Input: Write a section about hand jobs and oral sex, including tips and techniques for both men and women. Begin by discussing the importance of these activities and how they can be just as enjoyable and satisfying as intercourse. Provide tips on how to give a good hand job, including being slow and gentle at first, using plenty of lube, and paying attention to the rest of her body. Discuss the importance of asking your partner what they like and being open to feedback. Provide tips on how to give a good blow job, including starting with the tease, licking the head, and stimulating other sweet spots on his body. Discuss the importance of varying your speed and depth of penetration, and using your hand to cover more area than you can with just your mouth. Provide tips on rimming, including starting out slowly, exploring every little nook of your lover's asshole, and listening to your partner's verbal and nonverbal responses. End the section with a Q&A about shaving, including tips for trimming, exfoliating, shaving, and waxing.

Response:
###### 3

## MAKING THE BASICS EVEN BETTER

### _Hand Jobs and Oral Sex_

In the title of this chapter, I refer to hand jobs and oral sex as the basics because these activities—manual and oral stimulation of the penis, clitoris, vagina, and anus—are not as out of the ordinary as some of the others I cover later in the book. And to most people, they certainly arent new. But just because they are basic, that doesnt mean that hand jobs and mouth jobs are simple. They require as much skill, enthusiasm, and creativity as any other form of sex, and you can teach an old dog new tricks when it comes to hands and mouths.

Also, being basic does not make manual and oral sex less enjoyable or satisfying. I want to challenge you to see these practices in a different way; they are not just hoops youve got to jump through to get to the prize (i.e., intercourse). Too often, they are relegated to being appetizers, so we dont spend enough time on them, because we want to get to the main course. Cunnilingus and fellatio can be stimulating and satisfying activities in and of themselves. What if you were to spend one evening where you could do absolutely anything you wanted to each other except have intercourse? What would you do? How would you explore each others bodies differently? What kinds of thing would you like to do to your lover? What would you want done to you? What would bring you to orgasm?

#### Hand Jobs for Her

Men sometimes overlook the power they hold in their hands to give pleasure to their partners. Since both men and women masturbate using their own digits, it makes sense that women would enjoy manual stimulation with a partner. A well-delivered hand job can help you gauge her arousal level, warm her up for intercourse, or bring her to orgasm all by itself.

Dont go to her pussy right off the bat; kiss her, touch her, and wait until shes riled up a little. If she starts thrusting herself against your leg or you feel her panties get damp, youll know shes ready for you to travel south of the border. First and foremost, men should ask their partners what kind of manual stimulation they like. Its safe to assume she wants you to focus on the clitoral glans, but every woman is different, and it never hurts to ask. Be slow and gentle at first, and keep in mind that before a woman is completely aroused, her clitoris can be too sensitive for vigorous rubbing. So begin by indirectly stimulating her clit: rub the side of her hood, rather than directly on it.

As she gets more revved up and her clitoris swells, you can increase the rubbing, and you can move directly to her clit. Experiment with different levels of pressure and motion; some women prefer an up-and-down motion, others like side-to-side rubbing or a circular movement. There is nothing worse than a dry rub, so I recommend using plenty of lube for the optimum hand job (read all about lube in chapter 4). If she feels comfortable doing it, you may ask her to show you how she likes it—then she can place her hand over yours and guide you. Remember: if anyone knows how to do her best, its her.

Even as youre paying attention to her clit, dont ignore the rest of her pussy—rub her labia, her vaginal opening, her perineum. If she wants penetration, slowly slip a well-lubricated finger inside her, and curve it toward her navel to stimulate her G-spot (check out plenty more G-spot tips in chapter 5). Move in and out with consistent, deliberate strokes. Ask her if she wants more fingers, or if she likes it faster, harder, or deeper. Use your thumb or the palm of your hand to continue to stimulate her clit while your fingers are inside her. Make sure your nails are clean and well-trimmed; you wouldnt believe how many women have complained to me about that! Never jam your fingers inside her pussy or wander aimlessly like you are picking fruit or something. The key here is smooth, rhythmic motion. And always know that the hand job doesnt have to stop: it can and hopefully will continue during intercourse.

#### Hand Jobs for Him

Too many women feel frustrated, intimidated, or unmotivated to give a guy a good hand job. Women say they dont know how to do it, and, unfortunately, no one ever showed them the way. Some women believe that their partner can give himself the best hand job of all, so how could hers ever compete? Or women just dismiss the hand job as something a high school girl might do, an inferior, adolescent act theyve moved beyond. Remember that a well-executed hand job can be titillating, pleasurable, and fun for both partners.

The first thing women need to know about is something that will drastically improve their technique: lubricant. Thats right, just a few squirts of lube on your hand, and youll be on your way to working his cock well. Lube helps you make one smooth motion which obviously feels much better than a dry run up and down the pole. The trick is to achieve slickness and friction at once, and when youve greased the runway, its much easier to accomplish. As with anything else, when women ask their male partners what they like—or watch as he demonstrates his techniques—they feel more confident and excited about doing it because they are closer to doing it well. Women should experiment with different levels of pressure to see what feels best to him, minding long nails, so they dont scratch him. Pay close attention to the most sensitive part of his cock, the head. And dont forget about the rest of his body—play with his testicles, tweak his nipples, hey, you could even squeeze his ass.

Hand Jobs Tricks for Him and Her

#### Pussy Licking

First and foremost, oral sex should be fun for both the giver and the recipient. Guys, women can usually tell if youre not into going down on them, so dont do them any favors if you arent going to give your all. Effort and enthusiasm are always appreciated. Throw yourself into it and shell love you for it. But, while you may get an A for enthusiasm, skill and technique count toward your average, so study up. Before your mouth is full, you may want to ask her for some pointers. You cant tell how a woman wants her pussy licked just by looking at her, and chances are, the tricks that worked on your last lover will only get you so far with this one.

Like the hand job, dont rush to rug munching—your tongue techniques will feel so much better for her when shes turned on. Start by licking all around her pussy, waking her up and beginning the arousal process. When youve warmed her up, and shes juicy and swollen, concentrate on her clitoris. Alternate between different kinds of strokes: up and down, side to side, circular, and figure eights. Try making big, thick licks from the top of her clitoral hood all the way down to her perineum, and back up again. Be creative with your tongue, lips, and mouth. Some women like you to suck on their clitoris; do it gently at first to see if shes one of them. Explore different strokes and amounts of pressure.

If you want to add penetration to the mix, lube up your finger and slip inside her while your tongue works her clit. Remember to aim for that G-spot; you can even try to gently "scratch your tongue" from inside her. If your partner likes more than average pressure on her clit, try using your nose to give her the fix she craves. All the variety will help keep her entertained and give you some idea about which of your tricks work best, but at some point youre going to have to commit to one thing and stick to it to make her come—once again, rhythm and consistency will get her to ecstasy. Listen to her body. If she shoves her pussy into you, then chances are she wants more or harder or both. If she rocks her hips away from you, then slow it down and go lighter.

You should also try different positions for oral sex, and asking her whats best is always a good bet. If shes on her back, try slipping a pillow underneath her butt for an extra lift and to give you a better angle. When shes straddling your face, she can feel like shes not lying back passively but taking a more active role in her pleasure. Ultimately, you want to make sure you are in a position that doesnt have you straining your neck or other muscles. You want to be able to go the distance, not stop halfway through for a cramp. If you do get tired and need a break, take over with your hand, and alternate between hand and mouth. Remember that every womans pussy is unique, as is the way she likes it licked. Women enjoy gentle licks, quick flicks of the tongue, clitoris sucking, noses pressing, and a bevy of other sensations you can create.

Expert Muff-Diving Secrets

One more thing: every woman appreciates feeling a clean shave rub against their tender parts, rather than sandpaper stubble. Speaking of shaving, taking a razor to her pussy can not only be fun and erotic, but will heighten the sensations of oral sex. (Read more about shaving in the Q&A at the end of this chapter.)

#### Giving Great Head

Theres no doubt about it: most men love a good blow job. Plenty of women aim to please in this department, but that usually requires patience and practice. In other words, women do not come out of the womb expert cocksuckers. Most guys will tell you that the more fun shes having with the rod, the better the experience for him.

Its always best to start out with the tease. Hold his cock in your hand, lick the head, and stimulate it with flicks of your tongue. Dont neglect his testicles, his perineum, and other sweet spots on his body while youre getting ready to take him in your mouth. Try opening your mouth and gently tapping his cock against your tongue; the visual alone will make him weak in the knees. Keep in mind that he doesnt necessarily have to be rock hard for you to begin a spirited blow job. Take him in your mouth and feel as he stiffens between your lips; it will turn both of you on. Begin by generously licking his shaft from top to bottom, covering all sides. This full-coverage mouth treatment teases him _and_ lubes the pole, making it slick and much easier to slide right down. Once youre ready to begin sliding your mouth down his shaft, be mindful of your teeth (ouch!). Purse your lips into an O that covers them. And while youre pursing, you can also experiment with adding more pressure with your lips to increase the friction around his cock.

You ultimately want to achieve a smooth, single-motion slide that pays close attention to his sensitive head. Go slow at first, then vary your speed, seeing what his body responds to. You also want to play with the depth of penetration in your mouth. Lots of women feel nervous about taking a cock far enough into their mouths. Use your hand—theres no law against it, and your digits will help you cover more area than you can with just your mouth. Coordinate your rhythm, so that your mouth and hand work in tandem in one motion to create continuous friction and motion. Sure, a no-handed blow job is certainly impressive, but more difficult to pull off without practice; its a nice variation, but be very mindful of your teeth. If you wanna pull a "deep throat," it may be hard to sustain for more than a few good deep strokes, but throw it in at a few choice moments and you can really make it intense for him.

Mastering the Art of the Blow Job

Try as they might, some women simply have trouble giving head because of their gag reflex. The more nervous or worried you are, the worse the tension in the back of your throat will be. In order to solve this common problem, try to concentrate on relaxing the back of your throat. If its still too much to make giving head comfortable for you, use your hand and just concentrate your mouth on the head—its the most sensitive part anyway. Guys, a word of advice to you: let her be in control of the action. You can touch her face while shes working her magic. Its also helpful to hear your comments, but most women are turned off when you grab their head and push them down there.

#### Dont Forget the Back Door

Anilingus, more commonly known as "rimming," is stimulation of the anal area with the mouth and tongue—licking, flicking, nibbling, sucking, circling, and tongue-fucking. Many people love the simple pleasure of having their ass licked or licking a partners ass. Because the anal area is so full of nerve endings, even the tiniest sensations can register big on the turn-on meter. A good way to introduce rimming is to begin by nibbling and licking your partners butt cheeks. As with other activities, its important to explore and pleasure the whole area, rather than diving right into the crown jewel. Once youre ready to put your mouth on the anus, start out slowly. Explore every little nook of your lovers asshole—there are a million little folds and crevices to find and lick.

Some people may feel especially anxious about rimming because of the association between the asshole and defecating; we learn at an early age that if something is dirty or smells bad, we shouldnt put our mouth on it. Remember that there are normally no feces in the anus and anal canal. With proper bowel movements and regular hygiene, the anus is almost as clean as the vagina, which many of us lick with desire and enthusiasm. However, the bacteria in our rectum and feces can cause gastrointestinal problems, so use common sense.

Let your lips and tongue explore your lovers ass freely and experiment with different techniques as you go along. Listen to your partners verbal and nonverbal responses and let those help guide you. Some people like to really thrust their tongues in and out of their partners anus; you can penetrate and fuck your lovers ass to ecstasy.

**I** _told my boyfriend that I was going to shave my pussy, and he says hed like to do it. Do you have any tips for us before I go under the blade?_

Both women and men like to groom their pubic hair; I think its absolutely healthy, and a sex therapist once told me that women who regularly clip or shave their pubes have a better relationship with their pussies since they make time to look at them in a mirror and fuss over them while primping. Shaving can be practical, but it can also be an erotic activity in and of itself, whether you do it alone or with a partner. I absolutely feel sexier after I have shaved my own pussy; once all the hair comes off, I can see every inch and every fold of my own genitals. The area is also left unprotected and I become hyperaware of whats between my legs when I walk, sit down, or make any kind of move. Entrusting someone else to take a very sharp object to a very tender spot can be scary, exciting, and awfully arousing.

I do have some practical advice for you. If you have never trimmed any of that hair before, its a good idea to start out with clippers or a pair of scissors to trim it down to a more manageable bush. Before you shave, begin by gently exfoliating the skin with a soft brush (like a face brush or even a vegetable brush) and a fragrance-free exfoliating scrub. Of course, when shaving yourself or another person, you should do it in a clean, well-lit place, go slow, and be careful. Lather the area with a good shaving cream or gel, preferably one with no dyes or scents that could irritate your delicate vagina. Use a good, sharp razor (leave the wielding of straight razors to the professionals!); I prefer one of the newer models with a triple blade (such as Gillette Mach 3) over the cheap disposable single-blade kind.

Begin with the pubic mound and work your way down to the more tender parts. Shave with, rather than against, the grain. If you need to, pull the skin taut to prevent nicks or scrapes. Rinse the area with cool water. Its probably not a good idea to shave the area right before youre planning to have sex. It may become more easily irritated, and a cut might provide an opportunity for STD transmission. When the hair grows back, it will itch, so use a soothing lotion. However, I find that the more frequently you shave, the less it itches as long as you keep up with it.

If youre looking for other ways to simply remove the hair, some women do have their bikini line and beyond waxed. Waxing is a lot messier and definitely more painful. While I know some folks who do their own waxing at home, I say leave it to the professionals. Unless youve experienced another part of your body being waxed, I would not recommend that your first waxing experience be with your tender genitals. All I can say is "Ouch!" I suggest you first get some other part of your body waxed to see if you want to use that particular method on your private parts. Skip creams like Nair that promise to "remove hair"; they shouldnt be used in the genital area. If you are wondering about electrolysis, it can been done safely and effectively. There is a certain amount of pain with any electrolysis (some people describe it as a slight needle prick or a quick burning sensation), and I think that because your genital area is sensitive to begin with, theres probably more pain than, say, having your legs done. Electrolysis is permanent, although only after several treatments (about four or five), and it is expensive. Its an investment in time and money, and if I were you, I would definitely do some research into a good dermatologist or cosmetologist to do the procedure. Oh, and all these methods can also be applied to shaving your ass, or shaving a mans balls and pubic area. Turnabout is fair play, after all.


Input: Write a detailed section about lubricants and sex toys, including the benefits of using them and how they can enhance sexual experiences. Discuss the different types of lubricants available, including water-based and silicone-based, and their advantages and disadvantages. Provide tips on how to use lubricants for hand jobs, blow jobs, and penetration. Write about the different types of sex toys available, including vibrators, dildos, and cock rings, and their various uses and benefits. Include information about the materials used to make sex toys and how to properly clean and maintain them. Discuss the importance of using high-quality, body-safe sex toys and how to choose the right ones for individual needs and preferences.

Response:
###### 4

## WHAT YOU NEED TO GET THE JOB DONE

### _Sex Tools and Sex Toys_

There was a time when many believed that all you had to do to have great sex was put two naked people in a room together and let nature take its course. When adult novelties were gag gifts you giggled over at bachelor parties. When the only time you saw a dildo was in a porno. When vibrators and other sex toys were called "marital aids." That time has passed. There is a wide world of products out there designed with one purpose in mind—to make your sex life better. If you want to have the very best sex of your life, you need to take advantage of all the available tools for the job. Some people still believe that lubricants, vibrators, and other toys are for losers without lovers, couples with sexual problems, or people who cant get the job done with their God-given parts. I like to think of it as just the opposite. Some of the most sexually active and adventurous men and women regularly use all sorts of tools to kick their sex lives up a notch. Incorporating erotic products into your lovemaking routines can change your sexual world. Explore desires and fantasies you never knew you had. Transform a cuddly quickie into an all-night affair. Turn the everyday bump and grind into extraordinary sex. Make a one-come girl into a multiorgasmic woman.

#### Lubricants

Personal lubricants have been around for a long time, and before K-Y jelly was first introduced, I am sure people were improvising. When AIDS became an epidemic in the United States, sex educators were encouraging people to use latex condoms, gloves, and dental dams to protect themselves. With a lubricant, latex is much less likely to break; inside and outside a condom, lube increases movement, sensitivity, and pleasure. Thus, latex and lube were perfect partners in the safer sex revolution. As a result of the increase in safer sex practices, the use of lube rose in popularity, and there are now more brands available than ever before. But with or without latex, I think lube makes every kind of sex better; after all, the wetter and more slippery all the parts get, the hotter everything else gets, right? Doesnt everyone want a slicker hand job, a juicier finger fuck, a smoother rear entry, and even a moister muff dive? Of course you do! I am still perplexed that there isnt a tube, bottle, or supersize pump of lube on every bedside table in America, but I am hoping to change that.

Many men resist using lube during sex because they feel threatened by anything they perceive as a sexual helper. When a customer at Toys in Babeland chose to buy his wife a sizable vibrator, I suggested he also purchase some lube. He declined, insisting, "Oh, we dont need that. I can turn her on all by myself." This is a common exchange. I tried to persuade him gently, when what I really wanted to say was: the fact of the matter is that she may be plenty turned on, but that doesnt mean shell be slick enough to take that big vibe with ease. If shes not comfortable, chances are her pleasure will be compromised. Get over your insecurities and get some lube in your life!

Women too are often embarrassed or feel insecure about using a lubricant. We need to assure ourselves that using lube does not mean there is something wrong with us. In the mainstream media, lube is marketed only to postmenopausal women, since many experience vaginal dryness during and after menopause. But lube is for women of all ages.

Women are blessed with vaginas that naturally lubricate when they become aroused. But the truth is that some women are just wetter than others. For many women, how much they lubricate is not based on desire alone. There are many factors that affect how much or little womens vaginas lubricate, including menstrual cycle, pregnancy, breast-feeding, recent surgery, diet, general health, dehydration, exercise, stress level, medications, and others. In other words, you could be totally aroused, but still experience vaginal dryness.

A little lube is all you need to make penetration smoother and easier, which will leave you feeling more relaxed and sexy in the long run. Many women still silently endure friction (not the good kind), irritation, and pain from penetration that could easily be rectified by using proper lubrication. And if your partner has a larger than usual basket, well, good for him, but maybe not so good for you. Lube will help you make good use of the average to the ample, rather than leaving you feeling overwhelmed and impaled. As for anal penetration, well, you simply cannot do it without lube. And men, we know that a hand job, yours or hers, can always be improved with lube.

You may be considering (or actually using) some common household items as lube. Many people use vegetable oil, Vaseline, baby oil, lotion, or moisturizer. While they may grease the pole, these substances are not meant to be used for sex, so they dont have any of the outstanding properties of sexual lubricants. They dont stay wet for very long. Because they are oil-based, they also break down latex, so are not compatible with condoms or gloves. They are just not as good as lubes that were researched, developed, and tested especially for sex. But most important, oil-based lubricants like those mentioned are impossible to wash out of the vagina; they are a breeding ground for bacteria and very likely to cause an infection. A woman in one of my workshops asked what she could do to give her husband a really good hand job. "We use lotion, but it dries pretty quickly," she said. Not only will lube work better, but its safer for him to fuck her after she works him with her hand without the risk of sticking lotion in her pussy where it doesnt belong. Men, if you are married to that Vaseline for a hand job, make sure you wipe, then wash your penis off before you put it inside her vagina. As for anal penetration, the rectum naturally flushes itself out, so there is less, but still some, risk of infection. If you use an oil-based lubricant in a womans ass, it is very difficult to keep a small amount of that lube from dripping, migrating, or otherwise finding its way into the vagina. So, in general, you should leave oil-based lubes in the kitchen and bathroom where they belong.

Now let me address that old gooey standard, K-Y jelly. Here are the best things K-Y has going for it: you can find it in any drugstore in America (and maybe even the in-laws medicine cabinet) and it will do in a pinch. But K-Y was designed for brief medical exams, not a rockin carnal marathon, if you know what I mean. K-Y does make a lubricant marketed for "intimacy" (I just love their discretion) called K-Y Liquid which is better than its forefather the jelly. So, just put that K-Y jelly in your natural-disaster emergency kit along with the flashlight and canned food and move into the new millennium where there are many different kinds of water-based and silicone-based lubricants designed especially for sex.

Nonstaining, easy to clean up, and available in a variety of textures, water-based lubricants are condom-compatible and safe to use. Made with many different ingredients, the main one in most water-based lubes is glycerin, which gives it the ability to stay slick during sex. Some lubricants have a slight taste—either sweet, slightly chemical, or even bitter—and others dont. The rule of thumb (and forefinger) with lube is to try several different brands. What lube is the _best_ lube? The one that works for you. Better sex-toy stores sell sample-size packets of lube, and I encourage you to buy several different kinds, try them out, and then pick your favorite.

Thin, liquidy lubes feel most like womens natural vaginal fluids, which make them great for vaginal penetration. Brand names include Astroglide, Eros Woman Water Formulation, K-Y Liquid, Foreplay Lube de Luxe Liquid, Probe Light, and Wet Light. There are also thicker lubes, with consistencies like hair gel or even Vaseline. Thicker lubes tend to stay wet longer, so you have to reapply them less often. Because you need plenty of lubrication, thick lubes are a better choice than their thinner counterparts for anal penetration. Because of their gel-like qualities, they have a cushioning effect inside the delicate lining of the rectum that can make anal penetration easier and more comfortable. Examples of thick lubes are ID, Foreplay Lube de Luxe Gel or Cream, Foreplay Original, Probe Thick, and Wet Original.

If you are particularly sensitive to glycerin (and many women are) or allergic to it, you should choose a water-based glycerin-free lube. Liquid Silk and Slippery Stuff Liquid are thinner, while Hydra-Smooth, Maximus, and Slippery Stuff Gel are thicker. Glycerin-free lubes tend to dry up more quickly than those with glycerin, so either rehydrate them with a little bit of water or add more lube as needed. Glycerin-free water-based lubes are also a smart choice for women who are especially prone to chronic yeast, urinary tract, or other vaginal infections. Women who are sensitive or allergic to glycerin or prone to infections should also definitely avoid flavored lubricants. It might be a good idea for most women to avoid using flavored lubricants for penetration, and reserve them just for fellatio. I am not a big fan of flavored lubes because my feeling is that Id like to experience how my partner tastes rather than cover it up with some mouthwashy mint or artificially-flavored strawberry. However, if you are practicing safer sex and using oral barriers for cunnilingus, analingus, and fellatio, the taste of latex can be less than ideal. In those cases, a flavored lube might help you forget your mouth is on rubber and facilitate the task at hand—getting your partner to a state of ecstasy! ID Juicy Lube comes in several flavors, as do Foreplay Succulents and Wet Flavored Lubricants; check ingredients very carefully, since some of these fruity lubes may contain sugar or artificial sugar substitutes which are more likely to cause a yeast infection or aggravate a chronic yeast imbalance.

Silicone-based lubricants are the newest on the market; they are nontoxic and feel extremely light and slick to the touch. These lubes boast that theyll give you the most slippery ride of your life, and its true—lubes made of silicone stay wet for a very long time. Depending on the brand and its ingredients (read those labels, folks!), silicone lubes may or may not be tasteless and odorless. Because of its unique properties, silicone does not get sticky or tacky like a water-based lube. Many people report that silicone lubes are so thin, that you barely feel them. Their slickness make penetration smoother and easier while still allowing for plenty of pleasurable friction.

However, silicone is not absorbed into the bodys skin or tissue like water-based and oil-based lubes, which is why it stays slick forever, even longer than you may want it to. Because you cant wash silicone out of your body, you have to wait for the body to naturally flush the lube out; this process obviously happens faster in your rectum than in your vagina. If the lube is made of pure silicone without added sugar or other ingredients, there is no danger of a bacterial infection since silicone is a completely inert substance; check the ingredients since each brand is different. Wet International, maker of Wet Platinum silicone lube, also sells a product called Lubricant After Wash that helps to "degrease" you after sex with a silicone lube.

Silicone-based lubes are completely safe to use with latex and condoms. However, in some cases, silicone has a chemical reaction when it comes into contact with another silicone; this means that silicone lubricants can ruin some silicone sex toys (including dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators). If you want to use a silicone lube with a silicone toy, use a condom to protect the toy from being damaged. Silicone lubes are more expensive than water-based lubes, yet some people would argue that the cost ends up being the same since you use much less silicone lube.

Lubes at a Glance

Depending on the brand and its ingredients, lube can feel like WD-40, liquid soap, lotion, hair gel, or petroleum jelly. You should always pour lube into your hand and spread it around with your fingers or onto a cock or sex toy. Never pour it directly into any orifice. Start out with a small handful, and add more if and when you need it. If you are using a water-based lube, eventually it will start to dry up, becoming sticky and tacky. You have two options: you can add a little water to it, which will "revive" the lube, making it slick and wet again, or simply add more lube. Inside you, lube should feel wet and wonderful; it should not itch, burn, or otherwise feel irritating. If it does, you are most likely sensitive or allergic to it. Rinse the lube out with warm water and a little soap as best you can. Next time, try a different brand and see if that works better for you.

To give him a slick hand job, pour some lube into your hand and coat his cock from base to head. The lube will make your hand slide smoothly and easily up and down. When it loses its slickness and starts to get sticky, add a little water or some more lube. Especially if you are using a condom, but even if you are not, try lubing his shaft and head before you give him a blow job. Use your finger to trace your lips with lube (this is when flavor or an inoffensive taste is essential), then slide them down his shaft in one effortless stroke.

To rub her the right way, lube up your fingers and gently spread it around her pussy. Stroke her lips and the opening of her vagina. Work your way up to her clit, then rub her clitoris just the way she likes it. If her clit starts to dry up, try dipping your fingers inside her and reviving the lube with her natural wetness. Whether youve got a barrier or not, lubing her pussy before your mouth goes down there will make your job easier and enhance her enjoyment of your hard work. Choose a lube with a taste you like (you could pick a flavored one, but why mask her luscious taste?), and happy diving!

Fingers, penises, and sex toys will slide inside smoother and easier with some lube. You can introduce the slippery stuff in a way that makes it fun and sexy, rather than an unnatural interruption of the, um, flow of things. Lube should come onto the scene sooner rather than later. In other words, waiting until intercourse isnt the best use of it. For women, introducing lube early in foreplay starts to get the juices flowing. It feels good, so it will enhance her pleasure no matter what youre doing to her. It may also put her mind and body at ease if she usually feels pressure to get wet quickly.

For example, you can give him a hand job with lube, and when youre ready to have him inside you, give him some extra grease and climb on! Guys, you may want to take a handful of lube and masturbate for her. Your cock will be well lubricated, and she will have gotten a sexy little show. The same goes for the girls—you can masturbate for him, getting your pussy nice and slick with lube while you tempt him with whats just around the corner. If the foreplay is extensive (which, by the way, I always recommend!), make sure to re-lube everything before penetration. Lube makes each rub, each stroke, each thrust smoother, more comfortable, and potentially more pleasurable for both partners, no matter what the activity.

#### The Sex-Toy Revolution

Once an industry that focused on adult novelties designed for humor rather than function, sex-toy manufacturing has radically changed. Bachelor-party jokes and cheap, badly designed devices are still around, but many companies have an entirely different vision of adult products. Though still primarily in the novelty biz, industry veterans like Doc Johnson and California Exotics/Swedish Erotica have been making rubber dongs for a long, long time. The plus of these traditionalists is that they are well distributed and can be found in adult book and video stores nationwide. Plus, these companies have changed with the times and added some sophisticated products to go with their trashy blowup dolls. Armed with market research, product testing, and a sex-positive attitude, smaller, less well-known companies are making tools that not only work and are safe, but bring pleasure to thousands of people every year.

Once upon a time, the only place you could find a dildo was at a sleazy adult book or video store, squeezed in a small glass case all the way in the back. There is a whole new breed of sex-toy shops around the country, places like Toys in Babeland in Seattle and New York, Grand Opening outside Boston, A Womans Touch in Madison, and Good Vibrations in San Francisco. (See the Resource Guide at the end of the book for more information.) These clean, well-lit, sex-positive places have friendly and extremely knowledgeable salespeople who sell high-quality products and encourage their customers to explore and be empowered by sex. I urge you to take a trip to the store near you or order a catalog; these are truly revolutionary places that can change your sex life! The great thing about actually going to the store (rather than ordering online or through the mail) is that you can see and feel all the products. Plus, you can talk to the people who work there, who are experienced and knowledgeable.

Heres a look at a variety of vibrators, cock rings, and dildos to give you some ideas about whats out there. (I will cover all anal-sex toys, including butt plugs and anal beads, in chapter 6.)

#### The Joy of Vibrators

Theres a reason that hotels catering to lunchtime quickies and sex workers have vibrating beds. Theres a reason some women like to ride motorcycles and others like to sit on the drier while their sheets are fluffing dry. Both relaxing and stimulating, vibration is a wonderful addition to any sex life. Like people, vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, all speeds and styles, and some even come with attachments! Whether electric or battery-operated, these sex toys deliver a buzzing vibration that sends most women (and plenty of men) over the moon. The information in this section will focus on vibrators for women; however, you guys will get some buzz time at the end. While different vibrators produce different sensations, the feeling of a vibrator is unmatched—they move faster than any tongue or hand ever can. They also deliver a more consistent movement than any human being, and their reliability during solo or partner sex is unmatched. For some people, vibrators deliver a much stronger sensation than they can produce with their own hand or their partners.

Before I went to work at Toys in Babeland, I had owned and used one vibrator pretty sporadically. I guess being surrounded by the best and brightest inspired me; plus, how could I honestly recommend our products if I hadnt tried them myself? So, I purchased several different models and took them home for a test drive. Here I am, several vibes and dozens of batteries later, and I am hooked! What is most appealing is their power and consistency—they never get tired, uncomfortable, or lazy like my own hand does. And using them with a partner means I can concentrate on other things.

Designed for external use, internal use, or both, vibrators are especially outstanding for clitoral stimulation. They are often recommended for women whove never had an orgasm or who have a hard time achieving one. If this describes you, I definitely encourage you to try a vibrator. Dr. Betty Dodson, masturbation guru and author of _Sex for One,_ swears by vibrators for helping women come, come longer, come faster, and come better!

##### _Selecting a Vibrator_

When choosing a vibrator—especially if its your first one—I absolutely recommend a trip to the sex-toy store. You can see them in the (fake) flesh, pick them up, turn them on, feel the vibration, listen to the noise they make, and see what might work best for you. Your first consideration should be power: do you want a vibration that moves you gently to orgasm or do you need one that can shake the whole room? In general, plug-in vibrators are much more powerful than their battery-operated counterparts. But electricity also means access to a plug, so you need to be relatively close to an outlet or an extension cord. Youve got to sacrifice convenience for strength. Most plug-in models, marketed in mainstream stores and catalogs as "personal massagers," should be used for external stimulation only. If its really reliable, potent clitoral stimulation youre after, then a plug-in vibrator is best for you. Battery-operated vibrators usually require AA or C batteries. Some vibes have a separate battery pack, attached with a cord, with on/off and speed controls, while others are one unit. Some vibrators have two (or more) speeds, while others have a dial that lets you vary the speed. If you are intimidated by the drill-like speed of a plug-in or think you need only a moderate amount of vibration to get you off, then a battery-operated vibrator should be just fine. Sound may also be a consideration, especially if you have kids, roommates, thin walls, or nosy neighbors. Thats another reason why testing them out is a good idea.

Your next question should be: what do I want my vibrator to do? Remember, all vibrators can be used externally to stimulate the clitoris and the other areas of the vagina. Some models (especially the plug-in variety) can only be used on the outside of the body. Other vibrators are designed for penetration. There is also a line of dual-action vibrators that are multitasking gems; the best are manufactured and imported from Japan, but there are some less expensive American knockoffs. Dual-action vibrators are made for _simultaneous_ penetration and clitoral stimulation.

Most plug-ins are made of plastic or a combination of plastic and rubber. Battery-operated vibes range from hard plastic to soft jelly or firmer rubber. There are a select few made of silicone, which is the ideal sex-toy material. Silicone is super easy to clean (see "Care and Cleaning of Vibrators" at the end of this section), warms up with use and retains body heat, and is much more resilient than rubber.

Your personal taste will also figure into your selection—how do you want your vibrator to look? The majority of battery-operated vibes are phallic. Some simply mimic the shape of a penis, without an exact representation, while others are made to look more realistic. They come in all sorts of colors, from so-called flesh tones to rainbow brights; fancier models have flowers, animal prints, or even glittery sparkles. Most electric models look like ordinary massagers and may or may not come with an assortment of attachments. The nonphallic battery-operated ones are shaped like bullets, eggs, or cute animals (again courtesy of the Japanese). Some women are turned off by a slightly garish hot pink sparkly cock and want a more innocuous-looking object that looks less like a sex toy. Others dont mind a little glitter if it gets the job done. Its totally up to you. The following are some popular models you may want to consider. (Also see illustration 5.)

FIG. 5 VIBRATORS

##### _Popular Vibrator Models_

Wand Vibrators (plug-in, $40–68): Electric wand vibrators are the most powerful and the largest of the pack, usually nearly a foot long with a large round head. As you can imagine, these are meant for external, clitoral stimulation only. Because of their size, they may be slightly awkward if you want to use it during intercourse. The Hitachi Magic Wand is the most popular of all wand models. Thousands of women absolutely swear by the Magic Wand, and for them nothing else will do. Many women whove never used or owned a vibrator used to come into Toys in Babeland asking for the Wand and saying friends recommended it. The Hitachi Magic Wand is probably not the best choice for a first vibrator. Its just too powerful and can actually scare women off from ever using a vibrator again if their introduction to them is something that could vibrate the enamel off your teeth. Not only it is super-strong and pretty loud, its imposing size alone might intimidate the first-time user. There are several plastic attachments (including a G-spot one) designed specifically for the Magic Wand which fit over the round head and can be inserted vaginally or anally.

Coil Vibrators (plug-in, $32–36): Smaller and slightly less powerful than wands, coil vibrators are strong, quiet types. These sturdy workhorses deliver a more focused, speedy vibration than their wand sisters due to the smaller surface area of their head. Each coil vibe comes with several attachments that fit over the vibrating head; for example, Wahl makes a coil vibe with two speeds and seven different attachments. Plus, there are other attachments created especially for coil vibrators and sold separately, some of which can turn this external-stimulation-only vibe into one for penetration, too.

Pocket Rocket (battery operated, $20–24): Only a little bigger than a lipstick and powered by one battery, the Pocket Rocket is one of the best battery-operated vibrators on the market. Designed for clitoral stimulation, this two-speed jewel (which also comes in a waterproof model) can literally fit in your pocket and packs a powerful punch. You can bring it anywhere—keep one in the glove compartment for the dreaded commute, one in your desk drawer at work to relieve stress on the job. With its innocuous look, even the most timid of women will warm up to this baby. The Pocket Rocket is perfect for adding clitoral stimulation to vaginal or anal penetration with a partner because its compact size wont get in the way.

Slimline or Smoothie (battery operated, $10–20): The most traditional of all vibrators, the hard plastic vibrator looks like the giant top of a lipstick. Smooth, slick, and available in a variety of colors, the Slimline is economical and gets the job done. It comes in a variety of lengths and widths, but the most widely available size doesnt really live up to its name (about 6 1/2 inches long and 1 1/4 inches in diameter). While its phallic shape makes one automatically think of penetration, its hard exterior suggests a poke in the pussy. Penetration with a Slimline is only good for gals who prefer something very solid—its hard, inflexible plastic is definitely not everyones cup of tea. I think this vibe is often overlooked because it looks cheap and the price tag matches. The truth is that for external stimulation, its variable speed is powerful enough to suit most women and its size promises that it will cover enough surface area. This vibrator can be more difficult to use with a partner, but not impossible, especially if youre in doggie-style position.

Soft Rubber and Jelly Vibes (battery operated, $12–25): These are the most common generic vibes on the market, and the easiest to find (most often in realistic penis styles). A word of caution: they can really vary in power, speed, and noise level and are not made to stand the test of time. A relatively low vibration rarely makes them good for clitoral stimulation; however, they are made of a softer rubber which many women find more comfortable and pleasurable for penetration. But definitely use plenty of lube. Newer models also incorporate a curved shape, some more exaggerated than others, to hit the G-spot.

Pros and Cons of Popular Vibrators

Dual-Action Vibrators (battery operated, $50–120): The Japanese make some of the finest sex toys available today, and they have the market cornered on the dual-action vibrator. Sure, there are plenty of American knockoffs of this product, but they simply cannot compare to the original. The idea behind the dual action is to provide stimulation right inside the vaginal opening, vaginal penetration, and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. A rubber, phallic vibrating dildo is coupled with a cute vibrating animal whose ears, tongue, or nose works your clit. The Japanese are especially fond of incorporating little critters into their sex toys. Depending on the model, the vibrating dildo part cannot only vibrate, but rotate in one or both directions. Some of these vibrators contain a ring in the dildo filled with beads which dance around (think of a Lotto machine with its numbered balls); the ring is meant to hit just inside the vaginal opening—the most sensitive part of the vagina for many women—for an extra sensation. The dildo part and the clit part have separate controls, with a myriad of possibilities. You can put the dildo inside without vibration, rotation, or beads and just the clitoral vibe on. You can start with the dildo vibrating to warm up then add the clit crit. Or you can have it all at once. These are the most expensive vibrators on the market, so beginners may want to try some of the simpler battery-operated vibes before making a serious investment in a dual-action vibrator.

Natural Contours (battery operated, $35–40): Designed by feminist porn producer Candida Royalle, these well-constructed, hard plastic vibrators come in several different sizes and are made for external stimulation only. Nonphallic, with a modern, streamlined curved design, they are among the most discreet looking of all vibrators. If you are concerned about someone discovering your little pet or are simply turned off by the traditional phallic shape of many vibrators, then this is the one for you. Its vibration, with three variable speeds, is mild to moderate compared to others. If you are looking for a nonintimidating vibe designed by a woman, Natural Contours is a great choice.

Wearable Vibrators (battery operated, $22–38): There are tiny but powerful vibrators that come with adjustable elastic leg straps; you can actually strap the vibe onto your body and position it exactly where you want it for hands-free fun. They usually take the form of cutesy butterflies, ladybugs, and dolphins, but dont let that dissuade you. They really work and tend to be among the quieter vibes. Many women find that these are ideal for use during vaginal intercourse since their size means they dont get in the way of penetration and dont require some advanced Twister moves to hold the thing in place. But depending on how tight you wear it and how much you move around, you may have to hold it in place with a finger or two. In missionary position especially, you can be face-to-face with your partner while the little critter does all the work! Some stores also sell a leather panty with leg straps and a pouch for a small vibrator to be tucked in. Vibrating eggs or bullet-shaped vibes with a separate battery pack work best. Some women find that leather feels better than plastic, the panty actually muffles the sound of the vibration, and they can experiment with different vibrating eggs without buying a whole new apparatus. To get the most powerful one of these little critters, look for one that takes three or more batteries.

##### _Using a Vibrator_

If youve never used a vibrator before, you should start out with a simple one that has variable speeds so you can experiment with what works best for you. I also recommend that you choose one with a moderate speed. Vibrators take some getting used to, and chances are if youve never had one on your clit, a moderate one will be just fine. If you get used to it and find you want more juice, you can always upgrade later. If you are hesitant at all about a vibrator, choose one of the nonintimidating, quiet models so you can ease your way into it.

Many women like to use a vibrator alone while masturbating, which is a great road to self-pleasure and orgasm. Its also a perfect way to work out the kinks and decide what you like (which you may want to share with your partner later). Begin by turning the vibrator to its lowest setting; use it to stimulate your labia, the opening of your vagina, and the perineum. Move it around and explore what feels good; you can also experiment with different levels of pressure and see how different speeds feel. As you become more aroused, place the vibrator above or to one side of your clitoral hood. This indirect approach will help you get used to the buzzing sensation. For some women, a vibrator near the clitoral hood is enough to start their body humming and even achieve orgasm. If you want to feel more direct stimulation, place the vibrator directly on the clitoral hood. This will feel a lot more intense; if it feels too intense, back off on the pressure, decrease the speed, or move it back to the side. Make sure you are turned on before you put a vibe right on the clitoral hood; in a nonaroused state, your clit will most likely feel too sensitive to handle a vibrator right away. I know some women who actually pull back the clitoral hood and go right for the glans, and you may want to try that when youre pretty turned on—for others, its way too sensitive to do that.

Once you find a comfortable position for the vibrator, a good speed, and the right amount of pressure, begin to explore some different kinds of movement. Some women like to move the vibrator up and down or side to side; others will actually hold the vibe still and move themselves on top of it. If your vibrator is made for penetrating, you can put it inside and add another vibe for clit stimulation or alternate between the two. If you want more of an indirect vibration, you can put the vibrator against your hand and your hand against your clit.

If you find that the vibration feels overwhelming or too intense, you have a few options. You may have purchased too powerful a vibrator and youre going to have to get another one with less power. But sometimes yesterdays perfect buzz seems way too strong today. Our bodies change with our menstrual cycles, stress, diet, exercise, and illness, and sometimes we just feel more physically sensitive. In that case, I recommend turning the vibrator down or putting a few fingers between your clit and your buzzing friend. You may also simply need to work your way up to the strong vibration. One trick I learned from Betty Dodson, the mother of masturbation, is to put a washcloth between the vibrator and your clit. You can fold the washcloth as many times as you need to, and it will act as a buffer to lessen the vibration. Gradually, as you get more practice and feel ready for stronger vibration, you can unfold the washcloth, making the barrier thinner and thinner until you no longer need it at all.

##### _Using a Vibrator with Your Partner_

In addition to gaining knowledge about your body and its pleasure, a wonderful result of experimenting with a vibrator by yourself is that you can dole out instructions to your partner about what feels good. Thats right: vibrators arent just for lonely spinsters, single gals, or those of you married to traveling salesmen. They can also be used as a fun addition to sex with your partner. Some men wont want their partners to use a vibrator for fear that it will replace them. The truth is that vibrators offer a unique sensation different from what a person can give you. But that doesnt mean that it renders people obsolete.

Men, you can discover a lot from watching a woman use her vibrator; learn how she masturbates with it, what feels good, how much pressure she likes, her unique sweet spots for clitoral stimulation. Vibrators can be a part of foreplay; your partner can use one to tease you and turn you on. Men, remember not to go directly for her clit with a vibe before shes had some warm-up with your hand or mouth first. Test the waters by exploring all different areas of her pussy with the vibrator. Depending on the type of vibrator, you can experiment with its possibilities. Vary the speed, pressure, and position of the vibe—shell let you know when youve struck gold. Once shes worked up, she may want you to stop wandering around with it and stay in one place for a while, so be prepared to stop dawdling and get down to business.

Vibrators can help men be in two places at once when women use them to add clitoral stimulation to vaginal or anal penetration. Sometimes, you can be in a position ideal for thrusting and pumping, but one that doesnt lend itself to you working her clitoris. Okay, so youre not actually in two places at the same time, but all she will know is that your cock inside her feels even better with something buzzing against her clit. Models especially good for use during penetration with a partner are the ones that actually strap to the body, small models like the Pocket Rocket, and vibrating eggs that can be held in place with a couple of fingers. Depending on the position you are in, it might be most feasible for her to hold the vibe. In order to stay connected to her, put your hand over hers or reach for the vibrator and press it against her at an appropriate moment. You may want to consider using a vibrator for penetration in order to achieve double penetration with a partner; he may enjoy feeling the vibration while he is inside you.

Care and Cleaning of Vibrators

Vibrators also come in handy when you and your partner want assistance for one reason or another. For example, maybe youve made a valiant effort to go down on her or give her an extended hand job. Your mouth or hand (or both) are tired, but she still wants to come, and she knows just the thing that will get her there—the vibrator. When she finally goes over the edge, you can still take credit for it, since your efforts made the relief pitchers job that much easier.

Perhaps you shot your load before she did. Shes still hot and heavy, but you are spent and sleepy. Reach for the vibrator, and you are back in action! Whether she wants more in-and-out or clitoral stimulation or both, youre now equipped to give her an orgasm as great as the one you just had.

If your gal is a multiorgasmic wonder and youre having trouble keeping up, a vibrator can be the solution, and your new best friend. It can keep her coming and coming as much as she likes, while keeping you from developing lockjaw or carpal tunnel syndrome. As long as you stay connected to her—instead of plugging the vibrator in and heading to the kitchen for a snack—vibrator sex can still be a two-person project thats just as fulfilling and satisfying as the old-fashioned way.

##### _Vibrator Addiction?_

Some women believe that they will become addicted to or reliant on a vibrator in order to achieve orgasm, and, unfortunately, this keeps them from ever trying one in the first place. Realize that most women find that the kind of orgasm they have with a vibrator is different from the kind they can give themselves with their hand, which is different from the kind they get from oral sex, and so on. Vibrators can be used as an alternative to, not a substitute for, flesh-on-flesh contact. If you feel anxious about falling too far in love with your vibrator, make sure to alternate using your digits (and his) with using the vibe.

Remember too that youre going to have to log a lot of vibrator hours to get you so used to it that nothing else will measure up. Even the most avid lifelong vibe users find they can still make themselves come without one. After frequent use, if you find that you have difficulty coming without a vibrator, or if you feel youve become hooked, give yourself a vacation from the vibrator for a little while, and go back to it when you are ready. That same rule applies if youve used your vibrator a lot in a short period of time and feel like youve "ruined" your clit. Repeated or prolonged use of a vibe can certainly leave your clitoris feeling raw, sore, overworked, or extremely sensitive. It may also leave it feeling desensitized or even numb. Dont be alarmed—normal feeling will return and you havent done permanent damage. Youve just worn your body out! Lay off the buzz for a while, give your clit a rest, and then take it easy, okay?

##### _Men and Vibrators_

Vibrators are not just for women—men too can enjoy their powerful, stimulating possibilities. Guys, you can use any of her vibrators to stimulate your balls, your perineum, and the base and shaft of your penis. If your partner uses a vibrator, you may want to try it out one day, alone or with her. Start with a low speed, and see how it feels buzzing against different parts of your genitals. There is also a great attachment for coil vibrators made especially for men called the "come cup." It looks like a rubber tulip and fits on the head of the vibrator. Lubricate the head of your penis and the inside of the cup. Stick the head inside the come cup and feel it vibrate against you.

Made of rubber or vinyl, vibrating sleeves are sheaths that vibrate around the penis. Lubricate your cock and the inside of the sleeve. Slip inside the sleeve and turn on the vibration, adjusting the level according to what feels good. Slide the sleeve up and down your shaft; the surrounding vibration adds an extra level of stimulation to any hand job.

#### Penis Pumps

For years, the penis pump has been one of the most popular sex toys for boys. They are available in several different styles. The simplest, most inexpensive kind is an all-in-one unit: a plastic cylinder and a tube leading to a pumping mechanism. Some of them also contain vibrating eggs for extra sensation. If you want to spend more money for more suction, there is a two-piece mechanism of a handheld hose pump and a detachable plastic cylinder (which is available in several different sizes). Heres how a penis pump works: the bottom of the cylinder creates a vacuum seal around the base of the dick, and with each squeeze of the pump, suction and pressure increases, and blood rushes to your penis. Slip your lubricated cock into its cylinder, and the suction gives you an erection and helps you maintain it. The advantage of a detachable cylinder is that you can pump up, then detach the pump, leaving the pressurized cylinder on. Some men like to use pumps to masturbate, but you might also consider trying it with your partner. Give her the controls, and she can be the one to pump you up.

#### Cock Rings

Made of a variety of materials, cock rings fit snugly around the base of the penis and the scrotum. Cock rings restrict the flow of blood out of the penis, a sensation that can be very pleasurable to some men. This restriction can give a man a firmer erection and help him maintain an erection longer than usual. Cock rings are an acquired taste. Some guys say that cock rings are uncomfortable and cut off their circulation, a decidedly unpleasant feeling. Cock rings definitely take some getting used to because they are indeed very tight.

Latex and metal cock rings are simple in design—theyre solid, continuous rings that come in several different diameter sizes. You need to put this type of cock ring on _before_ you get an erection. Once its on and you get an erection, its on for good. If you want to take it off, youve got a few options: let your erection go down; have an orgasm that will make your erection go down (this may be difficult if you are really uncomfortable); or cut the ring off with scissors (impossible for the metal variety without power tools—ouch!). There are also stretchy rubber rings which have a textured nub or several nubs on them; these are good for partner sex. Wear the nub on top of your cock and it will stimulate a womans clitoris during vaginal penetration. These also need to be put on before youre erect.

If you are a newcomer to the world of cock rings, you may want to choose one thats easier to put on and take off. Leather, vinyl, and nylon cock rings have snaps or Velcro, so they are easy to adjust and remove. You should still put one on before you get an erection. The difference with this style is that you can adjust the size if it isnt comfortable or take it off altogether if you dont like it. But remember, like anything else thats new, the feeling takes some getting used to. Give it a fair chance before you throw in the towel.

There are also cock rings—made of hard plastic, rubber, or latex—that have a small bullet vibrator and a battery pack attached (which also serves as the controls). You can position the vibrator portion in two different ways. If youre masturbating, try it underneath the shaft for stimulation of the scrotum. With a partner, move the bullet on top to hit her clitoris during vaginal penetration. Keep in mind that some women may find this toy more frustrating than pleasurable, since rhythmic thrusting during penetration means the vibrator stimulates her clit on and off. To rectify the situation, try staying inside her and moving only slightly to achieve better contact between the vibrating portion of the cock ring and her sensitive clitoris. When you simply must start pumping again, she can switch to using her hand.

Experiment with different kinds of cock rings to see which ones work best for you and are the most comfortable to wear. In general, beginners should not leave a cock ring on for more than fifteen minutes to a half hour at a time. Like anything else, slowly work your way up to wearing it for longer periods of time. Advanced cock-ring connoisseurs can look for a variety of styles that venture beyond the simple ring design—explore decorative studs, stimulating nubs, complex ball separators, and other fancy features.

#### Dildorama


Input: Write a detailed section about dildos, including how they can enhance sexual experiences for both men and women. Discuss the different materials used to make dildos, including rubber, silicone, and thermal plastic, and their advantages and disadvantages. Provide tips on how to use dildos for masturbation and partner sex. Write about the different shapes and sizes of dildos available, including realistic and non-realistic designs. Include information about how to clean and maintain dildos. Discuss the importance of using high-quality, body-safe dildos and how to choose the right one for individual needs and preferences. Additionally, address common concerns and misconceptions about using dildos, such as the belief that they will replace a partner or that they are only for people with sexual dysfunction. Finally, provide advice on how to introduce and use sex toys with a partner, including addressing any hesitations or concerns they may have.

Response:
Dildos are inanimate objects used for penetration. Many women find that they like to masturbate with dildos or use them in partner sex. The stereotype that men wont get a dildo for their wives because "then she wont need me anymore" is silly. Using dildos and other sex toys with a partner is a great way for men to increase their artillery. You can use a dildo to warm her pussy up for your cock. Or, for plenty of couples, their bodies are not always a perfect fit. Lets face it, as women get older, and especially if they have kids, everything gets bigger. Men already have anxieties about size, and when the vagina they are trying to please gets bigger, they can really freak out. Ladies, instead of dishing out cash for the misogynist cosmetic surgery that tightens your vagina to virginlike quality, simply encourage your sweetie to put something bigger than biology inside you. Or maybe youve got a different problem. Your man is very well endowed, and youre more than happy to comfortably accommodate him with your vagina; yet, when it comes to your ass, hes too large for it to work for you. Heres where a dildo thats smaller than him can mean you can still get the back-door attention you crave.

Men: If you come first and she hasnt yet, or she wants to come again before youre ready for round two, slip her favorite dildo inside her; its a sure way to keep up with your multiorgasmic lover without taking Viagra. Or perhaps shed like to experience double penetration without inviting a neighbor over. One cock plus one dildo can equal two happy holes for her (and for you).

Guys, dont think of a dildo as a cop-out. Expand your world and realize that sex does not always have to revolve around your penis. A dildo may not be part of your body, but when its on the end of your hand, youre still the one whos going to get the credit for showing your girl a great time. And, take it from me, she will have a great time.

##### _Selecting a Dildo_

It used to be that there were few appealing dildos on the market; designed to look like realistic cocks, they were poorly made and, if they were trying to represent "the real thing," they werent doing a very good job. But that was before women got their manufacturing hands on them! Today there are a wide variety of dildos for sale, and there is a small niche of women-owned and run companies making dildos that not only look and feel good, but get the job done right. From dirt cheap to top-of-the-line, dildos come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, textures, and materials. This potpourri makes choosing one difficult.

Your first consideration should be what the dildo is made of. The two most common materials are rubber and silicone. The biggest plus about rubber is economic: rubber cocks are pretty inexpensive. So, if you are dipping your toes into the dildo pool and arent quite sure what you want yet, you can purchase a rubber dick for twenty dollars or less. If youre not satisfied or decide your eyes were bigger than your orifices, you can always buy another one. Most rubber cocks come in several colors, and vary from smooth or textured firm latex rubber to a clear, softer, jellylike rubber. The jellies look nice and the texture is super-soft and flexible, but eventually the surface tends to get small cuts in it. Jelly rubber toys are not long-lasting and will eventually need to be replaced. Because rubber dildos are porous and bacteria can linger on them, you cannot completely disinfect them; if you plan to share one with someone else, you should use a condom on it. Or you need to designate a toy as yours alone, and get another one for your lover. When you want to clean a rubber dildo, wash it in hot water and antibacterial soap or a sex-toy cleaner (sold most places where you can buy sex toys, these cleaners usually contain Nonoxynol-9). Let it air dry and remember that just because its clean doesnt mean you should share it.

Silicone dildos are more expensive than rubber ones ($35–$100), but many people, me included, say they are worth the price. Silicone is an extremely resilient material and could last you an entire lifetime (some manufacturers even offer a lifetime guarantee!). Silicone dildos vary in their consistency, depending on the manufacturer, and can be soft, semifirm, or super-firm. Theres also another edge that silicone has over plain old rubber: it conducts body heat and vibration. As you use the toy, it warms up inside you, and if you touch a vibrator to the end of a silicone dildo, you can feel the vibration all the way from the base to the tip. Silicone dildos come in a rainbow of colors (including metallics, glitters, and even ice-cream swirled designs!) and can achieve unique textures (like subtle bumps and ridges) that you cannot find in a rubber cock.

Companies like women-owned Vixen Creations make high-quality, top-of-the-line silicone toys in a wide variety of styles and sizes. The best thing about them is that they really work—you can tell they were designed and tested with sex in mind. All Vixen products come with a lifetime guarantee; if anything happens to it, you can return it for a replacement!

Silicone is completely nonporous, so its very easy to clean and disinfect, which means that you can share silicone toys with different partners safely. To clean a silicone dildo, simply wash it in hot water and antibacterial soap, let it air dry, and its good to go! You can boil silicone dildos in hot water for about three minutes, put them in the top rack of the dishwasher, or use a sex-toy cleaner with Nonoxynol-9. One other important tip to keep your silicone sex toys happy and healthy: do not use a silicone lubricant with a silicone toy without covering it with a condom—some silicone lubes have been known to ruin some silicone toys, and you dont want to take any chances!

The newest sex-toy material on the market is thermal plastic which folks may recognize from the brand name Cyberskin. These dildos have an extremely lifelike look and feel and they warm to body temperature; some say its the closest thing to skin-on-skin sensation theyve ever felt. The one drawback is in the difficulty of cleaning and maintaining these wonders. You have to wash the toy with hot water and antibacterial soap immediately after you use it (you do not want to leave it lying around overnight, trust me), then lightly powder it with cornstarch ( _not_ talc or baby powder) to return it to its original texture. Without the corn starch, the dildo becomes super-sticky, picks up all kinds of dust and lint, and is ruined pretty quickly. Some might call these high maintenance, but others say they are well worth it. Some women have also found that they have a bad reaction to this material, which may cause irritation and discomfort in the vagina. Id suggest using a latex condom if youre sensitive to this material, but the condom sort of defeats the purpose of the super-realistic skin feel.

For those of you looking for a dildo thats beyond firm to downright rock hard, there are dildos made of clear acrylic, glass, wood, ceramic, and even metal. These rare beauties tend to look as good as they feel, but are definitely going to cost you. Each material is different, and you should ask the manufacturer or retailer about its unique features and cleaning instructions. Although there are several glass dildo manufacturers that Ive seen, I can only recommend those dildos made of Pyrex-strength glass, which is safest and least likely to break (ouch!).

A company called Innerspace makes some of the most beautiful, artistic, and unique sex toys I have ever seen. These toys are handmade of crystal-clear, seamless acrylic, making them both stunning and functional. Acrylic (such as Lucite) is completely inert and very easy to clean. Once inserted into the vagina or the rectum, several of the dildos and the butt plug act as magnifying glasses, and with some light you can see everything. Perfect for art lovers and science geeks. Because they are super-firm and many models are curved, some women think they are ideal for G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation.

Once youve decided on your material, you need to think about how you want your dildo to look. If you want one that totally resembles the male member, youre more likely to find it in rubber or Cyberskin with balls, head, veins, and all. Mainstream companies like Doc Johnson, California Exotics, and Ben Wa specialize in rubber realistics. If you want realism, but will do without details like veins, you can find realistic silicone dildos as well.

Perhaps youre down with the phallic shape, but dont need it to actually look like a cock to work for you. There are plenty of dildos (made of rubber or silicone) that adopt that oh-so-traditional shape, but leave off any other references to its penile brother. Theyre usually available in bright colors, from the size of a large finger to a thick rod thats seven inches long and more than two inches in diameter.

Maybe you want to get away from the penis-substitute concept altogether, and have a dildo that looks (almost) nothing like a dick. Well, you can do that too. There are dildos fashioned into the shape of goddesses, cats, dogs, dolphins, and even shoes made by a company called Dils for Does that is known for its innovative designs in sex toys.

Another factor to keep in mind when choosing a dildo is the firmness; do you want soft, medium, or very hard? Remember that, depending on the manufacturer, the firmness of silicone can vary widely. Keep in mind that the firmer the dildo, the less flexible it will be. Dildos that are curved are designed to hit the G-spot in women and the prostate gland in men. If you want to wear a dildo in a harness, make sure it has a wide base and is compatible with the harness. (Look for details on dildo/harness sex in chapter 5 and sex-toy manufacturers in the Resource Guide.)

##### _Using a Dildo_

Women: As with any other sex toy, you may want to use a dildo by yourself first and figure out what you like. Its a great way to spice up your masturbation routine. Many women like to have something inside their vagina or ass while stimulating their clitoris, and using a dildo is often easier than using your own hand. Dildos can also be tools for learning during your self-loving sessions: if you had control over your partners penis, how would you have it penetrate and please you? Experiment with different positions to see how they change the angle, depth, and sensation of the penetration.

If youve never used a dildo before, Id start with a soft, flexible one. If you find its not hard enough for your taste, you can always upgrade later. Use plenty of lube on the dildo—remember, it is a dry, inanimate object that will feel much better inside you when its slick and rarin to go!

Start slow and tease with the dildo; rub it on the outside of the vaginal opening, against the labia and clitoris. Start penetration with a well-lubed finger or two to get your body warmed up and ready for something bigger. Along with the dildo, you may want to add clitoral stimulation. Clitoral stimulation will feel great and help your vagina to relax and get ready for the dildo. Never just shove a dildo inside; there will be plenty of time for fast and furious later on, but in the beginning its best to be slow, methodical, and gentle. If the dildo is curved, make sure the curve is going toward the navel, so youre hitting the G-spot.

You can choose to keep dildo play all to yourself, or you can introduce it into sex with your partner. As part of foreplay, he can tease you with a dildo. Men, dont assume its only good for penetration. Rub it against her lips, her opening, and her clit. You can give her a hand job with a dildo, too. If your girl likes penetration to build from fingers to your cock, you can pick a dildo thats smaller than you that will relax and expand her pussy, get her aroused, and make the transition to your cock smooth and comfortable. While the dildo is inside her, you can go down on her, rub her clit with your fingers, or use a vibrator on her.

Women: if your partner has a sizable penis, starting out with a dildo can be a good way to warm up for it. If you have exhibitionist tendencies, use the dildo on yourself. Men, pay attention! By watching her closely, you could learn something about what turns her on and how she likes to be fucked. If she really likes her G-spot stimulation, but your fingers arent enough to fill her and you cant seem to hit the spot with your cock, a curved dildo is the way to go. (See chapter 5 for more on G-spot stimulation.)

If you came, and she didnt, you could bring her to orgasm with clitoral stimulation. But, if she wants something inside her still, lube up a dildo, slide it inside her, and continue pumping away. Its like picking up where you left off. You can even get her into some wild positions that might not have been possible when the cock was attached to your body. Maybe you both came, but shes ready for round two before you are "up" to the task. A dildo is your knight in shining armor: give her eight orgasms in one night without having a heart attack.

#### Using Sex Toys Together

If you sense that your partner is not welcoming sex toys into your erotic life with open arms, dont be discouraged. You dont want to pressure anyone into doing something he or she does not want to do, but an open, honest discussion is appropriate and necessary to see if you can compromise at all. Ask your partner why he or she isnt interested in exploring this new realm of sexuality. Does she think its weird? Does he believe that youll fall in love with your vibrator and not need him anymore? Is she wary of changing your sex life in any way? Does he feel threatened that he isnt enough on his own for you? These are all common apprehensions that can usually be quelled with a little love and reassurance.

Approach a hesitant partner with compassion and respect, and explain that you want to try a sex toy to enhance your sex life. Assure your lover that your idea does not mean you think what you already have needs improving; instead, you simply want to experiment with something new. Sex toys are healthy, positive additions to anyones sex life. If you and your partner are committed to each other and a growing sexual relationship, then you should be able to try almost anything at least once just to see what its like.

**A** _fter I have a long night of vigorous sex or after several days of fucking, I seem to always get some kind of vaginal infection, either a yeast infection, a urinary tract infection (UTI), or both at once. Its becoming a chronic problem; whats wrong with me? Is there anything I can do?_

Many different things cause yeast infections, including stress; antibiotics; tight panty hose, jeans, or underwear; pregnancy; menopause; even a high-sugar diet. Likewise, poor diet, birth-control pills, wiping back to front, pregnancy, menopause, stress, or a sudden increase in sexual activity can all cause urinary tract infections. If you are diagnosed with a yeast infection or a UTI, you need to make sure that you use all the recommended medication and you refrain from sex during the treatment. Women often feel better in a few days, but if they stop treatment or resume sex before they are fully healed, they end up aggravating the infection or becoming reinfected, and its a vicious cycle. There are traditional medical treatments as well as homeopathic ones; whichever you choose, complete the treatment. Oil-based lubricants can lead to vaginal infections, so you should definitely use only a water-based lubricant, and I highly recommend you switch to one without glycerin, which many women are sensitive or allergic to. After a romp, I suggest you do two things: pee and wash up. Peeing will flush out any bacteria which may have gotten trapped in the urethra (which can easily happen, especially in certain positions or with deep thrusting) and can cause a UTI. Taking a brief warm soapy shower to wash your genitals will ensure that most of the lubricant is flushed out of your body, which means less of a chance of getting an overgrowth of yeast. I know its not the most romantic thing in the world to do immediately after sex, but approach it this way: either encourage your lover to join you in the shower or remind him that a quick shower means you can remain infection-free.