Input:
 The prompt for the above section of the story could be:

Write a chapter titled 'Prostate Massage' that discusses what prostate massage is, the different techniques for performing prostate massage, and the safety considerations involved. Begin by defining prostate massage and its benefits, both erotic and medical. Discuss the advantages of using fingers over toys for prostate massage, such as dexterity, precision, and intimacy. Provide tips on how to apply 'deliberate' pressure and avoid 'poking' the prostate. Discuss the importance of starting slow, ramping up, and maintaining a steady rhythm during the massage. Provide tips on combining cock play with prostate massage, including how to read the recipient's body language and adjust the intensity of the massage. Discuss the different strokes that can be used during prostate massage, such as side-to-side, in-and-out, circles, come-hither, vibration, jostling, tapping, twisting, and scissors. Provide illustrations to demonstrate each stroke. Discuss the safety considerations involved in prostate massage, such as using lube, trimming nails, and taking care of the giver's body. Finally, discuss the practice of fisting, including how to do it safely, the benefits, and the potential risks involved.

Response:
**CHAPTER** **9**

**PROSTATE MASSAGE**

#  **WHAT IS PROSTATE MASSAGE?**

The term _prostate massage_ refers to the application of pressure to the prostate, with fingers or a toy, through the front wall of the rectum. It is also called "milking the prostate," since the massage often causes some prostatic fluid to be released and to run from the tip of the cock.

Because rubbing the prostate can feel like an entirely new kind of pleasure, it is often performed for purely erotic reasons. Some men say it feels like the first stage of an orgasm. This makes sense: the massage causes the prostate to swell and creates a feeling of compression, similar to what happens during ejaculation.

Prostate massage also has a long history of being performed  for medical purposes. Some believe that regular massage is beneficial to the health of your prostate. As with massage on many other parts of your body, it supports the natural processes of the organ, encourages circulation, removes any stuck fluids, and prompts the generation of new, fresh prostatic fluid. (For an in-depth discussion of the possible health benefits of prostate massage, see chapter 15.)

In this chapter, we focus on massage with fingers. Toys have their merits, but fingers have distinct advantages. Fingers are the most dexterous part of your body, so they offer an immense variety of sensation from the many different kinds of movement they can perform. You can feel the landscape in minute detail and you can touch with precision. Fingers can be added or subtracted at will, giving you many size options. And unlike toys, fingers give you a direct connection with your partners body—fingertip to pleasure zone—which can feel deeply intimate.

Although it is possible for some men to massage their own prostate, these techniques work better with a partner, so thats who well be addressing. And if you havent read chapter 7, Find It: Locating the Gland, we suggest starting there.

##  **"Deliberate" Pressure**

Many guides to prostate (and female G-spot) massage suggest that you apply "deliberate" pressure. What does that mean, exactly? It means that your fingers arent flopping around like a fish in there. Rather, you are applying steady pressure in smooth, controlled strokes. Think of the motion you use to spread jam on toast: smooth and even. Even as you move in  and out over the prostate, youre not just jabbing at random. Instead, youre maintaining contact as your finger slides across the surface and (for many techniques) keeping the level of pressure consistent across the whole surface. This is a kind of touch that many recipients will enjoy.

##  **Poking versus Stroking**

**Illustration 7. Dont Poke It—Stroke It!**

Heres a quick sensory experiment. Take your hand and place it on top of your opposite shoulder. Put two fingers together and press the fingertips into the meat of your shoulder. Now press using the pads of your fingers. Notice that even if you apply the same amount of pressure each time, the fingertips feel much more intense than the pads.

When you use the pads of your fingers, the pressure is distributed over a broader area, so the sensation feels more diffuse. In contrast, when using just the tips of your fingers, all the force is concentrated in a smaller area, creating a more intense poking sensation. To put it another way, pressure is force divided by area—for example, pounds per square inch. If the force stays the same, a greater area means less pressure.

When it comes to the prostate, poking is exactly what you dont want to do! It may have felt great on your shoulder just now, but the prostate is another matter entirely. Weve spoken with a lot of men who complained about fingertips poking and stabbing their prostate, which can feel too intense, uncomfortable, or even painful. So be careful to avoid poking during the massage. Never drive directly into the gland with a motion like ringing a doorbell. Instead, apply moderate pressure using as much of your finger pads as possible to spread the sensation out. When you hold that pressure steady as you slide across the gland, you are effectively stroking, not poking.

##  **Start Slow, Ramp Up**

In the responses to our survey questions about prostate massage techniques, two words came up over and over again: _slow_ and _gentle_. Most men can take, and enjoy, hard pressure and fast motion on the prostate during climax and during the states of high arousal leading up to it. But if you start the massage with that level of intensity, its likely to feel overwhelming.

Its easy to fall into the trap of thinking that "more is better." Many people believe that harder and faster stimulation is the best way to create more sensation, but this is not always true. Think about spicy food. More intensity isnt always better—the best flavors come when the spices are balanced. Prostate massage is similar in that respect. When your partner isnt aroused enough to take the level of intensity that you are giving, it is likely to feel like too much.

If the stimulation continues to feel unpleasant, his nerves may reject the sensations by shutting off and numbing out, and then he definitely wont feel any pleasure. That, of course, is the opposite of the desired effect—so resist the temptation to go hard and fast right away. This is particularly important if he is new to prostate massage; he may be tender at first and going too hard may hurt. But even if he has experience, starting slow will serve you well.

At the start of each new massage, a little bit goes a long way, and seemingly mild touches can create decidedly intense sensations: it is all new to the body at that moment. To maximize the novelty factor at the start of each session, do slow strokes at the beginning. Easy does it! Since each tiny stroke feels so new to him, you might be surprised at how far you can take him along the road to pleasure with slow movements and fairly light pressure. Begin by applying only as much pressure as youd use to check the ripeness of a piece of fruit.

As the energy builds, you can ramp up to higher levels of intensity in a way that works for him and will be enjoyable every step of the way. Throughout the session, build slowly  from lower to higher levels of intensity. Every few minutes, increase the pressure a bit, or go a little faster.

To avoid going too far too quickly, follow a roller coaster model: increase the intensity for a spell, then drop it down a bit, then increase a little more, drop down, and so on. Each time you bring the intensity back down, you essentially press the Reset button on his nerves. Initially, the lighter sensations wont feel like much to him because of the harder stimulation of a moment before, but soon he will adjust to the lighter sensation and start picking up on it—then you can take him back as high as you were before, and even higher. Backing off and then heightening the intensity works for many different kinds of sex.

##  **Rhythm and Variety**

Rhythm is key to making any kind of sex play feel good, and prostate massage is no exception. Keeping a steady rhythm means you repeat whatever you are doing at consistent intervals for a given period of time without change.

When strokes are not repeated in a consistent rhythm, the motion can feel erratic and less pleasant. If you are constantly switching from fast to slow speeds and varying the motion of your stroke, your partner may find it difficult to relax into the sensation because he never knows whats coming. He may be just beginning to enjoy the slow little circles you are tracing over his prostate when suddenly they are interrupted by fast in-and-out strokes that are over as quickly as they began. If this goes on, he may find it difficult to enjoy himself.

A steady, repeated rhythm makes it much easier to get into  each sensation and enjoy it thoroughly. He can relax into the stroke and savor it. After all, what is easier to see: a single shooting star, or a meteor shower? This is why massage therapists frequently repeat a motion several times before moving on. Maintaining a steady rhythm is largely a matter of muscle memory, so it gets easier with practice.

If you can, try to rely on his responses to determine when it is time for a change. When hes really diggin it, keep doing exactly what youre doing. As the authors of _Tantric Male Multiple G-spot Orgasm_ point out, theres a common pitfall: you hear him getting really excited, so in your eagerness to please him, you intensify your strokes, abandoning the rhythm that you were using. "[I]ts only natural that you want to go faster and harder when you see and hear how great what youre doing is making him feel. But then youve changed what was working."16

Of course, eventually that little thing you do, having been repeated for a while, will start to lose its pizzazz. His body will get used to the touch and it wont feel so interesting anymore, so his response may become more moderate. Your hand may start to grow tired too. This is the time to switch to something different. When you introduce variety, you have many options. Here are the basic ones, which you can mix and match to get many more possibilities:

• Stroke—Switch it up! Go from in-and-out motion to circles, or side-to-side strokes. (We describe these strokes and many others later in this chapter.)

• Pressure—Lighten the pressure to ramp the energy  down or give your fingers a break. Increase the pressure when you want to take things back up again.

• Speed—Speed up or slow down to create fresh sensations. Or do a combination: fast-fast-slow, fast-fast-slow—repeating this set to create an interesting new rhythm.

• Location—Although the gland is fairly small, the prostate has different areas you can focus on. You might rub down the right lobe for several strokes, then move to the left lobe for several more. You can focus on the middle, the deep end, the lower half, or the gutters to either side. You will find that different parts of the prostate vary in sensitivity over time. One moment, rubbing the deep end of the prostate elicits an enthusiastic "Oh, right there!" But after 10–20 strokes, the deep end might yield less sensation, and rubbing the shallow end, which felt unremarkable to him before, suddenly drives him wild.

#  **TIPS FOR COMBINING WITH COCK PLAY**

For many men, prostate massage is the icing on the cake of tried-and-true oral sex or a hand job. Combining cock play with prostate massage has the benefit of broadening and unifying the sensations felt in the genitals, so he can sense the interconnection between all the genital parts, which we usually  think of as being separate. However, for some men, simultaneous cock and prostate stimulation can be overwhelming simply because theres so much going on, especially if they are accustomed to focusing on just one part for pleasure.

If your partner is in this boat, start by alternating between cock and prostate and build slowly toward simultaneous stimulation of both. Have one hand on his cock and the fingers of the other on his prostate. As you stroke his cock, keep the fingers of your other hand inserted but hold them still. Then hold the hand on his cock still as you rub his prostate. There will be renewed excitement each time you switch (as you may notice from the moans) and you will be building the arousal of each part individually, so that eventually you can do both at once. And in the meantime, you are also getting the chance to practice each stroke on its own, so that your muscle memory will be better able to maintain these strokes smoothly when you are trying to do both in sync.

When you are ready, try both at once. This takes a certain amount of coordination and practice. It can be difficult to maintain a steady rhythm when doing two different motions to two different body parts, sort of like patting your head and rubbing your belly at the same time. But the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Its more important than ever to keep a steady rhythm now. Stimulating multiple erogenous zones at the same time can be hot, but if you do it in a sporadic, frenzied manner, it may just feel overwhelming or distracting. As you begin to move both hands at once, the thing to remember is this: rhythm is more important than speed!

Going slowly at first will make it easier for you to concentrate. Slow down as much as necessary to keep both hands moving at a steady rhythm. Dont worry if he loses his erection at this point. Reassure him that he doesnt need a hard-on for this to feel good. He will still enjoy the sensation of having his cock stroked, and chances are the erection will come back before too long.

Begin with both hands moving at the same tempo: one stroke on the prostate and one stroke on his shaft. As this becomes comfortable for him, you can increase the speed of both hands; you can also increase the tempo of one but not the other. Often the cock can take faster strokes than the prostate, so try staggering the rhythm: for example, one stroke on the prostate for every two strokes on the cock.

##  **Reading Him**

In an ideal world, youd know exactly what he wants because _hed_ know exactly what he wants and hed tell you. But often we dont know what we want, and even if we do, we dont always know how to ask for it. The best way to find out what he wants is to ask him. We recommend this as your first-line strategy. That being said, if you pay attention, you can also get a lot of information from his body language.

Is he undulating his hips rhythmically with your touch? Thats probably good—keep doing what youre doing. Is he pressing his body toward you? Also good! This probably means he is begging for more intensity.

Sometimes it is hard to tell if squirming is a good sign or a bad one. If it is rhythmic, and if he is moving closer to you, its  usually a good sign. But if the movement is jerky and sudden, and if he is moving away from your touch, it may be a sign of discomfort.

One woman we spoke with told us about a time she played with a fellow who was jerking his hips around and moaning while she worked his prostate with her fingers. From the sound of it, she thought he was having a grand time. But in fact he was practically climbing up the headboard to move away from her. She asked him later about his squirming and he said that rather than writhing in pleasure, he had been trying to adjust the position of her hand, to give her cues as to where the right spot was—because she was missing it and uncomfortably applying pressure to another area of his ass. So gather whatever information you can from his body language, but when in doubt, ask!

#  **HOW MANY FINGERS?**

Preferences vary. Some are happy with just one, others prefer several. This depends largely on how tight his ass is and how big the fingers are.

One very slender finger may slip easily into a tight anus, but by virtue of being a single slender digit, it can easily deliver a sharp, poking sensation to the prostate. This is because one finger applies pressure to a smaller surface area, so the sensation will be very concentrated.

A thicker finger might be a little more difficult to insert into that same snug bottom, but it may feel better by virtue of delivering less of a poke. If you have skinny fingers, be very  careful to use as broad a surface of your finger pad as possible and apply pressure evenly to the surface of the prostate. If the ass in question can accommodate more fingers, use more; this will broaden the sensation.

If you have shorter fingers, you may find that adding more fingers gives you more reach. Sometimes the lack of flexibility in your other fingers, which are being bent out of the way, can limit your ability to go deeper. Try this experiment: Holding your pinky and ring finger straight, bend your index finger and middle finger toward your palm. Do you feel tightness or tension in your hand? Now try it again, but just hold your pinky straight. Is that easier? What happens when you hold your index finger and pinky straight while bending your middle and ring fingers? A lot of people find that different combinations of fingers give them more movement and finesse, so see what works best for you. Also, the way you position the fingers that are not inside him will affect your reach.

If your hand starts to grow tired, change fingers to change which muscles youre working. Using different combinations of fingers also allows you to switch between techniques, so the workload is spread more equitably across your hand. If your thumb is long enough to reach the prostate, give it a try. It has more independent mobility than your fingers and allows for a number of positions that would not be comfortable for the other digits.

#  **MASSAGE STROKES**

The prostate responds pleasurably to a number of different strokes and motions. Here are several for you to try.

_**Side to Side**_

**Illustration 8. Side to Side**

Apply pressure to the prostate, holding the pressure as you slide over the surface from one side to the other and back. This stroke is sometimes called "windshield wipers."

_**In and Out**_

**Illustration 9. In and Out**

Reach your fingers in to the deep end of the prostate, apply pressure, and hold. Then drag your finger pads over the prostate from top to bottom. As you move back in, either release the pressure or maintain it, as long as you are very careful not to poke inward.

_**Circles**_

**Illustration 10. Circles**

Apply and maintain constant pressure as you slide over the surface of the gland, tracing a circle. You can trace small, localized circles so that only your fingers move, or cover the whole surface of the gland: north, east, south, and west. Be sure to try both clockwise and counterclockwise motion.

_**Come-Hither**_

**Illustration 11. Come-Hither Curl**

**Illustration 12. Come-Hither Tug**

**Illustration 13. Come-Hither Slide**

This stroke is the most evocative of the phrase "milking the prostate" because when you use this stroke, you pump the gland downward, moving the fluids in their natural direction toward the prostatic urethra. Place your fingertips on the deep end of the prostate, as far as you can reach, so that the gentle curve of your fingers nestles against the rounded top of the gland. At this point, you have a few options.

1\. Keep your hand stationary and curl your fingers as if you were gesturing "come here." Continue pressing and releasing. Since only your fingers move in this position, it is well suited for tight asses that arent up for much in-and-out motion. We call this the "Come-Hither Curl."

2\. Keep your fingers in the curled position, and move your entire hand slightly in and out, maintaining contact with the deep end of the prostate at all times and gently tugging at it with an inward, downward motion toward the cock. This is the "Come-Hither Tug."

3\. In the "Come-Hither Slide," you slide your fingers out, just as you would with the In and Out, described above, but this time, you curl your fingers and drag them down across the surface of the gland on the outstroke. Straighten your fingers on the instroke and repeat. Be sure your nails are short before doing this one!

_**Vibration**_

**Illustration 14. Vibration**

Apply pressure to the prostate and hold the pressure without any motion. Then, maintaining the pressure, use very small, very rapid motions of your hand from side to side, creating vibration. For this stroke, you barely move from the original position—it is a very localized motion. Vibration combines nicely with other strokes: for example, instead of vibrating in just one location, continue vibrating as you trace your fingertips in a circle over the whole gland. You can add vibration to any other stroke by doing both simultaneously. Or, take advantage of technology: make any stroke vibrate by holding a vibrator against the palm of your hand during penetration.

_**Jostling**_

**Illustration 15. Jostling**

Jostling is like vibration in that you are maintaining constant contact with the prostate, but instead of doing small, rapid motions, you bounce the prostate on your fingertips, jostling it.

_**Tapping**_

**Illustration 16. Tapping**

With a small, quick motion, lift your finger off the prostate and let it drop back down again, percussing the prostate as you would type on a keyboard. This is a very small motion but can create a powerful and pleasant sensation. You can do this with one finger, or several fingers held together. A variation, if you have two or more fingers inserted, is to wiggle your fingers separately, like spiders legs, so that they strike the prostate alternately.

_**Twisting**_

**Illustration 17. Twisting**

With your finger inserted, apply pressure and repeatedly rotate your hand at the wrist, so that your finger twists clockwise, then counterclockwise. This will be more compelling with two or more fingers so there is broader area on the prostate where the twisting motion can be felt.

_**Scissors**_

**Illustration 18. Scissors**

Rest two fingers on the midline of the gland, between the two lobes. Then, maintaining a constant pressure on the gland, spread your fingers apart, and with the same even pressure, close them again. You can also do this on each lobe. This stroke may be difficult if the receiver has a very tight anus. Sex educator Robert Morgan Lawrence has a handy tip for this: increase your finger strength by practicing with a rubber band!

**TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY**

As you give a prostate massage, pay attention to the needs of your body. How does your wrist feel? Your back? This goes for both partners: you can play longer if you are gentle with yourselves so that you arent putting strain on your joints or becoming sore.

To increase endurance, vary the part of your body that you use to create the motion. For example, imagine that your partner is on his hands and knees in front of you, and you are kneeling behind him. Your fingers are on his prostate (with your palm facing down, of course), and you are doing an in-and-out stroke. You can do this stroke moving only from the wrist. With your finger pads on his prostate, simply bend your wrist backward on the outstroke, so that your knuckles rise toward the ceiling, and unbend it again on the instroke. This motion gets the job done, but it puts all the work on your wrist, which will tire quickly and may even begin to feel sore and strained.

However, in this same position, you can use other muscles and other joints to create the motion and give your wrist and hand a break. Keeping your wrist and finger joints at the same angle, move in and out by swinging your whole arm very slightly forward and backward from the shoulder joint. To give your shoulder a break, keep your whole arm _and_ shoulder stationary, and simply rock your torso forward and backward.

To keep your wrists in good shape, do a few mild stretches before each session.

#  **FISTING**

_"How many fingers do you or your partner(s) like to insert for P-spot stimulation?"_

_"All of them."_

Anal fisting is the practice of inserting into the anus all five fingers and, while youre at it, the whole hand down to the wrist or deeper. You start with a couple of fingers, and if it feels good, you add a couple more. And if that still feels good, you tuck the thumb alongside them, forming the "ducks bill." And, very gradually, given a very relaxed bottom, a very patient top, and generous amounts of lube, the whole hand can slide in down to the wrist.

**Illustration 19. The Ducks Bill: Hand Position for Fisting Penetration**

A hand is often larger than the average butt toy (but not all!), so fisting is generally the domain of more experienced players. With increased size comes a greater risk of injury, so a significant amount of care and skill is required.

Some people find the idea of fisting alarming. This is likely due to the intimidating size of a fist. Since many people already have the expectation that being penetrated will hurt, the idea of being penetrated with something of considerable size makes it seem that much scarier. In addition, it doesnt help that the term _fisting_ has as its root the word _fist_ , which brings up violent associations such as punching someone. The word also suggests that you insert the whole closed fist into the anus all at once.

Of course thats an alarming image. Its also not how most people do fisting. As described above, its preferably done slowly and gently, with a gradual transition from fewer to more fingers. You only close your fingers into a fist, if desired, once you are fully inside. Most fisters keep their fingers extended.

As long as entry isnt forced, anal fisting can be done more or less safely. In fact, doctors occasionally insert a whole hand into a patients rectum for a medical procedure after dilation. Fisting is really just finger penetration that goes deeper.

It needs to be acknowledged that for some people, the "extreme" image of fisting is part of the turn-on. Recipients may enjoy the rush of pushing their limits to see how far they can go, how much they can take. The psychological thrill of doing something intense or taboo may be an enhancer for the physical sensation: "Oh my god—your whole hand is inside me!"

But for many people who get into fisting, it can be just like any other kind of sex play. It can be sensual and loving. Because of the vulnerability of opening yourself up in this way, it can inspire deep feelings of trust between partners. And because it can take a great deal of time and relaxation to open enough to accommodate your partners hand, it can feel meditative and even ritualistic.

Also, if you take your time and build to the point where you can open to all the sensations that are coming your way, fisting can be quite a field day for the nerves of the anus, rectum, and prostate! Fisting can be incredibly stimulating to the prostate: when you have your whole ass filled up, there is more pressure in every direction, so it is much easier to apply pressure to the extra-sensitive places.

##  **Fisting and Safety**

While many people are able to do fisting relatively safely, it is important to acknowledge the risk involved. If youre new to fisting and are interested in exploring this erotic avenue, we highly recommend doing further research to be sure that you are doing it safely. Were covering the basics to give you a starting point, but you should know that theres a lot more to be said on the topic. See the Resources for some useful guides.

When it comes to fisting, many people have the ambition but lack the physical ability. Wed like to reiterate the importance of listening to your body. You could seriously hurt yourself if you arent careful. If you choose to use alcohol or other substances while being fisted, make absolutely sure that you  are sober enough to feel any pain that might arise and you are able to stop doing whatever is causing it.

When you penetrate someone with a very large object—or do any penetration roughly and carelessly—it is possible to perforate the rectum, which means a trip to the emergency room. Its probably not a problem if you notice a small amount of faintly pinkish tinge to the lube when you wipe up after fisting—this can occasionally happen during anal penetration. However, if the fistee is actually bleeding red blood during or after being fisted, they should go to the hospital. Also, if they have a fever on the following day, they should seek immediate medical attention, as this may be a sign of perforated colon.

_**"Before anyone starts I need to have a trust/comfort/feeling that the person who will fist me will look out for my well-being and be caring. […] I have had more failures than successes, where after 3–4 fingers I know this is not going to work, and once my comfort is gone then its just not going to happen."**_

An enema is highly recommended before fisting. Fecal matter can be abrasive and make penetration by such a large object uncomfortable. (See chapter 4, Hygiene, for enema tips.) Also, be extra generous with lube! Lubricants that are popular for fisting include vegetable shortening and J-lube. (See chapter 11, Toys, for more information on lube.)

Before you begin, the fister should remove any rings and make sure that their fingernails are filed short and smooth. Gloves are a good idea, not only to protect the hand and any small cuts on the hand from body fluids, but also to smooth out the hand and minimize discomfort for the fistee. Make  sure the gloves fit snugly—bunchy gloves wont feel nearly so nice!

Most disposable gloves are not very long, but the prostate isnt very deep, so you can usually get by with these. In most cases, they are just long enough to cover the whole hand and wrist. However, its possible for lube to drip from the glove onto your wrist, depending on your position. This is unlikely to be a problem as long as the skin is unbroken. Just be sure to wash the area thoroughly with soap and water afterward to keep things clean.

If the prostate is only a stop on the way and you plan to explore deeper penetration, consider getting longer gloves. There are a number of options for this, though they tend to be more expensive than your average-size disposable gloves. Consult online medical and dental suppliers to find extra-long disposable gloves (12 inches instead of the usual 9 inches).

A number of online BDSM toy retailers carry latex or rubber gloves that are elbow length or longer, including some that fit over the whole hand, binding the fingers snugly together in a duck-bill-like position. These gloves are somewhat porous, so theres no guarantee of getting them 100 percent clean. Some people wash them and reuse them with the same partner, but its important to know that theyve never been tested for safety the way surgical gloves are. They wear out after three to seven uses, depending on the brand. So if you like how they look and feel, remember that they can be hard to keep clean and theyll wear out.

##  **Insertion Technique**

Opening the ass to a fist is all about relaxation. Not everyone has the ability to relax as fully as necessary to do this safely. You may not be able to accommodate a whole fist on your first attempt. Some people never will. We appreciate that taking a whole fist is a hot fantasy for many people, but try not to maintain the goal of getting the whole thing inside, and never force penetration. It should feel good during the entire experience—not just after you "go all the way."

Be sure to set aside plenty of time. Open your partner slowly, working your way from fewer to more fingers, or smaller to larger toys. Use lots of lube and reapply often. When you have four fingers in, you can tuck your thumb alongside your fingers and gently press in.

Try pressing a little, then withdrawing a little, repeating in this fashion as you make your way in. You can also try gently twisting your hand. Feel your way in carefully: once your fingers are through the sphincters, you will have to gently navigate the soft folds of the rectum, which curve in a slightly different pattern on every person. Once the hand is inserted and the sphincters settle around the wrist, you can slowly, one finger at a time, draw your fingers in toward your palm to close your hand into a fist. This is not necessary, but its a convenient hand position for many of the techniques described below.

##  **Massaging the Prostate While Fisting**

With your fist inserted, you may find that very subtle movements are enough to send your partner into prostate heaven.  It is also very easy to overstimulate the gland while fisting, so be sure to alternate between prostate-focused motions and holding still or moving in a way that applies less focused pressure on this area. Here are some techniques for massaging the prostate while fisting:

With your partner lying on his back and your hand inside him, close your fingers into a fist. Position your hand as if you were going to give someone a "thumbs up"—but dont actually lift your thumb, just let it sit flat on top of the closed fist. This positions the back of your thumb against his prostate. Now there are several ways you can pleasure his prostate with subtle motions of the thumb.

1\. You can bend the thumb knuckle, causing the back of the thumb to lift into the prostate, and flatten again, repeatedly. Do this right down the midline of the prostate, or focus on one lobe for several strokes and then move to the other.

2\. You can swivel the thumb right to left, mimicking the "windshield wiper" side-to-side massage technique.

3\. Put the two together by lifting the back of the thumb up against the prostate, moving from right to left across the prostate, then flattening the thumb and moving from left to right to return to the original position; repeat. After several strokes, do it in the opposite direction so you press into the prostate on the left-to-right stroke. This is a fairly small motion—it doesnt take much!

4\. As an alternative to technique #1 above, instead of moving the thumb, hold it still against the closed fist and pivot the whole fist up and down, moving from the wrist, so that the back of the thumb presses into the prostate.

5\. With the thumb in the same position, hold it still against the closed fist and swivel your whole hand clockwise and counterclockwise in a twisting motion. You can do this with the thumb against the prostate (as an alternative to #2), or rotate your hand so that the punching knuckles of the index and middle finger dance over the prostate.

6\. Keeping your fist closed, gently move the whole fist in a subtle in-and-out motion. (Not all the way in and all the way out—just a few centimeters so you rub up and down against the prostate.)

With fisting, a little goes a long way, so keep your motions small and slow. Dont make any fast moves—and that includes when you are pulling out at the end of play. If pain arises for your partner, hold still and have him breathe and relax until it passes. If it doesnt go away, remove your hand very slowly. Avoid the temptation to pull out quickly, even if your partner asks you to, because you could damage the tissue by doing so.


Input:
 The prompt for the above section of the story could be:

Write a chapter titled 'The "Sweet Spot": Massaging the Perineum' that discusses the erotic potential of the perineum and how to massage it to stimulate the prostate. Begin by explaining where the perineum is located and how the prostate is close enough to the surface that deep, focused touch can be felt in the prostate. Discuss the benefits of massaging the perineum, such as intensifying other forms of play, making orgasms feel more powerful, and intensifying a prostate massage via the anal route. Provide illustrations to demonstrate the location of the perineum and the bulb of the penis. Discuss how to find the 'sweet spot' on the perineum, including tips on getting turned on, finding a comfortable position, and using different levels of pressure. Discuss how to massage the sweet spot, including tips on deep, long presses, rapid pulsation, and using a vibrator. Discuss partner massage and how it can simplify matters, as well as tips for partners on how to massage the perineum effectively. Discuss the importance of listening to feedback and following the signs of the body. Finally, address the common concern that some people may not feel anything when massaging the perineum and provide tips on how to troubleshoot this issue.

Response:
**CHAPTER** **10**

**THE "SWEET SPOT": MASSAGING THE PERINEUM**

Behind your balls, in front of your asshole, and squarely between your legs is the perineum. This unassuming (and often ignored) part of your body has a lot of erotic potential. Many people enjoy light caresses, licking, gentle touch, and vibration on the surface of the perineum. But thats not all. The prostate is just a couple of inches inside the perineum. Its close enough to the surface that if deep, focused touch is applied at the right spot, the pressure is transferred through the intermediate tissue and can be felt in the prostate. The sensations will feel less focused, sort of like rubbing someones shoulders through a sweater rather than massaging on bare skin, but that certainly doesnt mean it wont feel good!

Some have called this "the sweet spot." You might not  find pressing the spot to be much fun on its own. However, this external spot combines quite nicely with other kinds of play, such as hand jobs and blow jobs. It adds an extra zip, broadening the focus of stimulation so you can reach higher levels of arousal. Many will find that their orgasms feel more powerful if this point is pressed during climax. Plus, if you are curious about your prostate but not quite ready to go the anal route, this is a convenient way to dip your toes in the water.

Perineum massage is also a great way to intensify a prostate massage via the anal route. By applying pressure through the basement and the back door simultaneously, you are coming at the prostate from multiple angles. If you are warmed up enough to take this level of intensity, it can double the pleasure.

**Illustration 20. The Perineum**

#  **WHY THE SWEET SPOT FEELS GOOD**

If you flip back to chapter 3 and review Illustration 1, Male Anatomy, you can see that the bulb of the penis runs well into the body, extending partway into the perineum. Perched atop and slightly behind it is the prostate. Its fairly close to the surface, so when you massage the perineum with deep pressure in the right spot, that pressure is transmitted through to the prostate.

Some people feel prostate sensations when they press through the bulb of the erect penis. Others feel these sensations when they press into the soft area behind the bulb of the penis. The location of the spot is a little different for everyone, but it is generally along the midline between your legs.

As a bonus, in addition to being able to massage the prostate through the perineum, you can also massage the bulb of the cock. This deep end of your cock, which probably gets very little attention by comparison with the rest of the shaft, will appreciate the attention. This not only feels good but can also pump up your erection by pushing the blood through the blood vessels and further into the cock.

Some men report that when they reach the right spot, they feel a tingling sensation that radiates through their penis, perineum, prostate, and anus simultaneously. This makes the sensation feel more broad. Its not just your cock where you feel pleasure, but your cock in connection to the perineum, prostate, and anus.

On top of all that, when you massage the perineum, you can help the muscles of the pelvic floor relax. This increases  blood flow, which is important for both sexual health and arousal. And if youre new to anal play, you may discover that it can also make penetration easier. When the muscles around the anus are tight, the anus is also likely to be tight, so massage can help relax the muscles and make penetration more comfortable.

#  **FINDING THE SWEET SPOT**

Since the prostate is a couple of inches inside the body, you need to use deep tissue massage to stimulate it through the perineum. Light touches only stimulate the surface nerves of the skin, as when you run your fingertips across the head of your cock. This can feel great, and will certainly be a nice way to "warm up" the area and build arousal. But its not going to be felt in the prostate because it doesnt go deep enough. You need to apply firm, deep pressure to transfer the sensation to the prostate through the intermediate tissue.

Also, like so many things sexual, this is most likely to feel good if you are already turned on. Arousal makes the whole genital area more engorged and sensitive, so that when you apply pressure it is more likely to feel good. If you are unaroused, you might only feel pressure without any kind of erotic charge, or even discomfort. So before you get started trying to massage the prostate through your perineum, get yourself excited. Whether that means stroking your cock, fantasizing, massaging the anal opening, or anything else, get the blood moving before experimenting with your sweet spot.

If you are new to prostate sensations, what you feel may be  very subtle at first, even if you are turned on and pressing in the right area. Because this is an indirect massage, for many people it may take some practice to feel it in the prostate. As with many new things, it may not happen right away. If you try it a few times, you may discover new sensations.

#  **FIND YOUR OWN**

To find your sweet spot, you need to reach down between your legs, either from the front or from behind. If youre reaching from the front, make your back round to bring your perineum closer to your head. For example, lie down with a pillow under your head and another under your hips. Bring your knees up toward your face and reach your hand between your legs from the front. Or sit on a chair with your legs up on a table and reach between your legs from the front. You can also squat and reach down, though you may find this position difficult on your knees. Kneeling and rounding your back also works well.

If you want to reach from behind, arch your back. You can lie on your side with your top leg bent and resting on a pillow for easy access. Or get on your hands and knees and use one hand to reach back. If you cant support your weight on one hand, rest your torso on a chair or bed with your knees or feet on the floor.

##  **Start Looking**

As mentioned above, you are most likely to get a kick out of pressing your sweet spot if you are already excited. Once you  are turned on and in a comfortable position, you are ready to start looking. If your cock is erect, find the rounded ridge that runs along the underside. This is the corpus spongiosum—one of the three erectile columns that run the length of the cock. Follow the ridge down the shaft and past your balls. It continues all the way into the perineum. You might even be able to feel where the root of the penis splits. This is where the corpora cavernosa—the other two cylinders that form the shaft of the cock—spread in a _Y_ shape.

Place the tips of one or two fingers directly behind the scrotum and push in, holding for several seconds before releasing. Then move your fingers about a quarter inch further backward (away from the balls, toward the asshole), and repeat the press-and-release. Continue this at quarter-inch increments until you reach the hole, then start over from the scrotum. Experiment with different degrees of pressure, but dont go harder than is comfortable. For most men, the location of the sweet spot is much closer to the anus than the balls, but its a little different for everyone.

Hopefully, as you do this perineum massage exercise, youll find an area where the pressure feels a little different. It may be subtle at first, almost like a slight tingle. With a little practice, youll be able to identify the sensation more easily and it can feel much stronger and more pleasurable. When you find a spot that feels different, stop and linger there. Massage it with deep, long presses, holding for several seconds, then releasing for several seconds. As you get used to the sensation, you can try a more rapid pulsation. Or dig in and hold the pressure while vibrating your fingertip with very small, quick  back–and–forth motions. Press in and move your finger in a small circle. Just be careful not to dig in with your fingernails.

Dont forget to keep breathing. If youre holding your breath, youre probably also tightening your pelvic floor, which cuts down on the sensation and makes things harder to feel. If youve stopped touching your penis, go back to it and see how it feels to do both at the same time. Keeping the arousal up will make it easier to find the sweet spot.

If you massage the sweet spot during orgasm, you may feel the bulb of the penis swell with each contraction. Your ejaculation might not come out with as much force, since youre pressing on the tube that semen comes through, but it can often feel more intense.

##  **Sit on It**

Some men simply arent built to comfortably reach their own sweet spot. If you have trouble reaching it with your fingers, and you dont have an available partner to do it for you, there are lots of objects you can use to massage your perineum. Some men sit on a rolled-up sock or a tennis ball while jerking off in order to apply pressure to the perineum. Try sitting on it and rocking back and forth or side to side to work it deep into the perineum.

One company even manufactures a toy for exactly this purpose: the Prostate Cradle is an external prostate massager made of silicone and shaped like a narrow bicycle seat. Its designed so you can sit on it and massage the sweet spot. Its worth noting, however, that the prostate cradle is marketed primarily as a health product, and the manufacturer takes  a slightly squeamish approach to prostate massage via anal penetration, which it describes as "invasive." Because youre reading this book, were guessing that youre more open to the idea of anal play—perhaps even enthusiastic about it—but if you want to try the prostate cradle, dont let this anal phobia stop you.

For a little extra zip, use a vibrator. In addition to applying pressure, a vibrator transmits sensation deep into the perineum. Some men are skeptical or uncomfortable about the suggestion that a vibrator might feel good for them: since vibrators are popular among women, there is a widespread assumption that they are only for women.

However, many men have tried applying vibration to their sensitive parts and found that it feels good. After all, in spite of differences in the structure of male and female genitals, the different organs respond in similar ways. The nerve endings like what they like, and its just as simple as that! If you have a vibrator handy, give it a shot and see for yourself. (While youre at it, try pressing the vibe against the head of your cock!)

If youre using one of the long, skinny vibrators, you can massage the sweet spot with the tip. However, please note that many battery vibrators are not safe for anal penetration. If your toy doesnt have a base, please dont insert it—it can slip all the way inside and not come back out. That can mean going to the emergency room, so play it safe and only use toys with a base for anal penetration.

#  **PARTNER MASSAGE**

Having a partner massage your sweet spot can simplify matters considerably. In many positions, your partner can reach your perineum much more comfortably than you can—which lets you experience the massage in a way that is relaxed and free of wrist strain. As long as your partner is in a comfortable position, they can probably do it longer than you could by yourself. Plus, having your partner explore this sensitive zone may make it feel that much more fun.

Of course, you lose the direct biofeedback that you have with self-stimulation because your partner cant feel what you are feeling—only you can. So you might have to give them some guidance: "Higher. Lower. Not so hard… A little to the left. More pressure—good spot! Stay there!" Sometimes it might be a simple "I dont feel anything, but keep trying." Guiding your partner is much easier if you have already found your sweet spot by yourself: you will have some idea of the sensation that you are trying to spark.

##  **A Guide for Partners**

Before you start using deep pressure to look for the sweet spot, get your partner warmed up with light touches. Rub your fingers softly across the skin, with or without a lubricant, or run your tongue up and down the area while going down on him. Try with both hard and soft tongue. (A hard tongue is flexed and pointy, whereas a soft tongue is relaxed and soft, as if you were licking an ice cream cone.)

When he is ready, you can begin to apply a deeper pressure. One of you can rub his cock or stimulate other parts  of his body at the same time to help eroticize the new sensations. Start with a broad massage of the perineum: close your hand into a ball and press the flat surface of your fingers into the perineum, or press in with the knuckles. Try this in a wave motion: roll your fist over the perineum as if you were kneading bread dough, applying pressure in a wave across the whole perineum.

Now you might begin the search for the sweet spot with more focused, deep pressure. You can use the tips of one or more fingers, or your thumb. Try vibration, pressing in with a finger or two while moving your hand back and forth in very small, rapid motions. Try pulsations, pressing, and releasing at various speeds. Somraj Pokras and Jeffre TallTrees, authors of _Tantric Male Multiple G-spot Orgasm_ , suggest that this feels particularly good because it replicates the way the prostate contracts rhythmically during ejaculation.

If you have a finger or two massaging his prostate from the inside, use the thumb of that hand or your other hand to press into the sweet spot. Better yet, if your fingers and thumb are long enough, you can insert fingers and use the thumb to press into the prostate, or vice versa.

Listen to his feedback and follow the signs of his body. Ask him to tell you if you push too hard and it feels painful or uncomfortable.

If he wants to ejaculate, try pressing into the sweet spot during ejaculation. You can press and hold, or try a rapid press-and-release pulsation that mimics the contractions that occur during orgasm.

#  **"I DONT FEEL ANYTHING"**

It may take a while to feel the sweet spot, during this session or over the course of several sessions, so dont give up right away. Have fun doing whatever you normally do, and let this exploration be the icing on the cake. Be sure to keep up familiar forms of stimulation so that the arousal stays high.

If you are pressing all over the perineum and cant find anything, give it a break. Do some other kind of sex play and try again in five minutes. If youre not sure youre in the right spot, try it during ejaculation. This will maximize your ability to feel the spot, since the prostate is swollen at this point and more sensitive to pressure. If you dont find it today, you can always try again another time. Keep practicing by yourself during masturbation, and remember that this is all about feeling good.


Input:
 The prompt for the above section of the story could be:

Write a chapter titled 'Toys' that discusses the various types of lubricants and sex toys that are suitable for anal play and prostate stimulation. Begin by discussing the importance of using lubricant for anal play and the different types of lubricants available, including water-based, silicone-based, oil-based, and J-lube. Discuss the pros and cons of each type of lubricant and provide tips on how to choose the best lubricant for different types of anal play.

Next, discuss the different types of sex toys that are suitable for anal play and prostate stimulation, including butt plugs, dildos, vibrators, and prostate-specific toys. Provide tips on how to choose the right sex toy for different types of anal play and prostate stimulation, and discuss the importance of using anal-safe toys that are smooth, have a flared base, and are made from nonporous materials.

Include illustrations to demonstrate the different types of sex toys and their features. Provide tips on how to use and clean different types of sex toys, and discuss the importance of using condoms with certain types of sex toys. Finally, address the common concerns and misconceptions about using sex toys for anal play and prostate stimulation, and provide reassurance that using sex toys can be safe, pleasurable, and beneficial for sexual health and wellbeing.

Response:
**CHAPTER** **11**

**TOYS**

#  **LUBE**

When it comes to making sex feel better and work better, theres nothing more effective than lubricant. Working the prostate without lube is like going down a water slide without running water. Its not nearly as fun, and its likely to hurt!

The inside of your ass does not produce lubrication the way a vagina can. It comes equipped with only a thin layer of mucus that lines and protects the tissue. That lining is disrupted very quickly if you dont use lube, and the friction of a cock or anal toy rubbing against your delicate internal tissue may cause small, painful tears, irritation, and a sore bottom tomorrow.

Could you get by without it? Say, if you were just doing a  quick two-finger massage? Well, its certainly been done. But why would you want to? Lube feels really, really good! Just as a back massage is better with massage oil, using lube during prostate massage will create a slickety-smooth and luxurious feeling. It also allows playtime to last longer because you wont get worn out so quickly, and that may help you reach higher levels of arousal and pleasure.

Lube is available in a wide spectrum of prices suited for every budget. Sex shops and Internet merchants catering to the adult market have the most impressive array of options, but these days many drugstores carry several options as well.

The kind of lube you want depends on the kind of play you are doing. If there is minimal motion, as with wearing a butt plug or getting a brief finger massage, you may get by just fine on that drugstore-brand lube. However, for activities that involve more motion, such as fucking, or larger objects, or for long-duration play sessions, youll get the best performance from a lube that was made with these activities in mind.

##  **Water-Based Lube**

Water-based lubricants are a lube of convenience: they are widely available in a variety of textures, can be used with any kind of toy or safer sex barrier, and rinse off easily when you are finished. Plus, theyre usually less expensive than other versions.

Some back door enthusiasts complain that water-based lubes dry out too quickly. This is particularly true of the thin, runny varieties. These feel great going in the ass—slippery, wet, and cooling—but the feeling doesnt last long because the  water portion of the lube quickly evaporates or gets absorbed by the rectal tissue. That is, after all, part of what the lower colon does: absorb water back into the body.

By comparison, thicker water-based lubricants last much longer in the ass, and are favored by many prostate players. These lubes often have a gel-like consistency, which allows them to form a cushiony protective coating over the rectal lining, reducing friction more effectively than their thinner cousins.

Of course, whether its thick or thin, when a water-based lube dries out, that sticky residue is lube-minus-water, so a little bit of water or spit can return it to its former slippery grandeur—sometimes more effectively than applying another dab of lube.

Glycerin is a common ingredient in water-based lubes. If a lube contains glycerin, it tends to get sticky when it dries out. Glycerin-free lubricants dont dry out, but they soak in like hand cream, so you may have to apply more of it. Some people find glycerin-based lube irritating when they use it for anal penetration. If you experience irritation, discomfort, or a burning sensation after playing with a glycerin-based lube, try a glycerin-free variety next time and see if it makes a difference.

**J-LUBE**

If you are doing extensive sessions of anal penetration, try J-lube. It is manufactured as a lube for veterinarians to use on animals during gynecological exams and insemination, but it has been adopted as the lube of choice of many anal players, especially for extensive sessions, large objects, and fisting.

It comes as a powder that you mix with water to create the desired amount of lube. A little bit goes a long way: 8 ounces of the powder can make—no joke—up to 8 _gallons_ of lube, so itll last a long time. You can use more water to make a thinner lube, or less to make a thicker lube. Needless to say, it will be more space efficient if you dont mix more than you need. Type "J-Lube" into your search engine and youll find several online retailers.

##  **Silicone**

Silicone-based lubricants feel slick and almost oily, but unlike oils, they are latex safe. And unlike water-based lubes, they do not rinse off with water, which makes them ideal for playing in the shower, but also means that clean up is a bit more involved. Even after scrubbing thoroughly with soap, you might still feel a thin residue on your skin. And if you spill some on the floor, be sure to wipe it all up or you might slip on it, even hours or days later.

Theres a chance that youre already using silicone products in your shaving cream, because they give you a slick, smooth shave. If dimethicone, dimethiconol, or cyclomethicone is in the ingredient list, its the stuff in some of the common silicone lubricants.

They tend to be more expensive than water-based lubes, but youll probably use a smaller amount, so they can be cost-effective despite the higher price for the same size bottle. Some silicone lubes may damage some silicone toys, so put a condom over the toy to keep it working right.

Many people rave about silicone lubricants because they never seem to dry out. The more slippery ones arent ideally suited for lots of motion because the slick feeling they create is very different from the slippery wet feeling of a water-based lube.

If you are doing minimal motion, such as a finger massage or using a small toy, a silicone lube will do just fine, even if it is on the runnier side. However, a thicker variety protects the tissues better and is more suitable for play that involves larger objects or more movement, such as a fucking motion with a dildo.

**MIX AND MATCH**

You can have the best of both, or several, worlds by mixing various lubes together. Some people like to start anal penetration with a viscous lube such as a thick silicone or a gel-like water-based lube. This forms a base coat that will resist drying and will cling to the tissue, protecting against friction. Then, in order to allow for rapid motion, a thinner, wetter lube may be applied on top. You can switch back and forth between your lube bottles throughout play as you please. Or you can mix a water-based and a silicone lube together in a third bottle. This ensures that the proportions are always the same, although youll need to experiment to find the combination that you like best. If they separate out, just give the bottle a shake before getting started.

##  **Oil-Based Lube**

Perhaps youve heard of a certain brand of vegetable shortening that is an old favorite in some anal play circles? Very few of the products that are marketed and sold as sex lubes are oil based, but quite a few common oil-based household products have been adopted by prostate enthusiasts as a lube of choice. Vegetable shortening, coconut oil, and Albolene-brand moisturizer were not made to be used for sex, but plenty of men use them with no complaints. They feel super slick and are very long lasting. The creamy, semisolid varieties, like vegetable shortening, heat up to body temperature, which makes them take nicely to motion while still coating the rectum thoroughly.

On the downside, oil breaks down latex very quickly, which means that you shouldnt use oil with latex condoms or gloves. Nonlatex gloves and condoms are widely available for people with latex allergies, and these can be used with oil. (See chapter 4, Hygiene, for information on nonlatex barriers.)

If you do choose an oil, avoid anything with perfume in it like some massage oils or baby oils, as this may irritate the sensitive skin of the anus and rectum. Also, mineral oils like Vaseline or baby oil can actually dry tissues out, so go with a vegetable oil. Store the oil in the refrigerator to keep it from going rancid and pour some into a bowl when you want to play, to avoid contaminating the container. Coconut oil and almond oil are very popular choices, or you can buy one designed for sex.

#  **TOY TIPS**

So you want to buy a toy for your prostate? Excellent! Toys are a great way of stimulating the P-spot, with or without a partner. Sex toys offer unique textures and sensations, in addition to the thrill of novelty. They allow for ease of position and extended reach, as many men cannot comfortably stimulate their own prostate with their hands for a long period of time. A wide range of toys can be used to get to the P-spot, as long as you follow a few simple safety guidelines.

Anything you put into the anus should be smooth. Lots of toys have bumps or ridges for vaginal stimulation, but the anus is much more sensitive. To avoid pain, go for something smooth. Subtle, rounded ridges are OK and can feel really good, especially as they slide down over the prostate on the outstroke—just be mindful that itll make for a bumpy ride, so go a little slower.

Make sure that your toy has a flared base. When youre shaking all over and your muscles are contracting and everything is slippery, a toy without a flared base can accidentally get pushed all the way into the ass too deep for you to pull it out. This has happened to plenty of people—so as tempting as that candle or cucumber may be, its probably not worth the risk of a very uncomfortable trip to the emergency room.

**Illustration 21. Toys with Flared Bases**

If you do lose a toy inside you, dont panic. Try taking a slow breath and see if you can push it out on the exhale. If that doesnt work, take a warm bath to help the muscles relax, and it might be easier to remove it. Some people report that drinking warm tea or eating something spicy stimulates the contractions of the digestive system and helps push the toy out. If these tips dont work, get to the emergency room. Its possible to damage the rectum or the colon, causing serious problems. As embarrassed as you might be, its better than dealing with the damage that could happen if you dont seek medical attention. Avoid this worry altogether by using anal-safe toys.

Be realistic about the size. Bigger is not always better! Consider the size of objects that youve accommodated previously. Was it two fingers? A cock? A fist? A toy that is around  the same size or slightly larger is reasonable, but making a jump from two fingers to a 2-inch-diameter butt plug is perhaps unrealistic. If you can afford it, get toys of many different sizes so you can work your way up from smaller to larger ones.

Many anal toys are made from nonporous silicone, glass, metal, plastic, or other similar materials. These are good choices because theyre easy to clean and take care of. Some materials, like jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, and some elastomers (also known as TPE and TPR) are porous, which means that bacteria can get trapped in the surface of the toy, even if you scrub it—in fact, some of the softer materials can be damaged by overly enthusiastic cleaning. Because these toys are so hard to clean, your best bet is to cover them with a condom every time.

Its probably a good idea to stick with objects that are meant to be used as sex toys, rather than using something you happen to have around the house. However, if you feel suddenly inspired, make sure that anything you use is smooth, has a base, and is either nonporous or (better) covered with a condom.

##  **Realistic Expectations for Toys**

Weve spoken with some men who have had disappointing experiences with toys. In some cases, it may be that the toy wasnt right for them, but sometimes its because they had unrealistic expectations about how the toy would feel. This is especially true for popular toys that work for a lot of men, such as the Aneros (which we describe later in this chapter).

Fans of the Aneros absolutely rave about it. They talk of having multiple orgasms over the period of an hour or more. Understandably, new Aneros users are probably hoping for similar fireworks. So they pop it in, follow the instructions on the package, wait eagerly for the magic, and wonder why nothing happens. They are expecting the toy to instantly create the pleasure all by itself. Like instant coffee—just add hot water and serve! But thats not how it works. Putting a sex toy into an unaroused anus is like pouring gasoline over firewood that hasnt been lit—you wont get anywhere if you dont have a match handy.

You have to light the fire first—get yourself aroused. Fantasize, watch porn, or read erotica, touching yourself in any way that you enjoy. Even if the ultimate goal is a hands-free prostate orgasm, you may get the best results from touching your cock for the first few times while you get used to the new toy. You might just need to slow down and relax enough to really feel whats happening rather than thinking about what you want to have happen. Once you are turned on, adding a toy is a great way to fuel the fire.

Its also good to remember that when it comes to sex, nothing works the same for everyone. You might follow all the instructions for a particular toy and discover that nothing happens. That doesnt mean that theres anything wrong with you, and it doesnt necessarily mean that the toy wont work for you if you try again another time. Some men discover that toys that didnt do much before drive them wild after theyve gained some prostate experience.

Or you could chalk it up as an experiment that didnt go  the way you wanted and try something else. While it can be disappointing, dont take it personally. It just means that you need something else. Fortunately, there are lots of options.

#  **BUTT PLUGS**

Butt plugs come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, but the basic design is: thin-thick-thin-thick, in that order. They start with a slender point of entry, followed by a thicker middle that sits inside the rectum, then a thin neck that the anal sphincters close around, and lastly a flared base that sits outside the anus for easy retrieval.

Most plugs dont give you much prostate stimulation—they are generally designed to go in and stay put, and arent made for motion. Many of them do not go deep enough to sit along the prostate, and even if they do, they wont be doing much. But they are great for getting the ass warmed up for motion or larger toys. Also, they nicely bring attention to the prostate if you wear one for motion-oriented activities like being spanked or fucking someone.

Some plugs have a curved tip that looks like it would work for the prostate, and some of them do, especially if the flared base is shaped to hold it in the right position. But if your plug has a rounded base, it might rotate once you have it inserted, which will move the curve away from your prostate. If your plug has a curved tip and a vibrator in the base, its more likely to work for prostate fun, since the vibration makes up for the lack of back-and-forth motion.

**BEST OF BOTH WORLDS**

Sometimes you want to be the one _doing_ the fucking and have your prostate rubbed at the same time. Well, unless there is a third person present, this is likely too much of a contortion for most people to do with fingers. But the right toy could be just the ticket!

The important thing here is to choose a toy that stays in place without you having to hold it. Butt plugs are well suited for this, since they are designed to go in and stay put. Just make sure you choose a toy that is long enough to actually contact the prostate.

Unfortunately, some plugs have a tendency to fall out, especially during orgasm. This is much less likely if the bulb (the thicker part inside your body) is a good bit wider than the narrow neck. The closer the two are in size, the harder itll be to keep it in. You may find that it is easier to keep the toy in place in some positions than in others, so do a little experimenting.

The Aneros is very popular for this purpose, since it has such a well-designed pivot action that presses the toy against your gland every time that you thrust your hips. Also, a vibrating plug can add a little zip.

#  **MADE WITH THE PROSTATE IN MIND**

There are lots of anal toys on the market, but most of them are not made with the specific intention of stimulating the prostate. Lately, however, there has been an upswing in the number of prostate-specific toys being manufactured. Toy companies seem to have noticed the trend and are expanding their product lines to meet the market demand. They are also increasingly addressing a market of straight men and male–female couples.

##  **Aneros**

The Aneros Company is one of the best-known prostate toy manufacturers. Its product, the Aneros, was originally designed as a medical device to facilitate prostate massage by making it easier to milk the prostate and "relieve congested prostate fluid." 17 Many patients reported unexpected and pleasant sexual side effects, and eventually the company began to market the product as a sex toy. The company has also developed other models in slightly different shapes and sizes to accommodate different body types and offer different sensations. The narrower version is easier for beginners to insert. The wider one spreads the sensation over more surface area, so it can actually feel less intense. And the company even has a model that includes a pulsing vibrator for that extra stimulation. Although nothing works for everyone, Aneros toys get rave reviews from a lot of men!

The Aneros is shaped like an upside-down _T_. It features a slender, gently curved insertion piece with a narrowed neck. When the Aneros is inserted, the front arm of the _T_ rests outside the body, against the perineum, to press into the perineum point. The back arm serves as a handle, but you dont use the handle to move the toy inside you: the unique thing about the Aneros is that it is designed for hands-free motion.

To move the toy, you squeeze your PC muscles. (See chapter 6, Searching for the "Magic Button.") When you tighten these muscles, you pull the toy up and in. Since the front arm of the toy sits on the outside, nestled against the perineum, when your PC muscles pull the toy inward, this pressure on the front arm creates a lever effect, tipping the toy forward so it  presses against the prostate. Each time you contract your PC muscle, whether you do it on purpose or out of reflex, the toy massages the prostate.

The pressure on the perineum can be too intense for some, especially when they first begin using it. If youre getting too much pressure, you can tape a cotton ball to the front arm to soften the intensity. Most users get accustomed to the pressure over time and then find it to be quite pleasurable.

To ensure that the end of the front arm sits over the right area on your perineum, find your "sweet spot" in advance, then measure the distance from your asshole and buy the right toy for your body according to the measurements listed online. It is also possible to (very gently!) bend the perineum arm slightly forward to elongate it. The perineum arm tends to slide off to one side rather than rest in the center, especially if your cock is hard. Just keep moving it back to center.

Since these toys are hands free, you can use your hands for other things like stroking your cock or washing the dishes. Plenty of people love to wear these toys while fucking someone else. Or you can move your hips from side to side to create a windshield wiper motion. There are lots of ways to experiment with these toys.

It can be tempting to use your hands to create the motion of the toy. You might find that pleasurable, but its better to use the PC muscle; it helps jump-start your arousal. Its not just about moving the toy toward and away from the prostate : repeated tightening of the PC is what you do when you climax. Contracting and relaxing these muscles adds significantly to your arousal, wakes up the tissue, and is great  exercise. A stronger PC makes for stronger orgasms, so this is a great way to get in shape. A significant part of the success of the Aneros is likely due to the added bonus of getting your PC in shape and the associated benefits. (See chapter 6, Searching for the "Magic Button.")

The manufacturer provides online forums where you can trade tips with other users, get advice, and discover new ways to enjoy your prostate. One thing—dont take another guys instructions as law. Everyone is different, and you will need to experiment with a variety of positions to find what works best for you.

##  **Nexus**

The Nexus line of prostate toys has a design similar to the Aneros, basically an upside-down _T_ with a handle to the back and a perineum arm to the front. In contrast, many of the Nexus toys have a rolling ball in the perineum arm that slides across the perineum rather than a tab that presses in.

The Nexus Vibro is very popular. The vibration is concentrated at the tip, instead of at the base as with many insertable vibrators, so more of the vibration goes to the prostate. (Not everyone likes vibration on their prostate, but some men love it.) The Vibro has different vibration speeds that seem to work very well for the prostate, according to many who have used the toy.

At the time of this writing, Aneros had recently sued Nexus for patent infringement, and they agreed to a settlement which dictates that Nexus will not be able to sell toys in the US for a certain period of time.

**Illustration 22. Prostate Toys**

##  **Others**

There are some other prostate-specific toys, like the Naughty Boy and the Rude Boy, made by Rock Chick. To use these, you sit on them and rock or gyrate your hips to create the motion.

Also check out Pure Plug, a line of shiny stainless-steel butt plugs that get good reviews for prostate stimulation. Make sure to pick one that is long enough to actually reach the gland. Start off in a in facedown position so that the weight of the toy is pressing into your prostate. Then try moving your hips to see what motion it creates.

#  **G-SPOT TOYS**

The road map to the prostate is pretty similar to that of the G-spot in women: enter the appropriate orifice, go in about 2–3 inches, point to the front of the body, and youre there. This means that plenty of toys made for one also work for the other. In fact, weve spoken with a number of men whose toy of choice is actually a G-spot toy that theyve adapted for their own pleasure. G-spot toys usually have a curved tip that can be used to hook around the top of the prostate and milk it downward or press into it. And if youre looking for vibration, youll surely find it in the G-spot toy section.

These toys often lack the tapered neck that many anal toys feature, which allows the anal muscles to hold a toy in place. But perusing G-spot toys will open a lot of options for you—because there are so darn many of them! Just make sure that your toy is anal safe: smooth, easy to clean (or else cover it with a condom), and with a flared base to keep it from slipping all the way in.

#  **VIBRATORS**

Vibrators are popular for anal play—they feel great and help relax the sphincter muscles. You might like vibrating prostate toys for the way they feel on the anus, for the prostate sensations, or both! Its worth noting that you might find the prostate vibration a little too intense or distracting, or it might make your orgasm amazing. The only way to find out is to try it.

When youre first looking for your prostate, we suggest not  using a vibrator (or at least not switching the vibration on), because vibration can make it a bit harder to isolate the prostate sensations and be sure youre in the right place. But once youre confident that you know where yours is, vibration can be a great addition.

Many battery vibrators are sold as novelty toys, which means they tend to break pretty quickly. While thats unfortunate, it does make them less expensive, so you can try a few different ones out without also breaking the bank. Once you know what you like, more durable (and generally more expensive) models are out there.

Besides durability, another factor that affects the price of your toy is what its made of. Some materials are less expensive, but generally more difficult to clean. Others are more durable and are nonporous, but they tend to cost more. Well discuss the common sex toy materials and how to take care of them later in this chapter.

Electric vibrators are much more durable than most battery models, but theyre a bit bigger than you might want and, of course, you need to be near an outlet. If you want something for longer sessions, an electric toy like the Hitachi Magic Wand or the Wahl Coil vibrator might be a good bet.

**Illustration 23. Electric Vibes and Attachments: Wahl Coil with Suction Cup Attachment; Hitachi Magic Wand with G-Spotter Attachment**

The intended purpose of electric vibrators is back massage, but there are some easy ways to make them work for sex.

Neither of the models in Illustration 23 should be inserted into the body, but you can use them to make an insertable toy vibrate. If you have a Hitachi Magic Wand, you can insert a dildo or plug into your anus and hold the head of the vibrator against it. Or you can purchase a G-spotter attachment, which slips over the head and has a curved shaft thats perfect for prostate fun. The Wahl Coil vibrator has an attachment that works like a suction cup. You can stick any silicone dildo  with a flat base to it and have fun. With this combination the entire length vibrates, so youll get anal and prostate pleasure. Silicone toys transmit vibration a lot better than softer materials like jelly rubber, so they work very well when used with an electric vibrator like this.

#  **DILDOS**

Dildos are long and more or less smooth, so theyre well suited for an in-and-out motion. Some resemble a penis and others are less realistic. Choose a dildo with a curve for greater ease reaching the prostate, and make sure the inside of the curve is always facing the front of the body. The curve allows you to reach up and around the top of the prostate and press downward against it, like the "come hither" motion people like to use with finger massage. These models also work well for long in-and-out strokes, so the toy slides across the whole gland.

**Illustration 24. Curved Dildos**

For more direct pressure, try sitting on the toy and rocking back and forth; this works especially well with a midlength dildo, whose tip is at the prostate. Or reach your arm behind your ass and hold the base of the toy as you push it in toward the front of the body. Pushing in and out by curling your fingers and wrist can get tiring quickly, so try cupping the base of the toy in your hand and using the motion of your arm and shoulders to pivot it up and down so it presses against the prostate; or try an in-and-out motion.

If your dildo has a bulb at the end or a prominent head, it can be nice for hooking around the top of the prostate and milking it with a downward motion on the withdrawal stroke. If your toy has a very pronounced head or ridges, it can feel great but it might be too much on the sensitive anus. These models may not be good choices until youre familiar with anal play and know what you like.

In general, rigid materials such as glass, metal, or firm silicone make it easier to apply pressure. A dildo made of harder material will feel bigger than a softer dildo of the same size, so you may want to get a slimmer toy. Glass and metal tend to feel cold to the touch, but you can warm the toy up in advance by putting it in a bowl of warm water.

If youve never used an anal toy before, start off with something slimmer. The worst that could happen is that its not wide enough to rock your world. But if its too wide, it can be uncomfortable or painful, so dont let your enthusiasm make you go too big. Besides, even guys who like really large toys often start off each session with something smaller and work their way up, so having a slimmer toy is a good bet.

For prostate play, you probably dont need anything longer than six inches, but thats the short end of the range for most dildo makers. Dont worry, though. If its longer than you like, you can simply hold it a bit further up the shaft and not insert the whole length.

#  **STRAP-ON HARNESSES FOR HIM AND HER**

**Illustration 25. Woman Wearing Strap-on Harness and Dildo**

Using a dildo with a partner can be a lot of fun, whether handheld or with a harness. Going the handheld route gives a lot of control over smaller motions and changes in pressure and angle. But using a harness keeps everyones hands free for other activities, and if you have a fantasy of getting fucked, theres nothing quite like a harness to make that work.

##  **Pick Your Dildo First**

The first thing to do is pick a dildo that works for you, then find a harness that will work with it. Look for one with a flat base for the harness ring to grasp. And since itll probably be moving in and out, find one thats smooth instead of one with lots of bumps and ridges. While dildos with a pronounced head or curve work well as a handheld option, most people prefer a more gentle curve when using a strap-on harness.

For strap-on play, a slightly longer toy sometimes works better because you lose a little length to the harness and to the space between bodies. Also, many men who enjoy getting fucked really enjoy it when the object slides over the prostate, all the way in and all the way out. A shorter one can easily end up moving not _across_ the prostate, but directly _into_ the prostate—which means poking! If your dildo is about 4–6 inches in length, you can get that full-surface prostate stroking without going too deep. If your favorite dildo is a bit longer, experiment with different positions, and if you do go for depth, be careful of hitting the curve of the rectum. (See chapter 5, Penetration 101.)

Make sure the base is substantial enough for the harness to grasp. Some toys have bases that are too narrow for the  ring to hold or so soft that they simply pull through and fall out. Some harnesses have the ring sewn in, so you cant change the size. In others, the ring is held in with snaps, so you can swap it out for a larger or smaller ring, which gives you a few more options.

##  **Harness Selection**

These days, there are lots of different harnesses out there. Some are leather, which looks and feels sexy, but they cant be 100 percent cleaned because leather is porous, so its probably a good idea to use it with just one partner. Some are machine-washable fabric, which makes clean-up a snap. Check with the manufacturer or the store you purchase it from for cleaning instructions. For example, if it has nylon straps, dont put it in the dryer—it can melt! Some harnesses are frilly, some are no-nonsense, and some have sexy designs or colors. Take a look and find one that fits your personality and makes you feel sexy!

Many sex shops allow customers to try on harnesses over their clothes. If you live near a store, definitely take advantage of this opportunity: a snug fit is very important to having it work properly. A loose harness wont hold the dildo in place, so you wont be able to control the motion very well, and it might not look as sexy as it could. Wear snug pants so you can get a good feel for the harness. If you feel bashful, bring a close friend, and remember, people at the shop see this all day—its nothing new to them. If you dont have a store near you, you can order a harness online. See the Resources for recommended retailers.

##  **Harness Styles**

There are three basic styles of strap-on harness: those that fit like a thong, those that fit like a jockstrap, and a few that fit like shorts or underwear.

Thong harnesses have one strap that goes between your legs. They give you the most control, but they feel like youre wearing a very tight pair of jeans; some people dislike the sensation. Plus, if the wearer wants to receive penetration as well as giving it, the strap is in the way.

The jockstrap style features two straps that go around the back of your upper thighs. Theyre more comfortable and give easy access to the wearers genitals, if you want that. But they can take a little more practice to use, and if you change positions, you may need to adjust the straps.

Harnesses that are built like shorts or briefs look great, but be sure that they hold the dildo firmly. If the material stretches, your toy will hang downward and youll have a lot less control over it.

Whatever model harness you choose, you want the base of the dildo to rest on your pubic bone. If its up too high, on your abdomen, it will be harder to thrust. You can snug it down a bit lower so it rests over the clit, giving good clit stimulation and creating the feeling that the dildo is an extension of the clit.

##  **Vibrating Dildos and Harnesses**

Many sex shops carry dildos with a vibrator in the base to make the dildo vibrate. And some harnesses come equipped with a little pocket where you can insert a small bullet vibrator  so that it sits over the clit. People who like vibrators often find that these give them a little extra stimulation, making the harness more fun. But these little vibes tend to be on the mild side, especially when the sensations have to travel through the material of the harness.

On his end, the vibration will be felt most strongly at the anal opening—which some men really enjoy—but it is not likely to be felt on the prostate. If you decide to try a vibrating dildo, make sure that the vibrator sits all the way inside the base of the dildo, so that the surface into which you will be pressing at the base of the dildo is flat and there isnt a little hard vibe poking out for you to bruise against.

**Illustration 26. Jockstrap-Style Strap-on Harness**

##  **Strap-on Double Dildos**

**Illustration 27. Strap-on Double Dildos**

Traditional double dildos are long, straight toys that are basically two dildos connected at the base, forming one long, double-ended dildo. This is not the kind of double dildo used with a harness in strap-on play. The double dildos that are suited for strap-on play have more of a right angle, so that one end goes up and into her and the other end sticks straight out from the pelvis, like an erect cock.

There are a few popular toys with this design. The Nexus is one option, but dont confuse it with the Nexus line of prostate toys. On the givers end of the toy, its a dildo that curves up and inward toward the G-spot. The material is semifirm with a little give and comes in multiple sizes.

The Feeldoe and the Share are two other choices. These toys are different from the Nexus in that the givers end, instead of a shaft, is shaped like a bulb. The bulb is meant to be held in by the vaginal muscles, though some women find it can be difficult to hold on to. The Feeldoe is quite firm, so it may feel like a lot for both partners—we recommend doing ample warm-up before using it and starting with gentle, controlled strokes. The Feeldoe, like the Nexus, comes in a variety of sizes.

The Share is fairly similar to the Feeldoe; its a bit softer and it features a larger bulb, plus a clitoral ridge that comes up and over the clit and allows for some nice friction there. The bigger bulb makes it easier for the vaginal muscles to hold on to, but some people find it too wide for comfort.

##  **Harness-Free Use**

Because the Feeldoe and the Share have a bulb on the givers end instead of a shaft, it is possible to use these toys without a harness, since the bulb provides something for the giver to clasp. This is great for those who are not fond of straps and prefer the more natural look of a woman who is fully nude except for the silicone cock sticking out from between her thighs.

However, using these toys without a strap-on takes some practice to master. The toy may fall out repeatedly when you first try this, especially if you are using it in a position where gravity is working against you. This is compounded by the fact that the receiving asshole might be very tight. These toys were generally designed with girl–girl pairs in mind and the ass  tends to be tighter (and so gives more resistance) than a vagina.

If the woman has never been on the giving end of strap-on sex before, its probably best to try it several times with the harness, and then see if you can go without. That way, she can learn to steer a cock and master the motion of fucking without also having to worry about keeping her end from falling out! You can always play without the harness later, if you prefer—though by holding the dick in place a harness makes many positions possible which would otherwise tend to cause the dick to fall out of her pussy.

When you would like to try it harness free, there are some positions that work better than others. Keeping your thighs together tends to help the toy stay in place. You can do this in missionary, cowboy, or doggy positions. Or, you can make gravity work for you by having the receiver lie on his belly with his legs together, and the giver straddling him, sitting or lying over him. In this position, you can probably open your legs without the toy falling out.

If you want to buy a harness to use with a Feeldoe or a Share dildo, make sure it is one that works with a double dildo. Most harnesses are designed to be used with regular dildos only; not all work with a double-ended toy. The usual construction involves a ring that you put the toy through and a backdrop cloth—a small piece of material that sits between the body and the base of the toy. In some harnesses there is a hole in this cloth so the harness can be used with a double dildo (assuming that the hole is big enough for the dildo to fit through it). In others, the cloth can be removed, leaving just the ring and straps—that works too. If the harness does not  have a hole in the cloth and if the cloth cannot be removed, it cant be used with a double dildo.

#  **INFLATABLES**

A lot of guys like to start off their prostate play with a slim toy and work their way up to something bigger as they get more turned on. One great way to get this effect is by using an inflatable toy.

Inflatable toys are made of stretchy materials like latex. They come with a handheld pump so you can increase the size of the toy while its inside you. These are often best for creating a pleasurable feeling of fullness in the ass, which many anal players enjoy, but they can also exert an agreeable pressure on the prostate by their sheer size. Since they apply pressure in every direction, they work best for someone who has experience with and enjoys larger sizes.

If you would like to tap into your prostate sensations while using an inflatable toy, get one that is deep enough to sit over the prostate—at least 4 inches. Start by inflating the toy so it is just firm enough to insert, and then adjust the size to whatever feels good. It can feel good to pump it up slowly, then deflate it, so that you can experience the inflation repeatedly. If you pump it very large, the tube might blow off the pump. This is annoying, but usually you can just put it back on and hold it in place with your thumb and forefinger while you use the toy.

Be sure to use plenty of lubricant. When you deflate these toys, the walls of the rectum slide over the latex as it shrinks.  If your lubricant has dried out, this can be pretty uncomfortable. A silicone lube might be the best way to go, since it wont dry out.

#  **ELECTROSTIM**

The Aneros isnt the only medical device that crossed over into the world of sex toys. Electricity stimulation (or "electrostim") toys are among them as well. Power boxes such as the TENS machine are commonly used for physical therapy to apply electric currents to the body via pads placed on the skin. These devices have been adapted to the world of sex by various toy manufacturers. For thrill-seeking prostate players, electrical toys can add a nice zing to your repertoire!

Electrostim is all about mixing arousal with the intense sensation of a mild electrical charge. Sound painful? It can be—in fact, some BDSM practitioners are drawn to it for just that reason. But it doesnt have to be. At a low setting it feels like a faint tingle. At higher levels it can feel like a throb or a zap. The sensations can often be felt through the skin in deeper levels of tissue, thus the electric charge of a well-placed metal butt toy can pass through the rectal wall to be felt in the prostate.

Electrostim is an advanced type of play; you should do lots of research before using these toys (not to mention investing in the expensive equipment!). In use, always make sure you put the control panel in a safe place, where no one will accidentally hit it and push the dial into high gear! Always turn the device off before removing or adjusting the connections to  your body—if the electricity is still running when you reduce the surface area it is contacting, all the charge will be concentrated in that bit of skin, which can be more than you wanted.

#  **URETHRAL SOUNDS**

The urethral sound is yet another medical implement that has crossed over as a sex toy. Doctors use sounds to locate obstructions such as scar tissue in the urethra. These smooth, slender rods of stainless steel are inserted into the urethra to stretch it gently, reducing obstructions and allowing free flow of urine. Some people use urethral sounds as sex toys.

If this rather painful-sounding description is making you wonder why anyone would do this, its good to remember that when its done carefully it can be a lot of fun. The insertion of the cool steel rod and the gentle stretching of the urethra can feel good. And, what is most relevant to us here: once youre in deeper than the base of the penis, its possible to gently guide the tip of the sound through the portion of the urethra running through the center of the prostate.

Some who have experienced this describe a wave of pleasure that comes over them when the tip is in contact with the prostate. At that depth, subtle (we mean really subtle!) movements of the sound can be felt in the prostate, with great pleasure. Some recommend rotating the sound—how much you can do this depends on the shape of the sound—or gently tapping the base to transmit vibrations, or slowly moving it in and out a bit. Any movement of the sound, whether during insertion, removal, or when stimulating any of your internal  parts, should be done very slowly and gently—it is easy to cause serious damage.

For erotic play, most guys use a set of sounds, starting with smaller ones and working up to larger sizes. The increasing size creates a stretching sensation in the urethra which many enjoy. Sounds come in a few different shapes—some gently curved, some straight. The urethra takes a gentle curve upward at the level of the prostate, but not as dramatically as portrayed in many anatomy diagrams. When a sound is fully inserted, the angle is about 55 degrees from the laid-out body (if a hard cock sticking straight up in the air is at 90 degrees). Interestingly, taking it out can feel a bit more daunting than inserting. To insert, you just allow the weight of the toy to do the work, whereas with the withdrawal, you are actively pulling outward, and you have to be careful of the angle so that you arent putting too much pressure downward toward the perineum. It is important never to force the sound and to gently follow the direction of the urethra.

Be warned that when you insert a sound, you are giving any bacteria on that metal rod a free ride deep into the urethra. It could result in a urinary tract infection, a bladder infection, or prostatitis, so use a careful and stringent sterilization method. Also, the metal is hard and heavy, so you must be very careful not to puncture your partner internally by pushing too hard. If you have a faint tinge of pink in your urine after using a sound, thats not likely to be an issue. However, if at any point you have large amounts of blood flowing out of the tip of the cock, get to an emergency room.

Urethral sounds are a very advanced type of prostate play  and require a lot of skill to be used safely. The best way to learn how to use them is with someone who has personal experience. At the very least, do your research—theres quite a bit of good information online. Weve described the basics, but youll need more to do it safely, so get the info you need first.

#  **TOY MATERIALS AND CLEANING**

Other than sounds, most toys you might use for prostate play are designed for anal use. There are a few basic tips you should know about taking care of them.

These days, many sex toys are made from high-quality, nonporous materials: stainless steel, borosilicate glass, silicone, hard plastic, intramed, and even sealed wood. Any of these toys can be washed with soap and water, and many of them can be disinfected in boiling water for five minutes, in the top rack of a dishwasher, or even in a 10 percent bleach solution for 15 minutes. (Wash the bleach off afterward.) Check the information that comes with your toy.

Certain materials are somewhat porous. Jelly rubber, soft plastic, vinyl, PVC, elastomer, and silicone blends generally cant be boiled without melting and they often develop small pockets in the surface which can trap bacteria. Since cleanliness is more of an issue for anal play than some other types of sex, its a good idea to cover these toys with a condom—then you can just take off the condom and rinse off the lubricant. Be sure to roll the condom all the way over the base to ensure that the entire toy is covered.