Input:
 Prompt: Write a detailed section for a book about dominant women and sexual activities. The section should discuss how being a dominant woman doesn't necessarily involve sexual acts, but many people prefer sex and kink as a package deal. Address the cultural value that being dominant equals being the penetrator and how to play with this idea.

The section should then provide examples of sexual activities that can be done in a dominant way, such as cunnilingus, fellatio, intercourse, anal play, and chastity. For each activity, provide tips and advice on how to perform them in a dominant manner.

For cunnilingus, suggest making the partner earn their orgasm by giving the dominant one or more orgasms first. For fellatio, remind the reader that fellatio involves putting sharp teeth on sensitive parts. For intercourse, suggest positions that work with the partner in bondage. For anal play, provide advice on using items that widen at the bottom to prevent them from getting lost, and stress the importance of relaxation and starting slow. For chastity, suggest controlling the partner's orgasms through a verbal agreement or a chastity device.

The section should also discuss energy sex and provide resources for further learning, such as books and workshops.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Fundamentals: Sex

Of course, being a dominant woman doesnt necessarily involve anyones sexual bits - but many people prefer sex and kink as a package deal.

One of the issues youll have to contend with is our broadly held cultural value that being dominant = being the penetrator. This belief is, of course, absurd. But when we do dominance, were working in the realm of stereotype and archetype - so youll need to figure out a way to play with it. Fortunately, any sex act can be done either by a dominant or a submissive.

Cunnilingus

The go-to activity for many female-dominant partnerships is, of course, cunnilingus. Cunnilingus is fun and fits well into almost all femdom repertoires. You can make your partner earn their orgasm by giving you one. Or three. Or seven....

* Throughout this chapter, Im going to assume that you and your partner(s) have made informed decisions about which sex acts require barriers and other safer-sex practices, and which dont. If you need more data to help you decide, www.cdc.gov/std has up-to-date information.

Fellatio

There are ways to practice dominant fellatio, too. Remember: Fellatio involves putting your very sharp teeth on very sensitive parts.

About Edging

"Edging" is a fairly recent word for a very ancient practice: bringing your partner to the edge of orgasm, then reducing the stimulus to where they cant quite topple over - again and again, until you have mercy on them. (This works best on people with penises; vulva orgasms function differently.)

Youll almost certainly need to have them in secure bondage to do this, and youll need to know their orgasmic pattern pretty well. What are their "tells," the voice or body signals that let you know theyre about to come? Use your hand or mouth or a toy to get them right up to the "tell" - then stop and do something else to them for a few minutes. Next time, push them a little further. Lather, rinse, repeat.

When you decide theyve had enough, or when they safe word, keep the stimulation going until they finally have an orgasm. This might actually be painful after so many near misses, so treat them the way you would after a pain scene, with plenty of nurturing aftercare.

Edging requires your best observational and sexual skills, but its totally worth it.

Intercourse

Dominant intercourse for a vagina owner requires a bit of creativity, but it can definitely be done. What positions might work with your partner in bondage? Think about them standing at the edge of the bed with their hands and feet tied, as you lie back with your feet braced against their chest. Or put them on their back, well tied, while you ride them. Or order them to fuck you without coming themselves.

Anal

If you feel like being the penetrator tonight, thats fun too. Use only items that widen at the bottom to prevent their getting lost. You can use a harness and dildo to have your own dick (see following page), or you can use your fingers or a plug. Youll want a towel or disposable underpad covering your play area.

_No surprises!_ For any kind of anal play, especially with a beginner, relaxation is critical. Make sure theyre warm and comfortable, and begin by massaging the whole area around their anus, in a soothing and gentle way. Then try just pressing in with the tip of your index finger.

* If your nails arent short and smooth, put cotton balls in the fingers of a latex or nitrile glove to make sure nobody gets hurt.

Strap-Ons and Pegging

If youve never tried wearing an add-on dick to penetrate a partner, you owe it to yourself. Many women find it the gateway to a bold new persona.

Harnesses come in various shapes and materials. You want something that fits you snugly but comfortably, and that has a sturdy O-ring to hold the dildo in place. If money is a consideration, I suggest starting with an inexpensive model made from synthetic fabric, and going for a pricier one after you know more about what feels good on your body. (If youre really broke, try what lesbians used for years: snug but button-front jeans with the middle couple of buttons open to accommodate your dick.)

If youre penetrating anally, youll need time and lube - time to stretch them gradually, one finger at a time, until they can take three fingers, plus more lube than you ever thought youd need (theres almost no such thing as too much lube). Vaginal penetration works best with some lube and lots of foreplay.

Be sure to slip a condom over the dildo - the dildo doesnt mind and it makes cleanup a lot easier.

If your partner is new to being anally penetrated, start small and go slow - maybe just one finger at first. And for heavens sake use lots of lube. If your partner has a prostate, youll find it on the front wall of the rectum a few inches in - it feels like a soft walnut. Ask them to tell you when youve found it, and follow their lead about how much pressure feels good.

If they say something is burning or hurting, slow down and add more lube. Most people prefer silicone lube for anal play; it lasts much longer than other waterbased lubes. Thick oil is okay if you arent using latex.

Chastity

Every domme agrees: its much easier to get a horny person into a submissive mindset. Thus, its to our advantage to keep our partners as horny as possible.

Controlling their orgasms works nicely to make that happen. You can do that with a verbal agreement (if you trust them to tell the truth), or you can buy or make a chastity device to which you hold the key. If you get deeper into chastity, you can try "edging" (p. 82) without the orgasmic reward at the end. Youll be amazed how cooperative your partner becomes when theyre dependent on you to get off!

Energy Sex

Many people have learned to feel orgasmic energy throughout their whole bodies, rather than just in their genitals. Techniques for getting there include breathing, undulating the hips, rhythmically tightening the pelvic muscles, and gazing into a partners eyes.

Most cities have tantra instructors who specialize in helping people learn these techniques. However, a lot of tantra classes are not accepting of femdom energy, so do some homework before you sign up for anything. You can buy good, gender-affirming, kink-positive books about energy sex.

If You Want to Go Further...

Annie Sprinkles Explorers Guide to Planet Orgasm offers insights and instructions for all kinds of orgasms, including energy orgasms.

Urban Tantra, by Barbara Carrellas, teaches tantra techniques for people of all genders and orientations. Barbara and her colleagues also teach Urban Tantra workshops.

The Toybag Guide to Chastity Play, by Mistress Simone, a longtime lifestyle dominant, is a handy guidebook to controlling your partners orgasms.

Response:
**_FUNDAMENTALS: SEX_**

OF COURSE, BEING A DOMINANT WOMAN DOESNT NECESSARILY INVOLVE ANYONES SEXUAL BITS - BUT MANY PEOPLE PREFER SEX AND KINK AS A PACKAGE DEAL.

ONE OF THE ISSUES YOULL HAVE TO CONTEND WITH IS OUR BROADLY HELD CULTURAL VALUE THAT BEING DOMINANT = BEING THE PENETRATOR.

THIS BELIEF IS, OF COURSE, ABSURD. BUT WHEN WE DO DOMINANCE, WERE WORKING IN THE REALM OF STEREOTYPE AND ARCHETYPE - SO YOULL NEED TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO PLAY WITH IT. FORTUNATELY, ANY SEX ACT CAN BE DONE EITHER BY A DOMINANT OR A SUBMISSIVE.

### **_CUNNILINGUS*_**

THE GO-TO ACTIVITY FOR MANY FEMALE-DOMINANT PARTNERSHIPS IS, OF COURSE, CUNNILINGUS. CUNNILINGUS IS FUN AND FITS WELL INTO ALMOST ALL FEMDOM REPERTOIRES. YOU CAN MAKE YOUR PARTNER EARN THEIR ORGASM BY GIVING YOU ONE. OR THREE. OR SEVEN....

* THROUGHOUT THIS CHAPTER, IM GOING TO ASSUME THAT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER(S) HAVE MADE INFORMED DECISIONS ABOUT WHICH SEX ACTS REQUIRE BARRIERS AND OTHER SAFER-SEX PRACTICES, AND WHICH DONT. IF YOU NEED MORE DATA TO HELP YOU DECIDE, WWW.CDC.GOV/STD HAS UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION.

### **_FELLATIO_**

THERE ARE WAYS TO PRACTICE DOMINANT FELLATIO, TOO. REMEMBER: FELLATIO INVOLVES PUTTING YOUR VERY SHARP TEETH ON VERY SENSITIVE PARTS.

### **_ABOUT EDGING_**

"EDGING" IS A FAIRLY RECENT WORD FOR A VERY ANCIENT PRACTICE: BRINGING YOUR PARTNER TO THE EDGE OF ORGASM, THEN REDUCING THE STIMULUS TO WHERE THEY CANT QUITE TOPPLE OVER - AGAIN AND AGAIN, UNTIL YOU HAVE MERCY ON THEM. (THIS WORKS BEST ON PEOPLE WITH PENISES; VULVA ORGASMS FUNCTION DIFFERENTLY.)

YOULL ALMOST CERTAINLY NEED TO HAVE THEM IN SECURE BONDAGE TO DO THIS, AND YOULL NEED TO KNOW THEIR ORGASMIC PATTERN PRETTY WELL. WHAT ARE THEIR "TELLS," THE VOICE OR BODY SIGNALS THAT LET YOU KNOW THEYRE ABOUT TO COME? USE YOUR HAND OR MOUTH OR A TOY TO GET THEM RIGHT UP TO THE "TELL" - THEN STOP AND DO SOMETHING ELSE TO THEM FOR A FEW MINUTES. NEXT TIME, PUSH THEM A LITTLE FURTHER. LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT.

WHEN YOU DECIDE THEYVE HAD ENOUGH, OR WHEN THEY SAFEWORD, KEEP THE STIMULATION GOING UNTIL THEY FINALLY HAVE AN ORGASM. THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE PAINFUL AFTER SO MANY NEAR MISSES, SO TREAT THEM THE WAY YOU WOULD AFTER A PAIN SCENE, WITH PLENTY OF NURTURING AFTERCARE.

EDGING REQUIRES YOUR BEST OBSERVATIONAL AND SEXUAL SKILLS, BUT ITS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

### **_INTERCOURSE_**

DOMINANT INTERCOURSE FOR A VAGINA OWNER REQUIRES A BIT OF CREATIVITY, BUT IT CAN DEFINITELY BE DONE. WHAT POSITIONS MIGHT WORK WITH YOUR PARTNER IN BONDAGE? THINK ABOUT THEM STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE BED WITH THEIR HANDS AND FEET TIED, AS YOU LIE BACK WITH YOUR FEET BRACED AGAINST THEIR CHEST. OR PUT THEM ON THEIR BACK, WELL TIED, WHILE YOU RIDE THEM. OR ORDER THEM TO FUCK YOU WITHOUT COMING THEMSELVES.

### **_ANAL_**

IF YOU FEEL LIKE BEING THE PENETRATOR TONIGHT, THATS FUN TOO. USE ONLY ITEMS THAT WIDEN AT THE BOTTOM TO PREVENT THEIR GETTING LOST. YOU CAN USE A HARNESS AND DILDO TO HAVE YOUR OWN DICK (SEE FOLLOWING PAGE), OR YOU CAN USE YOUR FINGERS OR A PLUG. YOULL WANT A TOWEL OR DISPOSABLE UNDERPAD COVERING YOUR PLAY AREA.

_NO SURPRISES!_ FOR ANY KIND OF ANAL PLAY, ESPECALLY WITH A BEGINNER, RELAXATION IS CRITICAL. MAKE SURE THEYRE WARM AND COMFORTABLE, AND BEGIN BY MASSAGING THE WHOLE AREA AROUND THEIR ANUS, IN A SOOTHING AND GENTLE WAY. THEN TRY JUST PRESSING IN WITH THE TIP OF YOUR INDEX FINGER.*

* IF YOUR NAILS ARENT SHORT AND SMOOTH, PUT COTTON BALLS IN THE FINGERS OF A LATEX OR NITRILE GLOVE TO MAKE SURE NOBODY GETS HURT.

### **_STRAP-ONS AND PEGGING_**

IF YOUVE NEVER TRIED WEARING AN ADD-ON DICK TO PENETRATE A PARTNER, YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF. MANY WOMEN FIND IT THE GATEWAY TO A BOLD NEW PERSONA.

HARNESSES COME IN VARIOUS SHAPES AND MATERIALS. YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT FITS YOU SNUGLY BUT COMFORTABLY, AND THAT HAS A STURDY O-RING TO HOLD THE DILDO IN PLACE. IF MONEY IS A CONSIDERATION, I SUGGEST STARTING WITH AN INEXPENSIVE MODEL MADE FROM SYNTHETIC FABRIC, AND GOING FOR A PRICIER ONE AFTER YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT FEELS GOOD ON YOUR BODY. (IF YOURE _REALLY_ BROKE, TRY WHAT LESBIANS USED FOR YEARS: SNUG BUTTON-FRONT JEANS WITH THE MIDDLE COUPLE OF BUTTONS OPEN TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR DICK.)

IF YOURE PENETRATING ANALLY, YOULL NEED TIME AND LUBE - TIME TO STRETCH THEM GRADUALLY, ONE FINGER AT A TIME, UNTIL THEY CAN TAKE THREE FINGERS, PLUS MORE LUBE THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT YOUD NEED (THERES ALMOST NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH LUBE). VAGINAL PENETRATION WORKS BEST WITH SOME LUBE AND LOTS OF FOREPLAY.

BE SURE TO SLIP A CONDOM OVER THE DILDO - THE DILDO DOESNT MIND AND IT MAKES CLEANUP A LOT EASIER.

IF YOUR PARTNER IS NEW TO BEING ANALLY PENETRATED, START _SMALL_ AND GO SLOW -MAYBE JUST ONE FINGER AT FIRST. AND FOR HEAVENS SAKE USE _LOTS_ OF LUBE. IF YOUR PARTNER HAS A PROSTATE*, YOULL FIND IT ON THE FRONT WALL OF THE RECTUM A FEW INCHES IN - IT FEELS LIKE A SOFT WALNUT. ASK THEM TO TELL YOU WHEN YOUVE FOUND IT, AND FOLLOW THEIR LEAD ABOUT HOW MUCH PRESSURE FEELS GOOD.

IF THEY SAY SOMETHING IS BURNING OR HURTING, SLOW DOWN AND ADD MORE LUBE. MOST PEOPLE PREFER SILICONE LUBE FOR ANAL PLAY; IT LASTS MUCH LONGER THAN OTHER WATERBASED LUBES. THICK OIL IS OKAY IF YOU ARENT USING LATEX.

ONCE THEY CAN EASILY TAKE THREE OF YOUR FINGERS, YOU CAN EASE THE TOY IN, WITH PLENTY OF ATTENTION TO BODY LANGUAGE. REMEMBER TO APPLY MORE LUBE OFTEN, BOTH TO THE TOY/FINGERS AND TO THE ANUS.

* A SMALL GLAND THAT PRODUCES THE FLUID IN WHICH SPERM SWIM. MOST BUT NOT ALL PROSTATE OWNERS FIND PRESSURE THERE SEXY.

### **_CHASTITY_**

EVERY DOMME AGREES: ITS MUCH EASIER TO GET A HORNY PERSON INTO A SUBMISSIVE MINDSET. THUS, ITS TO OUR ADVANTAGE TO KEEP OUR PARTNERS AS HORNY AS POSSIBLE.

CONTROLLING THEIR ORGASMS WORKS NICELY TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. YOU CAN DO THAT WITH A VERBAL AGREEMENT (IF YOU TRUST THEM TO TELL THE TRUTH), OR YOU CAN BUY OR MAKE A CHASTITY DEVICE TO WHICH YOU HOLD THE KEY. IF YOU GET DEEPER INTO CHASTITY, YOU CAN TRY "EDGING" (P. 82) WITHOUT THE ORGASMIC REWARD AT THE END. YOULL BE AMAZED HOW COOPERATIVE YOUR PARTNER BECOMES WHEN THEYRE DEPENDENT ON YOU TO GET OFF!

### **_ENERGY SEX_**

MANY PEOPLE HAVE LEARNED TO FEEL ORGASMIC ENERGY THROUGHOUT THEIR WHOLE BODIES, RATHER THAN JUST IN THEIR GENITALS. TECHNIQUES FOR GETTING THERE INCLUDE BREATHING, UNDULATING THE HIPS, RHYTHMICALLY TIGHTENING THE PELVIC MUSCLES, AND GAZING INTO A PARTNERS EYES.

MOST CITIES HAVE TANTRA INSTRUCTORS WHO SPECIALIZE IN HELPING PEOPLE LEARN THESE TECHNIQUES. HOWEVER, A LOT OF TANTRA CLASSES ARE NOT ACCEPTING OF FEMALEDOMINANT ENERGY, SO DO SOME HOMEWORK BEFORE YOU SIGN UP FOR ANYTHING. YOU CAN BUY GOOD, GENDERAFFIRMING, KINK-POSITIVE BOOKS ABOUT ENERGY SEX.

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

ANNIE SPRINKLES _EXPLORERS GUIDE TO PLANET ORGASM_ OFFERS INSIGHTS AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR ALL KINDS OF ORGASMS, INCLUDING ENERGY ORGASMS.

_URBAN TANTRA,_ BY BARBARA CARRELLAS, TEACHES TANTRA TECHNIQUES FOR PEOPLE OF ALL GENDERS AND ORIENTATIONS. BARBARA AND HER COLLEAGUES ALSO TEACH URBAN TANTRA WORKSHOPS.

_THE TOYBAG GUIDE TO CHASTITY PLAY,_ BY MISTRESS SIMONE, A LONGTIME LIFESTYLE DOMINANT, IS A HANDY GUIDEBOOK TO CONTROLLING YOUR PARTNERS ORGASMS.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about dominant women and fetishes. The section should discuss the common misconception that having a fetish means the fetishist is unable to get turned on without the presence of the fetish object. Instead, the fetish is the "chocolate sauce that turns plain ice cream into a yummy sundae".

The section should then list some common fetishes in kink-land, such as leather and rubber, and provide tips on how to incorporate them into everyday wardrobe. It should also mention other common clothing fetishes, such as lingerie, corsets, stockings, spandex, and fur.

For the section on footwear, suggest that high-heeled shoes and boots are a fetish for a huge number of submissives. If the dominant is not accustomed to wearing high heels, suggest setting up the scene to involve a lot of sitting or making the submissive wear the heels.

The section should also discuss crossdressing and "forced feminization", and explain the desire behind this kink as a mixture of humiliation and safety. It should mention that few people who grow up male ever get the chance to be the objects of visual lust, and that having this kink does not necessarily mean that they are trans.

Finally, the section should provide resources for further learning about fetishes, such as books and websites.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Fundamentals: Fetish

Many people believe that having a fetish means the fetishist is unable to get turned on without the presence of the fetish object. In my experience, this is rarely true: the fetish is the chocolate sauce that turns plain ice cream into a yummy sundae.

The commonest fetish in kink-land is leather, with rubber a close second.

Leather is pretty easy to build into your everyday wardrobe if you have the cash (if not, haunt your local thrift stores). Rubber or latex may get you stared at, but maybe youll like that.

Other common clothing fetishes include lingerie, corsets, stockings, spandex and fur.

You probably already know that high-heeled shoes and boots are a fetish for a huge number of submissives. If youre not accustomed to wearing high heels, I suggest you set up your scene to involve a lot of sitting on your part. Or make them wear the heels.

Crossdressing and "Forced Feminization"

The desire to be "made" to crossdress is so common that many professional dominatrices maintain special rooms full of wigs, plus-sized heels and lingerie.

The desire behind this kink seems to be a mixture of humiliation and safety. Being made to be "feminine" is on one hand a reduction in status, and on the other an escape from the demands our culture still places on men to be strong, stoic and emotionally closed off.

Its also worth remembering that few people who grow up male ever get the chance to be the objects of visual lust. The only outlet many have for their desire to look sexy is to wear the clothes of a different gender.

Having this kink doesnt necessarily mean that theyre trans. It doesnt necessarily mean that they arent, either.

Feminization has many of the same vulnerabilities as age play (see p. 73). Treat your new "girlfriend" with care.

* Few if any forced-feminization kinksters actually believe women to be of lower status. Remember, when we do kink, were playing in the realm of stereotype and archetype, not reality.

Some submissives will want to "worship" parts of you and/or your outfit. That means that they will devote themselves to it by licking it, kissing it, bathing it, polishing it, caressing it, etc.

If theyre smart, theyll make sure you dont feel left out of this process. Many dommes complain of subs who get so focused on worshiping feet, for example, that they forget a woman exists above the knees. A skilled massage or pedicure should feel good to you too.

If You Want to Go Further...

Fetish: Fashion, Sex & Power, by Valerie Steele - A thorough overview of fetishes and their histories.

The Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship, by Midori - Everything you need for pleasure below the ankles.

Design Behind Desire: The Sensuous Textures of Wanting, by Lisa Z. Morgan, is a stunning coffee table tribute to fetish.

Response:
**_FUNDAMENTALS: FETISH_**

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT HAVING A FETISH MEANS THE FETISHIST IS UNABLE TO GET TURNED ON WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF THE FETISH OBJECT. IN MY EXPERIENCE, THIS IS RARELY TRUE: THE FETISH IS THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE THAT TURNS PLAIN ICE CREAM INTO A YUMMY SUNDAE.

THE COMMONEST FETISH IN KINK-LAND IS LEATHER, WITH RUBBER A CLOSE SECOND.

LEATHER IS PRETTY EASY TO BUILD INTO YOUR EVERYDAY WARDROBE IF YOU HAVE THE CASH (IF NOT, HAUNT YOUR LOCAL THRIFT STORES). RUBBER OR LATEX MAY GET YOU STARED AT, BUT MAYBE YOULL LIKE THAT.

OTHER COMMON CLOTHING FETISHES INCLUDE LINGERIE, CORSETS, STOCKINGS, SPANDEX AND FUR.

YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THAT HIGH-HEELED SHOES AND BOOTS ARE A FETISH FOR A HUGE NUMBER OF SUBMISSIVES. IF YOURE NOT ACCUSTOMED TO WEARING HIGH HEELS, I SUGGEST YOU SET UP YOUR SCENE TO INVOLVE A LOT OF SITTING ON YOUR PART. OR MAKE _THEM_ WEAR THE HEELS.

### **_CROSSDRESSING AND "FORCED FEMINIZATION"_**

THE DESIRE TO BE "MADE" TO CROSSDRESS IS SO COMMON THAT MANY PROFESSIONAL DOMINATRIXES MAINTAIN SPECIAL ROOMS FULL OF WIGS, PLUS-SIZED HEELS AND LINGERIE.

THE DESIRE BEHIND THIS KINK SEEMS TO BE A MIXTURE OF HUMILIATION AND SAFETY. BEING MADE TO BE "FEMININE" IS ON ONE HAND A REDUCTION IN STATUS*, AND ON THE OTHER AN ESCAPE FROM THE DEMANDS OUR CULTURE STILL PLACES ON MEN TO BE STRONG, STOIC AND EMOTIONALLY CLOSED OFF.

ITS ALSO WORTH REMEMBERING THAT FEW PEOPLE WHO GROW UP MALE EVER GET THE CHANCE TO BE THE OBJECTS OF VISUAL LUST. THE ONLY OUTLET MANY HAVE FOR THEIR DESIRE TO LOOK SEXY IS TO WEAR THE CLOTHES OF A DIFFERENT GENDER.

HAVING THIS KINK DOESNT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT THEYRE TRANS. IT DOESNT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT THEY ARENT, EITHER.

FEMINIZATION HAS MANY OF THE SAME VULNERABILITIES AS AGE PLAY (SEE P. 73). TREAT YOUR NEW "GIRLFRIEND" WITH CARE.

* FEW IF ANY FORCED-FEMINIZATION KINKSTERS ACTUALLY BELIEVE WOMEN TO BE OF LOWER STATUS. REMEMBER, WHEN WE DO KINK, WERE PLAYING IN THE REALM OF STEREOTYPE AND ARCHETYPE, NOT REALITY.

SOME SUBMISSIVES WILL WANT TO "WORSHIP" PARTS OF YOU AND/OR YOUR OUTFIT. THAT MEANS THAT THEY WILL DEVOTE THEMSELVES TO IT BY LICKING IT, KISSING IT, BATHING IT, POLISHING IT, CARESSING IT, ETC.

IF THEYRE SMART, THEYLL MAKE SURE _YOU_ DONT FEEL LEFT OUT OF THIS PROCESS. MANY DOMMES COMPLAIN OF SUBS WHO GET SO FOCUSED ON WORSHIPING FEET, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT THEY FORGET A WOMAN EXISTS ABOVE THE KNEES. A SKILLED MASSAGE OR PEDICURE SHOULD FEEL GOOD TO YOU TOO.

### **_IF YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER..._**

_FETISH: FASHION, SEX & POWER,_ BY VALERIE STEELE - A THOROUGH OVERVIEW OF FETISHES AND THEIR HISTORIES.

_THE TOYBAG GUIDE TO FOOT AND SHOE WORSHIP,_ BY MIDORI - EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR PLEASURE BELOW THE ANKLES.

_DESIGN BEHIND DESIRE: THE SENSUOUS TEXTURES OF WANTING,_ BY LISA Z. MORGAN, IS A STUNNING COFFEETABLE TRIBUTE TO FETISH.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about dominant women and BDSM scenes. The section should discuss how to put together a start-to-finish scene, including the importance of communication between partners before the scene begins.

The section should provide suggestions for starting the scene with a few minutes of personal connection and explain the concept of using a symbol, such as a collar, to signify the beginning of the scene. It should also discuss how to get into the right headspace during the scene, including tips for dealing with "blank-paperitis" and pacing the scene.

The section should discuss the importance of aftercare and provide suggestions for activities that can be done during this period, such as cuddling and feeding each other. It should also mention that players should not try to do complex tasks, such as driving a car, for an hour or two after the scene.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Putting It All Together

Now that youve learned the basics, its time to begin assembling them into a start-to-finish scene. Ill suggest some possible scenarios to get you started in the next chapter.

The first thing you and your partner need to do is discuss what each of you wants out of your scene.

- What activities, feelings, fetishes, etc., does each of you need for the scene to feel complete?
- Are there any conflicts (A wants something that B doesnt feel excited about doing)?

 If so, what compromises might work?

- How will you let each other know if you need to stop?
- What precautions do you need to take against emergencies, unplanned interruptions, freakouts?

This is also a good time to arrange to talk to each other the next day to discuss how things went. Ideally, this should be a face-to-face meeting, but phone or email will do in a pinch.

Beginning Your Scene

I suggest starting your scene with a few minutes of personal connection. If youre using a symbol like a collar, put it on your partner as part of a solemn ritual. If not, connect with one another through physical touch, eyegazing, breathing together, or whatever other structure pulls you out of the outside world and into the protected world of your scene.

Having trouble feeling your dominance? Some folks have a particular activity that always makes them feel dominant. For example, if your scene includes sex, having your partner do something to arouse you can help you get into the right headspace.

During the scene, if you get stuck about what to do next - some people call this "blank-paperitis" - just stop. Take a moment to find your breath and be still. Touch your partner if that feels right. The next thing to do will nearly always come to you.

Pace your scene: time goes faster inside the ropes than outside, and waiting can be delicious.

Many dommes find what works best is for intensity to come in waves: you challenge them with something difficult, then back off, then ramp things up a bit higher, then back off again. Plan your scene so the end comes after peak intensity: a certain number of strokes, a particularly difficult task, etc. Many subs find it easier to manage that peak if they know it signals the end of the scene.

The period after the scene is for aftercare, when you and your partner care for one another and provide nurturance. Cuddling is awesome for this, as is feeding each other - intense play can dehydrate and reduce blood sugar, so have drinks and snacks on hand.

Dont skimp on aftercare - many players find it the most rewarding part of the scene. (A few subs dont want it at all. Talk about this during your negotiation.)

Neither of you should try to drive a car, or do any other complex task, for an hour or two. Whether it feels that way or not, youre both still in an altered state. Relax and enjoy it.

Response:
**_PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER_**

NOW THAT YOUVE LEARNED THE BASICS, ITS TIME TO BEGIN ASSEMBLING THEM INTO A START-TO-FINISH SCENE. ILL SUGGEST SOME POSSIBLE SCENARIOS TO GET YOU STARTED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.

THE FIRST THING YOU AND YOUR PARTNER NEED TO DO IS DISCUSS WHAT EACH OF YOU WANTS OUT OF YOUR SCENE.

\- WHAT ACTIVITIES, FEELINGS, FETISHES, ETC., DOES EACH OF YOU NEED FOR THE SCENE TO FEEL COMPLETE?

\- ARE THERE ANY CONFLICTS (A WANTS SOMETHING THAT B DOESNT FEEL EXCITED ABOUT DOING)?
IF SO, WHAT COMPROMISES MIGHT WORK?

\- HOW WILL YOU LET EACH OTHER KNOW IF YOU NEED TO STOP?

\- WHAT PRECAUTIONS DO YOU NEED TO TAKE AGAINST EMERGENCIES, UNPLANNED INTERRUPTIONS, FREAKOUTS?

\- THIS IS ALSO A GOOD TIME TO ARRANGE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER THE NEXT DAY TO DISCUSS HOW THINGS WENT. IDEALLY, THIS SHOULD BE A FACE-TO-FACE MEETING, BUT PHONE OR EMAIL WILL DO IN A PINCH.

### **_BEGINNING YOUR SCENE_**

I SUGGEST STARTING YOUR SCENE WITH A FEW MINUTES OF PERSONAL CONNECTION. IF YOURE USING A SYMBOL LIKE A COLLAR, PUT IT ON YOUR PARTNER AS PART OF A SOLEMN RITUAL. IF NOT, CONNECT WITH ONE ANOTHER THROUGH PHYSICAL TOUCH, EYEGAZING, BREATHING TOGETHER, OR WHATEVER OTHER STRUCTURE PULLS YOU OUT OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND INTO THE PROTECTED WORLD OF YOUR SCENE.

HAVING TROUBLE FEELING YOUR DOMINANCE? SOME FOLKS HAVE A PARTICULAR ACTIVITY THAT ALWAYS MAKES THEM FEEL DOMINANT. FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOUR SCENE INCLUDES SEX, HAVING YOUR PARTNER DO SOMETHING TO AROUSE YOU CAN HELP YOU GET INTO THE RIGHT HEADSPACE.

DURING THE SCENE, IF YOU GET STUCK ABOUT WHAT TO DO NEXT - SOME PEOPLE CALL THIS BLANK-PAPERITIS - JUST STOP. TAKE A MOMENT TO FIND YOUR BREATH AND BE STILL. TOUCH YOUR PARTNER IF THAT FEELS RIGHT. THE NEXT THING TO DO WILL NEARLY ALWAYS COME TO YOU.

PACE YOUR SCENE: TIME GOES FASTER INSIDE THE ROPES THAN OUTSIDE, AND WAITING CAN BE DELICIOUS.

MANY DOMMES FIND WHAT WORKS BEST IS FOR INTENSITY TO COME IN WAVES: YOU CHALLENGE THEM WITH SOMETHING DIFFICULT, THEN BACK OFF, THEN RAMP THINGS UP A BIT HIGHER, THEN BACK OFF AGAIN. PLAN YOUR SCENE SO THE END COMES AFTER PEAK INTENSITY: A CERTAIN NUMBER OF STROKES, A PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT TASK, ETC. MANY SUBS FIND IT EASIER TO MANAGE THAT PEAK IF THEY KNOW IT SIGNALS THE END OF THE SCENE.

THE PERIOD AFTER THE SCENE IS FOR AFTERCARE, WHEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CARE FOR ONE ANOTHER AND PROVIDE NURTURANCE. CUDDLING IS AWESOME FOR THIS, AS IS FEEDING EACH OTHER - INTENSE PLAY CAN DEHYDRATE AND REDUCE BLOOD SUGAR, SO HAVE DRINKS AND SNACKS ON HAND.

DONT SKIMP ON AFTERCARE - MANY PLAYERS FIND IT THE MOST REWARDING PART OF THE SCENE. (A FEW SUBS DONT WANT IT AT ALL. TALK ABOUT THIS DURING YOUR NEGOTIATION.)

NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD TRY TO DRIVE A CAR, OR DO ANY OTHER COMPLEX TASK, FOR AN HOUR OR TWO. WHETHER IT FEELS THAT WAY OR NOT, YOURE BOTH STILL IN AN ALTERED STATE. RELAX AND ENJOY IT.


Input:
 Prompt: Write a section for a book about dominant women and BDSM scenes. The section should discuss three sample scenes that might be suitable for a first scene between a dominant woman and her partner. One scene should be primarily about bondage, one should be primarily about sensation, and one should be primarily about control. The scenes should include general principles for the first scene, such as discussing everything beforehand, ramping up slowly, checking in often, and allowing plenty of time for aftercare.

Here is a possible response to the prompt:

Scenes to Get You Started

Here are three scenes that might be suitable to do as your and your partner's first scene together. One is primarily about bondage, one is primarily about sensation, and one is primarily about control. They're not intended as hard-and-fast scripts, but as inspiration to help you create a scene of your own.

The most important thing about this first scene isn't that it should be the most phenomenally fulfilling scene ever in the history of kink. What's far more important is that it not go badly - it's easier to do a little more next time than it is to recover from a mishap.

General Principles

- Discuss everything you're about to do with your partner beforehand - you can read this chapter together, if you like. Give them a chance to voice any concerns or objections, and take those concerns seriously, revising your plan as needed.

- If you start something and it doesn't seem like it's working, stop. Take a moment to reconnect with your partner. Then decide together whether to try something different, or end the scene there and try another day.

- Ramp up slowly. No zero-to-sixty stuff.

- Check in often with your partner - it's fine to ask something like, "Are you still with me?" or "On a scale of one to ten, how intense is that for you?" It's also fine to ask them what intensity they want, using the same one-to-ten scale.

- Choose a safeword because it's a good habit to get into. But at least for your first several scenes, anything that sounds like resistance -

"No," "Please," "Stop" and so on - means that you should stop and investigate what's going on.

- Don't try too many new things at once. If you do a first session that includes two things you've never done before, that's plenty. One is even better - that way if something does go wrong, you'll know what caused it.

- Allow plenty of time for aftercare, and check in with each other the next day to see how you feel. Be prepared for one or both of you to feel a bit teary, tired or emotionally off-balance; that happens to everyone, at least sometimes. Take care of yourself and each other with plenty of reassurance and physical nurturing.

- For the purposes of this book, I'm going to assume that sex is a possibility for the two of you. If not, figure out another activity that you can use as a reward - some tender touches, feeding them something tasty, whatever.

- You did it! Even if the scene felt timid and beginner-y to you, that's great - you can always add a bit more next time. Congratulate yourself and them!

A First Bondage Scene

Take a few minutes to connect with your partner. Using eye contact and/or soft touch, let go of outside concerns so that both of you can become as present as you can be.

I'm going to start by explaining how to make a basic rope body harness.* A harness shouldn't impede their movement at all; some rope-lovers like to wear one under their clothes on occasion. The pictures opposite should give you an idea of what you're going for.

Start by draping a 40' rope around their necks so the ends dangle down their chests to the floor.

Make one simple overhand knot or square knot with both ropes at the middle of their chest. Make a second one at about their navel. Make the third at around their groin. Bring the ends between their legs to either side of their groin.

* For reasons of length, I can't show you step-by-step drawings of how to do this harness. Give yourself permission to be a beginner, and try not to get frustrated. If you really feel stuck, ask your partner or a friend to work on it with you, and/or refer to one or more of the books on p. 46 and in the resource guide.

Bring the ends up to the rope behind their neck, make a larkshead over the rope, and tie it off with a square knot.

Separate the two ends and bring them under your partner's arms to the front. Pass each end around one of the ropes between the first two knots.

Bring the ends around to the back, pulling the ropes apart into a diamond shape. Cross the ends into an X at their midback, bring them back to the front and pass each end around one of the ropes between the second and third knot.

Complete the harness by bringing the ends back around and tying them off in a square knot at your partner's back.

In future sessions, you can add more knots and more diamonds for a more complex harness. You can also tie their hands or feet to the harness, or attach it to an inanimate object like a post or bed frame.

Getting the harness on and looking good might take a while. Ask your partner to describe what they're feeling. Enjoy the journey without getting hung up on the destination.

That's probably enough for a first session - go on to some sensation or control play, or to sex if that's the way you roll. In future sessions, you can attach their hands or feet to the harness, or use it to anchor them to a bed, post or other attachment point.

A First Sensation Scene

The most popular form of sensation play for many players is spanking, so this first scene is about that. Talk to your partner first about any history they may have had with being spanked punitively or nonconsensually. If spanking is a trigger for them (or you), try some clamps (p. 56) or wax (p. 57) instead.

Is this spanking because they've been "bad" or because they've been "good"? Find out where their head is at on this question before you begin. It will affect both the spanking itself and the words you say while you give it.

Take a few minutes to connect with your partner. Using eye contact and/or soft touch, let go of outside concerns so that both of you can become as present as you can be.

Then have your partner lie face down on a bed, massage table, or a well-padded floor. Put a couple of pillows under their hips if that feels more comfortable.

Caress their bottom gently for a bit. Very gradually, begin adding small smacks - hardly more than lovetaps at first - into your caresses.

Build gradually to where your smacks make a slapping sound. Pause after every few smacks to caress a bit more.

What makes impact play intense is less about how hard you hit and more about how fast you hit. Start slow and build gradually.

Depending on the flavor of spanking you agreed on, tell them how wonderful they are or how naughty they've been. If you notice them tensing up or seeming unhappy, slow down and use softer smacks, and just tell them how wonderful they are.

For the last sequence of a dozen smacks, tell them they get to control them. They will ask for each smack using a number from one (hardly noticeable) to ten (as hard as you're willing to hit). Let them count the smacks off for themselves.

Finish by giving them a big hug and congratulations.
Proceed from there into cuddling and aftercare, and to sex if you want.

A First Control Scene

In this scene, you won't be doing any sensation or bondage at all, just controlling their movement and behavior.

Take a few minutes to connect with your partner. Using eye contact and/or soft touch, let go of outside concerns so that both of you can become as present as you can be.

Then, instruct them to kneel in front of you. They might want a cushion under their knees and/or a rolled-up towel supporting their ankles.

Spend some time fussing over teaching them exactly the kneeling position you like. Should their eyes be up, or cast down at the floor? How straight should their back be? Where should their hands be? How far apart are their knees? Are their toes tucked up under the balls of their feet, or extended backward onto the floor? Use your pickiness to extend the experience as long as their knees hold out.

When you're satisfied, allow them to break position and move into something more comfortable like sitting. Pull up a chair in front of them and instruct them to rub your feet. (You may want to have a little massage oil on hand for this.)

Use the same fussiness you used before to teach them how to rub your feet exactly how you like. How hard or soft? Any parts that don't like to be touched? How does it feel when they pull on your toes?

Spend enough time on this that your feet feel terrific by the time it's through.

Let them rise up to a standing position. Give them a big hug and tell them that they learned a lot about how to please you and you're very proud of them.

Then move on to whatever comes next: aftercare and/or cuddling and/or sex.

Response:
**_SCENES TO GET YOU STARTED_**

HERE ARE THREE SCENES THAT MIGHT BE SUITABLE TO DO AS YOUR AND YOUR PARTNERS FIRST SCENE TOGETHER. ONE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT BONDAGE, ONE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT SENSATION, AND ONE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT CONTROL. THEYRE NOT INTENDED AS HARD-AND-FAST SCRIPTS, BUT AS INSPIRATION TO HELP YOU CREATE A SCENE OF YOUR OWN.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THIS FIRST SCENE ISNT THAT IT SHOULD BE THE MOST PHENOMENALLY FULFILLING SCENE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF KINK. WHATS FAR MORE IMPORTANT IS THAT IT NOT GO BADLY - ITS EASIER TO DO A LITTLE MORE NEXT TIME THAN IT IS TO RECOVER FROM A MISHAP.

### **_GENERAL PRINCIPLES_**

\- DISCUSS EVERYTHING YOURE ABOUT TO DO WITH YOUR PARTNER BEFOREHAND - YOU CAN READ THIS CHAPTER TOGETHER, IF YOU LIKE. GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO VOICE ANY CONCERNS OR OBJECTIONS, AND TAKE THOSE CONCERNS SERIOUSLY, REVISING YOUR PLAN AS NEEDED.

\- IF YOU START SOMETHING AND IT DOESNT SEEM LIKE ITS WORKING, STOP. TAKE A MOMENT TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER. THEN DECIDE TOGETHER WHETHER TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT, OR END THE SCENE THERE AND TRY ANOTHER DAY.

\- RAMP UP SLOWLY. NO ZERO-TO-SIXTY STUFF.

\- CHECK IN OFTEN WITH YOUR PARTNER - ITS FINE TO ASK SOMETHING LIKE, "ARE YOU STILL WITH ME?" OR "ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, HOW INTENSE IS THAT FOR YOU?" ITS ALSO FINE TO ASK THEM WHAT INTENSITY THEY WANT, USING THE SAME ONE-TO-TEN SCALE.

\- CHOOSE A SAFEWORD BECAUSE ITS A GOOD HABIT TO GET INTO. BUT AT LEAST FOR YOUR FIRST SEVERAL SCENES, ANYTHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE RESISTANCE -

"NO," "PLEASE," "STOP" AND SO ON - MEANS THAT YOU SHOULD STOP AND INVESTIGATE WHATS GOING ON.

\- DONT TRY TOO MANY NEW THINGS AT ONCE. IF YOU DO A FIRST SESSION THAT INCLUDES TWO THINGS YOUVE NEVER DONE BEFORE, THATS PLENTY. ONE IS EVEN BETTER - THAT WAY IF SOMETHING DOES GO WRONG, YOULL KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT.

\- ALLOW PLENTY OF TIME FOR AFTERCARE, AND CHECK IN WITH EACH OTHER THE NEXT DAY TO SEE HOW YOU FEEL. BE PREPARED FOR ONE OR BOTH OF YOU TO FEEL A BIT TEARY, TIRED OR EMOTIONALLY OFF-BALANCE; THAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE, AT LEAST SOMETIMES. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER WITH PLENTY OF REASSURANCE AND PHYSICAL NURTURING.

\- FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS BOOK, IM GOING TO ASSUME THAT SEX IS A POSSIBILITY FOR THE TWO OF YOU. IF NOT, FIGURE OUT ANOTHER ACTIVITY THAT YOU CAN USE AS A REWARD - SOME TENDER TOUCHES, FEEDING THEM SOMETHING TASTY, WHATEVER.

\- YOU DID IT! EVEN IF THE SCENE FELT TIMID AND BEGINNER-Y TO YOU, THATS GREAT - YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD A BIT MORE NEXT TIME. CONGRATULATE YOURSELF AND THEM!

### **_A FIRST BONDAGE SCENE_**

TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO CONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER. USING EYE CONTACT AND/OR SOFT TOUCH, LET GO OF OUTSIDE CONCERNS SO THAT BOTH OF YOU CAN BECOME AS PRESENT AS YOU CAN BE.

IM GOING TO START BY EXPLAINING HOW TO MAKE A BASIC ROPE BODY HARNESS.* A HARNESS SHOULDNT IMPEDE THEIR MOVEMENT AT ALL; SOME ROPE-LOVERS LIKE TO WEAR ONE UNDER THEIR CLOTHES ON OCCASION. THE PICTURES OPPOSITE SHOULD GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHAT YOURE GOING FOR.

START BY DRAPING A 40 ROPE AROUND THEIR NECKS SO THE ENDS DANGLE DOWN THEIR CHESTS TO THE FLOOR.

MAKE ONE SIMPLE OVERHAND KNOT OR SQUARE KNOT WITH BOTH ROPES AT THE MIDDLE OF THEIR CHEST. MAKE A SECOND ONE AT ABOUT THEIR NAVEL. MAKE THE THIRD AT AROUND THEIR GROIN. BRING THE ENDS BETWEEN THEIR LEGS TO EITHER SIDE OF THEIR GROIN.

* FOR REASONS OF LENGTH, I CANT SHOW YOU STEP-BY-STEP DRAWINGS OF HOW TO DO THIS HARNESS. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE A BEGINNER, AND TRY NOT TO GET FRUSTRATED. IF YOU REALLY FEEL STUCK, ASK YOUR PARTNER OR A FRIEND TO WORK ON IT WITH YOU, AND/OR REFER TO ONE OR MORE OF THE BOOKS ON P. 46 AND IN THE RESOURCE GUIDE.

BRING THE ENDS UP TO THE ROPE BEHIND THEIR NECK, MAKE A LARKSHEAD OVER THE ROPE, AND TIE IT OFF WITH A SQUARE KNOT.

SEPARATE THE TWO ENDS AND BRING THEM UNDER YOUR PARTNERS ARMS TO THE FRONT. PASS EACH END AROUND ONE OF THE ROPES BETWEEN THE FIRST TWO KNOTS.

BRING THE ENDS AROUND TO THE BACK, PULLING THE ROPES APART INTO A DIAMOND SHAPE. CROSS THE ENDS INTO AN X AT THEIR MIDBACK, BRING THEM BACK TO THE FRONT AND PASS EACH END AROUND ONE OF THE ROPES BETWEEN THE SECOND AND THIRD KNOT.

COMPLETE THE HARNESS BY BRINGING THE ENDS BACK AROUND AND TYING THEM OFF IN A SQUARE KNOT AT YOUR PARTNERS BACK.

IN FUTURE SESSIONS, YOU CAN ADD MORE KNOTS AND MORE DIAMONDS FOR A MORE COMPLEX HARNESS. YOU CAN ALSO TIE THEIR HANDS OR FEET TO THE HARNESS, OR ATTACH IT TO AN INANIMATE OBJECT LIKE A POST OR BED FRAME.

GETTING THE HARNESS ON AND LOOKING GOOD MIGHT TAKE A WHILE. ASK YOUR PARTNER TO DESCRIBE WHAT THEYRE FEELING. ENJOY THE JOURNEY WITHOUT GETTING HUNG UP ON THE DESTINATION.

THATS PROBABLY ENOUGH FOR A FIRST SESSION - GO ON TO SOME SENSATION OR CONTROL PLAY, OR TO SEX IF THATS THE WAY YOU ROLL. IN FUTURE SESSIONS, YOU CAN ATTACH THEIR HANDS OR FEET TO THE HARNESS, OR USE IT TO ANCHOR THEM TO A BED, POST OR OTHER ATTACHMENT POINT.

### **_A FIRST SENSATION SCENE_**

THE MOST POPULAR FORM OF SENSATION PLAY FOR MANY PLAYERS IS SPANKING, SO THIS FIRST SCENE IS ABOUT THAT. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER FIRST ABOUT ANY HISTORY THEY MAY HAVE HAD WITH BEING SPANKED PUNITIVELY OR NONCONSENSUALLY. IF SPANKING IS A TRIGGER FOR THEM (OR YOU), TRY SOME CLAMPS (P. 56) OR WAX (P. 57) INSTEAD.

IS THIS SPANKING BECAUSE THEYVE BEEN "BAD" OR BECAUSE THEYVE BEEN "GOOD"? FIND OUT WHERE THEIR HEAD IS AT ON THIS QUESTION BEFORE YOU BEGIN. IT WILL AFFECT BOTH THE SPANKING ITSELF AND THE WORDS YOU SAY WHILE YOU GIVE IT.

TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO CONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER. USING EYE CONTACT AND/OR SOFT TOUCH, LET GO OF OUTSIDE CONCERNS SO THAT BOTH OF YOU CAN BECOME AS PRESENT AS YOU CAN BE.

THEN HAVE YOUR PARTNER LIE FACE DOWN ON A BED, MASSAGE TABLE, OR A WELL-PADDED FLOOR. PUT A COUPLE OF PILLOWS UNDER THEIR HIPS IF THAT FEELS MORE COMFORTABLE.

CARESS THEIR BOTTOM GENTLY FOR A BIT. VERY GRADUALLY, BEGIN ADDING SMALL SMACKS - HARDLY MORE THAN LOVETAPS AT FIRST - INTO YOUR CARESSES.

BUILD GRADUALLY TO WHERE YOUR SMACKS MAKE A SLAPPING SOUND. PAUSE AFTER EVERY FEW SMACKS TO CARESS A BIT MORE.

WHAT MAKES IMPACT PLAY INTENSE IS LESS ABOUT HOW HARD YOU HIT AND MORE ABOUT HOW FAST YOU HIT. START SLOW AND BUILD GRADUALLY.

DEPENDING ON THE FLAVOR OF SPANKING YOU AGREED ON, TELL THEM HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE OR HOW NAUGHTY THEYVE BEEN. IF YOU NOTICE THEM TENSING UP OR SEEMING UNHAPPY, SLOW DOWN AND USE SOFTER SPANKS, AND JUST TELL THEM HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE.

FOR THE LAST SEQUENCE OF A DOZEN SPANKS, TELL THEM THEY GET TO CONTROL THEM. THEY WILL ASK FOR EACH SPANK USING A NUMBER FROM ONE (HARDLY NOTICEABLE) TO TEN (AS HARD AS YOURE WILLING TO HIT). LET THEM COUNT THE SPANKS OFF FOR THEMSELVES.

FINISH BY GIVING THEM A BIG HUG AND CONGRATULATIONS.
PROCEED FROM THERE INTO CUDDLING AND AFTERCARE, AND TO SEX IF YOU WANT.

### **_A FIRST CONTROL SCENE_**

IN THIS SCENE, YOU WONT BE DOING ANY SENSATION OR BONDAGE AT ALL, JUST CONTROLLING THEIR MOVEMENT AND BEHAVIOR.

TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO CONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER. USING EYE CONTACT AND/OR SOFT TOUCH, LET GO OF OUTSIDE CONCERNS SO THAT BOTH OF YOU CAN BECOME AS PRESENT AS YOU CAN BE.

THEN, INSTRUCT THEM TO KNEEL IN FRONT OF YOU. THEY MIGHT WANT A CUSHION UNDER THEIR KNEES AND/OR A ROLLED-UP TOWEL SUPPORTING THEIR ANKLES.

SPEND SOME TIME FUSSING OVER TEACHING THEM EXACTLY THE KNEELING POSITION YOU LIKE. SHOULD THEIR EYES BE UP, OR CAST DOWN AT THE FLOOR? HOW STRAIGHT SHOULD THEIR BACK BE? WHERE SHOULD THEIR HANDS BE? HOW FAR APART ARE THEIR KNEES? ARE THEIR TOES TUCKED UP UNDER THE BALLS OF THEIR FEET, OR EXTENDED BACKWARD ONTO THE FLOOR? USE YOUR PICKINESS TO EXTEND THE EXPERIENCE AS LONG AS THEIR KNEES HOLD OUT.

WHEN YOURE SATISFIED, ALLOW THEM TO BREAK POSITION AND MOVE INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE LIKE SITTING. PULL UP A CHAIR IN FRONT OF THEM AND INSTRUCT THEM TO RUB YOUR FEET. (YOU MAY WANT TO HAVE A LITTLE MASSAGE OIL ON HAND FOR THIS.)

USE THE SAME FUSSINESS YOU USED BEFORE TO TEACH THEM HOW TO RUB YOUR FEET EXACTLY HOW YOU LIKE. HOW HARD OR SOFT? ANY PARTS THAT DONT LIKE TO BE TOUCHED? HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN THEY PULL ON YOUR TOES?

SPEND ENOUGH TIME ON THIS THAT YOUR FEET FEEL TERRIFIC BY THE TIME ITS THROUGH.

LET THEM RISE UP TO A STANDING POSITION. GIVE THEM A BIG HUG AND TELL THEM THAT THEY LEARNED A LOT ABOUT HOW TO PLEASE YOU AND YOURE VERY PROUD OF THEM.

THEN MOVE ON TO WHATEVER COMES NEXT: AFTERCARE AND/OR CUDDLING AND/OR SEX.


Input: Prompt: Write a conclusion for a book about the basics of being a female dominant. Thank the reader for their time and attention, and encourage them to continue learning if they believe BDSM will be a significant part of their life. Provide guidance on where to find more information, friends and mentors in the scene, and potential partners interested in their type of play. Include a few resources to help solve any problems they may encounter as a dominant, and remind them to have fun throughout their journey.

Response:
**_THANK YOU!_**

I HOPE YOUVE ENJOYED READING AND LEARNING ABOUT THE BASICS OF BEING A FEMALE DOMINANT.

BECAUSE I WROTE THIS BOOK AS AN INTRODUCTION FOR BEGINNERS, I HAVE BEEN LIMITED IN HOW MUCH INFORMATION I CAN PROVIDE. IF YOU THINK BDSM IS GOING TO BE A SIGNIFICANT PART OF YOUR LIFE, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO GO ON LEARNING - FROM BOOKS, FROM EXPERTS, AND FROM OTHER PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

THE RESOURCE GUIDE ON THE FOLLOWING PAGES SHOULD GIVE YOU SOME IDEAS ABOUT WHERE TO FIND MORE INFORMATION, WHERE TO FIND FRIENDS AND MENTORS IN THE SCENE, AND HOW TO FIND PARTNERS INTERESTED IN THE KIND OF PLAY YOU WANT TO DO. IVE ALSO INCLUDED A FEW RESOURCES TO HELP YOU SOLVE PROBLEMS YOU MAY ENCOUNTER ALONG YOUR JOURNEY AS A DOMINANT.

THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION. AND DONT FORGET THE MOST ESSENTIAL ADVICE OF ALL:

### **_HAVE FUN!_**


Input: Prompt: Write a resource guide for a book about the basics of being a female dominant. This guide should include books on general kink topics, general sexuality, dealing with relationship issues, blogs and websites, and law and politics related to BDSM and sexual freedom. Provide specific titles and sources for each category. The guide should also mention the "If You Want to Go Further..." pages at the end of each chapter.

Response:
**RESOURCE GUIDE**

**_Please also check the "If You Want to Go Further..." pages at the end of each chapter._**

**_BOOKS_**

**_General kink titles_**

_Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples,_ Jack Morin, Ph.D. Down There Press, 2010. A thorough and well-researched guide to anal pleasure.

_The New Bottoming Book_ and _The New Topping Book_ , Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Greenery Press, 2001 & 2002\. Guides to your emotional safety and growth as you explore kink.

_Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring & Navigating the Kink and BDSM Communities._ Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams, Greenery Press, 2012. Invaluable instructions on finding and joining the BDSM/kink communities.

_Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism,_ Phillip Miller & Molly Devon. Mystic Rose Books, 1995. A classic.

_Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships,_ Stella Harris. Cleis Press, 2018. How to ask for what you want and communicate while youre getting it.

_The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge,_ Tristan Taormino. Cleis Press, 2002. Essays on the hows and whys of kink by experts nationwide.

**_General sexuality_**

_Girl Sex 101,_ Alison Moon. Lunatic Ink, 2017. Comprehensive and fun-to-read info about how to have sex with women (including trans women), and as a woman.

_The Guide to Getting It On: Unzipped,_ Paul Joannides, Ph.D. Goofy Foot Press, 2017. A terrific guide to all forms of sexual interaction, particularly useful to young adults.

_The New Male Sexuality: The Truth About Men, Sex, and Pleasure,_ Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. Bantam, 1999. How men are wired, and how women can tap into that wiring.

_Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving,_ Betty Dodson, Ph.D. Harmony Press, 1996. Great sex starts with great solo sex, and great solo sex for women starts with Betty Dodson.

**_Dealing with relationship issues_**

_The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love,_ Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. Ten Speed Press, 2017. Guidelines and ideas for exploring alternatives to traditional monogamy.

_The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships,_ Kathy Labriola. Greenery Press, 2013. Jealousy can affect any relationship. This workbook provides many worksheets that you can do, solo or partnered, to learn to deal with it.

_More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory,_ Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickett. Thorntree Press, 2014. A sensible introduction to the logistics of loving in multiples.

_When Someone You Love Is Kinky,_ Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Greenery Press, 2000. The book you can show to your partner, parent, coworker or friend to help them understand.

**_BLOGS AND WEBSITES_**

_BDSM events,_ www.thebdsmeventspage.com/events.html. If you have any interest in attending a conference, contest or other kink get-together, check this page first to see whats coming up. If nothing sounds right, try entering "bdsm event [name of your community]" into your favorite search engine.

_BDSM groups,_ en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_BDSM_organizations, lists many of the best-established groups. If nothing sounds right, try entering "bdsm group [name of your community]" into your favorite search engine.

_Erotic Awakening,_ featuring Dan and dawn, www.eroticawakening.com. Although Dan and dawn are in a male-dominant relationship, they interview guests and experts from the farthest corners of kink. Much to be learned here.

_Fetlife_ (www.fetlife.com) is sometimes called "The Facebook of alt-sex," and thats a pretty good description. It has the same problems as Facebook - little control over disruptive or abusive members, many "one true way" proselytizers, and no way to determine if anyone is who they say they are. But it also has the same advantages - places where you can meet people who share your interests, and learn from folks who have been doing it a lot longer than you have. Its also the primary spot where people advertise upcoming events, conferences, etc. Check it out, but with many grains of salt.

_Kink Academy,_ www.kinkacademy.com. Thousands of sex and kink education videos featuring experts all over the world. Although there is a fee, the site offers free clips to give you an idea of whether its what you want. PassionateU.com, their sister institution, posts videos about general sexuality.

_Kink-Aware Professionals,_ ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionalsdirectory. If youre looking for a therapist, doctor or other professional who will not be judgmental of your kink interests, this is a great place to start your search.

**_LAW AND POLITICS_**

_The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom_ (www.ncsfreedom.org) is a lobbying and legal support group for kinksters and others with nontraditional sexualities or relationships. They are also spearheading the "Consent Counts" project, which teaches standards for consent, and for managing consent problems, in a nonjudgmental, kink-positive environment. Support them if you can; its your freedoms theyre protecting.


Input: Prompt: Write a section promoting other books from Greenery Press. This section should be divided into two main categories: BDSM/Kink and General Sexuality. Within each category, list several book titles along with their authors and prices. Also include a section for Toybag Guides, which are workshops in a book, and provide the name of the guide and its author. Include a note about how to find Greenery Press books and contact information for the publisher.

Response:
**OTHER BOOKS FROM GREENERY PRESS**

**BDSM/KINK**

**The Artisans Book of Fetishcraft: Patterns & Instructions for Creating Professional Fetishwear, Restraints & Equipment**

John Huxley $27.95

**Conquer Me: girl-to-girl wisdom about fulfilling your submissive desires**

Kacie Cunningham $13.95

**Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment**

Hardy Haberman $12.95

**Flogging**

Joseph Bean $11.95

**The Human Pony: A Guide for Owners, Trainers & Admirers**

Rebecca Wilcox $27.95

**The Mistress Manual: a good girls guide to female dominance**

Mistress Lorelei Powers $16.95

**The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant**

John Warren $16.95

**The New Bottoming Book** _&_ **The New Topping Book**

Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy $14.95 ea.

**Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring & Navigating the Kink, Leather & BDSM Communities**

Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams $19.95

**Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys to Transcendence**

Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy $16.95

**The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage**

Midori, photographs by Craig Morey $27.95

**SM 101: A Realistic Introduction**

Jay Wiseman $24.95

**Spanking for Lovers**

Janet W. Hardy $13.95

**GENERAL SEXUALITY**

**DIY Porn Handbook: A How-To Guide to Documenting Our Own Sexual Revolution**

Madison Young $15.95

**The Explorers Guide to Planet Orgasm**

Annie Sprinkle $13.95

**A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting**

Deborah Addington $13.95

**The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships**

Kathy Labriola $19.95

**Love In Abundance: A Counselors Advice on Open Relationships**

Kathy Labriola $15.95

**Miss Veras Cross-Gender Fun for All**

Veronica Vera $14.95

**Tricks... To Please a Man** _&_ **Tricks... To Please a Woman**

Jay Wiseman $13.95 ea.

**When Someone You Love Is Kinky**

Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt $15.95

**TOYBAG GUIDES:**

**A Workshop In A Book** **$9.95 each**

**Age Play,** by Lee "Bridgett" Harrington

**Basic Rope Bondage,** by Jay Wiseman

**Chastity Play,** by Miss Simone

**Clips and Clamps,** by Jack Rinella

**Dungeon Emergencies & Supplies,** by Jay Wiseman

**Hot Wax and Temperature Play,** by Spectrum

**Playing With Taboo,** by Mollena Williams

_Greenery Press books and ebooks are available from your favorite on-line or brick-and-mortar bookstore or sex shop. If you are having trouble locating the book you want, please contact us at 541-683-0961._