Input:
 Write a section in a book about BDSM for couples in long-term relationships where one partner wants to introduce BDSM activities to the other. The section should address both the dominant and submissive perspectives.

For the dominant partner, it should include tips on how to slowly introduce BDSM ideas to their vanilla partner, such as using non-threatening terms, starting with light play, and using communication to gauge their partner's comfort level. It should also mention the importance of building trust and respect.

For the submissive partner, it should include guidance on clearly communicating their desires to their partner, setting boundaries, and emphasizing that BDSM does not have to involve extreme acts.

The section should also provide advice for both partners on navigating common challenges such as fear, discomfort, and communication breakdowns. It should highlight the importance of openness, communication, and respect in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling BDSM relationship.

The end of the section should include suggested readings for further learning.

Response:
Winning Over the Vanilla Lover or Spouse

A common situation in marriages or long-term relationships is one member discovering or finally admitting to a BDSM orientation, leading to the problem of convincing the other to join in these activities. If you are in that situation and hoping to convince your partner to submit to you, you may have a difficult task.

As Ive written previously, even when submissive feelings are strong, admitting to them is a traumatic experience. For someone who does not have these feelings, being asked to act the submissive role is intimidating and humiliating. If, on the other hand, you have discovered deep submissive drives within yourself, there is a short section addressed to your specific needs at the end of this chapter.

When you suggest the possibility of trying BDSM games, never use the terms S&M or B&D. Even the less familiar BDSM should stay in the closet for a while. Perhaps your major problem is that most people think they know what these things are all about; the mere fact that they are dead wrong doesnt alter the situation.

Sit down and think. What turns you on? Everything? Come on. Scat? Golden showers? Blood sports? Lets cut it down to the bone. What is it that you want? If you dont know what you want, you cant get it.

You, as a dominant, should practice putting yourself "in the submissives head." Put yourself in the place of a vanilla person whose spouse has admitted a liking for sadism. Do images of Ted Bundy or The Blond Bitch of Buchenwald leap to mind? They should.

If you stir up these fears, the only people who will benefit are divorce lawyers. What you need to put in your lovers head is the image of your true desires. You also need to stir the emotions your lover may have repressed. There are several ways to do this and none of them are mutually exclusive. They can be combined as you see fit. After all, you are strongly attached to his person. Who could know him or her better than you?

One approach is the direct one. If bondage is your turn on, bring to bed a scarf or the belt from a bathrobe. Dont charge right in; mix a lot of horseplay with play bondage. Normally, a scarf is terrible for serious bondage, but we are talking light play right now. Share the fun; let him or her have a go at tying you up.

Stimulation is trickier on a direct approach. You must be certain it is recognized both consciously and unconsciously as sexual and not punitive. Spanking is probably the best "entry level" stimulation. It is familiar and doesnt involve instruments that might evoke a negative response. ("Where in hell did you get that?")

One approach I have used when dating overtly vanilla women is to exclaim during sex, "You bad girl! You scratched me with your fingernail." No woman, even the most dedicated nail-biter, will feel entirely comfortable claiming innocence. "You should be punished for that." Then, I pull her over my lap and give her a few swats with one hand, while keeping her well excited with the other. Spanking can also combined with intercourse positions. Just put him or her on top and swing away.

When converting a vanilla lover, as with seeking out a submissive lover, talking about books and movies is a good way to lead to conversation to your own desires. Before I got into a relationship with a romance author, I had always dismissed romance novels as chaste escapism. They may be escapism, but they are not chaste. A husband who discovers dominant tendencies and whose wife reads authors like Rosemary Rogers, Jayne Krentz and Sandra Brown is halfway to heaven. Read a few of her romance books. Then let her "catch" you doing it. Suggest that some of the scenes in them are "interesting." It is a wonderful duel that both of you can win.

Otherwise, bring home a few books to leave where she can find them. As I noted before, writing by Anne Rice, A.N. Roquelaure, Anne Rampling are a nice start to introducing someone to BDSM fantasies.

The original _Joy of Sex_ has a nice section on bondage; unfortunately, later printings have watered it down. Madonna, the lady who made sleaze nice, has several books where she sings the praises of BDSM.

Vanilla videotapes abound with BDSM scenes. Bring some home for an evening of watching. A casual comment while watching _Bull Durham_ like, "Wow, doesnt Susan Sarandon look like she is having fun," or, "I bet he enjoys that," can begin an illuminating conversation. Avoid X-rated BDSM DVDs. They are so intense they can be threatening. Remember, you want to keep it fun and non-threatening. Some vanilla films that have good bondage scenes are _Bull Durham, The Collector_ and _The Nightcomers._ Spanking fans have particularly recommended John Waynes _McClintock. Secretary_ is a wonderful exploration of the world of dominance and submission. Some dominants may be a bit put off by the presentation of the male dominant, but if they are honest with themselves, theyll recognize the hesitance and fear thats behind his actions.

Generally, the only reason most television talk shows have BDSM subjects is to attack them. Dont watch them live with your spouse. First, tape them and consider how effective each would be as a recruiting tool. Casually slip the good ones into your evening viewing.

Always keep it light and move slowly and patiently. There is a, probably apocryphal, story in the scene about a man who greeted his wife while dressed completely in leather, wearing a leather mask and carrying a bullwhip. While she stood there in shock, he proclaimed, "You are now my slave. I am your master. Your only thought is to please me."She recovered from her shock, place kicked his balls up to about his neck and went back to cooking dinner.

As I said, slowly and carefully.

Bringing out the dominance in your spouse

A submissive approaching a vanilla spouse for domination faces a somewhat less complex, but more confusing, situation.

Right now, some of you are probably thinking, "This is a book for dominants. Why is this here?" The answer is simple. Submissives may buy this book to give their vanilla lovers. Why cheat them of an opportunity for happiness? – Besides, including them is a way for me to boost my royalties.

First, Ill speak to the novice submissive. Before you approach your significant other you need to narrow things down to specifics in your own mind. It isnt enough to admit to a desire to be dominated. What one person calls hot play can be either lukewarm tapioca or unthinking brutality to another.

Look into your own fantasies and decide where you really want to start. The two of you will be beginning a journey of exploration and having a firm starting point will make things easier later on. You need to decide what your absolute turn-offs are.

One danger in broaching this subject is that you may initially agree to do some things that you really dont feel comfortable with or absolutely turn you off. If you backtrack later, this can be confusing to your partner, who may take it as a rejection or betrayal. You are probably both quite insecure right now. Consistency is the best course for the beginner. However, there is nothing wrong with admitting some things both attract and frighten you and telling your partner that you might like to try these later. It is also OK to find that you really dont like something. That is what safewords are for.

Give this section to your lover and ask him or her to read it if you think its appropriate.

Youre probably a bit confused at this point. Someone you thought you knew pretty well has admitted to a passion you may not even have suspected. But, think about it; you have been given a profound compliment. A lot of trust has gone into making this disclosure.

First, let me explain what your lover is taking about is not really that abnormal. Ive written this book to help you. Id like you to look the whole thing over later, but right now, youre going to need a little guidance as to what your lover meant. Fiction and the media have probably given you a very distorted idea of what it means to be a dominant or a submissive. First, and most important, it means sharing love and trust. Youve already got that or your lover wouldnt have put this book in your hands.

Your life isnt going be turned upside down. You wont have to don leather garments or carry a bullwhip, but you can if you want to. Your lover wont be showing up at the PTA wearing nothing but chains and handcuffs. All that is going to happen is that the two of you will embark on a sensual dance, begin playing an erotic game that thousands enjoy every day.

You arent going to be called on to be brutal or insensitive. On the contrary, you will discover that playing the dominant role will multiply your present sensitivity to your partner many times over. At the same time, it will allow you to experience sensual pleasures that you may not have dreamed of.

Your lover will not become weak or passive. Think about the strength and courage it has taken for him or her to admit to having these feelings. That strength and courage isnt going to disappear. In fact, by joining with him or her in this game, you will be adding to that strength and nurturing a level of confidence you havent seen before.

For the moment, the best thing is for the two of you to talk it over. To a large extent, BDSM is communication. Your lover has fantasies he or she wants you to enter. You need to hear these fantasies for yourself to make up your mind.

In the previous chapter you can find some techniques for exploring fantasies near the end of the First Scene chapter. You may want to use these somewhat erotic techniques or just sit down with your lover and talk. The only important things to do are to recognize how stressful this is for both of you and to not make any judgments while the two of you are talking.

Afterwards, take what you have learned, and using your imagination, turn it into something that the two of you can act out. It need not be anywhere near as complex as the fantasies you have heard. You arent DeNiro, and you dont need a cast of thousands. Look at the basics. Is there bondage? Stimulation with a whip or other instrument? Fantasy characters? Humiliation? You dont need to try them all at once. Break out one or two major ingredients and create something you can do. The rest of this book is just chock full of ideas.

Some individuals instinctively have the ability to do an amazing alchemy and turn what most people would call pain into pleasure. Others can learn to do this. Still, others, as much as they may desire to do it, cannot make the change. For example, if the fantasy includes whipping or spanking, start slowly, give five or ten relatively gentle strokes of the whip and then pause for reassurance; include a lot of feedback, including go words as well as safewords.

One novice couple came to me with a fantasy in which she was captured by a pirate and whipped on her breasts. We developed a scenario in which he demanded that she perform fellatio. By staying in her role as a well-brought-up young lady, she, of course, refused. He, then, whipped her breasts, stopping every few strokes to renew his demand. By refusing haughtily, she signaled him that all was well and she was enjoying what was going on. When the intensity of the sensation approached her limits, she "submitted" to his demands.

With men, the fantasy often revolves around humiliation. This is a delicate road to tread for both of you. Some people cannot engage in humiliation without feeling considerable discomfort even when they recognize that it is based in fantasy and play. It can result in a negative image of the person being humiliated, in a negative self image on the part of the humiliator, or the other way around.

Remember, too, that BDSM is based on consensuality. This goes in both directions. If you are not happy, or at least at peace with what you are being asked to do, sit down and discuss your feelings. It is just as wrong for someone to make you, as a dominant, do something you do not wish to do as it would be for you to force an unwilling submissive to do something.

However, if everything works, you will be amazed at the new dimensions that are opened up for both of you. BDSM doesnt replace vanilla sex; it simply adds new vistas of which most people are not even aware.

Suggested Reading

_When Someone You Love Is Kinky,_ Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt, Greenery Press


Input:
  Write a conversation or interview outline for a dominant partner to use when planning the first BDSM scene with a new submissive partner. It should cover important topics such as medical history, physical limitations, and personal preferences. The goal is to create a safe and enjoyable experience for both partners.

In the conversation, the dominant partner should ask about any medical conditions, allergies, or injuries that may impact the scene. They should also discuss the submissive's pain tolerance and explore their fears and turn-ons. The concept of safewords and consent should be introduced, and limits should be discussed.

The tone of the conversation should be professional and respectful, with a focus on building trust and mutual understanding. The dominant partner should maintain a non-judgmental and supportive attitude throughout.

The submissive partner should be encouraged to share their fantasies and desires in a relaxed and comfortable setting, either through direct discussion or through guided imagery techniques. The dominant partner should make it clear that there are no wrong or inappropriate responses, and that the focus is on exploring desires and creating a pleasurable experience.

The final outcome of the conversation should be a better understanding of both partners' desires and boundaries, which can be used to create a scene that is exciting and satisfying for both.

Write this conversation or interview in detail, including the questions the dominant partner should ask and the possible responses from the submissive partner.

Response:
The First Scene

So youve done what once seemed impossible: found a submissive whos eager to play with you. Its now up to you to put together a scene that accommodates both of your fantasies and desires, but steers clear of anything thats beyond the physical or emotional limits of this particular partner — or, for that matter, beyond your physical or emotional limits.

In order to build this scene youre going to have to do some talking. These initial discussions should be quite detailed, but they can also be a mini-scene in their own right. The conversation can be played as a job interview with a young person attempting to get a well-paying job with a dominating, powerful person of the opposite sex, a medical examination, a Catholic-type confession before a priest or mother-superior, or a respondent to a Kinsey-type sex survey. Some sample questions are in the appendix which contains a questionnaire Sir Spencer uses when interviewing new submissives.

You need to go over the submissives medical history. Important facts are:

  * Old injuries, particularly broken bones and tendons (for example, a person whose Achilles tendon has been surgically reattached is not a good candidate for many kinds of inverted suspension)
  * Diabetes (a diabetic can pass out unexpectedly and is much more prone to long-lasting bruises)
  * Contact lenses (these can dislodge during blindfolding; in any case, the dominant should have a supply of artificial tears in case something gets in the submissives eye)
  * Asthma (gags are definitely a no-no and you should keep the medication handy)
  * High blood-pressure or heart problems (obvious)
  * Allergies (for example, some people get severe skin reactions to alcohol; this would eliminate both Fire on Skin and basic sterilization techniques or latex which would call for gloves and condoms of another material)
  * Glaucoma (this does not go well with inverted suspension)
  * Orgasmic syncope (people with this condition pass out during orgasm; it is frightening but not dangerous)
  * Skin sensitivity (some people have skin that is exceptionally sensitive to cutting and bruising)
  * Tendency to muscle cramps or old sprains or strains (for example, a person with a history of charley- horses shouldnt be forced to stand on tiptoe or put in extreme positions)
  * Back problems (this would call for care in requiring high heels and the elimination of any hog-ties or arched-back positions)
  * Tendency to bladder infections (women with this problem have to be very careful about cleanliness in the area of the urethra)
  * Hemorrhoids (this obviously would put a limit on playing with the ass)
  * Any psychological problems (a person with claustrophobia is not going to react well to hooding or mummification)

You should also ask the submissive about what his or her turn-ons and turn-offs are, as well as what he or she sees as frightening. However, something that a submissive admits to being scared of is not automatically banished from your repertoire; actually, it may turn out to be a major turn-on for that submissive. The sensation of fear is one of the major driving forces of the scene. Helping a submissive ride that crest of fear is one of the strongest highs for a dominant.

If you wish, you can ask about the submissives pain tolerance, but, except with highly experienced submissives, I have found such responses to be unreliable. One woman who described herself as a "big sissy" gloried in fifteen to twenty strokes of the cane, something well beyond the tolerance of most submissives. A muscular man who told a female dominant, "I can take anything a woman can dish out," was screaming his safeword before she ran out of her first baggie of clothespins.

This initial conversation is a good place to assign a safeword or words or allow the submissive to choose them. For a detailed discussion of the types and levels of safewords, check the consent chapter. Here, I will only say again that it is absolutely necessary to have at least one safeword so the submissive can stop the scene before it gets too intense. The submissive using a safeword is not an insult to your abilities. It is simply a recognition that Murphys Law exists in BDSM as well as everywhere else. Things can go wrong.

At this point, you should also discuss any limits on activities, including sexual. It does not have to be detailed. It can be as simple as, "I will not have sex with you, and you may not come without my permission," or, "I feel free to use you sexually in any way that strikes my fancy as long as I use safe sex techniques," or if you wish, you can go deeply into precisely what can and cannot be done.

Some novice submissives tend to go in one of two diametrically opposed directions. Some declare, usually with a dreamy look in their eyes, "I have no limits." Others have a long and complex list of "Things Ill never do."

For the ones with a long list, I recommend a gentle smile. Usually, I suggest writing down the list, sealing it in an envelope and leaving it with me. A year or so down the line, we can get together, open the envelope and have a good laugh. This does not mean that limits are meaningless or you can feel assured that any specific limit will pass away, but just that people tend to grow and change in a new environment. Usually, such lists change beyond recognition as a person becomes more aware of the sensual opportunities and also learns about new things that cause him or her to shudder.

If one or more of the items on the list are things that the dominant really wants to do, you need to talk a bit more. Because the scene has yet to produce a Webster and his dictionary, what you mean by a word may be quite different than what your potential partner means. For example, "whipping" to you may mean a sensually writhing submissive and a deer-hide flogger, but to her it may mean white-hot agony and blood splattered walls. However, sometimes its a case of you both meaning the same thing, but one with zeal and the other with antipathy. If the other aspects of the potential relationship are not enough for you to put this particular activity on the back burner, then it may be a sign this partner is not the right fit.

There is no shame in this. The scene is a complex maze of pathways and few people walk exactly the same one. Sometimes, its just a case of both sets of needs and desires being so far apart that a link is not possible. One major reason for careful communication is that its better to find this out sooner rather than later.

As for the "no limits" submissive, this really isnt all that bad a situation as long as you keep a sense of reality and a sense of humor. What he or she is really saying is "I want my dominant to have the same set of limits as I have." Now, this is a laudable goal, but for that to happen, he or she is really going to have to think about what the shared limits really are.

Usually, I find a gleeful expression and an exclamation of, "Great, Ive been looking for someone who would let me cut off some fingers," goes a long way to injecting reality into the conversation.

While you are gathering information about limits and desires, keep in mind that this is an opportunity for the submissive to look over an unfamiliar dominant. For the submissives peace of mind, you should be careful to maintain a dignified and professional demeanor.

You can either ask about the submissives fantasies or try a more sensual, voluptuous approach I enjoy. The basic idea of it is taken from Sigmund Freud. He recognized that people can be extremely sensitive to body language and other subliminal clues when they are talking about highly personal matters. Freud suggested that the doctor sit out of sight of the patient during the session to minimize the cues that might make it difficult for the patient to be open. My method modifies Freuds technique for my own, erotic purposes.

If your submissive is comfortable with being nude, have him or her undress and sit in a comfortable chair. If not, have him or her change into loose, comfortable garments before sitting down. Comfort is important because you dont want any distractions. Stand behind the submissive or put your chair behind theirs. The important thing is to be outside of the line of sight. Reach around the chair and gently run your hands over her breasts and neck or his chest and balls. Do not play hard enough to give more than a slight turn on. The imagination, not your hands, should be the primary stimulant.

An alternative is to have him or her put on a blindfold and lie on a bed. You can, if you wish, use light bondage techniques from the other chapters. Since there should not be any struggling, there is little need to worry about binding or nerve damage. The ropes, scarves or whatever should be tied loosely and used primarily for psychological effect. The idea is to stimulate fantasy, not do a full-fledged scene.

If possible, put on some soft, relaxing music. Everything should be designed to promote relaxation and flights of fancy without giving any clues as to what "appropriate" responses should be.

In a low, gentle voice say something like, "Just relax, my darling. Close your eyes. Feel sexy. Be aware of being turned on. Let your imagination run wild. Dont try to guide it or keep from thinking about anything no matter how erotic. Nothing you say now is real. It is all fantasy. Just let me ride through your subconscious with you. There are no rules, no taboos. Tell me what you are thinking and dreaming about."

For the first ten minutes to a half hour, you will usually get conventional sex fantasies. As these begin to wane, there may be a bit of resistance. After all, you are getting into a very, very personal space. Dont be insistent, but just continue as you have been. "You are so exciting, my dear. Tell me more. Lets continue to explore. You are turning me on so much. Share your fire with me."

Never, under any circumstances, show the slightest sign of shock or disapproval. Even a gasp or an "oh my!" can destroy the entire atmosphere. Listen and learn.

Whatever technique you use, you need to explore the submissives fantasies. While you are not bound to follow any script, this information will allow you to create scenes that can excite and please both of you.


Input:
 Write a detailed description of how to prepare for, conduct, and end a BDSM scene involving a dominant and submissive partner. The text should cover topics such as planning, communication, setting the mood, limits, safety, and aftercare. It should include tips and warnings on how to create a safe and enjoyable experience for both partners, including dealing with concerns or unexpected situations.

Include detailed descriptions of specialized BDSM scenes such as guided fantasy, interrogation, rape fantasy, and mindfuck. These should include considerations for both male and female participants, addressing the psychological and emotional aspects of these scenes, as well as specific activities and props that could be used.

The tone of the text should be informative, detailed, and respectful. Use clear and concise language and provide examples to illustrate important points.

Response:
Making a Scene Sing

Defining a scene is about as easy as defining a love affair. Some people like scenes that are very casual, while others prefer formality and a specific set of signals to determine the beginning and the end of a scene which is played in a specific time and place. The majority do both as the spirit strikes them.

However, for the purposes of this section, Im going to explore the possibilities of formal, pre-arranged, relatively lengthy scenes. It is the most complex kind of scene, so you can feel free to pick and choose from my suggestions when planning your activities. Feel free to add your own twists and kinks.

Whether a scene is to be with an unfamiliar submissive or an old and treasured one, it begins for the dominant long before the submissive arrives. I generally run a scene much like a jazz dance. I know where I am and where I want to go, but the spirit of the moment, my sense of the rightness and the influence of my partner all come together in a complex set of dynamics that changes minute by minute, even second by second.

On a higher plane, there is a strong link between the spontaneity, intensity and passion inherent in the creation of any work of art and in a scene. William Wordsworth defined poetry as "the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings." He might well have been referring to the joyful exaltation of the whip and the rope. However, even a poet must prepare the pen, the artist the brush.

Preparation

Is the equipment you plan to use available and in good working order? The actual maintenance can be left to a submissive or submissives. It is sheer bliss to some to be allowed to maintain the instruments of their joy. One mistress sets her submissives to chewing the tails of her whips to make them soft and supple.

Still, you are the one responsible for the scene and the safety of everyone in it. You must check the equipment personally.

If the scene will last more than an hour or so, make sure an adequate supply of food and drink will be available. Both you and the submissive are going to be expending incredible amounts of energy. Hunger and thirst can be a distraction from the exciting sensations you want to feel. At a very minimum, I bring a supply of some small, easy-to-swallow treats. Hersheys Kisses or M&Ms are favorites. They are perfect for popping in a submissives mouth when he or she least expects it. The candy provides a quick burst of energy, and the sweet sensuality of it is a marvelous contrast to the dynamic sensuality of what you are doing.

There is some small risk in doing this because of the level of excitement the submissive is feeling, but Im sure you know the Heimlich maneuver. If not, read the poster that seems to violate the decor of every restaurant in the country.

Some people plan their scenes with the precision of a German railroad timetable. Ive seem some that went: 8:00 to 8:20 spanking, five minute rest, 8:25 to 8:50 whipping with a deerskin cat, and so on. If this is your turn on, so be it. I, personally, feel this kind of scheduling takes much of the spontaneity out of the scene.

This kind of teutonic scheduling is often desired by male sub-missives and seems to have two sources. With an inexperienced submissive, it is most often an attempt to work out a fantasy which he has had for a number of years. This should be strongly discouraged. Such a person generally has very unrealistic expectations regarding his personal limits and endurance. Also, it is an attempt to seize control of the scene from you. Either situation is a potential disaster.

Less often, such a program may be presented by an experienced submissive who is attempting to recreate a previous experience. While this is much less likely to fail, you should still discourage such attempts. First, you are not the other dominant or top. It is unlikely you could recreate what actually happened, and worse it is almost impossible for you to be able to recreate what his mind now "remembers" of the experience after he has had time to embellish it in fantasy.

Second, and more importantly, repeating such scenes has no potential for a submissive to grow. Part of the dominants role is to expand their submissives awareness and experience. We cannot do that by simply repeating the past.

However, even without a detailed design, you should have some plans for transitions between various activities. For example, in an initial scene with a new submissive, I set aside some time between each, increasingly intense activity to talk about her reactions to what was done and how she is feeling.

With more familiar submissives I still try to alternate intense stimulation with gentler activities. For example, although I may use touches of the vibrator during a whipping, I will set aside a few minutes of vibrator play after the whipping is complete and before, perhaps, I go on to waxing. Having such hiatuses gives both of you a rest. The contrast, also, gives a greater intensity to each, individual feeling.

Limits and surprises

If youre unfamiliar with the submissive, spend a bit of time thinking about his or her limits. Of course, no dominant or top would ever ignore a safeword, but one of the more enjoyable games is finding ways to slide around a submissives limits. Frontal assault is rarely effective in these cases, but a flank attack can occasionally succeed.

For example, my submissive Gale was very sensitive about her anus. If I so much as looked at it too long, she was ready to call an end to the session, but she had never put it down as a hard, never, never, never limit. However, I suspected that the sensitivity that she felt could be converted to sensuality with the right input. Before her arrival, I put a bouncing-ball vibrator in a condom, thoroughly lubricated the condom and put the whole thing in a plastic bag so it wouldnt dry out. The condom served two purposes. This type of vibrator is attached to its battery pack by a single fragile wire. If that wire broke, there would be no way to extract the vibrator without the condom. Second, it kept the vibrator clean.

She loved over-the-knee spanking. I began lightly along the top of her buttocks and slowly worked my way back, toward the "sweet spot" where the buttocks join the legs, while increasing the severity of the stimulation. As the spanking was reaching a peak, I gave the area near her anus a few extra hard smacks with my left hand and continued to spank the lower slopes with my right. Then, with my left hand, I extracted the vibrator from the bag and slid it carefully into her anus.

She was so distracted by the spanking that she felt nothing. Then, I paused to let her get her breath back. After a few seconds, I turned the vibrator speed control to half speed. I could feel her puzzlement and then she shouted, "What did you do to my ass?" Before I could respond, the orgasms hit her. Later, when she could talk again, she admitted that she had always been afraid of letting anyone touch her anus precisely because it was so sensitive.

Music and scent

For many people, music is an important part of the scene. It stimulates the primitive areas of the brain while bypassing the consciousness. Of course, the music must fit with the scene you have planned. For example, during an Inquisition role-play, I play Gregorian chants. The religious overtones and the monotone nature of the music fits right in.

Most often, I simply fit the music to my mood. Because I often want to mix both fast and slow passages, I may use Pachelbels _Canon,_ the theme from _Chariots of Fire, The Firebird_ by Igor Stravinsky, _Close Encounters Suite_ by John Williams or _Rhapsody in Blue_ by George Gershwin.

For music that builds toward a peak, there is nothing better than "Music of the Night" from Webers _Phantom of the Opera._ However, it is a bit short. For a slower, longer buildup, I use albums by Mike Oldfield like his older _Hergest Ridge_ and recently released _Tubular Bells II._ I also like Ravels _Bolero._ Other pieces of this type are Simpsons _Ninth Symphony_ or the symphonies of _Arvo Part._

Isao Tomita, who works with the Moog synthesizer, has an album, _The Planet,_ that supplies a variety of music ranges. His "Mars" piece, in particular, is full of thunder, others are joyous, while others are soft and delicate.

If the lyrics are important and the bottom is calling , one cannot do much better than Madonnas " _Hanky Panky (Spank Me)"_

The important thing is that the music works for you and your partner.

Dont neglect odor. Incense, like music, creates a mood by bypassing the conscious. Depending on the scene, I use light florals or a heavy musk. The trick is that the odors should tickle the nose, not anesthetize it. You want to accent, not overpower.

You can use incense to provide the odor or a bit of perfume. One effect that I find quite powerful is to take some of the natural lubrication from my submissives pussy and just touch it to her upper lip.

Beginning the scene

While the kind of detailed discussion I outlined in the previous chapter may need to take place only once before every scene, at least in the early stages of a BDSM relationship, a few minutes of review is a valuable safeguard. During this review, you should go over the safe-word or words. If there is going to be role playing, you should inform the submissive about his or her role and the role you will be playing. This does not have to be in detail. It is enough to say something like, "You are a young noblewoman brought before the Inquisition, and I will be your confessor."

Some people use a symbol to begin the scene. For example, I often have a submissive lock her neck chain in place and give me the key. She is mine until I unlock the chain and give her back the key. A dear friend on the west coast uses a blindfold. Others simply begin. Generally, it is just a matter of taste. However, in role-play, there should be a distinct beginning and end to the scene to minimize role confusion.

Clothing is another matter of personal choice, as is its removal. I usually demand that the submissive strip herself as a reminder of her status in the scene. Music can transform this simple act into a seductive dance. Segments of the scene can be marked by a progressive disrobing, or the submissive can be disrobe entirely at the outset.

Depending on your desires, you may or may not undress. If you do, do so in such a way as to add to the scene. Men should never, take their pants off before their shirt. A glance at the covers of romance novels clearly show the female fascination with males naked to the waist. However the reverse, with a shirt tail flapping about bare legs, is a spectacle that no amount of inborn dignity can survive. Female dominants may wish to put their submissives into precisely this undignified situation, but male dominants should carefully avoid it.

The scene itself

The combinations and permutations of activities in a scene are almost infinite, and Im not about to lay down a "right" schedule of activities. However, for maximum effect, both psychological and physical stimulation should begin relatively gently and then steadily increase. For example, most submissives are not ready for caning at the beginning of a session, but they may welcome that kind of intense stimulation toward the end. Do not forget that the physical activities – bondage, whipping, spanking – are merely the keys that unlock the journey of the mind.

Just which act is more intense than another is a suitable subject for discussion with specific submissives. For example, some see waxing as extremely intense while others find it a gentle stimulation. The perception of the submissive should be the final guide. However, a progression of increasing intensity for most people might be, spanking, whipping, waxing, caning, pricking, cutting. This is only a general guide to intensity and, most assuredly, does not mean that every activity must be present in every scene or even in the repertoire. Some very respected and experienced dominants limit their activities to spanking and whipping. The most valuable characteristic of a good dominant is common sense.

Psychological stimulation like humiliation should also proceed along a continuum. As your submissive becomes more involved emotionally, demands that might trigger a revolt just after the scenes onset will be welcomed with enthusiasm.

With experience, your subconscious will learn to read the subliminal cues that a submissive sends out. Without really knowing why you are doing it, you will feel that it is time to increase or decrease the stimulation, begin another phase or ease up and rest a bit. Much like two dancers working each others bodies, the two of you will become caught up in a communication with a bandwidth so much wider than that provided by voice or sight alone.

A scene is not simply an extremely erotic activity. In a very real sense, it is a work of performance art.

Ending the scene

The scene can end in a number of ways. You can complete the scenario or end it for another reason. The submissive uses his or her safeword, or it can be ended because of outside guides.

The ideal way for the scene to end, of course, is for it to run to its natural conclusion. However, you should terminate it if you are getting tired or sense that the submissive has passed his or her endurance limits. If you are tired, you arent going to enjoy yourself as much, but more importantly, you will become sloppy and careless.

A perfect way to end a scene is shown in the video Geisha Slave. In it, Sarana says to her slave Mariko, "When I remove your collar and call you Lover the scene will be over." She follows her words with action and then the two make passionate love. Many BDSM films are filled with harmful misinformation. This one is a pleasant exception.

As part of your preparation, you should have provided a place for both of you to rest after the scene. In my scenes, a bit of gentle cuddling is mandatory, both to reassure the submissive and to give me a chance to get my mind out of the scene. One, or both, of you may want to sleep after the scene. Remember, a scene should be intense, but it can also be shattering to a submissive, particularly one who is new to the world of BDSM. If he or she seems to be shaken or have doubts, be supportive. Submissives often need to be reassured about their inherent worth.

Talking it over afterwards

There is some disagreement about when a debriefing should take place, but most people in the scene seem to feel that having one is a good idea. An obvious time is right after the scene ends, while cuddling. Memories are freshest at this time. However, many people in BDSM feel that waiting up to a day is a good idea because it gives both of you time to develop a psychic distance from the scene itself.

With experienced couples, it can be as little as, "Was it OK, dear?" or, "How did it go?" With couples just getting to know each other, the questioning should be deeper and more detailed. You cannot read a near stranger with complete accuracy. However, as you combine what you have observed during scenes with what you learn during the post-scene talks, you can begin to approach the ideal one-soul two-body amalgam. Each person brings a different set of needs and a different set of sensitivities to the scene. A very concrete example would be that Libby loves the paddle more than any other toy while Line prefers much more severe toys and finds a paddles impact too diffuse for maximum pleasure. Of course, you dont want to beat the experience to death with analysis; it was a BDSM scene, not a presidential speech.

The essence of a good dominant is strength and control, and during these post-scene talks, you must turn those characteristics inward. This is not a time for flowery compliments. These are serious questions. To treat them as perfunctory time-wasters is to miss a chance to expand and grow for both of you. You must press and probe to find ways to improve both your skills and empathic abilities.

The submissive will always be reluctant to say anything that could be taken as criticism. However, by eliciting negative comments and by welcoming them in an open and adult manner, you can do much to build both the submissives self worth and his or her opinion of you. Besides, wouldnt you rather hear it from the submissive and have a chance to discuss any problems, than hear how bad the scene went from Judy, who heard it from Karl, who was told by Lisa, who had talked to your submissive?

A look at a few specialized types of scenes

**Guided fantasy.** A guided fantasy is a wonderful way of exploring scenes too dangerous or too complex for realization in the real world. It works by establishing a fantasy in the submissives mind and then guiding it to an explosive conclusion. However, this technique is not for everyone. It takes quick wits, careful preparation and a flexible imagination.

Weve all experienced guided fantasies as children when we read stories of wonderful worlds and great adventures. We would sit back and let our imaginations fill in the spaces between the words. Now that we are adult dominants, its time to start telling our kind of tales.

Its as simple as telling a fantasy to the submissive. The description alone is a powerful, sensual device that can bring hours of gratification. However, a guided fantasy goes a step further and makes the submissive an active participant in his or her own erotic tale.

To make the guided fantasy work, you must cut off or control as much sensory input as possible. A blindfold is indispensable. I prefer the fur-lined ones because they completely block out all light. Ive also used headphones with a low hum to cut off all background noises when I am not talking, although this isnt necessary if the scene is in a relatively quiet room.

Most of the time, during the fantasy, the submissive should be bound in a comfortable position. Any discomfort that is not part of the fantasy can be distracting. You may want to use snap fastenings so that he or she can be moved about if the plot requires it.

Begin your story in a low, sensual voice. Set the scene and then ask your submissive to describe people and things in it. Keep track of these descriptions and weave them into the story. For example, if he or she describes a dark-haired man with a leather vest, refer to the character in those terms and work in references to his stroking of his dark hair or adjusting his leather vest.

By doing this, you are reinforcing the submissives fantasy by making your story match what is going on in his or her imagination. The two build on each other in the sensory vacuum youve created.

Sound effects can be very valuable. The crack of a whip or the sound of a knife sliding out of a scabbard reinforce the illusion until it becomes almost indistinguishable from reality.

Dont forget the submissives sense of touch. If you have a vest, you can remind her of her description of one of the characters by saying "As the dark haired man takes off his clothing, he drops his vest on you" and follow your words with the action. To feel the whip at the same time as imagining a whipping is unimaginably intense. One mistress regularly puts her submissives through a degrading male- on-male rape fantasy during which she employs three dildos simultaneously.

Smell, being one of the most subtle senses, has an intense impact directly on the most primitive portions of the brain. It is a good idea to keep a few small vials of scent and other liquids about. For example, in a cycle-gang rape fantasy, I use the odors of oil, gasoline and rubber to emphasize aspects of the fantasy.

In another fantasy, my submissive surprised me by mentioning that she visualized the floor of the dungeon covered with rose petals. I was nonplussed for a moment because I lacked a rose scent. Then, I remembered a package of assorted incense I had purchased that day. In less than a minute, the room was redolent with the scent of roses.

Because of the relatively relaxed pace and the comfortable position the submissive is in, guided fantasies can go on for a long time. I did one that lasted for more than six hours and there is nothing that prevents one from going on for days.

The six-hour fantasy is a good example of the heights of fantasy that can be reached. The submissive, Marty, had a deep interest in the darker side of the supernatural. She had confided to me that she fantasized that she was the reincarnation of a witch, who had been burned at the stake.

The fantasy began with her tied horizontally in a modified crucifix position with her legs spread. I explained that she was going to be inducted into a witches coven. In the background, the stereo was playing a long tape of religious chants. We developed the scene with me outlining the entrance of the witches and her filling in details, which I used in my descriptions.

The induction was frankly sexual and during it she had to satisfy each witch orally. To simulate the witches vaginal areas, I used my own hand flavored with Martys own secretions. The touch of her tongue on my hand was erotic in the extreme because I could almost see what she was imagining. All the time, candles above her breasts and cupped hands contributed a bit of stimulation as they melted.

Then, the witches summoned Satan to take his newest bride. A pistol shot and a bit of burning sulfur provided the background. For Satans voice, I used a deep rough tone and spoke with my lips close to her ear. When Satan entered her, Marty let out an incredible scream. Ancient books always spoke of the devils cock being cold. This one certainly was because I had left the dildo in the refrigerator overnight.

After a bit more erotic play, I changed the pace. I told her that soldiers had broken in, and the entire coven was arrested. I stood her up and tied her hands and arms to her body with a number of coils of rough rope. Another part of the room where I had broken open a bale of hay because the rough cell into which she was thrown.

Naturally, the jailers had to take full advantage of her helpless position. She was repeatedly "raped," a part of the fantasy that both of us enjoyed immensely.

After allowing her to recover, still bound, from the "rapes," I continued the story with her being taken before the inquisition where she was tortured to induce a confession. I had not told her details of the scenario beforehand but I had told her that her safeword for this scene was "I am a witch."

I used the traditional tortures for a witch were flogging, scalding water and being searched for the mark of the devil. The flogging was simple, and I simulated the scalding water by putting her hands repeatedly in very cold water and then shifting them to a container of very hot, but not scalding, water. The contrast made the hot water seem hotter.

The theory behind the witchs mark is that each witch has a place where she has been kissed by the devil. The place is numb. The investigators keep putting needles into the unfortunates body until they find a point where pricking her does not make scream. I imagine that most suspects confessed while the search was still going on. The investigators may not have used sterile needles or sterilized the area before beginning. However, when fantasy collides with safety concerns, fantasy must give way.

Eventually, Marty "confessed."

I told her that she was going to be burned at the stake and guided her roughly across the floor. Lacking a proper stake, I tied her hands to a hook above her head and turned on a quartz heater directly in front of her. After a few minutes, when her skin was getting a bit red from the heat, I came up behind her, holding a taper of smoldering sulfur and whispered in the devils deep rough tone, "Ive come again for you, my bride," and drove home in her pussy the re-chilled dildo.

The resultant orgasms left her incoherent for more than a half hour.

Anything is possible in guided fantasy. You can travel the length and breadth of the universe and do things that, in real life, would leave the submissive a broken twisted shell. Since much of the action is only in the imagination, the only limits are those of your imagination.

**Suggested Reading**

_Fantasy Made Flesh: The Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay,_ Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

**Interrogation scenes.** One of the classic ways that vanilla film makers slip a BDSM touch into their products is in an interrogation scene where usually the innocent hero or heroine is helpless in the clutches of the evil doers. Therefore, it is not surprising that a common psychodrama in the scene is an interrogation.

There are several common themes in an interrogation scene. We have already covered one, a witch being forced to confess, in the guided fantasy section. Another is a military interrogation. The theme here is that the submissive is an innocent, a brave solder or rebel maid, and you, the Nazi, Viet Cong, English (you may have an IRA submissive) officer, are doing the questioning. In this kind of a scene, there is often a threat of extreme force, even death, made explicitly.

An interesting facet of this stage setting is the use of symbols that would normally be offensive, in particular, Nazi regalia. Because of this, there is considerable debate within the scene about the appropriateness of this kind of play. My personal feeling is that there is an ironic justice using these symbols in the service of a sexual fetish. Imagine the ire of a Himmler or a Hitler upon discovering that a "bunch of happy perverts" were playing with their revered emblems. Rather than honoring them, we are reducing them to a kind of kinky toy.

Of course, for some, these symbols are just too powerful to consider using. Because of this, no responsible dominant would ever spring such a scene on an unsuspecting submissive without probing his or her sensitivities in this area beforehand. Also, if you chose to talk about and do such scenes, be prepared for criticism from some members of the community.

The police interrogation is another standard form of the interrogation scene. Here, the submissive may adopt the role of the bad guy or innocent victim of circumstances. You can be a good cop or a corrupt cop. Force and threats of force are more moderate here than in the military scenario although the actual activities may be very similar.

Like the fantasy rapes covered in the next section, the interrogation requires the dominant to take on a role that may be quite different from his or her personality. For this reason, I recommend a clear starting and stopping point for such scenes. One of my favorite couples goes a step further. Near the end of the scene, he blindfolds her, explaining that he is going out to get some nefarious device. Then, shifting roles, he reappears as her rescuer, lifting her and carrying her out of the dungeon to safety.

You dont have to do anything this complex – although it can be fun. A simple prearranged phrase, such as, "You are free," or an action, like removing the Nazi officers cap, can signal the transition from scene to reality.

In this kind of scene, the polarity between dominant and submissive is more marked than in most BDSM play. You are the bad guy or gal. All cooperative endeavor is carefully concealed under a camouflage of brutality or coldness. The mood of this kind of scene is clearly adversarial despite the underlying mutual consent.

Scene setting is particularly important during this kind of psychodrama. You want the submissive to be caught up in the excitement of it all and this means providing enough visual, auditory and even olfactory clues so that he or she can achieve what authors call suspension of disbelief.

I like to make the transition between not-scene and scene with the submissive blindfolded. The blindfold is put in place outside of where the interrogation is going to take place and then removed after she has been bound.

Usually, I begin with chair bondage. Not only is this position familiar through hundreds of late night movies, but it also puts the submissives head at a lower level than mine, an important aspect of psychological dominance.

While, for most scenes, you want your dungeon/ black room/ scene room a bit warmer than ordinary room temperature, an interrogation scene calls for a bit of a chill in the air. We want the submissive to shiver a bit. While I rarely use chains for bondage, during an interrogation scene, the cold metal just seems so appropriate. Often, I prepare it ahead of time by leaving it in the refrigerator for a few hours to give it the proper dungeon chill.

It is a special treat for your submissive if you can find somewhere other than your regular scene room to perform the interrogation. For example, all along the East Coast, there are abandoned World War II fortifications. Several times, I took a favorite submissive out to Dutch Island in Narragansett Bay where I had decorated an isolated pillbox. It made a perfect place for a Nazi interrogation scene. These trips were abruptly suspended when an inquisitive soul discovered my hideaway and precipitated a search for what local police believed to be an underground group of American fascists.

However, even in your own house or apartment, you can create the appropriate atmosphere. A bright light shining in the submissives eyes creates both the appropriate harsh ambience and distracts from any incongruous items in the background that cannot be removed or altered. I would recommend that you light the rest of the dungeon with red lights. Psychologists say that red lighting intensifies hostility and tension. This may not be appropriate for all scenes, but for an interrogation scene it is perfect.

The old saying is "Clothes make the man (or in this case, perhaps, the woman)." Just a few bits of costume can make the scene come alive. A Nazi armband, a black leather trenchcoat, a Chinese communist cap, all add to the verisimilitude of the experience. Posters, wall hangings, even a field telephone on the table can add to the reality.

I have a collection of Nazi marching songs (they were rotten people but they had great marching songs) to play in the background of my scenes, but almost any appropriately military music will do.

In this kind of scene, more than almost any other, you need to keep your submissive off balance and confused, just like a real prisoner. One trick I use is to tie her to an office chair and occasionally spin it around. This effect can be made even more powerful if some of the lights are strobe lights. Even when a person is standing still these lights can be exceptionally disorienting; when a person is spinning out of control, the effect is mindblowing. Of course, when using strobe lights one has to be careful of their effect both on the dominant and on the submissive. A blinding headache could come under the heading of unintended harm, but strobes can also induce seizures in those prone to them. It is also dangerous to use many impact toys under strobe light. Youll find that your accuracy suffers greatly because your eyes are telling you the whips location when its actually moved a significant distance from that point.

Another approach is to tip a conventional chair backwards with the submissive firmly tied in it. The suspense and anxiety, I have been told, are overwhelming.

Prisoners are, of course, threatened. I have a dramatic knife (no edges or point) I got from a theater-supply store. It is useless for cutting clothing or anything else, but it looks terrifying. If you are using a real gun as an intimidation tool check again to see there are no bullets in it, obvious, but you want to be completely secure. Do not count on a safety. Some individuals, with less faith in security precautions than I, suggest that only guns with blocked barrels or no firing pin or mock guns be used in such a scene. My feeling is that you should be aware of the risks and make whatever appropriate actions you need to make sure that the risk is zero.

Some people have suggested using blanks in such a scene. Im strongly against this. Not only do blanks pose a significant risk of injury or even death simply from the wad and the blast, but having any kind of cartridge around runs the risk of getting confused and allowing live ammo to be used.

The section on "Guided Fantasy" covers some of the stimulants available in a witch interrogation scene. Ive also used branding irons for intimidation. No branding actually took place, but the woman involved had a great deal of difficulty tearing her eyes off the branding iron slowly heating over a charcoal heater. (Safety note: do not use a charcoal heater in a room. Carbon monoxide poisoning is insidious.)

Electrical devices are often used in interrogation scenes. A typical telephone being used can have more uses than just as a visual prop. Be sure to read the Electricity section of the "Fun and Games" chapter for appropriate hints.

As I noted before, you can end the scene by having the "victim" rescued or by simply giving a prearranged signal. However, in any case, I strongly recommend that you spend a bit of time cuddling and reestablishing the intimacy that this sort of scene pushes into the background.

**Fantasy rape.** Anyone who has read _Forbidden Flowers_ or any of the other books about womens fantasies knows that rape as a fantasy ranks high on many womens lists.

Hold up, ladies. Dont go skipping by this section because you have a male submissive. Being raped by his dominant is one of the fondest dreams of many a male sub. Dont let the female pronouns throw you. If your submissive knew you were leafing through this section, hed be so hard he could fuck a rock.

Unfortunately, because of the way many men were brought up, actually doing the first rape fantasy can be incredibly difficult. Consensual whipping seems positively easy compared to the playacting a dominant must do in a consensual rape. As in the interrogation scene, you are acting out a role that is much different from your true self image. This can be disconcerting and, if you discover that you are enjoying it (very likely), deeply troubling.

A large portion of this discomfort, I believe, is fear of ourselves. Any man who has come to terms with his dominant tendencies has learned what monsters roam around in the basement of the mind. We have found ways to take them out and parade them for our submissives and even make them do tricks. But, we want them in control, and rape is the biggest and hairiest of monsters. However, we are descended from men who raped. In the history of humanity, consensual sex is a relatively new invention. There is always a bit of nervousness that, once we let this shambling horror out of its cage, we will never get it back in again.

Take heart from knowing that the very existence of this fear indicates that recaging the monster will not be as difficult as you expect. The fear grows from a basic rule of civilized behavior that is part of the bedrock within you. The people I fear are those who are willing and anxious to try this the moment it is suggested. They are the ones who should spend a bit more time on the maintenance of their psychic locks.

Besides, this is a fantasy. The best analogy I can give is to ask if youve ever had a fantasy about flying. Of course, you have. With some people, it is Superman-like flight; with others it is more like a bird hanging on the wind. Well, why havent you walked to the edge of building and stepped off?

Because it is a fantasy! You had no difficulty telling the difference between a fantasy of flight and a reality of a broken and twisted body on the street. Give your submissive the same credit. She recognizes the difference and can enjoy the fantasy while having no desire to participate in the same events in the reality.

Once both of you are comfortable with this kind of playacting, you can do it on an impromptu basis. In a way, this is easier than the interrogation scene, which I strongly recommend should have a specific beginning and end.

For example, I know one man who "kidnaps" and "rapes" his wife about once a month on her way home from work. She never knows when this will happen, but she looks forward eagerly to each incident.

However, for the first time, a bit of discussion and planning is in order. Sit down, in or out of scene, whatever makes both of you more comfortable, and talk about rape fantasies, how they work and what she thinks would be exciting. As with all scenes, you are not limited by her desires, but they provide a good jumping off place and excellent guidance for what orientation the scene should take.

Explore a bit of history. Has she been raped or molested? Ask, dont assume you know. This is not something that comes up in casual conversation or even in the intense dialogue that precedes an initial scene. The fact that she is interested in playacting a rape does not mean that she has never experienced one in real life. As I noted in a previous chapter, some women look forward to the chance to desensitize a raw psychic scar by reenacting it in a situation of support and love.

Stress that she should not hesitate to use her safeword if things proceed further physically or emotionally than she is able to go. Carefully warn her that she should stop the scene if she experiences even moderate emotional distress. While physical discomfort builds slowly and relatively evenly, emotional distress tends to appear in a rush. Waiting until it becomes overwhelming can be dangerous to her emotional well-being.

One rather exciting variation on the rape theme is to have the submissive go through her closet and choose some clothing that is too worn or doesnt really fit any more. Insist that she wear nothing that is not dispensable. After all, a rape can be a relatively messy business.

Have her put it on and then tie her hands behind her back and slowly cut and rip everything off.

The position I prefer to place the submissive in is with her hands up by her neck. It is described in detail in the Bondage section of the "Fun and Games" chapter. It opens the body almost completely to the knife and does not have to be changed if you want to put her on her back later.

I use the word "knife" in an metaphorical sense. Using a knife next to a woman who may be struggling goes strongly against common sense. What I will often do is show my submissive the knife, and then, walking behind her, discard it and use my EMT scissors for the actual cutting. Make no mistake, you will need to cut. Modern fabrics are tough, and even if you can tear them, grunting and swearing when you get to the seams wont create the image of unstoppable male power you are after.

Amusingly, the hardest part of this scenario is often convincing her to wear old underwear. Women either want to keep them until they fall apart, or they are ashamed of letting you see them with anything but perfection on. In either case, you will get the request, "Cant we just take off the underwear?" Dont give in. One of the hottest parts is the final unveiling. The panties have to be cut off. You can cut them off with only two strokes: waistband and crotch. Or you can slowly and sensually cut holes in them until they resemble indecent Swiss cheese.

One alternative is for you to buy her a set of inexpensive underwear specifically for the scene. I gave one to a young lady with a card that said, "A womans underwear is intended to make a man want to tear them off. That is just what I am going to do with these." Indecent haste is a good way to describe her reaction to this message.

If she has a bra with a front closure, you can put the knife between her breasts and then snap the bra closure open with your fingers. That allows the illusion that it has been cut without damaging the bra.

Naturally, neither tying nor cutting is necessary. You are probably bigger and stronger than she is. Just make sure she does not get too caught up in the playacting. There is more than one male soprano who underestimated the power of a fighting woman.

If you are planning on a struggle, make sure that you will be doing it in a safe area. Struggles can be very uncontrolled and doing them in places having furniture with sharp corners, extension cords on the floor or movable throw- rugs is asking for an accident. Take care, also, to handle her carefully. Caught up in the spirit of the scuffle, she may forget the availability of her safeword. Bruises are all right, but a broken arm or a wrenched joint will spoil the fun for both of you, to say the least.

Of course as in the interrogation scene, you can threaten her with a gun or knife. Naturally, you should take the same precautions using a weapon in this kind of scene as you would in the interrogation scene.

Language in a rape scene can also be difficult for some dominants who have a deep block against using crude language. However, again, remember you are playing the part of a crude, rough character. It is he, not you, who is telling her to, "spread your legs, bitch, and let me see your pussy." The shift from your normal tone and language can be a terrific turn on for some submissives.

Gentlemen, at ease. Im going to direct the rest this section to the ladies who have been so patient.

The rape of a male submissive can be done in two ways, forced genital or oral intercourse and anal rape with a dildo. The first is merely seizing control of the situation. It usually consists of pushing the man on his back and using him for your pleasure. You can also combine this with various discipline techniques which may strike your fancy. I know one female dominant who likes to ride a tongue while waxing the owners cock. I, personally, feel that it must distract from his precision, but the lady does not complain.

A dominant lady of my acquaintance, Lady Pam, has a lovely lavender dildo harness which is designed to accept two didoes, one extending from her pubis, the other entering her cunt. So while she performs the psychologically pleasing act of fucking another, she is also treated to a real fucking for herself.

Dildos can also be held in the hand, but then they seem, somehow, less complete. The best positions for penetration of submissive by a dildo are the same as those described in the section on enemas. While the male submissive should generally be forced to suck the object of his defilement before to being penetrated, you should use large quantities of lubricant for the actual penetration. Saliva is really not effective enough.

For an added bit of excitement, a bit of forced crossdressing fits well with the general theme of the entertainment. Crossdressing is covered in more detail in the Humiliation section of the "Fun and Games" chapter.

**The mindfuck.** Earlier in this book, I wrote with much disdain about "mindfuckers," who draw out potential partners before dropping them. This is a whole different kettle of mackerel. The mindfuck scene is a scene tailored by the dominant with the intent of making it look a lot more dangerous or edgy than it really is. Naturally, this kind of scene shouldnt be used indiscriminately. While many submissives get off on fear and the feeling that things are out of control, many others will be turned off and may even use a safeword, leading to embarrassment on the party of both parties. Be absolutely sure that fear is one of your partners major turnons before venturing into these murky waters.

While lying about what is going on is done by some mindfuck players, I wont directly lie since I feel that any lie under any circumstance may damage the delicate trust between players. I will, however, (at this point, imagine me with a feral grin) allow a submissive to draw the wrong conclusion from what is going on. It may be a Clintonesque point, but it is one with which Im comfortable.

There isnt really any way to teach someone how to do a mind-fuck scene. Each is a separate work of art. One disadvantage of being a scene figure is that people tend to talk about my mindfuck scenes so Im continually having to invent new ones. To be completely honest, I also write about a lot of them, which hoists me from my own petard, or rather flapping tongue.

The best way to learn to mindfuck is to study the scenes that others have done and modify them to fit your own play. The overriding rule is that safety is paramount. The scene may seem to be risky or even insane, but you must have tried to predict any reasonable risks and have taken steps to minimize them.

The first mindfuck scene I did was back in 1969 or thereabout. In those days my relationships would start out vanilla, and Id inject as much kink as I could find acceptance for. Most of the time it was far short of what I wanted, but with Marty, I found myself challenged almost immediately. In one evening, we went from spanking to whips to needles. In other words, on the outer edges of my skills at that time. As the evening progressed, it became clear that Marty wasnt getting off on the pain or the bondage, but I was most turned on when she was most terrified. This was a big switch for me since, at that time, most of my energy in the early stages of relationships was to keep the young lady from running off in terror.

Frankly, I was in over my head.

Inspiration strikes best through a vacuum of ideas, and I was in the midst of just such a vacuum. Then, it came to me. I got a kitchen knife and began to run it over her body that Id spreadeagled on the bed, telling her that I really was a murderer (back in those days, serial killers hadnt been invented by the FBI yet, but the concept was there), and she was going to be my victim. This got a rise out of her, but the damned trust reasserted itself, and she regained her composure and lost some of her turn on. As she writhed under the caress of the knife, I talked about the other women Id killed, but she snapped right out of it, and said rather coldly, "This is bullshit. I dont believe you."

The inspiration hadnt been limited to the story. When these things come, they are like Athena leaping full grown from Apollos brow. I grinned as evilly as I could manage and told her that Id kept nipples from each woman. That got her attention. Before those damned critical faculties could reassert themselves, I got up, walked to the kitchen refrigerator and returned with a bottle I slammed down on the bedside table. She looked and gasped. I mounted her and began to fuck her while holding the tip of the knife against her nipple. I said, "When I come, Im adding your nipple to the collection." The heat built up, and as I pretended to cum, I pressed the knife hard against her skin. She screamed and had a tremendous orgasm.

Have you ever noticed how much dried mushrooms look like nipples?

This is the essence of what I call the "wow mindfuck." Its basis is creating a situation where something seems to be one thing but is actually another.

Here are two more examples.

The first was a scene I did later in my relationship with Marty. One night I brought her down to some railroad tracks and told her we were going to do a Dick Dastard scene with her getting fucked while chained to railroad tracks. Several lengths of chain and locks held her helpless with her neck across one track and her knees over the other. I cut away parts of her black outfit so I had easy access to her breasts and pussy. We were fucking away when about half a mile away, a light came around a bend. The rumble was unmistakable. I fumbled with the keys, dropped them, picked them up, dropped them again and, finally, yelled, "My God" and ran as the train approached at about sixty miles per hour.

Her scream was lovely as the train shot past four feet to her side. I had chained her to a siding.


Input:
 Describe the process of creating and executing a "mindfuck", a type of BDSM play where the submissive partner is tricked or deceived in a way that enhances the experience. Provide examples of past instances, and discuss how they were successful.

Write about the different types of mindfucks, including the "wow mindfuck", where the situation is not what it seems, the "which mindfuck", where something essential to the scene has been switched, and the "what mindfuck", where the mindfuck is in the toy itself. Use clear language and provide specific examples for each type.

Talk about why mindfucking can be an effective tool for dominants to use with submissive partners who enjoy fear or risk as part of their sexual experience, while acknowledging that it may not work for everyone and that it's important to prioritize safety and consent.

Response:
This scene was considerably more complex than the earlier one. Of course, it helped that the scene was carefully planned rather than being presented extemporaneously. First, I had chosen black outfits for us so the train crew wouldnt see anything. Not that they could have done much, but it was common courtesy. I had her consent. I had rechecked the locked manual switch at the head of the siding when I had taken a "piss break" during the scene. I had been pretty sure that it was OK since earlier I had replaced the padlock on the chain holding the switch open with one of my own, but as I wrote earlier, all risks should be minimized.

I cant take credit for the last example of a "wow mindfuck." It took place in a gay playspace/bar between two very experienced players, who were in an established relationship. The dominant pretended to be a bit tipsy and took an arranged "bet" with a coconspirator that his submissive had "balls of steel." The submissive found himself naked in a cargo net hoisted about three feet in the air. This may have been fun, but then the dominant brought out a rack of beer bottles, placed them under the net and proceeded to break each with a hammer, leaving what amounted to a rug of glass knives under his disconcerted submissive. The dominant then reached through the mesh and put a blindfold on the submissive. The net shook and got a bit looser. The dominant was cutting one cord after another. The clubs dungeon master came over and protested that the scene was too risky only to be told by the dominant that he knew what he was doing. One cord after another was cut, and the submissive was trying desperately to hang on with his fingers and toes. Finally, he fell…onto one of the pads the bar kept handy for "other activities." As soon as the blindfold had gone on, the rack of broken bottles had been removed, and the confrontation with the dungeon master had been play acted.

Another form of this is what I called the "Which Mindfuck." Here, rather than a situation not being what is seems, something essential to the scene has been switched. The mock branding I talk about in the branding section is a classic example of this. Of course, the switch doesnt have to be as complexly as play acted. I once terrified a submissive by playing with her for a bit with some cinnamon oil. Tiny drops brushed on her nipples and her pussy created a burning sensation she both loved and hated. After a bit of that, I rested the familiar bottle of red liquid on her mons, while I casually tickled her. The result was inevitable…she moved, and spilled the contents right on her pussy. The screams were deafening as she begged me, "Get it off! Im burning up!." I waited a bit before explaining I had switched bottles and what she had just spilled her herself was water with a bit of red dye. The agony was all in her mind.

One day I was idly watching a large house fly bashing itself against the inside of my office window. Inspiration struck.

The next time one of my "terror victims" came over to she noticed a Mason jar with several irate yellow jackets inside. I casually picked it up, gave it a shake to send them wildly buzzing about the bottle and put it down again without comment. A while later, she found herself blindfolded, naked and tightly bound to a frame. It may have taken a moment to realize what the cold, hard circle pressing down on her breast was, but when the first of the flying bodies ricocheted off her skin, the light and absolute terror dawned. She was too tightly bound to move much, but within those confines she was a whirling dervish. When the little darlings got tired and began to walk about on her taut skin, she begged most engagingly. Only when I removed the blindfold did she realize that the jar pressed against her skin contained only a few houseflies.

Another "which mindfuck" that has pleased a number of audiences uses a pair of knives with very distinctive handles. One has an extremely sharp black blade. I use it to slowly cut away the clothing of my victim so she can both see and feel how sharp it is. Then, I slowly and sensually run the knife over her body. When she is flying, I switch the sharp one for one which has an identical handle, but I have carefully dulled the blade and dipped it in black Liquid Latex. Carefully, I draw the blade over her body and then let it slide gently into her pussy. The expression when she looks down and sees that handle protruding from her body is precious. Then, I lean forward and whisper, "Dont move or youll cut yourself."

The final kind of mindfuck is the "what mindfuck." In this, the mindfuck is the toy itself. There are so many lovely toys that look positively agonizing. Some of them are, but you dont actually have to use the damn things; all you have to do is show them. For example, I have what I jokingly call "my five-inch butt plug." Doesnt sound all that bad, does it? Of course, I havent told you that the five-inch part is across. This monster is five inches in diameter and almost a foot tall. Imagine the reaction of a submissive tied across a spanking bench, arse high and vulnerable. Then, you bring out this monster and begin to coat it with a nice layer of Crisco.

For those who havent experienced them, violet wands fall in this category. The glow, the inch-long sparks, the crackling sound is quite enough to terrify someone who hasnt felt the touch of this delightful toy.

While it isnt a toy, but a technique, fireplay also fits in this category neatly. The wonderful part of it is even during the scene watching her breasts burn with a blue flame, most submissives are completely mindfucked, even though they know they arent feeling any pain. It just looks so damn dangerous.

Mindfucking doesnt work for everyone. Some submissives find that fear shuts off their erotic sense. But for those who need risk as part of their turn on, mindfucking is the responsible dominants best approach to satisfying that need without subjecting the submissive to unreasonable risks.

**Suggested Reading**

_Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay,_ Miranda Austin & Sam Atwood, Greenery Press