Slut
    4. 22: The Ebb and Flow of Relationships
    5. 23: Sex and Pleasure
    6. 24: Public Sex, Group Sex, and Orgies
  9. Conclusion: A Slut Utopia
  10. A Slut's Glossary
  11. Further Reading
  12. About the Authors
  13. Index

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  1. Cover
  2. Cover
  3. Title Page
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Start


Input:
1. Q: Who are the authors of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
2. Q: Who is the author of the first blurb praising the book?
A: Chris Donaghue, PhD, CST
3. Q: What is the profession of Chris Donaghue?
A: Chris Donaghue is a sex therapist and cohost of the Loveline podcast.
4. Q: What is the second book mentioned by Chris Donaghue in his blurb?
A: "Sex Outside the Lines"
5. Q: Who is the author of the second blurb praising the book?
A: David Henry Sterry
6. Q: How does David Henry Sterry identify in terms of the book's subject matter?
A: David Henry Sterry identifies as an "ethical slut" himself.
7. Q: Who is the author of the third blurb praising the book?
A: Annie Sprinkle, PhD
8. Q: What is Annie Sprinkle's profession?
A: Annie Sprinkle is a sexologist.
9. Q: What is the book mentioned by Annie Sprinkle in her blurb?
A: "Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex"
10. Q: Who is the author of the fourth blurb praising the book?
A: David Crosby
11. Q: What is David Crosby's profession?
A: David Crosby is a musician.
12. Q: What is the book mentioned by David Crosby in his blurb?
A: "Since Then"
13. Q: Who is the author of the fifth blurb praising the book?
A: Margaret Cho
14. Q: What is Margaret Cho's profession?
A: Margaret Cho is a comedian.
15. Q: What is the book mentioned by Margaret Cho in her blurb?
A: "I'm the One That I Want"
16. Q: Who is the author of the sixth blurb praising the book?
A: Barbara Carrellas
17. Q: What is the profession of Barbara Carrellas?
A: Barbara Carrellas is an author.
18. Q: What is the book mentioned by Barbara Carrellas in her blurb?
A: "Urban Tantra"
19. Q: Who is the author of the seventh blurb praising the book?
A: Dorothy Allison
20. Q: What is the profession of Dorothy Allison?
A: Dorothy Allison is an author.
21. Q: What is the book mentioned by Dorothy Allison in her blurb?
A: "Bastard Out of Carolina"
22. Q: What is the main theme of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: The main theme of the book is exploring ethical non-monogamy and how to navigate and maintain relationships that are outside of traditional monogamous norms.
23. Q: What is the intended audience of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: The intended audience of the book is anyone interested in exploring non-monogamy or who is already practicing it and wants to learn more about how to navigate it ethically and with integrity.
24. Q: What is the main takeaway from the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: The main takeaway from the book is that non-monogamy can be a fulfilling and ethical choice for some people, as long as it is practiced with honesty, communication, and respect for all parties involved.

Response:
MORE PRAISE FOR _THE ETHICAL SLUT_

" _The Ethical Slut_ was the very book that freed my own sexuality, and also led me down the path of becoming a sex therapist. It's rare to find a book with the capacity to both expand your sexual intelligence and also raise your sexual confidence. We need more brilliant authors like Hardy and Easton and this liberating book."

—CHRIS DONAGHUE, PhD, CST, author of _Sex Outside the Lines_ and cohost of the _Loveline_ podcast

"As an ethical slut myself, I was overjoyed to devour this new updated sexually diverse and eye-opening pie. Sluts unite ethically!"

—David Henry Sterry, best-selling author of _Chicken: Self-portrait of a Young Man for Rent_

PRAISE FOR THE SECOND EDITION

" _The Ethical Slut_ is one of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It's chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity. An absolute masterpiece and a must-read!"

—ANNIE SPRINKLE, PhD, sexologist and author of _Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex_

"Many people wish for and dream of a wider world sexually and live out their lives unable to find the courage to explore. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and loving look at that exploration."

—DAVID CROSBY, musician and author of _Since Then_

"This book is the definitive guide to having your marriage and eating other people too. _The Ethical Slut_ made me the ethical slut I am today, and I am so proud!"

—MARGARET CHO, comedian and author of _I'm the One That I Want_

" _The Ethical Slut_ , in this new and expanded edition, is the definitive guide for creating and sustaining all conscious relationships—polyamorous, open, alternative, and monogamous. Don't enter into another relationship without it!"

—BARBARA CARRELLAS, author of _Urban Tantra_

"Dossie and Janet's blend of good humor and forthright honesty makes for some of the best writing I have found on sexually complicated relationships and blended family options. Engaging, disarming, forthright—this is the book for those of us still brave enough to make the ethically complex choices."

—DOROTHY ALLISON, author of _Bastard Out of Carolina_


Input:
 1. Q: Who is the copyright holder of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
2. Q: When was the copyright for the book "The Ethical Slut" obtained?
A: The copyright for the book "The Ethical Slut" was obtained in 2017.
3. Q: What rights are reserved for the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: All rights are reserved for the book "The Ethical Slut".
4. Q: Who is the publisher of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: Ten Speed Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
5. Q: Where is the publisher of the book "The Ethical Slut" based?
A: The publisher of the book "The Ethical Slut" is based in the United States.
6. Q: What are the website URLs for the publisher of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: The website URLs for the publisher of the book "The Ethical Slut" are www.crownpublishing.com and www.tenspeed.com.
7. Q: What is the registered trademark of the publisher of the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: Ten Speed Press and the Ten Speed Press colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
8. Q: Is there Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available for the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: Yes, Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file with the publisher for the book "The Ethical Slut".
9. Q: What is the Trade Paper ISBN for the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: 9780399579660
10. Q: What is the Ebook ISBN for the book "The Ethical Slut"?
A: 9780399579677

Response:
Copyright © 2017 by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ten Speed Press,

an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

www.crownpublishing.com

www.tenspeed.com

Ten Speed Press and the Ten Speed Press colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file with the publisher.

Trade Paper ISBN 9780399579660

Ebook ISBN 9780399579677

v4.1

a


Input:
 1. Q: What is the title of the book?
A: The Ethical Slut
2. Q: What are the parts of the book?
A: The book is divided into four parts: PART ONE: WELCOME, PART TWO: THE PRACTICE OF SLUTHOOD, PART THREE: NAVIGATING CHALLENGES, and PART FOUR: SLUTS IN LOVE.
3. Q: What are the chapter titles in PART ONE: WELCOME?
A: The chapter titles in PART ONE: WELCOME are 1: Who Is an Ethical Slut?, 2: Myths and Realities, 3: Our Beliefs, 4: Slut Styles, 5: Battling Sex Negativity, 6: Building a Culture of Consent, and 7: Infinite Possibilities.
4. Q: What are the chapter titles in PART TWO: THE PRACTICE OF SLUTHOOD?
A: The chapter titles in PART TWO: THE PRACTICE OF SLUTHOOD are 8: Abundance, 9: Slut Skills, 10: Boundaries, 11: The Unethical Slut, 12: Flirting and Cruising, 13: Keeping Sex Safe, and 14: Childrearing.
5. Q: What are the chapter titles in PART THREE: NAVIGATING CHALLENGES?
A: The chapter titles in PART THREE: NAVIGATING CHALLENGES are 15: Roadmaps through Jealousy, 16: Embracing Conflict, 17: Making Agreements, and 18: Opening an Existing Relationship.
6. Q: What are the chapter titles in PART FOUR: SLUTS IN LOVE?
A: The chapter titles in PART FOUR: SLUTS IN LOVE are 19: Making Connection, 20: Couples and Groups, 21: The Single Slut, 22: The Ebb and Flow of Relationships, 23: Sex and Pleasure, and 24: Public Sex, Group Sex, and Orgies.
7. Q: What is the title of the conclusion?
A: The title of the conclusion is A SLUT UTOPIA.
8. Q: What is the title of the glossary?
A: A SLUT'S GLOSSARY.
9. Q: What are some of the exercises in the book?
A: Some of the exercises in the book are Exercises, Sluts We Know and Love, Some Affirmations to Try, Practice Makes Perfect, How Do You Experience Jealousy?, Reassurance, Fifteen Ways to Be Kind to Yourself, Treasures, Feelings Dyad, Eight Steps to Win-Win Conflict Resolution, What Is Anger Good For?, Hierarchy of Hard, The Twenty-Minute Fight, The Airport Game, A Healthy Breakup, The Process-Free Date, and A Hot Date with Yourself.
10. Q: What is the title of the section that lists various activities to do?
A: Yes, No, Maybe.
11. Q: What are some additional activities to do with the "Yes, No, Maybe" list?
A: Some additional activities to do with the "Yes, No, Maybe" list are More Fun with Your "Yes, No, Maybe" List and Get Loud.

Response:
# Contents

PART ONE: WELCOME

1: Who Is an Ethical Slut?

2: Myths and Realities

3: Our Beliefs

4: Slut Styles

5: Battling Sex Negativity

6: Building a Culture of Consent

7: Infinite Possibilities

PART TWO: THE PRACTICE OF SLUTHOOD

8: Abundance

9: Slut Skills

10: Boundaries

11: The Unethical Slut

12: Flirting and Cruising

13: Keeping Sex Safe

14: Childrearing

PART THREE: NAVIGATING CHALLENGES

15: Roadmaps through Jealousy

16: Embracing Conflict

17: Making Agreements

18: Opening an Existing Relationship

PART FOUR: SLUTS IN LOVE

19: Making Connection

20: Couples and Groups

21: The Single Slut

22: The Ebb and Flow of Relationships

23: Sex and Pleasure

24: Public Sex, Group Sex, and Orgies

CONCLUSION: A SLUT UTOPIA

A SLUT'S GLOSSARY

FURTHER READING

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

INDEX

Exercises

Sluts We Know and Love

Some Affirmations to Try

Practice Makes Perfect

How Do You Experience Jealousy?

Reassurance

Fifteen Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

Treasures

Feelings Dyad

Eight Steps to Win-Win Conflict Resolution

What Is Anger Good For?

Hierarchy of Hard

The Twenty-Minute Fight

The Airport Game

A Healthy Breakup

The Process-Free Date

A Hot Date with Yourself

Yes, No, Maybe

More Fun with Your "Yes, No, Maybe" List

Get Loud


Input:
  1. Q: What is the title of the chapter?
A: The title of the chapter is 'WHO IS AN ETHICAL SLUT?'.
2. Q: What is the main idea of the chapter?
A: The chapter introduces the concept of an ethical slut and explains why the authors chose this title. It also discusses the authors' beliefs about sexuality, including their view that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good that can strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, open spiritual awareness, and even change the world.
3. Q: What are some of the authors' beliefs about sexuality?
A: The authors believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good, activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, open spiritual awareness, and change the world. They also believe that every consensual intimate relationship has these potentials and that any erotic pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities.
4. Q: What is the authors' view on monogamy?
A: The authors do not believe that monogamy is the only legitimate form of relationship. They believe that every person should be free to choose the type of relationship that works best for them, whether that is monogamy, polyamory, or something else entirely.
5. Q: What is the authors' view on generosity and sexuality?
A: The authors believe that sluts share their sexuality the way philanthropists share their money: because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, and because sharing makes the world a better place. They also believe that the more love and sex they give away, the more they have: a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and generosity go hand in hand to provide more for everybody.
6. Q: What is the authors' view on sexual abundance?
A: The authors believe that sexual abundance is a legitimate and desirable goal. They imagine living in a world where people have an abundance of love and sex and friendship, and where they are free to follow their desires and see where they take them.
7. Q: What is the authors' view on the reclaiming of the word 'slut'?
A: The authors believe that the word 'slut' has been used as a highly offensive term to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. They also note that the analogous words 'stud' or 'player' used to describe a highly sexual man are often terms of approval and envy. The authors are proud to reclaim the word 'slut' as a term of approval, even endearment, and define a slut as a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.
8. Q: What is the authors' view on sexual orientation?
A: The authors believe that sexual orientation is not a fixed or binary concept, and that people may be heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, or bisexual, or they may identify as something else entirely. They also believe that every consensual intimate relationship has the potential to be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities, regardless of the sexual orientation of the people involved.
9. Q: What is the authors' view on sexual adventure and being an adventurer?
A: The authors see themselves as people who are committed to finding a place of sanity with sex and relationships, and to freeing themselves to enjoy sex and sexual love in as many ways as may fit for each of them. They value sex for the pleasure it brings them and the good times they get to share with however many wonderful people. They also love adventure and the challenge of maintaining stable work and home lives while discovering new people and ideas.
10. Q: What is the authors' view on the programming about love, intimacy, and sex?
A: The authors believe that the programming about love, intimacy, and sex can be rewritten. When people begin to question all the ways they have been told they ought to be, they can begin to edit and rewrite their old tapes. By breaking the rules, they both free and empower themselves.

Response:
# 1

# WHO IS AN ETHICAL SLUT?

Many people dream of having an abundance of love and **sex** and friendship. Some believe that such a life is impossible and settle for less than they want, feeling always a little lonely, a little frustrated. Others try to achieve their dream but are thwarted by outside social pressures or by their own emotions, and decide that such dreams must stay in the realm of fantasy. A few, though, persist and discover that being openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not only possible but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined.

People have been succeeding at free love for many centuries—often quietly, without much fanfare. In this book, we will share the techniques, the skills, and the ideals that have made it work for them.

So who is an ethical **slut**? We are. Many, many others are. Maybe you are too. If you dream of freedom, if you dream of intimacy both hot and profound, if you dream of an abundance of friends and flirtation and affection, of following your desires and seeing where they take you, then you've already taken the first step.

Why We Chose This Title

From the moment you saw or heard about this book, you probably guessed that some of the terms may not have the meanings you're accustomed to.

What kind of people would revel in calling themselves sluts? And why would they insist on being recognized for their ethics?

In most of the world, _slut_ is a highly offensive term used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It's interesting to note that the analogous words _stud_ or _player_ , used to describe a highly sexual man, are often terms of approval and envy. If you ask about a man's morals, you will probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you ask about a woman's morals, you are more likely to hear about whom she shares sex with and under what conditions. We have a problem with this.

So we are proud to **reclaim** the word _slut_ as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any **gender** who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Sluts may choose to have no sex at all or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, **asexual** , or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.

As proud sluts, we believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good, activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, open spiritual awareness, even change the world. Furthermore, we believe that every consensual intimate relationship has these potentials and that any erotic pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities.

Sluts share their sexuality the way philanthropists share their money: because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place. Sluts often find that the more love and sex they give away, the more they have: a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and generosity go hand in hand to provide more for everybody. Imagine living in sexual abundance!

About You

Maybe you dream of maintaining several long-term sexual and intimate relationships. Maybe your dream is of a lot of friendships that may or may not include sex. Maybe the idea of genital sex holds no interest for you but you still want to form a warm, loving partnership…or two or three. Maybe you want monogamy but a kind of monogamy that you and your partner have created according to your own desires and not the blueprint handed down by the greater culture. Maybe you want to be single, connecting where and how you want without changing your fundamental independence. Maybe you want to be part of a couple that occasionally shares a bed with a mutually desirable third party or that takes a planned night away from monogamy every now and then. Maybe you dream of three-way or four-way or orgiastic connections. Maybe you cherish solitude and want to find ways to get your needs met all by yourself with the occasional help of a friend or lover.

Or maybe you want to explore different paths, to try a few things to see how they feel, to see how many kinds of relating you can fit into your busy and interesting life.

All these possibilities and a hundred more are legitimate ways of being an ethical slut. As you read this book, you'll find that some of our ideas will be good fits for the way you want to live and others will not. Take what you want and leave the rest. As long as you and the people you care about are consenting, growing, and taking good care of yourselves and the people around you, you're doing ethical sluthood right, so don't let someone else's opinions—including ours—tell you otherwise.

About Us

Between us, we represent a fairly large slice of the pie that is sexual diversity.

Dossie is a therapist in private practice in San Francisco, specializing in alternative sexualities, nontraditional relationships, and therapy for trauma survivors. She has identified as **queer** for more than thirty years, informed by the women's and the gay men's communities and by her years of bisexuality before that. She committed to an open sexual lifestyle in 1969 when her daughter was a newborn and taught her first workshop on unlearning jealousy in 1973. She has spent about half of her adult life living single, sort of, with families of housemates, lovers, and other intimates. She makes her home in the mountains north of San Francisco.

Many of you may remember Janet from the first edition of this book as Catherine A. Liszt, a pen name she used back when her sons were still minors. Now that they're grown and independent, she has gone back to using her real name. Janet lived as a teenaged slut in college but then essayed traditional monogamy in a heterosexual marriage for more than a decade. Since the end of that marriage, she has not considered monogamy an option for her. While most people would call her bisexual, she thinks of herself as gender-bent and can't quite figure out how sexual **orientation** is supposed to work when you're sometimes male and sometimes female. She's married to a bio-guy whose gender is as flexible as hers, which is less complicated than it sounds. She makes her living as a writer, publisher, and teacher, and lives in Eugene, Oregon.

Together, we have been lovers, dear friends, coauthors, and coconspirators for a quarter century, in and out of various other relationships, homes, and projects. We are both parents of grown children, both active in the **BDSM** / **leather** / **kink** communities, and both creative writers. We think we're a great example of what can happen if you don't try to force all your relationships into the monogamous 'til-death-do-us-part model.

Sexual Adventurers

The world generally views sluts as debased, degraded, promiscuous, indiscriminate, jaded, immoral adventurers—destructive, out of control, and driven by some form of psychopathology that prevents them from entering into a healthy monogamous relationship.

Oh, yes—and definitely not ethical.

We see ourselves as people who are committed to finding a place of sanity with sex and relationships, and to freeing ourselves to enjoy sex and sexual love in as many ways as may fit for each of us. We may not always know what fits without trying it on, so we tend to be curious and adventurous. When we see someone who intrigues us, we like to feel free to respond, and, as we explore our response, to discover whatever is special about this new, fascinating person. We like relating to different kinds of people and reveling in how our differences expand our horizons and offer us new ways to be ourselves.

Sluts are not necessarily sexual athletes—although many of us do train more than most. Most of us value sex, not as a way to set records but for the pleasure it brings us and the good times we get to share with however many wonderful people.

We love adventure. The word _adventurer_ is sometimes used pejoratively, suggesting that the adventurous person is immature or inauthentic, not really willing to "grow up" and "settle down" into a presumably monogamous lifestyle. We wonder: What's wrong with having adventures? Can't we have adventures and still raise children, buy houses, and do the work that's important to us? Of course we can; sluts qualify for mortgages just like everybody else. We tend to like our lives complicated, and the challenge of maintaining stable work and home lives while discovering new people and ideas is just what we need to keep us interested and engaged.

"We hate boredom. We are people who are greedy to experience all that life has to offer and are also generous in sharing what we have to offer."

One of the most valuable things we learn from open sexual lifestyles is that our programming about love, intimacy, and sex can be rewritten. When we begin to question all the ways we have been told we ought to be, we can begin to edit and rewrite our old tapes. By breaking the rules, we both free and empower ourselves.

We hate boredom. We are people who are greedy to experience all that life has to offer and are also generous in sharing what we have to offer. We love to be the good time had by all.

What's New in This Edition

In the eight years since the previous edition of _The Ethical Slut_ was published, **polyamory** has become hugely more visible, which means that a very wide variety of people of all races, genders, orientations, and backgrounds are becoming interested in exploring the possibilities of relationships beyond culturally compelled monogamy. In this edition, we have done our best to speak to as wide a range of potential readers as we can. Hence, you'll find that we've given more attention to people of color, asexual and aromantic people, people in their teens and early twenties, people of nonbinary gender, and other groups that too often receive short shrift from **sex-positive** communities.

A long-overdue conversation about the nature and nuance of sexual consent has also moved into the forefront of the cultural dialogue. We've included a new chapter on this important topic. And, just for fun, we've also added some short histories of the people and ideas that have helped make alternative sexuality what it is today.

The Language in This Book

When you sit down to write a book about sex, as we hope you one day will, you will discover that centuries of censorship have left us with very little adequate language with which to discuss the joys and occasional worries of sex. The language that we do have often carries implicit judgments: If the only polite way to talk about sexuality is in medical Latin— _vulvas_ and _pudendas_ , _penes_ and _testes_ —are only doctors allowed to talk about sex? Is sex all about disease? Meanwhile, most of the originally English words— _cock_ and _cunt_ , _fucking_ , and, oh yes, _slut_ —often have a hostile or coarse feel to them and are used as insults to degrade people and their sexuality. Euphemisms— _peepees_ and _pussies_ , _jade gates_ and _mighty towers_ —sound as if we are embarrassed. Maybe we are.

Our approach to a sex-positive language is to reclaim the original English words and, by using them as positive descriptors, wash them clean. Hence our adoption of the word _slut_ (which we are proud to say has infiltrated the language in the form of **slut walks** and the rejection of **slut-shaming** ). You will also find in this book words like **fuck** and cock and cunt used, not as insults, but to mean what they actually mean.

We are writing this book from a sex-positive position, in the belief that we are working for a healthier and happier and _safer_ world. We are aware, also, that for many people, sex has not been a positive thing in their lives, whether from cultural or religious shaming or from exposure to sexual violence, and sometimes because for them genital sex is not what they want.

Our fondest utopian visions are that when sex and love and intimacy are truly free, and seen as positive forces in our lives and in the world, we will be much more able to solve the problems of rape, sexual bullying, shaming, and repression. Indeed, we hope this book contributes to a world where you won't settle for anything less than love and freedom in your sex life.

Cultural blind spots can show up as **centrisms** : couple-centrism, heterocentrism, eurocentrism. Nonmonogamy, extramarital sex, and **open relationships** all define themselves by what they _aren't_ , thus implying that they're some exception to the "normal" relationships that "normal" people have.

_Polyamory_ was coined in 1992 and is currently, we are thrilled to report, included in the _Oxford English Dictionary_. Formed from Latin and Greek roots that translate as "loving many," this word has been adopted by many sluts to describe their lifestyles. It is often abbreviated as _poly_ , as in "I am a poly person." Some use it to mean multiple committed live-in relationships, forms of group marriage; others use it as an umbrella word to cover all forms of sex and love and domesticity outside conventional monogamy. The word _polyamory_ has moved into the language so rapidly that we think maybe the language has been waiting for it for a very long time.

In this new world of sex and relationships, new terms get coined all the time to describe, or attempt to describe, the ever-changing spectrum of ways in which people arrange their lives. If, as you're reading, you encounter a term you don't understand, please check the Glossary in the back of the book, where we've defined many of these terms for you. The first usage of each Glossary term is marked **like this**.

People often ask us why we talk so much about sex. We see sex as the elephant in the room: huge, taking up lots of space, and too seldom included in the discourse about relationships. In this book we will talk about many kinds of love and we'll also talk about sexual expression of all of them.

Finally, we are doing our best to make the language in this book as **pansexual** and gender-neutral as we can: this book is for everybody. In previous editions, we switched back and forth between "he" and "she" pronouns, but in this edition, with the newly increased visibility of nonbinary lifestyles and genders, we will use the gender-neutral pronouns **they** , **them** , and **their** whenever possible. _Pansexual_ means including everyone as a sexual being: straight, bi, lesbian, gay, asexual, nonbinary, **trans** , queer, old, young, disabled, pervert, male, female, questioning, transitioning. The examples and quotations in this book have been drawn from throughout the huge array of lifestyles we have encountered in our combined eight decades of sluthood: there are infinite "right" ways to be sexual, and we want to affirm all of them.

Poly Pioneers: Alfred Kinsey and the Kinsey Institute

Throughout this book, we'll suggest that consensual behaviors like nonmarital sex, masturbation, homosexuality, and BDSM, still considered "sinful" and "perverted" by some, can in fact be life-enhancing and quite unexceptional ways to conduct an ethically slutty lifestyle. And if you're not shocked to read that, you can thank Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues.

Kinsey, an Eagle Scout raised in a repressively patriarchal household, rebelled by studying insect biology rather than pursuing the engineering career dictated by his hyperreligious and autocratic father. Before he'd written a word about human sex, he was considered one of the world's leading experts on the gall wasp, and had written two well-received monographs on the topic as well as several other texts on biology and nature.

Kinsey's investigation into American sexual practices began when he was asked to team-teach a class on human sexuality at Indiana University. His interest was piqued when he found himself unable to answer student questions: scientific research on how people actually had sex simply didn't exist. At about this time, the socially maladroit Kinsey began a more personal experiment: he met, fell in love with, and married the bright and tomboyish Clara McMillan ("Mac"), a graduate student in chemistry. Both Prok (a lifelong nickname, granted by his students, short for "Professor K") and Mac were virgins at the time of their marriage, as many young couples were at the time; their difficulties in overcoming this inexperience were an additional spur to Kinsey's determination to learn more about sex.

The completist spirit that had spurred Kinsey to collect tens of thousands of gall wasp specimens led him to spearhead an epic project: interviewing thousands of Americans of all genders, races, and classes about their sexual experiences and attitudes. He found enough sponsorship money that he was able to hire and train colleagues, who would go on to be respected sex researchers in their own right, to assist in this enormous task.

All in all, they collected more than twelve thousand enormously detailed sex histories, eight thousand from interviews by Kinsey himself. Kinsey reached out to people in lifestyles that are rarely public: minority communities, churches, small town PTAs, and many more. He campaigned for one 100 percent participation in many of these communities, to be certain that he wasn't leaving out people who might be too shy or embarrassed to volunteer. Kinsey's research and his conclusions are still well regarded even though statistical techniques are much more sophisticated today. All subsequent research owes a huge debt to the work of Kinsey and his team.

This cadre of researchers and their partners would be considered, in today's terminology, a **_polycule_** or constellation. When sex is discussed openly, people typically feel much freer to act on their desires—so, unsurprisingly, both Prok and Mac were sexually involved with several of the researchers, who in turn had sex with one another's spouses. Whatever difficulties were encountered in this arrangement—and there were several—seem to have had at least as much to do with the problem of being sexual with coworkers as they did with sexual jealousy. Kinsey's frequently insensitive personal style was undoubtedly a factor as well. In spite of such small flare-ups, the Kinseyites remained colleagues and occasional lovers until Kinsey's death in 1956, and members of the original crew continued at the helm of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction until 1982.

Even today, more than half a century after Kinsey's death, he is a controversial figure. His books _Sexual Behavior in the Human Male_ (1948) and _Sexual Behavior in the Human Female_ (1953) sold hundreds of thousands of copies and created shock waves throughout the world when his collected interviews and statistics revealed the frequency of sexual activities like masturbation, extramarital sex, and same-sex connections in both men and women.

However, this important work fell subject to the Communist witch hunts of the 1950s, which cost him his funding and his health. Still today, those who oppose our contemporary sexual freedoms cite Kinsey's bisexuality, nonmonogamy, kink interests, and nonjudgmentalism about his interview subjects as reasons to discount his groundbreaking research.

However, the genie of sexual knowledge cannot be easily crammed back into its bottle: today's liberated sexual mores, including the acceptance of sex before or outside marriage, homosexuality and bisexuality, BDSM, and, yes, poly, owe their existence to Dr. Kinsey's work. Prok, Mac, and the Kinseyites are clearly among the patron saints of ethical sluthood—not just for their pioneering sex and relationship constellations, but for the work they did to bring the true variety of human sexual experience into the light.


Input:
1. What is the title of the chapter?
A: The title of the chapter is 'MYTHS AND REALITIES'.
2. What is the main idea of the chapter?
A: The chapter discusses common myths and beliefs about relationships and sexuality, and challenges them with evidence and alternative perspectives. It also encourages readers to question their own beliefs and seek their own truths on their way to slutty bliss.
3. What are some of the common myths and beliefs discussed in the chapter?
A: Some of the common myths and beliefs discussed in the chapter include the belief that long-term monogamous relationships are the only real relationships, that romantic love is the only real love, that sexual desire is a destructive force, that the only moral way to have sex is within a committed relationship, that loving someone makes it okay to control their behavior, that jealousy is inevitable and impossible to overcome, that outside involvements reduce intimacy in the primary relationship, and that love conquers all.
4. What is the authors' perspective on these myths and beliefs?
A: The authors challenge these myths and beliefs with evidence and alternative perspectives, and encourage readers to question their own beliefs and seek their own truths on their way to slutty bliss. They also provide examples and anecdotes to illustrate their points.
5. What is the authors' perspective on monogamy?
A: The authors do not believe that monogamy is the only acceptable option, and encourage readers to make conscious and informed choices about their relationships. They also challenge the belief that long-term monogamous relationships are the only real relationships, and provide examples of successful non-monogamous relationships.
6. What is the authors' perspective on romantic love?
A: The authors challenge the belief that romantic love is the only real love, and provide examples of other forms of love that can be just as meaningful and fulfilling. They also discuss the negative aspects of romantic love, such as obsession and jealousy, and provide strategies for coping with them.
7. What is the authors' perspective on sexual desire?
A: The authors challenge the belief that sexual desire is a destructive force, and provide examples of healthy and fulfilling sexual relationships. They also discuss the importance of consent and communication in sexual relationships.
8. What is the authors' perspective on jealousy?
A: The authors challenge the belief that jealousy is inevitable and impossible to overcome, and provide strategies for coping with it. They also discuss the importance of communication and empathy in managing jealousy.
9. What is the authors' perspective on love?
A: The authors challenge the belief that love conquers all, and provide examples of situations where love is not enough to overcome conflicts and challenges. They also discuss the importance of communication, negotiation, and compromise in relationships.
10. What is the authors' perspective on the next generation of sluts?
A: The authors are thrilled to anticipate the brave new world that will be created by the new generation of explorative and self-aware people. They discuss some of the issues that are important to this generation, such as consent, gender fluidity, ecosex, intersectionality, and cultural appropriation.

Response:
# 2

# MYTHS AND REALITIES

Those who set off down the path of exploring new kinds of relationships and new lifestyles often find themselves blocked by beliefs—both their own and those of others—about the way society should be, the way relationships should be, and the way people should be. These beliefs are deeply rooted and far too often unexamined.

We have all been taught that one way of relating—lifelong monogamous heterosexual marriage—is the only right way. We are told that monogamy is "normal" and "natural"; if our desires do not fit into that constraint, we are morally deficient, psychologically disturbed, and going against nature.

Many of us feel instinctively that something is wrong with this picture. But how can you dig up and examine a belief that you don't even know you hold? The ideal of lifelong monogamy as the only proper goal for relationships is so deeply buried in our culture that it's almost invisible: we operate on these beliefs without even knowing we believe them. They're under our feet all the time, the foundation for our assumptions, our values, our desires, our myths, our expectations. We don't notice them until we trip over them.

Where did these beliefs get started? Often, they evolved to meet conditions that no longer exist.

Our beliefs about traditional marriage date from agrarian cultures, where you made everything you ate or wore or used, where large extended families helped get this huge amount of work done so nobody starved, and where marriage was a working proposition. When we talk about "traditional family values," this is the family we are talking about: an extended family of grandparents and aunts and cousins, an organization structured to accomplish the work of staying alive. We see large families functioning in traditional ways in America today, often in cultures recently transplanted from other countries, or as a basic support system among economically vulnerable urban or rural populations.

Controlling sexual behavior didn't seem to be that important outside the propertied classes until the Industrial Revolution, which launched a whole new era of sex-negativity, perhaps because of the rising middle class and the limited space for children in urban cultures. Doctors and ministers in the late eighteenth century began to claim that masturbation was unhealthy and sinful, that this most innocent of sexual outlets was dangerous to society—male circumcision became commonplace in this era in an effort to discourage masturbation. Any desire for sex, even with yourself, had become a shameful secret.

But human nature will win out. We are horny creatures, and the more sexually repressive a culture becomes, the more outrageous its covert sexual thoughts and behaviors will become, as any fan of Victorian porn can attest.

In his lectures to young communists in Germany during the rise of Hitler and the Nazis, psychologist Wilhelm Reich theorized that the suppression of sexuality was essential to an authoritarian government. Without the imposition of antisexual morality, he believed, people would be free from shame and would trust their own sense of right and wrong. They would be unlikely to march to war against their wishes or to operate death camps.

The nuclear family, which consists of parents and children relatively isolated from the extended family, is a relic of the twentieth-century middle class. Children no longer work on the farm or in the family business; they are raised almost like pets. Marriage today is no longer essential for survival. Now we marry in pursuit of comfort, security, sex, intimacy, and emotional connection. The increase in divorce, so deplored by today's religious right, may simply reflect the economic reality that today most of us can afford to leave relationships in which we are not happy; no one will starve. And still modern puritans attempt to enforce the nuclear family and monogamous marriage by teaching sexual shame.

We believe that the current set of "oughta-be's," and any other set, are cultural artifacts rather than natural laws. Indeed, nature is wondrously diverse, offering us infinite possibilities. We would like to live in a culture that respects the choices made by sluts as highly as we respect the couple celebrating their fiftieth anniversary. (And, come to think of it, what makes us assume that such a couple is monogamous anyway?)

We are paving new roads across new territory. We have no culturally approved scripts for open sexual lifestyles; we need to write our own. To write your own script requires a lot of effort, and a lot of honesty, and is the kind of hard work that brings many rewards. You may find the right way for you and three years from now decide you want to live a different way—and that's fine. You write the script, you get to make the choices, and you get to change your mind, too.

"We have no culturally approved scripts for open sexual lifestyles; we need to write our own."

EXERCISE: SLUTS WE KNOW AND LOVE

Make a list of all the people you can think of who are not monogamous, including public figures; characters from TV, movies, books; and so on. How do you feel about each of them? What can you learn, positive or negative? What do they tell you about what kind of slut you do and don't want to be?

Judgments about Sluts

As you try to figure out your own path, you may encounter a lot of harsh judgments about the ways different people live. We're sure you don't need us to tell you that the world does not, for the most part, honor sluthood or think well of those of us who are sexually explorative.

You will probably find some of these judgments in your own brain, burrowed in deeper than you ever realized. We believe that they say a lot more about the culture that promotes them than they do about any actual person, including you.

"PROMISCUOUS"

This means we enjoy too many sexual partners. We've also been called "indiscriminate" in our sexuality, which we resent: we can always tell our lovers apart.

We do not believe that there is such a thing as too much sex, except perhaps on certain happy occasions when our options exceed our abilities. Nor do we believe that the ethics we are talking about have anything to do with moderation or abstinence. Kinsey once defined a "nymphomaniac" as "someone who has more sex than you" and, scientist that he was, demonstrated his point with statistics.

Is having less sex somehow more virtuous than having more? We think not. We measure the ethics of good sluts not by the number of their partners, but by the respect and care with which they treat them.

"AMORAL"

Our culture also tells us that sluts are evil, uncaring, amoral, and destructive, seeking to steal something—virtue, money, self-esteem—from their partners. In some ways, this archetype is based on the idea that sex is a commodity, a coin you trade for something else—stability, children, a wedding ring—and that any other transaction constitutes being cheated and betrayed.

We have rarely observed any Jezebels or Casanovas in our community, but perhaps it is not very satisfying for a thief to steal what is freely given. We do not worry about being robbed of our sexual value by the people we share pleasure with.

"SINFUL"

Some people base their sense of ethics on what they've learned is okay or not okay according to God or their church or their parents or their culture. They believe that being good consists of obedience to laws set down by a power greater than themselves.

Religion, we think, has a great deal to offer to many people, including the comfort of faith and the security of community. But believing that God doesn't like sex is like believing that God doesn't like you. Because of this belief, a tremendous number of people carry great shame for their own perfectly natural sexual desires and activities.

We prefer the beliefs of a woman we met, a devoted churchgoer in a fundamentalist faith. She told us that when she was about five years old, she discovered the joys of masturbation in the back seat of the family car, tucked under a warm blanket on a long trip. It felt so wonderful that she concluded that the existence of her clitoris was proof positive that God loved her.

"PATHOLOGICAL"

When psychological studies of human behavior came into vogue in the late nineteenth century, Dr. Richard von Krafft-Ebing and Dr. Sigmund Freud attempted to create more tolerance by theorizing that sluts are not bad but sick, suffering from psychopathology that is not their fault, because their neurosis derives from having their sexuality warped by their parents during their toilet training. So, they said, we should no longer burn sluts at the stake but instead send them to mental hospitals to be cured in an environment that permits no sexual expression at all.

During your authors' childhood and adolescence in the early 1960s, it was common practice to certify and incarcerate adolescents for "treatment" of the "illness" of being sexual—especially if they were gay or lesbian, gender-dysphoric and thus challenging cultural norms of gender, and/or female and in danger of damaging their market value as virgins. (Think about the cultural assumptions that underlie one insult thrown at women who like to have a lot of sex: "cheap." In other words, female sexuality is a commodity and, like all commodities, is made more valuable by its rarity—so a woman who shares sex widely is reducing her own market value.) This sort of thing still takes place more often than you might think. More recently we hear about sex addicts, avoidance of intimacy, commitment-phobia, and attachment disorders. **Pathologizing** explorative sexual behavior is far too often used as a weapon in a moral war against all sexual freedom.

The whole idea of **sex addiction** is a controversial one—many people feel that the word _addiction_ is not well suited to discussing behavioral issues like sex. However, everybody seems to agree that substituting sex for fulfillment of other needs—to allay anxiety, for instance, or bolster sagging self-esteem—represents a problem.

Only you can decide whether your sexual behaviors have become compulsive and whether you wish to change them. Some people try to validate their sexual attractiveness over and over, using sex as constant reassurance because they do not see themselves as innately attractive or lovable. Sex can feel like, and even be, the only coin valuable enough to attract attention and approval.

Some groups and therapists who subscribe to the addiction model may try to tell you that anything but the most conservative of sexual behaviors is wrong or unhealthy or a symptom of addiction or disease. We encourage you to trust your own beliefs and find yourself a supportive environment. Some twelve-step groups encourage you to define the healthy sex life you want for yourself. If your goal is monogamy, that's fine, and if your goal is to stop seeking sex in the place of friendship, or any other behavior pattern that you wish to resculpt, that's fine too. We do not believe that successfully recovering sex addicts have to be monogamous unless they want to be.

"EASY"

Is there, we wonder, some virtue in being difficult?

Myths about Sluts

One of the challenges facing the ethical slut is our culture's insistence that, simply because "everybody knows" something, it must obviously be true. We urge you to regard with great skepticism any sentence that begins "Everybody knows…" or "Common sense tells us…" Often, these phrases are signposts for cultural belief systems that may be antisexual, monogamy-centrist, and/or codependent. Questioning what "everybody knows" can be difficult and disorienting, but we have found it to be rewarding: questioning is the first step toward generating a new paradigm, your own paradigm of how you ought to be.

Cultural belief systems can be very deeply rooted in literature, law, and archetypes, which means that shaking them from your own personal ethos can be difficult. But the first step in exploring them is, of course, recognizing them. Here, then, are some of the pervasive myths that we have heard all our lives and have come to understand are most often untrue and destructive to our relationships and our lives.

MYTH #1: LONG-TERM MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE ONLY REAL RELATIONSHIPS.

Lifetime monogamy as an ideal is a relatively new concept in human history and makes us unique among primates. There is nothing that can be achieved within a long-term monogamous relationship that cannot be achieved without one. Business partnership, deep attachment, stable parenting, personal growth, and care and companionship in old age are all well within the abilities of the slut.

People who believe this myth may feel that something is wrong with them if they aren't in a committed twosome. If they prefer to remain free agents, if they discover themselves loving more than one person at a time, if they have tried one or more traditional relationships that didn't work out…instead of questioning the myth, they question themselves: Am I incomplete? Where is my other half? The myth teaches them that they are not good enough in and of themselves. Often people develop a very unrealistic view of couplehood—Mr., Ms., or Mx. Right will automatically solve all their problems, fill all the gaps, and make their lives complete.

A subset of this myth is the belief that if you're really in love, you will automatically lose all interest in others; thus, if you're having sexual or romantic feelings toward anyone but your primary partner, you're not really in love. This belief has cost many people a great deal of happiness through the centuries, yet is untrue to the point of absurdity: a ring around the finger does not cause a nerve block to the genitals.

And, we must ask, if monogamy is the only acceptable option, the only true form of love, than are these agreements genuinely consensual? If you believe that you have no other choice, we believe that you lack the agency that underlies informed consent. We have many friends who have chosen to be monogamous, and we applaud them. But how many people in our society consciously make that choice?

MYTH #2: ROMANTIC LOVE IS THE ONLY REAL LOVE.

Look at the lyrics of popular songs or read some classical poetry: the phrases we choose to describe romantic love don't really sound all that pleasant. "Crazy in love," "love hurts," "obsession," "heartbreak"…these are all descriptions of mental or physical illness.

The feeling that gets called romantic love in this culture seems to be a heady cocktail of lust and adrenaline, sparked by uncertainty, insecurity, perhaps even anger or danger. The chills up the spine that we recognize as passion are, in fact, the same physical phenomenon as hair rising up on a cat's back, caused by the fight-or-flight response.

This kind of love can be thrilling and overwhelming and sometimes a hell of a lot of fun, but it is not the only "real" kind of love, nor is it always a good basis for an ongoing relationship.

MYTH #3: SEXUAL DESIRE IS A DESTRUCTIVE FORCE.

This one goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and leads to a lot of crazy-making double standards. Some religions preach that women's sexuality is evil and dangerous and exists only to lure men to their doom. From the Victorian era, we get the idea that men are hopelessly voracious and predatory when it comes to sex, and women are supposed to control and civilize them by being pure, asexual, and withholding—men are the gas pedal and women the brakes, which is, we think, pretty hard on the engine. Neither of these ideas works for us.

Many people also believe that unashamed sexual desire, particularly desire for more than one person, inevitably destroys the family—yet we suspect that far more families have been destroyed by bitter divorces over cheating than have ever been disturbed by ethical consensual nonmonogamy.

We prefer to listen to our desires with an open mind and then make choices about how we act.

MYTH #4: THE ONLY MORAL WAY TO HAVE SEX IS WITHIN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.

An old saw has it that men agree to relationships to have sex, and women agree to sex to have relationships. Believing such nonsense leads to the idea of sex as a currency exchanged for security both financial and physical, social acceptance, and the other perks traditionally granted to people who have achieved the culturally mandated state of lifelong pair-bonding. If you believe this myth, you're likely to see sex for fun, for pleasure, for exploration—for any purpose except cementing two people together—as immoral and socially destructive.

MYTH #5: LOVING SOMEONE MAKES IT OKAY TO CONTROL THEIR BEHAVIOR.

This kind of territorial reasoning is designed, we guess, to make people feel secure, but we don't believe that anybody has the right, much less the obligation, to control the behavior of another functioning adult. Being treated according to this myth doesn't make us feel secure—it makes us feel furious. The old "Awww, she's jealous—she must really care about me" reasoning is symptomatic of a very disturbed set of personal boundaries that can lead to a great deal of unhappiness.

MYTH #6: JEALOUSY IS INEVITABLE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO OVERCOME.

Jealousy is, without a doubt, a very common experience, so much so that a person who doesn't experience jealousy is looked at as a bit odd or in denial. But often a situation that would cause intense jealousy for one person can be no big deal for another. Some people get jealous when their honey takes a sip out of someone else's Coke, while others happily watch their beloved wave bye-bye for a month of amorous sporting with a friend at the far end of the country.

Some people also believe that jealousy is such a shattering emotion that they have no choice but to succumb to it. People who believe this often believe that any form of nonmonogamy _should_ be nonconsensual and completely secret, in order to protect the "betrayed" partner from having to feel such an impossibly difficult emotion.

On the contrary, we have found that jealousy is an emotion like any other: it feels bad (sometimes very bad), but it is not intolerable. We have also found that many of the "oughta-be's" that lead to jealousy can be unlearned, and that unlearning them is often a useful, sometimes even profoundly healing, process. Later in this book, we will spend a lot more time talking about jealousy and the strategies people employ to cope with it.

MYTH #7: OUTSIDE INVOLVEMENTS REDUCE INTIMACY IN THE PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP.

Most marriage counselors, and certain popular TV psychologists, believe that when a member of an otherwise happy couple has an "affair," this must be a symptom of unresolved conflict or unfulfilled needs that should be dealt with in the primary relationship. This is occasionally true, but not nearly as often as many "relationship gurus" would like us to believe. The myth tells us that sleeping with someone else is something you do _to_ your partner, not _for_ yourself, and is the worst thing you can possibly do to your partner. This myth leaves no room for the possibility of growthful and constructive open sexual lifestyles.

It is cruel and insensitive to interpret an affair as a symptom of sickness in the relationship, as it leaves "cheated-on" partners—who may already be feeling insecure—wondering what is wrong with them. Meanwhile, "cheating" partners get told that they are only trying to get back at their primary partners and don't really want, need, or even like their lovers.

Many people have sex outside their primary relationships for reasons that have nothing to do with any inadequacy in their partner or in the relationship. The new relationship may simply be a natural extension of an emotional and/or physical attraction to someone besides the primary partner. Or perhaps this outside relationship allows a particular kind of connection that the primary partner doesn't even want (such as kinky sex or going to football games) and thus constitutes a solution for an otherwise intractable conflict. Or perhaps it meets other needs—like a need for uncomplicated physical sex without the trappings of relationship or for sex with someone of a gender other than one's partner's or for sex at a time when it is otherwise not available (during travel or a partner's illness, for example).

An outside involvement does not have to subtract in any way from the intimacy you share with your partner unless you let it. And we sincerely hope you won't.

MYTH #8: LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

Hollywood tells us that "love means never having to say you're sorry," and we, fools that we are, believe it. This myth has it that if you're really in love with someone, you never have to argue, disagree, communicate, negotiate, or do any other kind of work. It also tells us that love means we automatically get turned on by our beloved and that we never have to lift a finger or make any effort to deliberately kindle passion. Those who believe this myth may find themselves feeling that their love has failed every time they need to schedule a discussion or have a courteous (or not-so-courteous) disagreement. They may also believe that any sexual behavior that doesn't fit their criteria for "normal" sex—from fantasies to vibrators—is "artificial" and indicates that something is lacking in the quality of their love.

"We encourage you to seek your own truths on your way to slutty bliss."

Steps to a Freer Paradigm

So in this slightly disorienting world of sluthood, in which everything your mom, your minister, your spouse, and your television ever told you is probably wrong, how do you find new beliefs that support your new lifestyle? Letting go of old paradigms can leave you in a scary emptiness, your stomach churning as if you were in free fall. You don't need the old myths, but what will you have instead? We encourage you to seek your own truths on your way to slutty bliss, but just in case you could use a hint or two, the next chapter will contain some of the ones that have worked well for us.

Sluthood: The Next Generation

We are aware that some of the readers of this twentieth-anniversary edition are younger than the book they're perusing. Moreover, some of this new generation of ethical sluts are the children, or even grandchildren, of people who have been experimenting with alternative sexual and relationship styles for decades.

When we talk to folks in their teens and twenties about their sexuality and how it differs from that of previous generations, they cite some issues that we are happy to hear:

• "Consent is a language, and our generation speaks it fluently. Because we speak more openly about issues of abuse and trauma—both in our personal past and our cultural past—we're more aware of triggers and how they work (aided by recent years' improved scientific understanding of the neurophysiology of trauma). We tend to err on the side of caution, choosing to be careful about not impinging on others' triggers."

• "We're much more open to gender fluidity and experimentation with gender. Because we're not too into binary gender, there's also a lot of blurring around the idea of sexual orientation, and the old definitions are morphing into a general category of ' _queer_ ness.' "

• " _Ecosex_ is the new paradigm for many people our age: taking the Earth as our powerful lover and treating her huge energies with gentleness and respect."

• "We're more aware of issues of intersectionality, the ways that different categories of historical oppression affect one another. We see many traditional ways of approaching oppression as potentially problematic: for example, traditional feminism and traditional gay liberation may not recognize the issues of people of color. We're also much more sensitive to issues of cultural appropriation."

• "Because we're a post-AIDS generation, we've decentered penile penetration as 'real' sex and are interested in developing our skills in **_outercourse_** and other low-risk behaviors. On the other hand, we look at the generation that lived through AIDS, and it seems that their lives were deepened and made more spiritual by that awful struggle. We haven't had to deal with anything like that, and it makes us very different."

• "We look at older politicians who are trying to ban abortion, restrict birth control, and outlaw sex work, and it just doesn't make any sense to us. Our bodies are our own, and only we should get to decide what happens to our own body. We see the controlling of bodies as fundamental to capitalism and that taking the locus of control back into ourselves will help us join together to overturn patriarchy and capitalism for a more humane way of life."

• "We've grown up in a world where no consensual sexual or relationship behavior is considered 'wrong.' We've seen _kinky_ , queer, and poly families on television and in the newspapers, and we want to live in a way that empowers us to try a little bit of everything, keeping what works for now and leaving ourselves open to other options in the future."

Your authors are thrilled to anticipate the brave new world that will be created by this new generation of explorative and self-aware people.