diff --git "a/The New Topping Book.jsonl" "b/The New Topping Book.jsonl"
--- "a/The New Topping Book.jsonl"
+++ "b/The New Topping Book.jsonl"
@@ -1,27 +1,27 @@
 {"input": "1. Q: Who holds the copyright for the book?\nA: Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy hold the copyright for the book.\n2. Q: When was the copyright for the book obtained?\nA: The copyright for the book was obtained in 2003.\n3. Q: What rights are reserved by the copyright holders?\nA: All rights are reserved by the copyright holders, including the right to reproduce the book in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher.\n4. Q: Are there any exceptions to the restrictions on reproducing the book?\nA: Yes, brief passages of the book may be quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or Internet reviews.\n5. Q: Who designed the cover of the book?\nA: DesignTribe designed the cover of the book.\n6. Q: Who created the illustration on the cover of the book?\nA: The illustration on the cover of the book is by Fish.\n7. Q: Who is the publisher of the book?\nA: Greenery Press is the publisher of the book.\n8. Q: Where is the publisher located?\nA: The publisher is located in Eugene, OR.\n9. Q: What is the website of the publisher?\nA: The website of the publisher is [www.greenerypress.com](http://www.greenerypress.com).\n10. Q: Who distributes the book?\nA: SCB Distributors distribute the book.\n11. Q: Where is the distributor located?\nA: The distributor is located in Gardena, CA.\n12. Q: What is the nature of the book?\nA: The book is about BDSM and includes guidelines for minimizing potential physical and emotional risks associated with these activities.\n13. Q: What is the risk associated with BDSM activities?\nA: BDSM activities carry an inherent risk of physical and/or emotional injury.\n14. Q: What is the responsibility of the reader when engaging in BDSM activities described in the book?\nA: The reader is encouraged to be aware of the potential risks associated with BDSM activities and to accept personal responsibility for those risks.\n15. Q: What is the responsibility of the authors, publisher, and anyone else associated with the book when the reader engages in BDSM activities described in the book?\nA: Neither the authors, the publisher, nor anyone else associated with the creation or sale of the book is responsible for any damage sustained by the reader when engaging in BDSM activities described in the book.\n16. Q: What is the reader agreeing to when acting on the information in the book?\nA: When acting on the information in the book, the reader agrees to accept that information as is and with all faults.", "response": "\n\n> > > > > \u00a9 2003 by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy\n\n> All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.\n\n> Cover design: DesignTribe\n\n> Cover illustration: Fish\n\n> Published in the United States by Greenery Press, P.O. Box 5280, Eugene, OR 97405, www.greenerypress.com.\n\n> Distributed by SCB Distributors, Gardena, CA.\n\n> > > > Readers should be aware that BDSM, like all sexual activities, carries an inherent risk of physical and/or emotional injury. While we believe that following the guidelines set forth in this book will minimize that potential, the writers and publisher encourage you to be aware that you are taking some risk when you decide to engage in these activities, and to accept personal responsibility for that risk. In acting on the information in this book, you agree to accept that information as is and with all faults. Neither the authors, the publisher, nor anyone else associated with the creation or sale of this book is responsible for any damage sustained.\n"}
-{"input": " 1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"Contents\".\n2. Q: What is the first item listed in the section?\nA: The first item listed in the section is the \"Foreword: Re-Visioning\".\n3. Q: What is the second item listed in the section?\nA: The second item listed in the section is \"1. Hello Again!\".\n4. Q: What is the third item listed in the section?\nA: The third item listed in the section is \"2. What Is It About Topping, Anyway?\".\n5. Q: What is the fourth item listed in the section?\nA: The fourth item listed in the section is \"3. What Do Tops Do?\".\n6. Q: What comes after the third item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the third item listed in the section.\n7. Q: What is the title of the first interlude?\nA: The title of the first interlude is not provided.\n8. Q: What is the fifth item listed in the section?\nA: The fifth item listed in the section is \"4. Rights and Responsibilities\".\n9. Q: What is the sixth item listed in the section?\nA: The sixth item listed in the section is \"5. How Do You Learn To Do This Stuff?\".\n10. Q: What comes after the fifth item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the fifth item listed in the section.\n11. Q: What is the title of the second interlude?\nA: The title of the second interlude is not provided.\n12. Q: What is the seventh item listed in the section?\nA: The seventh item listed in the section is \"6. Soaring Higher\".\n13. Q: What is the eighth item listed in the section?\nA: The eighth item listed in the section is \"7. BDSM Ethics\".\n14. Q: What is the ninth item listed in the section?\nA: The ninth item listed in the section is \"8. On Your Mark\u2026 Get Set\u2026\".\n15. Q: What comes after the eighth item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the eighth item listed in the section.\n16. Q: What is the title of the third interlude?\nA: The title of the third interlude is not provided.\n17. Q: What is the tenth item listed in the section?\nA: The tenth item listed in the section is \"9. Go!\".\n18. Q: What is the eleventh item listed in the section?\nA: The eleventh item listed in the section is \"10. And If It Doesnt Go the Way You Planned?\".\n19. Q: What is the twelfth item listed in the section?\nA: The twelfth item listed in the section is \"11. Toys for Tops\".\n20. Q: What comes after the eleventh item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the eleventh item listed in the section.\n21. Q: What is the title of the fourth interlude?\nA: The title of the fourth interlude is not provided.\n22. Q: What is the thirteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The thirteenth item listed in the section is \"12. Finding Others\".\n23. Q: What is the fourteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The fourteenth item listed in the section is \"13. Special Cases\".\n24. Q: What is the fifteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The fifteenth item listed in the section is \"14. Full-Time D/S\".\n25. Q: What is the sixteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The sixteenth item listed in the section is \"15. Shadow Play: Darkside S/M\".\n26. Q: What is the seventeenth item listed in the section?\nA: The seventeenth item listed in the section is \"16. S/M Spirituality: From the Top\".\n27. Q: What is the eighteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The eighteenth item listed in the section is \"17. The Light That Shines In the Darkness\".\n28. Q: What is the nineteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The nineteenth item listed in the section is \"Resource Guide\".\n29. Q: What is the twentieth item listed in the section?\nA: The twentieth item listed in the section is \"Poem: Scream\".", "response": "\n\nCONTENTS\n\n> Foreword: Re-Visioning\n\n1\\. Hello Again!\n\n2\\. What Is It About Topping, Anyway?\n\n3\\. What Do Tops Do?\n\n> interlude 1\n\n4\\. Rights and Responsibilities\n\n5\\. How Do You Learn To Do This Stuff?\n\n> interlude 2\n\n6\\. Soaring Higher\n\n7\\. BDSM Ethics\n\n8\\. On Your Mark\u2026 Get Set\u2026\n\n> interlude 3\n\n9\\. Go!\n\n10\\. And If It Doesnt Go the Way You Planned?\n\n11\\. Toys for Tops\n\n> interlude 4\n\n12\\. Finding Others\n\n13\\. Special Cases\n\n14\\. Full-Time D/S\n\n15\\. Shadow Play: Darkside S/M\n\n16\\. S/M Spirituality: From the Top\n\n17\\. The Light That Shines In the Darkness\n\n> Resource Guide\n\n> Poem: Scream\n"}
+{"input": " 1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"Contents\".\n2. Q: What is the first item listed in the section?\nA: The first item listed in the section is the \"Foreword: Re-Visioning\".\n3. Q: What is the second item listed in the section?\nA: The second item listed in the section is \"1. Hello Again!\".\n4. Q: What is the third item listed in the section?\nA: The third item listed in the section is \"2. What Is It About Topping, Anyway?\".\n5. Q: What is the fourth item listed in the section?\nA: The fourth item listed in the section is \"3. What Do Tops Do?\".\n6. Q: What comes after the third item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the third item listed in the section.\n7. Q: What is the title of the first interlude?\nA: The title of the first interlude is not provided.\n8. Q: What is the fifth item listed in the section?\nA: The fifth item listed in the section is \"4. Rights and Responsibilities\".\n9. Q: What is the sixth item listed in the section?\nA: The sixth item listed in the section is \"5. How Do You Learn To Do This Stuff?\".\n10. Q: What comes after the fifth item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the fifth item listed in the section.\n11. Q: What is the title of the second interlude?\nA: The title of the second interlude is not provided.\n12. Q: What is the seventh item listed in the section?\nA: The seventh item listed in the section is \"6. Soaring Higher\".\n13. Q: What is the eighth item listed in the section?\nA: The eighth item listed in the section is \"7. BDSM Ethics\".\n14. Q: What is the ninth item listed in the section?\nA: The ninth item listed in the section is \"8. On Your Mark\u2026 Get Set\u2026\".\n15. Q: What comes after the eighth item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the eighth item listed in the section.\n16. Q: What is the title of the third interlude?\nA: The title of the third interlude is not provided.\n17. Q: What is the tenth item listed in the section?\nA: The tenth item listed in the section is \"9. Go!\".\n18. Q: What is the eleventh item listed in the section?\nA: The eleventh item listed in the section is \"10. And If It Doesn\u2019t Go the Way You Planned?\".\n19. Q: What is the twelfth item listed in the section?\nA: The twelfth item listed in the section is \"11. Toys for Tops\".\n20. Q: What comes after the eleventh item listed in the section?\nA: An interlude comes after the eleventh item listed in the section.\n21. Q: What is the title of the fourth interlude?\nA: The title of the fourth interlude is not provided.\n22. Q: What is the thirteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The thirteenth item listed in the section is \"12. Finding Others\".\n23. Q: What is the fourteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The fourteenth item listed in the section is \"13. Special Cases\".\n24. Q: What is the fifteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The fifteenth item listed in the section is \"14. Full-Time D/S\".\n25. Q: What is the sixteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The sixteenth item listed in the section is \"15. Shadow Play: Darkside S/M\".\n26. Q: What is the seventeenth item listed in the section?\nA: The seventeenth item listed in the section is \"16. S/M Spirituality: From the Top\".\n27. Q: What is the eighteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The eighteenth item listed in the section is \"17. The Light That Shines In the Darkness\".\n28. Q: What is the nineteenth item listed in the section?\nA: The nineteenth item listed in the section is \"Resource Guide\".\n29. Q: What is the twentieth item listed in the section?\nA: The twentieth item listed in the section is \"Poem: Scream\".", "response": "\n\nCONTENTS\n\n> Foreword: Re-Visioning\n\n1\\. Hello Again!\n\n2\\. What Is It About Topping, Anyway?\n\n3\\. What Do Tops Do?\n\n> interlude 1\n\n4\\. Rights and Responsibilities\n\n5\\. How Do You Learn To Do This Stuff?\n\n> interlude 2\n\n6\\. Soaring Higher\n\n7\\. BDSM Ethics\n\n8\\. On Your Mark\u2026 Get Set\u2026\n\n> interlude 3\n\n9\\. Go!\n\n10\\. And If It Doesn\u2019t Go the Way You Planned?\n\n11\\. Toys for Tops\n\n> interlude 4\n\n12\\. Finding Others\n\n13\\. Special Cases\n\n14\\. Full-Time D/S\n\n15\\. Shadow Play: Darkside S/M\n\n16\\. S/M Spirituality: From the Top\n\n17\\. The Light That Shines In the Darkness\n\n> Resource Guide\n\n> Poem: Scream\n"}
 {"input": "  1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"ACKNOWLEDGMENTS\".\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"Our deepest thanks go to the following wonderful people, who have bottomed to us, topped us, given us wonderful ideas and just plain been our friends:\".\n3. Q: What is the format of the list that follows the first line of text?\nA: The list that follows the first line of text is formatted with names on the left and, in some cases, additional names or titles on the right, separated by a vertical bar.\n4. Q: What is the first name on the left side of the list?\nA: The first name on the left side of the list is \"Akasha\".\n5. Q: What is the first name or title on the right side of the list?\nA: The first name on the right side of the list is \"Goddess Lakshimi\".\n6. Q: What is the second name on the left side of the list?\nA: The second name on the left side of the list is \"Mic Bergen\".\n7. Q: What is the second name on the right side of the list?\nA: The second name on the right side of the list is \"Tom B.\".\n8. Q: What is the third name on the left side of the list?\nA: The third name on the left side of the list is \"Bill Brent\".\n9. Q: What is the third name on the right side of the list?\nA: There is no third name on the right side of the list.\n10. Q: What is the fourth name on the left side of the list?\nA: The fourth name on the left side of the list is \"Amy Marie\".\n11. Q: What is the fourth name on the right side of the list?\nA: The fourth name on the right side of the list is \"Meek\".\n12. Q: What is the fifth name on the left side of the list?\nA: The fifth name on the left side of the list is \"Kaye Buckley\".\n13. Q: What is the fifth name on the right side of the list?\nA: The fifth name on the right side of the list is \"Midori\".\n14. Q: What is the sixth name on the left side of the list?\nA: The sixth name on the left side of the list is \"Lady Cassandra\".\n15. Q: What is the sixth name on the right side of the list?\nA: The sixth name on the right side of the list is \"Mo\".\n16. Q: What is the seventh name on the left side of the list?\nA: The seventh name on the left side of the list is \"BC Cliver\".\n17. Q: What is the seventh name on the right side of the list?\nA: The seventh name on the right side of the list is \"Paul Romano\".\n18. Q: What is the eighth name on the left side of the list?\nA: The eighth name on the left side of the list is \"Derek\".\n19. Q: What is the eighth name on the right side of the list?\nA: There is no eighth name on the right side of the list.\n20. Q: What is the ninth name on the left side of the list?\nA: The ninth name on the left side of the list is \"Francesca Guido\".\n21. Q: What is the ninth name on the right side of the list?\nA: The ninth name on the right side of the list is \"Jay Wiseman\".\n22. Q: What is the tenth name on the left side of the list?\nA: The tenth name on the left side of the list is \"Irwin Kane\".\n23. Q: What is the tenth name on the right side of the list?\nA: The tenth name on the right side of the list is \"Joi Wolfwomyn\".", "response": "\n\nACKNOWLEDGMENTS\n\nOur deepest thanks go to the following wonderful people, who have bottomed to us, topped us, given us wonderful ideas and just plain been our friends:\n\n> Akasha  | Goddess Lakshimi   \n> ---|---  \n> Mic Bergen Tom B.  | Ruth Marks Master Max   \n> Bill Brent  | Amy Marie Meek   \n> Kaye Buckley | Midori  \n> Lady Cassandra | Mo  \n> BC Cliver | Paul Romano  \n> Derek | Snow White  \n> Francesca Guido | Jay Wiseman  \n> Irwin Kane | Joi Wolfwomyn\n"}
-{"input": " 1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"foreword\".\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"Welcome to The New Topping Book. About ten years ago, we published a small volume called The Bottoming Book, which took the revolutionary stance that bottoming was as high an art as topping and that skilled and ethical bottoms were integral to hot play. No sooner had it come out than we started hearing from tops who wanted to know when we were going to do the same thing for topping. Hence The Topping Book, originally published in 1994.\"\n3. Q: What is the second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The second paragraph of text in the section is \"But in the last eight years weve seen huge and important changes in BDSM culture (including the popularization of the very word BDSM!). Our communities have grown tremendously \u2013 largely due to the Internet, which was in its toddlerhood at our last writing \u2013 and become much more visible. And we, your authors, are proud to have been part of this evolution. So: The New Topping Book.\"\n4. Q: What is the third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The third paragraph of text in the section is \"WHATS CHANGED?\"\n5. Q: What is the fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"As we wrote in The New Bottoming Book:\"\n6. Q: What is the fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M culture has massively emerged from the closet. There are dozens of books, endless information on the Internet, national and international conferences publicly held in major hotels, support groups everywhere \u2013 we are no longer the ghettoized subculture that we used to be. More people are connecting to S/M, finding others like themselves, and realizing that they are very much not alone with their kinky fantasies.\"\n7. Q: What is the sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"THE INTERNET. The Net has become a major player in the BDSM scene. Along with providing lots of information about kink and connection to like-minded people, the Internet is also exerting a major influence on the content of BDSM. Many things can be done in virtual play that would be difficult to manifest in reality: for instance, we know individuals who are engaged in ownership relationships with people they have never met in person. And so new ways of playing are being devised, and participants are engaging in ever deeper explorations of the psychological aspects of S/M, including extensive dialogue about how our fantasies can inform us about ourselves. The challenge of interacting with people all over the world, people that youve never seen face to face, has created a whole universe of possibilities for relationships, interactions and new knowledge. Well discuss the Net and its ramifications at much greater length later in this book\"\n8. Q: What is the seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"D&S. Over the last ten years, we have also seen rapid growth and evolution of the dominance and submission aspect of BDSM, with extensive discussion of how the relationship dynamic between two or more persons can be expanded, intensified and eroticized by a conscious and consensual shift in the workings of power and control. Weve included a lot more information about D&S in its various forms in this book.\"\n9. Q: What is the eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"MORE OF US. Meanwhile, as the scene has become more accessible, more and more new people are joining. This growth in population has made its own changes to the scene, and there is increased market for products and services, which offers much more support for the teachers, artists and craftspeople of our community.\"\n10. Q: What is the ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"For us this growth has offered an expanded opportunity in the form of a much wider audience for our writing. When we wrote the initial Bottoming Book, publishing in this area was so economically constrained that we had to keep the book under 120 pages because if it got bigger than that we couldnt afford to print it. Hows that for basic? We are proud to announce that our books are now widely distributed, our publisher well established, and we can afford to speak our minds at whatever length we choose.\"\n11. Q: What is the tenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The tenth paragraph of text in the section is \"LANGUAGE. One thing we learned in writing and selling The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book was that many potential readers were overlooking the books, feeling that the terms \"dominant\" and \"submissive\" were a closer fit for their experience of BDSM. We certainly never intended that, nor do we think it appropriate. Semantics vary widely throughout the kinky world, from one region to the next, one sexual orientation to the next, one playstyle to the next. The way we learned the terms when we first came out into this wonderful and varied world, \"top\" is an umbrella term that includes people who like to play on the giving end of sensation and pain, bondage, control and discipline and all the other activities that make up the universe of BDSM. And \"bottom,\" of course, is the umbrella term for all those who like to be the lucky recipients of such attention.\"\n12. Q: What is the eleventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eleventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Indeed, as more and more people want to talk about kink both in the cyber- and real worlds, we are constantly evolving new language and terminology to describe our experiences. And do we all agree on what these new terms mean? Of course not! A definition can be visualized as a way to make a fence around a word so that we can clearly distinguish what is inside and what is outside the meaning of the word. This works great for science and mathematics, but can be a problem when we are describing our physical, sexual and emotional experience \u2013 especially the experience between two or more of us.\"\n13. Q: What is the twelfth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twelfth paragraph of text in the section is \"So our approach to language in this book is to assume inclusive rather than exclusive meanings for all the words we use. Furthermore, we acknowledge more than two genders, and also that many of us explore more than one sense of gender. Common language usage has very few ways to denote the full range of gender expression. In the first edition of Topping Book we wrote \"s/he\" in an attempt to include everybody. In our later books, we alternated using he or she, mostly by paragraphs, which seemed to read more smoothly and provide interesting opportunities to challenge gender stereotyping, so we have rearranged this edition accordingly.\"\n14. Q: What is the thirteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"On another linguistic front, here is much public discussion and dissent about what to call what we do. Variously our activities have been described as: BDSM, perversion, sadomasochism, S/M, dominance and submission, D/S, altsex, bondage and discipline, B/D, leathersex, kink, erotic power exchange, fetishism, wiitwd (what it is that we do), powerplay, shadowplay, topping and bottoming, sex magic and radical perversion.\"\n15. Q: What is the fourteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Similarly, the people who do these things are known as: perverts, tops, bottoms, masters, mistresses, slaves, dominants, submissives, daddies, mommies, pitchers, catchers, boys, bois, girls, babies, pets, ponies, puppies, sissies, leatherpeople, players and more.\"\n16. Q: What is the fifteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"All these words have slightly different meanings, and you will definitely meet people who choose one of these terms and not the others because that is what best describes their desire. We, however, enjoy all of these aspects of our play, and would be very distressed to have to choose only one category. Thus, as we see it, pigeonholing limits our experience, and we are explorative girls who always want more. So in this edition, we will use all of these terms to describe the whole world of S/M play, except when we are focusing on one particular aspect of play, and we will use these terms, as we do the gender pronouns, interchangeably throughout the text.\"\n17. Q: What is the sixteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"THE INTERLUDES. Since no amount of abstract instruction carries the same weight as the stuff that happens in the real world, throughout this book weve included a few stories of wonderful scenes weve done, watched or heard about, just to give you an idea of the wide range of activities that can be included under the umbrella term \"topping.\"\n18. Q: What is the seventeenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventeenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Please dont take these scenes as blueprints, or even as ideals of \"perfect\" scenes. Theyre just representative of a few different playstyles, ways of building energy and connecting and having hot sexy fun together.\"\n19. Q: What is the eighteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"WEVE CHANGED TOO. The two of us have matured, which we hope would happen for any of you in ten years. Our children are no longer children, our careers have ripened, our bodies have aged.\"\n20. Q: What is the nineteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The nineteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"In fact, one of us has changed so much that even her name has changed. The one of us who wrote the first Topping Book as \"Catherine A. Liszt\" did so under a pseudonym, because at the time she had minor children whose boundaries she wanted to protect. Now that her children have grown to adulthood, \"Catherine\" is now writing and publishing under her real name, Janet W. Hardy.\"\n21. Q: What is the twentieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twentieth paragraph of text in the section is \"And we know more than we used to. So the final reason to make a new edition of The Topping Book is to share with you everything new that we have learned in the last nine years about our beloved world of BDSM.\"", "response": "  \n  \nforeword\n\nRE-VISIONING\n\nWelcome to The New Topping Book. About ten years ago, we published a small volume called The Bottoming Book, which took the revolutionary stance that bottoming was as high an art as topping and that skilled and ethical bottoms were integral to hot play. No sooner had it come out than we started hearing from tops who wanted to know when we were going to do the same thing for topping. Hence The Topping Book, originally published in 1994.\n\nBut in the last eight years weve seen huge and important changes in BDSM culture (including the popularization of the very word BDSM!). Our communities have grown tremendously \u2013 largely due to the Internet, which was in its toddlerhood at our last writing \u2013 and become much more visible. And we, your authors, are proud to have been part of this evolution. So: The New Topping Book.\n\nWHATS CHANGED?\n\n> As we wrote in The New Bottoming Book:\n\n> S/M culture has massively emerged from the closet. There are dozens of books, endless information on the Internet, national and international conferences publicly held in major hotels, support groups everywhere \u2013 we are no longer the ghettoized subculture that we used to be. More people are connecting to S/M, finding others like themselves, and realizing that they are very much not alone with their kinky fantasies.\n\nTHE INTERNET. The Net has become a major player in the BDSM scene. Along with providing lots of information about kink and connection to like-minded people, the Internet is also exerting a major influence on the content of BDSM. Many things can be done in virtual play that would be difficult to manifest in reality: for instance, we know individuals who are engaged in ownership relationships with people they have never met in person. And so new ways of playing are being devised, and participants are engaging in ever deeper explorations of the psychological aspects of S/M, including extensive dialogue about how our fantasies can inform us about ourselves. The challenge of interacting with people all over the world, people that youve never seen face to face, has created a whole universe of possibilities for relationships, interactions and new knowledge. Well discuss the Net and its ramifications at much greater length later in this book\n\nD&S. Over the last ten years, we have also seen rapid growth and evolution of the dominance and submission aspect of BDSM, with extensive discussion of how the relationship dynamic between two or more persons can be expanded, intensified and eroticized by a conscious and consensual shift in the workings of power and control. Weve included a lot more information about D&S in its various forms in this book.\n\nMORE OF US. Meanwhile, as the scene has become more accessible, more and more new people are joining. This growth in population has made its own changes to the scene, and there is increased market for products and services, which offers much more support for the teachers, artists and craftspeople of our community.\n\nFor us this growth has offered an expanded opportunity in the form of a much wider audience for our writing. When we wrote the initial Bottoming Book, publishing in this area was so economically constrained that we had to keep the book under 120 pages because if it got bigger than that we couldnt afford to print it. Hows that for basic? We are proud to announce that our books are now widely distributed, our publisher well established, and we can afford to speak our minds at whatever length we choose.\n\nLANGUAGE. One thing we learned in writing and selling The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book was that many potential readers were overlooking the books, feeling that the terms \"dominant\" and \"submissive\" were a closer fit for their experience of BDSM. We certainly never intended that, nor do we think it appropriate. Semantics vary widely throughout the kinky world, from one region to the next, one sexual orientation to the next, one playstyle to the next. The way we learned the terms when we first came out into this wonderful and varied world, \"top\" is an umbrella term that includes people who like to play on the giving end of sensation and pain, bondage, control and discipline and all the other activities that make up the universe of BDSM. And \"bottom,\" of course, is the umbrella term for all those who like to be the lucky recipients of such attention. Whether you consider yourself a master or mistress, an owner or trainer, a dominant, a sadist, a daddy or mommy, or any other terminology that fits your community and your life, youll find something for you in this book.\n\nIndeed, as more and more people want to talk about kink both in the cyber- and real worlds, we are constantly evolving new language and terminology to describe our experiences. And do we all agree on what these new terms mean? Of course not! A definition can be visualized as a way to make a fence around a word so that we can clearly distinguish what is inside and what is outside the meaning of the word. This works great for science and mathematics, but can be a problem when we are describing our physical, sexual and emotional experience \u2013 especially the experience between two or more of us. (See? We cant even assume that a relationship means only two people.)\n\nSo our approach to language in this book is to assume inclusive rather than exclusive meanings for all the words we use. Furthermore, we acknowledge more than two genders, and also that many of us explore more than one sense of gender. Common language usage has very few ways to denote the full range of gender expression. In the first edition of Topping Book we wrote \"s/he\" in an attempt to include everybody. In our later books, we alternated using he or she, mostly by paragraphs, which seemed to read more smoothly and provide interesting opportunities to challenge gender stereotyping, so we have rearranged this edition accordingly.\n\nOn another linguistic front, here is much public discussion and dissent about what to call what we do. Variously our activities have been described as: BDSM, perversion, sadomasochism, S/M, dominance and submission, D/S, altsex, bondage and discipline, B/D, leathersex, kink, erotic power exchange, fetishism, wiitwd (what it is that we do), powerplay, shadowplay, topping and bottoming, sex magic and radical perversion. Similarly, the people who do these things are known as: perverts, tops, bottoms, masters, mistresses, slaves, dominants, submissives, daddies, mommies, pitchers, catchers, boys, bois, girls, babies, pets, ponies, puppies, sissies, leatherpeople, players and more.\n\nAll these words have slightly different meanings, and you will definitely meet people who choose one of these terms and not the others because that is what best describes their desire. We, however, enjoy all of these aspects of our play, and would be very distressed to have to choose only one category. Thus, as we see it, pigeonholing limits our experience, and we are explorative girls who always want more. So in this edition, we will use all of these terms to describe the whole world of S/M play, except when we are focusing on one particular aspect of play, and we will use these terms, as we do the gender pronouns, interchangeably throughout the text.\n\nTHE INTERLUDES. Since no amount of abstract instruction carries the same weight as the stuff that happens in the real world, throughout this book weve included a few stories of wonderful scenes weve done, watched or heard about, just to give you an idea of the wide range of activities that can be included under the umbrella term \"topping.\"\n\nPlease dont take these scenes as blueprints, or even as ideals of \"perfect\" scenes. Theyre just representative of a few different playstyles, ways of building energy and connecting and having hot sexy fun together.\n\nWEVE CHANGED TOO. The two of us have matured, which we hope would happen for any of you in ten years. Our children are no longer children, our careers have ripened, our bodies have aged.\n\nIn fact, one of us has changed so much that even her name has changed. The one of us who wrote the first Topping Book as \"Catherine A. Liszt\" did so under a pseudonym, because at the time she had minor children whose boundaries she wanted to protect. Now that her children have grown to adulthood, \"Catherine\" is now writing and publishing under her real name, Janet W. Hardy.\n\nAnd we know more than we used to. So the final reason to make a new edition of The Topping Book is to share with you everything new that we have learned in the last nine years about our beloved world of BDSM.\n"}
-{"input": "  1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"1: HELLO AGAIN!\".\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"We love tops.\"\n3. Q: What is the second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The second paragraph of text in the section is \"We love top daddies and top mommies, top nurses and top interrogators, sweetheart sadists and control queens, nurturing dominants and mean mistresses, nasty kids and mad scientists.\"\n4. Q: What is the third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The third paragraph of text in the section is \"We love tops so much that were writing a book to help make sure there are more good ones: tops who glow with the pure white light of control, power, intimacy and love; tops who are skilled at their craft and passionate about their art; tops who pour themselves into their bottoms, beat well, and create a dish as fiery as curry or as sweet as pie.\"\n5. Q: What is the fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"YES, ITS US AGAIN. Hello. Were Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Some of you met us in our earlier books, The New Bottoming Book, The Ethical Slut and When Someone You Love Is Kinky.\"\n6. Q: What is the fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"Dossie is a three-decade veteran of S/M play who identifies as a dyke queer bottom, but who tops beautifully: as of this writing, Janet has the cane marks to prove it. She works as a therapist in San Francisco. A poet, teacher and performer, Dossie was one of the first members of the Society of Janus in San Francisco, and has been a leader in the S/M spirituality community.\"\n7. Q: What is the sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Janet started doing S/M about 15 years ago, exclusively as a heterosexual top. Today, she identifies as a bisexual switch, playing both as a top and as a bottom, and with both men and women. Under her pen name \"Lady Green,\" she wrote several how-to manuals for beginning players and has published many articles on S/M practice and philosophy.\"\n8. Q: What is the seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Both of us have spoken and taught, individually and together, at dozens if not hundreds of conferences, gatherings and workshops.\"\n9. Q: What is the eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"WHY WERE WRITING THIS.\"\n10. Q: What is the ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"In The New Bottoming Book, we did our best to explain what makes people decide to try bottoming in a BDSM interaction, and the attitudes and techniques that make up a brilliant bottom. We looked at matters of the body, the emotions, the intuition and the spirit.\"\n11. Q: What is the tenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The tenth paragraph of text in the section is \"In this book we will do the same for tops. In some ways, we expect this to be a trickier task. While outsiders often assume that any player in his right mind would be a top \u2013 \"Wow, you mean people will do anything you want them to? Cool!\" \u2013 the reality is that the joys of topping are often more abstract than those of bottoming, and that its responsibilities and burdens are great.\"\n12. Q: What is the eleventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eleventh paragraph of text in the section is \"The New Bottoming Book was, as we wrote in the introduction, \"an unabashedly bottom-centrist book.\" We expected howls of protest from tops over our insistence that bottoms are powerful, beautiful and irreplaceable\u2026 and we heard back from a whole bunch of tops saying \"Well, its about time.\"\"\n13. Q: What is the twelfth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twelfth paragraph of text in the section is \"So The New Topping Book will be a top-centrist book. While we will, of course, expect responsible behavior from all you tops and wannabe-tops who are reading this, we honor and applaud your willingness to venture out on the thin, scary ice of taking control of anothers sensations, emotions and spirit. In this book, well encourage you to insist on being recognized for your humanness as well as for your toppiness, to demand the nurturance and support you deserve, and to find ways to get your sexual needs met. Well do our best to hold your hand during the scary parts of your top journey, and to wave an encouraging bye-bye as you venture out into that wide, welcoming world of eager bottoms.\"\n14. Q: What is the thirteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"THIS IS NOT A TECHNICAL MANUAL.\"\n15. Q: What is the fourteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Were not going to spend a lot of time in this book teaching you bondage knots or clamp placement or the technical nuts and bolts of topping. We think there are several other good books out there that teach such things, and weve listed them in our Resource Guide. Please read at least one of them before you play.\"\n16. Q: What is the fifteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"HOW WE VIEW BDSM\"\n17. Q: What is the sixteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"If you turned to this section hoping to find the ultimate incontestable answer to the question \"What is BDSM?\" were afraid were going to disappoint you. We dont know, either.\"\n18. Q: What is the seventeenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventeenth paragraph of text in the section is \"We do believe that consensual, ethical kink has a valid place on the continuum of human sexual behavior \u2013 that its not an expression of pathology. We also do not see S/M players as a distinct sexual minority, somehow different from other folk; we think S/M may be further along one road of sexual exploration, but that many if not most people play with some forms of S/M energy.\"\n19. Q: What is the eighteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M is sex that involves all of our faculties: minds and bodies, imagination and intellect, hearts and souls. To those who call what we do \"unnatural,\" we like to point out that we do what comes naturally: nature gave us opposable thumbs, so we use tools.\"\n20. Q: What is the nineteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The nineteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"As we said in The New Bottoming Book: \"S/M is play, theater, communication, intimacy, sexuality. It combines the childs urge for make-believe with the adults ability to take responsibility and the adults privilege of sexual reward. S/M at its best represents a remarkable convergence of civilized agreements and primitive urges. We believe it to be a very high achievement of the human body, mind and spirit.\"\"\n21. Q: What is the twentieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twentieth paragraph of text in the section is \"YES, BUT WHAT IS IT? We argued for hours as we worked on this book, and we werent able to come up with a definition that we thought accurately encompassed all of what we know as BDSM. Here, though, are some of the definitions we and our friends use and like.\"\n22. Q: What is the twenty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"A lot of folks use the phrase \"consensual power exchange\" to define S/M. Were not entirely happy with this phrase \u2013 we think using the word \"power,\" that so often means nonconsensual force and coercion, can be misleading. In fact, what we do in S/M is that we act as though we were giving up or taking real-world power, while retaining the ability to keep as much power as we need to feel safe, or to take no more than we feel OK about having.\"\n23. Q: What is the twenty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"Another way of looking at BDSM \u2013 which unfortunately has many of the same problems \u2013 is to call it \"negotiated codependence,\" in which we can enjoy the pleasures of nurturance and control without harming ourselves or our bottoms.\"\n24. Q: What is the twenty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"Janets working definition of what we do is:\"\n25. Q: What is the twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"> An activity in which the participants eroticize sensations or emotions that would be unpleasant in a non-erotic context.\"\n26. Q: What is the twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"Weve heard some objections to the word \"eroticize\" in this definition \u2013 not everybody who does S/M connects their activities to genital sexuality. But we prefer to use the word \"erotic\" to refer to a wide spectrum of emotions and sensations that are arousing, awakening, enlightening and stimulating \u2013 whether or not they make your dick hard or your pussy wet.\"\n27. Q: What is the twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Our friend Mic says:\"\n28. Q: What is the twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"> S/M is what happens when the top takes more than the bottom offers, but less than the bottom is willing to give.\"\n29. Q: What is the twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"We think that this thought does a nice job of expressing the tension that often happens in good S/M \u2013 the \"oh-my-god-this-is-terrible-please-dont-stop\" energy that we all know and love.\"\n30. Q: What is the twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Another good thought weve heard is:\"\n31. Q: What is the thirtieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirtieth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M takes place when the top trades his or her energy for the bottoms armor.\"\n32. Q: What is the thirty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"All these definitions convey good information, but none of them seems to us adequate or comprehensive.\"\n33. Q: What is the thirty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"One thing we do know is that BDSM play is completely and qualitatively different from abuse. What we do bears the same relationship to abuse that consensual sex does to rape: a photograph of lovemaking might look exactly like a photo of a rape, but what is going on in the hearts and minds of the participants is entirely different. Hence, we say:\"\n34. Q: What is the thirty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"> In S/M, the participants have one anothers wellbeing as their paramount goal.\"\n35. Q: What is the thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some folks get confused because the fantasies they use to get turned on are not about consensual play. (Ours certainly arent!) If you feel disturbed by this seeming contradiction, let us remind you: everyone in your fantasy exists only inside your head. Since they are all aspects of yourself, they have all given their consent to be there. One of the characteristics that defines safe play is a recognition of the boundaries between our fantasies and our realities. A lot of this book will be devoted to helping clarify those boundaries.\"\n36. Q: What is the thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"In general, though, wed say that if it feels like S/M to you, then its probably S/M \u2013 or at least something close enough that you can learn more about it by reading on.\"\n37. Q: What is the thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"HOW DO YOU KNOW YOURE A TOP?\"\n38. Q: What is the thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Many tops remember having toppy fantasies for as long as they can remember anything. Its not uncommon for a top to remember talking neighborhood kids into playing cops-and-robbers with lots of bondage, or teacher-and-student with lots of spanking. On the other hand, some people have their first top fantasies at puberty and some during young adulthood. Some excellent tops dont remember ever having had a top fantasy until a partner talked them into trying a light scene \u2013 and a whole new world opened up to them.\"\n39. Q: What is the thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"These fantasies may have caused the top lots of pain and worry. One top of our acquaintance recalls having his first bondage fantasy in the late 60s, shortly after the Tate/LaBianca murders \u2013 and spending anxious months worrying that he was turning into a mass murderer.\"\n40. Q: What is the thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Janet remembers:\"\n41. Q: What is the fortieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fortieth paragraph of text in the section is \"> I can remember having top fantasies since very early childhood, but I was well into my twenties before I recognized that these diverting thoughts \u2013 which were obsessing me to the point of making it difficult for me to function in the real world \u2013 were actually sexual in nature. And once I figured that out, it took me even longer to grasp that these marvelous, dirty, nonconsensual stories didnt have to stay fantasies, that there were people out there who would be interested in acting them out consensually with me.\"\n42. Q: What is the forty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"So the easiest way to know if youre a top is to take a hard look at your fantasies. Being a dominant person in real life doesnt necessarily mean youre a top \u2013 many people who are hard-driving type As prefer to bottom. Nor does being a bit quiet and withdrawn in real life mean that youll turn into Attila the Hun in scene.\"\n43. Q: What is the forty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"On the other hand, if the idea of giving direction, taking control, inflicting strong sensation sends you into a panic, that doesnt necessarily mean youre not a top. Even the most experienced tops suffer from what performers call \"flop sweat.\" The question is: while youre jittering at the very thought of topping, is your dick getting hard or your pussy getting wet?\"\n44. Q: What is the forty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"If youve occasionally dreamed of somehow rendering your partner completely helpless so that you can wreak your wicked will on her\u2026 if you find yourself looking speculatively at the belt rack in the department store, and youre not thinking about holding your pants up\u2026. or if the thought of someone kneeling naked at your feet as he serves you a nice cup of tea sounds like it might be, well, your cup of tea\u2026 guess what. You may already be a top.\"\n45. Q: What is the forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"DOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A TOP AND A BOTTOM? Well, no.\"\n46. Q: What is the forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some people like to play scenes in which both (or all) players are receiving sensation: \"nipple tug-of-war,\" in which two people both put on nipple clamps with chains running from one person to the other and lean backwards so that both sets of tits get a nice steady pull, is a good example.\"\n47. Q: What is the forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some like scenes that involve power struggles, where nobody knows until someone \"wins\" who the top will be.\"\n48. Q: What is the forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Still others like to switch in mid-scene.\"\n49. Q: What is the forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"It isnt always easy to tell whos the top and whos the bottom even in one-sided scenes. For example, if Janet orders Dossie to tie her up in a specific position and give her an exact number of cane strokes to the lower half of her butt\u2026 whos the top? Whos the bottom?\"\n50. Q: What is the forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Nonetheless, it does seem to be true that the vast majority of BDSM play involves at least one discernible top and one discernible bottom. Outside a given scene, these two individuals may identify as the opposite role (many tops are excellent bottoms, and many bottoms are excellent tops).\"\n51. Q: What is the fiftieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fiftieth paragraph of text in the section is \"The important thing to remember is that whether youre an experienced top or a novice, a bottom whod like to switch or a bottom whod never dream of switching, or a novice with a head full of tangled fantasies and some uncertainty about which string to pull to unravel them\u2026 theres something for you in this book. So read on!\"", "response": "\n\n1\n\nHELLO AGAIN!\n\nWe love tops.\n\nWe love tops who are vicious and nasty and turn their bottoms into cringing mounds of adoring submission. We love tops who are nurturing and sweet while they inflict the most amazing agonies. We love tops whose aura of command is so straightforward and matter-of-fact that their bottoms can completely forget, for a little while, that the world is a complicated place.\n\nWe love top daddies and top mommies, top nurses and top interrogators, sweetheart sadists and control queens, nurturing dominants and mean mistresses, nasty kids and mad scientists.\n\nWe love tops so much that were writing a book to help make sure there are more good ones: tops who glow with the pure white light of control, power, intimacy and love; tops who are skilled at their craft and passionate about their art; tops who pour themselves into their bottoms, beat well, and create a dish as fiery as curry or as sweet as pie.\n\nYES, ITS US AGAIN. Hello. Were Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Some of you met us in our earlier books, The New Bottoming Book, The Ethical Slut and When Someone You Love Is Kinky.\n\nDossie is a three-decade veteran of S/M play who identifies as a dyke queer bottom, but who tops beautifully: as of this writing, Janet has the cane marks to prove it. She works as a therapist in San Francisco. A poet, teacher and performer, Dossie was one of the first members of the Society of Janus in San Francisco, and has been a leader in the S/M spirituality community.\n\nJanet started doing S/M about 15 years ago, exclusively as a heterosexual top. Today, she identifies as a bisexual switch, playing both as a top and as a bottom, and with both men and women. Under her pen name \"Lady Green,\" she wrote several how-to manuals for beginning players and has published many articles on S/M practice and philosophy.\n\nBoth of us have spoken and taught, individually and together, at dozens if not hundreds of conferences, gatherings and workshops.\n\nWHY WERE WRITING THIS. In The New Bottoming Book, we did our best to explain what makes people decide to try bottoming in a BDSM interaction, and the attitudes and techniques that make up a brilliant bottom. We looked at matters of the body, the emotions, the intuition and the spirit.\n\nIn this book we will do the same for tops. In some ways, we expect this to be a trickier task. While outsiders often assume that any player in his right mind would be a top \u2013 \"Wow, you mean people will do anything you want them to? Cool!\" \u2013 the reality is that the joys of topping are often more abstract than those of bottoming, and that its responsibilities and burdens are great. The New Bottoming Book was, as we wrote in the introduction, \"an unabashedly bottom-centrist book.\" We expected howls of protest from tops over our insistence that bottoms are powerful, beautiful and irreplaceable\u2026 and we heard back from a whole bunch of tops saying \"Well, its about time.\"\n\nSo The New Topping Book will be a top-centrist book. While we will, of course, expect responsible behavior from all you tops and wannabe-tops who are reading this, we honor and applaud your willingness to venture out on the thin, scary ice of taking control of anothers sensations, emotions and spirit. In this book, well encourage you to insist on being recognized for your humanness as well as for your toppiness, to demand the nurturance and support you deserve, and to find ways to get your sexual needs met. Well do our best to hold your hand during the scary parts of your top journey, and to wave an encouraging bye-bye as you venture out into that wide, welcoming world of eager bottoms.\n\nTHIS IS NOT A TECHNICAL MANUAL. Were not going to spend a lot of time in this book teaching you bondage knots or clamp placement or the technical nuts and bolts of topping. We think there are several other good books out there that teach such things, and weve listed them in our Resource Guide. Please read at least one of them before you play.\n\nHOW WE VIEW BDSM\n\nIf you turned to this section hoping to find the ultimate incontestable answer to the question \"What is BDSM?\" were afraid were going to disappoint you. We dont know, either.\n\nWe do believe that consensual, ethical kink has a valid place on the continuum of human sexual behavior \u2013 that its not an expression of pathology. We also do not see S/M players as a distinct sexual minority, somehow different from other folk; we think S/M may be further along one road of sexual exploration, but that many if not most people play with some forms of S/M energy.\n\nS/M is sex that involves all of our faculties: minds and bodies, imagination and intellect, hearts and souls. To those who call what we do \"unnatural,\" we like to point out that we do what comes naturally: nature gave us opposable thumbs, so we use tools.\n\nAs we said in The New Bottoming Book: \"S/M is play, theater, communication, intimacy, sexuality. It combines the childs urge for make-believe with the adults ability to take responsibility and the adults privilege of sexual reward. S/M at its best represents a remarkable convergence of civilized agreements and primitive urges. We believe it to be a very high achievement of the human body, mind and spirit.\"\n\nYES, BUT WHAT IS IT? We argued for hours as we worked on this book, and we werent able to come up with a definition that we thought accurately encompassed all of what we know as BDSM. Here, though, are some of the definitions we and our friends use and like.\n\nA lot of folks use the phrase \"consensual power exchange\" to define S/M. Were not entirely happy with this phrase \u2013 we think using the word \"power,\" that so often means nonconsensual force and coercion, can be misleading. In fact, what we do in S/M is that we act as though we were giving up or taking real-world power, while retaining the ability to keep as much power as we need to feel safe, or to take no more than we feel OK about having.\n\nAnother way of looking at BDSM \u2013 which unfortunately has many of the same problems \u2013 is to call it \"negotiated codependence,\" in which we can enjoy the pleasures of nurturance and control without harming ourselves or our bottoms.\n\nJanets working definition of what we do is:\n\n> An activity in which the participants eroticize sensations or emotions that would be unpleasant in a non-erotic context.\n\nWeve heard some objections to the word \"eroticize\" in this definition \u2013 not everybody who does S/M connects their activities to genital sexuality. But we prefer to use the word \"erotic\" to refer to a wide spectrum of emotions and sensations that are arousing, awakening, enlightening and stimulating \u2013 whether or not they make your dick hard or your pussy wet.\n\nOur friend Mic says:\n\n> S/M is what happens when the top takes more than the bottom offers, but less than the bottom is willing to give.\n\nWe think that this thought does a nice job of expressing the tension that often happens in good S/M \u2013 the \"oh-my-god-this-is-terrible-please-dont-stop\" energy that we all know and love.\n\nAnother good thought weve heard is:\n\nS/M takes place when the top trades his or her energy for the bottoms armor.\n\nAll these definitions convey good information, but none of them seems to us adequate or comprehensive.\n\nOne thing we do know is that BDSM play is completely and qualitatively different from abuse. What we do bears the same relationship to abuse that consensual sex does to rape: a photograph of lovemaking might look exactly like a photo of a rape, but what is going on in the hearts and minds of the participants is entirely different. Hence, we say:\n\n> In S/M, the participants have one anothers wellbeing as their paramount goal.\n\nSome folks get confused because the fantasies they use to get turned on are not about consensual play. (Ours certainly arent!) If you feel disturbed by this seeming contradiction, let us remind you: everyone in your fantasy exists only inside your head. Since they are all aspects of yourself, they have all given their consent to be there. One of the characteristics that defines safe play is a recognition of the boundaries between our fantasies and our realities. A lot of this book will be devoted to helping clarify those boundaries.\n\nIn general, though, wed say that if it feels like S/M to you, then its probably S/M \u2013 or at least something close enough that you can learn more about it by reading on.\n\nHOW DO YOU KNOW YOURE A TOP?\n\nMany tops remember having toppy fantasies for as long as they can remember anything. Its not uncommon for a top to remember talking neighborhood kids into playing cops-and-robbers with lots of bondage, or teacher-and-student with lots of spanking. On the other hand, some people have their first top fantasies at puberty and some during young adulthood. Some excellent tops dont remember ever having had a top fantasy until a partner talked them into trying a light scene \u2013 and a whole new world opened up to them.\n\nThese fantasies may have caused the top lots of pain and worry. One top of our acquaintance recalls having his first bondage fantasy in the late 60s, shortly after the Tate/LaBianca murders \u2013 and spending anxious months worrying that he was turning into a mass murderer.\n\nJanet remembers:\n\n> I can remember having top fantasies since very early childhood, but I was well into my twenties before I recognized that these diverting thoughts \u2013 which were obsessing me to the point of making it difficult for me to function in the real world \u2013 were actually sexual in nature. And once I figured that out, it took me even longer to grasp that these marvelous, dirty, nonconsensual stories didnt have to stay fantasies, that there were people out there who would be interested in acting them out consensually with me.\n\nSo the easiest way to know if youre a top is to take a hard look at your fantasies. Being a dominant person in real life doesnt necessarily mean youre a top \u2013 many people who are hard-driving type As prefer to bottom. Nor does being a bit quiet and withdrawn in real life mean that youll turn into Attila the Hun in scene.\n\nOn the other hand, if the idea of giving direction, taking control, inflicting strong sensation sends you into a panic, that doesnt necessarily mean youre not a top. Even the most experienced tops suffer from what performers call \"flop sweat.\" The question is: while youre jittering at the very thought of topping, is your dick getting hard or your pussy getting wet?\n\nIf youve occasionally dreamed of somehow rendering your partner completely helpless so that you can wreak your wicked will on her\u2026 if you find yourself looking speculatively at the belt rack in the department store, and youre not thinking about holding your pants up\u2026. or if the thought of someone kneeling naked at your feet as he serves you a nice cup of tea sounds like it might be, well, your cup of tea\u2026 guess what. You may already be a top.\n\nDOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A TOP AND A BOTTOM? Well, no. Some people like to play scenes in which both (or all) players are receiving sensation: \"nipple tug-of-war,\" in which two people both put on nipple clamps with chains running from one person to the other and lean backwards so that both sets of tits get a nice steady pull, is a good example. Some like scenes that involve power struggles, where nobody knows until someone \"wins\" who the top will be. Still others like to switch in mid-scene.\n\nIt isnt always easy to tell whos the top and whos the bottom even in one-sided scenes. For example, if Janet orders Dossie to tie her up in a specific position and give her an exact number of cane strokes to the lower half of her butt\u2026 whos the top? Whos the bottom?\n\nNonetheless, it does seem to be true that the vast majority of BDSM play involves at least one discernible top and one discernible bottom. Outside a given scene, these two individuals may identify as the opposite role (many tops are excellent bottoms, and many bottoms are excellent tops).\n\nThe important thing to remember is that whether youre an experienced top or a novice, a bottom whod like to switch or a bottom whod never dream of switching, or a novice with a head full of tangled fantasies and some uncertainty about which string to pull to unravel them\u2026 theres something for you in this book. So read on!\n"}
-{"input": " 1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"2: WHAT IS IT ABOUT TOPPING, ANYWAY?\"\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"In the so-called \"real world,\" most of us constantly struggle with power, working to empower ourselves, and to protect ourselves from being overpowered by others. This is serious business.\"\n3. Q: What is the second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The second paragraph of text in the section is \"But power can be sexy as well as serious. In S/M, we imitate the outward appearance of those grim real-world struggles for power, while building in the safeguards we need to keep us from being genuinely harmed. We believe that one purpose of S/M is to give us a way to enjoy the \"upside\" of power \u2013 its sexiness and drama \u2013 without bringing along its \"downside.\" Weve heard people say, \"S/M is power games for fun instead of profit,\" and we agree.\"\n4. Q: What is the third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The third paragraph of text in the section is \"BUILDING YOUR HEARTH. But isnt this desire for power potentially destructive? Good question. We live in a culture of powermongers. We see all around us the ways in which power is misused to abuse those who lack the power to protect themselves. So how can we, as tops, justify wanting to get our rocks off feeling like the most powerful person of all?\"\n5. Q: What is the fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"The popular stereotype of an S/M top is of an amoral, irresponsible and destructive person: thats what youll see in the movies. But in our world, we find that playing with power is like playing with fire: yes, there is the possibility of destruction if we are not careful\u2026 and there is also enormous potential for constructive heat that warms and heals.\"\n6. Q: What is the fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"One way we make it safe to play with fire is to build an adequate fireplace, a container, a hearth. We call it \"scene space,\" and well tell you about building it later. Another way we make it safe is to become wise in the ways of power (in BDSM, we have lots of opportunity!). An ethical top understands power and wields it constructively, responsibly and safely.\"\n7. Q: What is the sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"IS ALL POWER THE SAME? From feminist theory we have learned to distinguish between power-over and power-with. Power-over is a behavior pattern in which a person measures personal power by his or her ability to control others \u2013 you increase your own power by stealing power from somebody else. You can see this dynamic anywhere you see rigid hierarchies or chains of command, like the military or the corporate ladder.\"\n8. Q: What is the seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"In our experience, if your goal is to build yourself a sense of empowerment and solid self-esteem, stealing power doesnt work very well. You cant build a solid sense of self-esteem by stealing someone elses. When people strive to empower themselves this way they behave like addicts, constantly scheming to replenish a supply of power that never was truly theirs.\"\n9. Q: What is the eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"On the other hand, there is power-with. Power-with enables us to get more power by sharing our power with others. The more I have, the more you have. By supporting one another in our power, we get more for ourselves.\"\n10. Q: What is the ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"In any S/M exchange there is a sharing of power \u2013 the bottom lends his power to the top for the duration, the top adds power, and together they make a lot of voltage. The top gets to wield all this power, a form of extreme empowerment that is exciting, thrilling, hot, erotic, and, as we said before, very, very sexy.\"\n11. Q: What is the tenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The tenth paragraph of text in the section is \"So the first big payoff for topping is that we get to ride a whole lot of power, and to be, within the agreements and boundaries of a scene, enormously powerful.\"\n12. Q: What is the eleventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eleventh paragraph of text in the section is \"SO WHATS IN IT FOR YOU?\"\n13. Q: What is the twelfth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twelfth paragraph of text in the section is \"We asked a number of tops what rewards they found in topping \u2013 thanks to all of them for the following list. Remember, when you read a list of other peoples turn-ons, some of them will work for you and others will not. Dont worry \u2013 hardly anybody could like every single thing on this list; there are certainly a few that we ourselves have not experienced.\"\n14. Q: What is the thirteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Empathy. Near the top of most peoples lists is the \"contact high,\" the turn-on we feel in empathy with the bottoms response to the physical, emotional and sexual intensity of the scene. One top describes this feeling as getting to surf the bottoms sensations.\"\n15. Q: What is the fourteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"It is certainly a truism of S/M that the bottom is on the receiving end of most of the stimulation. If empathy didnt work so well we wonder if anybody would get turned on to topping in the first place, or if we would all decide that topping is all work and no fun. But the happy truth is that we can indeed get intensely stimulated from what our partner is feeling. Both of us are amazed, after a few hours of highly technical topping, when we get to the part of the scene where the focus is on our orgasm, to experience an enormous orgasm (or several of them) \u2013 as if it had been building bigger and bigger inside us, just waiting for us to have the time to have it.\"\n16. Q: What is the fifteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Empathy in BDSM presents a wonderful paradox: as tops in role, we are often called upon to present ourselves as cold, cruel and unfeeling, when in fact we are getting our rocks off on an empathy so profound that it can approach the telepathic. So we believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual sadism, dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities.\"\n17. Q: What is the sixteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Creativity. Another frequently cited delight of topping is the opportunity for creativity. We get to be the playwright, the producer, the director and the lead actor all at once. We are presented with a lump of malleable clay \u2013 the bottom \u2013 with which we can create the sculpture of our fantasies. We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius. We get to exercise our intuition as we figure out what will get to this particular bottom, or how to get them where we want them. We get to have our fantasy our way, to play dolls with real people: for a while we get to make the world look just the way we want it to. We play God.\"\n18. Q: What is the seventeenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventeenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Bigness. When we top we get to feel big. It may not be okay to act huge in ordinary social interactions, and youre usually not allowed to overwhelm people without their permission. When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies \u2013 when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!\"\n19. Q: What is the eighteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Nurturing. Janet remembers some of her childhood fantasies in which she was doing really terrible things to very small people, so she could cradle them like dolls afterwards. Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest.\"\n20. Q: What is the nineteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The nineteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"How does nurturing reward the top? Well, the nurturer, again, is big, and in play gets to be even bigger as we practice a kind of hyper-nurturance, enveloping our bottoms, almost as if we could engulf them. As nurturing tops we may play out the roles of Good Mommy or Good Daddy, maybe in a way we didnt get to experience in our childhood, so we get a chance to rewrite history. In scene space we can elicit and reenact trauma and also be the good parent who heals the wounds. Many of the most profound psychological scenes include intense nurturance. And in a world in which nurturing energy can be in short supply, it can be a delight to create an environment in which we get to taste a whole lot of it.\"\n21. Q: What is the twentieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twentieth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Bullying. In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that could not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked. And popular. Check out mainstream movies, or fiction from best-sellers to classical mythology, for verification that everybody adores a really good villain. Those bad guys are big. Big enough to carry all the worlds ills, and create all the pain and trouble a hungry bottom could want to suffer.\"\n22. Q: What is the twenty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"And what could be more forbidden than our own nastiness? Most of us learned things from our families and our culture, or perhaps from our more primitive and essential natures, that arent very civilized. Many people view almost all relationships as interactions between victims and oppressors, so in topping we manifest our oppressor so the bottom can be in victim role, and both of us can have a powerful and erotic experience. S/M provides a safe way to be in the world for our internalized oppressor, the precious bully within.\"\n23. Q: What is the twenty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Control. Another powerful reward we get from topping is the opportunity to be in control. We can be control queens with permission \u2013 even encouragement. If you enjoy being served, the world seems like a much happier and calmer place when your morning cup of coffee is exactly the strength and temperature you prefer, with just the right amount of sugar and cream. And theres a keen joy in knowing that your needs and desires are echoing in your loved ones head, even when youre not there to express them.\"\n24. Q: What is the twenty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Competence. Many tops who used to be primarily bottoms report a strong motivation in the chance to do it right: if youve ever been on the bottom thinking about how that knot is too loose, and if you ran another rope from just here to over there then the tension on that thigh would be released and the legs would be held perfectly open, youll understand some of the joys of control.\"\n25. Q: What is the twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent, to generate perfectly balanced rope bondage, or an exquisitely timed sensory deprivation scene, or to choreograph a profound psychological journey. And when we do that well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms \u2013 with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.\"\n26. Q: What is the twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Self-knowledge. A familiar story \u2013 \"helpless captive,\" \"shopping in the slave market,\" \"punishing the naughty boy,\" those good old stories that snuggle us to sleep at night \u2013 can be the tip of the iceberg of profound psychological archetypes that we dont see clearly, like a dream or a vision. Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M persona can become the process by which we learn more about who we are. Then our bottoms response becomes the mirror in which we see ourselves more clearly, and as we choreograph the bottoms experience and stretch both of our limits in scene, we constantly create new mirrors in which we can see yet more. The possibilities are indeed endless.\"\n27. Q: What is the twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"WHAT ABOUT BOTTOMS?\"\n28. Q: What is the twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"If some of the above tickles your fancy, chances are you would enjoy topping. So what about bottoms? What do they get out of this? Why would a person want to be beaten, humiliated, ordered around and otherwise inconvenienced so that you can feel big? Well, because bottoming is very, very sexy too. There is tremendous luxury in giving up responsibility and power to a top, in being small, possibly childlike, in having your behavior controlled, in getting nurtured while being subjected to all kinds of intense stimulations.\"\n29. Q: What is the twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"Fear can be arousing\u2026 the subjective experience of bondage can be so sensual as to approach a trance state\u2026 the chance to devote yourself to anothers pleasure can soothe away your own cares\u2026 the controlled experience of pain in a safe and consensual scene can be tremendously rewarding.\"\n30. Q: What is the twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Many of our activities enable us to use our bodies ability to produce naturally occurring morphine-like neurotransmitters called \"endorphins\" in response to intense stimuli. In The New Bottoming Book we described in detail how sensations can be processed through the body to create an endorphin high, and how ecstatic experiences of intensity and openness transmute strong physical and emotional sensation into an altered state of consciousness that we experience as extreme pleasure.\"\n31. Q: What is the thirtieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirtieth paragraph of text in the section is \"Other rewards of bottoming include getting lots of attention, as well as acting out fantasies of helplessness and other forbidden emotions (needy, pathetic, dependent, guilt-ridden) that, like their toppish counterparts, would cause lots of trouble in the real world.\"\n32. Q: What is the thirty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"HOW ARE TOPS AND BOTTOMS INTERRELATED?\"\n33. Q: What is the thirty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"So tops and bottoms are interdependent \u2013 we need each other to play out our fantasy roles as well as to perform the physical acts that make us so happy. Bottoms need tops to push them off cliffs so they can fly, and tops need bottoms so they can ride the same winds, and thats how both can have their dreams come true. This is obvious\u2026 but the fantasies we play with are not necessarily obvious.\"\n34. Q: What is the thirty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"The nature of the dance of BDSM tends to polarize our roles to a greater extent than might be possible or healthy in the rest of our lives. Play pushes both top and bottom out to the far ends of the spectrum. Each player, in traveling further out, supports the other in going yet further. Thus as a wonderful scene progresses, the bottoms get smaller, the tops get bigger, and the larger the territory we encompass: we move to the outer ends of the spectrum, generating something like centrifugal force, spinning further and further out while holding each other safe and tight.\"\n35. Q: What is the thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"WHOSE FANTASY?\"\n36. Q: What is the thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"We want to mention here that not all scenes are based on fantasies, and especially not on fantasies that have detailed scripts or stories. Often the scene is based on an image, a feeling, an emotion, or a specific activity like bondage or flogging or anal sex.\"\n37. Q: What is the thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"One question that comes up when we actually sit down to negotiate a scene is whose fantasy are we playing, the tops or the bottoms? The answer is either, or both, or whatever the two of you together decide will work the best. Some bottoms are not comfortable talking about their fantasies for fear of seeming too directive, but we believe that it is a requirement for a skilled and supportive bottom to be able to tell you about her desires \u2013 as a top, you need some information to figure out what will make this scene work.\"\n38. Q: What is the thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Good tops learn to support bottoms through the embarrassment of revealing their fantasies \u2013 and isnt embarrassment one of those hot forbidden emotions we love to play with? Force that shy little thing to tell you what she wants!\"\n39. Q: What is the thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"Similarly, tops need to learn to speak comfortably about their fantasies and desires. As well see when we talk about negotiation, tops dont just walk up to bottoms and do whatever comes to mind. Scenes are negotiated, and constructed to satisfy both bodies and imaginations while remaining within the limits of both top and bottom. And to find out if your fantasy is within your bottoms limits, you have to discuss it at least enough to establish those limits (everybody enjoys a surprise, but its not kosher to tattoo \"Kilroy Was Here!\" on your friends ass without permission).\"\n40. Q: What is the thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some tops feel they lose authority as a top when they agree to play all or part of a bottoms fantasy, and are offended by the idea that they may be \"servicing\" the bottom. We think its inappropriate to get your ego invested in your bottoms having no desire but to please you, or no ideas of his own. We would be equally critical of a bottom who didnt want to hear about the tops desires and needs, or was not interested in trying out his fantasy.\"\n41. Q: What is the fortieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fortieth paragraph of text in the section is \"New players often start out with one fantasy they have desired and elaborated on for years, while more seasoned tops and bottoms may enjoy many roles in many scenarios. So when we play out a bottoms fantasy we have little to lose and lots to gain. When we stretch to realize someone elses story, we get to enlarge our repertoire, learn new skills, and perhaps discover yet more ways to get turned on. Sounds like a win-win situation to us.\"\n42. Q: What is the forty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"So we see no need to compete over whose game we are playing \u2013 wed rather play your wonderful ideas tonight and mine tomorrow, regardless of whos in charge. Once again, we see this as a collaborative endeavor, in which we play with power that is shared, for the pleasure and benefit of all parties in the game.\"\n43. Q: What is the forty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"SYMBOLISM AND STRUCTURE\"\n44. Q: What is the forty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"As Sir Stephen remarked in The Story of O, we are indeed fond of rituals. BDSM is often characterized by a certain formality or ritual quality that reminds us of opera gowns, dress uniforms, nuns habits and other formal signifiers.\"\n45. Q: What is the forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"Thats because play is to a very real degree about symbolism. The \"kidnapping\" we do for erotic pleasure reflects an arousing fantasy (since in our fantasy, the kidnappers do exactly what we want), and when we play we make sure the \"kidnappers\" are actually doing exactly what we want, a ritual of helplessness in the face of overwhelming stimulas. An actual kidnapping, with no concern for the feelings of the victim, would be a life-shattering reality. The symbol enables us to confront our simultaneous fear of, and attraction to, the genuine horrors of the world. But we need form and structure to clarify the distinction between the symbol and the thing itself.\"\n46. Q: What is the forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"The structure we build around our play creates a \"firewall,\" a boundary that enables us to take vague and abstract ideas, emotions, roles and dynamics and pull them upwards into reality, where we can explore them and get turned on by them. We learn a lot about what the limits are, and where the boundaries are between scene space and the rest of our lives.\"\n47. Q: What is the forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Wise players study the play of those who have gone before us, just as art students study the Old Masters (interesting choice of name, dont you think?). By building on the foundations that others have developed, we can build taller and stronger fireplaces for our flames so they can leap higher, hotter and safer.\"\n48. Q: What is the forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Sometimes costumes help define our structure, telling us what role were playing \u2013 both from the archetypes expressed (cop, pirate, doctor) and by the function of the garments (the daddys belt, the vampires fangs, the goddesss sky-high heels). These symbols are also a reminder that the top has made a commitment to remain aware, contained, in control of both partners \u2013 that she has agreed not to fall down on the floor and thrash in ecstasy until it is safe and consonant to do so. The bottom may not dress at all, indicating vulnerability and availability, or may have his essential nakedness accentuated by symbols like collars or corsets, or by clothes which can be removed by the top as part of a spiritual and physical stripping away of defenses.\"\n49. Q: What is the forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"Bondage, even symbolic bondage such as a loop of thread holding thumbs together, creates a structure which controls the bottoms behavior and defines roles. So are the names which we call one another \u2013 \"sir\" and \"boy,\" \"mistress\" and \"slave,\" \"milady\" and \"sirrah,\" \"Spot\" and \"woof woof!\"\"\n50. Q: What is the forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Sometimes our structure is defined by logistics: time, physical abilities, environments. We enter the dungeon and become our \"other selves,\" then leave it and become our day-to-day selves again. Our time agreements may be our form: well play until 3:00, then go get something to eat. Or we may agree to play until one or the other or both of us has had an orgasm, or has reached some mutually agreed upon level of stimulation.\"\n51. Q: What is the fiftieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fiftieth paragraph of text in the section is \"All these structures are there to help you get as big as you can, and your bottom as small as he can, while ensuring your safe return to your normal size when you need to go back. Like Alices looking glass, they enable you to wander safely through the topsy-turvy dreamscapes of fantasy, where pain is pleasure and cruelty is love.\"", "response": "\n\n2\n\nWHAT IS IT ABOUT TOPPING, ANYWAY?\n\nIn the so-called \"real world,\" most of us constantly struggle with power, working to empower ourselves, and to protect ourselves from being overpowered by others. This is serious business.\n\nBut power can be sexy as well as serious. In S/M, we imitate the outward appearance of those grim real-world struggles for power, while building in the safeguards we need to keep us from being genuinely harmed. We believe that one purpose of S/M is to give us a way to enjoy the \"upside\" of power \u2013 its sexiness and drama \u2013 without bringing along its \"downside.\" Weve heard people say, \"S/M is power games for fun instead of profit,\" and we agree.\n\nBUILDING YOUR HEARTH. But isnt this desire for power potentially destructive? Good question. We live in a culture of powermongers. We see all around us the ways in which power is misused to abuse those who lack the power to protect themselves. So how can we, as tops, justify wanting to get our rocks off feeling like the most powerful person of all?\n\nThe popular stereotype of an S/M top is of an amoral, irresponsible and destructive person: thats what youll see in the movies. But in our world, we find that playing with power is like playing with fire: yes, there is the possibility of destruction if we are not careful\u2026 and there is also enormous potential for constructive heat that warms and heals.\n\nOne way we make it safe to play with fire is to build an adequate fireplace, a container, a hearth. We call it \"scene space,\" and well tell you about building it later. Another way we make it safe is to become wise in the ways of power (in BDSM, we have lots of opportunity!). An ethical top understands power and wields it constructively, responsibly and safely.\n\nIS ALL POWER THE SAME? From feminist theory we have learned to distinguish between power-over and power-with. Power-over is a behavior pattern in which a person measures personal power by his or her ability to control others \u2013 you increase your own power by stealing power from somebody else. You can see this dynamic anywhere you see rigid hierarchies or chains of command, like the military or the corporate ladder.\n\nIn our experience, if your goal is to build yourself a sense of empowerment and solid self-esteem, stealing power doesnt work very well. You cant build a solid sense of self-esteem by stealing someone elses. When people strive to empower themselves this way they behave like addicts, constantly scheming to replenish a supply of power that never was truly theirs.\n\nOn the other hand, there is power-with. Power-with enables us to get more power by sharing our power with others. The more I have, the more you have. By supporting one another in our power, we get more for ourselves.\n\nIn any S/M exchange there is a sharing of power \u2013 the bottom lends his power to the top for the duration, the top adds power, and together they make a lot of voltage. The top gets to wield all this power, a form of extreme empowerment that is exciting, thrilling, hot, erotic, and, as we said before, very, very sexy.\n\nSo the first big payoff for topping is that we get to ride a whole lot of power, and to be, within the agreements and boundaries of a scene, enormously powerful.\n\nSO WHATS IN IT FOR YOU?\n\nWe asked a number of tops what rewards they found in topping \u2013 thanks to all of them for the following list. Remember, when you read a list of other peoples turn-ons, some of them will work for you and others will not. Dont worry \u2013 hardly anybody could like every single thing on this list; there are certainly a few that we ourselves have not experienced.\n\n> \u2022 Empathy. Near the top of most peoples lists is the \"contact high,\" the turn-on we feel in empathy with the bottoms response to the physical, emotional and sexual intensity of the scene. One top describes this feeling as getting to surf the bottoms sensations.\n\n> It is certainly a truism of S/M that the bottom is on the receiving end of most of the stimulation. If empathy didnt work so well we wonder if anybody would get turned on to topping in the first place, or if we would all decide that topping is all work and no fun. But the happy truth is that we can indeed get intensely stimulated from what our partner is feeling. Both of us are amazed, after a few hours of highly technical topping, when we get to the part of the scene where the focus is on our orgasm, to experience an enormous orgasm (or several of them) \u2013 as if it had been building bigger and bigger inside us, just waiting for us to have the time to have it.\n\n> Empathy in BDSM presents a wonderful paradox: as tops in role, we are often called upon to present ourselves as cold, cruel and unfeeling, when in fact we are getting our rocks off on an empathy so profound that it can approach the telepathic. So we believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual sadism, dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities.\n\n> \u2022 Creativity. Another frequently cited delight of topping is the opportunity for creativity. We get to be the playwright, the producer, the director and the lead actor all at once. We are presented with a lump of malleable clay \u2013 the bottom \u2013 with which we can create the sculpture of our fantasies. We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius. We get to exercise our intuition as we figure out what will get to this particular bottom, or how to get them where we want them. We get to have our fantasy our way, to play dolls with real people: for a while we get to make the world look just the way we want it to. We play God.\n\n> \u2022 Bigness. When we top we get to feel big. It may not be okay to act huge in ordinary social interactions, and youre usually not allowed to overwhelm people without their permission. When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies \u2013 when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!\n\n> \u2022 Nurturing. Janet remembers some of her childhood fantasies in which she was doing really terrible things to very small people, so she could cradle them like dolls afterwards. Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest.\n\n> How does nurturing reward the top? Well, the nurturer, again, is big, and in play gets to be even bigger as we practice a kind of hyper-nurturance, enveloping our bottoms, almost as if we could engulf them. As nurturing tops we may play out the roles of Good Mommy or Good Daddy, maybe in a way we didnt get to experience in our childhood, so we get a chance to rewrite history. In scene space we can elicit and reenact trauma and also be the good parent who heals the wounds. Many of the most profound psychological scenes include intense nurturance. And in a world in which nurturing energy can be in short supply, it can be a delight to create an environment in which we get to taste a whole lot of it.\n\n> \u2022 Bullying. In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that could not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked. And popular. Check out mainstream movies, or fiction from best-sellers to classical mythology, for verification that everybody adores a really good villain. Those bad guys are big. Big enough to carry all the worlds ills, and create all the pain and trouble a hungry bottom could want to suffer.\n\n> And what could be more forbidden than our own nastiness? Most of us learned things from our families and our culture, or perhaps from our more primitive and essential natures, that arent very civilized. Many people view almost all relationships as interactions between victims and oppressors, so in topping we manifest our oppressor so the bottom can be in victim role, and both of us can have a powerful and erotic experience. S/M provides a safe way to be in the world for our internalized oppressor, the precious bully within.\n\n> \u2022 Control. Another powerful reward we get from topping is the opportunity to be in control. We can be control queens with permission \u2013 even encouragement. If you enjoy being served, the world seems like a much happier and calmer place when your morning cup of coffee is exactly the strength and temperature you prefer, with just the right amount of sugar and cream. And theres a keen joy in knowing that your needs and desires are echoing in your loved ones head, even when youre not there to express them.\n\n> \u2022 Competence. Many tops who used to be primarily bottoms report a strong motivation in the chance to do it right: if youve ever been on the bottom thinking about how that knot is too loose, and if you ran another rope from just here to over there then the tension on that thigh would be released and the legs would be held perfectly open, youll understand some of the joys of control.\n\n> S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent, to generate perfectly balanced rope bondage, or an exquisitely timed sensory deprivation scene, or to choreograph a profound psychological journey. And when we do that well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms \u2013 with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.\n\n> \u2022 Self-knowledge. A familiar story \u2013 \"helpless captive,\" \"shopping in the slave market,\" \"punishing the naughty boy,\" those good old stories that snuggle us to sleep at night \u2013 can be the tip of the iceberg of profound psychological archetypes that we dont see clearly, like a dream or a vision. Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M persona can become the process by which we learn more about who we are. Then our bottoms response becomes the mirror in which we see ourselves more clearly, and as we choreograph the bottoms experience and stretch both of our limits in scene, we constantly create new mirrors in which we can see yet more. The possibilities are indeed endless.\n\nWHAT ABOUT BOTTOMS?\n\nIf some of the above tickles your fancy, chances are you would enjoy topping. So what about bottoms? What do they get out of this? Why would a person want to be beaten, humiliated, ordered around and otherwise inconvenienced so that you can feel big? Well, because bottoming is very, very sexy too. There is tremendous luxury in giving up responsibility and power to a top, in being small, possibly childlike, in having your behavior controlled, in getting nurtured while being subjected to all kinds of intense stimulations.\n\nFear can be arousing\u2026 the subjective experience of bondage can be so sensual as to approach a trance state\u2026 the chance to devote yourself to anothers pleasure can soothe away your own cares\u2026 the controlled experience of pain in a safe and consensual scene can be tremendously rewarding.\n\nMany of our activities enable us to use our bodies ability to produce naturally occurring morphine-like neurotransmitters called \"endorphins\" in response to intense stimuli. In The New Bottoming Book we described in detail how sensations can be processed through the body to create an endorphin high, and how ecstatic experiences of intensity and openness transmute strong physical and emotional sensation into an altered state of consciousness that we experience as extreme pleasure.\n\nOther rewards of bottoming include getting lots of attention, as well as acting out fantasies of helplessness and other forbidden emotions (needy, pathetic, dependent, guilt-ridden) that, like their toppish counterparts, would cause lots of trouble in the real world.\n\nHOW ARE TOPS AND BOTTOMS INTERRELATED?\n\nSo tops and bottoms are interdependent \u2013 we need each other to play out our fantasy roles as well as to perform the physical acts that make us so happy. Bottoms need tops to push them off cliffs so they can fly, and tops need bottoms so they can ride the same winds, and thats how both can have their dreams come true. This is obvious\u2026 but the fantasies we play with are not necessarily obvious.\n\nThe nature of the dance of BDSM tends to polarize our roles to a greater extent than might be possible or healthy in the rest of our lives. Play pushes both top and bottom out to the far ends of the spectrum. Each player, in traveling further out, supports the other in going yet further. Thus as a wonderful scene progresses, the bottoms get smaller, the tops get bigger, and the larger the territory we encompass: we move to the outer ends of the spectrum, generating something like centrifugal force, spinning further and further out while holding each other safe and tight.\n\nWHOSE FANTASY?\n\nWe want to mention here that not all scenes are based on fantasies, and especially not on fantasies that have detailed scripts or stories. Often the scene is based on an image, a feeling, an emotion, or a specific activity like bondage or flogging or anal sex.\n\nOne question that comes up when we actually sit down to negotiate a scene is whose fantasy are we playing, the tops or the bottoms? The answer is either, or both, or whatever the two of you together decide will work the best. Some bottoms are not comfortable talking about their fantasies for fear of seeming too directive, but we believe that it is a requirement for a skilled and supportive bottom to be able to tell you about her desires \u2013 as a top, you need some information to figure out what will make this scene work.\n\nGood tops learn to support bottoms through the embarrassment of revealing their fantasies \u2013 and isnt embarrassment one of those hot forbidden emotions we love to play with? Force that shy little thing to tell you what she wants!\n\nSimilarly, tops need to learn to speak comfortably about their fantasies and desires. As well see when we talk about negotiation, tops dont just walk up to bottoms and do whatever comes to mind. Scenes are negotiated, and constructed to satisfy both bodies and imaginations while remaining within the limits of both top and bottom. And to find out if your fantasy is within your bottoms limits, you have to discuss it at least enough to establish those limits (everybody enjoys a surprise, but its not kosher to tattoo \"Kilroy Was Here!\" on your friends ass without permission).\n\nSome tops feel they lose authority as a top when they agree to play all or part of a bottoms fantasy, and are offended by the idea that they may be \"servicing\" the bottom. We think its inappropriate to get your ego invested in your bottoms having no desire but to please you, or no ideas of his own. We would be equally critical of a bottom who didnt want to hear about the tops desires and needs, or was not interested in trying out his fantasy.\n\nNew players often start out with one fantasy they have desired and elaborated on for years, while more seasoned tops and bottoms may enjoy many roles in many scenarios. So when we play out a bottoms fantasy we have little to lose and lots to gain. When we stretch to realize someone elses story, we get to enlarge our repertoire, learn new skills, and perhaps discover yet more ways to get turned on. Sounds like a win-win situation to us.\n\nSo we see no need to compete over whose game we are playing \u2013 wed rather play your wonderful ideas tonight and mine tomorrow, regardless of whos in charge. Once again, we see this as a collaborative endeavor, in which we play with power that is shared, for the pleasure and benefit of all parties in the game.\n\nSYMBOLISM AND STRUCTURE\n\nAs Sir Stephen remarked in The Story of O, we are indeed fond of rituals. BDSM is often characterized by a certain formality or ritual quality that reminds us of opera gowns, dress uniforms, nuns habits and other formal signifiers.\n\nThats because play is to a very real degree about symbolism. The \"kidnapping\" we do for erotic pleasure reflects an arousing fantasy (since in our fantasy, the kidnappers do exactly what we want), and when we play we make sure the \"kidnappers\" are actually doing exactly what we want, a ritual of helplessness in the face of overwhelming stimulas. An actual kidnapping, with no concern for the feelings of the victim, would be a life-shattering reality. The symbol enables us to confront our simultaneous fear of, and attraction to, the genuine horrors of the world. But we need form and structure to clarify the distinction between the symbol and the thing itself.\n\nThe structure we build around our play creates a \"firewall,\" a boundary that enables us to take vague and abstract ideas, emotions, roles and dynamics and pull them upwards into reality, where we can explore them and get turned on by them. We learn a lot about what the limits are, and where the boundaries are between scene space and the rest of our lives.\n\nWise players study the play of those who have gone before us, just as art students study the Old Masters (interesting choice of name, dont you think?). By building on the foundations that others have developed, we can build taller and stronger fireplaces for our flames so they can leap higher, hotter and safer.\n\nSometimes costumes help define our structure, telling us what role were playing \u2013 both from the archetypes expressed (cop, pirate, doctor) and by the function of the garments (the daddys belt, the vampires fangs, the goddesss sky-high heels). These symbols are also a reminder that the top has made a commitment to remain aware, contained, in control of both partners \u2013 that she has agreed not to fall down on the floor and thrash in ecstasy until it is safe and consonant to do so. The bottom may not dress at all, indicating vulnerability and availability, or may have his essential nakedness accentuated by symbols like collars or corsets, or by clothes which can be removed by the top as part of a spiritual and physical stripping away of defenses.\n\nBondage, even symbolic bondage such as a loop of thread holding thumbs together, creates a structure which controls the bottoms behavior and defines roles. So are the names which we call one another \u2013 \"sir\" and \"boy,\" \"mistress\" and \"slave,\" \"milady\" and \"sirrah,\" \"Spot\" and \"woof woof!\"\n\nSometimes our structure is defined by logistics: time, physical abilities, environments. We enter the dungeon and become our \"other selves,\" then leave it and become our day-to-day selves again. Our time agreements may be our form: well play until 3:00, then go get something to eat. Or we may agree to play until one or the other or both of us has had an orgasm, or has reached some mutually agreed upon level of stimulation.\n\nAll these structures are there to help you get as big as you can, and your bottom as small as he can, while ensuring your safe return to your normal size when you need to go back. Like Alices looking glass, they enable you to wander safely through the topsy-turvy dreamscapes of fantasy, where pain is pleasure and cruelty is love.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"Understanding the Role of a Top in BDSM: Finding Your Top Persona and Setting Boundaries\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a detailed section for a nonfiction book about the role of a top in BDSM. The section should discuss the following:\n\n1. Finding Your Top Persona: Explain how a top's persona in a BDSM scene can come from various sources, such as deep-seated fantasies, popular culture, real-world torture, and childhood memories. Encourage readers to overcome any embarrassment they might feel about their fantasies and to explore their imagination. Provide an example of a situation where a seemingly simple fantasy led to an enjoyable scene.\n\n2. The Importance of Roles: Although not all scenes require a specific role, they often have a certain flavor or atmosphere that can be described using role-playing terms. For instance, a scene with a harsh tone and pushed limits might have the flavor of a torture or interrogation scene, while a nurturing scene might have a nice-mommy or nice-daddy flavor.\n\n3. Boundaries: Discuss the concept of edge play and how every player is an edge player in their own way, trying to define and explore the boundary between enjoyment and genuine discomfort. Emphasize that the only criterion for good play is that everyone involved gets what they want from it, regardless of the intensity level.\n\n4. Safewords: Explain the importance of safewords as a way to communicate when there's a problem or when something isn't working during a scene. Encourage the use of short, easy-to-pronounce words and remind readers that tops can safeword too. Provide an example of a situation where a top had to safeword and how it was handled.\n\n5. Dealing with the Desire to Push Limits: Address the common desire for tops to come closer to the gray area between consent and nonconsent as they gain more experience. Suggest ways to indulge these desires without harming or alienating their partner, such as spending time thinking objectively about the fantasies driving the desire to push limits and communicating openly with their partner about them.\n\n6. The Dangers of Labeling: Caution against using terms like \"real submissive\" or \"true Master\" and explain how these phrases often mean \"someone who plays in a way I approve of.\" Encourage readers to acknowledge and honor the limits, desires, fantasies, and power of both themselves and their partners.", "response": "\n\n3\n\nWHAT DO TOPS DO?\n\nFINDING YOUR TOP PERSONA. As a top, you might be a sadistically vicious interrogator, or a sweetly sorrowful parent whos only spanking this naughty boy for his own good. You could be a mad scientist out of a horror film, an eight-year-old girl blackmailing her babysitter, Simon Legree, the Phantom of the Opera, or the evil caliph keeping his harem in order. You could be Captain Bligh, Captain Picard, Captain Hook, Captain America or even Captain Kangaroo, because the ways to be a top are limited only by your imagination.\n\nMost of our fantasies come from very deep places inside us \u2013 Janet blushes to admit that she still has toppy fantasies about the villains on the old campy \"Batman\" TV show that aired in her impressionable adolescence. We draw our fantasies from the powerful archetypes found in popular culture, like movies and TV shows; from the real-world torture and rape that simultaneously fascinate and horrify us; from well-thumbed reminiscences of our own childhoods \u2013 in short, from almost any place our monkey curiosity carries us.\n\nFantasies are seldom sophisticated, ambiguous or even very pretty. They almost never contain negotiation or safewords (these are \"safety nets\" that get built into our real-world play to help make our fantasies safer to enact). For these reasons, and because we know that wanting to hurt, control or humiliate people is not OK, we may feel very ashamed or embarrassed about our fantasies. But once we overcome that embarrassment, and discover how many other people have similar feelings, our fantasy world becomes a hot and happy playground.\n\n> During one of our play dates, we originally had no particular scenario in mind. But during the one-hour drive between our houses, Janet was idly fantasizing about being the matron in a Victorian workhouse full of girl orphans. With no small embarrassment, she shared that fantasy with Dossie over lunch. Dossie happened to be wearing a sundress that made her look about fourteen, and the roles and scenario fell easily into place from there: Dossie became the new little orphan recently brought into the workhouse, and \"Miss Janet, maam\" spent a happy couple of hours showing her \"how things is done around ere,\" and demonstrating the dreadful canings she would get if she ever misbehaved.\n\nAdvertising people refer to radio as \"theater of the mind,\" because a few well-chosen words and sound effects are all it takes to create an entire scenario inside the head of the listener. We think S/M is theater of the mind, too. Its a rare treat when you can set up a scene with full props and costumes and dialogue; more often, a couple of items \u2013 a dashing hat, say, or a flogger that looks like something Basil Rathbone might have used on Errol Flynn \u2013 is all it takes to create and maintain an illusion. And, as the top, you get to be playwright, set designer, costume designer, director and audience.\n\nDO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A ROLE? A lot of our best S/M scenes have been done without recourse to any particular role \u2013 were not Harriet Marwood or Ming the Merciless, were simply us.\n\nStill, any given scene has a \"flavor\" that can often be described by describing a role. A harsh scene in which limits get pushed, in which the top acts as though she really doesnt care what happens to the bottom, may have the flavor of a torture or interrogation scene. A very nurturing scene, in which the top is giving the bottom a lot of \"there, there, you can take just a little more\" messages, may have more of a nice-mommy or nice-daddy flavor.\n\nA lot of people are bashful about overt role-playing, and others simply arent turned on by it \u2013 it seems false to them. But, just as a role-playing scene where the bottom wants to be a horsie and the top wants to be Superman is likely to run into problems, a scene where one partner wants to humiliate and the other wants to be nurtured is probably not going to work too well. So even if youre not into playing your roles overtly, its important to be clear about what flavor of scene you want. And when we talk in this book about a \"daddy scene\" or an \"interrogation scene,\" we may be talking about a scene with overt roles, props and dialogue, or we may be describing the overall flavor of the scene.\n\nWHERE ARE THE BOUNDARIES?\n\nAs you can see, many of the roles in this book reflect real-world power relationships of various intensities. Because we are eroticized to power, we may begin to feel that we want our play to be more and more \"real\" \u2013 to creep closer to the edge where the realities of consent and power begin to blur.\n\nS/M folk sometimes describe people who play in that blurry area as \"edge players.\" But we think all players are edge players.\n\nWere all playing in a topsy-turvy world where pain equals pleasure, where fear equals arousal, where \"no! no!\" equals \"YES!!!\" Each of us may be, in our own way, trying to define the boundary where our bottoms enjoyment of \"not wanting something\" turns into really not wanting it, and trying to explore and, perhaps, alter that boundary. The player whose play seems so light that you wouldnt even define it as S/M is an edge player when she is in her own way doing something thats difficult or scary or painful, in an attempt to turn the unacceptable into the erotic: playing at his or her edge.\n\nJanet once did a scene with a novice bottom:\n\n> Hed never played at all before, and so I set his first scene up to be very lightweight: I tied him to the bed, blindfolded him, and simply gave him mild, sensuous sensations with different textures \u2013 fur, leather, my fingernails and so on \u2013 all over his body. If youd asked me beforehand, Id have told you such a scene would not be much of a turn-on for me; I was doing it as a favor to him. But as I caressed him, he began to release some deep emotions: he giggled, he writhed, he sobbed\u2026 he was just one great big live nerve ending. And I found that I was getting very turned on, because while the sensations I was giving him werent much, they were eliciting such powerful and primal responses from him. He was getting stroked with a scrap of fur, but it was edge play for him \u2013 and that made it edge play for me too.\n\nWe deplore what Dossie has dubbed \"the hierarchy of hip about heaviness.\" In this form of craziness, a player whose forays into branding/bullwhips/whatever have been only moderately successful is deemed superior to one whose light spankings or erotic bondage sessions have left his or her partner glowing like a 200-watt bulb. To us, the only criterion for good play is: did everyone involved get what they wanted from it? If the answer to that question is \"yes,\" the session gets an automatic A-plus \u2013 whether it was a handspanking or a needle suspension.\n\nWe know one player whose mantra is \"This is not a contest. This is not a contest\" \u2013 repeated to himself every time he begins to try to exceed another players accomplishments. We think this is a good mantra for us all.\n\nSAFEWORDS. A safeword is a word agreed upon by the players in a scene that means stop, theres a problem, we need to change something, something isnt working, someones in trouble. We establish a code word because many of us become incoherent when we are very excited \u2013 we recommend safewords that are short and easy to pronounce when breathing hard. We use code because many scenes are based on a fantasy of nonconsent, and yelling \"nononononono\" may be part of the script.\n\nTops safeword too. Dossie tells the story of a time when she safeworded out of a major scene:\n\n> My lover had wanted me to brand her for a long time, and we had planned, collected information, researched everybody elses experience and our own personal symbolism, and set up to do a ritual branding. We lived in the country, and had invited friends to come down to support this event, so there were witnesses. I had been practicing branding and felt somewhat insecure about my facility with the procedure, but spent the morning up in the ring of redwood trees over a very hot hibachi gamely branding slices of potato and turkey parts until I felt I could touch her with hot metal and not burn all the way through her. During this time, the houseguests were keeping her amused, and when we started up she was already entranced. Our ritual included a flogging to bring up the endorphins before the actual branding, but when I started to flog her it became apparent that something was wrong. Nothing I did seemed to be right for her, a very gentle stroke was too hard, she was not comfortable and neither was I. She wanted to go ahead anyway, but I decided that I could not brand her when I couldnt make connection, and that there was no way that I was going to put a serious and permanent mark on her body when things were feeling unpleasant. So I safeworded, big bad brander that I am. I felt like an idiot. Here we had brought all these people together and I had chickened out. And my lover wasnt happy about it, and it took awhile to bring her back down onto the planet from her tranced-out space \u2013 it was dire. I must have apologized forty or fifty times to our guests, who were very supportive and reassuring, bless their hearts. I reminded myself over and over, as I remind you now: it is possible, actually not very difficult, to have an experience of extreme public embarrassment, live through it, and be fine afterwards. Which we were. I now think the first time was a rehearsal, and perhaps we both needed to know that we could back out. About a month later, we got together with two friends and pulled the branding off without a hitch, and with much delight.\n\nWhenever a player safewords, this is an occasion for mutual support. We understand that nobody safewords from a happy place, and that all of our egos feel frail and kind of runty when we need to back out of a scene. It is completely unethical to respond with scorn or ridicule to a person who has safeworded: S/M is not a competition, we are not playing against each other.\n\nAs tops, we have noticed that if we are having a good time and our bottom safewords, our initial feelings may not be happy. Whaddaya mean you dont like that? I do all this work and you dont appreciate it? Im hot for being in control and you want me to stop? We have felt real anger and felt challenged in our top role\u2026 and, on a deeper level, we have felt put down, hurt and rejected. It is okay to have these feelings. It is not okay to act on them. Take three deep breaths and everybody start taking care of each other.\n\nSometimes bottoms get so deeply engaged in a scene that they fail to safeword, or forget, or so profoundly believe in the fantasy that it doesnt occur to them: many of the techniques we play with, like interrogation, function in the real world to undermine volition. Dossie remembers a scene in which a top offered her a choice of something or other: \"I felt very confused. Some distant part of me vaguely remembered having made choices, but the response from my state of consciousness at that time was, Choose? I am not a thing that chooses.\" So then what is the tops responsibility?\n\nIf a bottom does not safeword and you dont pick up on whats going on, and this will happen if you play long enough and well enough, there is no blame. However, it is still your responsibility to monitor for physical safety as best you can. As ethical tops we make a commitment to never knowingly harm our bottoms. To this end we check in regularly to make sure that things are going the way we think they are, and we constantly monitor the physical and emotional safety of our bottoms. If a bottom is beyond safewording, and you as the top feel unsure about how far you should go, it is your responsibility to slow down or stop the scene and get into communication with the bottom to make sure you have informed consent. If you have to bring the bottom back into reality to do this, please remember that you helped get them into that altered state in the first place, so presumably you can help get them back there again as soon as you are sure of whats going on.\n\nAnd just because someone safeworded doesnt mean that the scene has to be over. There may be times when the problem that brought either of you to safeword is so overwhelming that carrying on doesnt feel like the right thing right now \u2013 but most often we find that after weve dealt with whatever the difficulty is, were still terrifically turned on, with the added bonus of a shared intimacy.\n\nWHEN YOU ITCH TO GO FURTHER. Many of us find that the more we play, the closer we want to come to the gray area between \"enough\" and \"too much,\" between consent and nonconsent. These desires may grow so strong that we feel that were craving genuinely nonconsensual play \u2013 that we really do want to kidnap a stranger or whip a slave or punish a child.\n\nWe will assume that you who are reading this book are not about to do any such thing: if you feel that you are in danger of actually harming someone, please seek help from a therapist or counselor right away. But when youre feeling frustrated by partners who want to stop before youre ready to, or who dont want to play the way you want to, its easy to let the fantasies grow so strong that they begin to seem like realities. The good news is that, with patience, skill, mutual knowledge and trust, and sometimes a bit of compromise, there are usually ways to indulge those desires without harming, alienating or losing your partner.\n\nWe suggest that you spend a little time thinking objectively, if you can, about the fantasies that are driving your desire to push limits. In your fantasy, what is the turn-on? How can you tell, for example, that the bottom has been driven past limits? Is she begging, crying, screaming? Is there physical evidence \u2013 blood, urine, tears?\n\nWhen you have a pretty clear picture of what that turn-on looks like to you, you get to the embarrassing part: describing it to your partner. You may find, to your surprise, that your bottom has been having similar fantasies, and needs only your permission to go into the headspace youve both been craving. (Begging for mercy, for example, is difficult for many bottoms, who may be worried that they will beg so effectively that youll actually stop. Knowing that youre willing to keep going unless you hear a safeword can feel very freeing.) Or your bottom may be willing to play-act the fantasy in the way that turns you on \u2013 he may find that the role starts to seem very real and very arousing once he gives it a try.\n\nWe sometimes meet tops and bottoms who want to do scenes without safewords, reasoning that it is impossible to \"really\" push limits when the bottom can stop the scene anytime she wants to. A safeword is simply a code we use to communicate the status of consent. Responsible tops play consensually \u2013 the safeword is your safety net, to let you know thats what youre doing.\n\nIn our experience, the most common problem is the opposite one: bottoms who earnestly hang in there way beyond their limits and safeword too late rather than too soon. But remember \u2013 bottoms are there with you because they want to explore their limits, and they, not you, are the best judges of where those limits are. The safest and most growthful way to expand limits is with time, trust and practice: as partners play together and learn more about each others communications style and physical limitations, they tend to use encoded safewords less and less frequently. But even partners who have been together for years need safewords to signal the rare but critical situations where one partner or the other has a genuine physical or emotional emergency such as illness, injury, unexpected rage, age regression and the like.\n\nIF YOURE DOING IT, ITS \"REAL\"\n\nBoth of us cringe, and have been known to get a bit snappish, when we hear phrases that start with \"real\" or \"true\" \u2013 \"real submissive,\" \"true Master\" and so on. When you hear someone say one of those phrases, we suggest you mentally translate them into what they really mean \u2013 \"someone who plays in a way I approve of.\" Usually, the next thing we hear is that so-and-so is not a \"real\" top or not \"truly\" submissive. Ick.\n\nOften, people who dismiss others as not being \"real\" are expressing scorn for limits which are both real and realistic, and which exist (acknowledged or unacknowledged) in all safe play. When you set yourself up an unattainable ideal role, and subtract points from your estimation of your friends and yourself whenever anyone falls short of that ideal, we think you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.\n\nThe player who does a light session twice a year is doing something extremely \"real\" \u2013 she is giving away or taking as much power as feels safe, healthy and sexy to him or her. So is the most extreme 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week owner and slave couple.\n\nS/M is about contradiction, about paradox. A bottom who is (or pretends to be) without desires, fantasies or power is an unsafe and unhealthy bottom. A top who is (or pretends to be) without vulnerability, compromise or connection is an unsafe and unhealthy top.\n\nIf you cant understand these paradoxes \u2013 the ways in which symbolic powerlessness can empower and symbolic cruelty can sensitize \u2013 please sit down and think them through carefully. We hope that when youre through thinking, youll realize how destructive concepts like \"real dominant\" and \"true slave\" can be, and discover the far greater joys that lie in play in which everybodys needs and wants are acknowledged, honored and enjoyed.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"A Detailed Account of a Sensation Scene at a BDSM Party\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a detailed account of a sensation scene between two experienced female players, Janet and her friend, B. The account should include the following:\n\n1. Background: Provide some background on the relationship between Janet and B, including their sexual orientations, roles, and previous play experiences together.\n\n2. Preparation and Consent: Describe the discussions they had before the scene, including the types of play they agreed upon, their safewords, and any boundaries or limitations.\n\n3. Setting and Equipment: Detail the setting of the scene at a BDSM party and the bondage equipment they chose, such as a cable-spool table with handles.\n\n4. The Scene: Describe the various sensation play activities that took place during the scene, including the use of different types of floggers, a strap, a butt plug, and a birch rod. Include details on how each implement affected B and how Janet adjusted her approach based on B's reactions.\n\n5. Emotions and Reactions: Share the emotions and reactions from both Janet and B throughout the scene, such as moments of discomfort, arousal, and pleasure.\n\n6. Climax and Aftercare: Detail the climax of the scene, including the use of canes and the final orgasm. Describe the aftercare that took place, including giggling, cuddling, and food/drink.\n\n7. Follow-up: Mention any follow-up communication between Janet and B after the scene, such as an email discussing their experience.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 1\n\nA sensation scene at a party, played by Janet and a female friend.\n\nB. and I are close friends, but had played together before only once, in a very limited way; this would be our first full-on scene together. We are both het-identified bi women, both experienced players, and while were both switches, she is more comfortable in the bottom role. I knew from our discussions ahead of time that she enjoyed flagellation of all kinds, particularly on her butt, and that she was fond of play piercing and of both vaginal and anal penetration. While she is comfortable with dominant/submissive roleplay, she doesnt need it to enjoy straight sensation play; since it isnt a preference of mine, we decided to pass on any kind of mental control and simply go for the \"high\" of strong sensation. We agreed on safewords and were ready to go.\n\nWe arrived at the party somewhat early, so we had our choice of bondage equipment. To start out, we chose a large cable-spool table, padded with vinyl and surrounded by handles. B. told me that bondage makes her feel uncomfortably confined and that she would prefer simply to be told to hold still. She hopped onto the table and I told her to lie face down, placing a thick pad of paper towels under her pussy to keep her juices off the equipment. I unfastened her garters and took down her stockings, but left her corset in place; her butt was my target for this part of the evening.\n\nI started out with a heavy soft suede flogger and began gently flogging her butt and upper thighs. I could tell she was hardly feeling these strokes, but I built them up fairly slowly anyway, swinging overhand from her left side, then from her right. By the time the strokes got fairly hard, she was beginning to get turned on, arching her butt up to meet the suede and moaning loudly. I moved down to her feet and pulled them apart to spread her legs, then began flogging her butt from below in a figure-eight configuration, quite hard. Her response grew vivid enough that I was pretty sure shed come if I kept it up, and I didnt want that to happen yet. So I finished with a few more strokes and switched to a harsher, stingier braided cat, using the same pattern of first from the left side, then from the right, then in a figure-eight from below. I thought that this sensation would be more painful and less sexual for her, and judging from her reaction, it was\u2026 but she was obviously still having a good time. (It was somewhere around this time that I moved up to her head to see how she was doing, and she saw that I was laughing and began to get a little uptight, thinking that I was laughing at her. I said, \"No, Im just laughing because youre so unbelievably fucking wonderful.\")\n\nI wanted her next sensation to be solider, not as spread out as the multi-tailed implements Id been using so far. I got out a heavy leather strap and began swinging that from the side. She was obviously working pretty hard to handle that sensation; she started rolling from side to side to avoid the blows, so I used my left hand to press the small of her back down toward the table while I whipped with my right. I wasnt sure if being held down physically would trigger her aversion to bondage, so I watched her reactions carefully. It seemed OK, and I was enjoying it, so I kept it up. The sensation of the strap didnt seem to be turning her on much, though, and I wanted to keep her sexual arousal high. I put a glove on my right hand and lubed a couple of fingers and began to explore her asshole. One finger went in effortlessly, and so did two. She was moaning and wriggling against my fingers \u2013 OK, great. I got a medium-sized butt plug out of my bag, stretched a condom over it, lubed it up, and inserted it. It went in with no difficulty at all, and she reacted with dramatic and visible arousal. I resumed strapping her, pausing to wiggle the plug a bit whenever the balance between pain and arousal seemed to be tipping too far.\n\nNext I got out an experiment \u2013 a birch rod (a bundle of long whippy birch switches bound together at the handle and spreading out into a broomlike spray). Shed never felt a birch before, and Id only used one a couple of times before, so we werent sure how this would work out. Since shed been reacting more positively to thuddy toys than to stingy ones, my guess was that shed have a hard time with something as stingy as the birch. I started hitting her ass with it. She went quite still, her back arched, hands braced against the table and shoulders and head up. Obviously Id guessed right \u2013 this was a tough sensation for her. But she rose to the challenge. I went a little harder. Her face was working with the effort to process the sensation. I was enjoying birching her a lot, but I wanted this scene to be more about pleasure/pain than straight pain, so I didnt push it too hard. I rubbed and massaged her butt a bit to diffuse the sting, and told her shed been great.\n\nTime for something more fun. I took out a clublike rod of heavy Teflon \u2013 a thuddy instrument that has to be used extremely carefully, since it could break bones with a missed or overly hard blow. I tried a couple of not-too-hard strokes on her lower butt and she began to moan almost immediately. I hit a bit harder and she began to writhe. Experimentally, I tapped the base of the butt plug with the club a couple of times and she began to act like she was about to come, so I grabbed the plug and began to wiggle and thrust it. She came almost immediately, loudly and enthusiastically. I alternated hitting her with the club and getting her off with the plug a couple more times until she was panting and limp.\n\nAt last, the grand finale \u2013 the canes, which I knew were her favorite and mine. I started with my lightest cane, a medium-width whippy rattan one. I gave her one trial moderate-strength stroke, and when I saw her reaction I knew we were onto something. I hit harder, mostly giving her about fifteen seconds between strokes to process the sensation, but occasionally making her work harder by giving her two or even three in quick succession. Her moans were low-pitched and the motion of her hips told me that she was finding the cane strokes erotic. But shed taken quite a bit by now, and since I didnt really know too much about how well her body recovered from heavy beatings, I didnt want to push my luck, so I began to think about winding the session down.\n\nI switched to a different cane \u2013 a manmade one, a bit thicker and quite a bit heavier in weight. I gave her a dozen or so blows with it, walking from one side of the table to the other between strokes so that she had plenty of time to work with the sensation. I reached for the butt plug again, manipulating it with my right hand and pressing against her pubic mound with my left, bringing her to one final giant orgasm. Then I told her she could choose a number between two and ten to receive with the heavy cane, and then wed be done. She chose four. I gave them to her as hard as she could take, and felt the endorphins rush in her and me as she stretched to meet my challenge. And then the scene was over.\n\nWe both got caught up in a tremendous fit of the giggles, composed of equal parts, I think, of endorphins, relief and triumph (wed done it!). I got up on the table with her and held her and we smooched and giggled for a while. When she felt ready to get up, I helped her off the table and swept the toys any old which way into the bag (I could always reorganize them later) and went back out into the social area looking for food and drink. We spent the next hour or so cuddling, nibbling, chatting and watching other scenes together.\n\nThe next morning, before I had a chance to call her to see how she was doing, I found an e-mail waiting for me raving about what a wonderful time shed had and how colorful her backside was looking. It felt great to receive it.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"Rights and Responsibilities of a Top in BDSM Play\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a detailed account of the rights and responsibilities of a top in BDSM play. The account should include the following:\n\n1. Introduction: Begin with a quote about power and responsibility, emphasizing the importance of precision, fairness, and humility in wielding power.\n\n2. General Responsibilities: Discuss the general responsibilities a top takes on when deciding to engage in BDSM play, focusing on the potential impact on both the top's and the bottom's physical and emotional well-being.\n\n3. The Top's Bill of Rights: Present a \"Bill of Rights\" for dominants, sadists, and all those who engage in BDSM play, outlining the rights they have in order to create satisfying scenes and ensure mutual support and consent.\n\n4. Specific Rights: Detail specific rights that tops have, such as the right to clear communication, support from their partner, nurturance, having their needs met, responsiveness from their partner, and constructive feedback.\n\n5. Real-life Example: Include a real-life example of a scene where the top felt emotionally vulnerable and needed nurturing, illustrating the importance of adequate support and care.\n\n6. The Top's List of Responsibilities: Outline the responsibilities that a top takes on when engaging in BDSM play, including knowing and stating their needs, wants, and limits, following through on promises, ensuring physical safety for themselves and their partner, being prepared for emergencies, caring for equipment, and ensuring emotional safety for themselves and their partner.\n\n7. Conclusion: Summarize the importance of understanding and upholding both the rights and responsibilities of a top in BDSM play, emphasizing the role of communication, consent, and care in creating safe and enjoyable scenes.", "response": "\n\n4\n\nRIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES\n\n> \"It is always wrong to wield power if you are not prepared to accept the consequences for your actions and do the work it takes to use your strength and authority with precision and fairness. A good leader is many peoples servant. If being trained to become a perfect servant sounds too humiliating, you are not strong enough to withstand the temptations of wielding power.\"1\n\nLighting up dark places \u2013 your own and your bottoms \u2013 is a tremendous responsibility and a tremendous turn-on. While you may top playfully, you should never do so frivolously; your partners physical and emotional well-being, and your own, are on the line. This chapter is about the kinds of responsibility you are agreeing to take on when you decide to top, and about the kinds of rewards you have a right to expect in return.\n\nTHE TOPS BILL OF RIGHTS\n\nWe the players of the BDSM communities, in order to form more perfect scenes, establish arousal, ensure domestic titillation, provide for mutual support, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of sadomasochism to ourselves and our play partners, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights for dominants, sadists and all those who put their self-image and reputation on the line to get themselves and their partners off.\n\nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CLEAR COMMUNICATION. Before, during and after your play, you are entitled to receive as much information about your partners needs, wants and limits as he is capable of giving you. He doesnt get to withhold information for fear of scaring you off, to exaggerate his abilities, or to pretend not to have limits (we all have limits). On the other hand, he cant share information he doesnt have; novices may not know much about their limits, but can still probably tell you quite a bit about their fantasies. Asking you to top without as much information as you can get is like asking a contractor to build a house without seeing the blueprint.\n\nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT SUPPORT FROM YOUR PARTNER \u2013 WHETHER YOURE IN SCENE SPACE OR OUT OF IT. As we sit here writing this chapter, were looking in our crystal ball, and it tells us that youre going to make mistakes. We wish the lottery were this easy to predict.\n\nWhen those inevitable mistakes happen, you have the right to expect that your partner will work with you to help correct the situation promptly and efficiently, so that the two of you can go on playing \u2013 or, if things have gone too far awry to finish that particular scene, to go on being friends and to play again another time. Unless your screwup is malicious or unforgivably careless, you have the right to mutual non-blaming \u2013 to the assumption that you were doing your best and simply made an error.\n\nAnd you have a right to your partners friendship and support at those times when you dont feel like being a top: sometimes we all need simply to be held, sympathized with, taken out to lunch, or maybe even to get some pain or bondage for ourselves \u2013 and a bottom who withdraws from you the minute you take off your fetish gear or put down your whip isnt supporting those very human and essential needs.\n\nYOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE NURTURED. Peoples needs for nurturance vary widely, but most of us need to feel taken care of at least sometimes \u2013 even, perhaps especially, tops. We remember a scene we did together:\n\n> In this scene, Dossie was a prom queen, all in taffeta and rhinestones, and Janet was the street hood who kidnaps her from the prom at knifepoint to torture and rape her. It was a very hot scene, played at a party in front of dozens of eager spectators. Janet found herself becoming a very scary \"hoodlum,\" conscienceless and full of anger, and the scene became charged with frightening, sinister \u2013 and very hot \u2013 energy. After duly binding, stripping, beating, torturing and fucking Dossie, Janet held her and brought her nicely back down to earth. Then we went upstairs for something to eat. In the food room, Janet, who was by this point trembling and a bit weepy, sat at Dossies feet and said plaintively, \"Could you just pet me for a while, please?\" Dossie stroked Janets hair and rubbed her neck and shoulders until Janet felt quite sure that Dossie wasnt still seeing her as the nasty hoodlum, and still accepted and liked her after experiencing such a dark and shadowy self.\n\nThe moral is that accessing your shadow, as a top or as a bottom, can put you into a state of tremendous emotional vulnerability, and you may need lots of nurturing and acceptance while you are in that state. If youre not getting the kind of nurturing you want, you should ask for it \u2013 needing to be taken care of does not make you less of a top, it makes you more of a human being.\n\nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET YOUR NEEDS MET. A footrub? A sinkful of clean dishes? An earful of shrieks? An orgasm? Whatever it is that you need to feel like topping has been worthwhile for you, youre entitled to get that (the reverse, of course, is also true \u2013 your bottom has the right to expect to get his or her needs met as well).\n\nBut you cant expect your bottom to read your mind. If you like to hear begging, for example, say so \u2013 your bottom may have previously played with a top who insisted on stoical silence, and only be doing what she thinks is right. Some tops may have come of age in a milieu where genital sex is an expected part of S/M, and be dismayed and annoyed by a bottom who doesnt automatically work to get his or her top off \u2013 others could be outraged by a bottom who tries to get inside their leathers without express direction. You have to ask if you expect to get.\n\nIt sounds obvious to say that a top should tell his or her bottom how to meet his or her needs \u2013 after all, isnt that what a top does? But weve found it isnt necessarily that simple: asking for what you really want, particularly if it isnt part of a standard S/M scenario, can feel vulnerable and embarrassing. All we can tell you about that is that the payoff is, or should be, worth the vulnerability: that a scene where you and your bottom both get your needs met is almost certain to be more satisfying for both of you, and to lead to more and hotter scenes later.\n\nYOU HAVE A RIGHT TO RESPONSIVENESS. Very few tops enjoy pouring their energy and toppiness into a bottom whos so stoical that they cant tell whether or not hes enjoying it. When we top, we enjoy a bottom who gives us lots of hot sexy screaming, moaning, trembling and/or writhing, preferably with a wet pussy or hard dick for reinforcement. Other tops like watching a bottom struggle to maintain composure under stress (although a bottom who maintained composure too perfectly probably wouldnt be very much fun to play with). Again, ask for what you want.\n\nYou also have a right to verbal response during the scene if you want it. When we ask \"How are you doing?\" or \"Is this working for you?,\" we all like to hear answers in the affirmative. However, always getting an affirmative answer, or getting an affirmative answer in the face of evidence to the contrary (wrap marks on a belly, for example), leaves us clueless, foundering and frustrated. If having a bottom chirp \"Pardon me, sir or maam, but could you hit a little lower, please?\" seems disrespectful to you, tell him or her to ask permission to speak first \u2013 and, upon receiving it, to give you the information you need. (We like to thank our bottoms when they give us important information.)\n\nYOU HAVE A RIGHT TO CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK. At some point within a day or two after your scene, you and your bottom will probably want to do some talking about how it went \u2013 what worked and didnt work for you and for her, what you might like to do differently next time, and an overview of how the scene was for both of you. During this \"debriefing\" \u2013 which we think is essential to both your relationship with your partner and your growth as a top \u2013 you have a right to helpful, constructive criticism. Your bottom should tell you about anything that didnt go well in such a way that you know how you can do it more successfully next time, and she should also tell you about the stuff that did go well, giving you lots of nice ego strokes along the way. Similarly, any feedback you have for your bottom also needs to be supportive and constructive. A bottom who blames you for your mistakes, tears down your performance without offering constructive suggestions, or shuts down and simply wont tell you what his or her experience was like, is not a bottom we suggest you play with twice.\n\nTHE TOPS LIST OF RESPONSIBILITIES\n\nLike all rights, tops rights carry a burden of responsibility. Here are some of the responsibilities we think you take on when you agree to top:\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOWING AND STATING YOUR NEEDS, WANTS AND LIMITS. When youre pretending to be Attila the Hun, Scourge of the Dungeon, it can be easy to forget that tops have limits too. But doing scenes that make you feel incompetent or disgusted or like a bad person is a really good way to lose track of the fact that were supposed to be having fun here, and to burn yourself out.\n\nEverybody has needs, wants and limits. If youre new at this, you may discover some of yours by tripping over them \u2013 by doing a scene and discovering that you feel just awful, either because of something you did that you shouldnt have, or because of something you didnt do that you should have. But even if youre an old hand, your limits may change over time: Janet spent years with a strong limit around breaking skin during play, but then discovered play piercing and started sticking needles into her friends every chance she gets.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR FOLLOWING THROUGH ON YOUR PROMISES. When your play date is coming up, you may hear a chorus of \"yahbut\" voices in your head \u2013 \"Yah, but Im not feeling toppy.\" \"Yah, but I didnt get a good nights sleep last night.\" \"Yah, but Ive got a lot to do afterwards and I dont want to tire myself out.\" \"Yah, but what if I fuck up?\" While we understand that pre-scene nervousness (which is often the part of you thats literally \"scared of your own shadow\" \u2013 see Chapter 15) can be daunting, bottoms are driven insane by tops who promise playdates and dont follow through; this sort of approach/avoidance behavior is unfair and irresponsible.\n\nIf youre feeling like you want to cancel or no-show on a playdate, please dont, unless your reasons are excellent. Go, and use some of the suggestions youll read in Chapter 9 to help yourself get turned on and into top space. We dont think youll regret it.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARTNERS PHYSICAL SAFETY. Your bottom may or may not be able to tell you if something youre doing is causing physical harm. She may be so high on endorphins that he simply cant tell whats happening, or may have gotten non-verbal and forgotten how to communicate. If youre not sure whether or not your bottom is able to communicate, youll have to take the responsibility for initiating the communication. Questions like \"How are your hands feeling\" or \"Some of these strokes seem to be causing some bruises; is that OK\" or \"Are you getting dizzy\" are perfectly all right, and if your bottom doesnt want to answer them, you should probably order her to.\n\nJanet did a scene once where her top did a good job of taking care of her physical safety:\n\n> We were at a costume party where I was wearing a dress made out of imitation chain mail with nothing underneath \u2013 so Id been sitting on a rough surface all night. I got naked, and my friend started spanking me with his hand, then with a hairbrush. I was having a swell time and could happily have gone on all night\u2026 but suddenly he stopped, said, \"I think youre losing some hide here,\" and ended the scene (against my vociferous protests). But sure enough, when I got home that evening, one cheek of my ass bore a large raw blister that took several weeks of cleaning and bandaging to heal properly. If my friend had kept on going as I demanded, the combination of the rough chain mail and the heavy spanking might have done serious damage to my skin \u2013 and Id never have known it until it was too late.\n\nSobriety is also important. While different players standards vary \u2013 some folks feel OK about very light use of intoxicants in scene, while others do not \u2013 it is certain that if you are too stoned or drunk to drive a car or go to work, you should not be playing. We urge extreme conservatism in the use of intoxicants during any kind of sex, and most especially during BDSM: there is probably nothing you do that demands better judgment and emotional balance, and using chemicals to impair those qualities strikes us as a very bad idea. Besides, why on earth would you want to blur such a wonderful experience?\n\nSafer sex is a subset of physical safety. Part of safeguarding your bottoms, and your own, physical well-being is making sure that neither of you takes anything away from the session that you dont want \u2013 an unplanned pregnancy or a nuisance infection or a deadly disease. Opinions change monthly as to how risky various sexual and S/M activities are in terms of disease transmission; we urge conservatism \u2013 when in doubt, use a latex or polyurethane barrier. Dont assume that your partners definition of safer sex is the same as yours: discuss beforehand which activities each of you thinks are risk-free enough to do without a barrier, which are risky enough to require a barrier, and which are too risky to do at all. If one of you has more conservative standards than the other, that person sets the standards, regardless of whos topping and whos bottoming \u2013 it is entirely unacceptable to subject someone to a physical risk to which they havent consented. The important thing is not the latest statistics or scientific study; the important thing is that you both feel safe.\n\nTake care of your own safety, too: dont play with strangers in private, and the first few times you play with a new partner, tell a trusted friend where you are and who youre with (and make sure your play partner knows that youve taken that precaution).\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS. Not everything that can go wrong in an S/M scene has anything to do with S/M. As part of taking care of your bottoms (and your own) physical safety, you should have the equipment, training and ability to handle real-world emergencies ranging from quakes and fires through heart attacks and seizures.\n\nIf you dont know what youd do if the lights went out, if your bottom suddenly became seriously ill, or if you inadvertently started a fire in the playroom, you shouldnt do the scene until youve figured these things out.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR CARING FOR YOUR EQUIPMENT. If you own your own whips, sex toys, bondage equipment and so on, you are responsible for seeing that these items are carefully selected, well maintained and properly cleaned. Aside from the aesthetics of the situation (dirty or uncared-for toys are a sign of a sloppy top), poor quality or poorly maintained toys are downright dangerous. We know one top who broke a finger trying to grab a whirling handle on a poorly designed winch, and weve heard many stories of bottoms pulling inadequately attached eye-bolts out of the wall and sustaining nasty falls.\n\nWhile the jury is still out regarding whether or not HIV can be transmitted via uncleaned sex toys, it is certain that various other nasties, including hepatitis C, can be. When youre not sure if a toy has been exposed to body fluids, assume that its contaminated and clean it carefully. Chapter 10, and several of the books in the Resource Guide, give more detailed toy cleaning information.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARTNERS EMOTIONAL SAFETY. This may seem a little counterintuitive \u2013 after all, in the real world, we believe that people should be responsible for taking care of their own emotions and for asking for the kinds of emotional support they need. But we believe that the implied contracts of what we do are a little different, and that the usual boundaries get shifted a bit when we play together.\n\nIf Dossie showed up for our co-authoring appointment tomorrow, and Janet said to her, \"Dossie, I feel angry because of something you said last week,\" we would handle that in certain ways: Janet would accept responsibility for her own anger and would process it herself \u2013 with Dossies help if Dossie cared to give that help, or without it if Dossie didnt.\n\nBut when we agree to play together, there is an assumption that those adult boundaries are going to be altered \u2013 perhaps even to some degree dropped. This is what we meant in the Introduction when we said that \"BDSM is ritualized codependency.\" Unlike the real world, where we assume that adults are responsible for processing their own emotions and taking care of their own needs, an player \u2013 particularly a bottom \u2013 may become quite dependent. Part of our responsibility as tops is caring for our bottoms when they are in that childlike, dependent state. If you think about it, this dictum is actually similar to our responsibility to care for our bottoms physical well-being when they may be too endorphined out or too deeply in bottom space to do so.\n\nSo we believe that whether or not a bottom has asked to have their emotional safety taken care of, our responsibilities are to provide that support. As a default, we think that a top should take the lead in discussing what kinds of stimuli are likely to trigger emotional trauma for a bottom (Was she abused as a child? Is she a victim of violent crime? Is she grieving a lost friend or relationship?), and in ending or altering a scene that seems to be pushing emotional buttons in an unexpected way. If a top and bottom agree to venture into difficult emotional territory, we also think the top thereby takes responsibility to be available to the bottom during any emotional \"aftershocks\" that ensue. Tops have aftershocks too, so we think this agreement should be mutual.\n\nEven if youre doing a scene that isnt particularly emotional, we think tops should expect to provide plenty of support, praise and affection \u2013 before, during and particularly after the scene. (If your bottom doesnt like this kind of nurturance, she should tell you so.) Taking good care of your bottom helps both of you to process the scene and nourishes both of you, so you can go on to do more and better scenes together in the future.\n\n1\\. Pat Califia\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"Learning BDSM Techniques and Philosophies for Novice Tops\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite an informative and engaging guide for novice tops on how to learn and master various BDSM techniques and philosophies. The guide should cover the following aspects:\n\n1. Introduction: Emphasize the importance of proper learning and understanding of BDSM practices for novice tops, explaining that simply rearing up and snarling commands is not enough without a clear idea of what happens next.\n\n2. Learning Resources: Discuss various resources available to novice tops, such as joining local BDSM support groups, attending demonstrations by experienced players, asking questions, and finding mentors or experienced bottoms willing to show them the ropes.\n\n3. Overcoming Biases: Address the issue of separated populations within the BDSM scene and the benefits of learning from people who are different from oneself. Discuss the importance of not letting one's top attitude get in the way of learning from bottoms.\n\n4. Learning by Experience: Encourage novice tops to try out activities they would like to do to someone else by getting someone to do them first. Discuss the concept of learning topping by bottoming and paying attention to what works and what doesn't.\n\n5. Importance of Research: Explain that this book is not an instruction manual and list several good books to read in the bibliography that will provide information on performing various S/M activities safely and well. Caution against relying on pornography or inexperienced sources for learning.\n\n6. Online Resources: Mention the availability of online resources such as Internet conversations, computer bulletin boards, and forums where novice tops can pick up information and ask questions. Emphasize the importance of verifying information due to the lack of reliable sources.\n\n7. Do-it-Yourself Experiments: Suggest that novice tops try out new sensations on themselves to understand how they feel, such as using clothespins or experimenting with bondage ideas. Remind readers to be safe and responsible while doing so.\n\n8. Practice and Preparation: Encourage novice tops to practice new techniques, such as hitting a pillow with a whip or kneeling on a hard floor, to understand the effects and limitations of their actions.\n\n9. Starting Lightly: Emphasize the importance of starting any new endeavor lightly and gradually increasing the intensity, using examples such as whipping or control scenes.\n\n10. Taking Your Time: Explain the benefits of taking things slow, making scenes ritualistic, and savoring the entire process, rather than rushing through it.\n\n11. Comfort and Safety: Remind novice tops to ensure their own comfort during scenes, as well as the comfort and safety of the environment, including room temperature, lighting, and the placement of candles and toys.\n\n12. Continuous Learning: Encourage novice tops to view each scene as an opportunity for learning and improvement, rather than worrying about what didn't happen or feeling like a failure if the scene doesn't go as far as they wanted it to.\n\n13. Conclusion: Reiterate that while there is a lot to learn, most details will become second nature quickly, and once started, the novice top can look forward to a lifetime of learning new and wonderful ways to play.", "response": "\n\n5\n\nHOW DO YOU LEARN TO DO THIS STUFF?\n\nOkay, so youre interested. You have fantasies, youve thought about it, maybe you even have somebody who wants to play with you. So now what? Do you just rear up and snarl \"On your knees, bitch\" (or \"boy,\" as the case may be)? Well, please dont \u2013 until you have a clear idea about what happens next.\n\nHow do you learn to do all this complex, sexy, arcane, and potentially dangerous stuff? How to tie someone up, preferably without damaging their nerves\u2026 how to build a structure that keeps your D/S connection hot and healthy\u2026 how to give someone a flogging without breaking any bones\u2026 how to give commands in an obey-me-now tone of voice\u2026 how to use an enormous range of implements to inflict all kinds of different and unimaginable sensations, and be deft enough not to drop any of them on your own toes, and still feel like a top?\n\nFor the novice top, there is a lot to learn. Start by giving yourself permission to be ignorant: it is not a crime to not know something. And even though your fantasy top may be omniscient, you are going to have to get down and learn. The more you can learn, and the more you are willing to learn, the better a top you will be. We feel sure you can have fun while you are learning to do all these wonderful things \u2013 we sure do.\n\nIf you live in or near a city that has a BDSM support group, join it. Support groups regularly put on demonstrations by experienced players of various skills, like flogging or play piercings, where they talk about the safety information and show you what to do. At such groups, you can also meet and ask questions of experienced players, or perhaps join forces with another learner to share experience and support each other in your explorations. You may find a mentor. You may find an experienced bottom who wants to play with you and is willing to show you a few things.\n\nUnfortunately, as the BDSM scene grows, we are seeing more separated populations emerging. Support groups now are often targeted to very specific members: gay men, dykes, heterosexuals (with bisexuals and transgendered folks welcome to some degree in most if not all of them), with even smaller groups for crossdressers, fetishists and the like. While it may be nice to be able to join a support group exclusively composed of people like yourself, we mourn the loss of diversity. When we were coming out, we learned so much from people who were different from ourselves, and we miss the sense of a larger community and the stimulation and adventures we encountered.\n\nPlease dont let your top attitude get in the way of learning from your bottom. The bottom knows these sensations and emotions from the inside, and knows more than anyone what works and what doesnt. Also, tastes and limits vary from bottom to bottom, so even when you become experienced youre still going to need to find out what works and doesnt work for each bottom you play with.\n\nIf you have friends who are seasoned players, you can try out activities you would like to do to someone else by getting someone to do them to you. A friend of ours learned massage by getting a lot of massages and remembering what she liked: you can learn topping by bottoming, and paying attention to what works, and asking the top questions afterwards if you were too distracted (or happy) to pay attention to the technical details. Its not uncommon for dominants to learn their craft by serving under a more experienced dominant for a prearranged period of time, often six months to a year; this way they can start by learning what submission feels like, move onward to assisting the dominant during play with other submissives, and eventually \"graduate\" as experienced dominants, ready to take on submissives of their own.\n\nWhat, you say, me bottom? But Im a top! (Dossie once had that last sentence printed on a T-shirt as a present for a top of hers.) Some people hold that it is not possible to become a good top without bottoming, without direct personal experience of the sensations you like to inflict on others. We do know good tops who never bottom, but we find them to be the exception rather than the rule. Most good players, both top and bottom, have some history of switching, and many identify as switches.\n\nWeve told you already that this book is not an instruction manual, and we have listed several good books to read in the Bibliography that will tell you how to perform various S/M activities safely and well. Be careful when reading books, especially pornography \u2013 many books are written by people with little or no experience, for fantasy purposes only, and you cant learn how to do the real part from them.\n\nPeople all over the world join in conversations on the Internet or on computer bulletin boards, where you can pick up a lot of information and ask questions \u2013 but please remember to check things out because you have no way of knowing whether your source has real experience or is just dreaming. Here in San Francisco there are publicly advertised classes on BDSM techniques and philosophies from basic through very advanced; other cities have similar institutions. More sources of information are listed in the Resource Guide.\n\nDO IT YOURSELF. Another resource for learning about new sensations is yourself. Try things out on yourself and see how they feel. Put a clothespin on the web between your thumb and your forefinger to find out how intense the sensation is, or put it on your chest, or your nipple, or\u2026. If the sensation seems too intense, see if you can eroticize it by masturbating. Does this change how it feels? Are you still reading this book?\n\nOops! We got carried away. Here we were telling you about trying things out at home. What we meant to say is that we want you to practice hitting a pillow with your new whip till you can hit the same spot with all the tails together every time, experiment with bondage ideas to find out if a particular sash, belt or rope will cut off circulation or abrade the skin if you yank on it, kneel on a hard floor for a period of time to see what parts of your body feel strained or uncomfortable\u2026 in short, do your homework.\n\nStart any new endeavor by thinking about what you are doing. With a new whip, for instance, think about what parts of the body have enough padding to strike safely \u2013 the ass, thighs, shoulder muscles and other well-padded parts with no exposed underlying organs can be struck with most kinds of whips, whereas backs of knees, faces and necks can only be tapped lightly\u2026 get the idea? And each person has different sensitivities on different parts of their body. How will you find that out?\n\nA basic rule of starting out doing anything new: you cant go wrong by starting out very lightly and working on up. Dossie remembers:\n\n> When I was a real neophyte, at one of the first occasions where I saw experienced people play, I was watching two leathermen, dressed head to toe in black leather with nickel studs gleaming everywhere, aviator sunglasses \u2013 I was completely intimidated. They were the most menacing-looking human beings I had ever been in the same room with. The top had a riding crop, and the bottom bent over a table, and I expected mayhem. What actually happened was that the top took the crop and went tap tap tap as lightly as rain over that bottoms ass. He made the skin flush with the lightest touches, bringing the blood to the skin, very patiently. I watched the bottom slowly become engaged in the sensation, swaying slightly, breathing deeper, getting turned on, all while the crops touch was very sensual, very light. Very gradually, the top began to hit a little harder. As soon as the bottom began to jerk a little at the blows, he held steady and set up a rhythm for a while, not increasing the intensity, just staying right where it was beginning to hurt. I watched the bottom become entranced. Again and again, the top increased the intensity by just one notch, and the bottom became more and more responsive, both of them obviously in perfect communication with each other, almost as if they were dancing. Eventually, the top was striking with all the force he could muster, and the bottom was thrashing and yelling with wild abandon \u2013 they stayed there for a while too, savoring the experience as long as possible before it was time to come back down.\n\nIts tough to go wrong by starting light, and some of the best floggings and canings start out as sensual scenes. Some may stay sensual, enjoying the dominance and control and the sensation without a need for intense pain. But however far you are going to go, starting any sensation at the lightest possible level allows the bottom to work his or her way into it as it allows you to get accustomed to the implement, work into a rhythm and get your aim adjusted so that if and when the scene escalates to a more intense level you will have, essentially, practiced.\n\nSame goes for scenes that are more about control than sensation. A scene can go badly awry if the dominant starts right off the bat giving orders that she knows are going to be emotionally very challenging to the submissive. We recommend starting with the easy stuff. Of course, what feels easy is going to vary from one submissive to the next \u2013 you need to find out about such things during negotiation \u2013 but many dominants start scenes by having the submissive remove her clothes or assume a certain position like kneeling. As the submissive begins to relax and become a little entranced, you can add more challenging forms of control.\n\nHelpful hint number two: take your time. A fantasy top may dash in and tie up his or her victim in three seconds, but thats fantasy. What is actually very sexy is to put someone in restraints very slowly, in a ritual pace, so you can savor the entire process, and have enough time to get the knots right without fumbling. Take your time approaching your bottoms body \u2013 just because he is all tied up doesnt mean you should leap on his or her genitals with little glad cries and no foreplay. Spend some time touching skin; it will bring you into synch with your bottom and take him further down into bottom space. And when you do get to the erogenous zones, take a lot of time. Enjoy yourself. After all, your bottom cant stop you, right?\n\nAnother hint: get comfortable. If you are going to spend a nice long time doing something exquisite to another persons body, you dont want to have to stop because your back hurts, so be aware of the position you are in when you start up and make sure its going to be comfortable for a while. Some tops wear weight-lifting belts to protect their backs when they play, others recommend shoulder-stretching exercises before doing a flogging.\n\nAnd dont forget to make the room comfortable. You might be wearing more clothes than your bottom, and you might also be moving around more, so remember that naked people who cant move get cold, and turn the heat up. Floggers create a wind chill factor, so turn the heat up even further \u2013 you dont want your bottom distracted by the wrong kinds of discomfort. Check to make sure lights are not in your or your bottoms eyes (unless youre doing an interrogation scene), and make sure candles are safely placed where you arent going to knock them over. Have towels, rubber gloves, condoms, lube and whatever toys you may be using laid out where you can reach them without losing contact.\n\nA final suggestion: when it starts getting good, when you start getting response, when your bottom starts breathing hard or maybe writhing a little, that means that you are doing something very right and you should keep on doing it. Many people make the mistake of speeding up at this point, or hitting harder, or otherwise upping the intensity, which can immediately take the bottom beyond the place where she was having such a good time. Youll develop a feel for when its time to turn the volume up another notch \u2013 and stay with that another while \u2013 and this is how you can get to spend a very long time having lots of fun while you work your way to Nirvana.\n\nAnd if you only get partway to heaven this time, please remember that there is always the future. You can choose to worry about what didnt happen in a scene, and if you wish, you can feel like a failure if the scene you play today doesnt get as far as you wanted it to. But those two leathermen we described earlier had almost certainly played before and not gotten anywhere near that far. So value the pleasure you had today, and have confidence that you have also gained knowledge and expertise that will take you further down the road the next time you play.\n\nAs you can see, there is a lot to learn, but be reassured that most of the details will become second nature to you very quickly. The examples listed here are not a complete list, but a few ideas to get you started. And once you get started, we hope you will have a very good time learning new and wonderful ways to play for the rest of your life.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"An Anonymous Rubber Fetish Encounter at a Party\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a descriptive and sensual account of an anonymous encounter between two men at a rubber fetish party. Focus on the non-verbal communication, the sexual tension, and the exploration of each other's bodies. Include the following elements:\n\n1. Introduction: Set the scene at a rubber fetish party where the main character feels a bit out of place in their standard-issue leather vest and Levi's. Describe the initial encounter with a stranger who gives them the \"come hither\" look.\n\n2. Building Tension: Detail the non-verbal communication between the two men, including nibbling on the neck and dry-kissing. Emphasize the main character's intuition and their ability to correctly guess what the stranger likes.\n\n3. Exploring the Rubber Suit: Describe the main character's fascination with the stranger's one-piece latex suit, focusing on the sensation of touching and slapping it. Mention the zipper down the front and the exposed hairs.\n\n4. Mutual Pleasure: Write about the main character's actions, such as kneading and pinching the stranger's flesh, slapping his inner thighs, and pulling a condom out to demonstrate their arousal. Include the stranger's reactions and participation in the scene.\n\n5. Comic Relief: Add a moment of comic relief, such as trying to put a condom around the main character's nuts and failing.\n\n6. Intensifying the Scene: Build up the intensity of the encounter by describing the main character's actions, such as squeezing the stranger all over and slapping his dick with the backs of their fingers. Include the stranger's reactions and the first time either of them speaks.\n\n7. Mutual Masturbation: Write about both men showcasing their arousal by masturbating in front of each other. Include details about the stranger's large dick and the main character's dominant attitude.\n\n8. Oral Sex: Describe the main character giving oral sex to the stranger, focusing on the unique aspects of the encounter, such as biting the head of the dick through the condom and tickling the stranger's balls.\n\n9. Climax: Detail the build-up to and the release of the stranger's orgasm, including the main character's dirty talk and the stranger's reactions.\n\n10. Mutual Satisfaction: Write about the main character's own orgasm, despite not normally being able to get off by being jacked off through a condom. Describe the aftermath of the encounter, with both men being happy and no longer horny.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 2\n\nA scene at a party, played by our friend Bill and a stranger.\n\nWe dont say a word. Weve never met before. Were just two horny guys at a sex party. He wanders into an empty room, giving me that \"Come hither\" look recognized by queer men everywhere. In the room, he is seated on the couch, legs spread, touching himself through the one-piece latex suit covering his trunk. It has short sleeves and legs.\n\nThis is a rubber fetish party, my first. I feel a bit inadequate in my standard-issue leather vest and Levis. I lower my face to his. My intuition is working tonight. I correctly guess that he likes being nibbled on the neck \u2013 prefers it to sloppy, wet kisses. He writhes beneath me. I press one hand firmly into his pectorals, pinning him as I nip into him more intensely, lips covering teeth. His breathing deepens. My fingers massage the hot latex suit. Theres a zipper down the front. I pull it down to the spot between his broad pecs, exposing a splay of scattered brown hairs. He looks up at me \u2013 large brown eyes. I kiss him dryly on the mouth. We begin dry-kissing. Our breath is hot.\n\nI reach inside the zipper, kneading and pinching his exposed pectoral flesh. It feels like Im invading him, molesting him. This makes my dick jump. I notice through his jumpsuit that Im having the same effect on his. I slide my knee up to his balls and press as I pinch his nipples through the latex. I start slapping his inner thighs. Theyre also warm from the latex, and it feels so good.\n\nI remove my vest and pull the front of my black T-shirt over my neck, exposing my chest. I place his hands over my largish nipples, and we begin tugging each others nipples, his still covered in latex. I begin slapping them with my hands. It feels so satisfying to slap this boy through his hot, tight rubber skin. I take my dick out, fully hard now, and slap it against his thighs, which makes it even harder \u2013 it almost hurts.\n\nI pull a small bottle of lube out of a pocket and squeeze some onto my dick. I jack it off in front of him, slapping it against my outstretched palm. I open up a rubber and squeeze some lube into it, wiping off my sticky hand and rolling the affair down my swollen shaft. I put it up to his lips, and he hungrily gobbles it down. My knee slides to his groin again, and I stroke his fine brown hair. Usually I dont much like condoms for sucking dick, but in this scene, its become one more piece of latex to fetishize. I pull out another one and try to place it around my nuts. This provides us with some comic relief as I, then he, try to trap the stubborn balls unsuccessfully. Finally I shrug and we laugh a bit.\n\nHe looks so fucking hot in that fucking suit that I start squeezing him all over as if hes the last guy Ill ever get to touch and Im trying to carve the experience into the deepest corner of my brain. I want to rip him out of his kinky rubber armor, and yet I want to keep him trapped inside it forever, all tantalizingly displayed and hot to the touch.\n\nI squeeze his well-developed biceps and broad, fleshy shoulders; run my fingers through his beautiful hair; squeeze his pointy nipples and his love-handles, and finally his hot, hard dick. I begin slapping it with the backs of my fingers, gently at first, worried that Ill slap too hard and take him out of the scene. But he obviously likes it, so I slap harder and harder, squeezing his ample balls. I hold his balls and gaze intently into his eyes. His nostrils flare.\n\nOut of nowhere come the backs of my fingers, slapping him lightly across one cheek. The eyes widen. I kiss him dryly on the mouth. Then again. Slap. Kiss. Slap. Kiss. I feel surges of blood through his clenched balls. \"Take it out,\" I hiss. Its the first time either of us has spoken in ten minutes of anonymous sex. He scrambles to comply, sitting up and beginning to unzip. \"Slowly,\" I say. \"Turn me on.\"\n\nI grab my rubberized dick and jack off, pinching my nipples, both of us now showing off for each other. He slides his fingers down his stomach slowly, pulling the zipper to its end. He gingerly pries his moist cockflesh loose from the clutching rubber sheath, then the balls. He raises his eyebrows, gesturing toward my lube. I hold up the bottle and squeeze some onto his fingers. He works it onto his expanding dick. I draw closer and slip my hands under the open suit and really work his nipples now. His dick gets enormous\n\n\u2013 this kid has a dick that I cant get both my hands to cover.\n\nI hand him a condom. He takes it out and I squirt a bit of the lube into it. He rolls it down his sticky dick, where it barely reaches bottom. Then I kneel between his knees and take it in my mouth, biting the head between my teeth and tickling his balls. Hes working my nipples just the way I like, and soon the whole hot tube is throbbing down my throat and Im biting him on just the other side of the condom, near his nuts. I can tell hes amazed, like not too many guys can do this to him. And Im certainly not one of those tops who thinks that cocksucking is the station of the bottom. Quite the contrary \u2013 I use my dominant, forceful attitude to get boys like this one all hot and bothered, and then show them what a champion dick-chomper I am once their dicks are really stiff.\n\nSo I milk this groaning boy for maybe three minutes with my well-trained throat muscles, and then I begin jacking him off with both hands. He wants some lube, so I give him the bottle again, and he starts jacking off my condom-clad cock with his sticky hand. I grab his dick near its base and start slapping it into my palm. I feel a new tension building in his thighs, and as I slap and jerk his dick, I mutter, \"Yeah, fucker. That dicks gonna shoot. Gonna fill up this rubber with hot cream. Gonna dump your fat load into this tube. Gonna slap it around till you fuckin come, rubberboy. Gonna tickle your fat balls till you squirt \u2013\" And then hes doing it, twisting and gasping, that big boner of his making that little nipple on the condom tip very full indeed. I tickle him under the ridge until he cant take any more. I stand, stretching my cramped legs, figuring that will be all, but he reaches out and grasps my still-hard dick, jacking me off.\n\nNow normally, I could never get off by being jacked, much less through a condom, but Im so turned on that in two minutes Im bellowing and spurting my load into that rubber, amazed, my entire body trembling. We catch our breath, staring at each other and grinning like idiots.\n\nSoon we will get up from this couch, shed our jizz-filled condoms, wash up and quickly become separated by increasing numbers of people, miles, hours, days \u2013 but right now were just two blissed-out guys, happy to be in this room together, no longer horny.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"Soaring Higher: Enhancing BDSM Scenes through Intuition and Attentiveness\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite an informative and engaging chapter for a BDSM guidebook, focusing on the importance of intuition and attentiveness in creating intense, intimate, and transcendent scenes. Discuss the role of technique and how it becomes second nature with experience, allowing tops to focus on the emotional and visceral aspects of BDSM. Include the following elements:\n\n1. Introduction: Begin with a quote from Edward Gorey about the inability to fully explain a performance and the significance of what remains unsaid. Explain that while it's impossible to guarantee life-altering, soul-merging scenes, there are factors and concepts that can help lead to such experiences.\n\n2. Getting Technique Out of the Way: Draw an analogy between learning to drive and learning BDSM techniques. Explain how, with experience, the details of technique become automatic, freeing up mental space for the less intellectual, more visceral joys of BDSM.\n\n3. Staying Open: Emphasize the importance of emotional openness for both the top and the bottom during a scene. Contradict the idea that tops should remain cool, withdrawn, and withholding, and argue that these intense experiences are fundamentally collaborative.\n\n4. Paying Attention: Discuss the various cues that bottoms send during a scene, such as muscle tension, breathing patterns, and posture. Explain how these cues can help the top gauge the bottom's state of mind and adjust the scene accordingly.\n\n5. Intuition and Where to Find It: Define intuition and explain its role in enhancing BDSM scenes. Discuss the concept of \"expert mind\" and how it can hinder intuition, and recommend cultivating \"beginner's mind\" to access intuitive wisdom.\n\n6. Real-Life Example: Share a personal story of a successful, intuitive BDSM scene between the authors, highlighting how the top was able to follow the bottom's unspoken desires without prior knowledge of them.\n\n7. Conclusion: Encourage readers to experiment with the concepts and techniques discussed in the chapter, emphasizing that practice will make the process smoother and more effective. Acknowledge that some readers may find these ideas too \"New Age,\" but argue that the best tops universally use these concepts, whether consciously or not.\n\n8. Note: Include a reference to a relevant book on intuition, such as \"Intuition Workout: A Practical Guide to Discovering and Developing Your Inner Knowing\" by Nancy Rosanoff.", "response": "\n\n6\n\nSOARING HIGHER\n\n\"All the things you can talk about in anyones work are the things that are least important\u2026. You can describe all the externals of a performance \u2013everything, in fact, but what really constitutes its core. Explaining something makes it go away, so to speak; whats important is whats left over after youve explained everything else.\" \u2013 Edward Gorey\n\nIf youve been topping long enough \u2013 and if youre very fortunate \u2013 youll sooner or later have a scene in which you and your bottom seem in perfect synch, sharing an experience that feels like your hearts are wide open and blending their heat to create a white-hot conflagration of intensity, intimacy and transcendence.\n\nAnd if youre like us, the first thing youre going to think after the scene is over and you and your bottom are collapsed together in a panting sweating sated heap is \"Oh my god, that was phenomenal, how can I get more of that?!?\"\n\nWell, we cant promise to teach you the magic trick that will turn all your scenes into life-altering, soul-merging epiphanies. But both of us \u2013 lucky us! \u2013 have had enough such scenes, both as tops and as bottoms, that we feel able to share with you some of the factors and concepts that can help lead you in this direction.\n\nGETTING TECHNIQUE OUT OF THE WAY. When you first learned to drive, you had to think about every move before you made it. You had to remember consciously to check your mirrors, work the clutch and the stick, set the handbrake and do a million other little tasks \u2013 it made your head spin. But now that youre an experienced driver, you do all those things without consciously thinking about them \u2013 its not that youre driving less well, its that the \"driving\" part of your mind has gotten so much into its groove that its moved into a part of your brain where it doesnt need constant attention.\n\nTechnique in BDSM \u2013 how to swing a flogger, where to place the knots, how to phrase a command to sound firm instead of whiny or harsh \u2013 is a bit like that. When you first start topping, youll often feel like there are a million things to remember at once (and youll be right: there are). The need to concentrate on all the myriad things youve learned about technique and safety, plus the limits and desires youve negotiated with this particular bottom, will fill your head so completely that there wont be room for too much else.\n\nBut as you grow more experienced, the details of technique become like the details of driving: you still know how to do them, and youre doing them well, but theyre not occupying much of your conscious mind. Its at this point that you may find yourself able to open up to the less intellectual, more visceral joys of BDSM\u2026 and you may find yourself having experiences of \"just knowing\" what to do next, or being able to anticipate your bottoms desire or fantasy without being told, or automatically falling into the exact rhythm and force needed to send you and your bottom both to heaven.\n\nSo lets say youre experienced enough that you dont have to spend a lot of your conscious effort fussing with technique. What are some of the ways that you can use to rocket yourself and your partner(s) to another planet?\n\nSTAYING OPEN. This is the biggest and most important tip we can give you. A lot of tops have the idea that their job is to remain cool, withdrawn and withholding, to share no emotion and to show no turn-on. If this is your topping style, go for it \u2013 many folks prefer this kind of scene, in which the top is the heartless administrator of control or sensation and the bottoms job is simply to receive.\n\nBut weve found that the experiences weve been describing here are fundamentally collaborative \u2013 which requires that the top and the bottom remain emotionally as open as possible. A contradiction in terms? No, not really.\n\nAs you top, pay attention to whats happening in your own body and heart. Do you feel savage and merciless? Giggly and playful? Wildly turned on? Deeply moved? Do you feel like grunting or laughing or crying or coming? None of these feelings or actions are \"inappropriate\" for a top; weve both felt them many times, separately and in combination. And when we share those feelings with our bottoms, when we let them know how happy or fierce or turned-on they make us feel, our bottoms can join with us, and our feelings can synergistically multiply to a crescendo of sensation and emotion.\n\nAnd when we stay open to whats going on inside us, we can also stay open to whats going on outside us \u2013 in the environment around us, within the boundaries of the scene, and in the hearts, minds and bodies of our bottoms.\n\nPAYING ATTENTION. Even the most stoical of bottoms sends a constant stream of cues \u2013 signals that let you know whether shes floating along happily or struggling to keep up, eagerly awaiting her next command or on the verge of rebellion, wanting more or white-knuckling it to tolerate what shes already receiving, wishing youd hit her here instead of there.\n\nHeres a list of the cues we like to look for to tell us what we need to know about our bottoms state of mind:\n\n\u2022 Muscle tension. Someone whos having a good time is generally relaxed and loose; someone whos struggling is probably tense and stiff. Watch your bottoms muscles, especially those in the places where people tend to store tension \u2013 neck, shoulders, belly. Is his face relaxed and serene, or squinched up in a grimace? Are his hands clenched into fists? If you see muscles that are tight, quivering or bulging, your bottom is probably struggling to keep up with you and may have to safeword if you push too much harder without a break.\n\nOne big caveat: Impending orgasm often looks a lot like intense pain, and if you dont know this particular bottom well, it can be hard to tell the difference. You could try just asking, but that might spoil the moment. Or you could try a bit of sexual touching \u2013 if thats part of your agreements \u2013 and see what kind of response you get.\n\n\u2022 Breathing. Relaxed people breathe deeply and slowly, from their diaphragms. If theyre making noise, the sounds tend to be deep moans or growls. Tense people breathe tightly and rapidly, high up in their chests, and their sounds are often high-pitched screams or whimpers. If youve ever hurt yourself, you know how you breathed during the pain \u2013 you probably were using a lot of short little high breaths. But this kind of breathing is not what you want for your bottom; a bottom whos breathing like that will hyperventilate (getting too little oxygen and throwing off too little carbon dioxide) and might panic.\n\nSo, how do you get your bottoms breathing slowed down so that she can relax? Some tops like to simply use the word \"breathe\" to remind their bottoms to take it easy, but we find that using words in the heat of play can distract a bottom from the wonderfulness of what youre doing to her. A trick we like is to establish contact with your bottom \u2013 eye contact and/or physical contact: Janet likes to place the palm of her hand firmly and gently on her bottoms chest or the center of her back. Then simply breathe in the rhythm you want your bottom to breathe, perhaps a little noisily or emphatically. Most bottoms will instinctively begin to breathe with you. Since breathing in synch, especially during eye contact, is often taught as a tantric exercise to achieve greater union, this strategy may also bring you closer to the heights youre trying to achieve.\n\nBottoms also reveal a lot with the sounds they make. Happy bottoms hum, babble, giggle, growl, purr, moan, and \"sing\" \u2013 a beautiful smooth multitoned melody that goes up and down as the sensation rises and falls. Bottoms who are nearing their limits scream, shriek or sometimes snarl or curse. An experienced bottom may be able to tell you ahead of time which sounds mean what.\n\n\u2022 Posture and movement. Watch your bottoms body. For example, if hes leaning or arching into the sensations youre giving, thats a reliable sign that hes with you and ready for more. If hes flinching or drawing away from the sensation, it might be time to back off a bit \u2013 and then later, when hes more relaxed, you can take the play up another notch if that feels right.\n\nBottoms who are beginning to become entranced may show it with rhythmic movements of their bodies. They may \"dance,\" shifting back and forth from one foot to another or even bouncing up and down. Their hips may undulate back and forth, or from side to side. Their heads may nod or shake. They may also throw off excess energy by shaking their hands as though they were shaking water off the ends of their fingers, grabbing the bondage and yanking or rattling it, or stamping their feet.\n\nIf your scene is about control rather than sensation, watch for posture. A submissive who is proudly and happily under your command will show it with a proud carriage and springy step. An entranced submissive may move slowly and dreamily, but purposefully. A reluctant or unhappy bottom is likelier to slump and trudge. While we cant tell you what to do about those situations, its always best to know your submissives state of mind so you can act accordingly.\n\nThese are just a few of the ways that you can observe whats going on with your bottom so that the two of you can fly higher and farther. But what of the perceptions you may sometimes experience that arent observable \u2013 that you somehow \"just know\"?\n\nINTUITION AND WHERE TO FIND IT\n\nThe best definition of \"intuition\" weve heard is \"the ability to know something without knowing how you know it.\"1 You may have experienced intuitions in your day-to-day life \u2013 a sense that someone you just met isnt what they seem, or that you shouldnt turn around that streetcorner, or that something wonderful is about to happen to you.\n\nMany people feel that intuition is simply your subconscious mind gathering clues that your conscious mind is too busy to grasp. Others think its a genuine paranormal phenomenon. We dont really know, or, for that matter, care \u2013 as long as it works for us, both outside our scenes and in them.\n\nWe cant teach you how to get intuition \u2013 you already have it, to at least some degree. What we can do is teach you how to find it within yourself and use it to read your bottoms physical and emotional states for bigger, hotter scenes.\n\nIntuition, of course, has its limits \u2013 even the professional psychics who find lost children for police departments are the first to tell you that theyre right less than half the time, and much less often when the intuition involves someone close to them. So while we love and encourage intuition, we want to emphasize that while youre in scene space, its very easy to get your intuitions mixed up with your own desires and fears. Serious mistakes can get made this way: its not a good idea to follow your intuition to grab that cattle prod and press the button with no previous negotiation.\n\nBut when it works, it can really work \u2013 as we discovered together recently:\n\nYou know how in your fantasy certain things happen in a certain order, almost like a ritual, very specific and detailed? Some of us embroider the same fantasy over long periods of time, creating a rich tapestry night after night, our personal and very private bedtime story.\n\nWe played a scene together recently that was a true mindblower. Now your authors have been playing with each other for ten years, and certainly each knows a lot about what the other one likes. But this time, with Janet topping Dossie, Janet managed to do Dossies fantasy (which Dossie had never told her), item by item, in order, down to the smallest detail.\n\nDossie says, \"It took me a while to realize what was going on \u2013 at first, it just plain felt good, and entrancing, and very right. Like somebody humming an old song youve loved for a really long time. We were well into the scene before I got it that something amazing was going on. I didnt say anything \u2013 not on purpose, more because I was so absorbed in the play that it would have been ridiculous to interrupt. And who would want to anyhow?\"\n\nJanet says, \"I was startled and a little bit freaked afterwards when Dossie told me what had been going on. I had no sense of the scene being anything special. In hindsight, I could see that some of the things Id done werent in my usual repertoire, but at the time they just felt like inspirations \u2013 like I was simply putting this toy in that orifice, and tying that body part in this position, the way I always do. It was wonderful, of course, but playing with Dossie just about always is\u2026 and it didnt seem any different than that.\"\n\nThe scene was fabulous and emotionally profound, but, curiously, not more fabulous than other scenes we have played. And, notes Dossie, the feeling was different: in the fantasy, the culminating moments are tremendously romantic. But weve never had a romantic relationship, rather a solid and loving friendship\u2026 and that didnt change. Maybe that was the biggest surprise, to play a scene that was perfectly psychic and still feel like the same two people afterward.\n\nSo what do you do when you feel a sense of what to do next but arent sure? One possibility is simply to ask, either in words (you may need to step out of scene space to do this if your scene has a strong D/S element) or by holding up a proposed implement for the bottom to see and agree to. Another, probably more useful, is to try just a little of whatever your intuition is telling you, then use the observational skills youve already learned to see how your bottom reacts.\n\nSo, now that weve given you all these warnings and cautions about intuition, how do you discover yours? To answer that question, wed like to refer to a concept that the Buddhists call \"expert mind.\" Expert mind is the part of you that stores facts, makes decisions, thinks about what happened in the past and projects what may happen in the future. Without expert mind, you couldnt function in the world at all and you certainly couldnt be a top \u2013 youre using your expert mind to read this book, for example.\n\nBut when youre seeking intuition, you have to move expert mind to the back of your consciousness, letting it guide your actions in the same way that it guides you when you drive a car. Expert mind is the enemy of intuition \u2013 it tells you things like \"youre wrong,\" \"you know better than this,\" \"nobody else does it that way\" and our personal favorite, \"real tops dont do it this way.\" What the Buddhists recommend for finding your intuitive wisdom is \"beginners mind,\" in which you approach everything as though you were doing it for the first time.\n\nSo: try to focus on the moment. Trust that expert mind will be there to guide you through the technique parts, and open yourself up to your perceptions of whats going on right now, right here. You may have to stop for a second and adjust your focus. Take in your own body, your bottoms body, the room, the sounds, the smells, the light \u2013 everything in and around you right now. If you know any guided relaxation techniques, use them (and if you dont, allow us to recommend a good yoga class). If you simply open yourself up (remember, we talked about this earlier) and perceive whats going on, you may start to receive messages. Beginners are always learning something new.\n\nFor some people \u2013 Janet is one \u2013 the messages come as lights and colors. \"I see a kind of glow from a certain part of my bottoms body, or from a particular toy,\" she notes. Others may feel a part of their own body twitching to move in a certain way, or may hear a hum, click or other sound coming from the place, action or toy that needs their attention. Some actually hear a voice, their own or someone elses, telling them what needs to happen next. Or maybe its just an urge to do something \u2013 to give a certain order, to place the bottom in a certain position, to say a certain sentence. When you get such a message, proceed slowly and gradually, as we told you earlier. If your bottoms response is enthusiastic \u2013 congratulations, go for it!\n\nIf you get nothing, dont worry about it; you can always try again later. Although the process of seeking intuition sounds clunky and awkward as we describe it here, with practice it gets faster, smoother and more effective.\n\nTo many readers, much of this chapter will sound too New Age for words (one of Janets regular partners, a highly intuitive body worker and martial artist, says indignantly, \"I dont do woo-woo shit\"). But in our experience, the best tops pretty much universally use these concepts and techniques, whether they do so consciously or not. We encourage you to at least give these ideas a try and see what can happen to your scenes \u2013 theyve certainly created some amazing play for us!\n\nNOTES\n\n1 Intuition Workout: A Practical Guide to Discovering and Developing Your Inner Knowing, by Nancy Rosanoff. Aslan Publications, 1991.\n"}
-{"input": "  Title: \"BDSM Ethics: Consent, Respect, and Confidentiality\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite an informative and engaging chapter for a BDSM guidebook, focusing on the ethical considerations and responsibilities of both tops and bottoms in the BDSM community. Discuss the following elements:\n\n1. Introduction: Emphasize the importance of ethics in BDSM, as players explore their psyches and venture into uncharted territories. Explain that players should enter scene space with the highest ethical standards to ensure safety, respect, and trust.\n\n2. Consent: Define consent as an active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all parties involved. Explain that consent is specific to each scene and can be withheld for any item on the scene agenda. Discuss the importance of honesty in consent for both tops and bottoms, and the potential consequences of dishonesty.\n\n3. Respecting Limits: Emphasize the need to respect and honor the limits of both tops and bottoms. Explain the potential consequences of disregarding limits, such as feeling belittled, cheated, or concealing one's own agenda. Encourage players to negotiate scenes in good faith.\n\n4. Confidentiality: Discuss the need for confidentiality in the BDSM community due to the potential risks of disclosure, such as losing jobs, housing, or custody of children. Explain that confidentiality may be violated in cases where there is significant danger of harm to any person, but gossip should not be used as a weapon against other players.\n\n5. Boundaries and Blaming: Define personal boundaries and explain their importance in understanding when it is appropriate to violate others during a scene. Discuss internal boundaries and their role in maintaining sanity and identity. Address the issue of blaming and its negative consequences, and recommend a nonjudgmental approach to conflict resolution.\n\n6. Hearing Feedback: Encourage tops to follow up with bottoms after a scene to check in and make sure everything is okay. Explain the importance of listening to feedback without getting defensive, and apologizing when necessary to maintain friendships and clear up misunderstandings.\n\n7. Respecting Persons: Emphasize that tops and bottoms are both complete human beings deserving of respect, and that their needs, wisdom, and opinions are equally important. Discuss the importance of valuing the gifts that tops and bottoms bring to each other in a scene.", "response": "\n\n7\n\nBDSM ETHICS\n\nWhen we play, we give ourselves and each other permission and encouragement to explore the further reaches of our psyches and to adventure bravely down the path of the forbidden. We open ourselves up to the unknown on the dark side. And when we are open, we are terribly vulnerable.\n\nSo, in order to be open, and to be safe and healthy while we play at violation and betrayal, we believe that all players should enter into scene space with the highest of ethics, and a firm commitment to respect and honor the courage and the vulnerability that we all, tops and bottoms, bring with us into a scene. We see a scene as a special and sacred space: it is critical that we respect the trust and integrity of each individual in it.\n\nCONSENT\n\nFull consent in S/M, or in any other manifestation of sexuality, requires an active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all persons involved. We come into our play with the intention of actively supporting each other in exploring sensation, danger and vulnerability.\n\nConsent to any scene is very specific: we consent, tops and bottoms both, to every detail, and we can choose not to consent to any item on a scene agenda.\n\nHonesty in consent is mandatory for both tops and bottoms. You can easily understand what can happen if an eager-to-please bottom consents to some violent assault that they really dont want, and you go ahead and they hate it. Your safety and competence as a top are violated, and you are faced with a freaked-out or angry bottom through no fault of your own. As a top, if you consent to play a scene that you really dont feel good about, and you dont share your reservations, and you dont somehow magically get into it after you begin, then you can wind up playing an awkward and \"cold\" scene, with little or no connection to your bottom, who can wind up feeling abandoned, abused and violated.\n\nConsent is only meaningful if it can be withdrawn without risking undue criticism, judgment or rejection. If a bottom or top tries something in a scene and it is genuinely unpleasant to them, they have an absolute right to interrupt a scene, renegotiate the agenda, and to have their concerns heard without blame. Respect for consent is mandatory.\n\nRESPECTING LIMITS\n\nRespect and honor your bottoms limits. Respect and honor your own limits. Respect means nobody gets put down or belittled, top or bottom, for whatever limits they may have. Looking for loopholes in a bottoms stated limits is cheating, as is concealing your own agenda with half-truths or omissions. \"Well, you didnt say I couldnt shave your head\" is not a substitute for consent. Ethical players negotiate scenes in good faith.\n\nCONFIDENTIALITY. In recent years, due to the energetic work of members of our community, kink has become less stigmatized, and some of us may not feel as great a need to keep our sex lives in the closet as others. This is wonderful progress, and we look forward to the day when none of us needs to walk through the world fearing oppression if our secrets were known. However, that time is not yet here, and many of us could be at tremendous risk if the wrong people \u2013 our landlords, employers, students, parents, children \u2013 were to find out about our interest in BDSM.\n\nSo we still need to keep information about others that we acquire at support groups and play parties confidential. Do not assume that just because you are totally uncloseted, everyone else should be. Do not assume that because a player is well-known in the community that the person has no closets \u2013 we know players who use assumed names because outing might jeopardize important parts of their lives like joint custody of their children. Do not assume that you know what another persons requirements for discretion are, or that another person lives his life as openly as you do \u2013 just protect everybodys privacy.\n\nAre there exceptions to confidentiality? Yes. We can look to the legal and ethical standards of medical and therapeutic confidentiality for guidelines: it is acceptable, and at times even required, to violate confidentiality when there is significant danger of harm to any person. If a person assaults you, you dont keep it a secret, you call the police. Gossip may sometimes have an unpleasant but necessary function within the community to warn others of players who in your experience are in some way dangerous. (It is not ethical, however, to badmouth a player simply because you dont like them or are angry with them.) We try to balance negative gossip with \"goodmouthing\": making a point of introducing people to each other with full regard for their prowess, and letting others in the community know when a player does something wonderful.\n\nBOUNDARIES AND BLAMING\n\nAny problem in ethics, including the complex dilemmas we may run into when we pretend to be unethical, can be clarified by looking at it from the point of view of boundaries. Personal boundaries are found wherever we understand that I end and you begin. Within the boundary of scene space, our personal boundaries will probably be very different than they are in the outside world\u2026 so when I know which boundaries are in effect right now, I know when its the right time to violate you.\n\nPeople also have internal boundaries that tell us what state of consciousness we are in. For those of us who play a number of roles \u2013 top, bottom, Doctor Mean, Dracula, little boy, baby girl \u2013 we open and change our internal boundaries to get in and out of role, often unconsciously. The more conscious we can be about this, the safer we will be, and the more adept at getting into (and back out of) the role we want to play right now.\n\nInternal boundaries tell us the difference between a thought, a wish, a fantasy and a dream. For the S/M player, the boundary between fantasy and reality is all-important: it is how we maintain our sanity, and how we maintain our identities as big bad mean ethical loving sadists.\n\nBlaming, a special case of bad boundaries, consists of refusing to own and take the responsibility for our own stuff, our feelings, dilemmas, and actions. Of course, occasions in which a problem is truly one persons fault do happen, and need to be respected\u2026 but we believe most problems that crop up between people actually belong to both or all of them. When we blame, we fail to shoulder our part of the burden; we project the responsibility for whatever is wrong onto another, usually to protect ourselves from feeling terribly guilty or anxious. When we blame, we also disempower ourselves \u2013 if its all your fault, then I must be impotent.\n\nSo we recommend that you approach conflict that arises from play (or any other relationship, for that matter) in a nonjudgmental mode. In our culture, you can observe many people attempting to resolve a problem by discovering whose fault it is (the comic author Fran Lebowitz says \"It isnt whether you win or lose, its where you lay the blame\"), as if most of our dilemmas were caused by somebody doing something wrong. In S/M, we can make tops wrong by accusing them of anger, attitude or abuse when a scene doesnt work out well. We can make bottoms wrong by accusing them of being needy, resistant or smart-ass.\n\nBlaming may alleviate our anxiety on a short-term basis, but in the long run resolves nothing. If, on the other hand, you can put your judgments aside and operate on your own feelings while you listen to your partners feelings, you may be able to come to an understanding that keeps you in sympathy with each other and empowers you to take care of the problem so you can continue playing and having a good time.\n\nHEARING FEEDBACK. Good post-scene etiquette is for the top to call the bottom within a few days of a scene to check in and make sure everythings okay, and bottoms will respect you and feel well cared for when you do. Mostly you will hear flattering feedback that can be a big help if youre feeling a bit uncertain, guilty or low. This is also an occasion to ask the bottom if there was anything in that scene that she would change, or do differently in the future. This is how you make space for your bottom to tell you about that little bruise in the wrong place, or something that was sharp or harsh or otherwise not optimal for them. Our experience is that bottoms often tell us what we could have done harder or longer or louder or stronger. Greed is a wonderful thing in a pig slut bottom.\n\nSometimes you will hear from a bottom who is unhappy or distressed about part of the scene, or some of the things you did. When this happens, it is important, and difficult, that you not get lost in your ego. That ego may be screaming \"But you writhed and squealed, I was sure you liked it, I felt like God Almighty, whaddaya mean you didnt like it!\" And you need to put your ego aside and listen.\n\nIf your bottom is a good communicator, with any luck she will offer negative feedback without a lot of blaming, in a supportive and nonjudgmental manner. But everybody is not well-versed in communication skills, and when something goes wrong in a scene bottoms are often genuinely frightened or even a little freaked \u2013 so you may wind up with complaints coming at you like arrows, from a person who is seriously upset with you.\n\nWe do play with scary imagery, and it sometimes happens that a bottom is so frightened by a scene that she feels unable to communicate directly with the top \u2013 so you may find out through a third party, or, worse yet, a public accusation. Most of us have a hard time not getting defensive when someone is angry with us, and we may be justified in that we can blame the bottom for blaming us, or for failing to talk to us directly, or for gossiping. And even when you are right, defensiveness and counterattack will still only make the problem worse.\n\nWe feel the best thing for you to do in this situation is to listen to the bottom who is upset with you, and hear her out thoroughly whether you agree or not. Be aware that this is happening because the bottom feels bad \u2013 hurt or scared or whatever. By being willing to listen to that persons feelings, you validate them \u2013 and that might solve the problem right there.\n\nIf you feel you did something wrong, the best thing to do is own it. Remember that apologizing wont make you less of a top. And if you dont feel you were wrong, you can still say youre sorry that someone feels bad, or that something you did left them feeling bad. Apologizing wont make you wrong either: you are sorry that they feel bad.\n\nMost often these conflicts arise from misunderstandings rather than malice. When you listen, and when you express your regrets about a play partners unpleasant experience, then that person may become willing to listen to you, and the two of you are in a good position to clear up misunderstandings, and stay friends.\n\nRESPECTING PERSONS\n\nTops and bottoms both have identities beyond the roles they play in scene. We understand that tops and bottoms are both complete human beings of equal stature and importance, deserving of respect. Their needs are equally important, their wisdom is to be regarded, their opinions worth hearing. When bottoms play at being degraded, do they truly become less than their tops? We think not.\n\nBDSM works best when bottoms honor and value the gift the tops bring to them, with respect for the hard work and personal vulnerability that is involved. And it works best when tops honor and value the gift the bottom brings: the bottom power that fuels the trust and belief which transform us into tops.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"Effective Communication and Consent for BDSM Tops\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a comprehensive guide for BDSM tops on communication skills and setting boundaries during scene negotiation. Discuss the following topics:\n\n1. The importance of sharing information with your bottom before a scene, including their limits, needs, and fantasies, as well as your own.\n\n2. Strategies to encourage bottoms to express their desires without feeling embarrassed or ordered around, such as writing letters, sharing fantasies outside of scene space, or using positive reinforcement during scene negotiation.\n\n3. The use of \"I-messages\" instead of \"you-messages\" to avoid blaming and promote open, honest communication.\n\n4. Addressing neediness in scene space, including setting boundaries, insisting on direct communication, or negotiating scenes that include neediness or dependency.\n\n5. Dealing with unresponsive bottoms, or \"black holes,\" by asking for the response you want, modeling turn-on, and instructing your bottom in the kind of body language you desire.\n\n6. Activities that require special consent, such as sex, marks, pain, humiliation, phobias, and high-risk play.\n\n7. Emphasizing the importance of tops knowing and respecting their own limits, including a suggested exercise called \"Yes, No, and Maybe\" to help clarify desires and boundaries.\n\n8. Making room for your own needs and desires during a scene, and negotiating this with your bottom.", "response": "\n\n8\n\nON YOUR MARK\u2026 GET SET\u2026\n\nCOMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR TOPS. To get ready to do a scene, you first need to share some information with your bottom, negotiating the specific details of what you are and are not going to do. Ideally, when youre done, you will know what your bottoms limits are and your bottom will know what your limits are. You will have also exchanged some information about what turns each of you on and some ideas about what you both might like to try \u2013 knowledge gleaned from fantasies or scenes you have played in the past. You should each have a clear idea of each others needs \u2013 those parts of play that are so essential to you that without them the scene would not be worth doing. Everybodys needs are valid, everybodys needs are important. Including yours.\n\nDuring a good negotiation, you will also share some wants \u2013 things that you and the bottom know that you like or would like to try. Think of the wants as the ingredients from which you will construct a fabulous dinner: how much easier it is to cook when you have lots of ingredients to choose from! Obviously, youll want to collect all the wants you can get from both of you. But thats not always easy to do.\n\nGETTING THE INFORMATION YOU NEED. When a bottom tells a top what she likes, it can feel like ordering the top around, which doesnt fit with many players fantasy roles. Furthermore, many bottoms are embarrassed by their fantasies, and plagued with the belief that whatever it is that they want, it must be too much to ask for. A professional dominatrix of our acquaintance once got so frustrated with a client who would say only \"I only want to please you, Mistress,\" that she told him facetiously, \"Then give me the money and leave; Ill go to a movie.\"\n\nSo how do you get that information without getting out the rubber hose (yet)? There are many ways to support a bottom in expressing his or her desires. Just knowing that you want this information gives your bottom permission to share it. Sometimes it is easier to deal with this information outside scene space, so many tops instruct their bottoms to write a letter expressing their desires and stating limits. In person, but not in scene space, sharing fantasies and ideas can be fun once you both get into it; you can always start by sharing some interest of your own and then inviting your bottom to contribute.\n\nIn scene space, you can order your bottom to communicate and make it part of the play. So your bottom is embarrassed? Goody. You can tie him up and wait until he speaks \u2013 and you can wait a long time, if thats what it takes. You can offer positive feedback: \"Thats hot, I like that, what a good idea, mmmmmm nasty!\"\n\nIf you and your bottom are in an ongoing D/S relationship, you may need to make special arrangements so that you both can feel free to discuss your desires and fantasies outside your usual roles. E-mail or other written communications might work for this. Or you can establish a special code word to mean \"I want to talk to you person-to-person for a while.\" Or pick a set time every week for such discussions. Whatever fits for you will probably work, but we think its a good idea to make some kind of arrangement in order to support both dominants and submissives in being able to freely and honestly express their wants.\n\nBottoms generally like it when tops say what they want: \"I want your ass right now, I want to bend you over that table, I really want to see you on your knees in front of me, what a sweet sight.\"\n\nIf this is your first time with this partner, do remember to inquire about limits, pain tolerance, safer sex, physical limits like asthma, history of abuse or trauma, contact lenses, muscle and joint problems that might make some positions uncomfortable. Experienced bottoms should know enough to tell you their limits without prompting, but not all bottoms know enough to figure out all their limits without ever having tested them. Regardless of your bottoms experience level, if you ask it makes it easier \u2013 the bottom doesnt feel so much like she is sitting there with a long list of \"dont do this and dont do that,\" in danger of falling into terminal negativity.\n\nI-MESSAGES. We have talked before about the damage done to hot play by blaming. Here we would like to introduce an alternative borrowed from the couples-counseling literature: the I-message. Communications experts note that we often speak in you-messages, like \"You are making me angry, you should be different, you always give me a hard time when I want to have fun, you never want to do what I want.\" The you-message almost always sounds like an accusation or an attack, and the person to whom it is addressed most commonly becomes defensive and tries to explain themselves and why they are not wrong. When they do that they have stopped listening to you.\n\nThe I-message basically means I share something of my internal reality, my feelings, my desires, my thoughts, my beliefs, like: \"I feel angry, I would like something to change, I want to have fun, I want to find some things that we both want to do.\" The I-message is clearly about our own stuff, and once we make it clear that we can be responsible for our stuff and willing to take the risk of sharing it, our partners become free to own their own feelings and problems and desires, and to speak their own truth, from their own tender places near the heart. And we are fond of exposed tender places, arent we?\n\nNEEDY BOTTOMS. Sometimes our roles get in the way of good communication. As tops, we have permission in scene space to be mean, nasty, intrusive and overpowering; similarly, bottoms may go into their own emotional spaces and become childish, dependent, needy and clinging. In real life we often respond to neediness by closing our boundaries and pushing people away, perhaps becoming annoyed and judgmental in the process. In BDSM, while ideally we both get to open our boundaries in a sort of controlled codependence that would not be acceptable in real life, the urge to withdraw in response to neediness can still be strong.\n\nSo how do you find a more constructive way to deal with neediness in scene space? First, you get to have limits. So as a top, if you really hate a particular kind of play that makes your partner seem uncomfortably needy, you can choose not to play that kind of scene.\n\nIf you feel pressured by indirect hints, you can insist that the bottom ask directly for what she wants. This can actually be healing: a person who uses neediness and manipulation may have grown up in a family where there was no straightforward way to get his or her needs met (she learned this behavior somewhere, right?), so getting positive strokes for asking for what she wants can be a wonderful revelation.\n\nOr you can negotiate a scene that includes neediness or dependency by making an agreement that the bottom will bring in the independent self when asked: \"I want to talk with the grown-up now.\" It may take a few moments for the bottom to switch states of consciousness, but the ability to switch from roles to reality is worth developing \u2013 practice makes perfect.\n\nBLACK HOLES. \"Black hole\" is a terribly rude name for bottoms who do not put out enough visible response for you to feel confident that you have any idea what is going on with them. They may or may not be having a good time, but their demeanor is so impassive that you cant tell. And if you cant tell what does or does not work for this bottom, without feedback, how can you know when it is safe to proceed? Response is the tops safety information, and it is also the tops reward. This is our theater, and the bottoms response is our applause.\n\nItstempting to deal with unresponsive bottoms by judging \u2013 this person is a lousy bottom, and I wont play with him or her again. But what if you like this bottom? What if he is your friend? Your lover?\n\nIs there anything you can do to make this bottom responsive? Remember that nobody is born knowing how to do this stuff, and anybody can learn. In The New Bottoming Book, we discussed the process of getting a scene off the ground and of finding your turn-on as a bottom, and we recommended acting \"as if.\" If a bottom breathes hard and works his body, he will actually get more turned on, and provide feedback for you to play against. It doesnt hurt for the top to model turn-on and interest too \u2013 think of all that wonderful gay male porn where the top is always saying \"Oooooh, yeah!\" in throaty tones. You can breathe hard and grind your groin against your bottom, for example, to get you both turned on and set a good example. Snarl a little.\n\nAnd you can always ask for the response you want. Janet says that her bottoms tend to respond with enthusiasm when she leans in close and purrs in their ear, \"You know, it would really turn me on to hear you scream\u2026\"\n\nBack when you were negotiating what you were going to do in this scene, perhaps you remembered to ask some questions about how this bottom gets turned on. Suck on the neck? Blow in the ear? Spit in the face? Its always reassuring when you know what to do.\n\nYou can tell a bottom, even without leaving role, that you need more response, that you cant tell if the scene is working or not. Dossie remembers:\n\n> The first time I topped at a party I was flogging a woman I didnt know very well, and wasnt sure if it was okay to hit harder. I didnt want to interrupt the scene to ask, especially because there were people watching, and then I got a great idea. In my best mean voice I growled, \"If you want me to hit you harder you better get that ass up there where I can get at it!\" And she did, and I did, and it was great.\n\nSo this bottom knew how to get what she wanted \u2013 and, for that matter, that she could reduce the intensity by pulling away. Thus you can instruct your bottom in exactly what kind of body language you want to hear.\n\nACTIVITIES THAT REQUIRE SPECIAL CONSENT\n\nDisagreements and hard feelings sometimes arise between players when one player takes for granted that it is okay to do something that the other player assumes should not be done without ascertaining consent prior to the scene. This happens in the vanilla world too: a good example might be anal penetration, for which an unspoken etiquette dictates that you find out how your partner feels about his or her asshole before you plunge in and yell \"Surprise!\"\n\nBDSM opens up the potential for an enormous range of activity, and what is bread-and-butter ordinary for one player might be something the other person has never heard of. A difference of opinion in this area may get discovered in an atmosphere of extreme adrenaline rush, which can make it difficult to maintain emotional equilibrium. So allow a moment to come down, and please remember that these are not occasions for fault and blame, but for understanding differences in customs and desires.\n\nWe will present here a list of things that some people might think would require specific consent \u2013 with the proviso that just about nobody would agree with every single item on our list. Still, we think that if youre not certain about consent, you have to ask.\n\n> \u2022 Sex. Some people take for granted that a scene will include something resembling genital sex or orgasm-producing activity, and will be very disappointed if they play with someone who does not have that as a given. Others see their play as something distinct from sex. So you have to ask.\n\n> Even if you and your partner have agreed to be sexual, you need to agree on what kinds of sexual behaviors are OK \u2013 assplay, as we mentioned earlier, is one common limit. People also make assumptions about safer sex that are better to negotiate: for instance, there is wide difference of opinion about the relative safety of oral sex, and a lot of disagreement in some heterosexual and lesbian communities about whether safer sex is important at all. (Just in case you couldnt guess, we think it is.)\n\n> \u2022 Marks. Temporary marks, like bruises or welts that last a few days, are common occurrences in S/M. However, some people \u2013 such as those with vanilla partners at home \u2013 might have problems with them, so its probably a good idea to ask about marks before you haul out the cast-iron cane. (A gynecologist once asked Dossie if she got those bruises riding a horse \u2013 Dossie responded, \"No.\") We strongly recommend that you never promise a new bottom you wont leave marks, because different skins react very differently to the same stimulus and you can never know for sure how this bottoms body will react.\n\n> Cuttings or piercings intended to be temporary can sometimes leave marks that last a lot longer than intended, so even if someone gives you permission to open their skin its not a good idea to carve your initials on their ass, or indulge a taste for silly graffiti. The skin should probably not be opened at all without consent, and deliberate permanent marks must always be negotiated.\n\n> \u2022 Pain. Its easy to assume that any bottom enjoys pain, so we will remind you that Dossie did not play with pain for her first several years in S/M: pain is an acquired taste for a lot of folk. We are both very happy that weve acquired it, but would still look askance at someone who would inflict intense pain on us without some reason to believe that we would enjoy it.\n\n> \u2022 Humiliation. For some bottoms, feeling embarrassed, humiliated or even degraded is a pungent erotic thrill, and for others its an infuriating insult. And to make things even more complicated, different people feel humiliated by different things: for one man, crossdressing is acute humiliation, while for another its fun costumery. So if your bottom tells you that he loves or hates humiliation, be sure to find out what kinds of humiliation he loves or hates.\n\n> \u2022 Phobias and turnoffs. Many of us have one or more psychological phobias, images or associations \u2013 rape, slavery, prostitution, child abuse and Nazis are common ones \u2013 that make us so unhappy or frightened in the real world that we do not wish to play with them in S/M. Some people have serious phobias about needles, fire, electricity or blood, and may not be sophisticated enough to know that these can be S/M activities: we do play with fear, but we do so consensually. Few people assume an easy comfort level with shit, and piss is more accepted in some communities than others.\n\n> \u2022 High-risk play. Some forms of play have much higher risks of injury or death than others. Breath control and electricity can stop hearts, sometimes permanently. Firearms play, no matter how careful you think youre being with an \"unloaded\" gun, can go tragically wrong, as can playing with real-world danger like speeding cars and skyscraper balconies. And then theres play with serious social risks, like getting caught by your mother. Play involving drugs or alcohol impairs bottoms perception of damage being done to their bodies, and reduces tops judgment and inhibitions. Theres room for difference of opinion about the thin line between \"very risky\" and \"too dangerous to do at all\" \u2013 but if youre playing anywhere close to that line, we think your play requires both partners explicit consent, and a lot of planning for safety.\n\n> \u2022 Limits of scene space. Scenes that expand the agreed-upon limits of scene space require special consent \u2013 for instance, inviting other people to join a scene should be checked with your bottom, because if you get your bottom all tied up and hot and bothered and then introduce your three friends who just arrived, she might get a little outraged. You also include additional, nonconsensual participants if you play visibly in public, like if you chain your bottom to a parking meter and go inside for a cappuccino. It is very important to have explicit consent if you want to record a scene in photos or on video or audiotape: many people have strong and valid limits about pictures of themselves in extremely embarrassing positions possibly being seen by other people.\n\n> \u2022 Emotional limits. Scenes likely to evoke profound emotional conflict require special consent, both from the bottom and from the top. Such scenes may involve abandonment, betrayal, extreme humiliation, regression to child or baby states, and real-world emotions, especially anger. These are all \"button-pushers,\" and can evoke much more extreme responses than you bargained for. We find it particularly important to agree that we will not take anger we have about real conflict into a scene \u2013 even if you and your bottom are in a relationship in which you have the right to punish him, its generally not a good idea to punish in anger.\n\nLIMITS FOR TOPS\n\nAs tops, we have the same responsibility as bottoms to know our own limits. We can start by being honest about what we want and what we dont want. A good exercise to clarify this is called \"Yes, No and Maybe.\" Make a list of all the sexual and BDSM activities you can think of, and then divide them into three categories \u2013 yes, no and maybe. Yes is what you know you like, no is what you know you dont like, and maybe is all those things that might be hot if the time were right, or you were really turned on, or you could get someone who already knows how to teach you. This exercise can be fun to do with your partner or in a group \u2013 but if you feel that to be a real stud top you ought to be ready for anything, maybe you should try it alone the first time so you can be honest with yourself. On your yes list you will probably find plenty of things you like, and the maybe list promises plenty of hot stuff to explore. Respect your own no list as you would your bottoms.\n\nIt is particularly important to know and honor the limits of your knowledge and skill. It can be embarrassing if a bottom approaches you with a new eight-foot bullwhip and wants you and only you to crack it over his or her ass, forcing you to admit that you have no idea how to operate that thing. But remember, it would be a lot more embarrassing if you tried to do it and failed, and even worse if you wound up injuring the bottom \u2013 a very real possibility, as throwing a bullwhip is dangerous and requires a tremendous amount of training and practice.\n\nIf your fantasy of being a top requires you to be all-knowing, thats a fine fantasy, and you still have to know your limits. Good bottoms will respect your honesty \u2013 at least, if we said wed never done something before and were feeling uncertain about it, and a bottom said \"Aw, cmon,\" we would wonder a lot about that bottoms respect for safety.\n\nMAKING ROOM FOR YOUR OWN NEEDS. Where do sex and physical stimulation for the top fit into your scene agenda? Many of us have some difficulty feeling like a big bad top when we are on our backs with our legs in the air squealing in ecstasy. Some tops like to focus on what they are doing to the bottom during the scene, and arrange for their own orgasm afterwards. Some of us top first, then switch to the bottom role to get stimulated. Some of us order our bottoms not to touch us at all during a scene because it is distracting.\n\nHeres an intriguing script for a switching scene that was negotiated by a top who had a yen for some downtime:\n\n> A hapless bottom has been kidnapped into the harem of hte Sultan Of Whatever to be trained as a pleasure slave. The training begins with innocence violated, our heroine bound and chained, helpess to resist the sensual invasion of the skillful slave trainer, etcetera. Then, somehow, the erstwhile slave escapes and manages to tie up her master, and (with a surprisingly active imagination for such an innocent maiden) takes her revenge by winding leather cords tightly around his cock and balls, and hanging weights from his scrotum with mean little clothespins.\n\n> Then, the evil slave master gets loose and again, our poor heroine is bound, subjected to terrible punishments and thoroughly ravished, to the satisfaction of both the players on this private stage.\n\n> Who says you cant have your cake and eat it too?\n\nYou can make a space during your scene for your own stimulation, and you can negotiate that with your bottom. For instance, you might like a butt plug in your ass and a vibrator on your cock or clit while your pleasure slave pulls on the chain between your nipple clamps \u2013 so why not? Bottoms may or may not have access to a whole lot of initiative while they are in role, but most of them are good at following directions. So make a clear agreement with your bottom before the scene starts, untie your bottom and order him or her to molest you in your favorite way when the time is right, and remember that your bottom, just like you, might need to focus on what he is doing to you \u2013 so this might not be the best time to yank off a clamp while your tender parts are between his teeth. Or then again..\n"}
-{"input": " \n\nTitle: \"Exploring Dominance: A Novice Top's Role-Play Scene\"\n\nPrompt: \n\nWrite a narrative from the perspective of a novice top named Akasha, who experiences a strong desire to dominate her friend Richard in a role-play scene. Include the following elements:\n\n1. Akasha's internal struggle with her dominating thoughts and fantasies.\n2. Her phone conversation with Richard, expressing her desires and setting up the scene.\n3. The initial meeting at a caf\u00e9, where Akasha plays with power dynamics by feeding Richard.\n4. The transition to Akasha's room, where she assumes a dominant role and uses various restraint devices on Richard.\n5. Akasha's execution of a series of short scenes, exploring different power dynamics and desires.\n6. A detailed description of the final scene, in which Richard is handcuffed and Akasha role-plays his execution, building tension through sensual and emotional overload.\n7. Akasha's emotional release following the scene, expressing feelings of guilt and the need for reassurance from Richard.\n8. Akasha's reflection on the exhausting nature of the dominant headspace and the recovery process.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 3\n\nA role-play scene, played by \"Akasha,\" a novice top friend.\n\nI woke up with great difficulty and realized my mind was full of thoughts of domination, weird fantasies about devices that I did not own but wished I did. I thought of my friend Richard, and a wonderful night we had shared many months before.\n\nI called him and found him still in bed. I said, \"God, I am really having a problem today.\"\n\nHe shifted in his sheets, I could hear it, and said, \"Hungry?\"\n\nI was doodling, cracking pencil leads and then throwing them away. \"Yes,\" I said, and I was sort of half shaking, just wanting to make him beg on the phone, make him get out of his warm bed and kneel down, make him whimper, do anything. But I wanted more, so I held back and asked him to see me.\n\nHe half moaned and sighed, yawned again, and told me he had class that night. I told him to meet me afterward. He paused, and I felt like I was going to die.\n\n\"Richard, please. Im going crazy. Do this for me, OK?\"\n\n\"You want to hurt me?\" he said softly, making me face it. This was back when it was still hard for me to accept that I enjoyed making men suffer.\n\nIts difficult to describe what a day like that feels like, waiting for the hours to go by, trying to concentrate on work, going one step at a time. When I am in that mindframe I can smell everything in the air, I can feel mist against my face in the cold air. The moon is more illuminated, the sound of my feet in puddles as I walk somehow thrills me with a feeling of authority.\n\nI arrived at the cafe a few minutes early and waited in the lobby. Richard arrived a few minutes late. When I stood up and hugged him he laughed softly into my ear, \"Howre you doing?\"\n\nI just moaned and started fingering his hair, tugging at it a little. We parted and I looked at him again, blinking. I felt weak, numb. I wanted to take him by the hair and force him to his knees. Instead I said weakly, \"You probably havent eaten yet. Can I buy you dinner?\"\n\nWhen his food arrived I stole his silverware and he laughed. \"Im serious,\" I told him in a low voice. \"I am feeding you this entire meal.\"\n\nHis eyes searched around the room and he lowered his voice, \"Come on, people will see. We can take care of you when we get home. Let me eat.\"\n\nAny other night I wouldnt think twice about him eating dinner across from me. But in that mood, on that night, I wanted to be the one feeding him. I wanted to make him part his lips each time I lifted the spoon. I wanted to make him beg with his eyes for more, or look at me longingly. Or I wanted to force him to do it.\n\nI leaned over the table and we argued a bit about it, finally compromising in that I would feed him the first few bites and then let him finish. Knowing that he hated doing it but would submit to it for a few minutes was enough for now.\n\nWhen we got into my room he sat on the edge of my bed then finally lay down, spreading his arms out and sighing tiredly. I slid down and moved on top of him, moving my hands up to his wrists and holding them down there. His eyes flickered open and he stared at me expressionlessly, waiting.\n\nI consider it true, deep headspace when I am capable, without hesitation, of exercising acts of cruelty or power as if they were second nature. These are things that I would never do in a normal state of mind. On that night I slipped into it relatively easily, maybe because I had been lingering around the edges of it for so long.\n\nI set up a series of short scenes, because my appetite was varied and I wanted to satisfy it all. Sometimes I want total resistance, sometimes I want fear, sometimes I want pathetic, eager submission. That night I wanted them all.\n\nI used every single restraint device on him that I had, in every position I could imagine. I kept a hand over his mouth most of the night and wrestled him to the ground three or four different times, ordering him to feign resistance until I hurt him into submitting.\n\nI roleplayed kidnapping him, interrogating him, seducing him, and fucking him. I had an orgasm just from the way he felt against me as I took him against his will, one hand holding his head back by a fistful of hair and the other over his mouth to muffle his protests.\n\nFor the grand finale I put him in my chair and handcuffed his wrists behind his back, taking my wall mirror down and putting it behind him so I could see his wrists and enjoy the way they looked while still facing him.\n\nI put water in his hair to simulate sweat and messed it up, tied his ankles together, and told him I was going to kill him.\n\nHe put his head down solemnly and I walked around a bit, touching his skin gently, telling him how pretty and helpless he looked. He shifted, and struggled uselessly, then lifted his head to me and looked at me with his teeth clenched, saying \"You have to let me go. Dont do this to me.\"\n\nI leaned down and held his face in my hands, putting my lips close to his, licking them gently. \"Kiss me goodbye, my tortured slave.\"\n\nHe shut his eyes and leaned forward to kiss me, hungry, passionate, as if to seduce me with his mouth and tongue. This kiss was long, desperate, and when I broke from it he was breathing hard.\n\nHis eyes were pleading, yet strong. \"Im not afraid to die,\" he said softly.\n\nHe always knew the things to say. He was begging, yet he was strong. He was submitting, but he was still powerful. He amazed me.\n\nWe had played these execution scenes before so I didnt need to give him any instruction. He was to pretend he had about three minutes left to live, locked in some airtight chamber or given some poisonous gas, and he was to struggle yet remain brave until the moment I came to save him from his fate.\n\nAnd he really knew how to play it. Perfectly, yet differently every time. The way he pulled at the handcuffs, letting them cut into his wrists as if it didnt matter,. The way he threw his head back to breathe with such pained difficulty, the way he looked at me through wet bangs with desperation, his lashes damp with tears.\n\nI felt so close to orgasm, but it was a different sort of satisfaction. I just watched, emotionless, as his struggles became weaker and his breathing more labored.\n\nThen it hit me, at once, it was like a sensual overload, like an orgasm but of the mind. I shivered, I felt a cold sweat on my body and suddenly I wanted to cry, I thought, \"God, what am I doing to him?\" I unfastened him quickly and slid into his arms, shaking, telling him I was sorry. He laughed softly into my ear and told me it was okay, that he was acting, and that I neednt feel bad.\n\nBut feeling bad makes me feel better, so I spent some time crying, letting him reassure me. We lay down in the bed together and eventually fell asleep after I had sufficient reassurance.\n\nWaking up the next morning I felt a different kind of exhaustion. Its impossible to explain how much dom headspace rips the energy right out of you. Sometimes it takes me days to recover.\n"}
-{"input": " Title: \"Mastering the Art of Topping: Tips and Techniques for Dominants\"\n\nPrompt: \n\nWrite an informative guide for novice tops, including the following elements:\n\n1. The importance of preparation and fantasy building before a scene.\n2. Strategies for avoiding over-planning and under-planning, such as creating an outline of possible activities.\n3. The role of a beginning ritual in establishing a sexy, susceptible headspace for both parties.\n4. Tips for staying in control and building momentum, including the art of escalation.\n5. Techniques for handling impromptu inspiration and cases of \"blank-paperitis\" during a scene.\n6. The importance of keeping the energy going in a scene, and tips for doing so in both nurturing and nonconsent scenarios.\n7. The delicate balance of giving clear, forceful directions without relinquishing control.\n8. Strategies for gathering information from the bottom without breaking the scene's energy, such as verbal cues and nonverbal signals.\n9. The role of support and encouragement in a scene, and ways to offer it without breaking character.\n10. Suggestions for checking in with the bottom during a scene, such as the \"two squeezes\" check-in method.\n11. Tips for calibrating a bottom's responses and using a \"one to ten\" strategy when playing with a new bottom or new toy.\n12. The risks and responsibilities involved when a bottom enters \"The Forever Place\" or becomes a \"bottomless pit.\"\n13. The importance of closure in ending a scene, and tips for achieving a smooth closure.\n14. The need for winding down and decompression time after a scene, and suggestions for activities to help both parties return to a functional mental state.", "response": "\n\n9\n\nGO!\n\nAll the negotiation, planning, scheming and fantasizing in the world never quite prepare you for that moment when youre standing there, face to face with the bottom of your dreams, who is breathing a little bit fast and looking at you with an expectant gleam in his or her eyes. Omigod\u2026 now what am I supposed to do?\n\nWe suggest that before you get to that critical moment, you spend a little (or a lot of ) time thinking your scene through. Try to build a fantasy around the person youre playing with and the kind of scene youve agreed to play. (Janet likes to do this while masturbating.) This doesnt have to be a narrative-type fantasy with plots and dialogue unless you want it to be \u2013 maybe your fantasy is about a particular energy or activity. Be as far out as you like in your fantasy; you can always revise later when you bring the fantasy into reality.\n\nThat fantasy will be the core of the scene you do together. We guarantee that the scene will not go exactly the way it did in your fantasy\u2026 reality is never that willing to conform to our expectations. But if your fantasy has your gorgeous captive first kissing your boots, then getting trussed up like a Christmas turkey, then getting flogged and fucked, you have at least an outline for your scene.\n\nDont script too tightly. If your satisfaction in this scene depends on your bottom saying certain words, or resisting in just the right manner, youd better make sure she knows it, or she is very likely to react the wrong way:\n\n> As part of a public demonstration, Janet, as the sadistic butch prison warden, was threatening Dossie, as the innocent and wrongly imprisoned \"good girl,\" with a cavity search. It would have been very inappropriate to actually do a cavity search in front of an audience of strangers, so Janet assumed that Dossie would resist, thus giving The Warden an excuse to punish The Girl. Unfortunately, she forgot to mention this plan to Dossie, who got deeply enough into the role that it didnt occur to her to refuse \u2013 leaving Janet standing there with a glob of lube on her gloved finger and a foolish expression on her face, frantically trying to signal Dossie that she should please for heavens sake resist so they could get on with the scene.\n\nJanet made the mistake of overplanning \u2013 of making the scene dependent on the bottoms reaction, without ensuring that the bottom would react the way she needed. If you want your bottom to resist, to capitulate, to beg or to struggle, youd better make that desire clear up front or youre likely to get stuck improvising in ways that might not work for either of you.\n\nOn the other hand, underplanning \u2013 going into a scene with no idea of what youre going to do or what sequence youre going to do it in \u2013 is a surefire recipe for what Dossie calls \"blank-paperitis,\" that brain-dead feeling when you look at the bottom and cant begin to imagine what might be a good thing to do next.\n\nWe like to go into a scene with an \"outline\" of possible activities \u2013 a menu that we can move through or skip around or even ignore if we think of something better to do, but thats always there to fall back on if we feel stuck. Janet likes to plan an outline with two or three times as many items on it as she could ever actually do in a single scene, so she has plenty of choices and can go with the flow of her own energy and the bottoms reactions.\n\nWHAT DO YOU DO FIRST?\n\nWell, first you panic \u2013 at least a little. This is the challenging point. But have courage. Remember, we have faith in you.\n\nIn the beginning, your job is to get both yourself and your bottom into a sexy, susceptible headspace: a space in which you are powerful and terrible, and he is malleable and helpless before your implacable will.\n\nWe find that its a good idea to start a scene with some sort of ritual that defines the beginning of the scene and starts to get everybody turned on. A hug is good for scenes that have a nurturing, connected feeling. For a slave-type scene, you can have a ritual of putting on the bottoms collar: many tops like to have their bottoms kneel at their feet and kiss the collar before it is placed around the bottoms neck. Touching the bottoms shoulders, back or neck establishes connection in a relaxed and soothing way. Simply standing the bottom a few feet away and having her hold quite still, with eyes lowered, and then turn around slowly \u2013 while you examine every inch of her body, your eyes burning with lust \u2013 can be a hot beginning. Janet sometimes likes to have the bottom leave the room and come back in, with the understanding that once she re-enters the room, the scene has begun. Putting on some bondage can be a good start for many scenes. In other words, just about any beginning can work, as long as it serves the dual purpose of connecting you and your partner and turning you on.\n\nGETTING YOURSELF TURNED ON. If youre lucky, youll already be turned on and feeling like the King or Queen of Hell before you begin \u2013 but neither of us is usually that lucky; we usually have to do something to get turned on and into top space.\n\nIs there something physical that you know turns you on, makes you feel toppy? Janet feels toppy when someone kneels in front of her and sucks her nipples. Do you like having your boots kissed? Your feet rubbed? Is there a name you like to be called? Tell your bottom how to do what you like; be specific. Hell start to feel submissive and under your control, and youll start to get turned on.\n\nSometimes you can convince yourself that youre a top simply by acting like one. Be bossy, be forceful \u2013 its okay if it doesnt feel \"natural\" at first; imitate your favorite movie villain, or a top whose style youve admired at parties. As you start to act like a top, youll probably start to feel a little excited. And the more turned on you feel, the more natural the topping will seem, and the more turned on youll get, so youll do more, and get more turned on, and\u2026\n\nYour bottom will notice your arousal and your toppiness and start to get turned on, too, and will add his energy to the drama youre building. And before you know it, there youll both be \u2013 nicely in role, wildly excited and having an absolutely wonderful time.\n\nBUILDING. Once youve established scene space with a proper beginning, you can start building some momentum. For most scenes, you want to begin slowly and build gradually. (Interrogation, terror and punishment scenes can be exceptions.) If youre playing with sensation, start with the gentlest \u2013 sensual stroking or erotic pinching, or some slow-building strokes from a nice soft thuddy flogger. If your scene is more about domination and control, you may want to start with some orders that you know the bottom will not find too intense (either too demanding or too rewarding) \u2013 some posture training, say, or an order for the bottom to lightly stimulate you to get you in the mood. Save the really difficult tasks for later when the bottom is \"warmed up\" and deeply into role, and the activities you know she really loves as a reward for doing the difficult ones.\n\nEscalate slowly. If youve started with your softest mellowest flogger, step up to something a bit heavier. Add a bit more bondage to restrict your captives movement a little more. Start getting a bit pickier about how your commands are carried out. Challenge your bottom by requiring him to do something that requires concentration as he accepts increasing stimulation. (Janet once played with a top who required that she address him by obscene names, each one different, as he caned her: \"One, thank you, dickhead! Two, thank you, fuckwad! Three, thank you, shitfor-brains!\")\n\nYou dont have to continue to escalate; one of the arts of topping is to take the bottom right up to the edge where she thinks she cant stand it any more, then back off for a while and do something nicer, then go up to that same place and perhaps a little beyond, then back off again\u2026\n\nIMPULSE TOPPING. Occasionally, while partway into a scene that youve planned carefully, youll be struck by a sudden inspiration. Following your instinct at such a moment can be risky, particularly if the bottom is expecting something different. But, if your inspiration isnt a limit for the bottom, it may turn out to be your intuition guiding you toward something wonderful; some of our best moments in scene have been impromptu impulses of this kind.\n\nOn the other hand, sometimes youll come up totally dry \u2013 with a bad case of the \"blank-paperitis\" we mentioned earlier. A good strategy here is to do whatever worked last time, or, if youre in the middle of a scene, you can backtrack to do some more of whatever was working well earlier: theres no rule against more of a good thing.\n\nOne top we know taught us another excellent strategy for this moment: do nothing. Simply stop and re-center yourself. Take a deep breath or two. Look at yourself and your bottom. Wait. Inspiration will come. The bottom isnt going anywhere. This can seem like a very long moment, but really, its usually only a minute or so\u2026 and many bottoms love suspense.\n\nKEEPING IT GOING\n\nGood tops are full of all kinds of sneaky ways to keep a scene going without breaking its energy.\n\nA lot of the ideas well talk about in this section fall into two categories: ways to keep the energy going in a scene that is supportive and nurturing, and ways to accomplish the same goal in a scene thats harsh and is built around a fantasy of nonconsent. In both cases, youre trying to do the same things \u2013 to get support and information for yourself and to provide support and encouragement for your bottom \u2013 but the way that you accomplish those goals will depend on what role youre playing.\n\nTAKING CONTROL. An important thing to remember is that your goal is to \"turn off your bottoms brain\" \u2013 to enable her to melt into a malleable, will-less state of arousal and hypersensuality. The more control, verbal and physical, that you exert, the easier it will be for your bottom to relinquish control to you.\n\nIts a good idea to offer your bottom as few choices as possible. \"Lie down on the bed\" is not such a great order, because it leaves too many questions open in the bottoms mind. \"Lie down on the bed, face down, with your head facing the headboard, your legs together and your arms outspread\" is better.\n\nYou may still want to offer your bottom choices as part of a head trip \u2013 \"Six with the cane or 50 with the flogger? You choose.\" But do so intentionally, and make it clear that youre offering the choice not because youre floundering but because you enjoy seeing the bottom struggle with the decision.\n\nIt can work very well to take control of a bottom in a physical way as well: pushing, grabbing, dragging, holding down. We did a scene that played with this sense of physical control:\n\n> Dossie was a recently captured slavegirl in a country where she didnt speak the language; Janet was a new owner who wasnt the talkative type. While Dossie begged, whined, offered bribes, fumed and refused, Janet simply physically forced her (with a little help from a few floggers and canes and paddles) to kneel, to dance, to suck Janets breasts, to masturbate, and other critical \"slave skills.\" For a couple of verbalists like us, it was a fabulously freeing scene \u2013 Dossie couldnt talk her way out of it, and Janet found herself able to be physically rough, with hairpulling, shoving, armtwisting and so on, in a way thats usually difficult for her.\n\nGiving clear, forceful directions can be difficult for many tops, perhaps especially women, who are culturally enjoined against being directive. An exercise Janet teaches in her workshops for novice female dominants is to have the bottoms rub their mistresses feet as the mistresses give specific directions about where to rub, how hard and in what rhythm. Although this exercise may sound simple, it is difficult for many attendees. If you have trouble giving orders, it might be a good way for you to practice this important skill.\n\nASKING FOR DIRECTION. While the fantasy of much BDSM is that the top is taking his or her pleasure without regard to what the bottom wants, the reality is that youre doing this for mutual enjoyment \u2013 and you cant attain mutual enjoyment without some guidance from your bottom about what he is enjoying. But most bottoms dont like to feel like theyre running the scene: if they wanted to run scenes, theyd be tops. So you need to figure out ways to get the information you need without seeming to relinquish control.\n\nThe ritual of requiring the bottom to kiss the whip or other implement is really a script for consent. The threat builds anticipation while giving the bottom an opportunity to voice any concerns. Others enjoy having the bottom choose which toy he wants to experience; we know one who likes to lay out all his toys, then tell his bottom, \"Bring me one item to give you pain and one to give you pleasure.\"\n\nOther ways of asking for direction are verbal \u2013 and in these, tone of voice and turn of phrase matter a lot. You know and we know that the sentences \"Id like to cane you now, would that be OK?\" and \"Youre about to get a caning youll never forget, you little slut\" really mean pretty much the same thing, but they certainly dont feel the same to your bottom.\n\nThe trick to asking for direction from top space is to phrase the request in such a way that it sounds like youre demanding it for your own pleasure, not fumbling around trying to figure out what will please your bottom.\n\nHOW TO BE SUPPORTIVE. Bottoms need a lot of support when theyre doing their thing, and, depending on the flavor of scene youre doing, there are a lot of different ways you can offer it.\n\nIf a bottom is doing something intense and difficult to please you, she deserves and needs praise. If your scene has a nurturing tone, you simply may want to offer that praise: \"Im proud of you\" or \"You took that really well\" or \"You look so beautiful doing that.\" On the other hand, very few interrogators compliment their victims on how well they take their torture. So if youre role-playing a scene of nonconsent or harshness, you have to be more subtle \u2013 but a muttered comment about the stubbornness of this particular victim accomplishes the same goal without breaking role: \"Ah, she has spirit, I like that! More to break.\"\n\nA particularly devious top trick is to use the lowered boundaries of scene space to \"implant\" messages of self-esteem. Weve done a couple of scenes together in which Janet is a schoolmistressy authority figure and Dossie is a young girl; Janet enjoys telling Dossie that \"a pretty little thing like you is going to be very popular with the big girls around here\" \u2013 creating a nice sense of dread as she builds Dossies mental self-image.\n\nIt can also be very helpful to \"coach\" your bottom through the tough parts by reminding him or her to do things like breathe and relax, kind of like a labor coach in childbirth. If youre being a supportive top, you can simply tell your bottom what you want her to do: \"breathe along with me\" or \"relax your butt muscles\" or \"listen to the music.\" If youre being a mean top, you may have to get a little more creative. \"I want to hear you scream\" accomplishes the same goal as reminding your partner to breathe (it takes oxygen to scream), but sends shivers up the spine in a totally different way. You can also order your bottom to do something like relaxing her muscles, with appropriate penalties if she tenses up.\n\nCHECKING IN. Since bottoms occasionally forget how to safeword for one reason or another, we think its a good idea for a top to have a mechanism she can use to \"check in\" to make sure that everythings still basically OK.\n\nMany people check in verbally. \"Still with me?\" or \"Do you remember your safeword?\" are easy and readily understandable. However, they can be inappropriate for some scenes (prison guards rarely ask their victims if theyre enjoying themselves), plus bottoms can sometimes get too nonverbal to respond properly.\n\nIn his book SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Jay Wiseman suggests the \"two squeezes\" check-in: the top takes hold of some part of the bottoms body (often the hand) and gives it two firm squeezes. The bottom lets the top know that shes OK by taking hold of some part of the tops body and giving it two squeezes back. If the top doesnt get the two return squeezes, he tries once again; if the squeezes still arent forthcoming, he assumes that somethings wrong and that its time to break role and talk.\n\nOther forms of check-in are physical: looking for welts to make sure the whip is landing in the right places, watching for changes in breathing or sound, feeling bound hands and feet to make sure theyre still warm and getting enough circulation. Such check-ins also get you close to your bottoms body, which he usually doesnt mind.\n\nCALIBRATING YOUR BOTTOM. Many tops, when playing for the first time with a new bottom (or with a new toy on a long-time bottom), use some variant of a \"one to ten\" strategy. Usually, the top gives the bottom a very gentle stimulus and says, \"That was a one on a scale of one to ten. When youre ready for another one, say a number that tells me how intense you want it.\" The top spends several minutes letting the bottom \"call the shots\" in this way, learning about the bottoms reactions as she goes. Eventually, when the bottom seems to be getting a little bored, the top says, \"If youre ready to stop calling numbers and let me decide force and timing on my own, let me know.\" The bottom can go on one-to-tenning for as long as he needs to feel comfortable, and the top gets a good idea of how well the bottom can handle this particular sensation.\n\nBOTTOMLESS PITS AND \"THE FOREVER PLACE.\" Sometimes, a bottom will get so endorphined out or go under so deeply that she feels like she just wants to go on doing this forever and ever and ever. A bottom who is in this condition will not be able to tell you if you are doing damage to her body or mind. She may go very still, no longer struggling or making noise \u2013 this can be scary if youre not ready for it. Or she may still be moaning and crying, but be unable to respond to simple questions or orders. Or she may seem fine \u2013 Dossie grins and giggles, appearing deceptively on top of it all, while Janet chatters nonchalantly.\n\nIf your bottom goes into \"The Forever Place,\" that places an extra burden of responsibility on you; she has no judgment, so you have to provide enough for both of you. Keep an extra-close eye on physical signals like welts, bruises, abrasions and blisters, and watch for dizziness, trembling and nausea (all signs that the bottom is beginning to \"overload\" and may be on the verge of fainting). Be ultra-respectful of the limits the two of you agreed on beforehand: a bottom in \"The Forever Place\" may be absolutely thrilled to see the brass knuckles that she said \"absolutely not\" to, but that doesnt make it OK to use them \u2013 such a bottoms consent is no longer very meaningful.\n\nBottoms who never seem to get enough are called, somewhat ruefully, \"bottomless pits.\" Such bottoms can be frustrating for a top, because you can wear yourself to a sweating panting frazzle and still get a wistful \"Are we done already?\" for your trouble. Some tops like to keep one or more very intense toys or techniques for use in convincing the bottom who thinks she can never get enough.\n\nDossie remembers a public performance she once gave:\n\n> In the early 80s, two other women and I produced an erotic performance, the first public S/M demonstration in San Francisco woman-space as far as I know. We staged a kidnapping of a \"random\" victim from the audience (actually my lover), and made a big point of establishing consent so the audience wouldnt freak out \u2013 including having my \"victim\" select the whip I would beat her with, which was a relatively gentle braided cat. We had planned a counting scene for a birthday beating, in which she was supposed to control the length and intensity of the beating by counting strokes at the number she was comfortable with\u2026 so the scene started out \"one \u2013 whack \u2013 two \u2013 whack \u2013 three \u2013 whack \u2013 three \u2013 whack \u2013 three \u2013 whack\" and so on. Our agreement was that when we got close to her birthday age, I would hit her as hard as she liked and end at 33. Well, she got into the Forever Place and forgot she was supposed to want to stop, and kept counting \"30, 30, 30.\" I couldnt get her attention, and I couldnt very well break the rules of play I had so carefully established, so eventually I had to give up, announce that she had won, congratulate her and escort her off the stage, hoping nobody would notice me shushing her when she wanted to know why I had stopped when it was feeling so good.\n\nCLOSURE. Ending the scene is one of the most important factors in helping make sure you and your bottom will both remember the scene fondly later. A sudden, unexpected or clumsy ending can take all the joy out of a scene thats been pretty nice up until that moment.\n\nEnding a scene takes place in three parts: preparation, closure and aftercare. During the preparation stage, while youre still actually playing, you need to signal to the bottom that the scene will end soon, so he can begin to come back into the real world and pull himself or herself together. Dossie likes to pick out a fairly heavy toy such as a cane, show it to the bottom, and ask the bottom to pick how many heavy strokes between one and ten (or 20, or 50) he is ready to take before ending the scene.\n\nIf your scene is more about control than sensation, you may want to give the bottom a particularly difficult task \u2013 \"repeat the following phrase 100 times, without error, while acting as my footstool\" \u2013 with the understanding that the scene will end when he completes the task to your satisfaction. You can string something like this out according to your own judgment by choosing how picky you want to get about what constitutes successful completion of the task.\n\nJanet remembers:\n\n> I was doing an ageplay scene in which I was a very naughty nine-year-old girl and my Daddy, having spanked me thoroughly, was making me write a letter of apology to the principal of my school. I was so completely in role that my handwriting was the Palmer cursive which was taught to children when I was young (and with which I had struggled in great frustration in grade school). As he rejected one draft after another \u2013 too messy, too short, not apologetic enough \u2013 I sank deeper and deeper into role, and got more and more frustrated with my poor handwriting. Fortunately, he saw that I was growing genuinely upset, and chose that moment to \"accept\" my latest draft \u2013 even though it was not as good as some of the previous ones.\n\nThe main thing to remember about closure is to avoid suddenness. Withdrawing from your bottom while shes still floating around out in bottom space is clumsy and unkind, and can feel like a dreadful abandonment. Give your partner plenty of warning, in whatever way works for both of you, that the scene is drawing to an end.\n\nWINDING DOWN. After the formal scene is over, most players want and need some decompression time \u2013 hugging, cuddling, talking, dozing, eating, showering, whatever it takes to stabilize both of you back in the real world. (We offered a fairly lengthy set of suggestions for decompression in The New Bottoming Book.) Its not a good idea to let your bottom attempt complex or dangerous tasks right after a scene, when he may still be endorphined out and perhaps still in suggestible bottom space.\n\nAn S/M scene is not over until both (or all) of you have returned to the real world, to a more or less functional mental state, intimately connected and happy as clams, albeit perhaps a little stupid. This is a good time to relax and enjoy the connection. Some traditions have it that after a scene the bottom should scurry about and clean up the toys, but we prefer to wait until the bottom is recovered enough to do so without breaking anything. We like to respect and enjoy the general incompetence of warm fuzzy endorphined-out bottoms, and share in that state ourselves.\n\nSo invest some time in snuggling, sharing something to eat or drink, perhaps a warm bath (hot tubs are great for this!). You can rub any sore muscles, or have your bottom rub yours. Putting icepacks on bruises, brushing hair, washing any body parts that might have gotten sticky \u2013 grooming behaviors feel good here, and are a nice way to indicate caring nurturance.\n\nSometimes, especially after a particularly intense scene when youve been a very good top, your bottom may need support in returning to normal consciousness. If your bottom spaces out and you feel like you cant quite reach him or her, stay close and in physical contact. If you stay connected, you can probably enjoy the spaced-out feeling too. Allow a little time. Call the person by name; Dossie likes to blow in her ear. Touch her firmly, rub muscles, and gently move joints. A glass of water or something to eat is always grounding. Ask about the journey \u2013 talking gets us back in our heads \u2013 and welcome your friend back. Remember, if your bottom goes very far out its probably because you were a very good top.\n\nAnd how about you? How do you return to normal consciousness after youve been playing God? Its a mistake to think that aftercare is offered for the bottoms sake only. Many tops need this kind of warmth and reassurance as well, to remind them that theyre not really the mean nasty horrible bullies they were acting like just a few minutes before. And you probably dont want to try running a staff meeting or driving the Indy 500 right after a scene, either; tops get endorphin-y, too, and bossy top energy \u2013 which can be a problem in the real world \u2013 cant be turned off like a faucet.\n\nSo share the cool-down cycle with your bottom. Luxuriate. If theres something you like after a scene, let your bottom know, and help your bottom take care of you. If your orgasm is scheduled for after the scene, check in with your bottom to make sure she has recovered enough to make love to you with all the energy and focus youve been looking forward to \u2013 youll get the best treatment if youre not in a hurry. Remember, youre playing with someone you like (at least we hope you are!); take the time to enjoy her company as you float gently back to reality.\n"}
-{"input": " \n\nTitle: \"Navigating Scene Mishaps: Emotional and Physical Challenges in BDSM Play\"\n\nPrompt: Write a guide for BDSM practitioners, focusing on how to handle unexpected emotional and physical mishaps during a scene. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The importance of taking risks in BDSM and the inevitability of occasional scene mishaps.\n2. Emotional glitches, such as panic, anger, grief, or regression, and their potential causes, including flashbacks, role confusion, and real-world emotions infiltrating scene space.\n3. Strategies for minimizing the frequency of emotional mishaps, including honesty about one's background and belief system and avoiding triggers related to past traumas.\n4. Signs of emotional freak-outs, such as sudden changes in response or an inability to use a safeword, and the importance of asking the bottom directly about their emotional state.\n5. Techniques for handling emotional mishaps, including getting out of role, removing bondage, providing warmth, and allowing the bottom to come back at their own pace.\n6. The possibility of emotional mishaps requiring professional therapy and the importance of emotional support during this process.\n7. Physical mishaps, such as off-target strokes, clamps on tender nerves, heart attacks, and seizures, and the importance of acknowledging mistakes during a scene.\n8. Strategies for handling physical mishaps depending on the flavor of the scene, including comforting touches, apologizing, or using role-appropriate language.\n9. The responsibility of a top to take care of a bottom's well-being during a scene, including providing first aid and cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if necessary.\n10. Outside-world emergencies, such as interruptions by non-scene folks, natural disasters, or power outages, and the importance of being prepared to handle these situations.\n11. Aftershocks, such as feelings of guilt, shame, horror, and top drop, and the importance of self-reassurance, respect for limits and safety, and seeking support from friends or a therapist.", "response": "\n\n10\n\nAND IF IT DOESNT GO THE WAY YOU PLANNED?\n\nWe believe that if you never ever ever have a scene go haywire, with unexpected physical or emotional consequences, you may not be taking enough risks. After all, the reason most of us do S/M is to explore territories that we find a little risky and challenging; if youre sticking so close to the center of the trail that you never get lost in the woods, you may want to reconsider your pathway.\n\nThe standard by which tops should be judged isnt in whether their scenes ever go wrong (within, of course, basic standards of safety and consent); its in how well they handle it when things do go wrong. So lets talk a bit about the kinds of things that cause problems in scenes, and how you can handle them when they come up.\n\nEMOTIONAL GLITCHES. In our experience, by far the most common scene mishap is an unforeseen emotional reaction on the part of a participant \u2013 panic, anger, grief, regression or other intense emotion. Freak-outs happen for a variety of reasons: flashbacks to buried memories of abuse or trauma; one or another partner \"forgetting\" that the scene is supposed to be playful and consensual, and getting the role and the reality confused; real-world emotion inadvertently sneaking into scene space: the possibilities are manifold.\n\nThere is no way to reliably prevent emotional mishaps, but there are ways to minimize their frequency. Nobody knows themselves well enough to predict all their own reactions and hot buttons, but telling your partner about aspects of your background or belief system will help him or her to steer clear or navigate cautiously. (Yes, were off on that old honesty thing again.) Similarly, you should try to play with people who you trust to share this kind of information openly with you, so you dont cavalierly snap your snazzy new Smith and Wesson handcuffs onto someone who was recently brutalized by an abusive cop. (This doesnt mean you should never play around someones traumas, but it does mean you should do so only with proper negotiation, safeguards and cautions \u2013 see Chapter 14 for more information.)\n\nStill, with all the good intentions and good negotiations in the world, freak-outs will happen. And your first challenge as a top is to figure out when theyre happening, which may not always be as easy as it seems. Someone whos freaking out may be unable to use their safeword, so you cant rely on that signpost. A sudden and dramatic change in response \u2013 when someone whos been thrashing and screaming suddenly gets quiet and still, or someone whos been acting happy and turned on suddenly begins to cry or struggle \u2013 is cause for concern. So is an unwillingness or inability to respond to simple questions or directions. A freak-out may be subtler than that\u2026 Janet remembers:\n\n> I was doing a scene with a regular but still fairly new play partner \u2013 basically a straightforward cock &ball torture scene, although wed been discussing beforehand his fantasy about being a captive soldier getting tortured by an Indian maiden. Things were going along fine for an hour or so. I noticed at one point, though, that he had turned his head so that we were no longer making eye contact, and he didnt seem to be talking much. I asked, \"Are you still with me?\" and he responded in sort of an odd voice, \"Im not sure\u2026\" so I got him out of the bondage fast. Later, he explained that the fantasy had started to seem real to him \u2013 he was really beginning to believe that he was going to be tortured slowly to death \u2013 and that any safewords or similar communication would have been perceived by his \"torturer\" as a sign of weakness, so all he dared do was turn his head and hope that if it really was still me, Id notice.\n\nUnfortunately, most of the signs that something has gone wrong can, under other circumstances or with other bottoms, be signs that everything is going exactly right: some bottoms love to cry in scene, and a bottom whos left his or her body in bliss acts pretty much like one whos withdrawn in terror. So to find out whats going on, you have to ask.\n\nFirst, try one of the check-ins we mentioned in the previous chapter. If your bottom cant or wont respond, you should probably assume that hes in trouble.\n\nYour strategy now will be a stronger version of the decompression you use at the end of a scene. First, get out of role yourself \u2013 your bottom doesnt need a schoolmistress right now, he needs a friend. Quickly and calmly remove any bondage or restraints; find out if he wants any scene symbols such as collars removed \u2013 some bottoms want them off right away, while others may feel rejected and abandoned if you remove them. Make sure he is physically warm \u2013 being wrapped in a cozy blanket feels very good to someone whos feeling emotionally chaotic.\n\nThen, just put your arms around your partner and wait. Dont try to initiate conversation at first unless he seems to want to talk; let your bottom come back from whatever scary or angry or sad place hes in at an appropriate pace. It may be difficult at this point to suppress your own need for reassurance \u2013 you may, quite understandably, be feeling very scared and guilty \u2013 but now isnt the time to take care of you, its the time to take care of your bottom. Later, when he is feeling better, you can get some support for yourself.\n\nAs the bottom starts to come back, he may want to talk about what went wrong, or he may just want to be taken care of some more. Supplying a snack to elevate blood sugar and a beverage to rehydrate is very smart. He might want to be put to bed to sleep off the stress of the freak-out, or to be given a nice warm bath.\n\nIn a few cases, the bottom may have gone into an angry enough place that he isnt able to accept touch or conversation or nurturing from you at all. This will probably be very difficult for you to handle without tapping into anger or defensiveness of your own. Leave the room for a while if necessary and let your bottom work through the anger solo; dont push limits here. After a while, you can check in and see if he is calmed down a bit and ready to accept some help from you.\n\nIt is possible that an emotional mishap in scene may open up an old wound that is deep enough to require professional help from a therapist. While we do not believe that you have an obligation to help with the financial burdens of such therapy, we think its appropriate for you to be as emotionally supportive as possible for a friend who is doing this difficult work.\n\nPHYSICAL MISHAPS. Unless you have aim like Annie Oakleys and you play only with bottoms who are in perfect health, it is reasonable to be prepared for physical problems to come up during your scene. These may range from strokes that land off-target or clamps that get placed on tender nerves to heart attacks and seizures.\n\nIf the physical problem is due to a mistake of yours, the way to handle it depends on the flavor of the scene youre playing. Its imperative, though, that you acknowledge the mistake somehow \u2013 if the bottom thinks youre not aware that you goofed, she will start to wonder what else youre not noticing, and to withdraw trust from you.\n\nIf youre simply exploring sensations together, theres nothing at all wrong with saying \"Oops!\" or \"Sorry!\" But if youre supposed to be an all-knowing mistress or a terrifying interrogator, this wont cut it. Sometimes, simply putting your hand on the place where the mistake happened and giving a quick comforting rub is enough to let the bottom know that youre aware things didnt feel the way they were supposed to. If youre really playing a mean role, you might try a phrase like \"Yes, that did hurt, didnt it?\" (Maniacal laughter is optional.)\n\nIf you make too many mistakes, or theyre too serious, the bottom may want to stop the scene \u2013 and who can blame her? Spend a lot of time with this bottom deciding how to process your mistakes and whether or not to use this technique again, today or ever. Then get in a lot of practice time with the technique, on yourself or on an inanimate object, so you dont make so many mistakes next time.\n\nIf the mistake is such that it requires first aid, dont try to stay in role \u2013 stop the scene and get your first aid kit. The two of you can decide together whether or not to resume the scene from where you left off.\n\nRemember, the unwritten contract you make when you agree to top someone is that you will take care of her well-being as well as your own for the duration of the scene \u2013 if she gets sick or hurt, youre in charge, and good tops take that responsibility seriously. Very rarely, you will encounter a genuine physical emergency in your scene: common ones include nausea and/or vomiting, faints and falls; less common ones (thank heavens!) include seizures and heart attacks. A responsible top is prepared for these emergencies.\n\nDont put someone into standing bondage unless you know how you would get her down if she became faint \u2013 this is not too rare an occurrence. Panic snaps and winches can help. Keep appropriate shears, scissors or a knife at arms reach so that you can cut a sick person out of her bondage in no more than 30 seconds to a minute. Know the location and phone number of your nearest emergency room. We also strongly encourage you to get proper first aid and cardiopulmonary resuscitation training. Some major urban areas offer pervert-only first aid and CPR training, but even if yours doesnt, contact the Red Cross and take one or more of their regular classes.\n\nOUTSIDE-WORLD EMERGENCIES. We know of one scene in which the top, a professional dominant, had her client tied in elaborate spiderweb bondage to a table, with a big glass mirror suspended overhead so he could see his own helplessness. Both the top and the bottom shortly had the opportunity to explore more helplessness than theyd bargained for \u2013 the Loma Prieta quake hit, the mirror began to lurch back and forth, and the lights went out. (Both of them got out okay \u2013 but we hear that the pro-dommes playroom now features a Mylar mirror overhead, a blackout light in the outlet, and a pair of paramedic shears hanging on the wall.)\n\nThe outside world doesnt always cooperate with your desire for a quiet, intense, uninterrupted scene, and a competent top is aware that reality sneaks up on us in unpredictable ways. Outside-world problems range from interruptions by non-scene folks \u2013 kids, parents, housemates, neighbors and so on \u2013 through \"acts of god/dess\" like fires, storms, earthquakes and power outages.\n\nIf your scene gets interrupted by a person, some quick explanations are in order. A child who walks in on his or her parents scene can often be reassured with a comparison to childhood games such as cowboys and Indians. The neighborhood cop, however, may need some serious briefing on basic standards of consent, and a lot of assurance that what hes seeing isnt abusive or assaultive behavior. Kidnap and similar scenes occasionally get interrupted by well-meaning onlookers \u2013 try to do your scene in a way that avoids this problem, since you dont want someone genuinely attacking you thinking theyre heroically saving your bottom from criminal assault.\n\nIf the interruption is on a less personal basis \u2013 say, Hurricane Dora \u2013 youll have to think and act fast and accurately. Be prepared to undo bondage, and have clothing available for yourself and your bottom. Remember, your bottom has entrusted his wellbeing to you.\n\nAFTERSHOCKS (NOT THE SEISMIC KIND)\n\nWhen you return to everyday awareness after even a very good scene, you could get a little shocked. What did you just do? Was it all right? Many tops experience feelings of guilt, shame and horror that we could get so turned on, and so satisfied, by doing such awful things. You may need to reassure yourself that you are really an okay person, and that you have perfectly functional boundaries to your dark side. Let your bottom help you with this: she, after all, is eroticized to your nastiness, and in a good position to reassure you that the scene was consensual, safe, satisfying to the bottom, and just plain hot.\n\nAnywhere from a few minutes to a day or two after a big scene, some tops experience \"top drop.\" You may feel down in the dumps, inadequate, like maybe the scene really wasnt as hot as you thought it was \u2013 sometimes being a successful top can pose a major challenge to the maintenance of low self-esteem, so whatever part of you is responsible for maintaining your self-doubt may feel a need to be heard. You may find yourself questioning your sanity, tearing your scene apart with a tremendously critical eye, or convincing yourself that your bottom was just being polite when she was swooning in ecstasy. Or you may just feel kind of used up, low and tired.\n\nThis happens to a lot of us (it happens to bottoms, too, in a different way), so think of it like postpartum depression: you were just really high, so now the pendulum has swung the other way\u2026 and it will get back to the middle soon, really it will. This might be a good time to remind yourself of your respect for limits and safety, and to call your bottom or any other friend for a little reassurance.\n\nComing out of a role that is in any way parental (and how many top roles are not?) may be particularly difficult, as you may wake up internalized messages from your actual parents. When you get self-critical you may feel like a little kid who did something wrong \u2013 which makes it harder to stay centered, grounded and empowered.\n\nOccasionally playing parents or bullies can open up old stuff inside you that you may not even remember having buried years ago. Memories and feelings from childhood traumas can cause particular problems, manifesting as memories you never had before, or recollections of body sensations, or disturbing dreams. If this starts happening to you, consider finding a good therapist. When events in the present open up fossilized conflicts, we all perceive this as confusing, painful or perhaps frightening. Please remember that when old wounds open it means a buried part of ourselves is now available to our consciousness, so there is an opportunity for healing, by knowing ourselves better and reclaiming parts of ourselves we may have had to abandon long ago.\n"}
-{"input": " Write a guide for BDSM practitioners on selecting and maintaining toys for their play. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The range of toy collections, from nothing at all to vast accumulations occupying several rooms.\n2. The importance of choosing toys appropriate to one's play style and level of experience.\n3. A list of basic toys for a beginner, including rope, restraints, blindfolds, collars, clamps, candles, soft floggers, slappers or jockey bats, sex toys, and safer sex supplies.\n4. More advanced toys, such as helplessness toys, striking toys, pinching toys, poking toys, temperature play toys, and toys that zap.\n5. The special risks associated with electricity play.\n6. The importance of maintaining toys properly, including cleaning and inspecting them for damage.\n7. Tips for traveling with toys, including considerations for air travel and customs.\n8. The importance of prioritizing skill, creativity, character, and ethics over the size of one's toy collection.", "response": "\n\n11\n\nTOYS FOR TOPS\n\nTops toy collections can range from nothing at all \u2013 its possible to do excellent S/M using nothing but your body and your imagination \u2013 through vast accumulations occupying several rooms of a household. Choosing toys that are appropriate to your play style and level of experience is a craft in itself: a classic novices error is to choose hideous nasty vicious toys that no bottom in his right mind would allow an inexperienced top to use.\n\nIn cookbooks, kitchen equipment is known as the batterie de cuisine: a beginning cook is given a list of tools and supplies to start with, and a supplementary list of stuff to acquire later on for the master chef. We will do the same.\n\nA BASIC TOY SELECTION\n\nThese basic toys are a \"starter set\"; we think theyre the best tools to go out and buy as you begin your toy collection. Very few of them are likely to cost you more than $40 or so, and if youre on a budget, you can often figure out less expensive alternatives that you can create from household supplies or find at the thrift store, supermarket or hardware store. So, to get you started, we recommend:\n\nROPE. Choose something soft, washable and at least 3/8\" thick; finish the ends with a piece of tape or stitch them with thread so they wont fray. Some folks swear by cotton magicians rope or soft nylon rope from the hardware store. Marine supply stores and mountain-climbing stores offer an enormous selection of excellent rope in different sizes, textures and colors. If youre just getting started, try 12-foot lengths of several different kinds and experiment with which you like best. Once you settle on one or two kinds, youll probably want at least four 12-foot lengths; youll probably want to add a couple of shorter or longer lengths once you learn more about what kinds of bondage you like to do.\n\nRESTRAINTS. Unless youre very clever with knots, youll find that a set of bondage cuffs for the wrists, and ideally a second set for the ankles, are a good investment. Try them on yourself before buying; tug the rings in all different directions to see if anything digs in or chafes, or if the cuff twists out of shape. Leather is nice if you can afford it, but there are good cuffs of nylon webbing which are strong and cheap. We dont recommend handcuffs or metal cuffs for beginners.\n\nBLINDFOLD. The blindfold is a toy of such astonishing virtue that we had to set aside some space to talk about it. A blindfold can be a folded scarf or an Ace bandage, a nightshade from the drugstore or an elaborate leather mask from the toy store: no matter, they all work great.\n\nTo understand the power of the blindfold, try one on yourself. Feel the change in your state of consciousness, how quiet you become when you take away the busy distractions of sight, how your consciousness moves away from the verbal entrainment of thought, how time passes in an easy flow in the trance of sensory deprivation.\n\nIt is a powerful act to take away someones vision, to make him helpless, to make him dependent on you for most kinds of functioning. You can accentuate this feeling by taking your blindfolded bottom for a walk, or sending him to the bathroom in the darkness. Stay nearby, dont let your bottom fall.\n\nThere are practical advantages to blindfolding your bottom: then he cant see you fumble with the toys, or grab a clip to get your hair out of your eyes. We know a top who wears six-inch heels to tower over her bottoms, which she removes as soon as they cant see her anymore. So the blindfold offers privacy to the top, and relieves the bottom of the distractions of dealing with the material world. Check with your bottom before slipping on a blindfold, particularly if the two of you are new to one another \u2013 some bottoms find them too threatening for first-time play, and some need to take out their contact lenses first.\n\nBlindfolds help to focus the bottom on what you are doing. Be aware that when you take away one sense, all others become accentuated. The blindfolded bottom will listen carefully, trying to figure out what you are going to do next \u2013 you can make this harder by playing music, or making noises on purpose to awaken his or her imagination.\n\nTouch becomes triply intense for the blindfolded. Many tops try to maintain physical contact with a hand or a leg touching some part of the bottoms body at all times during the scene, while others may step back and let the bottom feel the abandonment of being blind and out of contact. Dont withdraw touch by accident \u2013 this is a powerful stimulus, and you want to stay purposeful with it. Dont leave a blindfolded person alone in a room where you cant watch over him.\n\nDossie recalls a scene at the first all-woman play party in San Francisco, where four tops requested her assistance because their bottom had gone all ticklish and couldnt stop giggling. Blindfold to the rescue! The bottom calmed down right away, and so did all her nervous tops.\n\nWe love blindfolds. Blindfolds are wonderful. Get one now.\n\nCOLLAR. If youre really not interested in dominance &submission or role-playing, you can skip this one, but weve found that many bottoms appreciate being collared as a way to start the scene and to go into bottom space. A nice dog collar from the pet store doesnt cost much. 20\" seems to work out about right unless you play with very large or muscular people. If you form an ongoing relationship with your submissive, buying him his own collar, rather than the \"generic\" one you keep in your toybag, can be a gesture of great symbolic weight.\n\nCLAMPS. Wooden clothespins from the hardware store, or plastic ones from the Asian grocery, are some of the cheapest, most versatile toys available. If youre a novice, you probably wont need more than six or so, although some advanced players enjoy playing with dozens or even hundreds of clamps. Clamps can go just about anywhere you can pinch up a fold of skin \u2013 breasts, chests, arms, legs, genitals, buttocks, backs and more (not near the eyes, please). Know that if you leave a clamp on for a few minutes, it will hurt a lot more when it comes off. Practice on your own hide to get the feel.\n\nCANDLES. Hot wax play offers a relatively safe way to explore some intense sensations. Use only plain white paraffin candles to start with \u2013 dyes and scents raise the melting temperature and can make the wax too hot for many bottoms. If paraffin feels too intense, a milder alternative is the candles that come in tall glasses, sometimes with religious pictures on the side, which melt at a very cool temperature. Beeswax has a skin-burningly high melting point and should be avoided. As a rule of thumb, the softer the candle, the cooler the melting point of the wax \u2013 but you should test any wax on yourself before you drip it onto your bottom. An ice cube used alternately with dribbles of hot wax can create very interesting sensations.\n\nSOFT FLOGGER. This is almost certainly going to be your biggest investment \u2013 but we find that more bottoms enjoy this sensation than any other, so if you can manage the $100-$150 such a toy is likely to cost, we encourage you to make the purchase. Shop at a store with clerks who can help you make a good selection. Try it on your thigh or arm, both softly and forcefully; you want something that gives a caressing, thuddy sensation, without too much sting or harshness; you may want to add other, harsher whips to your collection later. Such floggers are often made of suede, deerskin, elk, cabretta or buffalo hide. If youre short on cash and long on imagination, you can make an fine soft flogger by folding several lengths of soft rope in half, binding them together at the fold with tape or knots, and unraveling the ends, or by cutting strips from a discarded garment of soft suede or leather and folding them the same way. Practice with your flogger on a pillow, comforter or plush toy until you can consistently land the tips of the tails \u2013 the nastiest part \u2013 exactly where you aim them.\n\nSLAPPER OR JOCKEY BAT. If youre only going to choose one toy for smacking (as opposed to flogging), we think it should be either a leather slapper \u2013 a two-layered paddle made of stiff but flexible leather, which makes a very loud cracking noise but is unlikely to cause damage \u2013 or the short, broad-tipped riding crop called a \"jockey bat.\" In our opinion, the jockey bat looks hotter but the slapper feels better. Both are easy to control and give a sensation that many bottoms enjoy. If you use the jockey bat, hit with the tip only until you are much more experienced. Both toys are available in riding stores for $10 or so.\n\nSEX TOYS. If you want to get yourself and/or your bottom off, a good vibrator is a worthwhile investment. We prefer the plug-in or rechargeable kinds because their vibration is much stronger. If you play with bottoms who enjoy being vaginally or anally penetrated, you may want to add a dildo and/or butt plug as well. Anything used for penetration should first be covered with a condom, or else kept for one bottom.\n\nSAFER SEX SUPPLIES. Unless youre in a completely and consistently monogamous relationship, you should be putting latex or other barriers over anything that comes into contact with blood, semen, vaginal fluid, urine, feces and any other body fluids. Experiment with condoms until you find the ones you like (you may want some lubricated ones for penetration play and some unlubed ones for oral play). Get latex gloves in your size. Use dental dams or plastic wrap if you perform cunnilingus or have it performed on you. Try different water-based lubricants to see which you like; you may want to use a thinner, runnier lube for vaginal play and a thicker, gooier one for anal play. If you have trouble getting erect or getting off with a condom on, try masturbating with them until it feels easy and natural. Practice makes perfect.\n\nEMERGENCY SUPPLIES. Your basic toy kit should contain a pair of heavy-duty shears such as paramedics shears, or a blunt-tipped sharp knife that can be run under rope or restraints without poking the bottoms skin. You will also need to think about dealing with power outages, and many dungeons are dark, so keep a flashlight handy.\n\nMORE ADVANCED TOYS\n\nAs you learn more play technique in general and develop your own specific style, you will probably want to collect more toys. Here are some of the ones we like:\n\nHELPLESSNESS TOYS. You can make your partner helpless with anything from \"pretend bondage\" (\"put your wrists behind your back and keep them there until I say you can move them\") through elaborate and expensive harnesses and body bags.\n\nYou can learn a lot about what kinds of helplessness you enjoy by experimenting with soft rope. If you find yourself attaching your partners wrists to her thighs over and over again, you might want to acquire a set of restraints made especially for that position. If a bottom with arms pulled tightly back and chest thrust forward turns you on (and you play with people flexible enough to sustain this difficult position), a \"mono-glove\" that laces arms together behind backs might be a good investment. Posture collars hold the head high and restrict head and shoulder movement\u2026 yum. A field trip to your local leather emporium, or a delightful evening spent browsing through one of the good mail order catalogs, will yield up many such tantalizing possibilities \u2013 save up your pennies!\n\nYou can also make your partner helpless by taking away some of his or her senses. Blindfolds, as we noted earlier, boost sensation and sharpen focus. Earplugs cost almost nothing and help muffle sound but dont block it entirely; \"noise-canceling\" headphones eliminate background noise almost completely. Hoods of spandex or leather encase the entire head, taking away the bottoms sight, smells, much of his hearing, even the feel of air currents on his face.\n\nGags require special care in selection \u2013 a too-large gag can leave a bottom with a sore jaw, or even choke him if it holds his mouth open too far for comfortable swallowing. The part that goes into the mouth must be firmly attached to the part that goes around the head so the bottom cannot swallow or inhale it. Janet prefers a gag that absorbs saliva, such as a square scarf folded diagonally with a large firm knot tied in the middle. Other tops like ball gags (many commercial ones are too large for the mouths of smaller bottoms, so you may have to make your own) or \"bit\"-type gags that place a leather bar in the bottoms mouth. No gag can stop a bottom from making any noise at all \u2013 grunts and muffled screams will still emerge, so dont count on your gag enabling you to do heavy pain play while Mom dozes lightly in the next room.\n\nFor complete helplessness and immobilization, many tops like to use some combination of kitchen-type plastic wrap or pallet wrap, plus sticky tape and, perhaps, a few sports bandages. With these few simple supplies, you can mummify a bottom so firmly that he cant move a muscle and cant even feel her own skin. (Dehydration is a danger here \u2013 give your bottom water with a sports bottle or baby bottle, and dont play this game in an overly warm or cold room.) You can carefully cut holes so you can get to the bottoms skin in those special places.\n\nYou may want to add some things for attaching people to in your bedroom or play space. An old-fashioned four-poster or brass bed is \"deniable\" and useful. Eyebolts in ceilings and walls can be explained away as \"for plant hangers\" when the folks come to visit \u2013 if youre not absolutely certain of your ability to center an eyebolt in a joist or stud, get professional help. Ottomans and \"kneeling chairs\" convert readily into spanking horses, and a little imagination and carpentry will enable you to create bondage equipment that can be shoved into a closet or under the bed when youre not playing.\n\nOf course, the more helpless you make your bottom, the more responsible you are for his or her well-being. If your bottom is in bondage, dont go out of earshot; if shes gagged as well, dont leave the room. When youve made someone as helpless as an infant, take care of him or her as carefully as you would an infant.\n\nTOYS FOR HITTING. Oooh, our favorites. Striking toys can be found in the supermarket, the hardware store, the stationery store, antique stores, tack shops \u2013 even, if youre feeling perverse, leather stores.\n\nA common way of describing the sensation of a toy is to talk about \"thud\" and \"sting\" \u2013 most bottoms prefer one or the other. The sting-to-thud ratio of any striking toy depends mostly on its proportion of weight to breadth. You can learn this particular bottoms preference either by asking, or by trying a bit of each and watching her reaction.\n\nWith striking toys, like any other toy, its very important to start slow and work your way up. While a few bottoms enjoy the challenge of fast buildup or even no warmup at all, theyre the exception \u2013 and any bottom can go a lot further if properly warmed up.\n\nThings that are basically broad, stiff and flat fall under the general subcategory of \"paddles.\" Paddles are most often made of leather, which is relatively flexible and stingy, or of wood, which is stiff and more thuddy. Hairbrushes and wooden spoons, traditional spanking implements, are basically small paddles and are actually quite harsh, beyond many folks limits. If you prowl antique stores you can sometimes find old fraternity paddles, which are vicious, or novelty paddles with corny sayings on them, which are embarrassing. Make sure your paddle has no harsh edges or corners which can cut or abrade. Paddles with holes are hot to look at and hurt a lot, but are far more likely to break or blister skin than smooth paddles.\n\nLong flat flexible striking toys fall under the broad category of \"straps.\" Its relatively easy to find good straps outside leather stores \u2013 an old, soft, well-worn, broad leather belt from the 60s is a thrift store treasure. Tack shops and antique stores (watch for leather razor strops in good condition) are also good places to find straps. The sound of a top pulling her belt out of its loops and doubling it up is delightfully scary. But be extra-cautious in negotiating play with straps \u2013 they are commonly used by abusive parents and spouses, and are thus likelier than most other toys to trigger flashbacks to nonconsensual violence.\n\nYoull hear multi-tailed toys called \"cats,\" \"cat-o-nine-tails,\" \"flails\" and other names; well call them, generically, \"floggers.\" Floggers may have just a few tails (if there are only two, theyre usually called \"quirts\") or hundreds. They are most commonly made of leather, but weve seen nice ones made of rope, rubber and manmade materials as well. Braided tails are nasty, tails with knots nastier yet. Some floggers are made of the gentlest, most sensual suede or deerskin, others of tough harsh hide. Try a potential flogger on yourself \u2013 or, better yet, have a trusted friend give you some strokes with it \u2013 before you buy it if possible, and certainly before you use it on somebody else.\n\nLong thin stiff rods fall under the category of \"canes.\" Bottoms mostly either love canes fanatically or hate them passionately \u2013 they hurt a lot, and the pain comes in two waves, one when the cane strikes, and another a few moments later when the tissue decompresses. Classically, canes are made of rattan, often varnished. Rattan canes need to be soaked regularly to maintain their weight and flexibility \u2013 use salt water to avoid mildew. Rattan canes feel wonderful, but are hard to clean if they come in contact with blood, plasma or other body fluids \u2013 so we also often see canes made of manmade materials like fiberglass and Delrin. Cane sluts (like us) like to have several of each kind, in various lengths, breadths, and flexibilities.\n\nBullwhips, blacksnakes and signal whips are called \"single-tailed whips,\" and are for use only by genuine experts. The \"crack\" these whips can make is actually the sound of the tip breaking the sound barrier \u2013 thats how fast they travel, and how dangerous they can be. A single-tailed whip can tear flesh. If you havent practiced assiduously on inanimate objects for a long time, dont even think about using one on a human being.\n\nTOYS FOR PINCHING. While you can do perfectly wonderful S/M with nothing but a bag of wooden clothespins, players who love the slow buildup and cathartic release of wearing and removing clamps often collect many different kinds (one bottom we know has a box the size of a small suitcase that contains nothing but clips and clamps). The classic place to apply clamps is on the nipples, but a fair percentage of bottoms find that particular type of pain difficult to handle \u2013 others adore it, so you have to ask. Clamps also work well just about anywhere on the body where you can grab a pinch of skin and slip on a clamp. Occasionally a clamp gets put on a place that is truly intolerable, perhaps on top of a nerve; it is entirely reasonable for a bottom to ask to have such a clamp moved, maybe only half an inch or so. Some clamps, such as Japanese clovers, tighten when you pull on them. Others have teeth or ridges that bite. One thing that all clamps have in common is that they hurt the most coming off, and the longer theyve been on, the more they hurt on removal \u2013 be prepared for a yelp or jump from your bottom. Plan your timing; clamp removal after orgasm is much harder to handle. If youre being nice, remove the clamp gently and gradually\u2026 if youre being mean (and if its not toothed or ridged), yank it off. You can also string several non-toothed clamps at intervals along a cord so that you can yank them all off at once \u2013 this is called a \"zipper,\" and delivers a serious jolt of pain and a major flood of endorphins.\n\nTOYS FOR POKING. Poky feelings may come from something sharp being pressed into the skin, or from something sharp actually being pressed through the skin.\n\nIf you dont want to break skin, bamboo skewers (like for shish kabob) poke beautifully \u2013 a blindfolded bottom may think youre piercing him (fun for mindfuck). A Wartenburg wheel, used by neurologists, is a small wheel with very sharp spokes on the end of a handle; you run it along the skin like a pizza cutter. Yeowch!\n\nPlay that actually breaks skin is to be done only by experienced tops or under the supervision of an experienced top. Play piercings, typically done with disposable hypodermic needles or sterilized acupuncture needles, involve inserting needles just below the surface of the skin and back out again \u2013 not for the permanent insertion of jewelry, but just for the sensation of being pierced. Cuttings, properly placed no deeper than a cat scratch, are usually done with a sterile scalpel. Some players rub ash or tattoo ink into a decorative cutting to make a permanent mark. There is no way to guarantee that a play piercing or cutting wont scar, so be aware that it might and refrain from graffiti.\n\nTOYS THAT HEAT OR COOL. Temperature offers a powerful range of sensations. We mentioned hot wax and ice cubes earlier, but theyre worth noting again here, since theyre such simple and versatile toys. A bottom may find it impossible to distinguish between extreme heat and extreme cold \u2013 weve heard of scenes in which a top convinces a blindfolded bottom that hes about to be branded, then presses an ice cube into his flesh.\n\nSome folks enjoy playing with \"chemical heat\" from spicy oils like cinnamon or peppermint, or from commercial concoctions like Ben Gay or Tiger Balm. It takes only a tiny bit of any of these to create a strong sensation, particularly on mucous membranes like cunts or assholes \u2013 start with the tiniest dab, and give the heat several minutes to build before you consider adding more. If you use too much and your bottom cant handle it, apply a lot of anything oily \u2013 vaseline, cold cream, even vegetable oil or butter from the kitchen \u2013 to the affected area to dilute the chemical, then send your victim to the shower to suds it off with shampoo.\n\nThe ultimate temperature play is branding. Like piercing and cutting, branding is to be done only by very experienced tops. The way its done on TV westerns, or in \"The Story of O,\" does not work on people-hide the way it does on cowhide \u2013 learn from an expert before you even consider exploring branding. Brands nearly always leave scars.\n\nTOYS THAT ZAP. Electricity play is a fairly specialized play style with some special risks. The impulses that tell your bottoms heart when to beat are electrical, and you most definitely do not want to confuse those impulses \u2013 so a general rule for electricity play is \"never above the waist.\" We also think its better not to do electricity play with a bottom who has a heart condition, and to be extremely cautious about using it on or near piercings.\n\nWithin those rules, though, there is still room for fun. Many folks who like electricity use TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) devices, a medical gadget used to help relieve chronic pain, for sensations ranging from extremely mild through moderately strong. Some manufacturers have modified TENS units for scene play and created specialized attachments \u2013 butt plugs and cock rings and such \u2013 a big investment but very pleasant to play with. Relaxacisors (a quackish weight-loss gadget from the 40s and 50s) deliver a stronger sensation. Tasers and cattle prods are extremely strong, too much so for most players \u2013 we dont recommend them unless your bottom is in good health and both of you have had lots of experience with less intense forms of electricity play.\n\nA special case is the \"violet wand\" \u2013 another medical device, once thought to help with such problems as baldness. The violet wand delivers a different form of electricity that stays primarily on the surface of the skin, so its the only electricity toy thats considered safe for use above the waist, although you should keep it away from the eyes. The sensation feels a bit like the shock you get from walking across a wool carpet and touching a doorknob, except it goes on and on and\u2026. Again, a big investment, but the folks who love these really love them.\n\nTOYS FOR TURNING ON AND GETTING OFF. While many people play without genital sex, were strong advocates for having as much sex as possible \u2013 so our toy collections tend to include lots of gadgets for getting people aroused and giving them orgasms.\n\nDildoes and butt plugs give bottoms (and tops!) that wonderful filled-up feeling that makes orgasms so much more worthwhile. Assholes in particular do not take well to being harshly stretched \u2013 insert plugs and such only after plenty of preparatory finger play, v-e-r-y gradually and gently, and dont go for the Guinness book on plug size unless you know your bottom can handle it. Use lots and lots and lots and lots of lube (one top we know says \"If there isnt lube dripping from the ceiling, you havent used enough\"). If anything burns or creates a sharp or tearing pain, stop immediately \u2013 either fix the situation thats causing the pain, or move on to another activity. Butt toys need to have a wide flange at the bottom so they dont get lost in the rectum \u2013 a lost toy is at best uncomfortable and embarrassing, and at worst a serious emergency.\n\nVaginas are less picky about what gets inserted in them, although scrupulous cleanliness is essential for anything that goes into a vagina. Still, the sensation of being hurt or bumped deep inside is not erotic to most women. We suggest that if you like to play with dildoes and other insertables, you acquire a few different sizes and shapes, and keep track of which bottoms like which \u2013 or, better yet, encourage your bottoms to own their own dildoes that are exactly the size and shape they like, and that get used only on them.\n\nToys can give you genitals other than the ones nature gave you. If you have a vagina, you can strap on a penis, or insert one into yourself and still have one left over for a friend. If you want a bigger or harder penis, open the drawer and take one out. Ever wish you had a penis on your leg, or your face? Or that you could have two penises, one for each hole? Use your imagination \u2013 and your MasterCard.\n\nCocks like constriction. Those veins we see on the outside of a penis are the exit path for the blood that makes erections; the arteries that bring the blood in are buried deep inside. Many men find that when you constrict from the outside, with, for instance, a cock ring, or some bondage made with thin rope, or a few condoms, the amount of blood in the cock increases \u2013 and so does the erection. Some men also love the sensation of having their balls pulled away from the body, and tops who play with such men often stock special devices called \"parachutes\" and weights for this purpose \u2013 heavy brass bells are particularly charming, although Janet once improvised a ball weight from a tube sock and a jar of pennies. Although we lack the proper equipment to confirm these reports, we are told such activities feel good. We are told this appreciatively. Enthusiastically. Loudly.\n\nOwn lots of lube. Yes, good water-based lube is expensive \u2013 but you paid more for that half-gallon of premium ice cream you polished off last week, and we bet you didnt enjoy it half as much. Lube is important for good sex and essential for good safer sex. Dont be stingy.\n\nTOYS FOR ROLE-PLAYING. For tops and bottoms, every day can be Halloween. Role-playing doesnt have to involve specialized toys or costumes \u2013 imagination and creativity can certainly suffice \u2013 but we think half the fun of a role-playing scene is the trip to the thrift store beforehand. (Well, maybe a quarter of the fun.)\n\nIf you play with one role a lot, you may want to consider getting toys, props and costumes appropriate to that role. Daddies may wear big threatening leather belts. Bitch goddesses lace themselves into shiny tight corsets and spike-heeled shoes. Interrogators and rapists hide their features with masks or hoods. Pirates wear high boots and dashing shirts. Schoolmistresses have long frumpy skirts and high-necked blouses and whippy scary canes. If you like to train puppies, youll need collars and bowls and rolled-up newspapers; if you prefer ponies, get some bridles and crops and maybe an insertable tail or two.\n\nYour role-playing costumes and props serve a dual function: they help you and your bottoms get into the mood when youre actually playing, and they signal your particular role interest to potential bottoms. So get yourself over to the thrift store or costume shop and have fun!\n\nTOYS FOR THE ROAD\n\nUnless youre prepared to haul a steamer trunk along to every play date (and some tops do exactly that), youll probably want to think about developing a portable toy kit.\n\nOf course, \"portable\" is relative. Both of us usually use a softball bag from the sporting goods store for carrying our toys to parties and demonstrations. But we also like to be able to drop a few small toys into our purses, just in case. \n\nOne player we know uses a small zippered bag, about 8\" x 10\" x 3\", for his portable toybag. It contains a couple of lengths of rope, a mini-whip made of four leather thongs folded in half and rubber-banded together at the fold (which can also be disassembled if he or his partner wants to use the thongs individually), and a few clothespins. Safer sex is taken care of with several latex gloves in his size, a few condoms and some individual-sized packets of lubricant. Emergency supplies include a small flashlight and a pair of paramedics shears. Theres still plenty of room left over for whatever specialized small equipment he wants for any particular session \u2013 a lightweight collar, a small tube of hot cream, a mini-vibrator, a cock ring or whatever.\n\nIf youre traveling by air \u2013 and especially through customs \u2013 youll have to do some serious thinking about what to take with you. For domestic travel, bags that get checked through as luggage arent usually inspected closely, although these days random searches are much more common than they were when we wrote the first edition of this book. If you carry your bag onto the plane, it will be inspected \u2013 if youre carrying anything they think is dangerous, which typically includes all sharp objects, heavy striking objects like clubs and chains, and many whips, theyll take it away from you and you wont get it back. We suggest either checking your toys or having a freight service ship them ahead of you.\n\nCustoms agents for overseas travel may be very cool about your toys \u2013 or not. Weve heard some scary stories. If youre traveling to a very conservative or sex-negative country, we think you should probably stick to toys that have real-world uses: clothesline, clothespins, hairbrushes, belts, candles and so on.\n\nConsider shipping any toys you buy overseas home separately. On the other hand, on her first trip to Germany Dossie packed no toys and no studded clothes, only to discover a leather store right in the Frankfurt airport. If you have a friendly travel agent, she may be able to advise you further about whether youre likely to get hassled.\n\nMAINTAINING TOYS\n\nWell-maintained toys are clean, free of breakage or flaws, and a joy to use. Poorly maintained toys can cause injury and spread disease, and signal to the world that youre a sloppy top who doesnt care about your bottoms. You wouldnt go to a play date with dirty hair and smelly armpits; your toys deserve at least as much attention as your body does.\n\nAny toy that you suspect has come into contact with body fluids needs to be cleaned \u2013 and if youre not positive that it hasnt, clean it again. Rubber toys, metal toys and toys of manmade materials like silicone and plastic can be lightly handwashed using a cleanser like Hibiclens and warm water, then soaked for half an hour in a solution of one part household chlorine bleach to nine parts water. Leather toys should be cleaned using leather cleaner, left to air-dry for at least a day, then reconditioned, before being used on another bottom. The exact technique will depend on the type of leather; you can check with the store or craftsperson that sold it to you. Toys made of plant materials like rattan and wood should be varnished if they are likely to come into contact with various bottoms body fluids. If such a toy gets fluids on it, clean it thoroughly with nonoxynol-9-containing toy cleanser, or with soap and water and then a liberal wipe of hydrogen peroxide. I, then rinse thoroughly (some people have sensitive skins that may be irritated by such chemicals). If you suspect that the fluids may have gotten under the varnish, sand the varnish off, do the soap-water-peroxide thing, let it dry thoroughly, then re-varnish it. Its a good idea to let any toy that is difficult to clean dry thoroughly, in the sunlight if possible, for a few weeks before using it on a different person.\n\nInspect all your toys frequently for cracks, weak spots, raveled stitching, etc. If you find a problem, fix it promptly, and if you dont have time right then, set the toy aside where it cant possibly get mixed up with the toys you might use. If a toy cant be repaired, discard it.\n\nPlay-test bondage equipment and eyebolts periodically by having someone heavy try them out. If something seems creaky or wobbly, fix it before you play with it again.\n\nSOME FINAL THOUGHTS ON TOYS\n\nAs the old saying goes, \"Size doesnt matter\" \u2013 toybag size, that is. No knowledgeable bottom judges a top on how many toys he has. Tops get judged on their skill, creativity, character and ethics, not on their stuff.\n\nIf youre a \"gear queer\" who enjoys collecting dozens or hundreds of cool toys, and youre not bankrupting yourself to do it, we applaud you \u2013 we love beautiful toys, own a lot ourselves, and have friends whose collections are practically museum-quality. Youre also helping to keep our leatherworker friends, a vital link in the community, busy creating instruments of joy. But dont forget: your partner is bottoming to you, not your toys\u2026 and thats exactly the way you want it, right?\n"}
-{"input": " Write a personal account of a first-time topping experience for a seasoned bottom in a polyamorous relationship with two experienced dominants. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The background of the narrator's S/M experiences, including a recent breakup and the resumption of play with an ex-partner, as well as a relationship with a professional dominatrix.\n2. The emotional complexity and erotic tension between the three individuals, leading to the decision to engage in a group scene.\n3. The narrator's initial fear and uncertainty about the scene, followed by a newfound desire to top both of their partners.\n4. The use of role-playing and negotiation during a dinner out, with the narrator asking explicit and intrusive questions to gauge their partners' boundaries and interests.\n5. The setting of the scene at the dominatrix's home, among the toys they had been discussing earlier in the day.\n6. The narrator's specific actions and instructions during the scene, including having their partners undress each other, serve refreshments, and engage in sexual activities on command.\n7. The physical characteristics and preferences of one of the partners, and how the narrator accommodated these in the scene.\n8. The narrator's emotional response to topping for the first time, including feelings of triumph, power, and self-sufficiency.\n9. The ongoing impact of this experience on the narrator's S/M practices, and their continued enjoyment of both topping and bottoming roles.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 4\n\nA first-time topping scene played by a bottom and her friends.\n\nThis scene happened not long after I came out into S/M. I had broken up with my first S/M partner, Rick, a few months previously, and with great care and some trepidation, we had recently resumed our play relationship, with no intention of becoming partners again. Our preferred roles in scene, he the ravishing top, me the helpless bottom, fit together just about perfectly, and indeed, after this story we continued to play as friends for another nine years.\n\nAt that time I was also playing with a professional dominatrix named Celia, an intimidating relationship for me, since she had so much more experience and seemed so free and confident in her S/M. I was quite overawed.\n\nOne afternoon the three of us got together to videotape a discussion of S/M that we hoped would be useful information for people who didnt understand our sexual practices. After a few hours of talking about sex and play, the erotic tension began to mount and it became clear that all three of us wanted to play together.\n\nYou would think that a greedy girl like me would be a happy little piglet at the thought of bottoming to both of my tops, but in fact I was terrified. The emotional connections between the three of us were complicated and tender, and I could not figure out how this scene would work.\n\nWe went out for dinner, and it was there that a new vision came to me, a desire I had never before felt. I started topping both of them. Fussed over how they lit my cigarettes, felt them up under the table, sent Rick to the bathroom with a conspicuous erection. The restaurant was in the gay part of town, and the waiters understood perfectly well what was going on, and indeed, helped out by exaggerating the formality of the service and waiting patiently while Celia made sure my plate was perfectly arranged, while she pretended she was not affected by my foot exploring her crotch, again under the table. Both she and Rick were startled but eager to encourage my new behavior. I felt excited and curiously confident, as if I had entered a trance in which it was clear that nothing could go wrong.\n\nDuring dinner Rick and Celia, amazed, stayed very quiet. I kept the conversation going by asking intrusive questions: \"How does your cunt feel right now?\" \"Is your ass clean for me?\" This is my rude and toppish version of negotiation: I make threats, the bottom(s) indicate acquiescence or limits in their responses. For instance: \"My cunt is throbbing and eager for you, Maam.\" \"My asshole is a little sore from last night, I might have to offer it slowly and carefully.\"\n\nBack at Celias place, the toys were all still spread out for the show and tell part of our video. We had been talking about them all afternoon, so I had a good idea of what might interest either of them, and where limits might be found. I made them take each others clothes off \u2013 slowly. I interrupted from time to time to slow them down even further, instructing them to get each other as turned on as they could while each article of clothing was removed.\n\nThen I had Celia remove my panties, again slowly and sensuously, very seductive on her knees in front of me. I had to punish her for getting too eager about sniffing my cunt, slapping her upturned face while she promised to behave herself. I told her to do nothing she was not told to do.\n\nI sent her off to the kitchen for refreshments while I had Rick clear the bed and lay the toys out as I liked them. Celia served tea very prettily, on her knees, careful to give me just the right amount of sugar and cream.\n\nRick was endowed with a dick as big around as my wrist, and long enough to make taking all of it in somewhat of a challenge. He also needed to fuck quite vigorously for a long time to get off. (Its a very good thing that we like challenges.) So the meat of the scene, if youll pardon the expression, consisted of me ordering Rick to fuck Celia, with me counting cadence, ordering them to follow my rhythm, and turning them over and over so I could flog first one exposed ass and then the other. Later Celia told me she felt as if I was fucking her, and beating her, with Ricks huge cock. That archaic word from Victorian porn, \"bludgeon,\" constitutes an perfect description of the nature of the scene.\n\nHow did I feel? Triumphant. I hadnt known I had that in me. I felt powerful and sexy and on top of the world, or at least on top of my two lovers. And I felt a fulfillment of another part of myself, grateful to discover that I could top. I could do it myself, no longer totally dependent on the energy of someone else, no longer waiting impatiently for somebody else to manifest some desire, I could make a scene happen myself. Power! Freedom!\n\nAlthough my primary role in S/M continues to be the hapless bottom, wickedly tormented, I have never given up topping. And never will.\n"}
-{"input": " Write a comprehensive guide for new tops in the BDSM community. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The importance of seeking out a community and establishing connections with other experienced tops, bottoms, and switches.\n2. The potential pitfalls of focusing solely on finding bottoms, and the benefits of developing a broad range of skills and knowledge.\n3. The role of the Internet in connecting with the kink community, including websites, newsgroups, chatrooms, and private mailing lists.\n4. The advantages and disadvantages of virtual communities, such as anonymity, access to a wide range of information and perspectives, and the potential for miscommunication or harm.\n5. The value of attending munches, leather bars, and support groups to meet other kinksters and learn about the etiquette and customs of the community.\n6. Strategies for integrating diverse communities, specifically addressing the needs and concerns of people of color in predominantly white spaces.\n7. Tips for finding quality bottoms, including the importance of continuous learning, responsible behavior, and effective self-marketing.\n8. The challenges and opportunities of introducing BDSM into an existing relationship, with suggestions for broaching the subject and addressing potential concerns.\n9. Characteristics to look for in a bottom, such as responsibility, the ability to give as well as take, discretion, self-control, and supportiveness.", "response": "\n\n12\n\nFINDING OTHERS\n\nFIRST THINGS FIRST. Many tops make what we think is a big mistake \u2013 they set out looking for bottoms, maybe only for bottoms of a particular type.\n\nWhy is that a mistake, you ask? Well, because it takes a lot more than a bottom to be a top. It takes a set of techniques that will enable you to do what you do with skill and confidence. It takes a sense of the many ways BDSM can work out in real life, as opposed to the ideas youve probably encountered in fiction and videos. And it takes the support of a network of more experienced tops, bottoms and switches to introduce you around, help you when you encounter difficulties, and coach you on the etiquette and customs of this strange new environment. In other words, it takes a community. So when you attend your first munch or club meeting, tear your eyes away from the people who look like potential play partners, and start looking around for people who look like the kind of top you want to be, because those are the people who can help you become that kind of top.\n\nVIRTUAL COMMUNITIES. Since we wrote the first edition of this book, the Internet has become the main venue in which players from around the world can meet, flirt, make friends, exchange ideas and become part of one anothers lives.\n\nIf youre reading this, its a pretty safe bet that youve already spent a bit of time on the Net \u2013 these days its the first exposure many people get to the world of kink. But if you havent, allow us to recommend that you do so immediately; if you cant afford your own computer, you can arrange to use one in a caf\u00e9 or library. Being Net-illiterate in this day and age could cost you knowledge, social opportunities and quite possibly partners.\n\nWhether you decide to explore websites, newsgroups, chatrooms, and/or private mailing lists \u2013 all of which we discussed in some detail in The New Bottoming Book \u2013 keep in mind that the virtual BDSM world has its good points and its bad points. On-line interaction is a relatively low-risk way to exchange ideas, learn new philosophies and techniques, discuss issues, ask for help with problems, experiment with different personae, and flirt with anyone whos willing to flirt back. If you use one of the Internet providers that allows you to have one or more \"screen names,\" its very difficult, often impossible, for anyone to find out your real identity\u2026 so if you feel too scared or shy or vulnerable to attend a real-world function, on-line interactions can be your lifeline to the kink world.\n\nOn the other hand, that very anonymity enables some people to feel less accountable for what they say or do. They can pretend to be someone theyre not, since youll have no way to find out otherwise. They can insult (\"flame\") you, spread rumors about you, cyber-stalk you, or promise things they have no intention of delivering.\n\nSome people feel that the Net is a safer way to interact than real life (or \"meat life,\" as Netfolk call it). In some ways it is \u2013 its rare to come away from a chatroom with bruises or sprains. But the emotions generated by Internet debates and by fantasy play in chatrooms can be quite real and powerful; weve both known people badly hurt by virtual interactions gone wrong.\n\nSo consider this section a caveat emptor regarding the Internet. Use it, explore it, learn from it \u2013 but always remember that you have no way of knowing whether the person youre talking to has your best interests at heart. We love the Net \u2013 well, one of us does, anyway \u2013 but we see it as a supplement to, not a substitute for, real-world interaction.\n\nMUNCHES. Munches were developed as a venue in which people who had met on the Net could get together to meet one another face-to-face; since then, theyve grown into one of the most widespread phenomena in the kink community. A munch is an event in which kinkyfolk can meet in a non-kink space \u2013 typically a restaurant, food court or bar \u2013 to socialize, flirt, cruise and generally hang out. Theyre usually less threatening for newcomers than parties or support groups, since most people wear street clothes and no serious play takes place. Here in the Bay Area, its possible to go to a munch almost every night of the week, and even the smallest towns these days usually have at least a monthly munch. And where do you learn about them? On the Internet, of course.\n\nLEATHER BARS. For many decades, the primary venue for kinky gay men to form community and to look for partners has been the leather bar. These venerable institutions usually feature a fairly conventional bar space in front, and often have some sort of small play space in back.\n\nMore recently, lesbians, bisexuals and heterosexuals are finding increasing welcomes in leather bars (but check with your gay men friends about the vibe in any particular bar if youre not positive that youre welcome there). Many leather bars also help form community by sponsoring fund-raising events such as leather competitions and beer bashes to raise money for local charities.\n\nSUPPORT GROUPS. If you can, we strongly recommend that you join your local BDSM club. Many large urban communities have several clubs of different orientations (gay, lesbian, het, bi, male-top, female-top, pansexual and so on); pick one or several that suit your orientation. If the only one you can find doesnt fit you, get in touch with them and ask them what else is out there. If youre feeling shy and having a hard time making connections, offer to do some volunteer work: get out a mailing or work the door at an event. Youll meet lots of people, and help build support for people who are newer and scareder than you.\n\nIf you dont have a local club, join one of the big urban ones (at least that way youll get to read the newsletter, and perhaps to attend an event or two during vacation time), or start your own.\n\nIf you think you are too shy to go to a support group, allow us to reassure you. Such meetings are nowhere near as threatening as you may imagine. The first Society of Janus meetings Dossie attended were held in the basement of a church: how wholesome. People at support group meetings are generally friendly and straightforward, not likely to come on with a lot of attitude or deeply in role, and what cruising there is is customarily civilized and respectful. Confidentiality is paramount \u2013 nobody is going to call up your boss or spouse and reveal your secret life, and if you run into someone from the office at the meeting... well, what is he doing there? And if your fantasy embarrasses you so much that you cannot imagine getting together in a room with other people who also have fantasies, remember that none of them can read your mind \u2013 so your privacy is ensured anyway.\n\nTHE KINK COMMUNITIES AND PEOPLE OF COLOR. Our communities are places of refuge, often the only place in our lives where we can be ourselves without shocking or enraging the people around us. We need that sense of safety, and we rely on cultural recognition signals \u2013 shared concepts, language, body language \u2013 to feel secure that we are at home among our tribe. Our community is our wildlife sanctuary where we are safe to live our wildness.\n\nSimilarly, many people \u2013 who for a variety of reasons constitute oppressed minorities within the predominant culture \u2013 have too often experienced being misread, misjudged and mistreated for being different. They rely on their own communities for a place of refuge, where it is okay to be who they are. This is particularly important for people of color, whose \"difference\" is inexorably visible. Several people of color told us that their first impression of the BDSM community was: \"Theres nobody here who looks like me.\"\n\nSadly, since most cultures are not accepting of our sexual lifestyles, people of color often enter the kink community at the expense of their membership in their original place of refuge, the community of people-who-look-like-me.\n\nSo how can we make our wildlife sanctuary a place of refuge for everybody? Most BDSM communities are predominantly white, middle-class, relatively well educated. This poses a problem for anyone else who wants to join.\n\nIts not enough for white people to say \"Hey, Im not a racist, you can trust me.\" Its going to take a much more interactive process to truly integrate our communities. Just recently, we have been hearing from people of color who have come together to open up the discussion of race and community. This is an extremely sensitive topic, and conversations tend to get heated, so perhaps the first thing to understand about doing this work is that we all have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. We are, after all, attempting to connect in an intimate environment under the weight of centuries of brutal oppression.\n\nWhat people of color tell us is that white people need to raise their awareness of the racism that permeates our society. It is not enough to simply assume that people of color will automatically think themselves privileged to be allowed into eurocentrist environments. We all need to make room for cultural difference in our communities, for different ways of communicating, of making connection, of dealing with feelings, of generating family. Thats what cultural difference is, a huge repertoire of ways of doing everything, and that is the richness that cultural diversity can bring to all of us. People of European ancestry need to be willing to get changed a little, to expand their vision, to allow difference to have an impact on them.\n\nIn preparing to write this, we spoke with a number of people of color who are creating this dialogue, and this is what they wish white people would not do. Watch out for being excessively polite: overwhelming welcome tends to be accompanied with nervous laughter, and nobody feels comfortable. Dont talk down, dont assume that just because a person is not white he is illiterate.\n\nHate words are not good jokes. White people may feel safe enough to laugh at ethnic slurs, but living as a racial minority in a white culture is far more dangerous.\n\nBeware stereotyping\u2026 especially stereotypes that turn you on. Approaching someone because you have always wanted to play with, for instance, a submissive Asian woman or a hypersexual black man, is objectifying and objectionable to the person being stereotyped. Being welcomed as an exotic is not the same as being welcomed as a person.\n\nAs marginalized outsiders, we kinksters have experience and knowledge that is unknown to those who are not sexual adventurers. Similarly, people who are marginalized, made outsiders, for reasons of racial or ethnic difference, have special and valuable wisdom. White people, in learning to listen to an outsiders perspective, gain opportunities to see themselves in new mirrors. The reflection may be difficult to look at, perhaps not flattering, and often colored with the justified anger of the oppressed. And when we hold still and listen to the wisdom of people whose experience is different from ours, then we can start to change things.\n\nAnd then we all win.\n\nOK, BUT WHERE ARE ALL THE BOTTOMS?\n\nIf you ask a bunch of bottoms, you will hear heartfelt and often bitter complaints about the scarcity of tops in the kink community. The good news (if youre a top) is that this is often true \u2013 particularly in heterosexual communities or those in smaller cities and rural environments. The other good news is that its changing: both of us have noticed that more and more of the new young players coming into the scene are top-identified.\n\nHowever, for the time being, there are more bottoms than tops \u2013 often many more. Dossie remembers learning to top because in the womens community in which she came of age as a player, there essentially were no tops, so bottoms politely took turns topping one another so that everybody got to get played with. What that means to you, particularly if youre a heterosexual female, a lesbian or a gay man, is that you as a top are in something of a buyers market.\n\nThat certainly doesnt mean, however, that all you have to do is lean back and casually choose from a parade of eager bottoms who are all dying to throw themselves at your feet. Quality tops get quality bottoms \u2013 its up to you, not only to be a quality top, but to make sure your potential bottoms know it. This goal is not accomplished by boasting about your true master- or mistress-hood, or by acting pushy and bossy outside scene space in order to demonstrate your natural gift for domination, or by hauling around a bunch of toys that you had to take out a second mortgage to buy. The best tops we know are quite modest, often soft-spoken, and always scrupulously polite \u2013 until theyve finished their negotiations and the scene begins... then, watch out!\n\nSo, you ask, how do I let the world know of my wonderful toppiness without coming off like a cross between P.T. Barnum and Attila the Hun? The first suggestion we can make is that you learn as much as you possibly can, and never stop learning. Take classes. Read everything you can get your hands on (remembering, of course, to distinguish between fantasy/fiction and reality). Practice, practice, practice \u2013 if not on an eager subject, then on an inanimate object like a pillow or teddy bear, or on yourself.\n\nIT PAYS TO ADVERTISE. When youre searching for play partners or life partners, what you are doing is marketing \u2013 and if you think its beneath your toppish dignity to market yourself, we hope you and your dignity have many happy nights together.\n\nThe first step in marketing a product is, of course, to make sure that the product is marketable. Are you technically skilled? Are you responsible? Are you flexible? Are you empathetic? Do you take good care of your physical and emotional health? If you didnt answer all of these questions with an emphatic \"yes,\" we suggest you do some close self-examination and self-improvement: all the marketing in the world wont move a product that people dont want.\n\nNext, take a look at your packaging. While its not necessary to wrap yourself in custom leather from head to toe, a little toppish accessorizing helps catch bottoms attention. Gay men and lesbians can use hanky and key codes as shorthand to communicate their orientations and interests, which is convenient; unfortunately, these signifiers havent worked their way very far into the het community just yet. Since many male bottoms are also fetishists, the wearing of fetish apparel \u2013 tall boots, tight corsets, leather or rubber or PVC \u2013 is convenient code by which het female tops can communicate their interests. Heterosexual male tops can run into problems \u2013 if they look too fetish-y, women may assume they are gay and discount them as possible play partners. Still, a leather vest over a handsome silk shirt or turtleneck sweater, possibly paired with leather pants, a \"significant-looking\" leather belt or a small whip worn on the left side, and/or a handsome pair of shiny boots, will get your message across. Various kinds of drag \u2013 schoolmaster or -mistress, pirate, cowboy, cop \u2013 will, of course, get attention from devotees of all genders and orientations.\n\nGET THE WORD OUT. Techniques used by vanilla people for partner-finding \u2013 personal ads in print media, voice mail, or on the Internet or computer bulletin boards \u2013 can also be used to good advantage by kinky folk. Some of these venues may not allow overtly kinky ads, but a little clever indirectness can usually get your point across: words like \"take-charge,\" \"stern,\" \"bossy\" and so on, or references to favorite works of literature, are common routes. Some newspapers, deplorably, charge more for kinky ads than for vanilla ones. We suggest that you protest these policies when you find them, but if theyre the only game in town, well, its better to get the word out via a discriminatory newspaper than not to get the word out at all.\n\nThe trick to writing a good personal ad is to be as clear and specific as possible about your toppy interests while still communicating a good sense of what youre like as a person. This is true whether youre placing your own ad or responding to someone elses. We recommend that you do both.\n\nOne friend of ours says \"The ideal personal ad gets exactly one response \u2013 the right one.\"\n\nTO CRUISE OR NOT TO CRUISE? We think singles-bar-type cruising \u2013 walking up to total strangers and asking \"So, wanna get whipped?\" \u2013 is probably not an optimal strategy for you, unless youre very gorgeous or very self-assured. (However, neither of us has ever been bold enough to try it, so we dont know for sure.)\n\nIf you try thinking of an S/M event as more like a cocktail party than a singles bar, though, your chances will go up. One of the more successful cruisers we know says he has a seldom-fail opening line: \"Hi, Im Mike.\"\n\nWhile some bottoms choose tops who are bossy, pushy and overbearing, we believe that such bottoms are likely to have trouble separating their fantasies from their realities \u2013 not a good formula for a future of safe, life-enhancing play together. The bottoms we suggest you play with are the ones you connect with at a personal level \u2013 the folks with whom you \"click\" in terms of personality, intelligence and chemistry. And the best way to find out if that \"click\" is going to happen is to simply be yourself \u2013 personable, honest and interesting to talk to. If you do this right, there will be plenty of time to be mean, harsh and overbearing later, after the scene has begun.\n\nThe art of cruising comes at the moment when this friendly get-acquainted chatter turns to matters more personal. If youre at a kink event, this isnt too difficult: simply ask \"So, what kinds of play do you enjoy?\" and begin discovering whether the two of you have enough in common for further discussion. We suggest, that you not set your heart on play that very evening. If you can get your potential bottoms phone number, or a date for coffee or a meal at some other time, that will give you more opportunity to get to know her, and will probably lead to better play later. On the other hand, if youre both interested in playing right then and there, and your negotiations show no deal-breakers, then why not?\n\nIf youre at an event that is sexual but not specifically S/M in nature, we suggest you stay specific about the kinds of activities that interest you \u2013 \"Im into S/M\" is a turnoff to a lot of people who have mistaken ideas about what that means, but \"I enjoy bondage\" or \"Ive had fun spanking some of my partners\" might pique someones interest.\n\nIf youre at a nonsexual event, you have to be even more indirect. A mild, flirtatious joke about \"Oooh, you naughty boy\" or \"How come theres never a slave around when you want one?\" or \"She was all tied up that day... and I couldnt find the time to untie her\" will give you some information about your potential partners interests. If she flirts back, you can take the conversation onto a slightly more direct level, although we still suggest you avoid words like \"BDSM,\" \"dominance,\" \"submission\" and \"pain\" until communication is established.\n\nINTRODUCING BDSM INTO AN EXISTING RELATIONSHIP\n\nThese tips are all very well for all those single tops out there, you say. But what if youre already happily coupled, and hoping to introduce your partner to the delights that lie within your delightfully toppish hands?\n\n\"So, honey, whaddaya say tonight I tie you up and flog you within an inch of your life?\" is probably not a good start. Keep in mind that most people have a very inaccurate view of what BDSM and its practitioners are all about. Thus, you might do better to open the discussion by talking about a specific and not-too-scary activity that interests you \u2013 a little light bondage, some mild role-playing or a bit of sensuous spanking are often good places to start. Some couples enjoy reading erotica aloud to one another as a way to get turned on, and explore actual play later as it starts to feel safe.\n\nHe may surprise you by greeting your proposal with enthusiasm. Or he may have some concerns, which its important that you talk through. Often, first-timers are more comfortable topping, not bottoming. You should probably go along with this plan if at all possible. Once he sees that what you have in mind is safe, exciting and fun, he may be more open to being on the receiving end.\n\nOur book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, was designed to be read by people who dont see themselves as being into kink, and might be useful for the two of you to read together. Or maybe you could go together to a program put on by your local BDSM club.\n\nIf he says \"Absolutely not!\" youre kind of stuck. Lets face it, some people are just vanilla. If your partner turns out to be one of these, theres not much point in nagging: you will have to choose between opening up your relationship (which we encourage you to do honestly and consensually), giving up your interest in kink, or giving up your partner. One of us has had to do the latter, and it is a sad and difficult decision which we hope you never have to make.\n\nCHOOSING THE RIGHT BOTTOM\n\nWe know tops who have found lifelong joy, connection and pleasure with the right bottom \u2013 and tops who have been plunged into nightmares of guilt, self-doubt and depression by the wrong one. We want you to be in the first group. So what characteristics should you look for in a bottom? We think these are important:\n\n> \u2022 Responsibility for ones own actions. A bottom who blames you when anything goes wrong... or the obverse, a bottom who expects you to control all aspects of your scene, without any input or feedback... is not taking the proper amount of responsibility for his or her own actions. We know one bottom who, during his pre-scene negotiations, tells his tops, \"I want you to know that Im doing this scene with you because I want to, and because I trust you to take good care of me. If anything goes wrong, well work it out together; I wont lay it all on you.\" Not surprisingly, this bottom finds lots of play partners.\n\n> \u2022 Ability to give as well as take. Sometimes \"do-me queens\" dont give energy back simply because they dont know how to \u2013 that problem is easily fixed by telling them. But others feel entitled to simply lie back and get done, without any desire to make sure that your needs get met. If you feel that your bottom falls into the latter category, its time for some serious renegotiation before you burn out badly.\n\n> \u2022 Discretion. Its always tempting to enjoy hearing gossip about your fellow players \u2013 but if you hear a bottom spreading bad rumors about his or her previous tops, you might want to ask yourself what she will say about you if the relationship ends. Watch out especially for the bottom who has nothing good to say about any of her former play partners.\n\n> \u2022 Self-control. A bottom with a reputation for bad-temperedness or intoxication is probably not a safe choice of play partner. Remember, sooner or later you have to untie em.\n\n> \u2022 Supportiveness. Most bottoms will support you enthusiastically while youre acting like a top, especially if youre acting like the kind of top they like. But a good bottom will also be supportive when youre not acting like a top \u2013 when youre feeling tired, vulnerable, confused, depressed or simply untoppy. Just as its not much fun to be someones \"sex object\" or \"money object,\" its hurtful to be thought of as a \"pain object\" or \"domination object.\" As Janet says, \"a top is more than life support system for a whip.\"\n\nAll of this \u2013 looking for and finding the right bottom \u2013 probably sounds like a lot of work. But we assure you, when she is looking up at you with that marvelous combination of fear, awe and love, all the work and struggle will recede into nothingness, and your bottom-finding time and energy will seem like the best investment you ever made.\n"}
-{"input": " Write a section for a guidebook about special cases in the BDSM community, specifically addressing the following topics:\n\n1. Novices: Explain the unique challenges and rewards of topping a BDSM virgin. Discuss the importance of going slowly, asking lots of questions, and providing support and guidance during the scene. Share a personal anecdote to illustrate the potential consequences of not being thorough in your preparations.\n\n2. Professional domination: Describe the world of professional dominants and their studios. Explain the reasons why someone might choose to see a professional dominant and the benefits of doing so. Address the issue of boundaries and what is typically considered acceptable in a professional scene. Mention a film that provides an insightful and humorous depiction of this world.\n\n3. Public play: Explain the concept of play parties and their importance in the BDSM community. Describe the typical layout of a play party space and the various types of furniture that might be found in a dungeon. Address the issue of safety and the role of dungeon monitors. Discuss the benefits of public play, including meeting new people, watching others, and feeling more okay about oneself. Emphasize the importance of responsible voyeurism and not allowing the crowd's enthusiasm to push one into doing something they'll regret later.", "response": "\n\n13\n\nSPECIAL CASES\n\nNOVICES. Do you want to bring out BDSM virgins? Topping a player who has little or no experience requires special care and commitment, and extra responsibility. The rewards are clear \u2013 a first-time fulfillment of years of fantasy can be incredibly exciting for both parties, hot stuff with heady feelings of conquest of the unthinkable. If the scene comes off well, your bottom will remember you with fond feelings forever, and you will feel like Santa Claus.\n\nOn the other hand, most often the first time we try anything, we dont do it as well as we will when weve had some opportunities to practice \u2013 so the first scene is often anticlimactic. Novice bottoms often have extreme fantasies but find that the realities are much harder to deal with than they thought, so be prepared to stop much sooner than youd anticipated. Remember that the first time is probably not the last time\u2026 theres tons of stuff to learn to pull off your favorite fantasy, and you get all the tries you want to learn.\n\nWhat knowledge do you need to top an inexperienced bottom? If you are a novice top, and your bottom is also a novice, then go very, very slowly. You will both make lots of mistakes, and if you can accept that, you will learn from them. If you are the more experienced player, then remember that virgin bottoms will not know much about their limits, and will not know the consequences of various types of play. Dossie recalls:\n\n> I once topped a novice bottom at a party, a sweet young thing all done up in white lace, eagerly waiting to be decimated. I started slow, but this bottom liked the feel of it and worked all the way up to a heavy caning by the end of the scene. Afterward, it became apparent that she did not know that she would have bruises from such a caning, and that she had a vanilla lover at home \u2013 I will never forget to ask about marks again! I took care to drive her home, and call the next day to make sure she was all right \u2013 she was, thank goodness.\n\nSo when you top a novice bottom, be sure to ask lots of questions, so you will have the opportunity to fill in the bottoms information about what to expect. Many first scenes are, rightly, very lightweight \u2013 it is inappropriate to push limits hard when you are topping a novice. Rather, you should be prepared to be very supportive, and share in the excitement of doing something that is new for the bottom, even if youve done it before. After all, good play is not judged by how heavy it is, but rather by how wonderful it feels.\n\nOther bottoms may go so far out in a first scene as to push the limits of experienced tops (never underestimate the power of endorphins). A friend of ours describes a scene in which he was asked to top a novice whose stated purpose was to satisfy her intellectual curiosity about S/M so she could write about it.\n\n> Our friend started out cautiously, but the bottom turned out to have an enormous pain tolerance, so soon she was wearing sixteen small but very intense clamps on her skin, and liking it a lot, and the top was starting to feel like his limits were being pushed. He removed the clamps, and spent half an hour doing various other things. Toward the end, she was kneeling at his feet and he saw a shadow pass over her face. He asked: \"Is there something you want to tell me?\" \"Yes, Master,\" she replied. \"You may speak.\" \"Please, Sir, the clamp you left on my clit is beginning to hurt a little.\"\n\nNew players need and deserve a supportive environment in which to explore their desires and to learn how to bottom. Good tops honor and value the trust and hard work a new bottom offers to us when he struggles with a new sensation, or fulfills a role he has never played before. We can help by presenting new events one at a time, by giving novices plenty of opportunities to feel their way into an unfamiliar sensation or command, and by letting them find out what they like and dont like without fear of judgment or condemnation.\n\nWhen we watch over our novice bottoms carefully, and treat them with responsibility and respect, we get to share in the great adventure of starting down the path of kinky exploration, and to witness the blossoming of many happy little sluts and slaves.\n\nPROFESSIONAL DOMINATION\n\nThe world of professional domination is one of the highest accomplishments of the BDSM scene. A good professional dominant is a skilled and respected expert on many if not all forms of play. Many give their knowledge back to the community by teaching classes or workshops, as well as being available for actual play in negotiated sessions.\n\nThe professional dominants studio can be an amazing site to behold. Entire houses may be full of rooms decorated and furnished to satisfy every fantasy, with much of the furniture offering practical applications for play: racks for bondage, horses for bend-over beatings, overhead winches to support the standing bottom for a flogging, specially designed bondage tables for the most complete immobilization. Many professional studios include rooms for different fantasies: the dungeon, all black and chains\u2026 the nursery for big babies, with lots of flannel and extra-large teddy bears\u2026 transformation rooms, with costumes, wigs and makeup to turn the bottom into the creature of his or her fantasy\u2026 white rooms with examining tables for playing Doctor Doom or Nurse Nasty.\n\nPaying for the opportunity to play with such an expert is considered completely acceptable by S/M community standards. A person may want to see a professional because he wants to learn from an expert \u2013 a top who is somewhat uncomfortable with bottoming but wants to learn from that experience can often arrange a scene with a professional that includes exactly what he wants in a confidential environment. A bottom may go to a professional dominant for elaborate scenes that he cant get from his partner. A bottom who loves his wife and kids, their house in the suburbs and his standing in a straight community can visit a professional occasionally without giving up the rest of his life. And money is a fair and clean exchange for fantasy play sculpted by an expert to the bottoms needs, even when the bottom needs to serve. Some professionals also offer submissives, or switch themselves, for carefully negotiated and limited scenes with customers they trust (for obvious reasons of safety, there are few professional bottoms advertising in the open market).\n\nA competent professional dominant is good at limits and boundaries. She will know which fantasies are workable in a professional relationship and which are not. It is traditional in professional scenes to include a lot of extremely wild S/M and to exclude actual sex, partly because that may fit better for the professional, and mostly because the exchange of sex for money is illegal in most states.\n\nIf you would like to know more about the world of professional domination, we recommend the excellent and hilarious English film \"Personal Services,\" very loosely based on the career of British dominatrix Cynthia Payne, which includes wonderful depictions of parties and Christmas dinner at this house of pain.\n\nPUBLIC PLAY\n\nThe play party has become a basic institution in many BDSM communities, so basic that we have been asked if a person can explore kink at all if she doesnt want to play in public. Of course you can play without going to play parties, and many do. But public play is very popular among S/M players, so if you have fantasies of large audiences applauding and cheering your amazing sexual feats, we have a party for you.\n\nPlay parties are usually held in a space designed for that purpose, possibly a dungeon in someones home, or the studio of a professional dominant. Other party play spaces are maintained by support groups as a volunteer endeavor, and some people make a profession of running a party house. Some clubs in major cities are set up for public S/M play, some on one night a week, some all the time. A play party space usually will have one or more dungeons equipped with furniture \u2013 one or more slings, a St. Andrews cross, medical examination tables, bondage tables, overhead hoists, cages, and the like\u2026 occasionally even beds. Conversation in the play area is discouraged because it intrudes on the consciousness of the people who are playing.\n\nNormally there is also a social area, where food and beverages are available, where people can meet and cruise and negotiate, or come down after a scene. Most party houses have a set of rules or guidelines printed up for you, covering their expectations about everything from safe sex to responsible voyeurism, and most have dungeon monitors on duty throughout that party so there is always someone who can answer your questions. Safety is a prominent concern \u2013 what a nightmare to have to call an ambulance in the middle of an S/M orgy!\n\nThe play party provides a safe opportunity to meet people, watch how they play, explore new partners and play in a playful environment, with not so much personal commitment beyond the moment. Some monogamous couples come to watch others, socialize and to play special scenes for public display \u2013 we like to watch these scenes because couples who have played together for a long time are often very good at it, and you can see the intimacy and profound connection. People who like to watch are asked to be responsible, and keep at a non-intrusive distance. We enjoy voyeurism a lot \u2013 we get the chance to learn from what other people do, and tons of ideas and how-tos to take back to our own play. The encouragement of an eager audience helps many people push their limits \u2013 be careful not to let the crowds enthusiasm push you into doing something youll regret later.\n\nSeeing others play can also help us feel more okay about ourselves. Dossie says: \"When I see someone very turned on, stark naked and thrashing and looking real good, and that person is not necessarily young or thin, then I start to realize that maybe I look good when I play even if Im not built like a centerfold. And when I see other tops, taking their time, dealing with the equipment and their bottoms, going through all the effort and technical work to get a scene off the ground, and then I see that scene flying into the stratosphere, that helps me not feel like an idiot when it takes me a little time to get a scene working.\"\n\nWe believe that the deprivatization of sex is a radical political act. Hush-hush attitudes toward sex have generated a sick history of shame, embarrassment, guilt and self-loathing that have crippled many people \u2013 kept them from realizing their wonderful sexual selves and often decimated their entire sense of self-esteem. In BDSM in particular, coming out is often made difficult by feelings of shame and inadequacy, as well as the problem of acquiring the extensive technical information and experience that make a good top or bottom. All of these difficulties can be addressed at the play party, where the opportunity to share sex and S/M with others can be powerfully healing.\n\nWe also like the challenge of play parties. When we prepare a scene for a play party, we often put in extra effort to make something that will be powerful for us and attract an appreciative audience, and playing in public gives an edge to a scene that can help it go further, or higher, or wherever you want it to go.\n"}
-{"input": "  Write a section for a guidebook about full-time D/S relationships, addressing the following topics:\n\n1. Definition and fluidity: Define full-time D/S relationships and discuss the fluidity that exists within them, emphasizing that while the dominants in novels may express their dominance nonstop, this is not often the case in reality. Explain that successful D/S couples have a very strong ability to read each other's signals and move in and out of their dominant or submissive mindsets.\n\n2. Activities and behaviors: Describe the various activities and behaviors that full-time D/S couples engage in to manifest their way of being together. Some dominants may control their submissive's behaviors with a goal of improving their life, while others may require valuable service or enjoy training their submissives in postures, vocal mannerisms, forms of address, or types of service.\n\n3. What's in it for the submissive: Discuss the different motivations and rewards for submissives in full-time D/S relationships, such as being noticed and appreciated for their contributions or the ability to \"turn off their brain\" by becoming a pure instrument of the dominant's will.\n\n4. Contracts and symbols: Explain the purpose and importance of contracts in full-time D/S relationships, which can help both parties understand their rights and responsibilities. Contracts may cover topics such as the duration of the relationship, symbols like collars or rings, obligations, ways to communicate, agreements about sex and play with others, and disagreements.\n\n5. About collars: Discuss the significance of collars in D/S relationships, and the different interpretations and uses they may have for different individuals. Address topics such as training collars, personal collars, and collaring ceremonies.\n\n6. How to keep it fresh: Offer advice on how to maintain the excitement and passion in a full-time D/S relationship, including setting aside time for play, treating each other as you did when the relationship was new, and respecting everyone's roles.", "response": "\n\n14\n\nFULL-TIME D/S\n\nSome players live in their scene roles all the time: Master or Mistress and slave, or Daddy and boy, Mommy and girl, Mistress and dog, houseboy or french maid. In some peoples eyes, living full-time is the ultimate expression of kink, complete immersion in the fantasy, making the fantasy their total reality.\n\nSometimes elaborate families are formed, where a senior tops girl might have a slave of her own, and another human may be functioning as the dog. Players form these families according to their needs, and demonstrate a startling facility to adapt to changing conditions \u2013 theres no rule that says you cant make agreements to change roles in whatever way suits you. And for those who are successful, wonderfully fulfilling and creative lives can follow.\n\nWe would like to point out that living full-time in role is not the \"gold standard\" of BDSM. We see far too many players who feel that if theyre not \"24/7,\" theyre somehow wrong, or not \"real\" dominants. If this doesnt sound like the way you want to live, if BDSM is a more comfortable fit in your life when you keep it in scene and drop roles the rest of the time, dont let anybody tell you that youre in any way inferior. However, if full-time BDSM does feel like a good fit for you, we encourage you to try it \u2013 starting slowly with one or two types of relatively easy power exchange, and adding new aspects of the power relationship as the old ones become habitual.\n\nIf people owning slaves or otherwise involved in relationships with a declared power inequity push your buttons, please remember that these lifestyles were consciously chosen, which may put them a step ahead of traditional marriages and the power dynamics of traditional sex roles that most people dont even think about. And role-bound relationships work well for a lot of people. Many people are relieved to have a clear idea about who is empowered to do, say or decide what, and many bottoms are quite content to let their masters or mistresses run the show.\n\nFLUIDITY. Weve been friends with many people in full-time dominant/submissive relationships. Our observation is that when we spend time with such people as friends, we rarely see them behaving in ways much different than any other couple: the day-to-day demands of running a life remain the same, and must be addressed by someone or other. And almost nobody can be in full control of everything at every waking moment \u2013 or would like to be. While the dominants in novels (and sometimes chatrooms) express their dominance nonstop, in reality this approach doesnt often work out very well.\n\nHowever, what we do see in successful D/S couples is a very strong ability to read each others signals and a very fluid approach to moving in and out of their dominant or submissive mindsets \u2013 so the couple who at one moment is discussing someones problems at work may at the next moment be in full dominant/submissive mode, with the dominant in complete control and the submissive completely pliable to her will.\n\nWhat kinds of signals do these people give each other to make such extraordinary transitions possible? Some might be consciously chosen, like using a particular name (\"boy\" or \"girl,\" for example) or a particular behavior (a submissive kneeling, a dominant placing her hand on the back of the submissives neck). Others are less conscious, more intuitive \u2013 a tone of voice, a shift in body language. Longtime D/S couples grow extremely skilled in reading such signals and responding to each others shifting needs and desires as the moment dictates.\n\nACTIVITIES AND BEHAVIORS. What kinds of things do full-time D/S couples do to manifest their way of being together? The list can vary from one couple to the next, of course. Some dominants like to control their submissives behaviors with a goal towards improving his life \u2013 making sure that he quits smoking or does the work he brought home for the night or gets his daily exercise. Others require that their submissive give them valuable service of some kind \u2013 maintaining the household, caring for the dominants body or possessions, or even managing or training other submissives. Still others enjoy training their submissives in postures, vocal mannerisms, forms of address or types of service that are particularly appealing to the dominant \u2013 for example, kneeling with the knees 14\" apart, eyes down, back straight, while proffering a cup of coffee thats exactly the right strength and temperature and contains the perfect amount of cream and sugar.\n\nLifestyle D/S-ers have generated many clever devices to keep the submissive enslaved when the dominant is not present. The submissive may wear a collar or other symbol. You can padlock a chain around her waist, or give him instructions to go into the bathroom at work at two oclock every day and masturbate for five minutes without coming, and so on\u2026\n\nWHATS IN IT FOR THE SUBMISSIVE? One submissive we know, who drove twice a week from her work as a housewife and mother to take care of her masters household, told us, \"At home, I do the same things, and nobody notices. When I do them for my master, he notices them and appreciates them and gives me lots of positive feedback for doing them.\" So for at least some submissives, part of their pleasure comes from being noticed and appreciated for what they have to offer. The owner of such a slave told us, \"She is the most precious thing I could possibly own, and I never forget that.\"\n\nFor others, the charge is just the opposite \u2013 being faceless, dehumanized, as much the dominants possession as her furniture or toothbrush and hence unworthy of comment. For these, the ability to \"turn off their brain\" by becoming a pure instrument of the dominants will can be both rewarding and sexy.\n\nThe fantasy may be that the dominants will is paramout and that the submissives needs dont matter \u2013 but in reality, a submissive whose basic needs arent being met wont feel submissive for very long, and a dominant whos exerting her will over an unhappy submissive will find the experience hollow and frustrating. Thus, its important that there be a good match between the dominants style and the submissives desires. Some dominants prefer to manage their submissives behaviors very closely, giving orders for each behavior they want; these dominants may do best with submissives who prefer to be pliable and will-less while in their submissive space. Others want submissives who can anticipate and meet their needs, and these may do best with submissives whose charge comes from caretaking and appreciation.\n\nCONTRACTS AND SYMBOLS. There are many ways to do full-time BDSM relationships, and one way that people get clear about what they are doing is to write a contract, often called a slave or ownership contract, in which the rights and responsibilities of both parties are spelled out.\n\nWhy a contract? You might think that when you own someone they just do what you want all the time. Well, there are always limits, and if your bottoms limits offend you, remember that you probably have limits of your own. For instance, when you own a slave, does that mean you have to be lean and mean and in top role twenty-four hours a day, or do you get to relax now and then? If you have a little boy or girl, do you have to get up in the middle of the night when your \"baby\" has bad dreams? Are you contracting to provide income for both of you, or who goes to work and how do they do it? Contracts also normally cover agreements about monogamy and nonmonogamy: are both parties monogamous? If not, what are their responsibilities to each other? Can the top give the slave away to someone else? Can the slave ask to be given to someone else?\n\nMany \"contracts\" are simply props, documents designed to turn people on but not to convey much real information. The contracts weve seen that actually worked well as relationship blueprints are fairly detailed documents that spell out both the submissives and the dominants responsibilities toward the relationship. The contract may include any or all of the following:\n\n> \u2022 The duration of the contract. Many couples start with a relatively short contract \u2013 a few weeks or a month \u2013 then, as they learn more about one anothers needs and limits, may adjust and extend the contract for longer periods of time.\n\n> \u2022 Symbols. If the relationship includes the use of symbols such as collars or rings, the contract may dictate when and how these are to be worn.\n\n> \u2022 Obligations. What kinds of service must the submissive agree to provide, and under what circumstances? In what ways does the dominant agree to take care of the submissive \u2013 financially, emotionally, physically? In what ways is the submissive expected to take care of himself? Is S/M play expected or optional? How about sex?\n\n> \u2022 Ways to communicate. If one or the other partner has something to say that cannot be said within the confines of their role, how and when can they communicate that? Will the partners set aside a certain time, place or medium in which \"amnesty\" applies and they can communicate clearly without reprisal? There are many creative ways to accomplish communication in role without resorting to manipulation. One Mistress of our acquaintance has her slave write a journal entry onto the computer every morning, with orders to include information about his state of well-being, his emotional reality and any problems he might be experiencing. She can then read what he wrote, and decide on her response, without breaking role unless she chooses to.\n\n> This is also the area in which you will discuss code words and safewords. While long-time D/S couples often find that they have come to read each other well enough that they no longer need safewords very often, we suggest keeping at least one safeword in place in case of genuine emergency \u2013 if youve never seen your submissive have a heart attack before, you may have trouble figuring out that her gasps for breath arent issuing from unbridled lust.\n\n> \u2022 Agreements about sex and play with others. The contract may include agreements about what kinds of activities may and may not take place outside the relationship, and under what circumstances \u2013 both for the dominant and for the submissive. One contract weve seen does not allow the submissive the freedom to come without the dominants permission, but gives the submissive five \"get out of jail free\" cards each month, in which she has sexual liberty for a brief period of time. Contracts should also include clearly stated agreements about safer sex standards.\n\n> \u2022 Disagreements. If theres a serious and real problem between the dominant and the submissive, how will this be handled? Is there an outside person who both parties trust who can help listen and mediate any problems?\n\nABOUT COLLARS. For some people, a collar is at least as meaningful as a wedding ring; for others, its simple decoration, no more meaningful than a necklace. We think its safe to say that for most people in D/S relationships, the collar is a potent and meaningful symbol.\n\nBut what does it mean? That depends on your own desires and those of your submissive. Some dominants like to keep one or two \"training collars\" around to use during casual or short-term play, then buy a personal collar for a submissive when their relationship deepens and lengthens \u2013 its not uncommon for a couple to celebrate the initiation of their contract with a collaring ceremony.\n\nIf you are contemplating giving someone a collar, we suggest the two of you have a long talk about what it signifies to each of you \u2013 this isnt an area in which disagreements typically work out very well. Other good things to discuss are when the collar is and is not to be worn: some people who work in straight jobs have special collars which look like ordinary jewelry but have special significance to them and their dominants, and which can be worn to the office or to dinner at Moms.\n\nIts also a good idea to get clear on who owns the collar. While in ordinary vanilla etiquette, a gift belongs to the recipient, many dominants feel strongly that they own their submisives collar, and that it should be returned when and if it is no longer in use. This wont typically be an issue as long as the two of you are together, but if the relationship ends, a misunderstanding on this subject can cause unnecessary hard feelings.\n\nHOW DO YOU KEEP IT FRESH?\n\nBoth of us have seen more than a few lifestyle couples come to painful disgreements, sometimes even a complete parting of the ways, when the dominant loses interest in play or sex, and the submissive begins to feel burned out or exploited. This is a common enough pattern that we suggest you take steps to make sure it doesnt happen to you.\n\nIts not a bad idea to include in your contract, if you have one, some provisions for how often play will happen in the relationship \u2013 and then stick to them. Obviously, we all go through periods when were feeling sick, depressed or overworked, and its reasonable to allow yourself some downtime in your contract. But if for some reason youre not feeling like playing at all, ask yourself why: are your needs not being adequately met? Is there something youre missing that your play should be providing and isnt? Or is something missing that cant be taken care of in play, that needs to be addressed by you and your partner dealing with each other as equals? If youre suppressing anger, frustration, sadness or other difficult emotions, its unlikely that youll be up for frequent or hot play.\n\nIt can be difficult to view your submissive with the thrill of domly lust you felt when you first met him; after all, may of us love novelty. But lifestyle couples can benefit by the same advice often given to vanilla couples: treat each other the way you did when your relationship was new and passionate. When youre going to spend time with your submissive, be as present for him as you can: take time to prepare yourself physically and mentally so that youre as sexy and dominant as you know how to be. Touch each other often. Remember the things that made you think he was so hot in the first place. Think of new ways to express your feelings toward him, and that he can express his feelings toward you \u2013 after all, one of the perks of being a dominant is that you can demand what you want.\n\nWe observe that people who do well at lifestyle relationships usually have very clear boundaries, even if they dont call them that, and can readily describe how they know when they are in and out of role, or which roles, or how deeply. They tend to be good at signals, and slide in and out of role with facility. They have respect for everybodys roles, submissives and dominants alike, and take pride in playing their part well. The reward is the opportunity to delve into yourself with tremendous intensity and manifest your dominant persona in a very complete way \u2013 to be truly the master or mistress of your own domain.\n"}
-{"input": " Write a section for a guidebook about \"Shadow Play,\" which delves into deep psychological territory in BDSM scenes. Address the following topics:\n\n1. Definition and purpose: Define shadow play and explain its purpose in BDSM scenes. Discuss how shadow play can be used to explore parts of ourselves that we may have previously been aware of only in deep shadow and how it can help us push our emotional limits.\n\n2. The Shadow: Describe Carl Jung's concept of the Shadow, a realm of the mind that shuts away thoughts, memories, and feelings that we have forbidden to consciousness for one reason or another. Explain the function of the Shadow and its role in our individual histories, family notions, and social and cultural paradigms.\n\n3. Playing in the Shadow: Discuss the various scenarios that can be considered shadow play, such as rape scenes, emotions like rage or misery, and personal traumas like child abuse, molestation, or rape. Explain that the charge each individual feels about a particular scenario is what makes it deep and that playing in the Shadow can be hot, intriguing, and sexy.\n\n4. The bottom's perspective: Discuss the motivations for bottoms who choose to engage in shadow play, such as becoming a warrior by surviving an ordeal, conquering from the bottom, and finding emotional strength to deal with oppression. Explain that the bottom gets to write the script, choose the outcome, and be received as beloved and desirable.\n\n5. The top's perspective: Discuss the challenges and fears that tops may face when engaging in shadow play, such as worrying about hurting their bottom's feelings, being seen as racist or sexist, and bearing the guilt of their ancestors or shame for their privilege. Explain that playing with cultural trauma offers the opportunity for tops to meet their internalized abuser and find out what their own hooks are to that role.\n\n6. Playing with cultural trauma: Discuss the attraction to playing with cultural trauma, such as war, genocide, torture, and enslavement, and how it can be a constructive way of dealing with a history of oppression. Address the controversy surrounding this type of play and the importance of respecting each other's feelings and boundaries.\n\n7. How to do it: Provide guidelines for negotiating shadow play scenes with extreme care, showing respect for safewords, checking in more often than usual, and establishing mutual respect, regard, and affection before and after the scene. Discuss the importance of choosing a script with an appropriate distance or closeness to the actual experience and the use of stereotypes as archetypes or iconic roles.\n\n8. Aftercare: Explain the importance of planning for aftercare for all parties involved in the scene, as everyone is playing into their own shame and their own Shadow. Discuss the need for time after the scene to talk, to check in the next day, and to talk again a few days later to see how things are shaking out.\n\n9. Public play: Discuss the appropriateness of shadow play scenes in public play parties and the need to respect the limits of those who haven't consented to play with us. Explain that it can be hard to predict what is and is not okay with others around us and that we need to negotiate as best we can to make room for everyone's needs and respect everyone's vulnerabilities.\n\n10. Healing: Discuss the potential for healing and transformation through shadow play, using the example of a black woman and a white woman who lived together in a full-time owner-slave relationship and eventually stopped playing such scenes once they had learned what they needed to know. Emphasize that when we bring the horrors of history out of the Shadow and into clear consciousness, we can begin to heal our histories and ourselves.", "response": "\n\n15\n\nSHADOW PLAY: DARKSIDE S/M\n\nWHAT IS IT? Shadow play is our name for scenes that delve into deep psychological territory. It is our understanding that all BDSM involves explorations of parts of ourselves that we may have previously been aware of only in deep shadow. As you learn your emotional limits, you may find yourself wanting to push those limits by deliberately setting up an scene to travel in forbidden territory. Such scenes may involve emotions like rage or misery that can cause dysfunction if allowed to run free in our real lives. Adopting parent/child roles is often deep play, as is playing out personal trauma like child abuse, molestation or rape. Some players may use a scene to explore historical social oppression, like slavery, witch-burnings, the Inquisition or the Holocaust.\n\nDossie had a powerful experience of reclaiming a piece of her history after the scene with Janet that we told you about before, where Dossie was a poor waif in a Victorian workhouse. She recalls:\n\n> Janet had cleverly gotten around my limit about playing with punishment by caning me \"to show you what would happen if you ever did do something you shouldnt.\" My role required nothing of me but to whimper and be pathetic for about three hours, a feeling I found to be curiously luxurious. Wondering about this the next day brought to mind a time in my life when I really was pathetic \u2013 in my early twenties I had to leave a violent partner when I was pregnant, with just about no resources. I used to hang out at this ecumenical ministry in the Haight because they gave me free yogurt, which for a few weeks was my primary source of protein. Im sure I looked pretty pathetic to them, but thats not how I felt. I was furious at myself, blaming myself for having gotten into this situation in the first place, and I was ferociously determined to be strong enough to pull my life back together and raise my baby, which I did. I couldnt afford to be pathetic back then. It took an S/M scene 25 years later to bring me to compassion for my younger self and become able to empathize with how pathetic my situation really was. The scene gave me permission to give myself comfort, which I found very healing. Now when I remember that time in my life I no longer feel ashamed.\n\nThe Shadow. Our experience in the aftermath of that scene, which we played while we were writing this book, also led us to coalesce a theory about how S/M works as a healthy drive toward healing and integrity. Carl Jung envisioned the human psyche kind of like this diagram, only more dynamic, of course. The Conscious mind is what we are familiar with: me at my computer, you holding this book. The Preconscious is about what we are only partly, or perhaps occasionally aware of, like dreams, or fantasies, or long-ago fuzzy memories \u2013 images and ideas that come and go like the tide. The Unconscious mind is that reservoir of instincts, archetypes, primal process that shows up in our dreams and desires, but of which we are only indirectly aware. And Jung placed the spiritual sense, which he thought of as the Collective Unconscious, at the very bottom of that ocean.\n\nHe also posited a realm of the mind, sometimes conscious, often not, called the Shadow, drawn in this diagram like an iceberg floating on the sea. We all know that the part of the iceberg that we can see is only the smallest part. Jung thought the function of the Shadow was to shut away thoughts, memories and feelings that we had forbidden to consciousness for one reason or another. This forbidding happens not only in our individual histories, but in our familys notion of what is and is not okay to discuss or acknowledge, and in our social and cultural paradigms of the same. An example for many of us would be the taboo against talking about sex, or even being aware of sexual energy except under very restricted conditions.\n\nIndividually, we may banish memories of trauma, embarrassment, fear, awareness of the less acceptable parts of ourselves \u2013 needy, yearning, pushy, cruel. We may banish desires we have been taught are inappropriate. And we may banish feelings that have been so scary, or responded to in such a negative fashion, that we decided, perhaps when we were too small to be making adult sense, that we must never feel that particular way again. Forbidden emotions sent to the deep freeze commonly include pathos, anger, shame, terror, villainy and victimhood. Starting to sound familiar?\n\nSo our thesis is that it just might be that our kinky desires, the drives that lead us to enact our dark and dangerous fairy tales, may very well be the longing to reunite with a part of ourselves that we have lost in the Shadow. Perhaps we yearn to bring that part back into consciousness, in the validating presence of another who can mirror us, and in this terrible state find us desirable. As we eroticize these tales from our own deepest personal mythology, we inject our self-rejection with the healing energy of the life force, with Eros, and confirm our newly enlarged sense of self with the affirmation of orgasm. As we welcome back our own lost parts, we become more whole \u2013 increase our integrity \u2013 with the healing power of S/M.\n\nPLAYING IN THE SHADOW. The charge that each of us as individuals may feel about a particular scenario is what makes it deep. Many of us play rape scenes, and more than a few of us have actually been raped, so for some a rape scene is very deep play, searching for understanding, catharsis, healing or resolution.\n\nPlay can be deep for the top or the bottom or both. If we reenact a scene of abuse, it is not only the bottom who may be playing deep. Survivors of child abuse frequently carry with them what they learned from the adults, engraved into their psyches as the internalized abuser. Tops may experience profound emotion in playing the role of molesting bully or punitive parent.\n\nPeople are attracted to playing in their shadows because it is very hot, intriguing, sexy. Please dont think that we are robots doomed to reenact the dysfunctions of our childhoods over and over without release, but rather that we seek out opportunities to struggle with these conflicts so that we have a chance to make the story come out differently.\n\nIf we let these desires drive us without our awareness, they may manifest in destructive ways. This is why we may repeatedly pick the partner who makes us the craziest. Dossie used to express this desire by hunting down rough trade in the streets of New York (she found lots of it, too); Janet used to have such a profound need to be needed that she drove herself and her partners crazy by insisting that they need her even when they didnt. We find it a lot safer and more constructive to play out our old tapes with full awareness, within the boundaries of a scene. We can relive our old dramas to our hearts content, only this time we control the outcome. In this lies empowerment, with great potential for healing and transformation.\n\nPLAYING WITH CULTURAL TRAUMA\n\nSome of us like to play with cultural trauma, take the scripts for our psychodrama from the horrors of humanitys more brutal histories: war, genocide, torture, enslavement. The Holocaust, African slavery, the Spanish Inquisition, the rape of Nanking. These scenes are more than merely hot. They can be a constructive way of dealing with a history of oppression of our ancestors, our class, our race \u2013 or, for that matter, a history of being the oppressor. More dirt to dig up from the Shadow and plow into fertilizer for new roses.\n\nPlaying with cultural themes is highly controversial. Many people, including many S/M players, are of the opinion that no one should play with these ugly realities. Some see such play as insulting, or belittling to their serious struggle to heal from historical oppression and to refuse to be victimized in the present. History offers us many emotional minefields, and a lot of us dont want to have our buttons pushed, because we dont want that particular kind of overwhelming emotional pain happening in our sexual sanctuary.\n\nPlaying with the horrors of history brings up all our current struggles with racism, sexism, classism and so on. Bringing historical play into the S/M arena also challenges the secrecy and mistrust that oppressed people use, for good reasons, to protect themselves in potentially hostile social environments \u2013 which means letting go, for the sake of the scene, of some very crucial defenses. For those of us dealing with racism and the history of slavery in the United States, the issues of submission and dominance are especially loaded.\n\nEverybody has a right to protect their feelings. If you dont want to enter into playing with cultural trauma, we support you in that choice. And if you do want to travel in that difficult territory, we support you too.\n\nWHAT IS THE ATTRACTION? The horrors of history comprise our cultural Shadow, and many of us are drawn to it just as were drawn to our individual and family Shadows \u2013 like finding yourself sucking on an aching tooth. The motivations might be something we discover in our fantasies, or out of curiosity \u2013 what might it be like to go there on purpose, how would it come out? Or the sense that theres something in that Shadow that we need to know, and a willingness to deal with the consequences. Maybe we want to face our fears, get pushed into seeing, find our power, transform pain into wisdom. Maybe that sexual draw represents the need to bring that terrible history into consciousness, in clear focus, to end repression and start healing.\n\nFROM THE BOTTOM. If you choose to bottom to a script based on cultural trauma, you may be aiming at becoming a warrior by surviving an ordeal, conquering from the bottom by having the emotional strength to deal with oppression, finding out how your ancestors survived. Conquering might mean feeling free to cry for a long time, or beg for mercy, or it might mean stoicism, surviving. It most certainly could involve coming face to face with your own internalized oppression, your own racism. We all have racism, even those of us who are oppressed by it. Playing with it could bring about dissociation, flashbacks, open up wellsprings of rage, and its possible to fall into really believing in the moment that the top is angry, despising, sees you as less than human.\n\nRemember, you get to write the script, you get to choose the outcome. You get to conquer, and you get to be received, in the full emotional complexity of all this, as beloved and desirable.\n\nFROM THE TOP. Very scary. As a general rule, in any kink grouping there are a lot more eager victims than there are Simon Legrees. So how would you feel if your friend asked you to call her a nigger? A filthy Jew? A faggot? Tops worry about hurting their bottoms feelings, being seen as racist or sexist, bearing the guilt of our ancestors or shame for our privilege. And what if we like it? What if we get turned on by playing this horrible person?\n\nFor the top, playing with cultural trauma offers the opportunity to meet our internalized abuser. We all have one: its not if you discover your precious inner bully, its when. When you play the oppressor as a gift to your bottom, you will find out what your own hooks are to that role. When tops invoke the spirit of bigotry or brutality, what shocks us is how real it can get, how strongly we can feel it. Are we willing to be conscious of that?\n\nJanet recalls what it felt like to play a sexist brute:\n\n> I felt myself in the teeth of the fantasy, hurtling as if I were on a steep ski slope, unintentional space opening up before me. The momentum of the scene took me skidding into dark, unexplored, frightening territory.\n\nAnd lets not assume, as we talk about this, that all the bottoms are members of an oppressed minority, or that all the tops are white and middle-class. What would it be like to be an African-American topping a slavery scene? Or a revenge fantasy? Or a German pretending to be a victim of the Holocaust?\n\nHOW DO YOU DO IT? Negotiate with extreme care, follwing the suggestions in the next section on emotional safety for deep scenes. Expect a deep emotional charge for both bottom and top. Show a lot of respect for safewords \u2013 you may need them. Tops should check in more often than usual, because if the scene really begins to roll, the bottom may forget that there is a safeword, or that there is any consensuality at all. And remember, both top and bottom are playing into shame \u2013 so before and after, outside the scene, you want to be very sure to establish mutual respect, regard and affection.\n\nWhen you are choosing your script, think about the distance or closeness your scenario holds to your actual experience. For most people, further away in history feels safer \u2013 so a scene from the Spanish Inquisition may feel less terrifying than one from the Holocaust. Some people choose to play with someone elses cultural trauma rather than their own.\n\nDo remember, when choosing your historical horrors, that you get to do this more than once. So select something relatively easy for the present, and if all goes well, you can take on something more challenging next time. Leaping off cliffs is optional.\n\nThe characters we play in these scenes are usually stereotypes. While stereotyping is an active form of societal oppression, stereotypes in scenes are more like archetypes, the icon of the oppressed or oppressing person. The roles act as containers, boundaries that say very clearly, \"This is not who I am all the time.\"\n\nStereotypes, especially as you are starting up the scene, can easily look more like caricatures, and you may have a hard time keeping a straight face. Just ride it, continue, and let the turn-on gradually draw you into the drama.\n\nAn important point of negotiation: white people cant really initiate racial scenes, at least not with anybody they dont know really really well. A question arises for the bottom: would I want to bottom to someone I suspect is genuinely racist, sexist, a conscious oppressor? Or for the top: If I truly believe in some other peoples inferiority, is it okay for me to play this out in scene? We hope not. Ideally, the top is pretending to be an oppressor that she doesnt identify with.\n\nAFTERCARE. Plan on aftercare for both or all parties. Everyone in this kind of scene is playing into their own shame and their own Shadow, everyone is terribly vulnerable. Plan for time after the scene, and to talk the next day, and to talk again two or three days later, to see how things are shaking out. If you are partners who live together, it is particularly important to set aside time for these discussions. Making assumptions that everybody is fine is dangerous. It can also be helpful to have some neutral friends that you didnt play with who you can talk to.\n\nPUBLIC PLAY. Cultural trauma scenes are not always appropriate for public play parties. We need to respect the limits of those who havent consented to play with us, and who have no way to close their ears to shouted slurs. It can be hard to predict what is and is not okay with others around you. And sometimes this can feel like another kind of oppression, when your fellow perverts think your particular scene is disgusting. There is, in our opinion, no one right way to deal with public reaction to highly charged scenes. The problem is not simple, and all we can really do is negotiate as best we can to make room for everybodys needs, and respect everybodys vulnerabilities.\n\nHEALING. Many years ago, we knew a black woman and a white woman who lived together in a full-time owner-slave relationship in which the white woman was the master. They were healthy, happy people, proud of their partnership; eventually they moved to the country to bear and raise their child. Some years later, we had the opportunity to talk with the top in this relationship, and, knowing they were still together, ask how the slavery question had worked out. She told us that her lover had, after some years, learned what she needed to know from playing into the history of slavery and gotten the healing she was seeking, so they stopped playing such scenes. Now, still together and raising their child, they play other games.\n\nWhen we painfully seek a deep emotional experience of enslavement, oppression, terror and helplessness, when we bring the horrors of history out of the Shadow and into clear consciousness, when we light up those terrible shadows with love, determination and the sweet fire of erotic energy, we can begin to heal our histories and ourselves.\n\nDEEP EMOTIONAL SAFETY\n\nIn a previous chapter we told you how to handle psychological emergencies that might come up when your play accidentally sets off somebodys emotional land mines. In shadow play, you go into that same territory on purpose, and these skills will be your safety net, enabling you to get back out whenever you want to, no matter how deeply you have gone in.\n\nThis is advanced play, and we do not advocate shadow play with new partners or with unfamiliar physical techniques \u2013 this is no time to fumble. And let us remind you that just as we deplore values that add up to a hierarchy of hip about heaviness in stimulus play, there is no status value in playing deeper than the next guy \u2013 play at the depth that feels right to you.\n\nThere are still limits, there are always limits \u2013 but it may be trickier figuring out what they are. Both of us, for example, have limits about face-slapping because our parents used to do that, so we only allow face-slapping in scenes that are planned to be deep. Janet tells potential tops, \"If you slap my face I may come unglued; dont do it unless youre willing to help put me back together again.\" Punishment for real or imagined naughtiness may be hot for one player, too sensitive for another.\n\nYou may discover a limit you didnt know you had. Dossie remembers:\n\n> My partner had been playing Mommy to my very young baby, personae that we had fooled around with while snuggling, but never in an actual S/M scene. When we discussed playing a scene with the baby, we decided that it was too scary to hurt her, but that sex might be okay. In scene, I got deeply into my baby role, being fed ice cream, playing with toys, sucking on everything. When we progressed to the sexual part, though, I got confused, overwhelmed and profoundly disturbed. I began to cry in a strange and mournful way, and my partner responded by stopping the sex and comforting me. What I got from the scene was that the baby was not big enough to have sex, and that, since my family was very stern and intolerant of crying children, it was incredibly healing to be comforted when I was upset, with no justifications needed. So in one way this scene was a disaster, and in another way it was a healing experience. A new outcome, and a chance to reclaim a part of myself: the baby who wasnt allowed to cry. In case you were worried, the baby is fine and just learned to say \"doggie.\"\n\nWhen you play with emotional risk, plan to spend some time talking about feelings. Honor your feelings, whatever they may be, as the scene reveals them to you \u2013 there is no way that you are \"supposed\" to feel.\n\nAlso remember that you already have psychological defenses that have been protecting you from your own painful stuff. S/M technique may bypass these defenses for a while, but will not disable them. Your normal defenses will return in due time and continue to protect you as well as they always have. Above all, stay conscious and respect the fragility with which you are playing. Deep scenes connect to unmet wants we had long since given up hope of ever fulfilling: take care to honor the terrible vulnerability of yearning. Shadow play requires a commitment from all players to serious exploration, and a willingness to give that exploration the time, energy and respect it deserves.\n\nHOW DO YOU DO IT?\n\nSo you have inklings of some part of yourself that you or your partner wants to explore. The next question becomes: how do you get there?\n\nIf you discovered this space in play by accident, you can return by the same route that got you there in the first place: a role, a script, a costume, a phrase, a whipping or whatever. You might be surprised to find it less scary this time \u2013 when you make the choice to walk a risky path, you are much more in control, and its amazing what the light of consciousness can do to defuse old fears.\n\nYou may already have a script in mind, an old fantasy, something you read that turns you on. A lot of S/M erotica has the primal intensity of myth, because fantasies often express the dynamics that run our unconscious minds.\n\nIf you want to build a fire, first you should build a fireplace. Negotiate. Talk a lot. Obsess a little. Put out your limits, make a place for your bottoms limits. This could be your story, or your bottoms, but you both need to be safe. Talk about fears, fantasies of what might go wrong. Talk about safewords, and what you will do if something in the scene doesnt work out, a fallback position. Remember that practice makes perfect, and if you try something that doesnt work, you will both be more experienced the next time. Dont forget to negotiate time for closure, connection, the gradual return to everyday reality. Negotiate how you will deal with any aftershocks: a phone call? A dinner later in the week?\n\nBEGINNING. Negotiate how you are going to start. You can approach psychological depths by going through old wounds, reenacting abuse, becoming parent, child, perpetrator, bully, brat, crybaby and vicious schoolmarm. You can act out forbidden feelings \u2013 angry, amoral, cruel \u2013 and their equally forbidden opposites, pathetic, needy, frightened, ashamed. Physically, you might gather up the power with bondage, a collar, a blindfold, the order to kneel. Find the feelings that are most powerful for you by going for the juice, the charge, the place where your emotions are strong and scary: this is your fire. You built your fireplace when you negotiated your scene, so you are safe, and you can explore one step at a time. To increase the intensity, you can make heat with friction, tension, resistance \u2013 pushing against each other to amplify, blow up flames from coals.\n\nMIDDLE. What do you do when you get into those intense roles and feelings? Let your physical script support you. For instance, if you and your bottom have agreed on a flogging, as the heat rises you can imagine running your intense feelings down your arm and out the end of the whip into your bottom \u2013 believe us, she will feel it, and you will too.\n\nYou can use any activity as a focus for your energy, and to get more fully into your role. You know your bottom: limits, preferences, what gets the endorphins running, what arouses, what triggers an orgasm.\n\nWho says you have to be consistent? Tops can play from multiple positions in the same scene, from torture, wickedness and betrayal to support, love and nurturance. We see no contradiction in a big bad mean top who has just tortured some poor bottom, now patting that bottom on the back while murmuring \"there, there, poor baby, youre all right now.\" The inquisitor who tortures the sinner must have great love to go to such lengths to save that immortal soul, right?\n\nTechniques of interrogation can be used to confuse and liberate the bottom by generating a double-bind, like ordering someone to tell the truth as you insist that he lie, just like real brainwashing. For betrayal, you can make your bottom struggle to meet your demands and then punish him for succeeding. The ways to create no-win situations for mindfuck are endless, and most of them are based on intensely polarized contrast between hurting and caressing.\n\nENDING. We empower ourselves when we replay old scripts and arrange for them to come out differently. Ideally, all scenes end in a win for both players. The successful completion of a scene gives feelings of competence, mastery, control and empowerment, and as the top you can reinforce those feelings in your bottom by offering praise for how well she took the sensations, or followed your orders, or by letting your bottom know how good you feel, how turned on you are. He can tell you how wonderful you are too.\n\nMost of what we dig up from our shadows consists of feelings or roles that we have some shame about, so sharing that piece of ourselves is powerfully intimate. We are letting another person into a part of ourselves that we ourselves may have rejected. And when that person accepts us, complete with our old tapes, and responds with erotic enthusiasm, then we get the ultimate validation: love given to the part of ourselves that we may fear the most.\n\nYou close a deep scene just as you close any other scene, only make sure you do it. Dont skimp on time and energy for the return trip to the so-called real world. When you prepare for voyaging in the shadows, discuss how much time you will have afterwards, if anyone thinks he may want time alone, if you will sleep together, whatever feels most comfortable. Do allow lots of time for snuggling and good feelings, and do check back in over the next several days so you both can talk about any aftershocks you may experience.\n\nWHAT ABOUT THERAPY? Does deep psychological play make the top into a therapist? Emphatically not. Shadow play can be therapeutic, and indeed healing, but is very different from a therapeutic relationship. Ideally, your relationship with a professional therapist is an island where you can explore your inner truth with no consequences in the rest of your life. A BDSM scene is also an island, but with very different rules and boundaries.\n\nIf you find yourself digging up a profound conflict, maybe in the form of intense emotions, panicky feelings or flashbacks to old trauma, you might well want to seek therapy, whether or not you plan to play with this dynamic in S/M. When an old conflict opens up, there is opportunity for healing, and therapy will not only protect your partner from having to be your therapist, but will allow you to work on your issues at a time that is very likely to be profitable for you. In the Resource Guide, you will find a website that lists BDSM-friendly therapists and a couple of books that can help you find and talk to one.\n\nSHADOWS AND REBIRTH\n\nThere is a Native American medicine story about Crow who dances between the worlds. At one time Crow became fascinated with her shadow. She could not leave it alone. She kept looking at it, scratching it, poking at it, pecking it, until her shadow woke up and came to life. Then Crows shadow ate her.\n\nIn this story, Crow gets chewed up to emerge transformed, with the ability to travel between the everyday world and the spirit world. Many myths feature heroes and heroines who travel into the shadows, get destroyed and then reborn, transformed and enlightened by the experience. These stories warn that travel in the shadow is both dangerous and rewarding. We have written here what we know about how to travel as safely as possible in your precious darkness. If your intuition tells you that this kind of play does not feel safe or growthful to you, we suggest that you trust your inner wisdom and refrain. Perhaps later you may feel differently, and perhaps you will not. Perhaps another path will work better for your journey to self-knowledge.\n\nOnce again, all BDSM play is shadow play \u2013 when we play together, we find acceptance for emotions and behaviors that would be unacceptable outside scene space. And we believe that all play is potentially, and potently, healing and growthful. When we venture purposefully into our darkest shadows, we get to write our own script, determine the outcome, validate forbidden and rejected parts of ourselves, reclaim parts of ourselves that we had lost or buried, and find ways to grasp all the parts of ourselves, every single one, in a profound act of self-acceptance through which we may become whole.\n"}
-{"input": " Write a section for a guidebook about \"S/M Spirituality: From the Top\" that covers the following topics:\n\n1. Introduction to S/M spirituality: Explain the idea that sex is spiritual and discuss how sexuality can be a path to question individual and social programming. Mention the role of sexuality in healing from childhoods and a sex-negative culture.\n\n2. Michel Foucault's insights: Briefly discuss Michel Foucault's insights into the relationship between power and sex and how attempts to distinguish specific \"sexualities\" are an artifact of a culture that fears and fences off sex, especially unusual sex.\n\n3. The Collective Unconscious and the Shadow: Describe Carl Jung's concept of the Collective Unconscious and the Shadow, the dark and scary reservoir of everything we have decided to banish from our awareness. Explain how the Shadow becomes the gateway to travel deeper into universal consciousness or spiritual awareness.\n\n4. S/M ritual as a spiritual path: Define ritual S/M as edge play directed towards attaining altered states of consciousness and discuss the goals of such scenes, such as seeking guidance, pursuing personal truth and understanding, or experiencing spiritual communion.\n\n5. Example of an S/M ritual: Provide an example of an S/M ritual, such as the scene based on the act of chanting in which Dossie and her bottom sought release in their grief over a mutual friend and mentor they had lost to AIDS.\n\n6. Edge play and the role of the top: Discuss the concept of edge play and the role of the top in heightening awareness and guiding the bottom through the ritual. Mention the importance of clean intentions, clear boundaries, and mutual openness.\n\n7. Ritual practice: Provide guidance on how to make an S/M scene into a ritual, including creating a sacred space, cleansing the participants and the space, creating a focus with candles, music, and other objects, and choosing carefully who and what is allowed close to you in ritual space.\n\n8. Planning and negotiating: Discuss the importance of negotiating the ritual just like any other scene, taking into account the needs and limits of all parties involved. Mention that an S/M ritual may or may not incorporate genital sex, pain, or opening the skin and that good ritual has a beginning, middle, and end.\n\n9. The power of ritual and magic: Emphasize the power of ritual and symbolic acts to manifest energy in the real world, bring spirit into the bodies and onto the planet, and realize personal power. Warn against treating ritual frivolously and stress the importance of mindfulness and respect.", "response": "\n\n16\n\nS/M SPIRITUALITY: FROM THE TOP\n\nSex is spiritual. We live in a culture that has historically insisted that sex and spirituality are mutually exclusive, in a country founded by puritans who were convinced that God hated sex. But as radical perverts, our experience and our belief is that sex is spiritual, and that a simple honest orgasm is a spiritual experience.\n\nSexuality has been a path for both of us \u2013 the road we originally took to question our individual and social programming. Discovering the ways in which we as women could grasp our sexuality was a powerful way to heal from our childhoods and from our sex-negative culture. We have proceeded from that healing to further self-exploration, and to celebrating our spirituality in the practice of S/M.\n\nMichel Foucault, a 20th-century philosopher whose insights into the relationship between power and sex have informed a great deal of current thinking about BDSM, tells us that attempts to distinguish and set apart specific \"sexualities\" are an artifact of a culture that fears and fences off sex, especially unusual sex. Your authors believe that if our culture truly accepted its sexuality, we would all instinctively understand that sexual energy flows through everything all the time, like spiritual energy, like the life force, like the Tao, like a river. The cosmic river flows through each of us, bearing nourishment, washing away what we no longer need, making us wet. With S/M as our boat, we can travel on that river to and beyond our wildest dreams.\n\nSHADOW AND SPIRIT\n\nRemember the diagram in the previous chapter of Carl Jungs map of the human mind? Jung understood spirituality as both a personal and a universal awareness that he called the Collective Unconscious. We told you before about the Shadow, that dark and scary reservoir of everything we have decided to banish from our awareness. And in this murky realm we find the archetypes we play with, the pantheons of villains and rescuers, that offer us scripts for exploring our Unconscious minds, and ultimately that Collective Unconscious. We explained how we use S/M to explore our darkness, illuminate it with our clear awareness, and reclaim forbidden territory as psychological healing, a way of becoming whole. And all of this is spiritual.\n\nWhen we add ritual to our S/M, performing it with spiritual intention, we can travel deeper yet\u2026 beyond the personal unconscious mind and into universal consciousness, or spiritual awareness. So the shadow, our personal garbage pit, becomes the gateway through which we pass to travel in realms beyond ordinary consciousness, like Crow who dances between the worlds.\n\nS/M RITUAL AS SPIRITUAL PATH\n\nRitual S/M is edge play directed to the purpose of attaining altered states of consciousness, of traveling beyond our habitual perceptual screens to another way of being in which everything becomes special, extraordinary, brilliant. Goals for such a scene might be a quest for guidance or a vision, the pursuit of personal truth and understanding, or the experience of spiritual communion for its own sake.\n\nS/M players have devised rituals for these purposes by mixing our sexual exploration and our own personal mythologies (our S/M roles and stories, like The Kidnapping of the Pleasure Slave) with spiritual practices we learn from other traditions: kundalini yoga, the rites of Kali, vision quest, wherever we find the images that help us manifest what is beyond our ability to imagine. Take, for example, a scene based on the simple act of chanting. Dossie recalls:\n\n> My bottom and I were in deep grief over a mutual friend and mentor we had lost to AIDS, and we had decided to seek release in ritual S/M. I tied her to a padded table and flogged her to the point of weeping, all the while chanting \"Om Krim Kalyae Namaha,\" an invocation to Kali, the terrifying Hindu goddess of death and birth. As I struck with the whip in rhythm with the chant, I felt myself go into trance, the words of the chant serving to occupy my conscious mind, leaving me free to feel the energy flowing through the whip, my bottoms grief surging beneath me, until I felt in myself Kali the inexorable, the implacable force of nature which dictates that everything we love must die. My partner struggled with her grief, writhing and thrashing, held safe by the bondage, and wept copiously, chanting \"Jaia Ma,\" an invocation to the Mother goddess, over and over, until both of our grief and despair had been fully poured out, and we had reached a sense of exhausted peace with the universe. The Hindus say of Kali that there is no way to understand her, no logic to explain her, no justification \u2013 she is like a storm, we have no choice but to love her, and in that love, come to acceptance of our human condition.\n\nEDGE PLAY. The edge in edge play is found wherever your edge is, wherever things start to feel risky, where you start to feel vulnerable, the edge of the cliff that looks over your personal abyss. Playing on the edge challenges the top into heightened awareness. A bondage top of our acquaintance specializes in rope suspension, the art of hanging a bottom in mid air supported by nothing but rope. The challenge of playing on the edge of her skill and knowledge brings her into her top space, and awakens her psychic and spiritual power. Sometimes she has visions and sees animal spirits. She sees her task as to open and balance the body so the spirit \u2013 kundalini energy \u2013 can flow through freely. When the bondage sends the bottom flying, sex may have a place as a grounding sensation, bringing the person back into his or her body in a state of bliss. In the balance of bondage, we play with suspension, with suspense, with gravity, with the energy of the entire planet.\n\nPeople experience spirituality in many different ways, and all of them are valid. It has been said that any path, walked with mindfulness and honesty, can lead to enlightenment. What different descriptions of spiritual awakening often have in common is the feeling of casting off everyday consciousness and opening to beautiful, potent energy from inside or outside yourself. BDSM has the power to open up perceptions so that you can see more than you usually do, become hyperconscious. Imagine the slave who is completely attuned to his masters needs, wants, and whims, reading signals with extraordinary accuracy, predicting a desire before it even becomes conscious. Now imagine that hyperawareness extended into the outer and inner universe\u2026\n\nLets not forget that ordinary consciousness is really extraordinary too, a miracle whose workings we have not even begun to fathom. Even our defenses, that we complain about when we have difficulty opening up, should be honored, because they form the skin that protects and contains us. Our ego is both our mask and our means of communication, how we define the boundaries between ourselves and the person beside us, how we hide and how we show ourselves. So honor your defenses, your shell, your mask, even when you are in the process of putting them aside. Thank them for protecting you.\n\nROLES IN RITUAL. To top in ritual S/M, you need to be a responsible guide. You need to train yourself, develop your own spiritual practice, and educate yourself far beyond what you can learn from reading this one chapter in this one small book. You must be ready to care for your bottom, to operate from your own most serious wisdom, to trust and honor your bottoms wisdom, and always to empower your bottom. To use ritual to aggrandize yourself or to bolster your flagging ego by belittling your bottom is unethical, and a violation of sacred space. The priests role is often to serve the communicant.\n\nWhen both people in a ritual let their masks down they recognize one another in a way that permits that validation of all the parts of themselves. They may express those parts as personae they have discovered through the archetypes, the images of the divine manifest in human form that we call gods and goddesses \u2013 or they may simply feel what is absolutely real, needing no further definition.\n\nStart by knowing yourself, and knowing your intention. Be clean in your intentions, and keep the boundaries clear. Respect that the bottom is allowing you to come into his or her most precious places, opening up to allow you deeper contact, contributing spirit and courage to this journey.\n\nS/M ritual requires mutual openness, which means that you, the top, must also be willing to expose yourself, to get vulnerable, to make connection. It is possible to open a bottoms psyche up with good ritual technique, but to pour yourself into him when he is open, and to allow him to pour into you, requires that you be open too. When you open the energy in yourself it becomes a light by which you can find that energy in another. You put yourself in a position that requires empathy and psychic connection, and so you are more likely to find it.\n\nThe top starts out as a caretaker, and that task and the empathy it requires can open up the dance for you. When we set out to teach a spiritual truth to another, we must consciously grasp our own wisdom: the final stage of learning is to teach what we know to another. The skilled top becomes the shaman, the dramaturge, the spirit guide, the magician who pulls down energy from the cosmos. The bottom contributes to and shares in that energy as you send him or her out spinning into personal visions, while you, as top, get to ride your bottoms energy and discover yet more of your own potential, your potency, your power. When we see our spirit reflected in the magic mirror of our bottoms glowing eyes, we become free to realize the god/dess within.\n\nRITUAL PRACTICE\n\nSo how do you make an S/M scene into a ritual? A ritual is the performance of a series of symbolic acts that work like keys to change our state of awareness. To do ritual successfully, we begin by creating a sacred space, a place free of interruptions or everyday constraints, a safe space of mutual trust and respect, an optimum space to focus on the journeying. We clear the everyday stuff out of the way so we can feel the subtler energy of spiritual consciousness.\n\nStart with cleansing both of you, individually or together. A bath scented with fresh lemons or a bubble bath will do fine \u2013 its the attention you focus on the cleansing that achieves it. Imagine washing all the tension off and letting it gurgle down the drain. Let your attention travel over your entire body, feeling how the warm water relaxes each part, allowing vibrant energy to fill you up. Visualize each little source of tension, each little worry, each little attachment dissolving and flowing into the sea.\n\nPack up all your cares and woes\u2026 try writing them on a piece of paper and putting the paper in your freezer for a time. Respect your cares by promising them that you will return to pick them up again when your ritual is over. They may be different by then.\n\nCleanse the space, the room in which you will play out your ritual. Sweep, dust, remove dissonant objects, bring in fresh sheets and towels, sweeten the air with herbs or incense. Perform these humble acts with all the consciousness you can bring to them.\n\nCreate a focus in the space, a setting for your journey, with candles, music, pillows to nestle in, perhaps an altar of objects that carry special significance. In time you may develop your own symbol system \u2013 images and stories, deities, crystals, bones, whatever resonates for you \u2013 your personal symbol structure is your web of connection with the flow of nature and the divine, keys that open the doors to heightened states of consciousness.\n\nIn ritual space, choose carefully who and what you allow close to you \u2013 when your mask is off, you are both more open and more vulnerable. As we cleanse and protect our sacred space, we build a safe hearth to contain some very wild fires.\n\nPLANNING AND NEGOTIATING. Rituals get negotiated just like any other scene, by talking about what is important to each of you, preparing to validate and respect everyones needs and limits. An S/M ritual may or may not incorporate genital sex. It may or may not incorporate pain. It may or may not include opening the skin. And then again it may. You can ritualize anything by doing it with intention, and you give a special significance to instruments that you employ in ritual. So clean all your toys too.\n\nThe physical focus of a ritual might be a flogging, or other intense stimulus to raise endorphins. Bondage can be ritual in and of itself, a meditation on rope and constraint, muscles and limbs, balance. You can open the skin with piercings or cutting, for the sensation of it, to imprint a mark of symbolic meaning, or to connect through that opening.\n\nGood ritual has a beginning, a middle and an end. It starts by defining where you are, by cleaning and by forming a circle or enclosed psychic space, and by defining your intention \u2013 perhaps with a statement to your partner, perhaps with an invocation to whatever deity has relevance to your purpose. In the middle you perform the acts you have agreed upon, and see where they take you. The end is closure, in which you return to normal consciousness, often by going back over the symbolic path that you walked in the beginning, thanking the powers and deities on the way, and returning any energy you may have raised that you can no longer use. Some players offer that energy to the greater good, like world peace or healing the environment: the Buddhists call this a dedication of merit.\n\nRitual works. Symbolic acts have real consequences in our lives, the power of pulling down energy to manifest in the real world, of bringing spirit into our bodies and onto the planet, of realizing. It is dangerous to treat ritual frivolously, as if symbolic acts wont change anything. Magic works. Take care, be mindful. Have respect.\n\nWe are using the metaphors of power and cosmic energy interchangeably, because our understanding is that personal power is the universal life force, power that we can access whether we envision it as coming from within or from outside us. Janet, when a scene is working well, feels energy from some external source pour into her like white light \u2013 others report seeing that light in her too. When this is happening, she feels as if she can do no wrong, that she is totally connected to what she is doing with her bottom. Dossie feels the energy welling up from within herself, or perhaps from underneath her, power from the earths hot molten interior, and when that power is with her she also feels totally empowered and in total communication with her bottom.\n\nWith that power \u2013 personal, planetary, cosmic \u2013 comes the understanding that we are all manifestations of the same energy, and that we have the power to change how we manifest ourselves. This is the power of transformation, and of transcendence. To manifest is to realize, to make real and thereby understand. In S/M we take a fantasy, a myth, a vision or a dream and manifest it, live it out in our bodies, sculpt it with the forces of endorphins, eroticism and consciousness, and bring it into the material world.\n"}
-{"input": "  Write a section for a book on \"The Light That Shines in the Darkness\" that explores the following themes related to BDSM and personal growth:\n\n1. The connection between sadomasochism and heroic myths: Discuss how sadomasochists are always playing out heroic myths and exploring altered awareness in their practice. Emphasize that all BDSM is to some degree ritual, a voyage of self-discovery, and a journey through the darkness and toward the light of transcendence.\n\n2. The importance of entering the darkness: Explain that the darkness may be of our own creating, but we still cannot see what is in there until we are courageous enough to enter it. Describe how our own consciousness becomes the light that shines in the darkness and illuminates our inner landscape.\n\n3. The archangel Lucifer: Discuss the concept of the archangel Lucifer, who is often pictured as a frightening goatish demon of evil and darkness. Explain that the name Lucifer actually means light-bearer and that he is the fallen angel who goes into unfathomable darkness with an unquenchable light inside him, carrying the power of the villain and of the emancipator.\n\n4. The transformative power of darkness: Describe how the darkness of the earth, in the cool depths where seeds germinate, is where the material of waste and decay is transformed into fertilizer for new life. Explain how, in an S/M scene, personal demons can be evoked to dig up the darkest and most difficult aspects of life's journey and transform that \"shit\" into a \"rose garden\" through the magic of erotic energy.\n\n5. The role of the magician and the cauldron: Discuss the concept of the bottom as the cauldron in which the magician (the top) performs their miracles. Emphasize that S/M is sex magic and that the practitioners are the magicians, who can turn lead into gold, misery into exaltation, bondage into liberation, and sex into revelation through their interaction and magic.\n\n6. Conclusion: Wish the reader a great journey and offer blessings for a transformative and empowering experience in their exploration of BDSM and personal growth. Sign the section with the names of the authors and the date of publication.", "response": "\n\n17\n\nTHE LIGHT THAT SHINES IN THE DARKNESS\n\n> Who tells me Thou art dark\n\n> Oh my Mother divine?\n\n> Thousands of suns and moons\n\n> From Thy body do shine!\n\n> \u2014 translation of a Hindu chant to Kali\n\nWe sadomasochists are always playing out heroic myths, and exploring altered awareness. What lies beyond the edge, over the cliff? The journey leads into darkness, into the unknown, where we must walk with care because we cannot see our footing, like exploring in caves deep under the earth. Thus, all BDSM is to some degree ritual \u2013 a voyage of self-discovery, a journey through the darkness and toward the light of transcendence.\n\nThe darkness may be of our own creating, but we still cannot see what is in there until we are courageous enough to enter it. Then it is our own consciousness that becomes the light that shines in the darkness, that illuminates our inner landscape as if we carried spotlights in our metaphysical (or metaphorical) eyes.\n\nThe archangel of the territory of the Earth is Lucifer, often pictured as a frightening goatish demon of evil and darkness. But the name Lucifer actually means light-bearer; he is the fallen angel who goes into unfathomable darkness with an unquenchable light inside him, and who carries the power of the villain and of the emancipator.\n\nIt is within the darkness of the earth, in the cool depths where seeds germinate, that the material of waste and decay is transformed into fertilizer for new life. When we evoke our personal demons in an S/M scene, we dig up the darkest and most difficult aspects of lifes journey, and with the magic of erotic energy transform that shit into our rose garden.\n\nS/M is sex magic, and you are the magician. The bottom is the cauldron in which you perform your miracles. Wave your wand, and make magic happen\u2026 as you mix your bottoms power and your own, heat them up with the fire of passion, and with that potent precious power turn lead into gold, misery into exaltation, bondage into liberation and sex into revelation.\n\nSo have a great journey, with our blessings \u2013 and more power to you.\n\nCatherine A. Liszt\n\nDossie Easton\n\nJanuary, 2003\n"}
-{"input": " Write a resource guide section for a book on BDSM that includes the following information:\n\n1. Introduction: Explain that this section aims to provide a starting point for the reader's journey in exploring BDSM further. Mention that not all excellent resources can be included and encourage the reader to seek out additional information on their own.\n\n2. Books: List a selection of recommended books on BDSM, including their titles, authors, and publishers. Note that some of the best books on BDSM might be out of print and that readers should consider seeking out used copies if possible.\n\n3. Periodicals: Provide information on BDSM-related periodicals, including their names, publishers, and contact details (such as website addresses or mailing addresses).\n\n4. Organizations: List various BDSM clubs, organizations, and support groups, along with their names, websites, and mailing addresses.\n\n5. Websites and online resources: Include a list of websites and online resources that readers can use to find additional information on BDSM, such as links to hundreds of BDSM clubs and organizations, munches, and other resources worldwide, as well as online discussion forums and newsgroups related to BDSM.", "response": "\n\nRESOURCE GUIDE\n\nWe cant possibly include all the excellent resources \u2013 print, online and groups \u2013 that can help you in your journey as a bottom. Please consider this section as a jumping-off point so you can go on making discoveries on your own.\n\nBOOKS\n\nNote: Some of the best books on BDSM are currently out of print. We encourage you to seek out used copies if possible.\n\nComing to Power: Writings and Graphics on Lesbian S/M, by Samois. Alyson Publications, Boston.\n\nThe Complete Guide to Safer Sex, Ted McIlvenna et al. Barricade Books, Fort Lee, NJ.\n\nConsensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely, by William A. Henkin, Ph.D. and Sybil Holiday. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nDifferent Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs. Random House, NY.\n\nExhibitionism for the Shy, by Carol Queen. Down There Press, San Francisco.\n\nJay Wisemans Erotic Bondage Handbook, by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nLearning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S-M Lovemaking by Race Bannon. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nLeatherfolk, edited by Mark Thompson. Alyson Publications, Los Angeles.\n\nLeathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player, by Joseph Bean. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nThe Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia. Alyson Publications, Boston.\n\nThe Loving Dominant, John Warren. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nThe Masters Manual, Jack Rinella. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nPartners In Power: Living In Kinky Relationships, Jack Rinella. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, by Philip Miller &Molly Devon. Mystic Rose Books, Fairfield, CT.\n\nSensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Lovers, by Pat Califia. Cleis Press, San Francisco.\n\nSM 101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nThe New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nTies That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style \u2013 Issues, Commentaries and Advice, by Guy Baldwin. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nPERIODICALS\n\nPrometheus. Published by The Eulenspiegel Society. www.tes.org, or TES, PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-2783.\n\nORGANIZATIONS\n\nBlack Rose, Washington, DC. www.br.org.\n\nThe Eulenspiegel Society, New York. www.tes.org, or PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-2783.\n\nGay Mens SM Activists, www.gmsma.org.\n\nLesbian Sex Mafia, New York. www.lesbiansexmafia.org.\n\nNational Leather Association International. www.nla-i.org, or 4038 Cedar Springs Road, #961, Dallas, Texas 75219.\n\nThe Society of Janus, San Francisco. www.soj.org, or P.O. Box 411523, San Francisco, CA 94141-1523, 415-292-3222\n\nWEBSITES &ON-LINE RESOURCES\n\nwww.domsubfriends.com offers links to hundreds of BDSM clubs, organizations, munches and other resources worldwide.\n\nThe Usenet newsgroup soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm is a freewheeling open discussion of all topics related to BDSM (and quite a few that arent).\n"}
-{"input": " Write a poem about the power and beauty of screaming during intimate moments. The poem should:\n\n1. Begin with the word \"Scream\" to immediately capture the reader's attention.\n\n2. Describe the scream as originating from the person's lungs, filling their whole body.\n\n3. Express the scream as a release that the person can't contain or let out.\n\n4. Connect the scream to a storm that blows through the person, like wind and smoke.\n\n5. Mention that the scream is so large that others around might feel the need to take in air.\n\n6. Express the speaker's love for the scream, emphasizing its emotional impact.\n\n7. Describe the scream as moving through the person's beautiful body, particularly their tears and holes.\n\n8. Mention the collective power of screams, referencing all those who have ever screamed.\n\n9. Encourage the person to scream into the speaker's mouth, cunt, and clever hands.\n\n10. Encourage the person to scream into the poem itself.\n\n11. End the poem with a tender request for the person to scream for the speaker when they suffer for them.", "response": "\n\nSCREAM  \n  \nBY JANET W. HARDY\n\nfrom lungs that fill your whole body\n\nScream\n\nbecause you cant keep it in and you wont let it out\n\nScream\n\nthe storm that blows ocean through you, wind, smoke\n\nScream\n\nso huge I have to suck in air to help\n\nI love your scream\n\nbecause you scream tears into my eyes\n\nI love your scream\n\nbecause it howls through all your beautiful holes\n\nI love your scream\n\nbecause of everybody who has ever screamed\n\nScream into my mouth\n\nScream into my cunt\n\nScream into my clever hands\n\nScream into this poem\n\nLover, when you suffer for me\n\nScream for me\n"}
+{"input": " 1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"foreword\".\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"Welcome to The New Topping Book. About ten years ago, we published a small volume called The Bottoming Book, which took the revolutionary stance that bottoming was as high an art as topping and that skilled and ethical bottoms were integral to hot play. No sooner had it come out than we started hearing from tops who wanted to know when we were going to do the same thing for topping. Hence The Topping Book, originally published in 1994.\"\n3. Q: What is the second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The second paragraph of text in the section is \"But in the last eight years we\u2019ve seen huge and important changes in BDSM culture (including the popularization of the very word BDSM!). Our communities have grown tremendously \u2013 largely due to the Internet, which was in its toddlerhood at our last writing \u2013 and become much more visible. And we, your authors, are proud to have been part of this evolution. So: The New Topping Book.\"\n4. Q: What is the third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The third paragraph of text in the section is \"WHAT\u2019S CHANGED?\"\n5. Q: What is the fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"As we wrote in The New Bottoming Book:\"\n6. Q: What is the fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M culture has massively emerged from the closet. There are dozens of books, endless information on the Internet, national and international conferences publicly held in major hotels, support groups everywhere \u2013 we are no longer the ghettoized subculture that we used to be. More people are connecting to S/M, finding others like themselves, and realizing that they are very much not alone with their kinky fantasies.\"\n7. Q: What is the sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"THE INTERNET. The \u2019Net has become a major player in the BDSM scene. Along with providing lots of information about kink and connection to like-minded people, the Internet is also exerting a major influence on the content of BDSM. Many things can be done in virtual play that would be difficult to manifest in reality: for instance, we know individuals who are engaged in ownership relationships with people they have never met in person. And so new ways of playing are being devised, and participants are engaging in ever deeper explorations of the psychological aspects of S/M, including extensive dialogue about how our fantasies can inform us about ourselves. The challenge of interacting with people all over the world, people that you\u2019ve never seen face to face, has created a whole universe of possibilities for relationships, interactions and new knowledge. We\u2019ll discuss the \u2019Net and its ramifications at much greater length later in this book\"\n8. Q: What is the seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"D&S. Over the last ten years, we have also seen rapid growth and evolution of the dominance and submission aspect of BDSM, with extensive discussion of how the relationship dynamic between two or more persons can be expanded, intensified and eroticized by a conscious and consensual shift in the workings of power and control. We\u2019ve included a lot more information about D&S in its various forms in this book.\"\n9. Q: What is the eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"MORE OF US. Meanwhile, as the scene has become more accessible, more and more new people are joining. This growth in population has made its own changes to the scene, and there is increased market for products and services, which offers much more support for the teachers, artists and craftspeople of our community.\"\n10. Q: What is the ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"For us this growth has offered an expanded opportunity in the form of a much wider audience for our writing. When we wrote the initial Bottoming Book, publishing in this area was so economically constrained that we had to keep the book under 120 pages because if it got bigger than that we couldn\u2019t afford to print it. How\u2019s that for basic? We are proud to announce that our books are now widely distributed, our publisher well established, and we can afford to speak our minds at whatever length we choose.\"\n11. Q: What is the tenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The tenth paragraph of text in the section is \"LANGUAGE. One thing we learned in writing and selling The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book was that many potential readers were overlooking the books, feeling that the terms \u201cdominant\u201d and \u201csubmissive\u201d were a closer fit for their experience of BDSM. We certainly never intended that, nor do we think it appropriate. Semantics vary widely throughout the kinky world, from one region to the next, one sexual orientation to the next, one playstyle to the next. The way we learned the terms when we first came out into this wonderful and varied world, \u201ctop\u201d is an umbrella term that includes people who like to play on the giving end of sensation and pain, bondage, control and discipline and all the other activities that make up the universe of BDSM. And \u201cbottom,\u201d of course, is the umbrella term for all those who like to be the lucky recipients of such attention.\"\n12. Q: What is the eleventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eleventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Indeed, as more and more people want to talk about kink both in the cyber- and real worlds, we are constantly evolving new language and terminology to describe our experiences. And do we all agree on what these new terms mean? Of course not! A definition can be visualized as a way to make a fence around a word so that we can clearly distinguish what is inside and what is outside the meaning of the word. This works great for science and mathematics, but can be a problem when we are describing our physical, sexual and emotional experience \u2013 especially the experience between two or more of us.\"\n13. Q: What is the twelfth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twelfth paragraph of text in the section is \"So our approach to language in this book is to assume inclusive rather than exclusive meanings for all the words we use. Furthermore, we acknowledge more than two genders, and also that many of us explore more than one sense of gender. Common language usage has very few ways to denote the full range of gender expression. In the first edition of Topping Book we wrote \u201cs/he\u201d in an attempt to include everybody. In our later books, we alternated using he or she, mostly by paragraphs, which seemed to read more smoothly and provide interesting opportunities to challenge gender stereotyping, so we have rearranged this edition accordingly.\"\n14. Q: What is the thirteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"On another linguistic front, here is much public discussion and dissent about what to call what we do. Variously our activities have been described as: BDSM, perversion, sadomasochism, S/M, dominance and submission, D/S, altsex, bondage and discipline, B/D, leathersex, kink, erotic power exchange, fetishism, wiitwd (what it is that we do), powerplay, shadowplay, topping and bottoming, sex magic and radical perversion.\"\n15. Q: What is the fourteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Similarly, the people who do these things are known as: perverts, tops, bottoms, masters, mistresses, slaves, dominants, submissives, daddies, mommies, pitchers, catchers, boys, bois, girls, babies, pets, ponies, puppies, sissies, leatherpeople, players and more.\"\n16. Q: What is the fifteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"All these words have slightly different meanings, and you will definitely meet people who choose one of these terms and not the others because that is what best describes their desire. We, however, enjoy all of these aspects of our play, and would be very distressed to have to choose only one category. Thus, as we see it, pigeonholing limits our experience, and we are explorative girls who always want more. So in this edition, we will use all of these terms to describe the whole world of S/M play, except when we are focusing on one particular aspect of play, and we will use these terms, as we do the gender pronouns, interchangeably throughout the text.\"\n17. Q: What is the sixteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"THE INTERLUDES. Since no amount of abstract instruction carries the same weight as the stuff that happens in the real world, throughout this book we\u2019ve included a few stories of wonderful scenes we\u2019ve done, watched or heard about, just to give you an idea of the wide range of activities that can be included under the umbrella term \u201ctopping.\u201d\n18. Q: What is the seventeenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventeenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Please don\u2019t take these scenes as blueprints, or even as ideals of \u201cperfect\u201d scenes. They\u2019re just representative of a few different playstyles, ways of building energy and connecting and having hot sexy fun together.\"\n19. Q: What is the eighteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"WE\u2019VE CHANGED TOO. The two of us have matured, which we hope would happen for any of you in ten years. Our children are no longer children, our careers have ripened, our bodies have aged.\"\n20. Q: What is the nineteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The nineteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"In fact, one of us has changed so much that even her name has changed. The one of us who wrote the first Topping Book as \u201cCatherine A. Liszt\u201d did so under a pseudonym, because at the time she had minor children whose boundaries she wanted to protect. Now that her children have grown to adulthood, \u201cCatherine\u201d is now writing and publishing under her real name, Janet W. Hardy.\"\n21. Q: What is the twentieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twentieth paragraph of text in the section is \"And we know more than we used to. So the final reason to make a new edition of The Topping Book is to share with you everything new that we have learned in the last nine years about our beloved world of BDSM.\"", "response": "  \n  \nforeword\n\nRE-VISIONING\n\nWelcome to The New Topping Book. About ten years ago, we published a small volume called The Bottoming Book, which took the revolutionary stance that bottoming was as high an art as topping and that skilled and ethical bottoms were integral to hot play. No sooner had it come out than we started hearing from tops who wanted to know when we were going to do the same thing for topping. Hence The Topping Book, originally published in 1994.\n\nBut in the last eight years we\u2019ve seen huge and important changes in BDSM culture (including the popularization of the very word BDSM!). Our communities have grown tremendously \u2013 largely due to the Internet, which was in its toddlerhood at our last writing \u2013 and become much more visible. And we, your authors, are proud to have been part of this evolution. So: The New Topping Book.\n\nWHAT\u2019S CHANGED?\n\n> As we wrote in The New Bottoming Book:\n\n> S/M culture has massively emerged from the closet. There are dozens of books, endless information on the Internet, national and international conferences publicly held in major hotels, support groups everywhere \u2013 we are no longer the ghettoized subculture that we used to be. More people are connecting to S/M, finding others like themselves, and realizing that they are very much not alone with their kinky fantasies.\n\nTHE INTERNET. The \u2019Net has become a major player in the BDSM scene. Along with providing lots of information about kink and connection to like-minded people, the Internet is also exerting a major influence on the content of BDSM. Many things can be done in virtual play that would be difficult to manifest in reality: for instance, we know individuals who are engaged in ownership relationships with people they have never met in person. And so new ways of playing are being devised, and participants are engaging in ever deeper explorations of the psychological aspects of S/M, including extensive dialogue about how our fantasies can inform us about ourselves. The challenge of interacting with people all over the world, people that you\u2019ve never seen face to face, has created a whole universe of possibilities for relationships, interactions and new knowledge. We\u2019ll discuss the \u2019Net and its ramifications at much greater length later in this book\n\nD&S. Over the last ten years, we have also seen rapid growth and evolution of the dominance and submission aspect of BDSM, with extensive discussion of how the relationship dynamic between two or more persons can be expanded, intensified and eroticized by a conscious and consensual shift in the workings of power and control. We\u2019ve included a lot more information about D&S in its various forms in this book.\n\nMORE OF US. Meanwhile, as the scene has become more accessible, more and more new people are joining. This growth in population has made its own changes to the scene, and there is increased market for products and services, which offers much more support for the teachers, artists and craftspeople of our community.\n\nFor us this growth has offered an expanded opportunity in the form of a much wider audience for our writing. When we wrote the initial Bottoming Book, publishing in this area was so economically constrained that we had to keep the book under 120 pages because if it got bigger than that we couldn\u2019t afford to print it. How\u2019s that for basic? We are proud to announce that our books are now widely distributed, our publisher well established, and we can afford to speak our minds at whatever length we choose.\n\nLANGUAGE. One thing we learned in writing and selling The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book was that many potential readers were overlooking the books, feeling that the terms \u201cdominant\u201d and \u201csubmissive\u201d were a closer fit for their experience of BDSM. We certainly never intended that, nor do we think it appropriate. Semantics vary widely throughout the kinky world, from one region to the next, one sexual orientation to the next, one playstyle to the next. The way we learned the terms when we first came out into this wonderful and varied world, \u201ctop\u201d is an umbrella term that includes people who like to play on the giving end of sensation and pain, bondage, control and discipline and all the other activities that make up the universe of BDSM. And \u201cbottom,\u201d of course, is the umbrella term for all those who like to be the lucky recipients of such attention. Whether you consider yourself a master or mistress, an owner or trainer, a dominant, a sadist, a daddy or mommy, or any other terminology that fits your community and your life, you\u2019ll find something for you in this book.\n\nIndeed, as more and more people want to talk about kink both in the cyber- and real worlds, we are constantly evolving new language and terminology to describe our experiences. And do we all agree on what these new terms mean? Of course not! A definition can be visualized as a way to make a fence around a word so that we can clearly distinguish what is inside and what is outside the meaning of the word. This works great for science and mathematics, but can be a problem when we are describing our physical, sexual and emotional experience \u2013 especially the experience between two or more of us. (See? We can\u2019t even assume that a relationship means only two people.)\n\nSo our approach to language in this book is to assume inclusive rather than exclusive meanings for all the words we use. Furthermore, we acknowledge more than two genders, and also that many of us explore more than one sense of gender. Common language usage has very few ways to denote the full range of gender expression. In the first edition of Topping Book we wrote \u201cs/he\u201d in an attempt to include everybody. In our later books, we alternated using he or she, mostly by paragraphs, which seemed to read more smoothly and provide interesting opportunities to challenge gender stereotyping, so we have rearranged this edition accordingly.\n\nOn another linguistic front, here is much public discussion and dissent about what to call what we do. Variously our activities have been described as: BDSM, perversion, sadomasochism, S/M, dominance and submission, D/S, altsex, bondage and discipline, B/D, leathersex, kink, erotic power exchange, fetishism, wiitwd (what it is that we do), powerplay, shadowplay, topping and bottoming, sex magic and radical perversion. Similarly, the people who do these things are known as: perverts, tops, bottoms, masters, mistresses, slaves, dominants, submissives, daddies, mommies, pitchers, catchers, boys, bois, girls, babies, pets, ponies, puppies, sissies, leatherpeople, players and more.\n\nAll these words have slightly different meanings, and you will definitely meet people who choose one of these terms and not the others because that is what best describes their desire. We, however, enjoy all of these aspects of our play, and would be very distressed to have to choose only one category. Thus, as we see it, pigeonholing limits our experience, and we are explorative girls who always want more. So in this edition, we will use all of these terms to describe the whole world of S/M play, except when we are focusing on one particular aspect of play, and we will use these terms, as we do the gender pronouns, interchangeably throughout the text.\n\nTHE INTERLUDES. Since no amount of abstract instruction carries the same weight as the stuff that happens in the real world, throughout this book we\u2019ve included a few stories of wonderful scenes we\u2019ve done, watched or heard about, just to give you an idea of the wide range of activities that can be included under the umbrella term \u201ctopping.\u201d\n\nPlease don\u2019t take these scenes as blueprints, or even as ideals of \u201cperfect\u201d scenes. They\u2019re just representative of a few different playstyles, ways of building energy and connecting and having hot sexy fun together.\n\nWE\u2019VE CHANGED TOO. The two of us have matured, which we hope would happen for any of you in ten years. Our children are no longer children, our careers have ripened, our bodies have aged.\n\nIn fact, one of us has changed so much that even her name has changed. The one of us who wrote the first Topping Book as \u201cCatherine A. Liszt\u201d did so under a pseudonym, because at the time she had minor children whose boundaries she wanted to protect. Now that her children have grown to adulthood, \u201cCatherine\u201d is now writing and publishing under her real name, Janet W. Hardy.\n\nAnd we know more than we used to. So the final reason to make a new edition of The Topping Book is to share with you everything new that we have learned in the last nine years about our beloved world of BDSM.\n"}
+{"input": "  1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"1: HELLO AGAIN!\".\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"We love tops.\"\n3. Q: What is the second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The second paragraph of text in the section is \"We love top daddies and top mommies, top nurses and top interrogators, sweetheart sadists and control queens, nurturing dominants and mean mistresses, nasty kids and mad scientists.\"\n4. Q: What is the third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The third paragraph of text in the section is \"We love tops so much that we\u2019re writing a book to help make sure there are more good ones: tops who glow with the pure white light of control, power, intimacy and love; tops who are skilled at their craft and passionate about their art; tops who pour themselves into their bottoms, beat well, and create a dish as fiery as curry or as sweet as pie.\"\n5. Q: What is the fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"YES, IT\u2019S US AGAIN. Hello. We\u2019re Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Some of you met us in our earlier books, The New Bottoming Book, The Ethical Slut and When Someone You Love Is Kinky.\"\n6. Q: What is the fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"Dossie is a three-decade veteran of S/M play who identifies as a dyke queer bottom, but who tops beautifully: as of this writing, Janet has the cane marks to prove it. She works as a therapist in San Francisco. A poet, teacher and performer, Dossie was one of the first members of the Society of Janus in San Francisco, and has been a leader in the S/M spirituality community.\"\n7. Q: What is the sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Janet started doing S/M about 15 years ago, exclusively as a heterosexual top. Today, she identifies as a bisexual switch, playing both as a top and as a bottom, and with both men and women. Under her pen name \u201cLady Green,\u201d she wrote several how-to manuals for beginning players and has published many articles on S/M practice and philosophy.\"\n8. Q: What is the seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Both of us have spoken and taught, individually and together, at dozens if not hundreds of conferences, gatherings and workshops.\"\n9. Q: What is the eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"WHY WE\u2019RE WRITING THIS.\"\n10. Q: What is the ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"In The New Bottoming Book, we did our best to explain what makes people decide to try bottoming in a BDSM interaction, and the attitudes and techniques that make up a brilliant bottom. We looked at matters of the body, the emotions, the intuition and the spirit.\"\n11. Q: What is the tenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The tenth paragraph of text in the section is \"In this book we will do the same for tops. In some ways, we expect this to be a trickier task. While outsiders often assume that any player in his right mind would be a top \u2013 \u201cWow, you mean people will do anything you want them to? Cool!\u201d \u2013 the reality is that the joys of topping are often more abstract than those of bottoming, and that its responsibilities and burdens are great.\"\n12. Q: What is the eleventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eleventh paragraph of text in the section is \"The New Bottoming Book was, as we wrote in the introduction, \u201can unabashedly bottom-centrist book.\u201d We expected howls of protest from tops over our insistence that bottoms are powerful, beautiful and irreplaceable\u2026 and we heard back from a whole bunch of tops saying \u201cWell, it\u2019s about time.\u201d\"\n13. Q: What is the twelfth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twelfth paragraph of text in the section is \"So The New Topping Book will be a top-centrist book. While we will, of course, expect responsible behavior from all you tops and wannabe-tops who are reading this, we honor and applaud your willingness to venture out on the thin, scary ice of taking control of another\u2019s sensations, emotions and spirit. In this book, we\u2019ll encourage you to insist on being recognized for your humanness as well as for your toppiness, to demand the nurturance and support you deserve, and to find ways to get your sexual needs met. We\u2019ll do our best to hold your hand during the scary parts of your top journey, and to wave an encouraging bye-bye as you venture out into that wide, welcoming world of eager bottoms.\"\n14. Q: What is the thirteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"THIS IS NOT A TECHNICAL MANUAL.\"\n15. Q: What is the fourteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"We\u2019re not going to spend a lot of time in this book teaching you bondage knots or clamp placement or the technical nuts and bolts of topping. We think there are several other good books out there that teach such things, and we\u2019ve listed them in our Resource Guide. Please read at least one of them before you play.\"\n16. Q: What is the fifteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"HOW WE VIEW BDSM\"\n17. Q: What is the sixteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"If you turned to this section hoping to find the ultimate incontestable answer to the question \u201cWhat is BDSM?\u201d we\u2019re afraid we\u2019re going to disappoint you. We don\u2019t know, either.\"\n18. Q: What is the seventeenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventeenth paragraph of text in the section is \"We do believe that consensual, ethical kink has a valid place on the continuum of human sexual behavior \u2013 that it\u2019s not an expression of pathology. We also do not see S/M players as a distinct sexual minority, somehow different from other folk; we think S/M may be further along one road of sexual exploration, but that many if not most people play with some forms of S/M energy.\"\n19. Q: What is the eighteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M is sex that involves all of our faculties: minds and bodies, imagination and intellect, hearts and souls. To those who call what we do \u201cunnatural,\u201d we like to point out that we do what comes naturally: nature gave us opposable thumbs, so we use tools.\"\n20. Q: What is the nineteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The nineteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"As we said in The New Bottoming Book: \u201cS/M is play, theater, communication, intimacy, sexuality. It combines the child\u2019s urge for make-believe with the adult\u2019s ability to take responsibility and the adult\u2019s privilege of sexual reward. S/M at its best represents a remarkable convergence of civilized agreements and primitive urges. We believe it to be a very high achievement of the human body, mind and spirit.\u201d\"\n21. Q: What is the twentieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twentieth paragraph of text in the section is \"YES, BUT WHAT IS IT? We argued for hours as we worked on this book, and we weren\u2019t able to come up with a definition that we thought accurately encompassed all of what we know as BDSM. Here, though, are some of the definitions we and our friends use and like.\"\n22. Q: What is the twenty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"A lot of folks use the phrase \u201cconsensual power exchange\u201d to define S/M. We\u2019re not entirely happy with this phrase \u2013 we think using the word \u201cpower,\u201d that so often means nonconsensual force and coercion, can be misleading. In fact, what we do in S/M is that we act as though we were giving up or taking real-world power, while retaining the ability to keep as much power as we need to feel safe, or to take no more than we feel OK about having.\"\n23. Q: What is the twenty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"Another way of looking at BDSM \u2013 which unfortunately has many of the same problems \u2013 is to call it \u201cnegotiated codependence,\u201d in which we can enjoy the pleasures of nurturance and control without harming ourselves or our bottoms.\"\n24. Q: What is the twenty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"Janet\u2019s working definition of what we do is:\"\n25. Q: What is the twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"> An activity in which the participants eroticize sensations or emotions that would be unpleasant in a non-erotic context.\"\n26. Q: What is the twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"We\u2019ve heard some objections to the word \u201ceroticize\u201d in this definition \u2013 not everybody who does S/M connects their activities to genital sexuality. But we prefer to use the word \u201cerotic\u201d to refer to a wide spectrum of emotions and sensations that are arousing, awakening, enlightening and stimulating \u2013 whether or not they make your dick hard or your pussy wet.\"\n27. Q: What is the twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Our friend Mic says:\"\n28. Q: What is the twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"> S/M is what happens when the top takes more than the bottom offers, but less than the bottom is willing to give.\"\n29. Q: What is the twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"We think that this thought does a nice job of expressing the tension that often happens in good S/M \u2013 the \u201coh-my-god-this-is-terrible-please-don\u2019t-stop\u201d energy that we all know and love.\"\n30. Q: What is the twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Another good thought we\u2019ve heard is:\"\n31. Q: What is the thirtieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirtieth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M takes place when the top trades his or her energy for the bottom\u2019s armor.\"\n32. Q: What is the thirty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"All these definitions convey good information, but none of them seems to us adequate or comprehensive.\"\n33. Q: What is the thirty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"One thing we do know is that BDSM play is completely and qualitatively different from abuse. What we do bears the same relationship to abuse that consensual sex does to rape: a photograph of lovemaking might look exactly like a photo of a rape, but what is going on in the hearts and minds of the participants is entirely different. Hence, we say:\"\n34. Q: What is the thirty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"> In S/M, the participants have one another\u2019s wellbeing as their paramount goal.\"\n35. Q: What is the thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some folks get confused because the fantasies they use to get turned on are not about consensual play. (Ours certainly aren\u2019t!) If you feel disturbed by this seeming contradiction, let us remind you: everyone in your fantasy exists only inside your head. Since they are all aspects of yourself, they have all given their consent to be there. One of the characteristics that defines safe play is a recognition of the boundaries between our fantasies and our realities. A lot of this book will be devoted to helping clarify those boundaries.\"\n36. Q: What is the thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"In general, though, we\u2019d say that if it feels like S/M to you, then it\u2019s probably S/M \u2013 or at least something close enough that you can learn more about it by reading on.\"\n37. Q: What is the thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU\u2019RE A TOP?\"\n38. Q: What is the thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Many tops remember having toppy fantasies for as long as they can remember anything. It\u2019s not uncommon for a top to remember talking neighborhood kids into playing cops-and-robbers with lots of bondage, or teacher-and-student with lots of spanking. On the other hand, some people have their first top fantasies at puberty and some during young adulthood. Some excellent tops don\u2019t remember ever having had a top fantasy until a partner talked them into trying a light scene \u2013 and a whole new world opened up to them.\"\n39. Q: What is the thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"These fantasies may have caused the top lots of pain and worry. One top of our acquaintance recalls having his first bondage fantasy in the late \u201960s, shortly after the Tate/LaBianca murders \u2013 and spending anxious months worrying that he was turning into a mass murderer.\"\n40. Q: What is the thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Janet remembers:\"\n41. Q: What is the fortieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fortieth paragraph of text in the section is \"> I can remember having top fantasies since very early childhood, but I was well into my twenties before I recognized that these diverting thoughts \u2013 which were obsessing me to the point of making it difficult for me to function in the real world \u2013 were actually sexual in nature. And once I figured that out, it took me even longer to grasp that these marvelous, dirty, nonconsensual stories didn\u2019t have to stay fantasies, that there were people out there who would be interested in acting them out consensually with me.\"\n42. Q: What is the forty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"So the easiest way to know if you\u2019re a top is to take a hard look at your fantasies. Being a dominant person in real life doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you\u2019re a top \u2013 many people who are hard-driving type As prefer to bottom. Nor does being a bit quiet and withdrawn in real life mean that you\u2019ll turn into Attila the Hun in scene.\"\n43. Q: What is the forty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"On the other hand, if the idea of giving direction, taking control, inflicting strong sensation sends you into a panic, that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you\u2019re not a top. Even the most experienced tops suffer from what performers call \u201cflop sweat.\u201d The question is: while you\u2019re jittering at the very thought of topping, is your dick getting hard or your pussy getting wet?\"\n44. Q: What is the forty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"If you\u2019ve occasionally dreamed of somehow rendering your partner completely helpless so that you can wreak your wicked will on her\u2026 if you find yourself looking speculatively at the belt rack in the department store, and you\u2019re not thinking about holding your pants up\u2026. or if the thought of someone kneeling naked at your feet as he serves you a nice cup of tea sounds like it might be, well, your cup of tea\u2026 guess what. You may already be a top.\"\n45. Q: What is the forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"DOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A TOP AND A BOTTOM? Well, no.\"\n46. Q: What is the forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some people like to play scenes in which both (or all) players are receiving sensation: \u201cnipple tug-of-war,\u201d in which two people both put on nipple clamps with chains running from one person to the other and lean backwards so that both sets of tits get a nice steady pull, is a good example.\"\n47. Q: What is the forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some like scenes that involve power struggles, where nobody knows until someone \u201cwins\u201d who the top will be.\"\n48. Q: What is the forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Still others like to switch in mid-scene.\"\n49. Q: What is the forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"It isn\u2019t always easy to tell who\u2019s the top and who\u2019s the bottom even in one-sided scenes. For example, if Janet orders Dossie to tie her up in a specific position and give her an exact number of cane strokes to the lower half of her butt\u2026 who\u2019s the top? Who\u2019s the bottom?\"\n50. Q: What is the forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Nonetheless, it does seem to be true that the vast majority of BDSM play involves at least one discernible top and one discernible bottom. Outside a given scene, these two individuals may identify as the opposite role (many tops are excellent bottoms, and many bottoms are excellent tops).\"\n51. Q: What is the fiftieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fiftieth paragraph of text in the section is \"The important thing to remember is that whether you\u2019re an experienced top or a novice, a bottom who\u2019d like to switch or a bottom who\u2019d never dream of switching, or a novice with a head full of tangled fantasies and some uncertainty about which string to pull to unravel them\u2026 there\u2019s something for you in this book. So read on!\"", "response": "\n\n1\n\nHELLO AGAIN!\n\nWe love tops.\n\nWe love tops who are vicious and nasty and turn their bottoms into cringing mounds of adoring submission. We love tops who are nurturing and sweet while they inflict the most amazing agonies. We love tops whose aura of command is so straightforward and matter-of-fact that their bottoms can completely forget, for a little while, that the world is a complicated place.\n\nWe love top daddies and top mommies, top nurses and top interrogators, sweetheart sadists and control queens, nurturing dominants and mean mistresses, nasty kids and mad scientists.\n\nWe love tops so much that we\u2019re writing a book to help make sure there are more good ones: tops who glow with the pure white light of control, power, intimacy and love; tops who are skilled at their craft and passionate about their art; tops who pour themselves into their bottoms, beat well, and create a dish as fiery as curry or as sweet as pie.\n\nYES, IT\u2019S US AGAIN. Hello. We\u2019re Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Some of you met us in our earlier books, The New Bottoming Book, The Ethical Slut and When Someone You Love Is Kinky.\n\nDossie is a three-decade veteran of S/M play who identifies as a dyke queer bottom, but who tops beautifully: as of this writing, Janet has the cane marks to prove it. She works as a therapist in San Francisco. A poet, teacher and performer, Dossie was one of the first members of the Society of Janus in San Francisco, and has been a leader in the S/M spirituality community.\n\nJanet started doing S/M about 15 years ago, exclusively as a heterosexual top. Today, she identifies as a bisexual switch, playing both as a top and as a bottom, and with both men and women. Under her pen name \u201cLady Green,\u201d she wrote several how-to manuals for beginning players and has published many articles on S/M practice and philosophy.\n\nBoth of us have spoken and taught, individually and together, at dozens if not hundreds of conferences, gatherings and workshops.\n\nWHY WE\u2019RE WRITING THIS. In The New Bottoming Book, we did our best to explain what makes people decide to try bottoming in a BDSM interaction, and the attitudes and techniques that make up a brilliant bottom. We looked at matters of the body, the emotions, the intuition and the spirit.\n\nIn this book we will do the same for tops. In some ways, we expect this to be a trickier task. While outsiders often assume that any player in his right mind would be a top \u2013 \u201cWow, you mean people will do anything you want them to? Cool!\u201d \u2013 the reality is that the joys of topping are often more abstract than those of bottoming, and that its responsibilities and burdens are great. The New Bottoming Book was, as we wrote in the introduction, \u201can unabashedly bottom-centrist book.\u201d We expected howls of protest from tops over our insistence that bottoms are powerful, beautiful and irreplaceable\u2026 and we heard back from a whole bunch of tops saying \u201cWell, it\u2019s about time.\u201d\n\nSo The New Topping Book will be a top-centrist book. While we will, of course, expect responsible behavior from all you tops and wannabe-tops who are reading this, we honor and applaud your willingness to venture out on the thin, scary ice of taking control of another\u2019s sensations, emotions and spirit. In this book, we\u2019ll encourage you to insist on being recognized for your humanness as well as for your toppiness, to demand the nurturance and support you deserve, and to find ways to get your sexual needs met. We\u2019ll do our best to hold your hand during the scary parts of your top journey, and to wave an encouraging bye-bye as you venture out into that wide, welcoming world of eager bottoms.\n\nTHIS IS NOT A TECHNICAL MANUAL. We\u2019re not going to spend a lot of time in this book teaching you bondage knots or clamp placement or the technical nuts and bolts of topping. We think there are several other good books out there that teach such things, and we\u2019ve listed them in our Resource Guide. Please read at least one of them before you play.\n\nHOW WE VIEW BDSM\n\nIf you turned to this section hoping to find the ultimate incontestable answer to the question \u201cWhat is BDSM?\u201d we\u2019re afraid we\u2019re going to disappoint you. We don\u2019t know, either.\n\nWe do believe that consensual, ethical kink has a valid place on the continuum of human sexual behavior \u2013 that it\u2019s not an expression of pathology. We also do not see S/M players as a distinct sexual minority, somehow different from other folk; we think S/M may be further along one road of sexual exploration, but that many if not most people play with some forms of S/M energy.\n\nS/M is sex that involves all of our faculties: minds and bodies, imagination and intellect, hearts and souls. To those who call what we do \u201cunnatural,\u201d we like to point out that we do what comes naturally: nature gave us opposable thumbs, so we use tools.\n\nAs we said in The New Bottoming Book: \u201cS/M is play, theater, communication, intimacy, sexuality. It combines the child\u2019s urge for make-believe with the adult\u2019s ability to take responsibility and the adult\u2019s privilege of sexual reward. S/M at its best represents a remarkable convergence of civilized agreements and primitive urges. We believe it to be a very high achievement of the human body, mind and spirit.\u201d\n\nYES, BUT WHAT IS IT? We argued for hours as we worked on this book, and we weren\u2019t able to come up with a definition that we thought accurately encompassed all of what we know as BDSM. Here, though, are some of the definitions we and our friends use and like.\n\nA lot of folks use the phrase \u201cconsensual power exchange\u201d to define S/M. We\u2019re not entirely happy with this phrase \u2013 we think using the word \u201cpower,\u201d that so often means nonconsensual force and coercion, can be misleading. In fact, what we do in S/M is that we act as though we were giving up or taking real-world power, while retaining the ability to keep as much power as we need to feel safe, or to take no more than we feel OK about having.\n\nAnother way of looking at BDSM \u2013 which unfortunately has many of the same problems \u2013 is to call it \u201cnegotiated codependence,\u201d in which we can enjoy the pleasures of nurturance and control without harming ourselves or our bottoms.\n\nJanet\u2019s working definition of what we do is:\n\n> An activity in which the participants eroticize sensations or emotions that would be unpleasant in a non-erotic context.\n\nWe\u2019ve heard some objections to the word \u201ceroticize\u201d in this definition \u2013 not everybody who does S/M connects their activities to genital sexuality. But we prefer to use the word \u201cerotic\u201d to refer to a wide spectrum of emotions and sensations that are arousing, awakening, enlightening and stimulating \u2013 whether or not they make your dick hard or your pussy wet.\n\nOur friend Mic says:\n\n> S/M is what happens when the top takes more than the bottom offers, but less than the bottom is willing to give.\n\nWe think that this thought does a nice job of expressing the tension that often happens in good S/M \u2013 the \u201coh-my-god-this-is-terrible-please-don\u2019t-stop\u201d energy that we all know and love.\n\nAnother good thought we\u2019ve heard is:\n\nS/M takes place when the top trades his or her energy for the bottom\u2019s armor.\n\nAll these definitions convey good information, but none of them seems to us adequate or comprehensive.\n\nOne thing we do know is that BDSM play is completely and qualitatively different from abuse. What we do bears the same relationship to abuse that consensual sex does to rape: a photograph of lovemaking might look exactly like a photo of a rape, but what is going on in the hearts and minds of the participants is entirely different. Hence, we say:\n\n> In S/M, the participants have one another\u2019s wellbeing as their paramount goal.\n\nSome folks get confused because the fantasies they use to get turned on are not about consensual play. (Ours certainly aren\u2019t!) If you feel disturbed by this seeming contradiction, let us remind you: everyone in your fantasy exists only inside your head. Since they are all aspects of yourself, they have all given their consent to be there. One of the characteristics that defines safe play is a recognition of the boundaries between our fantasies and our realities. A lot of this book will be devoted to helping clarify those boundaries.\n\nIn general, though, we\u2019d say that if it feels like S/M to you, then it\u2019s probably S/M \u2013 or at least something close enough that you can learn more about it by reading on.\n\nHOW DO YOU KNOW YOU\u2019RE A TOP?\n\nMany tops remember having toppy fantasies for as long as they can remember anything. It\u2019s not uncommon for a top to remember talking neighborhood kids into playing cops-and-robbers with lots of bondage, or teacher-and-student with lots of spanking. On the other hand, some people have their first top fantasies at puberty and some during young adulthood. Some excellent tops don\u2019t remember ever having had a top fantasy until a partner talked them into trying a light scene \u2013 and a whole new world opened up to them.\n\nThese fantasies may have caused the top lots of pain and worry. One top of our acquaintance recalls having his first bondage fantasy in the late \u201960s, shortly after the Tate/LaBianca murders \u2013 and spending anxious months worrying that he was turning into a mass murderer.\n\nJanet remembers:\n\n> I can remember having top fantasies since very early childhood, but I was well into my twenties before I recognized that these diverting thoughts \u2013 which were obsessing me to the point of making it difficult for me to function in the real world \u2013 were actually sexual in nature. And once I figured that out, it took me even longer to grasp that these marvelous, dirty, nonconsensual stories didn\u2019t have to stay fantasies, that there were people out there who would be interested in acting them out consensually with me.\n\nSo the easiest way to know if you\u2019re a top is to take a hard look at your fantasies. Being a dominant person in real life doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you\u2019re a top \u2013 many people who are hard-driving type As prefer to bottom. Nor does being a bit quiet and withdrawn in real life mean that you\u2019ll turn into Attila the Hun in scene.\n\nOn the other hand, if the idea of giving direction, taking control, inflicting strong sensation sends you into a panic, that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you\u2019re not a top. Even the most experienced tops suffer from what performers call \u201cflop sweat.\u201d The question is: while you\u2019re jittering at the very thought of topping, is your dick getting hard or your pussy getting wet?\n\nIf you\u2019ve occasionally dreamed of somehow rendering your partner completely helpless so that you can wreak your wicked will on her\u2026 if you find yourself looking speculatively at the belt rack in the department store, and you\u2019re not thinking about holding your pants up\u2026. or if the thought of someone kneeling naked at your feet as he serves you a nice cup of tea sounds like it might be, well, your cup of tea\u2026 guess what. You may already be a top.\n\nDOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A TOP AND A BOTTOM? Well, no. Some people like to play scenes in which both (or all) players are receiving sensation: \u201cnipple tug-of-war,\u201d in which two people both put on nipple clamps with chains running from one person to the other and lean backwards so that both sets of tits get a nice steady pull, is a good example. Some like scenes that involve power struggles, where nobody knows until someone \u201cwins\u201d who the top will be. Still others like to switch in mid-scene.\n\nIt isn\u2019t always easy to tell who\u2019s the top and who\u2019s the bottom even in one-sided scenes. For example, if Janet orders Dossie to tie her up in a specific position and give her an exact number of cane strokes to the lower half of her butt\u2026 who\u2019s the top? Who\u2019s the bottom?\n\nNonetheless, it does seem to be true that the vast majority of BDSM play involves at least one discernible top and one discernible bottom. Outside a given scene, these two individuals may identify as the opposite role (many tops are excellent bottoms, and many bottoms are excellent tops).\n\nThe important thing to remember is that whether you\u2019re an experienced top or a novice, a bottom who\u2019d like to switch or a bottom who\u2019d never dream of switching, or a novice with a head full of tangled fantasies and some uncertainty about which string to pull to unravel them\u2026 there\u2019s something for you in this book. So read on!\n"}
+{"input": " 1. Q: What is the title of the section?\nA: The title of the section is \"2: WHAT IS IT ABOUT TOPPING, ANYWAY?\"\n2. Q: What is the first line of text in the section?\nA: The first line of text in the section is \"In the so-called \u201creal world,\u201d most of us constantly struggle with power, working to empower ourselves, and to protect ourselves from being overpowered by others. This is serious business.\"\n3. Q: What is the second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The second paragraph of text in the section is \"But power can be sexy as well as serious. In S/M, we imitate the outward appearance of those grim real-world struggles for power, while building in the safeguards we need to keep us from being genuinely harmed. We believe that one purpose of S/M is to give us a way to enjoy the \u201cupside\u201d of power \u2013 its sexiness and drama \u2013 without bringing along its \u201cdownside.\u201d We\u2019ve heard people say, \u201cS/M is power games for fun instead of profit,\u201d and we agree.\"\n4. Q: What is the third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The third paragraph of text in the section is \"BUILDING YOUR HEARTH. But isn\u2019t this desire for power potentially destructive? Good question. We live in a culture of powermongers. We see all around us the ways in which power is misused to abuse those who lack the power to protect themselves. So how can we, as tops, justify wanting to get our rocks off feeling like the most powerful person of all?\"\n5. Q: What is the fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"The popular stereotype of an S/M top is of an amoral, irresponsible and destructive person: that\u2019s what you\u2019ll see in the movies. But in our world, we find that playing with power is like playing with fire: yes, there is the possibility of destruction if we are not careful\u2026 and there is also enormous potential for constructive heat that warms and heals.\"\n6. Q: What is the fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"One way we make it safe to play with fire is to build an adequate fireplace, a container, a hearth. We call it \u201cscene space,\u201d and we\u2019ll tell you about building it later. Another way we make it safe is to become wise in the ways of power (in BDSM, we have lots of opportunity!). An ethical top understands power and wields it constructively, responsibly and safely.\"\n7. Q: What is the sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"IS ALL POWER THE SAME? From feminist theory we have learned to distinguish between power-over and power-with. Power-over is a behavior pattern in which a person measures personal power by his or her ability to control others \u2013 you increase your own power by stealing power from somebody else. You can see this dynamic anywhere you see rigid hierarchies or chains of command, like the military or the corporate ladder.\"\n8. Q: What is the seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"In our experience, if your goal is to build yourself a sense of empowerment and solid self-esteem, stealing power doesn\u2019t work very well. You can\u2019t build a solid sense of self-esteem by stealing someone else\u2019s. When people strive to empower themselves this way they behave like addicts, constantly scheming to replenish a supply of power that never was truly theirs.\"\n9. Q: What is the eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"On the other hand, there is power-with. Power-with enables us to get more power by sharing our power with others. The more I have, the more you have. By supporting one another in our power, we get more for ourselves.\"\n10. Q: What is the ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"In any S/M exchange there is a sharing of power \u2013 the bottom lends his power to the top for the duration, the top adds power, and together they make a lot of voltage. The top gets to wield all this power, a form of extreme empowerment that is exciting, thrilling, hot, erotic, and, as we said before, very, very sexy.\"\n11. Q: What is the tenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The tenth paragraph of text in the section is \"So the first big payoff for topping is that we get to ride a whole lot of power, and to be, within the agreements and boundaries of a scene, enormously powerful.\"\n12. Q: What is the eleventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eleventh paragraph of text in the section is \"SO WHAT\u2019S IN IT FOR YOU?\"\n13. Q: What is the twelfth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twelfth paragraph of text in the section is \"We asked a number of tops what rewards they found in topping \u2013 thanks to all of them for the following list. Remember, when you read a list of other people\u2019s turn-ons, some of them will work for you and others will not. Don\u2019t worry \u2013 hardly anybody could like every single thing on this list; there are certainly a few that we ourselves have not experienced.\"\n14. Q: What is the thirteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Empathy. Near the top of most people\u2019s lists is the \u201ccontact high,\u201d the turn-on we feel in empathy with the bottom\u2019s response to the physical, emotional and sexual intensity of the scene. One top describes this feeling as getting to surf the bottom\u2019s sensations.\"\n15. Q: What is the fourteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fourteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"It is certainly a truism of S/M that the bottom is on the receiving end of most of the stimulation. If empathy didn\u2019t work so well we wonder if anybody would get turned on to topping in the first place, or if we would all decide that topping is all work and no fun. But the happy truth is that we can indeed get intensely stimulated from what our partner is feeling. Both of us are amazed, after a few hours of highly technical topping, when we get to the part of the scene where the focus is on our orgasm, to experience an enormous orgasm (or several of them) \u2013 as if it had been building bigger and bigger inside us, just waiting for us to have the time to have it.\"\n16. Q: What is the fifteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fifteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"Empathy in BDSM presents a wonderful paradox: as tops in role, we are often called upon to present ourselves as cold, cruel and unfeeling, when in fact we are getting our rocks off on an empathy so profound that it can approach the telepathic. So we believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual sadism, dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities.\"\n17. Q: What is the sixteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The sixteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Creativity. Another frequently cited delight of topping is the opportunity for creativity. We get to be the playwright, the producer, the director and the lead actor all at once. We are presented with a lump of malleable clay \u2013 the bottom \u2013 with which we can create the sculpture of our fantasies. We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius. We get to exercise our intuition as we figure out what will get to this particular bottom, or how to get them where we want them. We get to have our fantasy our way, to play dolls with real people: for a while we get to make the world look just the way we want it to. We play God.\"\n18. Q: What is the seventeenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The seventeenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Bigness. When we top we get to feel big. It may not be okay to act huge in ordinary social interactions, and you\u2019re usually not allowed to overwhelm people without their permission. When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies \u2013 when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms\u2019 eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!\"\n19. Q: What is the eighteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The eighteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Nurturing. Janet remembers some of her childhood fantasies in which she was doing really terrible things to very small people, so she could cradle them like dolls afterwards. Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest.\"\n20. Q: What is the nineteenth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The nineteenth paragraph of text in the section is \"How does nurturing reward the top? Well, the nurturer, again, is big, and in play gets to be even bigger as we practice a kind of hyper-nurturance, enveloping our bottoms, almost as if we could engulf them. As nurturing tops we may play out the roles of Good Mommy or Good Daddy, maybe in a way we didn\u2019t get to experience in our childhood, so we get a chance to rewrite history. In scene space we can elicit and reenact trauma and also be the good parent who heals the wounds. Many of the most profound psychological scenes include intense nurturance. And in a world in which nurturing energy can be in short supply, it can be a delight to create an environment in which we get to taste a whole lot of it.\"\n21. Q: What is the twentieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twentieth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Bullying. In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that could not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked. And popular. Check out mainstream movies, or fiction from best-sellers to classical mythology, for verification that everybody adores a really good villain. Those bad guys are big. Big enough to carry all the world\u2019s ills, and create all the pain and trouble a hungry bottom could want to suffer.\"\n22. Q: What is the twenty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"And what could be more forbidden than our own nastiness? Most of us learned things from our families and our culture, or perhaps from our more primitive and essential natures, that aren\u2019t very civilized. Many people view almost all relationships as interactions between victims and oppressors, so in topping we manifest our oppressor so the bottom can be in victim role, and both of us can have a powerful and erotic experience. S/M provides a safe way to be in the world for our internalized oppressor, the precious bully within.\"\n23. Q: What is the twenty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Control. Another powerful reward we get from topping is the opportunity to be in control. We can be control queens with permission \u2013 even encouragement. If you enjoy being served, the world seems like a much happier and calmer place when your morning cup of coffee is exactly the strength and temperature you prefer, with just the right amount of sugar and cream. And there\u2019s a keen joy in knowing that your needs and desires are echoing in your loved one\u2019s head, even when you\u2019re not there to express them.\"\n24. Q: What is the twenty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Competence. Many tops who used to be primarily bottoms report a strong motivation in the chance to do it right: if you\u2019ve ever been on the bottom thinking about how that knot is too loose, and if you ran another rope from just here to over there then the tension on that thigh would be released and the legs would be held perfectly open, you\u2019ll understand some of the joys of control.\"\n25. Q: What is the twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent, to generate perfectly balanced rope bondage, or an exquisitely timed sensory deprivation scene, or to choreograph a profound psychological journey. And when we do that well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms \u2013 with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.\"\n26. Q: What is the twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"> \u2022 Self-knowledge. A familiar story \u2013 \u201chelpless captive,\u201d \u201cshopping in the slave market,\u201d \u201cpunishing the naughty boy,\u201d those good old stories that snuggle us to sleep at night \u2013 can be the tip of the iceberg of profound psychological archetypes that we don\u2019t see clearly, like a dream or a vision. Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M persona can become the process by which we learn more about who we are. Then our bottom\u2019s response becomes the mirror in which we see ourselves more clearly, and as we choreograph the bottom\u2019s experience and stretch both of our limits in scene, we constantly create new mirrors in which we can see yet more. The possibilities are indeed endless.\"\n27. Q: What is the twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"WHAT ABOUT BOTTOMS?\"\n28. Q: What is the twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"If some of the above tickles your fancy, chances are you would enjoy topping. So what about bottoms? What do they get out of this? Why would a person want to be beaten, humiliated, ordered around and otherwise inconvenienced so that you can feel big? Well, because bottoming is very, very sexy too. There is tremendous luxury in giving up responsibility and power to a top, in being small, possibly childlike, in having your behavior controlled, in getting nurtured while being subjected to all kinds of intense stimulations.\"\n29. Q: What is the twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"Fear can be arousing\u2026 the subjective experience of bondage can be so sensual as to approach a trance state\u2026 the chance to devote yourself to another\u2019s pleasure can soothe away your own cares\u2026 the controlled experience of pain in a safe and consensual scene can be tremendously rewarding.\"\n30. Q: What is the twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The twenty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Many of our activities enable us to use our bodies\u2019 ability to produce naturally occurring morphine-like neurotransmitters called \u201cendorphins\u201d in response to intense stimuli. In The New Bottoming Book we described in detail how sensations can be processed through the body to create an endorphin high, and how ecstatic experiences of intensity and openness transmute strong physical and emotional sensation into an altered state of consciousness that we experience as extreme pleasure.\"\n31. Q: What is the thirtieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirtieth paragraph of text in the section is \"Other rewards of bottoming include getting lots of attention, as well as acting out fantasies of helplessness and other forbidden emotions (needy, pathetic, dependent, guilt-ridden) that, like their toppish counterparts, would cause lots of trouble in the real world.\"\n32. Q: What is the thirty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"HOW ARE TOPS AND BOTTOMS INTERRELATED?\"\n33. Q: What is the thirty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"So tops and bottoms are interdependent \u2013 we need each other to play out our fantasy roles as well as to perform the physical acts that make us so happy. Bottoms need tops to push them off cliffs so they can fly, and tops need bottoms so they can ride the same winds, and that\u2019s how both can have their dreams come true. This is obvious\u2026 but the fantasies we play with are not necessarily obvious.\"\n34. Q: What is the thirty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"The nature of the dance of BDSM tends to polarize our roles to a greater extent than might be possible or healthy in the rest of our lives. Play pushes both top and bottom out to the far ends of the spectrum. Each player, in traveling further out, supports the other in going yet further. Thus as a wonderful scene progresses, the bottoms get smaller, the tops get bigger, and the larger the territory we encompass: we move to the outer ends of the spectrum, generating something like centrifugal force, spinning further and further out while holding each other safe and tight.\"\n35. Q: What is the thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"WHOSE FANTASY?\"\n36. Q: What is the thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"We want to mention here that not all scenes are based on fantasies, and especially not on fantasies that have detailed scripts or stories. Often the scene is based on an image, a feeling, an emotion, or a specific activity like bondage or flogging or anal sex.\"\n37. Q: What is the thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"One question that comes up when we actually sit down to negotiate a scene is whose fantasy are we playing, the top\u2019s or the bottom\u2019s? The answer is either, or both, or whatever the two of you together decide will work the best. Some bottoms are not comfortable talking about their fantasies for fear of seeming too directive, but we believe that it is a requirement for a skilled and supportive bottom to be able to tell you about her desires \u2013 as a top, you need some information to figure out what will make this scene work.\"\n38. Q: What is the thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Good tops learn to support bottoms through the embarrassment of revealing their fantasies \u2013 and isn\u2019t embarrassment one of those hot forbidden emotions we love to play with? Force that shy little thing to tell you what she wants!\"\n39. Q: What is the thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"Similarly, tops need to learn to speak comfortably about their fantasies and desires. As we\u2019ll see when we talk about negotiation, tops don\u2019t just walk up to bottoms and do whatever comes to mind. Scenes are negotiated, and constructed to satisfy both bodies and imaginations while remaining within the limits of both top and bottom. And to find out if your fantasy is within your bottom\u2019s limits, you have to discuss it at least enough to establish those limits (everybody enjoys a surprise, but it\u2019s not kosher to tattoo \u201cKilroy Was Here!\u201d on your friend\u2019s ass without permission).\"\n40. Q: What is the thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The thirty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Some tops feel they lose authority as a top when they agree to play all or part of a bottom\u2019s fantasy, and are offended by the idea that they may be \u201cservicing\u201d the bottom. We think it\u2019s inappropriate to get your ego invested in your bottom\u2019s having no desire but to please you, or no ideas of his own. We would be equally critical of a bottom who didn\u2019t want to hear about the top\u2019s desires and needs, or was not interested in trying out his fantasy.\"\n41. Q: What is the fortieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fortieth paragraph of text in the section is \"New players often start out with one fantasy they have desired and elaborated on for years, while more seasoned tops and bottoms may enjoy many roles in many scenarios. So when we play out a bottom\u2019s fantasy we have little to lose and lots to gain. When we stretch to realize someone else\u2019s story, we get to enlarge our repertoire, learn new skills, and perhaps discover yet more ways to get turned on. Sounds like a win-win situation to us.\"\n42. Q: What is the forty-first paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-first paragraph of text in the section is \"So we see no need to compete over whose game we are playing \u2013 we\u2019d rather play your wonderful ideas tonight and mine tomorrow, regardless of who\u2019s in charge. Once again, we see this as a collaborative endeavor, in which we play with power that is shared, for the pleasure and benefit of all parties in the game.\"\n43. Q: What is the forty-second paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-second paragraph of text in the section is \"SYMBOLISM AND STRUCTURE\"\n44. Q: What is the forty-third paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-third paragraph of text in the section is \"As Sir Stephen remarked in The Story of O, we are indeed fond of rituals. BDSM is often characterized by a certain formality or ritual quality that reminds us of opera gowns, dress uniforms, nuns\u2019 habits and other formal signifiers.\"\n45. Q: What is the forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fourth paragraph of text in the section is \"That\u2019s because play is to a very real degree about symbolism. The \u201ckidnapping\u201d we do for erotic pleasure reflects an arousing fantasy (since in our fantasy, the kidnappers do exactly what we want), and when we play we make sure the \u201ckidnappers\u201d are actually doing exactly what we want, a ritual of helplessness in the face of overwhelming stimulas. An actual kidnapping, with no concern for the feelings of the victim, would be a life-shattering reality. The symbol enables us to confront our simultaneous fear of, and attraction to, the genuine horrors of the world. But we need form and structure to clarify the distinction between the symbol and the thing itself.\"\n46. Q: What is the forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-fifth paragraph of text in the section is \"The structure we build around our play creates a \u201cfirewall,\u201d a boundary that enables us to take vague and abstract ideas, emotions, roles and dynamics and pull them upwards into reality, where we can explore them and get turned on by them. We learn a lot about what the limits are, and where the boundaries are between scene space and the rest of our lives.\"\n47. Q: What is the forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-sixth paragraph of text in the section is \"Wise players study the play of those who have gone before us, just as art students study the Old Masters (interesting choice of name, don\u2019t you think?). By building on the foundations that others have developed, we can build taller and stronger fireplaces for our flames so they can leap higher, hotter and safer.\"\n48. Q: What is the forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-seventh paragraph of text in the section is \"Sometimes costumes help define our structure, telling us what role we\u2019re playing \u2013 both from the archetypes expressed (cop, pirate, doctor) and by the function of the garments (the daddy\u2019s belt, the vampire\u2019s fangs, the goddess\u2019s sky-high heels). These symbols are also a reminder that the top has made a commitment to remain aware, contained, in control of both partners \u2013 that she has agreed not to fall down on the floor and thrash in ecstasy until it is safe and consonant to do so. The bottom may not dress at all, indicating vulnerability and availability, or may have his essential nakedness accentuated by symbols like collars or corsets, or by clothes which can be removed by the top as part of a spiritual and physical stripping away of defenses.\"\n49. Q: What is the forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-eighth paragraph of text in the section is \"Bondage, even symbolic bondage such as a loop of thread holding thumbs together, creates a structure which controls the bottom\u2019s behavior and defines roles. So are the names which we call one another \u2013 \u201csir\u201d and \u201cboy,\u201d \u201cmistress\u201d and \u201cslave,\u201d \u201cmilady\u201d and \u201csirrah,\u201d \u201cSpot\u201d and \u201cwoof woof!\u201d\"\n50. Q: What is the forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The forty-ninth paragraph of text in the section is \"Sometimes our structure is defined by logistics: time, physical abilities, environments. We enter the dungeon and become our \u201cother selves,\u201d then leave it and become our day-to-day selves again. Our time agreements may be our form: we\u2019ll play until 3:00, then go get something to eat. Or we may agree to play until one or the other or both of us has had an orgasm, or has reached some mutually agreed upon level of stimulation.\"\n51. Q: What is the fiftieth paragraph of text in the section?\nA: The fiftieth paragraph of text in the section is \"All these structures are there to help you get as big as you can, and your bottom as small as he can, while ensuring your safe return to your normal size when you need to go back. Like Alice\u2019s looking glass, they enable you to wander safely through the topsy-turvy dreamscapes of fantasy, where pain is pleasure and cruelty is love.\"", "response": "\n\n2\n\nWHAT IS IT ABOUT TOPPING, ANYWAY?\n\nIn the so-called \u201creal world,\u201d most of us constantly struggle with power, working to empower ourselves, and to protect ourselves from being overpowered by others. This is serious business.\n\nBut power can be sexy as well as serious. In S/M, we imitate the outward appearance of those grim real-world struggles for power, while building in the safeguards we need to keep us from being genuinely harmed. We believe that one purpose of S/M is to give us a way to enjoy the \u201cupside\u201d of power \u2013 its sexiness and drama \u2013 without bringing along its \u201cdownside.\u201d We\u2019ve heard people say, \u201cS/M is power games for fun instead of profit,\u201d and we agree.\n\nBUILDING YOUR HEARTH. But isn\u2019t this desire for power potentially destructive? Good question. We live in a culture of powermongers. We see all around us the ways in which power is misused to abuse those who lack the power to protect themselves. So how can we, as tops, justify wanting to get our rocks off feeling like the most powerful person of all?\n\nThe popular stereotype of an S/M top is of an amoral, irresponsible and destructive person: that\u2019s what you\u2019ll see in the movies. But in our world, we find that playing with power is like playing with fire: yes, there is the possibility of destruction if we are not careful\u2026 and there is also enormous potential for constructive heat that warms and heals.\n\nOne way we make it safe to play with fire is to build an adequate fireplace, a container, a hearth. We call it \u201cscene space,\u201d and we\u2019ll tell you about building it later. Another way we make it safe is to become wise in the ways of power (in BDSM, we have lots of opportunity!). An ethical top understands power and wields it constructively, responsibly and safely.\n\nIS ALL POWER THE SAME? From feminist theory we have learned to distinguish between power-over and power-with. Power-over is a behavior pattern in which a person measures personal power by his or her ability to control others \u2013 you increase your own power by stealing power from somebody else. You can see this dynamic anywhere you see rigid hierarchies or chains of command, like the military or the corporate ladder.\n\nIn our experience, if your goal is to build yourself a sense of empowerment and solid self-esteem, stealing power doesn\u2019t work very well. You can\u2019t build a solid sense of self-esteem by stealing someone else\u2019s. When people strive to empower themselves this way they behave like addicts, constantly scheming to replenish a supply of power that never was truly theirs.\n\nOn the other hand, there is power-with. Power-with enables us to get more power by sharing our power with others. The more I have, the more you have. By supporting one another in our power, we get more for ourselves.\n\nIn any S/M exchange there is a sharing of power \u2013 the bottom lends his power to the top for the duration, the top adds power, and together they make a lot of voltage. The top gets to wield all this power, a form of extreme empowerment that is exciting, thrilling, hot, erotic, and, as we said before, very, very sexy.\n\nSo the first big payoff for topping is that we get to ride a whole lot of power, and to be, within the agreements and boundaries of a scene, enormously powerful.\n\nSO WHAT\u2019S IN IT FOR YOU?\n\nWe asked a number of tops what rewards they found in topping \u2013 thanks to all of them for the following list. Remember, when you read a list of other people\u2019s turn-ons, some of them will work for you and others will not. Don\u2019t worry \u2013 hardly anybody could like every single thing on this list; there are certainly a few that we ourselves have not experienced.\n\n> \u2022 Empathy. Near the top of most people\u2019s lists is the \u201ccontact high,\u201d the turn-on we feel in empathy with the bottom\u2019s response to the physical, emotional and sexual intensity of the scene. One top describes this feeling as getting to surf the bottom\u2019s sensations.\n\n> It is certainly a truism of S/M that the bottom is on the receiving end of most of the stimulation. If empathy didn\u2019t work so well we wonder if anybody would get turned on to topping in the first place, or if we would all decide that topping is all work and no fun. But the happy truth is that we can indeed get intensely stimulated from what our partner is feeling. Both of us are amazed, after a few hours of highly technical topping, when we get to the part of the scene where the focus is on our orgasm, to experience an enormous orgasm (or several of them) \u2013 as if it had been building bigger and bigger inside us, just waiting for us to have the time to have it.\n\n> Empathy in BDSM presents a wonderful paradox: as tops in role, we are often called upon to present ourselves as cold, cruel and unfeeling, when in fact we are getting our rocks off on an empathy so profound that it can approach the telepathic. So we believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual sadism, dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities.\n\n> \u2022 Creativity. Another frequently cited delight of topping is the opportunity for creativity. We get to be the playwright, the producer, the director and the lead actor all at once. We are presented with a lump of malleable clay \u2013 the bottom \u2013 with which we can create the sculpture of our fantasies. We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius. We get to exercise our intuition as we figure out what will get to this particular bottom, or how to get them where we want them. We get to have our fantasy our way, to play dolls with real people: for a while we get to make the world look just the way we want it to. We play God.\n\n> \u2022 Bigness. When we top we get to feel big. It may not be okay to act huge in ordinary social interactions, and you\u2019re usually not allowed to overwhelm people without their permission. When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies \u2013 when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms\u2019 eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!\n\n> \u2022 Nurturing. Janet remembers some of her childhood fantasies in which she was doing really terrible things to very small people, so she could cradle them like dolls afterwards. Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest.\n\n> How does nurturing reward the top? Well, the nurturer, again, is big, and in play gets to be even bigger as we practice a kind of hyper-nurturance, enveloping our bottoms, almost as if we could engulf them. As nurturing tops we may play out the roles of Good Mommy or Good Daddy, maybe in a way we didn\u2019t get to experience in our childhood, so we get a chance to rewrite history. In scene space we can elicit and reenact trauma and also be the good parent who heals the wounds. Many of the most profound psychological scenes include intense nurturance. And in a world in which nurturing energy can be in short supply, it can be a delight to create an environment in which we get to taste a whole lot of it.\n\n> \u2022 Bullying. In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that could not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked. And popular. Check out mainstream movies, or fiction from best-sellers to classical mythology, for verification that everybody adores a really good villain. Those bad guys are big. Big enough to carry all the world\u2019s ills, and create all the pain and trouble a hungry bottom could want to suffer.\n\n> And what could be more forbidden than our own nastiness? Most of us learned things from our families and our culture, or perhaps from our more primitive and essential natures, that aren\u2019t very civilized. Many people view almost all relationships as interactions between victims and oppressors, so in topping we manifest our oppressor so the bottom can be in victim role, and both of us can have a powerful and erotic experience. S/M provides a safe way to be in the world for our internalized oppressor, the precious bully within.\n\n> \u2022 Control. Another powerful reward we get from topping is the opportunity to be in control. We can be control queens with permission \u2013 even encouragement. If you enjoy being served, the world seems like a much happier and calmer place when your morning cup of coffee is exactly the strength and temperature you prefer, with just the right amount of sugar and cream. And there\u2019s a keen joy in knowing that your needs and desires are echoing in your loved one\u2019s head, even when you\u2019re not there to express them.\n\n> \u2022 Competence. Many tops who used to be primarily bottoms report a strong motivation in the chance to do it right: if you\u2019ve ever been on the bottom thinking about how that knot is too loose, and if you ran another rope from just here to over there then the tension on that thigh would be released and the legs would be held perfectly open, you\u2019ll understand some of the joys of control.\n\n> S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent, to generate perfectly balanced rope bondage, or an exquisitely timed sensory deprivation scene, or to choreograph a profound psychological journey. And when we do that well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms \u2013 with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.\n\n> \u2022 Self-knowledge. A familiar story \u2013 \u201chelpless captive,\u201d \u201cshopping in the slave market,\u201d \u201cpunishing the naughty boy,\u201d those good old stories that snuggle us to sleep at night \u2013 can be the tip of the iceberg of profound psychological archetypes that we don\u2019t see clearly, like a dream or a vision. Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M persona can become the process by which we learn more about who we are. Then our bottom\u2019s response becomes the mirror in which we see ourselves more clearly, and as we choreograph the bottom\u2019s experience and stretch both of our limits in scene, we constantly create new mirrors in which we can see yet more. The possibilities are indeed endless.\n\nWHAT ABOUT BOTTOMS?\n\nIf some of the above tickles your fancy, chances are you would enjoy topping. So what about bottoms? What do they get out of this? Why would a person want to be beaten, humiliated, ordered around and otherwise inconvenienced so that you can feel big? Well, because bottoming is very, very sexy too. There is tremendous luxury in giving up responsibility and power to a top, in being small, possibly childlike, in having your behavior controlled, in getting nurtured while being subjected to all kinds of intense stimulations.\n\nFear can be arousing\u2026 the subjective experience of bondage can be so sensual as to approach a trance state\u2026 the chance to devote yourself to another\u2019s pleasure can soothe away your own cares\u2026 the controlled experience of pain in a safe and consensual scene can be tremendously rewarding.\n\nMany of our activities enable us to use our bodies\u2019 ability to produce naturally occurring morphine-like neurotransmitters called \u201cendorphins\u201d in response to intense stimuli. In The New Bottoming Book we described in detail how sensations can be processed through the body to create an endorphin high, and how ecstatic experiences of intensity and openness transmute strong physical and emotional sensation into an altered state of consciousness that we experience as extreme pleasure.\n\nOther rewards of bottoming include getting lots of attention, as well as acting out fantasies of helplessness and other forbidden emotions (needy, pathetic, dependent, guilt-ridden) that, like their toppish counterparts, would cause lots of trouble in the real world.\n\nHOW ARE TOPS AND BOTTOMS INTERRELATED?\n\nSo tops and bottoms are interdependent \u2013 we need each other to play out our fantasy roles as well as to perform the physical acts that make us so happy. Bottoms need tops to push them off cliffs so they can fly, and tops need bottoms so they can ride the same winds, and that\u2019s how both can have their dreams come true. This is obvious\u2026 but the fantasies we play with are not necessarily obvious.\n\nThe nature of the dance of BDSM tends to polarize our roles to a greater extent than might be possible or healthy in the rest of our lives. Play pushes both top and bottom out to the far ends of the spectrum. Each player, in traveling further out, supports the other in going yet further. Thus as a wonderful scene progresses, the bottoms get smaller, the tops get bigger, and the larger the territory we encompass: we move to the outer ends of the spectrum, generating something like centrifugal force, spinning further and further out while holding each other safe and tight.\n\nWHOSE FANTASY?\n\nWe want to mention here that not all scenes are based on fantasies, and especially not on fantasies that have detailed scripts or stories. Often the scene is based on an image, a feeling, an emotion, or a specific activity like bondage or flogging or anal sex.\n\nOne question that comes up when we actually sit down to negotiate a scene is whose fantasy are we playing, the top\u2019s or the bottom\u2019s? The answer is either, or both, or whatever the two of you together decide will work the best. Some bottoms are not comfortable talking about their fantasies for fear of seeming too directive, but we believe that it is a requirement for a skilled and supportive bottom to be able to tell you about her desires \u2013 as a top, you need some information to figure out what will make this scene work.\n\nGood tops learn to support bottoms through the embarrassment of revealing their fantasies \u2013 and isn\u2019t embarrassment one of those hot forbidden emotions we love to play with? Force that shy little thing to tell you what she wants!\n\nSimilarly, tops need to learn to speak comfortably about their fantasies and desires. As we\u2019ll see when we talk about negotiation, tops don\u2019t just walk up to bottoms and do whatever comes to mind. Scenes are negotiated, and constructed to satisfy both bodies and imaginations while remaining within the limits of both top and bottom. And to find out if your fantasy is within your bottom\u2019s limits, you have to discuss it at least enough to establish those limits (everybody enjoys a surprise, but it\u2019s not kosher to tattoo \u201cKilroy Was Here!\u201d on your friend\u2019s ass without permission).\n\nSome tops feel they lose authority as a top when they agree to play all or part of a bottom\u2019s fantasy, and are offended by the idea that they may be \u201cservicing\u201d the bottom. We think it\u2019s inappropriate to get your ego invested in your bottom\u2019s having no desire but to please you, or no ideas of his own. We would be equally critical of a bottom who didn\u2019t want to hear about the top\u2019s desires and needs, or was not interested in trying out his fantasy.\n\nNew players often start out with one fantasy they have desired and elaborated on for years, while more seasoned tops and bottoms may enjoy many roles in many scenarios. So when we play out a bottom\u2019s fantasy we have little to lose and lots to gain. When we stretch to realize someone else\u2019s story, we get to enlarge our repertoire, learn new skills, and perhaps discover yet more ways to get turned on. Sounds like a win-win situation to us.\n\nSo we see no need to compete over whose game we are playing \u2013 we\u2019d rather play your wonderful ideas tonight and mine tomorrow, regardless of who\u2019s in charge. Once again, we see this as a collaborative endeavor, in which we play with power that is shared, for the pleasure and benefit of all parties in the game.\n\nSYMBOLISM AND STRUCTURE\n\nAs Sir Stephen remarked in The Story of O, we are indeed fond of rituals. BDSM is often characterized by a certain formality or ritual quality that reminds us of opera gowns, dress uniforms, nuns\u2019 habits and other formal signifiers.\n\nThat\u2019s because play is to a very real degree about symbolism. The \u201ckidnapping\u201d we do for erotic pleasure reflects an arousing fantasy (since in our fantasy, the kidnappers do exactly what we want), and when we play we make sure the \u201ckidnappers\u201d are actually doing exactly what we want, a ritual of helplessness in the face of overwhelming stimulas. An actual kidnapping, with no concern for the feelings of the victim, would be a life-shattering reality. The symbol enables us to confront our simultaneous fear of, and attraction to, the genuine horrors of the world. But we need form and structure to clarify the distinction between the symbol and the thing itself.\n\nThe structure we build around our play creates a \u201cfirewall,\u201d a boundary that enables us to take vague and abstract ideas, emotions, roles and dynamics and pull them upwards into reality, where we can explore them and get turned on by them. We learn a lot about what the limits are, and where the boundaries are between scene space and the rest of our lives.\n\nWise players study the play of those who have gone before us, just as art students study the Old Masters (interesting choice of name, don\u2019t you think?). By building on the foundations that others have developed, we can build taller and stronger fireplaces for our flames so they can leap higher, hotter and safer.\n\nSometimes costumes help define our structure, telling us what role we\u2019re playing \u2013 both from the archetypes expressed (cop, pirate, doctor) and by the function of the garments (the daddy\u2019s belt, the vampire\u2019s fangs, the goddess\u2019s sky-high heels). These symbols are also a reminder that the top has made a commitment to remain aware, contained, in control of both partners \u2013 that she has agreed not to fall down on the floor and thrash in ecstasy until it is safe and consonant to do so. The bottom may not dress at all, indicating vulnerability and availability, or may have his essential nakedness accentuated by symbols like collars or corsets, or by clothes which can be removed by the top as part of a spiritual and physical stripping away of defenses.\n\nBondage, even symbolic bondage such as a loop of thread holding thumbs together, creates a structure which controls the bottom\u2019s behavior and defines roles. So are the names which we call one another \u2013 \u201csir\u201d and \u201cboy,\u201d \u201cmistress\u201d and \u201cslave,\u201d \u201cmilady\u201d and \u201csirrah,\u201d \u201cSpot\u201d and \u201cwoof woof!\u201d\n\nSometimes our structure is defined by logistics: time, physical abilities, environments. We enter the dungeon and become our \u201cother selves,\u201d then leave it and become our day-to-day selves again. Our time agreements may be our form: we\u2019ll play until 3:00, then go get something to eat. Or we may agree to play until one or the other or both of us has had an orgasm, or has reached some mutually agreed upon level of stimulation.\n\nAll these structures are there to help you get as big as you can, and your bottom as small as he can, while ensuring your safe return to your normal size when you need to go back. Like Alice\u2019s looking glass, they enable you to wander safely through the topsy-turvy dreamscapes of fantasy, where pain is pleasure and cruelty is love.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"Understanding the Role of a Top in BDSM: Finding Your Top Persona and Setting Boundaries\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a detailed section for a nonfiction book about the role of a top in BDSM. The section should discuss the following:\n\n1. Finding Your Top Persona: Explain how a top's persona in a BDSM scene can come from various sources, such as deep-seated fantasies, popular culture, real-world torture, and childhood memories. Encourage readers to overcome any embarrassment they might feel about their fantasies and to explore their imagination. Provide an example of a situation where a seemingly simple fantasy led to an enjoyable scene.\n\n2. The Importance of Roles: Although not all scenes require a specific role, they often have a certain flavor or atmosphere that can be described using role-playing terms. For instance, a scene with a harsh tone and pushed limits might have the flavor of a torture or interrogation scene, while a nurturing scene might have a nice-mommy or nice-daddy flavor.\n\n3. Boundaries: Discuss the concept of edge play and how every player is an edge player in their own way, trying to define and explore the boundary between enjoyment and genuine discomfort. Emphasize that the only criterion for good play is that everyone involved gets what they want from it, regardless of the intensity level.\n\n4. Safewords: Explain the importance of safewords as a way to communicate when there's a problem or when something isn't working during a scene. Encourage the use of short, easy-to-pronounce words and remind readers that tops can safeword too. Provide an example of a situation where a top had to safeword and how it was handled.\n\n5. Dealing with the Desire to Push Limits: Address the common desire for tops to come closer to the gray area between consent and nonconsent as they gain more experience. Suggest ways to indulge these desires without harming or alienating their partner, such as spending time thinking objectively about the fantasies driving the desire to push limits and communicating openly with their partner about them.\n\n6. The Dangers of Labeling: Caution against using terms like \"real submissive\" or \"true Master\" and explain how these phrases often mean \"someone who plays in a way I approve of.\" Encourage readers to acknowledge and honor the limits, desires, fantasies, and power of both themselves and their partners.", "response": "\n\n3\n\nWHAT DO TOPS DO?\n\nFINDING YOUR TOP PERSONA. As a top, you might be a sadistically vicious interrogator, or a sweetly sorrowful parent who\u2019s only spanking this naughty boy for his own good. You could be a mad scientist out of a horror film, an eight-year-old girl blackmailing her babysitter, Simon Legree, the Phantom of the Opera, or the evil caliph keeping his harem in order. You could be Captain Bligh, Captain Picard, Captain Hook, Captain America or even Captain Kangaroo, because the ways to be a top are limited only by your imagination.\n\nMost of our fantasies come from very deep places inside us \u2013 Janet blushes to admit that she still has toppy fantasies about the villains on the old campy \u201cBatman\u201d TV show that aired in her impressionable adolescence. We draw our fantasies from the powerful archetypes found in popular culture, like movies and TV shows; from the real-world torture and rape that simultaneously fascinate and horrify us; from well-thumbed reminiscences of our own childhoods \u2013 in short, from almost any place our monkey curiosity carries us.\n\nFantasies are seldom sophisticated, ambiguous or even very pretty. They almost never contain negotiation or safewords (these are \u201csafety nets\u201d that get built into our real-world play to help make our fantasies safer to enact). For these reasons, and because we know that wanting to hurt, control or humiliate people is not OK, we may feel very ashamed or embarrassed about our fantasies. But once we overcome that embarrassment, and discover how many other people have similar feelings, our fantasy world becomes a hot and happy playground.\n\n> During one of our play dates, we originally had no particular scenario in mind. But during the one-hour drive between our houses, Janet was idly fantasizing about being the matron in a Victorian workhouse full of girl orphans. With no small embarrassment, she shared that fantasy with Dossie over lunch. Dossie happened to be wearing a sundress that made her look about fourteen, and the roles and scenario fell easily into place from there: Dossie became the new little orphan recently brought into the workhouse, and \u201cMiss Janet, ma\u2019am\u201d spent a happy couple of hours showing her \u201chow things is done around \u2019ere,\u201d and demonstrating the dreadful canings she would get if she ever misbehaved.\n\nAdvertising people refer to radio as \u201ctheater of the mind,\u201d because a few well-chosen words and sound effects are all it takes to create an entire scenario inside the head of the listener. We think S/M is theater of the mind, too. It\u2019s a rare treat when you can set up a scene with full props and costumes and dialogue; more often, a couple of items \u2013 a dashing hat, say, or a flogger that looks like something Basil Rathbone might have used on Errol Flynn \u2013 is all it takes to create and maintain an illusion. And, as the top, you get to be playwright, set designer, costume designer, director and audience.\n\nDO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A ROLE? A lot of our best S/M scenes have been done without recourse to any particular role \u2013 we\u2019re not Harriet Marwood or Ming the Merciless, we\u2019re simply us.\n\nStill, any given scene has a \u201cflavor\u201d that can often be described by describing a role. A harsh scene in which limits get pushed, in which the top acts as though she really doesn\u2019t care what happens to the bottom, may have the flavor of a torture or interrogation scene. A very nurturing scene, in which the top is giving the bottom a lot of \u201cthere, there, you can take just a little more\u201d messages, may have more of a nice-mommy or nice-daddy flavor.\n\nA lot of people are bashful about overt role-playing, and others simply aren\u2019t turned on by it \u2013 it seems false to them. But, just as a role-playing scene where the bottom wants to be a horsie and the top wants to be Superman is likely to run into problems, a scene where one partner wants to humiliate and the other wants to be nurtured is probably not going to work too well. So even if you\u2019re not into playing your roles overtly, it\u2019s important to be clear about what flavor of scene you want. And when we talk in this book about a \u201cdaddy scene\u201d or an \u201cinterrogation scene,\u201d we may be talking about a scene with overt roles, props and dialogue, or we may be describing the overall flavor of the scene.\n\nWHERE ARE THE BOUNDARIES?\n\nAs you can see, many of the roles in this book reflect real-world power relationships of various intensities. Because we are eroticized to power, we may begin to feel that we want our play to be more and more \u201creal\u201d \u2013 to creep closer to the edge where the realities of consent and power begin to blur.\n\nS/M folk sometimes describe people who play in that blurry area as \u201cedge players.\u201d But we think all players are edge players.\n\nWe\u2019re all playing in a topsy-turvy world where pain equals pleasure, where fear equals arousal, where \u201cno! no!\u201d equals \u201cYES!!!\u201d Each of us may be, in our own way, trying to define the boundary where our bottoms\u2019 enjoyment of \u201cnot wanting something\u201d turns into really not wanting it, and trying to explore and, perhaps, alter that boundary. The player whose play seems so light that you wouldn\u2019t even define it as S/M is an edge player when she is in her own way doing something that\u2019s difficult or scary or painful, in an attempt to turn the unacceptable into the erotic: playing at his or her edge.\n\nJanet once did a scene with a novice bottom:\n\n> He\u2019d never played at all before, and so I set his first scene up to be very lightweight: I tied him to the bed, blindfolded him, and simply gave him mild, sensuous sensations with different textures \u2013 fur, leather, my fingernails and so on \u2013 all over his body. If you\u2019d asked me beforehand, I\u2019d have told you such a scene would not be much of a turn-on for me; I was doing it as a favor to him. But as I caressed him, he began to release some deep emotions: he giggled, he writhed, he sobbed\u2026 he was just one great big live nerve ending. And I found that I was getting very turned on, because while the sensations I was giving him weren\u2019t much, they were eliciting such powerful and primal responses from him. He was getting stroked with a scrap of fur, but it was edge play for him \u2013 and that made it edge play for me too.\n\nWe deplore what Dossie has dubbed \u201cthe hierarchy of hip about heaviness.\u201d In this form of craziness, a player whose forays into branding/bullwhips/whatever have been only moderately successful is deemed superior to one whose light spankings or erotic bondage sessions have left his or her partner glowing like a 200-watt bulb. To us, the only criterion for good play is: did everyone involved get what they wanted from it? If the answer to that question is \u201cyes,\u201d the session gets an automatic A-plus \u2013 whether it was a handspanking or a needle suspension.\n\nWe know one player whose mantra is \u201cThis is not a contest. This is not a contest\u201d \u2013 repeated to himself every time he begins to try to exceed another player\u2019s accomplishments. We think this is a good mantra for us all.\n\nSAFEWORDS. A safeword is a word agreed upon by the players in a scene that means stop, there\u2019s a problem, we need to change something, something isn\u2019t working, someone\u2019s in trouble. We establish a code word because many of us become incoherent when we are very excited \u2013 we recommend safewords that are short and easy to pronounce when breathing hard. We use code because many scenes are based on a fantasy of nonconsent, and yelling \u201cnononononono\u201d may be part of the script.\n\nTops safeword too. Dossie tells the story of a time when she safeworded out of a major scene:\n\n> My lover had wanted me to brand her for a long time, and we had planned, collected information, researched everybody else\u2019s experience and our own personal symbolism, and set up to do a ritual branding. We lived in the country, and had invited friends to come down to support this event, so there were witnesses. I had been practicing branding and felt somewhat insecure about my facility with the procedure, but spent the morning up in the ring of redwood trees over a very hot hibachi gamely branding slices of potato and turkey parts until I felt I could touch her with hot metal and not burn all the way through her. During this time, the houseguests were keeping her amused, and when we started up she was already entranced. Our ritual included a flogging to bring up the endorphins before the actual branding, but when I started to flog her it became apparent that something was wrong. Nothing I did seemed to be right for her, a very gentle stroke was too hard, she was not comfortable and neither was I. She wanted to go ahead anyway, but I decided that I could not brand her when I couldn\u2019t make connection, and that there was no way that I was going to put a serious and permanent mark on her body when things were feeling unpleasant. So I safeworded, big bad brander that I am. I felt like an idiot. Here we had brought all these people together and I had chickened out. And my lover wasn\u2019t happy about it, and it took awhile to bring her back down onto the planet from her tranced-out space \u2013 it was dire. I must have apologized forty or fifty times to our guests, who were very supportive and reassuring, bless their hearts. I reminded myself over and over, as I remind you now: it is possible, actually not very difficult, to have an experience of extreme public embarrassment, live through it, and be fine afterwards. Which we were. I now think the first time was a rehearsal, and perhaps we both needed to know that we could back out. About a month later, we got together with two friends and pulled the branding off without a hitch, and with much delight.\n\nWhenever a player safewords, this is an occasion for mutual support. We understand that nobody safewords from a happy place, and that all of our egos feel frail and kind of runty when we need to back out of a scene. It is completely unethical to respond with scorn or ridicule to a person who has safeworded: S/M is not a competition, we are not playing against each other.\n\nAs tops, we have noticed that if we are having a good time and our bottom safewords, our initial feelings may not be happy. Whaddaya mean you don\u2019t like that? I do all this work and you don\u2019t appreciate it? I\u2019m hot for being in control and you want me to stop? We have felt real anger and felt challenged in our top role\u2026 and, on a deeper level, we have felt put down, hurt and rejected. It is okay to have these feelings. It is not okay to act on them. Take three deep breaths and everybody start taking care of each other.\n\nSometimes bottoms get so deeply engaged in a scene that they fail to safeword, or forget, or so profoundly believe in the fantasy that it doesn\u2019t occur to them: many of the techniques we play with, like interrogation, function in the real world to undermine volition. Dossie remembers a scene in which a top offered her a choice of something or other: \u201cI felt very confused. Some distant part of me vaguely remembered having made choices, but the response from my state of consciousness at that time was, Choose? I am not a thing that chooses.\u201d So then what is the top\u2019s responsibility?\n\nIf a bottom does not safeword and you don\u2019t pick up on what\u2019s going on, and this will happen if you play long enough and well enough, there is no blame. However, it is still your responsibility to monitor for physical safety as best you can. As ethical tops we make a commitment to never knowingly harm our bottoms. To this end we check in regularly to make sure that things are going the way we think they are, and we constantly monitor the physical and emotional safety of our bottoms. If a bottom is beyond safewording, and you as the top feel unsure about how far you should go, it is your responsibility to slow down or stop the scene and get into communication with the bottom to make sure you have informed consent. If you have to bring the bottom back into reality to do this, please remember that you helped get them into that altered state in the first place, so presumably you can help get them back there again as soon as you are sure of what\u2019s going on.\n\nAnd just because someone safeworded doesn\u2019t mean that the scene has to be over. There may be times when the problem that brought either of you to safeword is so overwhelming that carrying on doesn\u2019t feel like the right thing right now \u2013 but most often we find that after we\u2019ve dealt with whatever the difficulty is, we\u2019re still terrifically turned on, with the added bonus of a shared intimacy.\n\nWHEN YOU ITCH TO GO FURTHER. Many of us find that the more we play, the closer we want to come to the gray area between \u201cenough\u201d and \u201ctoo much,\u201d between consent and nonconsent. These desires may grow so strong that we feel that we\u2019re craving genuinely nonconsensual play \u2013 that we really do want to kidnap a stranger or whip a slave or punish a child.\n\nWe will assume that you who are reading this book are not about to do any such thing: if you feel that you are in danger of actually harming someone, please seek help from a therapist or counselor right away. But when you\u2019re feeling frustrated by partners who want to stop before you\u2019re ready to, or who don\u2019t want to play the way you want to, it\u2019s easy to let the fantasies grow so strong that they begin to seem like realities. The good news is that, with patience, skill, mutual knowledge and trust, and sometimes a bit of compromise, there are usually ways to indulge those desires without harming, alienating or losing your partner.\n\nWe suggest that you spend a little time thinking objectively, if you can, about the fantasies that are driving your desire to push limits. In your fantasy, what is the turn-on? How can you tell, for example, that the bottom has been driven past limits? Is she begging, crying, screaming? Is there physical evidence \u2013 blood, urine, tears?\n\nWhen you have a pretty clear picture of what that turn-on looks like to you, you get to the embarrassing part: describing it to your partner. You may find, to your surprise, that your bottom has been having similar fantasies, and needs only your permission to go into the headspace you\u2019ve both been craving. (Begging for mercy, for example, is difficult for many bottoms, who may be worried that they will beg so effectively that you\u2019ll actually stop. Knowing that you\u2019re willing to keep going unless you hear a safeword can feel very freeing.) Or your bottom may be willing to play-act the fantasy in the way that turns you on \u2013 he may find that the role starts to seem very real and very arousing once he gives it a try.\n\nWe sometimes meet tops and bottoms who want to do scenes without safewords, reasoning that it is impossible to \u201creally\u201d push limits when the bottom can stop the scene anytime she wants to. A safeword is simply a code we use to communicate the status of consent. Responsible tops play consensually \u2013 the safeword is your safety net, to let you know that\u2019s what you\u2019re doing.\n\nIn our experience, the most common problem is the opposite one: bottoms who earnestly hang in there way beyond their limits and safeword too late rather than too soon. But remember \u2013 bottoms are there with you because they want to explore their limits, and they, not you, are the best judges of where those limits are. The safest and most growthful way to expand limits is with time, trust and practice: as partners play together and learn more about each other\u2019s communications style and physical limitations, they tend to use encoded safewords less and less frequently. But even partners who have been together for years need safewords to signal the rare but critical situations where one partner or the other has a genuine physical or emotional emergency such as illness, injury, unexpected rage, age regression and the like.\n\nIF YOU\u2019RE DOING IT, IT\u2019S \u201cREAL\u201d\n\nBoth of us cringe, and have been known to get a bit snappish, when we hear phrases that start with \u201creal\u201d or \u201ctrue\u201d \u2013 \u201creal submissive,\u201d \u201ctrue Master\u201d and so on. When you hear someone say one of those phrases, we suggest you mentally translate them into what they really mean \u2013 \u201csomeone who plays in a way I approve of.\u201d Usually, the next thing we hear is that so-and-so is not a \u201creal\u201d top or not \u201ctruly\u201d submissive. Ick.\n\nOften, people who dismiss others as not being \u201creal\u201d are expressing scorn for limits which are both real and realistic, and which exist (acknowledged or unacknowledged) in all safe play. When you set yourself up an unattainable ideal role, and subtract points from your estimation of your friends and yourself whenever anyone falls short of that ideal, we think you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.\n\nThe player who does a light session twice a year is doing something extremely \u201creal\u201d \u2013 she is giving away or taking as much power as feels safe, healthy and sexy to him or her. So is the most extreme 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week owner and slave couple.\n\nS/M is about contradiction, about paradox. A bottom who is (or pretends to be) without desires, fantasies or power is an unsafe and unhealthy bottom. A top who is (or pretends to be) without vulnerability, compromise or connection is an unsafe and unhealthy top.\n\nIf you can\u2019t understand these paradoxes \u2013 the ways in which symbolic powerlessness can empower and symbolic cruelty can sensitize \u2013 please sit down and think them through carefully. We hope that when you\u2019re through thinking, you\u2019ll realize how destructive concepts like \u201creal dominant\u201d and \u201ctrue slave\u201d can be, and discover the far greater joys that lie in play in which everybody\u2019s needs and wants are acknowledged, honored and enjoyed.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"A Detailed Account of a Sensation Scene at a BDSM Party\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a detailed account of a sensation scene between two experienced female players, Janet and her friend, B. The account should include the following:\n\n1. Background: Provide some background on the relationship between Janet and B, including their sexual orientations, roles, and previous play experiences together.\n\n2. Preparation and Consent: Describe the discussions they had before the scene, including the types of play they agreed upon, their safewords, and any boundaries or limitations.\n\n3. Setting and Equipment: Detail the setting of the scene at a BDSM party and the bondage equipment they chose, such as a cable-spool table with handles.\n\n4. The Scene: Describe the various sensation play activities that took place during the scene, including the use of different types of floggers, a strap, a butt plug, and a birch rod. Include details on how each implement affected B and how Janet adjusted her approach based on B's reactions.\n\n5. Emotions and Reactions: Share the emotions and reactions from both Janet and B throughout the scene, such as moments of discomfort, arousal, and pleasure.\n\n6. Climax and Aftercare: Detail the climax of the scene, including the use of canes and the final orgasm. Describe the aftercare that took place, including giggling, cuddling, and food/drink.\n\n7. Follow-up: Mention any follow-up communication between Janet and B after the scene, such as an email discussing their experience.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 1\n\nA sensation scene at a party, played by Janet and a female friend.\n\nB. and I are close friends, but had played together before only once, in a very limited way; this would be our first full-on scene together. We are both het-identified bi women, both experienced players, and while we\u2019re both switches, she is more comfortable in the bottom role. I knew from our discussions ahead of time that she enjoyed flagellation of all kinds, particularly on her butt, and that she was fond of play piercing and of both vaginal and anal penetration. While she is comfortable with dominant/submissive roleplay, she doesn\u2019t need it to enjoy straight sensation play; since it isn\u2019t a preference of mine, we decided to pass on any kind of mental control and simply go for the \u201chigh\u201d of strong sensation. We agreed on safewords and were ready to go.\n\nWe arrived at the party somewhat early, so we had our choice of bondage equipment. To start out, we chose a large cable-spool table, padded with vinyl and surrounded by handles. B. told me that bondage makes her feel uncomfortably confined and that she would prefer simply to be told to hold still. She hopped onto the table and I told her to lie face down, placing a thick pad of paper towels under her pussy to keep her juices off the equipment. I unfastened her garters and took down her stockings, but left her corset in place; her butt was my target for this part of the evening.\n\nI started out with a heavy soft suede flogger and began gently flogging her butt and upper thighs. I could tell she was hardly feeling these strokes, but I built them up fairly slowly anyway, swinging overhand from her left side, then from her right. By the time the strokes got fairly hard, she was beginning to get turned on, arching her butt up to meet the suede and moaning loudly. I moved down to her feet and pulled them apart to spread her legs, then began flogging her butt from below in a figure-eight configuration, quite hard. Her response grew vivid enough that I was pretty sure she\u2019d come if I kept it up, and I didn\u2019t want that to happen yet. So I finished with a few more strokes and switched to a harsher, stingier braided cat, using the same pattern of first from the left side, then from the right, then in a figure-eight from below. I thought that this sensation would be more painful and less sexual for her, and judging from her reaction, it was\u2026 but she was obviously still having a good time. (It was somewhere around this time that I moved up to her head to see how she was doing, and she saw that I was laughing and began to get a little uptight, thinking that I was laughing at her. I said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m just laughing because you\u2019re so unbelievably fucking wonderful.\u201d)\n\nI wanted her next sensation to be solider, not as spread out as the multi-tailed implements I\u2019d been using so far. I got out a heavy leather strap and began swinging that from the side. She was obviously working pretty hard to handle that sensation; she started rolling from side to side to avoid the blows, so I used my left hand to press the small of her back down toward the table while I whipped with my right. I wasn\u2019t sure if being held down physically would trigger her aversion to bondage, so I watched her reactions carefully. It seemed OK, and I was enjoying it, so I kept it up. The sensation of the strap didn\u2019t seem to be turning her on much, though, and I wanted to keep her sexual arousal high. I put a glove on my right hand and lubed a couple of fingers and began to explore her asshole. One finger went in effortlessly, and so did two. She was moaning and wriggling against my fingers \u2013 OK, great. I got a medium-sized butt plug out of my bag, stretched a condom over it, lubed it up, and inserted it. It went in with no difficulty at all, and she reacted with dramatic and visible arousal. I resumed strapping her, pausing to wiggle the plug a bit whenever the balance between pain and arousal seemed to be tipping too far.\n\nNext I got out an experiment \u2013 a birch rod (a bundle of long whippy birch switches bound together at the handle and spreading out into a broomlike spray). She\u2019d never felt a birch before, and I\u2019d only used one a couple of times before, so we weren\u2019t sure how this would work out. Since she\u2019d been reacting more positively to thuddy toys than to stingy ones, my guess was that she\u2019d have a hard time with something as stingy as the birch. I started hitting her ass with it. She went quite still, her back arched, hands braced against the table and shoulders and head up. Obviously I\u2019d guessed right \u2013 this was a tough sensation for her. But she rose to the challenge. I went a little harder. Her face was working with the effort to process the sensation. I was enjoying birching her a lot, but I wanted this scene to be more about pleasure/pain than straight pain, so I didn\u2019t push it too hard. I rubbed and massaged her butt a bit to diffuse the sting, and told her she\u2019d been great.\n\nTime for something more fun. I took out a clublike rod of heavy Teflon \u2013 a thuddy instrument that has to be used extremely carefully, since it could break bones with a missed or overly hard blow. I tried a couple of not-too-hard strokes on her lower butt and she began to moan almost immediately. I hit a bit harder and she began to writhe. Experimentally, I tapped the base of the butt plug with the club a couple of times and she began to act like she was about to come, so I grabbed the plug and began to wiggle and thrust it. She came almost immediately, loudly and enthusiastically. I alternated hitting her with the club and getting her off with the plug a couple more times until she was panting and limp.\n\nAt last, the grand finale \u2013 the canes, which I knew were her favorite and mine. I started with my lightest cane, a medium-width whippy rattan one. I gave her one trial moderate-strength stroke, and when I saw her reaction I knew we were onto something. I hit harder, mostly giving her about fifteen seconds between strokes to process the sensation, but occasionally making her work harder by giving her two or even three in quick succession. Her moans were low-pitched and the motion of her hips told me that she was finding the cane strokes erotic. But she\u2019d taken quite a bit by now, and since I didn\u2019t really know too much about how well her body recovered from heavy beatings, I didn\u2019t want to push my luck, so I began to think about winding the session down.\n\nI switched to a different cane \u2013 a manmade one, a bit thicker and quite a bit heavier in weight. I gave her a dozen or so blows with it, walking from one side of the table to the other between strokes so that she had plenty of time to work with the sensation. I reached for the butt plug again, manipulating it with my right hand and pressing against her pubic mound with my left, bringing her to one final giant orgasm. Then I told her she could choose a number between two and ten to receive with the heavy cane, and then we\u2019d be done. She chose four. I gave them to her as hard as she could take, and felt the endorphins rush in her and me as she stretched to meet my challenge. And then the scene was over.\n\nWe both got caught up in a tremendous fit of the giggles, composed of equal parts, I think, of endorphins, relief and triumph (we\u2019d done it!). I got up on the table with her and held her and we smooched and giggled for a while. When she felt ready to get up, I helped her off the table and swept the toys any old which way into the bag (I could always reorganize them later) and went back out into the social area looking for food and drink. We spent the next hour or so cuddling, nibbling, chatting and watching other scenes together.\n\nThe next morning, before I had a chance to call her to see how she was doing, I found an e-mail waiting for me raving about what a wonderful time she\u2019d had and how colorful her backside was looking. It felt great to receive it.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"Rights and Responsibilities of a Top in BDSM Play\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a detailed account of the rights and responsibilities of a top in BDSM play. The account should include the following:\n\n1. Introduction: Begin with a quote about power and responsibility, emphasizing the importance of precision, fairness, and humility in wielding power.\n\n2. General Responsibilities: Discuss the general responsibilities a top takes on when deciding to engage in BDSM play, focusing on the potential impact on both the top's and the bottom's physical and emotional well-being.\n\n3. The Top's Bill of Rights: Present a \"Bill of Rights\" for dominants, sadists, and all those who engage in BDSM play, outlining the rights they have in order to create satisfying scenes and ensure mutual support and consent.\n\n4. Specific Rights: Detail specific rights that tops have, such as the right to clear communication, support from their partner, nurturance, having their needs met, responsiveness from their partner, and constructive feedback.\n\n5. Real-life Example: Include a real-life example of a scene where the top felt emotionally vulnerable and needed nurturing, illustrating the importance of adequate support and care.\n\n6. The Top's List of Responsibilities: Outline the responsibilities that a top takes on when engaging in BDSM play, including knowing and stating their needs, wants, and limits, following through on promises, ensuring physical safety for themselves and their partner, being prepared for emergencies, caring for equipment, and ensuring emotional safety for themselves and their partner.\n\n7. Conclusion: Summarize the importance of understanding and upholding both the rights and responsibilities of a top in BDSM play, emphasizing the role of communication, consent, and care in creating safe and enjoyable scenes.", "response": "\n\n4\n\nRIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES\n\n> \u201cIt is always wrong to wield power if you are not prepared to accept the consequences for your actions and do the work it takes to use your strength and authority with precision and fairness. A good leader is many people\u2019s servant. If being trained to become a perfect servant sounds too humiliating, you are not strong enough to withstand the temptations of wielding power.\u201d1\n\nLighting up dark places \u2013 your own and your bottom\u2019s \u2013 is a tremendous responsibility and a tremendous turn-on. While you may top playfully, you should never do so frivolously; your partner\u2019s physical and emotional well-being, and your own, are on the line. This chapter is about the kinds of responsibility you are agreeing to take on when you decide to top, and about the kinds of rewards you have a right to expect in return.\n\nTHE TOP\u2019S BILL OF RIGHTS\n\nWe the players of the BDSM communities, in order to form more perfect scenes, establish arousal, ensure domestic titillation, provide for mutual support, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of sadomasochism to ourselves and our play partners, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights for dominants, sadists and all those who put their self-image and reputation on the line to get themselves and their partners off.\n\nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CLEAR COMMUNICATION. Before, during and after your play, you are entitled to receive as much information about your partner\u2019s needs, wants and limits as he is capable of giving you. He doesn\u2019t get to withhold information for fear of scaring you off, to exaggerate his abilities, or to pretend not to have limits (we all have limits). On the other hand, he can\u2019t share information he doesn\u2019t have; novices may not know much about their limits, but can still probably tell you quite a bit about their fantasies. Asking you to top without as much information as you can get is like asking a contractor to build a house without seeing the blueprint.\n\nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT SUPPORT FROM YOUR PARTNER \u2013 WHETHER YOU\u2019RE IN SCENE SPACE OR OUT OF IT. As we sit here writing this chapter, we\u2019re looking in our crystal ball, and it tells us that you\u2019re going to make mistakes. We wish the lottery were this easy to predict.\n\nWhen those inevitable mistakes happen, you have the right to expect that your partner will work with you to help correct the situation promptly and efficiently, so that the two of you can go on playing \u2013 or, if things have gone too far awry to finish that particular scene, to go on being friends and to play again another time. Unless your screwup is malicious or unforgivably careless, you have the right to mutual non-blaming \u2013 to the assumption that you were doing your best and simply made an error.\n\nAnd you have a right to your partner\u2019s friendship and support at those times when you don\u2019t feel like being a top: sometimes we all need simply to be held, sympathized with, taken out to lunch, or maybe even to get some pain or bondage for ourselves \u2013 and a bottom who withdraws from you the minute you take off your fetish gear or put down your whip isn\u2019t supporting those very human and essential needs.\n\nYOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE NURTURED. People\u2019s needs for nurturance vary widely, but most of us need to feel taken care of at least sometimes \u2013 even, perhaps especially, tops. We remember a scene we did together:\n\n> In this scene, Dossie was a prom queen, all in taffeta and rhinestones, and Janet was the street hood who kidnaps her from the prom at knifepoint to torture and rape her. It was a very hot scene, played at a party in front of dozens of eager spectators. Janet found herself becoming a very scary \u201choodlum,\u201d conscienceless and full of anger, and the scene became charged with frightening, sinister \u2013 and very hot \u2013 energy. After duly binding, stripping, beating, torturing and fucking Dossie, Janet held her and brought her nicely back down to earth. Then we went upstairs for something to eat. In the food room, Janet, who was by this point trembling and a bit weepy, sat at Dossie\u2019s feet and said plaintively, \u201cCould you just pet me for a while, please?\u201d Dossie stroked Janet\u2019s hair and rubbed her neck and shoulders until Janet felt quite sure that Dossie wasn\u2019t still seeing her as the nasty hoodlum, and still accepted and liked her after experiencing such a dark and shadowy self.\n\nThe moral is that accessing your shadow, as a top or as a bottom, can put you into a state of tremendous emotional vulnerability, and you may need lots of nurturing and acceptance while you are in that state. If you\u2019re not getting the kind of nurturing you want, you should ask for it \u2013 needing to be taken care of does not make you less of a top, it makes you more of a human being.\n\nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET YOUR NEEDS MET. A footrub? A sinkful of clean dishes? An earful of shrieks? An orgasm? Whatever it is that you need to feel like topping has been worthwhile for you, you\u2019re entitled to get that (the reverse, of course, is also true \u2013 your bottom has the right to expect to get his or her needs met as well).\n\nBut you can\u2019t expect your bottom to read your mind. If you like to hear begging, for example, say so \u2013 your bottom may have previously played with a top who insisted on stoical silence, and only be doing what she thinks is right. Some tops may have come of age in a milieu where genital sex is an expected part of S/M, and be dismayed and annoyed by a bottom who doesn\u2019t automatically work to get his or her top off \u2013 others could be outraged by a bottom who tries to get inside their leathers without express direction. You have to ask if you expect to get.\n\nIt sounds obvious to say that a top should tell his or her bottom how to meet his or her needs \u2013 after all, isn\u2019t that what a top does? But we\u2019ve found it isn\u2019t necessarily that simple: asking for what you really want, particularly if it isn\u2019t part of a standard S/M scenario, can feel vulnerable and embarrassing. All we can tell you about that is that the payoff is, or should be, worth the vulnerability: that a scene where you and your bottom both get your needs met is almost certain to be more satisfying for both of you, and to lead to more and hotter scenes later.\n\nYOU HAVE A RIGHT TO RESPONSIVENESS. Very few tops enjoy pouring their energy and toppiness into a bottom who\u2019s so stoical that they can\u2019t tell whether or not he\u2019s enjoying it. When we top, we enjoy a bottom who gives us lots of hot sexy screaming, moaning, trembling and/or writhing, preferably with a wet pussy or hard dick for reinforcement. Other tops like watching a bottom struggle to maintain composure under stress (although a bottom who maintained composure too perfectly probably wouldn\u2019t be very much fun to play with). Again, ask for what you want.\n\nYou also have a right to verbal response during the scene if you want it. When we ask \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs this working for you?,\u201d we all like to hear answers in the affirmative. However, always getting an affirmative answer, or getting an affirmative answer in the face of evidence to the contrary (wrap marks on a belly, for example), leaves us clueless, foundering and frustrated. If having a bottom chirp \u201cPardon me, sir or ma\u2019am, but could you hit a little lower, please?\u201d seems disrespectful to you, tell him or her to ask permission to speak first \u2013 and, upon receiving it, to give you the information you need. (We like to thank our bottoms when they give us important information.)\n\nYOU HAVE A RIGHT TO CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK. At some point within a day or two after your scene, you and your bottom will probably want to do some talking about how it went \u2013 what worked and didn\u2019t work for you and for her, what you might like to do differently next time, and an overview of how the scene was for both of you. During this \u201cdebriefing\u201d \u2013 which we think is essential to both your relationship with your partner and your growth as a top \u2013 you have a right to helpful, constructive criticism. Your bottom should tell you about anything that didn\u2019t go well in such a way that you know how you can do it more successfully next time, and she should also tell you about the stuff that did go well, giving you lots of nice ego strokes along the way. Similarly, any feedback you have for your bottom also needs to be supportive and constructive. A bottom who blames you for your mistakes, tears down your performance without offering constructive suggestions, or shuts down and simply won\u2019t tell you what his or her experience was like, is not a bottom we suggest you play with twice.\n\nTHE TOP\u2019S LIST OF RESPONSIBILITIES\n\nLike all rights, top\u2019s rights carry a burden of responsibility. Here are some of the responsibilities we think you take on when you agree to top:\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOWING AND STATING YOUR NEEDS, WANTS AND LIMITS. When you\u2019re pretending to be Attila the Hun, Scourge of the Dungeon, it can be easy to forget that tops have limits too. But doing scenes that make you feel incompetent or disgusted or like a bad person is a really good way to lose track of the fact that we\u2019re supposed to be having fun here, and to burn yourself out.\n\nEverybody has needs, wants and limits. If you\u2019re new at this, you may discover some of yours by tripping over them \u2013 by doing a scene and discovering that you feel just awful, either because of something you did that you shouldn\u2019t have, or because of something you didn\u2019t do that you should have. But even if you\u2019re an old hand, your limits may change over time: Janet spent years with a strong limit around breaking skin during play, but then discovered play piercing and started sticking needles into her friends every chance she gets.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR FOLLOWING THROUGH ON YOUR PROMISES. When your play date is coming up, you may hear a chorus of \u201cyahbut\u201d voices in your head \u2013 \u201cYah, but I\u2019m not feeling toppy.\u201d \u201cYah, but I didn\u2019t get a good night\u2019s sleep last night.\u201d \u201cYah, but I\u2019ve got a lot to do afterwards and I don\u2019t want to tire myself out.\u201d \u201cYah, but what if I fuck up?\u201d While we understand that pre-scene nervousness (which is often the part of you that\u2019s literally \u201cscared of your own shadow\u201d \u2013 see Chapter 15) can be daunting, bottoms are driven insane by tops who promise playdates and don\u2019t follow through; this sort of approach/avoidance behavior is unfair and irresponsible.\n\nIf you\u2019re feeling like you want to cancel or no-show on a playdate, please don\u2019t, unless your reasons are excellent. Go, and use some of the suggestions you\u2019ll read in Chapter 9 to help yourself get turned on and into top space. We don\u2019t think you\u2019ll regret it.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARTNER\u2019S PHYSICAL SAFETY. Your bottom may or may not be able to tell you if something you\u2019re doing is causing physical harm. She may be so high on endorphins that he simply can\u2019t tell what\u2019s happening, or may have gotten non-verbal and forgotten how to communicate. If you\u2019re not sure whether or not your bottom is able to communicate, you\u2019ll have to take the responsibility for initiating the communication. Questions like \u201cHow are your hands feeling\u201d or \u201cSome of these strokes seem to be causing some bruises; is that OK\u201d or \u201cAre you getting dizzy\u201d are perfectly all right, and if your bottom doesn\u2019t want to answer them, you should probably order her to.\n\nJanet did a scene once where her top did a good job of taking care of her physical safety:\n\n> We were at a costume party where I was wearing a dress made out of imitation chain mail with nothing underneath \u2013 so I\u2019d been sitting on a rough surface all night. I got naked, and my friend started spanking me with his hand, then with a hairbrush. I was having a swell time and could happily have gone on all night\u2026 but suddenly he stopped, said, \u201cI think you\u2019re losing some hide here,\u201d and ended the scene (against my vociferous protests). But sure enough, when I got home that evening, one cheek of my ass bore a large raw blister that took several weeks of cleaning and bandaging to heal properly. If my friend had kept on going as I demanded, the combination of the rough chain mail and the heavy spanking might have done serious damage to my skin \u2013 and I\u2019d never have known it until it was too late.\n\nSobriety is also important. While different players\u2019 standards vary \u2013 some folks feel OK about very light use of intoxicants in scene, while others do not \u2013 it is certain that if you are too stoned or drunk to drive a car or go to work, you should not be playing. We urge extreme conservatism in the use of intoxicants during any kind of sex, and most especially during BDSM: there is probably nothing you do that demands better judgment and emotional balance, and using chemicals to impair those qualities strikes us as a very bad idea. Besides, why on earth would you want to blur such a wonderful experience?\n\nSafer sex is a subset of physical safety. Part of safeguarding your bottom\u2019s, and your own, physical well-being is making sure that neither of you takes anything away from the session that you don\u2019t want \u2013 an unplanned pregnancy or a nuisance infection or a deadly disease. Opinions change monthly as to how risky various sexual and S/M activities are in terms of disease transmission; we urge conservatism \u2013 when in doubt, use a latex or polyurethane barrier. Don\u2019t assume that your partner\u2019s definition of safer sex is the same as yours: discuss beforehand which activities each of you thinks are risk-free enough to do without a barrier, which are risky enough to require a barrier, and which are too risky to do at all. If one of you has more conservative standards than the other, that person sets the standards, regardless of who\u2019s topping and who\u2019s bottoming \u2013 it is entirely unacceptable to subject someone to a physical risk to which they haven\u2019t consented. The important thing is not the latest statistics or scientific study; the important thing is that you both feel safe.\n\nTake care of your own safety, too: don\u2019t play with strangers in private, and the first few times you play with a new partner, tell a trusted friend where you are and who you\u2019re with (and make sure your play partner knows that you\u2019ve taken that precaution).\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS. Not everything that can go wrong in an S/M scene has anything to do with S/M. As part of taking care of your bottom\u2019s (and your own) physical safety, you should have the equipment, training and ability to handle real-world emergencies ranging from quakes and fires through heart attacks and seizures.\n\nIf you don\u2019t know what you\u2019d do if the lights went out, if your bottom suddenly became seriously ill, or if you inadvertently started a fire in the playroom, you shouldn\u2019t do the scene until you\u2019ve figured these things out.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR CARING FOR YOUR EQUIPMENT. If you own your own whips, sex toys, bondage equipment and so on, you are responsible for seeing that these items are carefully selected, well maintained and properly cleaned. Aside from the aesthetics of the situation (dirty or uncared-for toys are a sign of a sloppy top), poor quality or poorly maintained toys are downright dangerous. We know one top who broke a finger trying to grab a whirling handle on a poorly designed winch, and we\u2019ve heard many stories of bottoms pulling inadequately attached eye-bolts out of the wall and sustaining nasty falls.\n\nWhile the jury is still out regarding whether or not HIV can be transmitted via uncleaned sex toys, it is certain that various other nasties, including hepatitis C, can be. When you\u2019re not sure if a toy has been exposed to body fluids, assume that it\u2019s contaminated and clean it carefully. Chapter 10, and several of the books in the Resource Guide, give more detailed toy cleaning information.\n\nYOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARTNER\u2019S EMOTIONAL SAFETY. This may seem a little counterintuitive \u2013 after all, in the real world, we believe that people should be responsible for taking care of their own emotions and for asking for the kinds of emotional support they need. But we believe that the implied contracts of what we do are a little different, and that the usual boundaries get shifted a bit when we play together.\n\nIf Dossie showed up for our co-authoring appointment tomorrow, and Janet said to her, \u201cDossie, I feel angry because of something you said last week,\u201d we would handle that in certain ways: Janet would accept responsibility for her own anger and would process it herself \u2013 with Dossie\u2019s help if Dossie cared to give that help, or without it if Dossie didn\u2019t.\n\nBut when we agree to play together, there is an assumption that those adult boundaries are going to be altered \u2013 perhaps even to some degree dropped. This is what we meant in the Introduction when we said that \u201cBDSM is ritualized codependency.\u201d Unlike the real world, where we assume that adults are responsible for processing their own emotions and taking care of their own needs, an player \u2013 particularly a bottom \u2013 may become quite dependent. Part of our responsibility as tops is caring for our bottoms when they are in that childlike, dependent state. If you think about it, this dictum is actually similar to our responsibility to care for our bottoms\u2019 physical well-being when they may be too endorphined out or too deeply in bottom space to do so.\n\nSo we believe that whether or not a bottom has asked to have their emotional safety taken care of, our responsibilities are to provide that support. As a default, we think that a top should take the lead in discussing what kinds of stimuli are likely to trigger emotional trauma for a bottom (Was she abused as a child? Is she a victim of violent crime? Is she grieving a lost friend or relationship?), and in ending or altering a scene that seems to be pushing emotional buttons in an unexpected way. If a top and bottom agree to venture into difficult emotional territory, we also think the top thereby takes responsibility to be available to the bottom during any emotional \u201caftershocks\u201d that ensue. Tops have aftershocks too, so we think this agreement should be mutual.\n\nEven if you\u2019re doing a scene that isn\u2019t particularly emotional, we think tops should expect to provide plenty of support, praise and affection \u2013 before, during and particularly after the scene. (If your bottom doesn\u2019t like this kind of nurturance, she should tell you so.) Taking good care of your bottom helps both of you to process the scene and nourishes both of you, so you can go on to do more and better scenes together in the future.\n\n1\\. Pat Califia\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"Learning BDSM Techniques and Philosophies for Novice Tops\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite an informative and engaging guide for novice tops on how to learn and master various BDSM techniques and philosophies. The guide should cover the following aspects:\n\n1. Introduction: Emphasize the importance of proper learning and understanding of BDSM practices for novice tops, explaining that simply rearing up and snarling commands is not enough without a clear idea of what happens next.\n\n2. Learning Resources: Discuss various resources available to novice tops, such as joining local BDSM support groups, attending demonstrations by experienced players, asking questions, and finding mentors or experienced bottoms willing to show them the ropes.\n\n3. Overcoming Biases: Address the issue of separated populations within the BDSM scene and the benefits of learning from people who are different from oneself. Discuss the importance of not letting one's top attitude get in the way of learning from bottoms.\n\n4. Learning by Experience: Encourage novice tops to try out activities they would like to do to someone else by getting someone to do them first. Discuss the concept of learning topping by bottoming and paying attention to what works and what doesn't.\n\n5. Importance of Research: Explain that this book is not an instruction manual and list several good books to read in the bibliography that will provide information on performing various S/M activities safely and well. Caution against relying on pornography or inexperienced sources for learning.\n\n6. Online Resources: Mention the availability of online resources such as Internet conversations, computer bulletin boards, and forums where novice tops can pick up information and ask questions. Emphasize the importance of verifying information due to the lack of reliable sources.\n\n7. Do-it-Yourself Experiments: Suggest that novice tops try out new sensations on themselves to understand how they feel, such as using clothespins or experimenting with bondage ideas. Remind readers to be safe and responsible while doing so.\n\n8. Practice and Preparation: Encourage novice tops to practice new techniques, such as hitting a pillow with a whip or kneeling on a hard floor, to understand the effects and limitations of their actions.\n\n9. Starting Lightly: Emphasize the importance of starting any new endeavor lightly and gradually increasing the intensity, using examples such as whipping or control scenes.\n\n10. Taking Your Time: Explain the benefits of taking things slow, making scenes ritualistic, and savoring the entire process, rather than rushing through it.\n\n11. Comfort and Safety: Remind novice tops to ensure their own comfort during scenes, as well as the comfort and safety of the environment, including room temperature, lighting, and the placement of candles and toys.\n\n12. Continuous Learning: Encourage novice tops to view each scene as an opportunity for learning and improvement, rather than worrying about what didn't happen or feeling like a failure if the scene doesn't go as far as they wanted it to.\n\n13. Conclusion: Reiterate that while there is a lot to learn, most details will become second nature quickly, and once started, the novice top can look forward to a lifetime of learning new and wonderful ways to play.", "response": "\n\n5\n\nHOW DO YOU LEARN TO DO THIS STUFF?\n\nOkay, so you\u2019re interested. You have fantasies, you\u2019ve thought about it, maybe you even have somebody who wants to play with you. So now what? Do you just rear up and snarl \u201cOn your knees, bitch\u201d (or \u201cboy,\u201d as the case may be)? Well, please don\u2019t \u2013 until you have a clear idea about what happens next.\n\nHow do you learn to do all this complex, sexy, arcane, and potentially dangerous stuff? How to tie someone up, preferably without damaging their nerves\u2026 how to build a structure that keeps your D/S connection hot and healthy\u2026 how to give someone a flogging without breaking any bones\u2026 how to give commands in an obey-me-now tone of voice\u2026 how to use an enormous range of implements to inflict all kinds of different and unimaginable sensations, and be deft enough not to drop any of them on your own toes, and still feel like a top?\n\nFor the novice top, there is a lot to learn. Start by giving yourself permission to be ignorant: it is not a crime to not know something. And even though your fantasy top may be omniscient, you are going to have to get down and learn. The more you can learn, and the more you are willing to learn, the better a top you will be. We feel sure you can have fun while you are learning to do all these wonderful things \u2013 we sure do.\n\nIf you live in or near a city that has a BDSM support group, join it. Support groups regularly put on demonstrations by experienced players of various skills, like flogging or play piercings, where they talk about the safety information and show you what to do. At such groups, you can also meet and ask questions of experienced players, or perhaps join forces with another learner to share experience and support each other in your explorations. You may find a mentor. You may find an experienced bottom who wants to play with you and is willing to show you a few things.\n\nUnfortunately, as the BDSM scene grows, we are seeing more separated populations emerging. Support groups now are often targeted to very specific members: gay men, dykes, heterosexuals (with bisexuals and transgendered folks welcome to some degree in most if not all of them), with even smaller groups for crossdressers, fetishists and the like. While it may be nice to be able to join a support group exclusively composed of people like yourself, we mourn the loss of diversity. When we were coming out, we learned so much from people who were different from ourselves, and we miss the sense of a larger community and the stimulation and adventures we encountered.\n\nPlease don\u2019t let your top attitude get in the way of learning from your bottom. The bottom knows these sensations and emotions from the inside, and knows more than anyone what works and what doesn\u2019t. Also, tastes and limits vary from bottom to bottom, so even when you become experienced you\u2019re still going to need to find out what works and doesn\u2019t work for each bottom you play with.\n\nIf you have friends who are seasoned players, you can try out activities you would like to do to someone else by getting someone to do them to you. A friend of ours learned massage by getting a lot of massages and remembering what she liked: you can learn topping by bottoming, and paying attention to what works, and asking the top questions afterwards if you were too distracted (or happy) to pay attention to the technical details. It\u2019s not uncommon for dominants to learn their craft by serving under a more experienced dominant for a prearranged period of time, often six months to a year; this way they can start by learning what submission feels like, move onward to assisting the dominant during play with other submissives, and eventually \u201cgraduate\u201d as experienced dominants, ready to take on submissives of their own.\n\nWhat, you say, me bottom? But I\u2019m a top! (Dossie once had that last sentence printed on a T-shirt as a present for a top of hers.) Some people hold that it is not possible to become a good top without bottoming, without direct personal experience of the sensations you like to inflict on others. We do know good tops who never bottom, but we find them to be the exception rather than the rule. Most good players, both top and bottom, have some history of switching, and many identify as switches.\n\nWe\u2019ve told you already that this book is not an instruction manual, and we have listed several good books to read in the Bibliography that will tell you how to perform various S/M activities safely and well. Be careful when reading books, especially pornography \u2013 many books are written by people with little or no experience, for fantasy purposes only, and you can\u2019t learn how to do the real part from them.\n\nPeople all over the world join in conversations on the Internet or on computer bulletin boards, where you can pick up a lot of information and ask questions \u2013 but please remember to check things out because you have no way of knowing whether your source has real experience or is just dreaming. Here in San Francisco there are publicly advertised classes on BDSM techniques and philosophies from basic through very advanced; other cities have similar institutions. More sources of information are listed in the Resource Guide.\n\nDO IT YOURSELF. Another resource for learning about new sensations is yourself. Try things out on yourself and see how they feel. Put a clothespin on the web between your thumb and your forefinger to find out how intense the sensation is, or put it on your chest, or your nipple, or\u2026. If the sensation seems too intense, see if you can eroticize it by masturbating. Does this change how it feels? Are you still reading this book?\n\nOops! We got carried away. Here we were telling you about trying things out at home. What we meant to say is that we want you to practice hitting a pillow with your new whip till you can hit the same spot with all the tails together every time, experiment with bondage ideas to find out if a particular sash, belt or rope will cut off circulation or abrade the skin if you yank on it, kneel on a hard floor for a period of time to see what parts of your body feel strained or uncomfortable\u2026 in short, do your homework.\n\nStart any new endeavor by thinking about what you are doing. With a new whip, for instance, think about what parts of the body have enough padding to strike safely \u2013 the ass, thighs, shoulder muscles and other well-padded parts with no exposed underlying organs can be struck with most kinds of whips, whereas backs of knees, faces and necks can only be tapped lightly\u2026 get the idea? And each person has different sensitivities on different parts of their body. How will you find that out?\n\nA basic rule of starting out doing anything new: you can\u2019t go wrong by starting out very lightly and working on up. Dossie remembers:\n\n> When I was a real neophyte, at one of the first occasions where I saw experienced people play, I was watching two leathermen, dressed head to toe in black leather with nickel studs gleaming everywhere, aviator sunglasses \u2013 I was completely intimidated. They were the most menacing-looking human beings I had ever been in the same room with. The top had a riding crop, and the bottom bent over a table, and I expected mayhem. What actually happened was that the top took the crop and went tap tap tap as lightly as rain over that bottom\u2019s ass. He made the skin flush with the lightest touches, bringing the blood to the skin, very patiently. I watched the bottom slowly become engaged in the sensation, swaying slightly, breathing deeper, getting turned on, all while the crop\u2019s touch was very sensual, very light. Very gradually, the top began to hit a little harder. As soon as the bottom began to jerk a little at the blows, he held steady and set up a rhythm for a while, not increasing the intensity, just staying right where it was beginning to hurt. I watched the bottom become entranced. Again and again, the top increased the intensity by just one notch, and the bottom became more and more responsive, both of them obviously in perfect communication with each other, almost as if they were dancing. Eventually, the top was striking with all the force he could muster, and the bottom was thrashing and yelling with wild abandon \u2013 they stayed there for a while too, savoring the experience as long as possible before it was time to come back down.\n\nIt\u2019s tough to go wrong by starting light, and some of the best floggings and canings start out as sensual scenes. Some may stay sensual, enjoying the dominance and control and the sensation without a need for intense pain. But however far you are going to go, starting any sensation at the lightest possible level allows the bottom to work his or her way into it as it allows you to get accustomed to the implement, work into a rhythm and get your aim adjusted so that if and when the scene escalates to a more intense level you will have, essentially, practiced.\n\nSame goes for scenes that are more about control than sensation. A scene can go badly awry if the dominant starts right off the bat giving orders that she knows are going to be emotionally very challenging to the submissive. We recommend starting with the easy stuff. Of course, what feels easy is going to vary from one submissive to the next \u2013 you need to find out about such things during negotiation \u2013 but many dominants start scenes by having the submissive remove her clothes or assume a certain position like kneeling. As the submissive begins to relax and become a little entranced, you can add more challenging forms of control.\n\nHelpful hint number two: take your time. A fantasy top may dash in and tie up his or her victim in three seconds, but that\u2019s fantasy. What is actually very sexy is to put someone in restraints very slowly, in a ritual pace, so you can savor the entire process, and have enough time to get the knots right without fumbling. Take your time approaching your bottom\u2019s body \u2013 just because he is all tied up doesn\u2019t mean you should leap on his or her genitals with little glad cries and no foreplay. Spend some time touching skin; it will bring you into synch with your bottom and take him further down into bottom space. And when you do get to the erogenous zones, take a lot of time. Enjoy yourself. After all, your bottom can\u2019t stop you, right?\n\nAnother hint: get comfortable. If you are going to spend a nice long time doing something exquisite to another person\u2019s body, you don\u2019t want to have to stop because your back hurts, so be aware of the position you are in when you start up and make sure it\u2019s going to be comfortable for a while. Some tops wear weight-lifting belts to protect their backs when they play, others recommend shoulder-stretching exercises before doing a flogging.\n\nAnd don\u2019t forget to make the room comfortable. You might be wearing more clothes than your bottom, and you might also be moving around more, so remember that naked people who can\u2019t move get cold, and turn the heat up. Floggers create a wind chill factor, so turn the heat up even further \u2013 you don\u2019t want your bottom distracted by the wrong kinds of discomfort. Check to make sure lights are not in your or your bottom\u2019s eyes (unless you\u2019re doing an interrogation scene), and make sure candles are safely placed where you aren\u2019t going to knock them over. Have towels, rubber gloves, condoms, lube and whatever toys you may be using laid out where you can reach them without losing contact.\n\nA final suggestion: when it starts getting good, when you start getting response, when your bottom starts breathing hard or maybe writhing a little, that means that you are doing something very right and you should keep on doing it. Many people make the mistake of speeding up at this point, or hitting harder, or otherwise upping the intensity, which can immediately take the bottom beyond the place where she was having such a good time. You\u2019ll develop a feel for when it\u2019s time to turn the volume up another notch \u2013 and stay with that another while \u2013 and this is how you can get to spend a very long time having lots of fun while you work your way to Nirvana.\n\nAnd if you only get partway to heaven this time, please remember that there is always the future. You can choose to worry about what didn\u2019t happen in a scene, and if you wish, you can feel like a failure if the scene you play today doesn\u2019t get as far as you wanted it to. But those two leathermen we described earlier had almost certainly played before and not gotten anywhere near that far. So value the pleasure you had today, and have confidence that you have also gained knowledge and expertise that will take you further down the road the next time you play.\n\nAs you can see, there is a lot to learn, but be reassured that most of the details will become second nature to you very quickly. The examples listed here are not a complete list, but a few ideas to get you started. And once you get started, we hope you will have a very good time learning new and wonderful ways to play for the rest of your life.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"An Anonymous Rubber Fetish Encounter at a Party\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a descriptive and sensual account of an anonymous encounter between two men at a rubber fetish party. Focus on the non-verbal communication, the sexual tension, and the exploration of each other's bodies. Include the following elements:\n\n1. Introduction: Set the scene at a rubber fetish party where the main character feels a bit out of place in their standard-issue leather vest and Levi's. Describe the initial encounter with a stranger who gives them the \"come hither\" look.\n\n2. Building Tension: Detail the non-verbal communication between the two men, including nibbling on the neck and dry-kissing. Emphasize the main character's intuition and their ability to correctly guess what the stranger likes.\n\n3. Exploring the Rubber Suit: Describe the main character's fascination with the stranger's one-piece latex suit, focusing on the sensation of touching and slapping it. Mention the zipper down the front and the exposed hairs.\n\n4. Mutual Pleasure: Write about the main character's actions, such as kneading and pinching the stranger's flesh, slapping his inner thighs, and pulling a condom out to demonstrate their arousal. Include the stranger's reactions and participation in the scene.\n\n5. Comic Relief: Add a moment of comic relief, such as trying to put a condom around the main character's nuts and failing.\n\n6. Intensifying the Scene: Build up the intensity of the encounter by describing the main character's actions, such as squeezing the stranger all over and slapping his dick with the backs of their fingers. Include the stranger's reactions and the first time either of them speaks.\n\n7. Mutual Masturbation: Write about both men showcasing their arousal by masturbating in front of each other. Include details about the stranger's large dick and the main character's dominant attitude.\n\n8. Oral Sex: Describe the main character giving oral sex to the stranger, focusing on the unique aspects of the encounter, such as biting the head of the dick through the condom and tickling the stranger's balls.\n\n9. Climax: Detail the build-up to and the release of the stranger's orgasm, including the main character's dirty talk and the stranger's reactions.\n\n10. Mutual Satisfaction: Write about the main character's own orgasm, despite not normally being able to get off by being jacked off through a condom. Describe the aftermath of the encounter, with both men being happy and no longer horny.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 2\n\nA scene at a party, played by our friend Bill and a stranger.\n\nWe don\u2019t say a word. We\u2019ve never met before. We\u2019re just two horny guys at a sex party. He wanders into an empty room, giving me that \u201cCome hither\u201d look recognized by queer men everywhere. In the room, he is seated on the couch, legs spread, touching himself through the one-piece latex suit covering his trunk. It has short sleeves and legs.\n\nThis is a rubber fetish party, my first. I feel a bit inadequate in my standard-issue leather vest and Levi\u2019s. I lower my face to his. My intuition is working tonight. I correctly guess that he likes being nibbled on the neck \u2013 prefers it to sloppy, wet kisses. He writhes beneath me. I press one hand firmly into his pectorals, pinning him as I nip into him more intensely, lips covering teeth. His breathing deepens. My fingers massage the hot latex suit. There\u2019s a zipper down the front. I pull it down to the spot between his broad pecs, exposing a splay of scattered brown hairs. He looks up at me \u2013 large brown eyes. I kiss him dryly on the mouth. We begin dry-kissing. Our breath is hot.\n\nI reach inside the zipper, kneading and pinching his exposed pectoral flesh. It feels like I\u2019m invading him, molesting him. This makes my dick jump. I notice through his jumpsuit that I\u2019m having the same effect on his. I slide my knee up to his balls and press as I pinch his nipples through the latex. I start slapping his inner thighs. They\u2019re also warm from the latex, and it feels so good.\n\nI remove my vest and pull the front of my black T-shirt over my neck, exposing my chest. I place his hands over my largish nipples, and we begin tugging each other\u2019s nipples, his still covered in latex. I begin slapping them with my hands. It feels so satisfying to slap this boy through his hot, tight rubber skin. I take my dick out, fully hard now, and slap it against his thighs, which makes it even harder \u2013 it almost hurts.\n\nI pull a small bottle of lube out of a pocket and squeeze some onto my dick. I jack it off in front of him, slapping it against my outstretched palm. I open up a rubber and squeeze some lube into it, wiping off my sticky hand and rolling the affair down my swollen shaft. I put it up to his lips, and he hungrily gobbles it down. My knee slides to his groin again, and I stroke his fine brown hair. Usually I don\u2019t much like condoms for sucking dick, but in this scene, it\u2019s become one more piece of latex to fetishize. I pull out another one and try to place it around my nuts. This provides us with some comic relief as I, then he, try to trap the stubborn balls unsuccessfully. Finally I shrug and we laugh a bit.\n\nHe looks so fucking hot in that fucking suit that I start squeezing him all over as if he\u2019s the last guy I\u2019ll ever get to touch and I\u2019m trying to carve the experience into the deepest corner of my brain. I want to rip him out of his kinky rubber armor, and yet I want to keep him trapped inside it forever, all tantalizingly displayed and hot to the touch.\n\nI squeeze his well-developed biceps and broad, fleshy shoulders; run my fingers through his beautiful hair; squeeze his pointy nipples and his love-handles, and finally his hot, hard dick. I begin slapping it with the backs of my fingers, gently at first, worried that I\u2019ll slap too hard and take him out of the scene. But he obviously likes it, so I slap harder and harder, squeezing his ample balls. I hold his balls and gaze intently into his eyes. His nostrils flare.\n\nOut of nowhere come the backs of my fingers, slapping him lightly across one cheek. The eyes widen. I kiss him dryly on the mouth. Then again. Slap. Kiss. Slap. Kiss. I feel surges of blood through his clenched balls. \u201cTake it out,\u201d I hiss. It\u2019s the first time either of us has spoken in ten minutes of anonymous sex. He scrambles to comply, sitting up and beginning to unzip. \u201cSlowly,\u201d I say. \u201cTurn me on.\u201d\n\nI grab my rubberized dick and jack off, pinching my nipples, both of us now showing off for each other. He slides his fingers down his stomach slowly, pulling the zipper to its end. He gingerly pries his moist cockflesh loose from the clutching rubber sheath, then the balls. He raises his eyebrows, gesturing toward my lube. I hold up the bottle and squeeze some onto his fingers. He works it onto his expanding dick. I draw closer and slip my hands under the open suit and really work his nipples now. His dick gets enormous\n\n\u2013 this kid has a dick that I can\u2019t get both my hands to cover.\n\nI hand him a condom. He takes it out and I squirt a bit of the lube into it. He rolls it down his sticky dick, where it barely reaches bottom. Then I kneel between his knees and take it in my mouth, biting the head between my teeth and tickling his balls. He\u2019s working my nipples just the way I like, and soon the whole hot tube is throbbing down my throat and I\u2019m biting him on just the other side of the condom, near his nuts. I can tell he\u2019s amazed, like not too many guys can do this to him. And I\u2019m certainly not one of those tops who thinks that cocksucking is the station of the bottom. Quite the contrary \u2013 I use my dominant, forceful attitude to get boys like this one all hot and bothered, and then show them what a champion dick-chomper I am once their dicks are really stiff.\n\nSo I milk this groaning boy for maybe three minutes with my well-trained throat muscles, and then I begin jacking him off with both hands. He wants some lube, so I give him the bottle again, and he starts jacking off my condom-clad cock with his sticky hand. I grab his dick near its base and start slapping it into my palm. I feel a new tension building in his thighs, and as I slap and jerk his dick, I mutter, \u201cYeah, fucker. That dick\u2019s gonna shoot. Gonna fill up this rubber with hot cream. Gonna dump your fat load into this tube. Gonna slap it around till you fuckin\u2019 come, rubberboy. Gonna tickle your fat balls till you squirt \u2013\u201d And then he\u2019s doing it, twisting and gasping, that big boner of his making that little nipple on the condom tip very full indeed. I tickle him under the ridge until he can\u2019t take any more. I stand, stretching my cramped legs, figuring that will be all, but he reaches out and grasps my still-hard dick, jacking me off.\n\nNow normally, I could never get off by being jacked, much less through a condom, but I\u2019m so turned on that in two minutes I\u2019m bellowing and spurting my load into that rubber, amazed, my entire body trembling. We catch our breath, staring at each other and grinning like idiots.\n\nSoon we will get up from this couch, shed our jizz-filled condoms, wash up and quickly become separated by increasing numbers of people, miles, hours, days \u2013 but right now we\u2019re just two blissed-out guys, happy to be in this room together, no longer horny.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"Soaring Higher: Enhancing BDSM Scenes through Intuition and Attentiveness\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite an informative and engaging chapter for a BDSM guidebook, focusing on the importance of intuition and attentiveness in creating intense, intimate, and transcendent scenes. Discuss the role of technique and how it becomes second nature with experience, allowing tops to focus on the emotional and visceral aspects of BDSM. Include the following elements:\n\n1. Introduction: Begin with a quote from Edward Gorey about the inability to fully explain a performance and the significance of what remains unsaid. Explain that while it's impossible to guarantee life-altering, soul-merging scenes, there are factors and concepts that can help lead to such experiences.\n\n2. Getting Technique Out of the Way: Draw an analogy between learning to drive and learning BDSM techniques. Explain how, with experience, the details of technique become automatic, freeing up mental space for the less intellectual, more visceral joys of BDSM.\n\n3. Staying Open: Emphasize the importance of emotional openness for both the top and the bottom during a scene. Contradict the idea that tops should remain cool, withdrawn, and withholding, and argue that these intense experiences are fundamentally collaborative.\n\n4. Paying Attention: Discuss the various cues that bottoms send during a scene, such as muscle tension, breathing patterns, and posture. Explain how these cues can help the top gauge the bottom's state of mind and adjust the scene accordingly.\n\n5. Intuition and Where to Find It: Define intuition and explain its role in enhancing BDSM scenes. Discuss the concept of \"expert mind\" and how it can hinder intuition, and recommend cultivating \"beginner's mind\" to access intuitive wisdom.\n\n6. Real-Life Example: Share a personal story of a successful, intuitive BDSM scene between the authors, highlighting how the top was able to follow the bottom's unspoken desires without prior knowledge of them.\n\n7. Conclusion: Encourage readers to experiment with the concepts and techniques discussed in the chapter, emphasizing that practice will make the process smoother and more effective. Acknowledge that some readers may find these ideas too \"New Age,\" but argue that the best tops universally use these concepts, whether consciously or not.\n\n8. Note: Include a reference to a relevant book on intuition, such as \"Intuition Workout: A Practical Guide to Discovering and Developing Your Inner Knowing\" by Nancy Rosanoff.", "response": "\n\n6\n\nSOARING HIGHER\n\n\u201cAll the things you can talk about in anyone\u2019s work are the things that are least important\u2026. You can describe all the externals of a performance \u2013everything, in fact, but what really constitutes its core. Explaining something makes it go away, so to speak; what\u2019s important is what\u2019s left over after you\u2019ve explained everything else.\u201d \u2013 Edward Gorey\n\nIf you\u2019ve been topping long enough \u2013 and if you\u2019re very fortunate \u2013 you\u2019ll sooner or later have a scene in which you and your bottom seem in perfect synch, sharing an experience that feels like your hearts are wide open and blending their heat to create a white-hot conflagration of intensity, intimacy and transcendence.\n\nAnd if you\u2019re like us, the first thing you\u2019re going to think after the scene is over and you and your bottom are collapsed together in a panting sweating sated heap is \u201cOh my god, that was phenomenal, how can I get more of that?!?\u201d\n\nWell, we can\u2019t promise to teach you the magic trick that will turn all your scenes into life-altering, soul-merging epiphanies. But both of us \u2013 lucky us! \u2013 have had enough such scenes, both as tops and as bottoms, that we feel able to share with you some of the factors and concepts that can help lead you in this direction.\n\nGETTING TECHNIQUE OUT OF THE WAY. When you first learned to drive, you had to think about every move before you made it. You had to remember consciously to check your mirrors, work the clutch and the stick, set the handbrake and do a million other little tasks \u2013 it made your head spin. But now that you\u2019re an experienced driver, you do all those things without consciously thinking about them \u2013 it\u2019s not that you\u2019re driving less well, it\u2019s that the \u201cdriving\u201d part of your mind has gotten so much into its groove that it\u2019s moved into a part of your brain where it doesn\u2019t need constant attention.\n\nTechnique in BDSM \u2013 how to swing a flogger, where to place the knots, how to phrase a command to sound firm instead of whiny or harsh \u2013 is a bit like that. When you first start topping, you\u2019ll often feel like there are a million things to remember at once (and you\u2019ll be right: there are). The need to concentrate on all the myriad things you\u2019ve learned about technique and safety, plus the limits and desires you\u2019ve negotiated with this particular bottom, will fill your head so completely that there won\u2019t be room for too much else.\n\nBut as you grow more experienced, the details of technique become like the details of driving: you still know how to do them, and you\u2019re doing them well, but they\u2019re not occupying much of your conscious mind. It\u2019s at this point that you may find yourself able to open up to the less intellectual, more visceral joys of BDSM\u2026 and you may find yourself having experiences of \u201cjust knowing\u201d what to do next, or being able to anticipate your bottom\u2019s desire or fantasy without being told, or automatically falling into the exact rhythm and force needed to send you and your bottom both to heaven.\n\nSo let\u2019s say you\u2019re experienced enough that you don\u2019t have to spend a lot of your conscious effort fussing with technique. What are some of the ways that you can use to rocket yourself and your partner(s) to another planet?\n\nSTAYING OPEN. This is the biggest and most important tip we can give you. A lot of tops have the idea that their job is to remain cool, withdrawn and withholding, to share no emotion and to show no turn-on. If this is your topping style, go for it \u2013 many folks prefer this kind of scene, in which the top is the heartless administrator of control or sensation and the bottom\u2019s job is simply to receive.\n\nBut we\u2019ve found that the experiences we\u2019ve been describing here are fundamentally collaborative \u2013 which requires that the top and the bottom remain emotionally as open as possible. A contradiction in terms? No, not really.\n\nAs you top, pay attention to what\u2019s happening in your own body and heart. Do you feel savage and merciless? Giggly and playful? Wildly turned on? Deeply moved? Do you feel like grunting or laughing or crying or coming? None of these feelings or actions are \u201cinappropriate\u201d for a top; we\u2019ve both felt them many times, separately and in combination. And when we share those feelings with our bottoms, when we let them know how happy or fierce or turned-on they make us feel, our bottoms can join with us, and our feelings can synergistically multiply to a crescendo of sensation and emotion.\n\nAnd when we stay open to what\u2019s going on inside us, we can also stay open to what\u2019s going on outside us \u2013 in the environment around us, within the boundaries of the scene, and in the hearts, minds and bodies of our bottoms.\n\nPAYING ATTENTION. Even the most stoical of bottoms sends a constant stream of cues \u2013 signals that let you know whether she\u2019s floating along happily or struggling to keep up, eagerly awaiting her next command or on the verge of rebellion, wanting more or white-knuckling it to tolerate what she\u2019s already receiving, wishing you\u2019d hit her here instead of there.\n\nHere\u2019s a list of the cues we like to look for to tell us what we need to know about our bottoms\u2019 state of mind:\n\n\u2022 Muscle tension. Someone who\u2019s having a good time is generally relaxed and loose; someone who\u2019s struggling is probably tense and stiff. Watch your bottom\u2019s muscles, especially those in the places where people tend to store tension \u2013 neck, shoulders, belly. Is his face relaxed and serene, or squinched up in a grimace? Are his hands clenched into fists? If you see muscles that are tight, quivering or bulging, your bottom is probably struggling to keep up with you and may have to safeword if you push too much harder without a break.\n\nOne big caveat: Impending orgasm often looks a lot like intense pain, and if you don\u2019t know this particular bottom well, it can be hard to tell the difference. You could try just asking, but that might spoil the moment. Or you could try a bit of sexual touching \u2013 if that\u2019s part of your agreements \u2013 and see what kind of response you get.\n\n\u2022 Breathing. Relaxed people breathe deeply and slowly, from their diaphragms. If they\u2019re making noise, the sounds tend to be deep moans or growls. Tense people breathe tightly and rapidly, high up in their chests, and their sounds are often high-pitched screams or whimpers. If you\u2019ve ever hurt yourself, you know how you breathed during the pain \u2013 you probably were using a lot of short little high breaths. But this kind of breathing is not what you want for your bottom; a bottom who\u2019s breathing like that will hyperventilate (getting too little oxygen and throwing off too little carbon dioxide) and might panic.\n\nSo, how do you get your bottom\u2019s breathing slowed down so that she can relax? Some tops like to simply use the word \u201cbreathe\u201d to remind their bottoms to take it easy, but we find that using words in the heat of play can distract a bottom from the wonderfulness of what you\u2019re doing to her. A trick we like is to establish contact with your bottom \u2013 eye contact and/or physical contact: Janet likes to place the palm of her hand firmly and gently on her bottom\u2019s chest or the center of her back. Then simply breathe in the rhythm you want your bottom to breathe, perhaps a little noisily or emphatically. Most bottoms will instinctively begin to breathe with you. Since breathing in synch, especially during eye contact, is often taught as a tantric exercise to achieve greater union, this strategy may also bring you closer to the heights you\u2019re trying to achieve.\n\nBottoms also reveal a lot with the sounds they make. Happy bottoms hum, babble, giggle, growl, purr, moan, and \u201csing\u201d \u2013 a beautiful smooth multitoned melody that goes up and down as the sensation rises and falls. Bottoms who are nearing their limits scream, shriek or sometimes snarl or curse. An experienced bottom may be able to tell you ahead of time which sounds mean what.\n\n\u2022 Posture and movement. Watch your bottom\u2019s body. For example, if he\u2019s leaning or arching into the sensations you\u2019re giving, that\u2019s a reliable sign that he\u2019s with you and ready for more. If he\u2019s flinching or drawing away from the sensation, it might be time to back off a bit \u2013 and then later, when he\u2019s more relaxed, you can take the play up another notch if that feels right.\n\nBottoms who are beginning to become entranced may show it with rhythmic movements of their bodies. They may \u201cdance,\u201d shifting back and forth from one foot to another or even bouncing up and down. Their hips may undulate back and forth, or from side to side. Their heads may nod or shake. They may also throw off excess energy by shaking their hands as though they were shaking water off the ends of their fingers, grabbing the bondage and yanking or rattling it, or stamping their feet.\n\nIf your scene is about control rather than sensation, watch for posture. A submissive who is proudly and happily under your command will show it with a proud carriage and springy step. An entranced submissive may move slowly and dreamily, but purposefully. A reluctant or unhappy bottom is likelier to slump and trudge. While we can\u2019t tell you what to do about those situations, it\u2019s always best to know your submissive\u2019s state of mind so you can act accordingly.\n\nThese are just a few of the ways that you can observe what\u2019s going on with your bottom so that the two of you can fly higher and farther. But what of the perceptions you may sometimes experience that aren\u2019t observable \u2013 that you somehow \u201cjust know\u201d?\n\nINTUITION AND WHERE TO FIND IT\n\nThe best definition of \u201cintuition\u201d we\u2019ve heard is \u201cthe ability to know something without knowing how you know it.\u201d1 You may have experienced intuitions in your day-to-day life \u2013 a sense that someone you just met isn\u2019t what they seem, or that you shouldn\u2019t turn around that streetcorner, or that something wonderful is about to happen to you.\n\nMany people feel that intuition is simply your subconscious mind gathering clues that your conscious mind is too busy to grasp. Others think it\u2019s a genuine paranormal phenomenon. We don\u2019t really know, or, for that matter, care \u2013 as long as it works for us, both outside our scenes and in them.\n\nWe can\u2019t teach you how to get intuition \u2013 you already have it, to at least some degree. What we can do is teach you how to find it within yourself and use it to read your bottom\u2019s physical and emotional states for bigger, hotter scenes.\n\nIntuition, of course, has its limits \u2013 even the professional psychics who find lost children for police departments are the first to tell you that they\u2019re right less than half the time, and much less often when the intuition involves someone close to them. So while we love and encourage intuition, we want to emphasize that while you\u2019re in scene space, it\u2019s very easy to get your intuitions mixed up with your own desires and fears. Serious mistakes can get made this way: it\u2019s not a good idea to follow your intuition to grab that cattle prod and press the button with no previous negotiation.\n\nBut when it works, it can really work \u2013 as we discovered together recently:\n\nYou know how in your fantasy certain things happen in a certain order, almost like a ritual, very specific and detailed? Some of us embroider the same fantasy over long periods of time, creating a rich tapestry night after night, our personal and very private bedtime story.\n\nWe played a scene together recently that was a true mindblower. Now your authors have been playing with each other for ten years, and certainly each knows a lot about what the other one likes. But this time, with Janet topping Dossie, Janet managed to do Dossie\u2019s fantasy (which Dossie had never told her), item by item, in order, down to the smallest detail.\n\nDossie says, \u201cIt took me a while to realize what was going on \u2013 at first, it just plain felt good, and entrancing, and very right. Like somebody humming an old song you\u2019ve loved for a really long time. We were well into the scene before I got it that something amazing was going on. I didn\u2019t say anything \u2013 not on purpose, more because I was so absorbed in the play that it would have been ridiculous to interrupt. And who would want to anyhow?\u201d\n\nJanet says, \u201cI was startled and a little bit freaked afterwards when Dossie told me what had been going on. I had no sense of the scene being anything special. In hindsight, I could see that some of the things I\u2019d done weren\u2019t in my usual repertoire, but at the time they just felt like inspirations \u2013 like I was simply putting this toy in that orifice, and tying that body part in this position, the way I always do. It was wonderful, of course, but playing with Dossie just about always is\u2026 and it didn\u2019t seem any different than that.\u201d\n\nThe scene was fabulous and emotionally profound, but, curiously, not more fabulous than other scenes we have played. And, notes Dossie, the feeling was different: in the fantasy, the culminating moments are tremendously romantic. But we\u2019ve never had a romantic relationship, rather a solid and loving friendship\u2026 and that didn\u2019t change. Maybe that was the biggest surprise, to play a scene that was perfectly psychic and still feel like the same two people afterward.\n\nSo what do you do when you feel a sense of what to do next but aren\u2019t sure? One possibility is simply to ask, either in words (you may need to step out of scene space to do this if your scene has a strong D/S element) or by holding up a proposed implement for the bottom to see and agree to. Another, probably more useful, is to try just a little of whatever your intuition is telling you, then use the observational skills you\u2019ve already learned to see how your bottom reacts.\n\nSo, now that we\u2019ve given you all these warnings and cautions about intuition, how do you discover yours? To answer that question, we\u2019d like to refer to a concept that the Buddhists call \u201cexpert mind.\u201d Expert mind is the part of you that stores facts, makes decisions, thinks about what happened in the past and projects what may happen in the future. Without expert mind, you couldn\u2019t function in the world at all and you certainly couldn\u2019t be a top \u2013 you\u2019re using your expert mind to read this book, for example.\n\nBut when you\u2019re seeking intuition, you have to move expert mind to the back of your consciousness, letting it guide your actions in the same way that it guides you when you drive a car. Expert mind is the enemy of intuition \u2013 it tells you things like \u201cyou\u2019re wrong,\u201d \u201cyou know better than this,\u201d \u201cnobody else does it that way\u201d and our personal favorite, \u201creal tops don\u2019t do it this way.\u201d What the Buddhists recommend for finding your intuitive wisdom is \u201cbeginner\u2019s mind,\u201d in which you approach everything as though you were doing it for the first time.\n\nSo: try to focus on the moment. Trust that expert mind will be there to guide you through the technique parts, and open yourself up to your perceptions of what\u2019s going on right now, right here. You may have to stop for a second and adjust your focus. Take in your own body, your bottom\u2019s body, the room, the sounds, the smells, the light \u2013 everything in and around you right now. If you know any guided relaxation techniques, use them (and if you don\u2019t, allow us to recommend a good yoga class). If you simply open yourself up (remember, we talked about this earlier) and perceive what\u2019s going on, you may start to receive messages. Beginners are always learning something new.\n\nFor some people \u2013 Janet is one \u2013 the messages come as lights and colors. \u201cI see a kind of \u2018glow\u2019 from a certain part of my bottom\u2019s body, or from a particular toy,\u201d she notes. Others may feel a part of their own body twitching to move in a certain way, or may hear a hum, click or other sound coming from the place, action or toy that needs their attention. Some actually hear a voice, their own or someone else\u2019s, telling them what needs to happen next. Or maybe it\u2019s just an urge to do something \u2013 to give a certain order, to place the bottom in a certain position, to say a certain sentence. When you get such a message, proceed slowly and gradually, as we told you earlier. If your bottom\u2019s response is enthusiastic \u2013 congratulations, go for it!\n\nIf you get nothing, don\u2019t worry about it; you can always try again later. Although the process of seeking intuition sounds clunky and awkward as we describe it here, with practice it gets faster, smoother and more effective.\n\nTo many readers, much of this chapter will sound too New Age for words (one of Janet\u2019s regular partners, a highly intuitive body worker and martial artist, says indignantly, \u201cI don\u2019t do woo-woo shit\u201d). But in our experience, the best tops pretty much universally use these concepts and techniques, whether they do so consciously or not. We encourage you to at least give these ideas a try and see what can happen to your scenes \u2013 they\u2019ve certainly created some amazing play for us!\n\nNOTES\n\n1 Intuition Workout: A Practical Guide to Discovering and Developing Your Inner Knowing, by Nancy Rosanoff. Aslan Publications, 1991.\n"}
+{"input": "  Title: \"BDSM Ethics: Consent, Respect, and Confidentiality\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite an informative and engaging chapter for a BDSM guidebook, focusing on the ethical considerations and responsibilities of both tops and bottoms in the BDSM community. Discuss the following elements:\n\n1. Introduction: Emphasize the importance of ethics in BDSM, as players explore their psyches and venture into uncharted territories. Explain that players should enter scene space with the highest ethical standards to ensure safety, respect, and trust.\n\n2. Consent: Define consent as an active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all parties involved. Explain that consent is specific to each scene and can be withheld for any item on the scene agenda. Discuss the importance of honesty in consent for both tops and bottoms, and the potential consequences of dishonesty.\n\n3. Respecting Limits: Emphasize the need to respect and honor the limits of both tops and bottoms. Explain the potential consequences of disregarding limits, such as feeling belittled, cheated, or concealing one's own agenda. Encourage players to negotiate scenes in good faith.\n\n4. Confidentiality: Discuss the need for confidentiality in the BDSM community due to the potential risks of disclosure, such as losing jobs, housing, or custody of children. Explain that confidentiality may be violated in cases where there is significant danger of harm to any person, but gossip should not be used as a weapon against other players.\n\n5. Boundaries and Blaming: Define personal boundaries and explain their importance in understanding when it is appropriate to violate others during a scene. Discuss internal boundaries and their role in maintaining sanity and identity. Address the issue of blaming and its negative consequences, and recommend a nonjudgmental approach to conflict resolution.\n\n6. Hearing Feedback: Encourage tops to follow up with bottoms after a scene to check in and make sure everything is okay. Explain the importance of listening to feedback without getting defensive, and apologizing when necessary to maintain friendships and clear up misunderstandings.\n\n7. Respecting Persons: Emphasize that tops and bottoms are both complete human beings deserving of respect, and that their needs, wisdom, and opinions are equally important. Discuss the importance of valuing the gifts that tops and bottoms bring to each other in a scene.", "response": "\n\n7\n\nBDSM ETHICS\n\nWhen we play, we give ourselves and each other permission and encouragement to explore the further reaches of our psyches and to adventure bravely down the path of the forbidden. We open ourselves up to the unknown on the dark side. And when we are open, we are terribly vulnerable.\n\nSo, in order to be open, and to be safe and healthy while we play at violation and betrayal, we believe that all players should enter into scene space with the highest of ethics, and a firm commitment to respect and honor the courage and the vulnerability that we all, tops and bottoms, bring with us into a scene. We see a scene as a special and sacred space: it is critical that we respect the trust and integrity of each individual in it.\n\nCONSENT\n\nFull consent in S/M, or in any other manifestation of sexuality, requires an active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all persons involved. We come into our play with the intention of actively supporting each other in exploring sensation, danger and vulnerability.\n\nConsent to any scene is very specific: we consent, tops and bottoms both, to every detail, and we can choose not to consent to any item on a scene agenda.\n\nHonesty in consent is mandatory for both tops and bottoms. You can easily understand what can happen if an eager-to-please bottom consents to some violent assault that they really don\u2019t want, and you go ahead and they hate it. Your safety and competence as a top are violated, and you are faced with a freaked-out or angry bottom through no fault of your own. As a top, if you consent to play a scene that you really don\u2019t feel good about, and you don\u2019t share your reservations, and you don\u2019t somehow magically get into it after you begin, then you can wind up playing an awkward and \u201ccold\u201d scene, with little or no connection to your bottom, who can wind up feeling abandoned, abused and violated.\n\nConsent is only meaningful if it can be withdrawn without risking undue criticism, judgment or rejection. If a bottom or top tries something in a scene and it is genuinely unpleasant to them, they have an absolute right to interrupt a scene, renegotiate the agenda, and to have their concerns heard without blame. Respect for consent is mandatory.\n\nRESPECTING LIMITS\n\nRespect and honor your bottom\u2019s limits. Respect and honor your own limits. Respect means nobody gets put down or belittled, top or bottom, for whatever limits they may have. Looking for loopholes in a bottom\u2019s stated limits is cheating, as is concealing your own agenda with half-truths or omissions. \u201cWell, you didn\u2019t say I couldn\u2019t shave your head\u201d is not a substitute for consent. Ethical players negotiate scenes in good faith.\n\nCONFIDENTIALITY. In recent years, due to the energetic work of members of our community, kink has become less stigmatized, and some of us may not feel as great a need to keep our sex lives in the closet as others. This is wonderful progress, and we look forward to the day when none of us needs to walk through the world fearing oppression if our secrets were known. However, that time is not yet here, and many of us could be at tremendous risk if the wrong people \u2013 our landlords, employers, students, parents, children \u2013 were to find out about our interest in BDSM.\n\nSo we still need to keep information about others that we acquire at support groups and play parties confidential. Do not assume that just because you are totally uncloseted, everyone else should be. Do not assume that because a player is well-known in the community that the person has no closets \u2013 we know players who use assumed names because outing might jeopardize important parts of their lives like joint custody of their children. Do not assume that you know what another person\u2019s requirements for discretion are, or that another person lives his life as openly as you do \u2013 just protect everybody\u2019s privacy.\n\nAre there exceptions to confidentiality? Yes. We can look to the legal and ethical standards of medical and therapeutic confidentiality for guidelines: it is acceptable, and at times even required, to violate confidentiality when there is significant danger of harm to any person. If a person assaults you, you don\u2019t keep it a secret, you call the police. Gossip may sometimes have an unpleasant but necessary function within the community to warn others of players who in your experience are in some way dangerous. (It is not ethical, however, to badmouth a player simply because you don\u2019t like them or are angry with them.) We try to balance negative gossip with \u201cgoodmouthing\u201d: making a point of introducing people to each other with full regard for their prowess, and letting others in the community know when a player does something wonderful.\n\nBOUNDARIES AND BLAMING\n\nAny problem in ethics, including the complex dilemmas we may run into when we pretend to be unethical, can be clarified by looking at it from the point of view of boundaries. Personal boundaries are found wherever we understand that I end and you begin. Within the boundary of scene space, our personal boundaries will probably be very different than they are in the outside world\u2026 so when I know which boundaries are in effect right now, I know when it\u2019s the right time to violate you.\n\nPeople also have internal boundaries that tell us what state of consciousness we are in. For those of us who play a number of roles \u2013 top, bottom, Doctor Mean, Dracula, little boy, baby girl \u2013 we open and change our internal boundaries to get in and out of role, often unconsciously. The more conscious we can be about this, the safer we will be, and the more adept at getting into (and back out of) the role we want to play right now.\n\nInternal boundaries tell us the difference between a thought, a wish, a fantasy and a dream. For the S/M player, the boundary between fantasy and reality is all-important: it is how we maintain our sanity, and how we maintain our identities as big bad mean ethical loving sadists.\n\nBlaming, a special case of bad boundaries, consists of refusing to own and take the responsibility for our own stuff, our feelings, dilemmas, and actions. Of course, occasions in which a problem is truly one person\u2019s fault do happen, and need to be respected\u2026 but we believe most problems that crop up between people actually belong to both or all of them. When we blame, we fail to shoulder our part of the burden; we project the responsibility for whatever is wrong onto another, usually to protect ourselves from feeling terribly guilty or anxious. When we blame, we also disempower ourselves \u2013 if it\u2019s all your fault, then I must be impotent.\n\nSo we recommend that you approach conflict that arises from play (or any other relationship, for that matter) in a nonjudgmental mode. In our culture, you can observe many people attempting to resolve a problem by discovering whose fault it is (the comic author Fran Lebowitz says \u201cIt isn\u2019t whether you win or lose, it\u2019s where you lay the blame\u201d), as if most of our dilemmas were caused by somebody doing something wrong. In S/M, we can make tops wrong by accusing them of anger, attitude or abuse when a scene doesn\u2019t work out well. We can make bottoms wrong by accusing them of being needy, resistant or smart-ass.\n\nBlaming may alleviate our anxiety on a short-term basis, but in the long run resolves nothing. If, on the other hand, you can put your judgments aside and operate on your own feelings while you listen to your partner\u2019s feelings, you may be able to come to an understanding that keeps you in sympathy with each other and empowers you to take care of the problem so you can continue playing and having a good time.\n\nHEARING FEEDBACK. Good post-scene etiquette is for the top to call the bottom within a few days of a scene to check in and make sure everything\u2019s okay, and bottoms will respect you and feel well cared for when you do. Mostly you will hear flattering feedback that can be a big help if you\u2019re feeling a bit uncertain, guilty or low. This is also an occasion to ask the bottom if there was anything in that scene that she would change, or do differently in the future. This is how you make space for your bottom to tell you about that little bruise in the wrong place, or something that was sharp or harsh or otherwise not optimal for them. Our experience is that bottoms often tell us what we could have done harder or longer or louder or stronger. Greed is a wonderful thing in a pig slut bottom.\n\nSometimes you will hear from a bottom who is unhappy or distressed about part of the scene, or some of the things you did. When this happens, it is important, and difficult, that you not get lost in your ego. That ego may be screaming \u201cBut you writhed and squealed, I was sure you liked it, I felt like God Almighty, whaddaya mean you didn\u2019t like it!\u201d And you need to put your ego aside and listen.\n\nIf your bottom is a good communicator, with any luck she will offer negative feedback without a lot of blaming, in a supportive and nonjudgmental manner. But everybody is not well-versed in communication skills, and when something goes wrong in a scene bottoms are often genuinely frightened or even a little freaked \u2013 so you may wind up with complaints coming at you like arrows, from a person who is seriously upset with you.\n\nWe do play with scary imagery, and it sometimes happens that a bottom is so frightened by a scene that she feels unable to communicate directly with the top \u2013 so you may find out through a third party, or, worse yet, a public accusation. Most of us have a hard time not getting defensive when someone is angry with us, and we may be justified in that we can blame the bottom for blaming us, or for failing to talk to us directly, or for gossiping. And even when you are right, defensiveness and counterattack will still only make the problem worse.\n\nWe feel the best thing for you to do in this situation is to listen to the bottom who is upset with you, and hear her out thoroughly whether you agree or not. Be aware that this is happening because the bottom feels bad \u2013 hurt or scared or whatever. By being willing to listen to that person\u2019s feelings, you validate them \u2013 and that might solve the problem right there.\n\nIf you feel you did something wrong, the best thing to do is own it. Remember that apologizing won\u2019t make you less of a top. And if you don\u2019t feel you were wrong, you can still say you\u2019re sorry that someone feels bad, or that something you did left them feeling bad. Apologizing won\u2019t make you wrong either: you are sorry that they feel bad.\n\nMost often these conflicts arise from misunderstandings rather than malice. When you listen, and when you express your regrets about a play partner\u2019s unpleasant experience, then that person may become willing to listen to you, and the two of you are in a good position to clear up misunderstandings, and stay friends.\n\nRESPECTING PERSONS\n\nTops and bottoms both have identities beyond the roles they play in scene. We understand that tops and bottoms are both complete human beings of equal stature and importance, deserving of respect. Their needs are equally important, their wisdom is to be regarded, their opinions worth hearing. When bottoms play at being degraded, do they truly become less than their tops? We think not.\n\nBDSM works best when bottoms honor and value the gift the tops bring to them, with respect for the hard work and personal vulnerability that is involved. And it works best when tops honor and value the gift the bottom brings: the bottom power that fuels the trust and belief which transform us into tops.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"Effective Communication and Consent for BDSM Tops\"\n\nPrompt:\n\nWrite a comprehensive guide for BDSM tops on communication skills and setting boundaries during scene negotiation. Discuss the following topics:\n\n1. The importance of sharing information with your bottom before a scene, including their limits, needs, and fantasies, as well as your own.\n\n2. Strategies to encourage bottoms to express their desires without feeling embarrassed or ordered around, such as writing letters, sharing fantasies outside of scene space, or using positive reinforcement during scene negotiation.\n\n3. The use of \"I-messages\" instead of \"you-messages\" to avoid blaming and promote open, honest communication.\n\n4. Addressing neediness in scene space, including setting boundaries, insisting on direct communication, or negotiating scenes that include neediness or dependency.\n\n5. Dealing with unresponsive bottoms, or \"black holes,\" by asking for the response you want, modeling turn-on, and instructing your bottom in the kind of body language you desire.\n\n6. Activities that require special consent, such as sex, marks, pain, humiliation, phobias, and high-risk play.\n\n7. Emphasizing the importance of tops knowing and respecting their own limits, including a suggested exercise called \"Yes, No, and Maybe\" to help clarify desires and boundaries.\n\n8. Making room for your own needs and desires during a scene, and negotiating this with your bottom.", "response": "\n\n8\n\nON YOUR MARK\u2026 GET SET\u2026\n\nCOMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR TOPS. To get ready to do a scene, you first need to share some information with your bottom, negotiating the specific details of what you are and are not going to do. Ideally, when you\u2019re done, you will know what your bottom\u2019s limits are and your bottom will know what your limits are. You will have also exchanged some information about what turns each of you on and some ideas about what you both might like to try \u2013 knowledge gleaned from fantasies or scenes you have played in the past. You should each have a clear idea of each other\u2019s needs \u2013 those parts of play that are so essential to you that without them the scene would not be worth doing. Everybody\u2019s needs are valid, everybody\u2019s needs are important. Including yours.\n\nDuring a good negotiation, you will also share some wants \u2013 things that you and the bottom know that you like or would like to try. Think of the wants as the ingredients from which you will construct a fabulous dinner: how much easier it is to cook when you have lots of ingredients to choose from! Obviously, you\u2019ll want to collect all the wants you can get from both of you. But that\u2019s not always easy to do.\n\nGETTING THE INFORMATION YOU NEED. When a bottom tells a top what she likes, it can feel like ordering the top around, which doesn\u2019t fit with many players\u2019 fantasy roles. Furthermore, many bottoms are embarrassed by their fantasies, and plagued with the belief that whatever it is that they want, it must be too much to ask for. A professional dominatrix of our acquaintance once got so frustrated with a client who would say only \u201cI only want to please you, Mistress,\u201d that she told him facetiously, \u201cThen give me the money and leave; I\u2019ll go to a movie.\u201d\n\nSo how do you get that information without getting out the rubber hose (yet)? There are many ways to support a bottom in expressing his or her desires. Just knowing that you want this information gives your bottom permission to share it. Sometimes it is easier to deal with this information outside scene space, so many tops instruct their bottoms to write a letter expressing their desires and stating limits. In person, but not in scene space, sharing fantasies and ideas can be fun once you both get into it; you can always start by sharing some interest of your own and then inviting your bottom to contribute.\n\nIn scene space, you can order your bottom to communicate and make it part of the play. So your bottom is embarrassed? Goody. You can tie him up and wait until he speaks \u2013 and you can wait a long time, if that\u2019s what it takes. You can offer positive feedback: \u201cThat\u2019s hot, I like that, what a good idea, mmmmmm nasty!\u201d\n\nIf you and your bottom are in an ongoing D/S relationship, you may need to make special arrangements so that you both can feel free to discuss your desires and fantasies outside your usual roles. E-mail or other written communications might work for this. Or you can establish a special code word to mean \u201cI want to talk to you person-to-person for a while.\u201d Or pick a set time every week for such discussions. Whatever fits for you will probably work, but we think it\u2019s a good idea to make some kind of arrangement in order to support both dominants and submissives in being able to freely and honestly express their wants.\n\nBottoms generally like it when tops say what they want: \u201cI want your ass right now, I want to bend you over that table, I really want to see you on your knees in front of me, what a sweet sight.\u201d\n\nIf this is your first time with this partner, do remember to inquire about limits, pain tolerance, safer sex, physical limits like asthma, history of abuse or trauma, contact lenses, muscle and joint problems that might make some positions uncomfortable. Experienced bottoms should know enough to tell you their limits without prompting, but not all bottoms know enough to figure out all their limits without ever having tested them. Regardless of your bottom\u2019s experience level, if you ask it makes it easier \u2013 the bottom doesn\u2019t feel so much like she is sitting there with a long list of \u201cdon\u2019t do this and don\u2019t do that,\u201d in danger of falling into terminal negativity.\n\nI-MESSAGES. We have talked before about the damage done to hot play by blaming. Here we would like to introduce an alternative borrowed from the couples-counseling literature: the I-message. Communications experts note that we often speak in you-messages, like \u201cYou are making me angry, you should be different, you always give me a hard time when I want to have fun, you never want to do what I want.\u201d The you-message almost always sounds like an accusation or an attack, and the person to whom it is addressed most commonly becomes defensive and tries to explain themselves and why they are not wrong. When they do that they have stopped listening to you.\n\nThe I-message basically means I share something of my internal reality, my feelings, my desires, my thoughts, my beliefs, like: \u201cI feel angry, I would like something to change, I want to have fun, I want to find some things that we both want to do.\u201d The I-message is clearly about our own stuff, and once we make it clear that we can be responsible for our stuff and willing to take the risk of sharing it, our partners become free to own their own feelings and problems and desires, and to speak their own truth, from their own tender places near the heart. And we are fond of exposed tender places, aren\u2019t we?\n\nNEEDY BOTTOMS. Sometimes our roles get in the way of good communication. As tops, we have permission in scene space to be mean, nasty, intrusive and overpowering; similarly, bottoms may go into their own emotional spaces and become childish, dependent, needy and clinging. In real life we often respond to neediness by closing our boundaries and pushing people away, perhaps becoming annoyed and judgmental in the process. In BDSM, while ideally we both get to open our boundaries in a sort of controlled codependence that would not be acceptable in real life, the urge to withdraw in response to neediness can still be strong.\n\nSo how do you find a more constructive way to deal with neediness in scene space? First, you get to have limits. So as a top, if you really hate a particular kind of play that makes your partner seem uncomfortably needy, you can choose not to play that kind of scene.\n\nIf you feel pressured by indirect hints, you can insist that the bottom ask directly for what she wants. This can actually be healing: a person who uses neediness and manipulation may have grown up in a family where there was no straightforward way to get his or her needs met (she learned this behavior somewhere, right?), so getting positive strokes for asking for what she wants can be a wonderful revelation.\n\nOr you can negotiate a scene that includes neediness or dependency by making an agreement that the bottom will bring in the independent self when asked: \u201cI want to talk with the grown-up now.\u201d It may take a few moments for the bottom to switch states of consciousness, but the ability to switch from roles to reality is worth developing \u2013 practice makes perfect.\n\nBLACK HOLES. \u201cBlack hole\u201d is a terribly rude name for bottoms who do not put out enough visible response for you to feel confident that you have any idea what is going on with them. They may or may not be having a good time, but their demeanor is so impassive that you can\u2019t tell. And if you can\u2019t tell what does or does not work for this bottom, without feedback, how can you know when it is safe to proceed? Response is the top\u2019s safety information, and it is also the top\u2019s reward. This is our theater, and the bottom\u2019s response is our applause.\n\nIt\u2019stempting to deal with unresponsive bottoms by judging \u2013 this person is a lousy bottom, and I won\u2019t play with him or her again. But what if you like this bottom? What if he is your friend? Your lover?\n\nIs there anything you can do to make this bottom responsive? Remember that nobody is born knowing how to do this stuff, and anybody can learn. In The New Bottoming Book, we discussed the process of getting a scene off the ground and of finding your turn-on as a bottom, and we recommended acting \u201cas if.\u201d If a bottom breathes hard and works his body, he will actually get more turned on, and provide feedback for you to play against. It doesn\u2019t hurt for the top to model turn-on and interest too \u2013 think of all that wonderful gay male porn where the top is always saying \u201cOooooh, yeah!\u201d in throaty tones. You can breathe hard and grind your groin against your bottom, for example, to get you both turned on and set a good example. Snarl a little.\n\nAnd you can always ask for the response you want. Janet says that her bottoms tend to respond with enthusiasm when she leans in close and purrs in their ear, \u201cYou know, it would really turn me on to hear you scream\u2026\u201d\n\nBack when you were negotiating what you were going to do in this scene, perhaps you remembered to ask some questions about how this bottom gets turned on. Suck on the neck? Blow in the ear? Spit in the face? It\u2019s always reassuring when you know what to do.\n\nYou can tell a bottom, even without leaving role, that you need more response, that you can\u2019t tell if the scene is working or not. Dossie remembers:\n\n> The first time I topped at a party I was flogging a woman I didn\u2019t know very well, and wasn\u2019t sure if it was okay to hit harder. I didn\u2019t want to interrupt the scene to ask, especially because there were people watching, and then I got a great idea. In my best mean voice I growled, \u201cIf you want me to hit you harder you better get that ass up there where I can get at it!\u201d And she did, and I did, and it was great.\n\nSo this bottom knew how to get what she wanted \u2013 and, for that matter, that she could reduce the intensity by pulling away. Thus you can instruct your bottom in exactly what kind of body language you want to hear.\n\nACTIVITIES THAT REQUIRE SPECIAL CONSENT\n\nDisagreements and hard feelings sometimes arise between players when one player takes for granted that it is okay to do something that the other player assumes should not be done without ascertaining consent prior to the scene. This happens in the vanilla world too: a good example might be anal penetration, for which an unspoken etiquette dictates that you find out how your partner feels about his or her asshole before you plunge in and yell \u201cSurprise!\u201d\n\nBDSM opens up the potential for an enormous range of activity, and what is bread-and-butter ordinary for one player might be something the other person has never heard of. A difference of opinion in this area may get discovered in an atmosphere of extreme adrenaline rush, which can make it difficult to maintain emotional equilibrium. So allow a moment to come down, and please remember that these are not occasions for fault and blame, but for understanding differences in customs and desires.\n\nWe will present here a list of things that some people might think would require specific consent \u2013 with the proviso that just about nobody would agree with every single item on our list. Still, we think that if you\u2019re not certain about consent, you have to ask.\n\n> \u2022 Sex. Some people take for granted that a scene will include something resembling genital sex or orgasm-producing activity, and will be very disappointed if they play with someone who does not have that as a given. Others see their play as something distinct from sex. So you have to ask.\n\n> Even if you and your partner have agreed to be sexual, you need to agree on what kinds of sexual behaviors are OK \u2013 assplay, as we mentioned earlier, is one common limit. People also make assumptions about safer sex that are better to negotiate: for instance, there is wide difference of opinion about the relative safety of oral sex, and a lot of disagreement in some heterosexual and lesbian communities about whether safer sex is important at all. (Just in case you couldn\u2019t guess, we think it is.)\n\n> \u2022 Marks. Temporary marks, like bruises or welts that last a few days, are common occurrences in S/M. However, some people \u2013 such as those with vanilla partners at home \u2013 might have problems with them, so it\u2019s probably a good idea to ask about marks before you haul out the cast-iron cane. (A gynecologist once asked Dossie if she got those bruises riding a horse \u2013 Dossie responded, \u201cNo.\u201d) We strongly recommend that you never promise a new bottom you won\u2019t leave marks, because different skins react very differently to the same stimulus and you can never know for sure how this bottom\u2019s body will react.\n\n> Cuttings or piercings intended to be temporary can sometimes leave marks that last a lot longer than intended, so even if someone gives you permission to open their skin it\u2019s not a good idea to carve your initials on their ass, or indulge a taste for silly graffiti. The skin should probably not be opened at all without consent, and deliberate permanent marks must always be negotiated.\n\n> \u2022 Pain. It\u2019s easy to assume that any bottom enjoys pain, so we will remind you that Dossie did not play with pain for her first several years in S/M: pain is an acquired taste for a lot of folk. We are both very happy that we\u2019ve acquired it, but would still look askance at someone who would inflict intense pain on us without some reason to believe that we would enjoy it.\n\n> \u2022 Humiliation. For some bottoms, feeling embarrassed, humiliated or even degraded is a pungent erotic thrill, and for others it\u2019s an infuriating insult. And to make things even more complicated, different people feel humiliated by different things: for one man, crossdressing is acute humiliation, while for another it\u2019s fun costumery. So if your bottom tells you that he loves or hates humiliation, be sure to find out what kinds of humiliation he loves or hates.\n\n> \u2022 Phobias and turnoffs. Many of us have one or more psychological phobias, images or associations \u2013 rape, slavery, prostitution, child abuse and Nazis are common ones \u2013 that make us so unhappy or frightened in the real world that we do not wish to play with them in S/M. Some people have serious phobias about needles, fire, electricity or blood, and may not be sophisticated enough to know that these can be S/M activities: we do play with fear, but we do so consensually. Few people assume an easy comfort level with shit, and piss is more accepted in some communities than others.\n\n> \u2022 High-risk play. Some forms of play have much higher risks of injury or death than others. Breath control and electricity can stop hearts, sometimes permanently. Firearms play, no matter how careful you think you\u2019re being with an \u201cunloaded\u201d gun, can go tragically wrong, as can playing with real-world danger like speeding cars and skyscraper balconies. And then there\u2019s play with serious social risks, like getting caught by your mother. Play involving drugs or alcohol impairs bottoms\u2019 perception of damage being done to their bodies, and reduces tops\u2019 judgment and inhibitions. There\u2019s room for difference of opinion about the thin line between \u201cvery risky\u201d and \u201ctoo dangerous to do at all\u201d \u2013 but if you\u2019re playing anywhere close to that line, we think your play requires both partners\u2019 explicit consent, and a lot of planning for safety.\n\n> \u2022 Limits of scene space. Scenes that expand the agreed-upon limits of scene space require special consent \u2013 for instance, inviting other people to join a scene should be checked with your bottom, because if you get your bottom all tied up and hot and bothered and then introduce your three friends who just arrived, she might get a little outraged. You also include additional, nonconsensual participants if you play visibly in public, like if you chain your bottom to a parking meter and go inside for a cappuccino. It is very important to have explicit consent if you want to record a scene in photos or on video or audiotape: many people have strong and valid limits about pictures of themselves in extremely embarrassing positions possibly being seen by other people.\n\n> \u2022 Emotional limits. Scenes likely to evoke profound emotional conflict require special consent, both from the bottom and from the top. Such scenes may involve abandonment, betrayal, extreme humiliation, regression to child or baby states, and real-world emotions, especially anger. These are all \u201cbutton-pushers,\u201d and can evoke much more extreme responses than you bargained for. We find it particularly important to agree that we will not take anger we have about real conflict into a scene \u2013 even if you and your bottom are in a relationship in which you have the right to punish him, it\u2019s generally not a good idea to punish in anger.\n\nLIMITS FOR TOPS\n\nAs tops, we have the same responsibility as bottoms to know our own limits. We can start by being honest about what we want and what we don\u2019t want. A good exercise to clarify this is called \u201cYes, No and Maybe.\u201d Make a list of all the sexual and BDSM activities you can think of, and then divide them into three categories \u2013 yes, no and maybe. Yes is what you know you like, no is what you know you don\u2019t like, and maybe is all those things that might be hot if the time were right, or you were really turned on, or you could get someone who already knows how to teach you. This exercise can be fun to do with your partner or in a group \u2013 but if you feel that to be a real stud top you ought to be ready for anything, maybe you should try it alone the first time so you can be honest with yourself. On your yes list you will probably find plenty of things you like, and the maybe list promises plenty of hot stuff to explore. Respect your own no list as you would your bottom\u2019s.\n\nIt is particularly important to know and honor the limits of your knowledge and skill. It can be embarrassing if a bottom approaches you with a new eight-foot bullwhip and wants you and only you to crack it over his or her ass, forcing you to admit that you have no idea how to operate that thing. But remember, it would be a lot more embarrassing if you tried to do it and failed, and even worse if you wound up injuring the bottom \u2013 a very real possibility, as throwing a bullwhip is dangerous and requires a tremendous amount of training and practice.\n\nIf your fantasy of being a top requires you to be all-knowing, that\u2019s a fine fantasy, and you still have to know your limits. Good bottoms will respect your honesty \u2013 at least, if we said we\u2019d never done something before and were feeling uncertain about it, and a bottom said \u201cAw, c\u2019mon,\u201d we would wonder a lot about that bottom\u2019s respect for safety.\n\nMAKING ROOM FOR YOUR OWN NEEDS. Where do sex and physical stimulation for the top fit into your scene agenda? Many of us have some difficulty feeling like a big bad top when we are on our backs with our legs in the air squealing in ecstasy. Some tops like to focus on what they are doing to the bottom during the scene, and arrange for their own orgasm afterwards. Some of us top first, then switch to the bottom role to get stimulated. Some of us order our bottoms not to touch us at all during a scene because it is distracting.\n\nHere\u2019s an intriguing script for a switching scene that was negotiated by a top who had a yen for some downtime:\n\n> A hapless bottom has been kidnapped into the harem of hte Sultan Of Whatever to be trained as a pleasure slave. The training begins with innocence violated, our heroine bound and chained, helpess to resist the sensual invasion of the skillful slave trainer, etcetera. Then, somehow, the erstwhile slave escapes and manages to tie up her master, and (with a surprisingly active imagination for such an innocent maiden) takes her revenge by winding leather cords tightly around his cock and balls, and hanging weights from his scrotum with mean little clothespins.\n\n> Then, the evil slave master gets loose and again, our poor heroine is bound, subjected to terrible punishments and thoroughly ravished, to the satisfaction of both the players on this private stage.\n\n> Who says you can\u2019t have your cake and eat it too?\n\nYou can make a space during your scene for your own stimulation, and you can negotiate that with your bottom. For instance, you might like a butt plug in your ass and a vibrator on your cock or clit while your pleasure slave pulls on the chain between your nipple clamps \u2013 so why not? Bottoms may or may not have access to a whole lot of initiative while they are in role, but most of them are good at following directions. So make a clear agreement with your bottom before the scene starts, untie your bottom and order him or her to molest you in your favorite way when the time is right, and remember that your bottom, just like you, might need to focus on what he is doing to you \u2013 so this might not be the best time to yank off a clamp while your tender parts are between his teeth. Or then again..\n"}
+{"input": " \n\nTitle: \"Exploring Dominance: A Novice Top's Role-Play Scene\"\n\nPrompt: \n\nWrite a narrative from the perspective of a novice top named Akasha, who experiences a strong desire to dominate her friend Richard in a role-play scene. Include the following elements:\n\n1. Akasha's internal struggle with her dominating thoughts and fantasies.\n2. Her phone conversation with Richard, expressing her desires and setting up the scene.\n3. The initial meeting at a caf\u00e9, where Akasha plays with power dynamics by feeding Richard.\n4. The transition to Akasha's room, where she assumes a dominant role and uses various restraint devices on Richard.\n5. Akasha's execution of a series of short scenes, exploring different power dynamics and desires.\n6. A detailed description of the final scene, in which Richard is handcuffed and Akasha role-plays his execution, building tension through sensual and emotional overload.\n7. Akasha's emotional release following the scene, expressing feelings of guilt and the need for reassurance from Richard.\n8. Akasha's reflection on the exhausting nature of the dominant headspace and the recovery process.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 3\n\nA role-play scene, played by \u201cAkasha,\u201d a novice top friend.\n\nI woke up with great difficulty and realized my mind was full of thoughts of domination, weird fantasies about devices that I did not own but wished I did. I thought of my friend Richard, and a wonderful night we had shared many months before.\n\nI called him and found him still in bed. I said, \u201cGod, I am really having a problem today.\u201d\n\nHe shifted in his sheets, I could hear it, and said, \u201cHungry?\u201d\n\nI was doodling, cracking pencil leads and then throwing them away. \u201cYes,\u201d I said, and I was sort of half shaking, just wanting to make him beg on the phone, make him get out of his warm bed and kneel down, make him whimper, do anything. But I wanted more, so I held back and asked him to see me.\n\nHe half moaned and sighed, yawned again, and told me he had class that night. I told him to meet me afterward. He paused, and I felt like I was going to die.\n\n\u201cRichard, please. I\u2019m going crazy. Do this for me, OK?\u201d\n\n\u201cYou want to hurt me?\u201d he said softly, making me face it. This was back when it was still hard for me to accept that I enjoyed making men suffer.\n\nIt\u2019s difficult to describe what a day like that feels like, waiting for the hours to go by, trying to concentrate on work, going one step at a time. When I am in that mindframe I can smell everything in the air, I can feel mist against my face in the cold air. The moon is more illuminated, the sound of my feet in puddles as I walk somehow thrills me with a feeling of authority.\n\nI arrived at the cafe a few minutes early and waited in the lobby. Richard arrived a few minutes late. When I stood up and hugged him he laughed softly into my ear, \u201cHow\u2019re you doing?\u201d\n\nI just moaned and started fingering his hair, tugging at it a little. We parted and I looked at him again, blinking. I felt weak, numb. I wanted to take him by the hair and force him to his knees. Instead I said weakly, \u201cYou probably haven\u2019t eaten yet. Can I buy you dinner?\u201d\n\nWhen his food arrived I stole his silverware and he laughed. \u201cI\u2019m serious,\u201d I told him in a low voice. \u201cI am feeding you this entire meal.\u201d\n\nHis eyes searched around the room and he lowered his voice, \u201cCome on, people will see. We can take care of you when we get home. Let me eat.\u201d\n\nAny other night I wouldn\u2019t think twice about him eating dinner across from me. But in that mood, on that night, I wanted to be the one feeding him. I wanted to make him part his lips each time I lifted the spoon. I wanted to make him beg with his eyes for more, or look at me longingly. Or I wanted to force him to do it.\n\nI leaned over the table and we argued a bit about it, finally compromising in that I would feed him the first few bites and then let him finish. Knowing that he hated doing it but would submit to it for a few minutes was enough for now.\n\nWhen we got into my room he sat on the edge of my bed then finally lay down, spreading his arms out and sighing tiredly. I slid down and moved on top of him, moving my hands up to his wrists and holding them down there. His eyes flickered open and he stared at me expressionlessly, waiting.\n\nI consider it true, deep headspace when I am capable, without hesitation, of exercising acts of cruelty or power as if they were second nature. These are things that I would never do in a normal state of mind. On that night I slipped into it relatively easily, maybe because I had been lingering around the edges of it for so long.\n\nI set up a series of short scenes, because my appetite was varied and I wanted to satisfy it all. Sometimes I want total resistance, sometimes I want fear, sometimes I want pathetic, eager submission. That night I wanted them all.\n\nI used every single restraint device on him that I had, in every position I could imagine. I kept a hand over his mouth most of the night and wrestled him to the ground three or four different times, ordering him to feign resistance until I hurt him into submitting.\n\nI roleplayed kidnapping him, interrogating him, seducing him, and fucking him. I had an orgasm just from the way he felt against me as I took him against his will, one hand holding his head back by a fistful of hair and the other over his mouth to muffle his protests.\n\nFor the grand finale I put him in my chair and handcuffed his wrists behind his back, taking my wall mirror down and putting it behind him so I could see his wrists and enjoy the way they looked while still facing him.\n\nI put water in his hair to simulate sweat and messed it up, tied his ankles together, and told him I was going to kill him.\n\nHe put his head down solemnly and I walked around a bit, touching his skin gently, telling him how pretty and helpless he looked. He shifted, and struggled uselessly, then lifted his head to me and looked at me with his teeth clenched, saying \u201cYou have to let me go. Don\u2019t do this to me.\u201d\n\nI leaned down and held his face in my hands, putting my lips close to his, licking them gently. \u201cKiss me goodbye, my tortured slave.\u201d\n\nHe shut his eyes and leaned forward to kiss me, hungry, passionate, as if to seduce me with his mouth and tongue. This kiss was long, desperate, and when I broke from it he was breathing hard.\n\nHis eyes were pleading, yet strong. \u201cI\u2019m not afraid to die,\u201d he said softly.\n\nHe always knew the things to say. He was begging, yet he was strong. He was submitting, but he was still powerful. He amazed me.\n\nWe had played these execution scenes before so I didn\u2019t need to give him any instruction. He was to pretend he had about three minutes left to live, locked in some airtight chamber or given some poisonous gas, and he was to struggle yet remain brave until the moment I came to save him from his fate.\n\nAnd he really knew how to play it. Perfectly, yet differently every time. The way he pulled at the handcuffs, letting them cut into his wrists as if it didn\u2019t matter,. The way he threw his head back to breathe with such pained difficulty, the way he looked at me through wet bangs with desperation, his lashes damp with tears.\n\nI felt so close to orgasm, but it was a different sort of satisfaction. I just watched, emotionless, as his struggles became weaker and his breathing more labored.\n\nThen it hit me, at once, it was like a sensual overload, like an orgasm but of the mind. I shivered, I felt a cold sweat on my body and suddenly I wanted to cry, I thought, \u201cGod, what am I doing to him?\u201d I unfastened him quickly and slid into his arms, shaking, telling him I was sorry. He laughed softly into my ear and told me it was okay, that he was acting, and that I needn\u2019t feel bad.\n\nBut feeling bad makes me feel better, so I spent some time crying, letting him reassure me. We lay down in the bed together and eventually fell asleep after I had sufficient reassurance.\n\nWaking up the next morning I felt a different kind of exhaustion. It\u2019s impossible to explain how much dom headspace rips the energy right out of you. Sometimes it takes me days to recover.\n"}
+{"input": " Title: \"Mastering the Art of Topping: Tips and Techniques for Dominants\"\n\nPrompt: \n\nWrite an informative guide for novice tops, including the following elements:\n\n1. The importance of preparation and fantasy building before a scene.\n2. Strategies for avoiding over-planning and under-planning, such as creating an outline of possible activities.\n3. The role of a beginning ritual in establishing a sexy, susceptible headspace for both parties.\n4. Tips for staying in control and building momentum, including the art of escalation.\n5. Techniques for handling impromptu inspiration and cases of \"blank-paperitis\" during a scene.\n6. The importance of keeping the energy going in a scene, and tips for doing so in both nurturing and nonconsent scenarios.\n7. The delicate balance of giving clear, forceful directions without relinquishing control.\n8. Strategies for gathering information from the bottom without breaking the scene's energy, such as verbal cues and nonverbal signals.\n9. The role of support and encouragement in a scene, and ways to offer it without breaking character.\n10. Suggestions for checking in with the bottom during a scene, such as the \"two squeezes\" check-in method.\n11. Tips for calibrating a bottom's responses and using a \"one to ten\" strategy when playing with a new bottom or new toy.\n12. The risks and responsibilities involved when a bottom enters \"The Forever Place\" or becomes a \"bottomless pit.\"\n13. The importance of closure in ending a scene, and tips for achieving a smooth closure.\n14. The need for winding down and decompression time after a scene, and suggestions for activities to help both parties return to a functional mental state.", "response": "\n\n9\n\nGO!\n\nAll the negotiation, planning, scheming and fantasizing in the world never quite prepare you for that moment when you\u2019re standing there, face to face with the bottom of your dreams, who is breathing a little bit fast and looking at you with an expectant gleam in his or her eyes. Omigod\u2026 now what am I supposed to do?\n\nWe suggest that before you get to that critical moment, you spend a little (or a lot of ) time thinking your scene through. Try to build a fantasy around the person you\u2019re playing with and the kind of scene you\u2019ve agreed to play. (Janet likes to do this while masturbating.) This doesn\u2019t have to be a narrative-type fantasy with plots and dialogue unless you want it to be \u2013 maybe your fantasy is about a particular energy or activity. Be as far out as you like in your fantasy; you can always revise later when you bring the fantasy into reality.\n\nThat fantasy will be the core of the scene you do together. We guarantee that the scene will not go exactly the way it did in your fantasy\u2026 reality is never that willing to conform to our expectations. But if your fantasy has your gorgeous captive first kissing your boots, then getting trussed up like a Christmas turkey, then getting flogged and fucked, you have at least an outline for your scene.\n\nDon\u2019t script too tightly. If your satisfaction in this scene depends on your bottom saying certain words, or resisting in just the right manner, you\u2019d better make sure she knows it, or she is very likely to react the wrong way:\n\n> As part of a public demonstration, Janet, as the sadistic butch prison warden, was threatening Dossie, as the innocent and wrongly imprisoned \u201cgood girl,\u201d with a cavity search. It would have been very inappropriate to actually do a cavity search in front of an audience of strangers, so Janet assumed that Dossie would resist, thus giving The Warden an excuse to punish The Girl. Unfortunately, she forgot to mention this plan to Dossie, who got deeply enough into the role that it didn\u2019t occur to her to refuse \u2013 leaving Janet standing there with a glob of lube on her gloved finger and a foolish expression on her face, frantically trying to signal Dossie that she should please for heaven\u2019s sake resist so they could get on with the scene.\n\nJanet made the mistake of overplanning \u2013 of making the scene dependent on the bottom\u2019s reaction, without ensuring that the bottom would react the way she needed. If you want your bottom to resist, to capitulate, to beg or to struggle, you\u2019d better make that desire clear up front or you\u2019re likely to get stuck improvising in ways that might not work for either of you.\n\nOn the other hand, underplanning \u2013 going into a scene with no idea of what you\u2019re going to do or what sequence you\u2019re going to do it in \u2013 is a surefire recipe for what Dossie calls \u201cblank-paperitis,\u201d that brain-dead feeling when you look at the bottom and can\u2019t begin to imagine what might be a good thing to do next.\n\nWe like to go into a scene with an \u201coutline\u201d of possible activities \u2013 a menu that we can move through or skip around or even ignore if we think of something better to do, but that\u2019s always there to fall back on if we feel stuck. Janet likes to plan an outline with two or three times as many items on it as she could ever actually do in a single scene, so she has plenty of choices and can go with the flow of her own energy and the bottom\u2019s reactions.\n\nWHAT DO YOU DO FIRST?\n\nWell, first you panic \u2013 at least a little. This is the challenging point. But have courage. Remember, we have faith in you.\n\nIn the beginning, your job is to get both yourself and your bottom into a sexy, susceptible headspace: a space in which you are powerful and terrible, and he is malleable and helpless before your implacable will.\n\nWe find that it\u2019s a good idea to start a scene with some sort of ritual that defines the beginning of the scene and starts to get everybody turned on. A hug is good for scenes that have a nurturing, connected feeling. For a slave-type scene, you can have a ritual of putting on the bottom\u2019s collar: many tops like to have their bottoms kneel at their feet and kiss the collar before it is placed around the bottom\u2019s neck. Touching the bottom\u2019s shoulders, back or neck establishes connection in a relaxed and soothing way. Simply standing the bottom a few feet away and having her hold quite still, with eyes lowered, and then turn around slowly \u2013 while you examine every inch of her body, your eyes burning with lust \u2013 can be a hot beginning. Janet sometimes likes to have the bottom leave the room and come back in, with the understanding that once she re-enters the room, the scene has begun. Putting on some bondage can be a good start for many scenes. In other words, just about any beginning can work, as long as it serves the dual purpose of connecting you and your partner and turning you on.\n\nGETTING YOURSELF TURNED ON. If you\u2019re lucky, you\u2019ll already be turned on and feeling like the King or Queen of Hell before you begin \u2013 but neither of us is usually that lucky; we usually have to do something to get turned on and into top space.\n\nIs there something physical that you know turns you on, makes you feel toppy? Janet feels toppy when someone kneels in front of her and sucks her nipples. Do you like having your boots kissed? Your feet rubbed? Is there a name you like to be called? Tell your bottom how to do what you like; be specific. He\u2019ll start to feel submissive and under your control, and you\u2019ll start to get turned on.\n\nSometimes you can convince yourself that you\u2019re a top simply by acting like one. Be bossy, be forceful \u2013 it\u2019s okay if it doesn\u2019t feel \u201cnatural\u201d at first; imitate your favorite movie villain, or a top whose style you\u2019ve admired at parties. As you start to act like a top, you\u2019ll probably start to feel a little excited. And the more turned on you feel, the more natural the topping will seem, and the more turned on you\u2019ll get, so you\u2019ll do more, and get more turned on, and\u2026\n\nYour bottom will notice your arousal and your toppiness and start to get turned on, too, and will add his energy to the drama you\u2019re building. And before you know it, there you\u2019ll both be \u2013 nicely in role, wildly excited and having an absolutely wonderful time.\n\nBUILDING. Once you\u2019ve established scene space with a proper beginning, you can start building some momentum. For most scenes, you want to begin slowly and build gradually. (Interrogation, terror and punishment scenes can be exceptions.) If you\u2019re playing with sensation, start with the gentlest \u2013 sensual stroking or erotic pinching, or some slow-building strokes from a nice soft thuddy flogger. If your scene is more about domination and control, you may want to start with some orders that you know the bottom will not find too intense (either too demanding or too rewarding) \u2013 some posture training, say, or an order for the bottom to lightly stimulate you to get you in the mood. Save the really difficult tasks for later when the bottom is \u201cwarmed up\u201d and deeply into role, and the activities you know she really loves as a reward for doing the difficult ones.\n\nEscalate slowly. If you\u2019ve started with your softest mellowest flogger, step up to something a bit heavier. Add a bit more bondage to restrict your captive\u2019s movement a little more. Start getting a bit pickier about how your commands are carried out. Challenge your bottom by requiring him to do something that requires concentration as he accepts increasing stimulation. (Janet once played with a top who required that she address him by obscene names, each one different, as he caned her: \u201cOne, thank you, dickhead! Two, thank you, fuckwad! Three, thank you, shitfor-brains!\u201d)\n\nYou don\u2019t have to continue to escalate; one of the arts of topping is to take the bottom right up to the edge where she thinks she can\u2019t stand it any more, then back off for a while and do something nicer, then go up to that same place and perhaps a little beyond, then back off again\u2026\n\nIMPULSE TOPPING. Occasionally, while partway into a scene that you\u2019ve planned carefully, you\u2019ll be struck by a sudden inspiration. Following your instinct at such a moment can be risky, particularly if the bottom is expecting something different. But, if your inspiration isn\u2019t a limit for the bottom, it may turn out to be your intuition guiding you toward something wonderful; some of our best moments in scene have been impromptu impulses of this kind.\n\nOn the other hand, sometimes you\u2019ll come up totally dry \u2013 with a bad case of the \u201cblank-paperitis\u201d we mentioned earlier. A good strategy here is to do whatever worked last time, or, if you\u2019re in the middle of a scene, you can backtrack to do some more of whatever was working well earlier: there\u2019s no rule against more of a good thing.\n\nOne top we know taught us another excellent strategy for this moment: do nothing. Simply stop and re-center yourself. Take a deep breath or two. Look at yourself and your bottom. Wait. Inspiration will come. The bottom isn\u2019t going anywhere. This can seem like a very long moment, but really, it\u2019s usually only a minute or so\u2026 and many bottoms love suspense.\n\nKEEPING IT GOING\n\nGood tops are full of all kinds of sneaky ways to keep a scene going without breaking its energy.\n\nA lot of the ideas we\u2019ll talk about in this section fall into two categories: ways to keep the energy going in a scene that is supportive and nurturing, and ways to accomplish the same goal in a scene that\u2019s harsh and is built around a fantasy of nonconsent. In both cases, you\u2019re trying to do the same things \u2013 to get support and information for yourself and to provide support and encouragement for your bottom \u2013 but the way that you accomplish those goals will depend on what role you\u2019re playing.\n\nTAKING CONTROL. An important thing to remember is that your goal is to \u201cturn off your bottom\u2019s brain\u201d \u2013 to enable her to melt into a malleable, will-less state of arousal and hypersensuality. The more control, verbal and physical, that you exert, the easier it will be for your bottom to relinquish control to you.\n\nIt\u2019s a good idea to offer your bottom as few choices as possible. \u201cLie down on the bed\u201d is not such a great order, because it leaves too many questions open in the bottom\u2019s mind. \u201cLie down on the bed, face down, with your head facing the headboard, your legs together and your arms outspread\u201d is better.\n\nYou may still want to offer your bottom choices as part of a head trip \u2013 \u201cSix with the cane or 50 with the flogger? You choose.\u201d But do so intentionally, and make it clear that you\u2019re offering the choice not because you\u2019re floundering but because you enjoy seeing the bottom struggle with the decision.\n\nIt can work very well to take control of a bottom in a physical way as well: pushing, grabbing, dragging, holding down. We did a scene that played with this sense of physical control:\n\n> Dossie was a recently captured slavegirl in a country where she didn\u2019t speak the language; Janet was a new owner who wasn\u2019t the talkative type. While Dossie begged, whined, offered bribes, fumed and refused, Janet simply physically forced her (with a little help from a few floggers and canes and paddles) to kneel, to dance, to suck Janet\u2019s breasts, to masturbate, and other critical \u201cslave skills.\u201d For a couple of verbalists like us, it was a fabulously freeing scene \u2013 Dossie couldn\u2019t talk her way out of it, and Janet found herself able to be physically rough, with hairpulling, shoving, armtwisting and so on, in a way that\u2019s usually difficult for her.\n\nGiving clear, forceful directions can be difficult for many tops, perhaps especially women, who are culturally enjoined against being directive. An exercise Janet teaches in her workshops for novice female dominants is to have the bottoms rub their mistresses\u2019 feet as the mistresses give specific directions about where to rub, how hard and in what rhythm. Although this exercise may sound simple, it is difficult for many attendees. If you have trouble giving orders, it might be a good way for you to practice this important skill.\n\nASKING FOR DIRECTION. While the fantasy of much BDSM is that the top is taking his or her pleasure without regard to what the bottom wants, the reality is that you\u2019re doing this for mutual enjoyment \u2013 and you can\u2019t attain mutual enjoyment without some guidance from your bottom about what he is enjoying. But most bottoms don\u2019t like to feel like they\u2019re running the scene: if they wanted to run scenes, they\u2019d be tops. So you need to figure out ways to get the information you need without seeming to relinquish control.\n\nThe ritual of requiring the bottom to kiss the whip or other implement is really a script for consent. The threat builds anticipation while giving the bottom an opportunity to voice any concerns. Others enjoy having the bottom choose which toy he wants to experience; we know one who likes to lay out all his toys, then tell his bottom, \u201cBring me one item to give you pain and one to give you pleasure.\u201d\n\nOther ways of asking for direction are verbal \u2013 and in these, tone of voice and turn of phrase matter a lot. You know and we know that the sentences \u201cI\u2019d like to cane you now, would that be OK?\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re about to get a caning you\u2019ll never forget, you little slut\u201d really mean pretty much the same thing, but they certainly don\u2019t feel the same to your bottom.\n\nThe trick to asking for direction from top space is to phrase the request in such a way that it sounds like you\u2019re demanding it for your own pleasure, not fumbling around trying to figure out what will please your bottom.\n\nHOW TO BE SUPPORTIVE. Bottoms need a lot of support when they\u2019re doing their thing, and, depending on the flavor of scene you\u2019re doing, there are a lot of different ways you can offer it.\n\nIf a bottom is doing something intense and difficult to please you, she deserves and needs praise. If your scene has a nurturing tone, you simply may want to offer that praise: \u201cI\u2019m proud of you\u201d or \u201cYou took that really well\u201d or \u201cYou look so beautiful doing that.\u201d On the other hand, very few interrogators compliment their victims on how well they take their torture. So if you\u2019re role-playing a scene of nonconsent or harshness, you have to be more subtle \u2013 but a muttered comment about the stubbornness of this particular victim accomplishes the same goal without breaking role: \u201cAh, she has spirit, I like that! More to break.\u201d\n\nA particularly devious top trick is to use the lowered boundaries of scene space to \u201cimplant\u201d messages of self-esteem. We\u2019ve done a couple of scenes together in which Janet is a schoolmistressy authority figure and Dossie is a young girl; Janet enjoys telling Dossie that \u201ca pretty little thing like you is going to be very popular with the big girls around here\u201d \u2013 creating a nice sense of dread as she builds Dossie\u2019s mental self-image.\n\nIt can also be very helpful to \u201ccoach\u201d your bottom through the tough parts by reminding him or her to do things like breathe and relax, kind of like a labor coach in childbirth. If you\u2019re being a supportive top, you can simply tell your bottom what you want her to do: \u201cbreathe along with me\u201d or \u201crelax your butt muscles\u201d or \u201clisten to the music.\u201d If you\u2019re being a mean top, you may have to get a little more creative. \u201cI want to hear you scream\u201d accomplishes the same goal as reminding your partner to breathe (it takes oxygen to scream), but sends shivers up the spine in a totally different way. You can also order your bottom to do something like relaxing her muscles, with appropriate penalties if she tenses up.\n\nCHECKING IN. Since bottoms occasionally forget how to safeword for one reason or another, we think it\u2019s a good idea for a top to have a mechanism she can use to \u201ccheck in\u201d to make sure that everything\u2019s still basically OK.\n\nMany people check in verbally. \u201cStill with me?\u201d or \u201cDo you remember your safeword?\u201d are easy and readily understandable. However, they can be inappropriate for some scenes (prison guards rarely ask their victims if they\u2019re enjoying themselves), plus bottoms can sometimes get too nonverbal to respond properly.\n\nIn his book SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Jay Wiseman suggests the \u201ctwo squeezes\u201d check-in: the top takes hold of some part of the bottom\u2019s body (often the hand) and gives it two firm squeezes. The bottom lets the top know that she\u2019s OK by taking hold of some part of the top\u2019s body and giving it two squeezes back. If the top doesn\u2019t get the two return squeezes, he tries once again; if the squeezes still aren\u2019t forthcoming, he assumes that something\u2019s wrong and that it\u2019s time to break role and talk.\n\nOther forms of check-in are physical: looking for welts to make sure the whip is landing in the right places, watching for changes in breathing or sound, feeling bound hands and feet to make sure they\u2019re still warm and getting enough circulation. Such check-ins also get you close to your bottom\u2019s body, which he usually doesn\u2019t mind.\n\nCALIBRATING YOUR BOTTOM. Many tops, when playing for the first time with a new bottom (or with a new toy on a long-time bottom), use some variant of a \u201cone to ten\u201d strategy. Usually, the top gives the bottom a very gentle stimulus and says, \u201cThat was a \u2018one\u2019 on a scale of one to ten. When you\u2019re ready for another one, say a number that tells me how intense you want it.\u201d The top spends several minutes letting the bottom \u201ccall the shots\u201d in this way, learning about the bottom\u2019s reactions as she goes. Eventually, when the bottom seems to be getting a little bored, the top says, \u201cIf you\u2019re ready to stop calling numbers and let me decide force and timing on my own, let me know.\u201d The bottom can go on one-to-tenning for as long as he needs to feel comfortable, and the top gets a good idea of how well the bottom can handle this particular sensation.\n\nBOTTOMLESS PITS AND \u201cTHE FOREVER PLACE.\u201d Sometimes, a bottom will get so endorphined out or go under so deeply that she feels like she just wants to go on doing this forever and ever and ever. A bottom who is in this condition will not be able to tell you if you are doing damage to her body or mind. She may go very still, no longer struggling or making noise \u2013 this can be scary if you\u2019re not ready for it. Or she may still be moaning and crying, but be unable to respond to simple questions or orders. Or she may seem fine \u2013 Dossie grins and giggles, appearing deceptively on top of it all, while Janet chatters nonchalantly.\n\nIf your bottom goes into \u201cThe Forever Place,\u201d that places an extra burden of responsibility on you; she has no judgment, so you have to provide enough for both of you. Keep an extra-close eye on physical signals like welts, bruises, abrasions and blisters, and watch for dizziness, trembling and nausea (all signs that the bottom is beginning to \u201coverload\u201d and may be on the verge of fainting). Be ultra-respectful of the limits the two of you agreed on beforehand: a bottom in \u201cThe Forever Place\u201d may be absolutely thrilled to see the brass knuckles that she said \u201cabsolutely not\u201d to, but that doesn\u2019t make it OK to use them \u2013 such a bottom\u2019s consent is no longer very meaningful.\n\nBottoms who never seem to get enough are called, somewhat ruefully, \u201cbottomless pits.\u201d Such bottoms can be frustrating for a top, because you can wear yourself to a sweating panting frazzle and still get a wistful \u201cAre we done already?\u201d for your trouble. Some tops like to keep one or more very intense toys or techniques for use in convincing the bottom who thinks she can never get enough.\n\nDossie remembers a public performance she once gave:\n\n> In the early \u201980s, two other women and I produced an erotic performance, the first public S/M demonstration in San Francisco woman-space as far as I know. We staged a kidnapping of a \u201crandom\u201d victim from the audience (actually my lover), and made a big point of establishing consent so the audience wouldn\u2019t freak out \u2013 including having my \u201cvictim\u201d select the whip I would beat her with, which was a relatively gentle braided cat. We had planned a counting scene for a birthday beating, in which she was supposed to control the length and intensity of the beating by counting strokes at the number she was comfortable with\u2026 so the scene started out \u201cone \u2013 whack \u2013 two \u2013 whack \u2013 three \u2013 whack \u2013 three \u2013 whack \u2013 three \u2013 whack\u201d and so on. Our agreement was that when we got close to her birthday age, I would hit her as hard as she liked and end at 33. Well, she got into the Forever Place and forgot she was supposed to want to stop, and kept counting \u201c30, 30, 30.\u201d I couldn\u2019t get her attention, and I couldn\u2019t very well break the rules of play I had so carefully established, so eventually I had to give up, announce that she had won, congratulate her and escort her off the stage, hoping nobody would notice me shushing her when she wanted to know why I had stopped when it was feeling so good.\n\nCLOSURE. Ending the scene is one of the most important factors in helping make sure you and your bottom will both remember the scene fondly later. A sudden, unexpected or clumsy ending can take all the joy out of a scene that\u2019s been pretty nice up until that moment.\n\nEnding a scene takes place in three parts: preparation, closure and aftercare. During the preparation stage, while you\u2019re still actually playing, you need to signal to the bottom that the scene will end soon, so he can begin to come back into the real world and pull himself or herself together. Dossie likes to pick out a fairly heavy toy such as a cane, show it to the bottom, and ask the bottom to pick how many heavy strokes between one and ten (or 20, or 50) he is ready to take before ending the scene.\n\nIf your scene is more about control than sensation, you may want to give the bottom a particularly difficult task \u2013 \u201crepeat the following phrase 100 times, without error, while acting as my footstool\u201d \u2013 with the understanding that the scene will end when he completes the task to your satisfaction. You can string something like this out according to your own judgment by choosing how picky you want to get about what constitutes successful completion of the task.\n\nJanet remembers:\n\n> I was doing an ageplay scene in which I was a very naughty nine-year-old girl and my Daddy, having spanked me thoroughly, was making me write a letter of apology to the principal of my school. I was so completely in role that my handwriting was the Palmer cursive which was taught to children when I was young (and with which I had struggled in great frustration in grade school). As he rejected one draft after another \u2013 too messy, too short, not apologetic enough \u2013 I sank deeper and deeper into role, and got more and more frustrated with my poor handwriting. Fortunately, he saw that I was growing genuinely upset, and chose that moment to \u201caccept\u201d my latest draft \u2013 even though it was not as good as some of the previous ones.\n\nThe main thing to remember about closure is to avoid suddenness. Withdrawing from your bottom while she\u2019s still floating around out in bottom space is clumsy and unkind, and can feel like a dreadful abandonment. Give your partner plenty of warning, in whatever way works for both of you, that the scene is drawing to an end.\n\nWINDING DOWN. After the formal scene is over, most players want and need some decompression time \u2013 hugging, cuddling, talking, dozing, eating, showering, whatever it takes to stabilize both of you back in the real world. (We offered a fairly lengthy set of suggestions for decompression in The New Bottoming Book.) It\u2019s not a good idea to let your bottom attempt complex or dangerous tasks right after a scene, when he may still be endorphined out and perhaps still in suggestible bottom space.\n\nAn S/M scene is not over until both (or all) of you have returned to the real world, to a more or less functional mental state, intimately connected and happy as clams, albeit perhaps a little stupid. This is a good time to relax and enjoy the connection. Some traditions have it that after a scene the bottom should scurry about and clean up the toys, but we prefer to wait until the bottom is recovered enough to do so without breaking anything. We like to respect and enjoy the general incompetence of warm fuzzy endorphined-out bottoms, and share in that state ourselves.\n\nSo invest some time in snuggling, sharing something to eat or drink, perhaps a warm bath (hot tubs are great for this!). You can rub any sore muscles, or have your bottom rub yours. Putting icepacks on bruises, brushing hair, washing any body parts that might have gotten sticky \u2013 grooming behaviors feel good here, and are a nice way to indicate caring nurturance.\n\nSometimes, especially after a particularly intense scene when you\u2019ve been a very good top, your bottom may need support in returning to normal consciousness. If your bottom spaces out and you feel like you can\u2019t quite reach him or her, stay close and in physical contact. If you stay connected, you can probably enjoy the spaced-out feeling too. Allow a little time. Call the person by name; Dossie likes to blow in her ear. Touch her firmly, rub muscles, and gently move joints. A glass of water or something to eat is always grounding. Ask about the journey \u2013 talking gets us back in our heads \u2013 and welcome your friend back. Remember, if your bottom goes very far out it\u2019s probably because you were a very good top.\n\nAnd how about you? How do you return to normal consciousness after you\u2019ve been playing God? It\u2019s a mistake to think that aftercare is offered for the bottom\u2019s sake only. Many tops need this kind of warmth and reassurance as well, to remind them that they\u2019re not really the mean nasty horrible bullies they were acting like just a few minutes before. And you probably don\u2019t want to try running a staff meeting or driving the Indy 500 right after a scene, either; tops get endorphin-y, too, and bossy top energy \u2013 which can be a problem in the real world \u2013 can\u2019t be turned off like a faucet.\n\nSo share the cool-down cycle with your bottom. Luxuriate. If there\u2019s something you like after a scene, let your bottom know, and help your bottom take care of you. If your orgasm is scheduled for after the scene, check in with your bottom to make sure she has recovered enough to make love to you with all the energy and focus you\u2019ve been looking forward to \u2013 you\u2019ll get the best treatment if you\u2019re not in a hurry. Remember, you\u2019re playing with someone you like (at least we hope you are!); take the time to enjoy her company as you float gently back to reality.\n"}
+{"input": " \n\nTitle: \"Navigating Scene Mishaps: Emotional and Physical Challenges in BDSM Play\"\n\nPrompt: Write a guide for BDSM practitioners, focusing on how to handle unexpected emotional and physical mishaps during a scene. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The importance of taking risks in BDSM and the inevitability of occasional scene mishaps.\n2. Emotional glitches, such as panic, anger, grief, or regression, and their potential causes, including flashbacks, role confusion, and real-world emotions infiltrating scene space.\n3. Strategies for minimizing the frequency of emotional mishaps, including honesty about one's background and belief system and avoiding triggers related to past traumas.\n4. Signs of emotional freak-outs, such as sudden changes in response or an inability to use a safeword, and the importance of asking the bottom directly about their emotional state.\n5. Techniques for handling emotional mishaps, including getting out of role, removing bondage, providing warmth, and allowing the bottom to come back at their own pace.\n6. The possibility of emotional mishaps requiring professional therapy and the importance of emotional support during this process.\n7. Physical mishaps, such as off-target strokes, clamps on tender nerves, heart attacks, and seizures, and the importance of acknowledging mistakes during a scene.\n8. Strategies for handling physical mishaps depending on the flavor of the scene, including comforting touches, apologizing, or using role-appropriate language.\n9. The responsibility of a top to take care of a bottom's well-being during a scene, including providing first aid and cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if necessary.\n10. Outside-world emergencies, such as interruptions by non-scene folks, natural disasters, or power outages, and the importance of being prepared to handle these situations.\n11. Aftershocks, such as feelings of guilt, shame, horror, and top drop, and the importance of self-reassurance, respect for limits and safety, and seeking support from friends or a therapist.", "response": "\n\n10\n\nAND IF IT DOESN\u2019T GO THE WAY YOU PLANNED?\n\nWe believe that if you never ever ever have a scene go haywire, with unexpected physical or emotional consequences, you may not be taking enough risks. After all, the reason most of us do S/M is to explore territories that we find a little risky and challenging; if you\u2019re sticking so close to the center of the trail that you never get lost in the woods, you may want to reconsider your pathway.\n\nThe standard by which tops should be judged isn\u2019t in whether their scenes ever go wrong (within, of course, basic standards of safety and consent); it\u2019s in how well they handle it when things do go wrong. So let\u2019s talk a bit about the kinds of things that cause problems in scenes, and how you can handle them when they come up.\n\nEMOTIONAL GLITCHES. In our experience, by far the most common scene mishap is an unforeseen emotional reaction on the part of a participant \u2013 panic, anger, grief, regression or other intense emotion. Freak-outs happen for a variety of reasons: flashbacks to buried memories of abuse or trauma; one or another partner \u201cforgetting\u201d that the scene is supposed to be playful and consensual, and getting the role and the reality confused; real-world emotion inadvertently sneaking into scene space: the possibilities are manifold.\n\nThere is no way to reliably prevent emotional mishaps, but there are ways to minimize their frequency. Nobody knows themselves well enough to predict all their own reactions and hot buttons, but telling your partner about aspects of your background or belief system will help him or her to steer clear or navigate cautiously. (Yes, we\u2019re off on that old honesty thing again.) Similarly, you should try to play with people who you trust to share this kind of information openly with you, so you don\u2019t cavalierly snap your snazzy new Smith and Wesson handcuffs onto someone who was recently brutalized by an abusive cop. (This doesn\u2019t mean you should never play around someone\u2019s traumas, but it does mean you should do so only with proper negotiation, safeguards and cautions \u2013 see Chapter 14 for more information.)\n\nStill, with all the good intentions and good negotiations in the world, freak-outs will happen. And your first challenge as a top is to figure out when they\u2019re happening, which may not always be as easy as it seems. Someone who\u2019s freaking out may be unable to use their safeword, so you can\u2019t rely on that signpost. A sudden and dramatic change in response \u2013 when someone who\u2019s been thrashing and screaming suddenly gets quiet and still, or someone who\u2019s been acting happy and turned on suddenly begins to cry or struggle \u2013 is cause for concern. So is an unwillingness or inability to respond to simple questions or directions. A freak-out may be subtler than that\u2026 Janet remembers:\n\n> I was doing a scene with a regular but still fairly new play partner \u2013 basically a straightforward cock &ball torture scene, although we\u2019d been discussing beforehand his fantasy about being a captive soldier getting tortured by an Indian maiden. Things were going along fine for an hour or so. I noticed at one point, though, that he had turned his head so that we were no longer making eye contact, and he didn\u2019t seem to be talking much. I asked, \u201cAre you still with me?\u201d and he responded in sort of an odd voice, \u201cI\u2019m not sure\u2026\u201d so I got him out of the bondage fast. Later, he explained that the fantasy had started to seem real to him \u2013 he was really beginning to believe that he was going to be tortured slowly to death \u2013 and that any safewords or similar communication would have been perceived by his \u201ctorturer\u201d as a sign of weakness, so all he dared do was turn his head and hope that if it really was still me, I\u2019d notice.\n\nUnfortunately, most of the signs that something has gone wrong can, under other circumstances or with other bottoms, be signs that everything is going exactly right: some bottoms love to cry in scene, and a bottom who\u2019s left his or her body in bliss acts pretty much like one who\u2019s withdrawn in terror. So to find out what\u2019s going on, you have to ask.\n\nFirst, try one of the check-ins we mentioned in the previous chapter. If your bottom can\u2019t or won\u2019t respond, you should probably assume that he\u2019s in trouble.\n\nYour strategy now will be a stronger version of the decompression you use at the end of a scene. First, get out of role yourself \u2013 your bottom doesn\u2019t need a schoolmistress right now, he needs a friend. Quickly and calmly remove any bondage or restraints; find out if he wants any scene symbols such as collars removed \u2013 some bottoms want them off right away, while others may feel rejected and abandoned if you remove them. Make sure he is physically warm \u2013 being wrapped in a cozy blanket feels very good to someone who\u2019s feeling emotionally chaotic.\n\nThen, just put your arms around your partner and wait. Don\u2019t try to initiate conversation at first unless he seems to want to talk; let your bottom come back from whatever scary or angry or sad place he\u2019s in at an appropriate pace. It may be difficult at this point to suppress your own need for reassurance \u2013 you may, quite understandably, be feeling very scared and guilty \u2013 but now isn\u2019t the time to take care of you, it\u2019s the time to take care of your bottom. Later, when he is feeling better, you can get some support for yourself.\n\nAs the bottom starts to come back, he may want to talk about what went wrong, or he may just want to be taken care of some more. Supplying a snack to elevate blood sugar and a beverage to rehydrate is very smart. He might want to be put to bed to sleep off the stress of the freak-out, or to be given a nice warm bath.\n\nIn a few cases, the bottom may have gone into an angry enough place that he isn\u2019t able to accept touch or conversation or nurturing from you at all. This will probably be very difficult for you to handle without tapping into anger or defensiveness of your own. Leave the room for a while if necessary and let your bottom work through the anger solo; don\u2019t push limits here. After a while, you can check in and see if he is calmed down a bit and ready to accept some help from you.\n\nIt is possible that an emotional mishap in scene may open up an old wound that is deep enough to require professional help from a therapist. While we do not believe that you have an obligation to help with the financial burdens of such therapy, we think it\u2019s appropriate for you to be as emotionally supportive as possible for a friend who is doing this difficult work.\n\nPHYSICAL MISHAPS. Unless you have aim like Annie Oakley\u2019s and you play only with bottoms who are in perfect health, it is reasonable to be prepared for physical problems to come up during your scene. These may range from strokes that land off-target or clamps that get placed on tender nerves to heart attacks and seizures.\n\nIf the physical problem is due to a mistake of yours, the way to handle it depends on the flavor of the scene you\u2019re playing. It\u2019s imperative, though, that you acknowledge the mistake somehow \u2013 if the bottom thinks you\u2019re not aware that you goofed, she will start to wonder what else you\u2019re not noticing, and to withdraw trust from you.\n\nIf you\u2019re simply exploring sensations together, there\u2019s nothing at all wrong with saying \u201cOops!\u201d or \u201cSorry!\u201d But if you\u2019re supposed to be an all-knowing mistress or a terrifying interrogator, this won\u2019t cut it. Sometimes, simply putting your hand on the place where the mistake happened and giving a quick comforting rub is enough to let the bottom know that you\u2019re aware things didn\u2019t feel the way they were supposed to. If you\u2019re really playing a mean role, you might try a phrase like \u201cYes, that did hurt, didn\u2019t it?\u201d (Maniacal laughter is optional.)\n\nIf you make too many mistakes, or they\u2019re too serious, the bottom may want to stop the scene \u2013 and who can blame her? Spend a lot of time with this bottom deciding how to process your mistakes and whether or not to use this technique again, today or ever. Then get in a lot of practice time with the technique, on yourself or on an inanimate object, so you don\u2019t make so many mistakes next time.\n\nIf the mistake is such that it requires first aid, don\u2019t try to stay in role \u2013 stop the scene and get your first aid kit. The two of you can decide together whether or not to resume the scene from where you left off.\n\nRemember, the unwritten contract you make when you agree to top someone is that you will take care of her well-being as well as your own for the duration of the scene \u2013 if she gets sick or hurt, you\u2019re in charge, and good tops take that responsibility seriously. Very rarely, you will encounter a genuine physical emergency in your scene: common ones include nausea and/or vomiting, faints and falls; less common ones (thank heavens!) include seizures and heart attacks. A responsible top is prepared for these emergencies.\n\nDon\u2019t put someone into standing bondage unless you know how you would get her down if she became faint \u2013 this is not too rare an occurrence. Panic snaps and winches can help. Keep appropriate shears, scissors or a knife at arm\u2019s reach so that you can cut a sick person out of her bondage in no more than 30 seconds to a minute. Know the location and phone number of your nearest emergency room. We also strongly encourage you to get proper first aid and cardiopulmonary resuscitation training. Some major urban areas offer pervert-only first aid and CPR training, but even if yours doesn\u2019t, contact the Red Cross and take one or more of their regular classes.\n\nOUTSIDE-WORLD EMERGENCIES. We know of one scene in which the top, a professional dominant, had her client tied in elaborate spiderweb bondage to a table, with a big glass mirror suspended overhead so he could see his own helplessness. Both the top and the bottom shortly had the opportunity to explore more helplessness than they\u2019d bargained for \u2013 the Loma Prieta quake hit, the mirror began to lurch back and forth, and the lights went out. (Both of them got out okay \u2013 but we hear that the pro-domme\u2019s playroom now features a Mylar mirror overhead, a blackout light in the outlet, and a pair of paramedic shears hanging on the wall.)\n\nThe outside world doesn\u2019t always cooperate with your desire for a quiet, intense, uninterrupted scene, and a competent top is aware that reality sneaks up on us in unpredictable ways. Outside-world problems range from interruptions by non-scene folks \u2013 kids, parents, housemates, neighbors and so on \u2013 through \u201cacts of god/dess\u201d like fires, storms, earthquakes and power outages.\n\nIf your scene gets interrupted by a person, some quick explanations are in order. A child who walks in on his or her parents\u2019 scene can often be reassured with a comparison to childhood games such as cowboys and Indians. The neighborhood cop, however, may need some serious briefing on basic standards of consent, and a lot of assurance that what he\u2019s seeing isn\u2019t abusive or assaultive behavior. Kidnap and similar scenes occasionally get interrupted by well-meaning onlookers \u2013 try to do your scene in a way that avoids this problem, since you don\u2019t want someone genuinely attacking you thinking they\u2019re heroically saving your bottom from criminal assault.\n\nIf the interruption is on a less personal basis \u2013 say, Hurricane Dora \u2013 you\u2019ll have to think and act fast and accurately. Be prepared to undo bondage, and have clothing available for yourself and your bottom. Remember, your bottom has entrusted his wellbeing to you.\n\nAFTERSHOCKS (NOT THE SEISMIC KIND)\n\nWhen you return to everyday awareness after even a very good scene, you could get a little shocked. What did you just do? Was it all right? Many tops experience feelings of guilt, shame and horror that we could get so turned on, and so satisfied, by doing such awful things. You may need to reassure yourself that you are really an okay person, and that you have perfectly functional boundaries to your dark side. Let your bottom help you with this: she, after all, is eroticized to your nastiness, and in a good position to reassure you that the scene was consensual, safe, satisfying to the bottom, and just plain hot.\n\nAnywhere from a few minutes to a day or two after a big scene, some tops experience \u201ctop drop.\u201d You may feel down in the dumps, inadequate, like maybe the scene really wasn\u2019t as hot as you thought it was \u2013 sometimes being a successful top can pose a major challenge to the maintenance of low self-esteem, so whatever part of you is responsible for maintaining your self-doubt may feel a need to be heard. You may find yourself questioning your sanity, tearing your scene apart with a tremendously critical eye, or convincing yourself that your bottom was just being polite when she was swooning in ecstasy. Or you may just feel kind of used up, low and tired.\n\nThis happens to a lot of us (it happens to bottoms, too, in a different way), so think of it like postpartum depression: you were just really high, so now the pendulum has swung the other way\u2026 and it will get back to the middle soon, really it will. This might be a good time to remind yourself of your respect for limits and safety, and to call your bottom or any other friend for a little reassurance.\n\nComing out of a role that is in any way parental (and how many top roles are not?) may be particularly difficult, as you may wake up internalized messages from your actual parents. When you get self-critical you may feel like a little kid who did something wrong \u2013 which makes it harder to stay centered, grounded and empowered.\n\nOccasionally playing parents or bullies can open up old stuff inside you that you may not even remember having buried years ago. Memories and feelings from childhood traumas can cause particular problems, manifesting as memories you never had before, or recollections of body sensations, or disturbing dreams. If this starts happening to you, consider finding a good therapist. When events in the present open up fossilized conflicts, we all perceive this as confusing, painful or perhaps frightening. Please remember that when old wounds open it means a buried part of ourselves is now available to our consciousness, so there is an opportunity for healing, by knowing ourselves better and reclaiming parts of ourselves we may have had to abandon long ago.\n"}
+{"input": " Write a guide for BDSM practitioners on selecting and maintaining toys for their play. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The range of toy collections, from nothing at all to vast accumulations occupying several rooms.\n2. The importance of choosing toys appropriate to one's play style and level of experience.\n3. A list of basic toys for a beginner, including rope, restraints, blindfolds, collars, clamps, candles, soft floggers, slappers or jockey bats, sex toys, and safer sex supplies.\n4. More advanced toys, such as helplessness toys, striking toys, pinching toys, poking toys, temperature play toys, and toys that zap.\n5. The special risks associated with electricity play.\n6. The importance of maintaining toys properly, including cleaning and inspecting them for damage.\n7. Tips for traveling with toys, including considerations for air travel and customs.\n8. The importance of prioritizing skill, creativity, character, and ethics over the size of one's toy collection.", "response": "\n\n11\n\nTOYS FOR TOPS\n\nTops\u2019 toy collections can range from nothing at all \u2013 it\u2019s possible to do excellent S/M using nothing but your body and your imagination \u2013 through vast accumulations occupying several rooms of a household. Choosing toys that are appropriate to your play style and level of experience is a craft in itself: a classic novice\u2019s error is to choose hideous nasty vicious toys that no bottom in his right mind would allow an inexperienced top to use.\n\nIn cookbooks, kitchen equipment is known as the batterie de cuisine: a beginning cook is given a list of tools and supplies to start with, and a supplementary list of stuff to acquire later on for the master chef. We will do the same.\n\nA BASIC TOY SELECTION\n\nThese basic toys are a \u201cstarter set\u201d; we think they\u2019re the best tools to go out and buy as you begin your toy collection. Very few of them are likely to cost you more than $40 or so, and if you\u2019re on a budget, you can often figure out less expensive alternatives that you can create from household supplies or find at the thrift store, supermarket or hardware store. So, to get you started, we recommend:\n\nROPE. Choose something soft, washable and at least 3/8\" thick; finish the ends with a piece of tape or stitch them with thread so they won\u2019t fray. Some folks swear by cotton magician\u2019s rope or soft nylon rope from the hardware store. Marine supply stores and mountain-climbing stores offer an enormous selection of excellent rope in different sizes, textures and colors. If you\u2019re just getting started, try 12-foot lengths of several different kinds and experiment with which you like best. Once you settle on one or two kinds, you\u2019ll probably want at least four 12-foot lengths; you\u2019ll probably want to add a couple of shorter or longer lengths once you learn more about what kinds of bondage you like to do.\n\nRESTRAINTS. Unless you\u2019re very clever with knots, you\u2019ll find that a set of bondage cuffs for the wrists, and ideally a second set for the ankles, are a good investment. Try them on yourself before buying; tug the rings in all different directions to see if anything digs in or chafes, or if the cuff twists out of shape. Leather is nice if you can afford it, but there are good cuffs of nylon webbing which are strong and cheap. We don\u2019t recommend handcuffs or metal cuffs for beginners.\n\nBLINDFOLD. The blindfold is a toy of such astonishing virtue that we had to set aside some space to talk about it. A blindfold can be a folded scarf or an Ace bandage, a nightshade from the drugstore or an elaborate leather mask from the toy store: no matter, they all work great.\n\nTo understand the power of the blindfold, try one on yourself. Feel the change in your state of consciousness, how quiet you become when you take away the busy distractions of sight, how your consciousness moves away from the verbal entrainment of thought, how time passes in an easy flow in the trance of sensory deprivation.\n\nIt is a powerful act to take away someone\u2019s vision, to make him helpless, to make him dependent on you for most kinds of functioning. You can accentuate this feeling by taking your blindfolded bottom for a walk, or sending him to the bathroom in the darkness. Stay nearby, don\u2019t let your bottom fall.\n\nThere are practical advantages to blindfolding your bottom: then he can\u2019t see you fumble with the toys, or grab a clip to get your hair out of your eyes. We know a top who wears six-inch heels to tower over her bottoms, which she removes as soon as they can\u2019t see her anymore. So the blindfold offers privacy to the top, and relieves the bottom of the distractions of dealing with the material world. Check with your bottom before slipping on a blindfold, particularly if the two of you are new to one another \u2013 some bottoms find them too threatening for first-time play, and some need to take out their contact lenses first.\n\nBlindfolds help to focus the bottom on what you are doing. Be aware that when you take away one sense, all others become accentuated. The blindfolded bottom will listen carefully, trying to figure out what you are going to do next \u2013 you can make this harder by playing music, or making noises on purpose to awaken his or her imagination.\n\nTouch becomes triply intense for the blindfolded. Many tops try to maintain physical contact with a hand or a leg touching some part of the bottom\u2019s body at all times during the scene, while others may step back and let the bottom feel the abandonment of being blind and out of contact. Don\u2019t withdraw touch by accident \u2013 this is a powerful stimulus, and you want to stay purposeful with it. Don\u2019t leave a blindfolded person alone in a room where you can\u2019t watch over him.\n\nDossie recalls a scene at the first all-woman play party in San Francisco, where four tops requested her assistance because their bottom had gone all ticklish and couldn\u2019t stop giggling. Blindfold to the rescue! The bottom calmed down right away, and so did all her nervous tops.\n\nWe love blindfolds. Blindfolds are wonderful. Get one now.\n\nCOLLAR. If you\u2019re really not interested in dominance &submission or role-playing, you can skip this one, but we\u2019ve found that many bottoms appreciate being collared as a way to start the scene and to go into bottom space. A nice dog collar from the pet store doesn\u2019t cost much. 20\" seems to work out about right unless you play with very large or muscular people. If you form an ongoing relationship with your submissive, buying him his own collar, rather than the \u201cgeneric\u201d one you keep in your toybag, can be a gesture of great symbolic weight.\n\nCLAMPS. Wooden clothespins from the hardware store, or plastic ones from the Asian grocery, are some of the cheapest, most versatile toys available. If you\u2019re a novice, you probably won\u2019t need more than six or so, although some advanced players enjoy playing with dozens or even hundreds of clamps. Clamps can go just about anywhere you can pinch up a fold of skin \u2013 breasts, chests, arms, legs, genitals, buttocks, backs and more (not near the eyes, please). Know that if you leave a clamp on for a few minutes, it will hurt a lot more when it comes off. Practice on your own hide to get the feel.\n\nCANDLES. Hot wax play offers a relatively safe way to explore some intense sensations. Use only plain white paraffin candles to start with \u2013 dyes and scents raise the melting temperature and can make the wax too hot for many bottoms. If paraffin feels too intense, a milder alternative is the candles that come in tall glasses, sometimes with religious pictures on the side, which melt at a very cool temperature. Beeswax has a skin-burningly high melting point and should be avoided. As a rule of thumb, the softer the candle, the cooler the melting point of the wax \u2013 but you should test any wax on yourself before you drip it onto your bottom. An ice cube used alternately with dribbles of hot wax can create very interesting sensations.\n\nSOFT FLOGGER. This is almost certainly going to be your biggest investment \u2013 but we find that more bottoms enjoy this sensation than any other, so if you can manage the $100-$150 such a toy is likely to cost, we encourage you to make the purchase. Shop at a store with clerks who can help you make a good selection. Try it on your thigh or arm, both softly and forcefully; you want something that gives a caressing, thuddy sensation, without too much sting or harshness; you may want to add other, harsher whips to your collection later. Such floggers are often made of suede, deerskin, elk, cabretta or buffalo hide. If you\u2019re short on cash and long on imagination, you can make an fine soft flogger by folding several lengths of soft rope in half, binding them together at the fold with tape or knots, and unraveling the ends, or by cutting strips from a discarded garment of soft suede or leather and folding them the same way. Practice with your flogger on a pillow, comforter or plush toy until you can consistently land the tips of the tails \u2013 the nastiest part \u2013 exactly where you aim them.\n\nSLAPPER OR JOCKEY BAT. If you\u2019re only going to choose one toy for smacking (as opposed to flogging), we think it should be either a leather slapper \u2013 a two-layered paddle made of stiff but flexible leather, which makes a very loud cracking noise but is unlikely to cause damage \u2013 or the short, broad-tipped riding crop called a \u201cjockey bat.\u201d In our opinion, the jockey bat looks hotter but the slapper feels better. Both are easy to control and give a sensation that many bottoms enjoy. If you use the jockey bat, hit with the tip only until you are much more experienced. Both toys are available in riding stores for $10 or so.\n\nSEX TOYS. If you want to get yourself and/or your bottom off, a good vibrator is a worthwhile investment. We prefer the plug-in or rechargeable kinds because their vibration is much stronger. If you play with bottoms who enjoy being vaginally or anally penetrated, you may want to add a dildo and/or butt plug as well. Anything used for penetration should first be covered with a condom, or else kept for one bottom.\n\nSAFER SEX SUPPLIES. Unless you\u2019re in a completely and consistently monogamous relationship, you should be putting latex or other barriers over anything that comes into contact with blood, semen, vaginal fluid, urine, feces and any other body fluids. Experiment with condoms until you find the ones you like (you may want some lubricated ones for penetration play and some unlubed ones for oral play). Get latex gloves in your size. Use dental dams or plastic wrap if you perform cunnilingus or have it performed on you. Try different water-based lubricants to see which you like; you may want to use a thinner, runnier lube for vaginal play and a thicker, gooier one for anal play. If you have trouble getting erect or getting off with a condom on, try masturbating with them until it feels easy and natural. Practice makes perfect.\n\nEMERGENCY SUPPLIES. Your basic toy kit should contain a pair of heavy-duty shears such as paramedic\u2019s shears, or a blunt-tipped sharp knife that can be run under rope or restraints without poking the bottom\u2019s skin. You will also need to think about dealing with power outages, and many dungeons are dark, so keep a flashlight handy.\n\nMORE ADVANCED TOYS\n\nAs you learn more play technique in general and develop your own specific style, you will probably want to collect more toys. Here are some of the ones we like:\n\nHELPLESSNESS TOYS. You can make your partner helpless with anything from \u201cpretend bondage\u201d (\u201cput your wrists behind your back and keep them there until I say you can move them\u201d) through elaborate and expensive harnesses and body bags.\n\nYou can learn a lot about what kinds of helplessness you enjoy by experimenting with soft rope. If you find yourself attaching your partner\u2019s wrists to her thighs over and over again, you might want to acquire a set of restraints made especially for that position. If a bottom with arms pulled tightly back and chest thrust forward turns you on (and you play with people flexible enough to sustain this difficult position), a \u201cmono-glove\u201d that laces arms together behind backs might be a good investment. Posture collars hold the head high and restrict head and shoulder movement\u2026 yum. A field trip to your local leather emporium, or a delightful evening spent browsing through one of the good mail order catalogs, will yield up many such tantalizing possibilities \u2013 save up your pennies!\n\nYou can also make your partner helpless by taking away some of his or her senses. Blindfolds, as we noted earlier, boost sensation and sharpen focus. Earplugs cost almost nothing and help muffle sound but don\u2019t block it entirely; \u201cnoise-canceling\u201d headphones eliminate background noise almost completely. Hoods of spandex or leather encase the entire head, taking away the bottom\u2019s sight, smells, much of his hearing, even the feel of air currents on his face.\n\nGags require special care in selection \u2013 a too-large gag can leave a bottom with a sore jaw, or even choke him if it holds his mouth open too far for comfortable swallowing. The part that goes into the mouth must be firmly attached to the part that goes around the head so the bottom cannot swallow or inhale it. Janet prefers a gag that absorbs saliva, such as a square scarf folded diagonally with a large firm knot tied in the middle. Other tops like ball gags (many commercial ones are too large for the mouths of smaller bottoms, so you may have to make your own) or \u201cbit\u201d-type gags that place a leather bar in the bottom\u2019s mouth. No gag can stop a bottom from making any noise at all \u2013 grunts and muffled screams will still emerge, so don\u2019t count on your gag enabling you to do heavy pain play while Mom dozes lightly in the next room.\n\nFor complete helplessness and immobilization, many tops like to use some combination of kitchen-type plastic wrap or pallet wrap, plus sticky tape and, perhaps, a few sports bandages. With these few simple supplies, you can mummify a bottom so firmly that he can\u2019t move a muscle and can\u2019t even feel her own skin. (Dehydration is a danger here \u2013 give your bottom water with a sports bottle or baby bottle, and don\u2019t play this game in an overly warm or cold room.) You can carefully cut holes so you can get to the bottom\u2019s skin in those special places.\n\nYou may want to add some things for attaching people to in your bedroom or play space. An old-fashioned four-poster or brass bed is \u201cdeniable\u201d and useful. Eyebolts in ceilings and walls can be explained away as \u201cfor plant hangers\u201d when the folks come to visit \u2013 if you\u2019re not absolutely certain of your ability to center an eyebolt in a joist or stud, get professional help. Ottomans and \u201ckneeling chairs\u201d convert readily into spanking horses, and a little imagination and carpentry will enable you to create bondage equipment that can be shoved into a closet or under the bed when you\u2019re not playing.\n\nOf course, the more helpless you make your bottom, the more responsible you are for his or her well-being. If your bottom is in bondage, don\u2019t go out of earshot; if she\u2019s gagged as well, don\u2019t leave the room. When you\u2019ve made someone as helpless as an infant, take care of him or her as carefully as you would an infant.\n\nTOYS FOR HITTING. Oooh, our favorites. Striking toys can be found in the supermarket, the hardware store, the stationery store, antique stores, tack shops \u2013 even, if you\u2019re feeling perverse, leather stores.\n\nA common way of describing the sensation of a toy is to talk about \u201cthud\u201d and \u201csting\u201d \u2013 most bottoms prefer one or the other. The sting-to-thud ratio of any striking toy depends mostly on its proportion of weight to breadth. You can learn this particular bottom\u2019s preference either by asking, or by trying a bit of each and watching her reaction.\n\nWith striking toys, like any other toy, it\u2019s very important to start slow and work your way up. While a few bottoms enjoy the challenge of fast buildup or even no warmup at all, they\u2019re the exception \u2013 and any bottom can go a lot further if properly warmed up.\n\nThings that are basically broad, stiff and flat fall under the general subcategory of \u201cpaddles.\u201d Paddles are most often made of leather, which is relatively flexible and stingy, or of wood, which is stiff and more thuddy. Hairbrushes and wooden spoons, traditional spanking implements, are basically small paddles and are actually quite harsh, beyond many folks\u2019 limits. If you prowl antique stores you can sometimes find old fraternity paddles, which are vicious, or novelty paddles with corny sayings on them, which are embarrassing. Make sure your paddle has no harsh edges or corners which can cut or abrade. Paddles with holes are hot to look at and hurt a lot, but are far more likely to break or blister skin than smooth paddles.\n\nLong flat flexible striking toys fall under the broad category of \u201cstraps.\u201d It\u2019s relatively easy to find good straps outside leather stores \u2013 an old, soft, well-worn, broad leather belt from the \u201960s is a thrift store treasure. Tack shops and antique stores (watch for leather razor strops in good condition) are also good places to find straps. The sound of a top pulling her belt out of its loops and doubling it up is delightfully scary. But be extra-cautious in negotiating play with straps \u2013 they are commonly used by abusive parents and spouses, and are thus likelier than most other toys to trigger flashbacks to nonconsensual violence.\n\nYou\u2019ll hear multi-tailed toys called \u201ccats,\u201d \u201ccat-o-nine-tails,\u201d \u201cflails\u201d and other names; we\u2019ll call them, generically, \u201cfloggers.\u201d Floggers may have just a few tails (if there are only two, they\u2019re usually called \u201cquirts\u201d) or hundreds. They are most commonly made of leather, but we\u2019ve seen nice ones made of rope, rubber and manmade materials as well. Braided tails are nasty, tails with knots nastier yet. Some floggers are made of the gentlest, most sensual suede or deerskin, others of tough harsh hide. Try a potential flogger on yourself \u2013 or, better yet, have a trusted friend give you some strokes with it \u2013 before you buy it if possible, and certainly before you use it on somebody else.\n\nLong thin stiff rods fall under the category of \u201ccanes.\u201d Bottoms mostly either love canes fanatically or hate them passionately \u2013 they hurt a lot, and the pain comes in two waves, one when the cane strikes, and another a few moments later when the tissue decompresses. Classically, canes are made of rattan, often varnished. Rattan canes need to be soaked regularly to maintain their weight and flexibility \u2013 use salt water to avoid mildew. Rattan canes feel wonderful, but are hard to clean if they come in contact with blood, plasma or other body fluids \u2013 so we also often see canes made of manmade materials like fiberglass and Delrin. Cane sluts (like us) like to have several of each kind, in various lengths, breadths, and flexibilities.\n\nBullwhips, blacksnakes and signal whips are called \u201csingle-tailed whips,\u201d and are for use only by genuine experts. The \u201ccrack\u201d these whips can make is actually the sound of the tip breaking the sound barrier \u2013 that\u2019s how fast they travel, and how dangerous they can be. A single-tailed whip can tear flesh. If you haven\u2019t practiced assiduously on inanimate objects for a long time, don\u2019t even think about using one on a human being.\n\nTOYS FOR PINCHING. While you can do perfectly wonderful S/M with nothing but a bag of wooden clothespins, players who love the slow buildup and cathartic release of wearing and removing clamps often collect many different kinds (one bottom we know has a box the size of a small suitcase that contains nothing but clips and clamps). The classic place to apply clamps is on the nipples, but a fair percentage of bottoms find that particular type of pain difficult to handle \u2013 others adore it, so you have to ask. Clamps also work well just about anywhere on the body where you can grab a pinch of skin and slip on a clamp. Occasionally a clamp gets put on a place that is truly intolerable, perhaps on top of a nerve; it is entirely reasonable for a bottom to ask to have such a clamp moved, maybe only half an inch or so. Some clamps, such as Japanese clovers, tighten when you pull on them. Others have teeth or ridges that bite. One thing that all clamps have in common is that they hurt the most coming off, and the longer they\u2019ve been on, the more they hurt on removal \u2013 be prepared for a yelp or jump from your bottom. Plan your timing; clamp removal after orgasm is much harder to handle. If you\u2019re being nice, remove the clamp gently and gradually\u2026 if you\u2019re being mean (and if it\u2019s not toothed or ridged), yank it off. You can also string several non-toothed clamps at intervals along a cord so that you can yank them all off at once \u2013 this is called a \u201czipper,\u201d and delivers a serious jolt of pain and a major flood of endorphins.\n\nTOYS FOR POKING. Poky feelings may come from something sharp being pressed into the skin, or from something sharp actually being pressed through the skin.\n\nIf you don\u2019t want to break skin, bamboo skewers (like for shish kabob) poke beautifully \u2013 a blindfolded bottom may think you\u2019re piercing him (fun for mindfuck). A Wartenburg wheel, used by neurologists, is a small wheel with very sharp spokes on the end of a handle; you run it along the skin like a pizza cutter. Yeowch!\n\nPlay that actually breaks skin is to be done only by experienced tops or under the supervision of an experienced top. Play piercings, typically done with disposable hypodermic needles or sterilized acupuncture needles, involve inserting needles just below the surface of the skin and back out again \u2013 not for the permanent insertion of jewelry, but just for the sensation of being pierced. Cuttings, properly placed no deeper than a cat scratch, are usually done with a sterile scalpel. Some players rub ash or tattoo ink into a decorative cutting to make a permanent mark. There is no way to guarantee that a play piercing or cutting won\u2019t scar, so be aware that it might and refrain from graffiti.\n\nTOYS THAT HEAT OR COOL. Temperature offers a powerful range of sensations. We mentioned hot wax and ice cubes earlier, but they\u2019re worth noting again here, since they\u2019re such simple and versatile toys. A bottom may find it impossible to distinguish between extreme heat and extreme cold \u2013 we\u2019ve heard of scenes in which a top convinces a blindfolded bottom that he\u2019s about to be branded, then presses an ice cube into his flesh.\n\nSome folks enjoy playing with \u201cchemical heat\u201d from spicy oils like cinnamon or peppermint, or from commercial concoctions like Ben Gay or Tiger Balm. It takes only a tiny bit of any of these to create a strong sensation, particularly on mucous membranes like cunts or assholes \u2013 start with the tiniest dab, and give the heat several minutes to build before you consider adding more. If you use too much and your bottom can\u2019t handle it, apply a lot of anything oily \u2013 vaseline, cold cream, even vegetable oil or butter from the kitchen \u2013 to the affected area to dilute the chemical, then send your victim to the shower to suds it off with shampoo.\n\nThe ultimate temperature play is branding. Like piercing and cutting, branding is to be done only by very experienced tops. The way it\u2019s done on TV westerns, or in \u201cThe Story of O,\u201d does not work on people-hide the way it does on cowhide \u2013 learn from an expert before you even consider exploring branding. Brands nearly always leave scars.\n\nTOYS THAT ZAP. Electricity play is a fairly specialized play style with some special risks. The impulses that tell your bottom\u2019s heart when to beat are electrical, and you most definitely do not want to confuse those impulses \u2013 so a general rule for electricity play is \u201cnever above the waist.\u201d We also think it\u2019s better not to do electricity play with a bottom who has a heart condition, and to be extremely cautious about using it on or near piercings.\n\nWithin those rules, though, there is still room for fun. Many folks who like electricity use TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) devices, a medical gadget used to help relieve chronic pain, for sensations ranging from extremely mild through moderately strong. Some manufacturers have modified TENS units for scene play and created specialized attachments \u2013 butt plugs and cock rings and such \u2013 a big investment but very pleasant to play with. Relaxacisors (a quackish weight-loss gadget from the \u201940s and \u201950s) deliver a stronger sensation. Tasers and cattle prods are extremely strong, too much so for most players \u2013 we don\u2019t recommend them unless your bottom is in good health and both of you have had lots of experience with less intense forms of electricity play.\n\nA special case is the \u201cviolet wand\u201d \u2013 another medical device, once thought to help with such problems as baldness. The violet wand delivers a different form of electricity that stays primarily on the surface of the skin, so it\u2019s the only electricity toy that\u2019s considered safe for use above the waist, although you should keep it away from the eyes. The sensation feels a bit like the shock you get from walking across a wool carpet and touching a doorknob, except it goes on and on and\u2026. Again, a big investment, but the folks who love these really love them.\n\nTOYS FOR TURNING ON AND GETTING OFF. While many people play without genital sex, we\u2019re strong advocates for having as much sex as possible \u2013 so our toy collections tend to include lots of gadgets for getting people aroused and giving them orgasms.\n\nDildoes and butt plugs give bottoms (and tops!) that wonderful filled-up feeling that makes orgasms so much more worthwhile. Assholes in particular do not take well to being harshly stretched \u2013 insert plugs and such only after plenty of preparatory finger play, v-e-r-y gradually and gently, and don\u2019t go for the Guinness book on plug size unless you know your bottom can handle it. Use lots and lots and lots and lots of lube (one top we know says \u201cIf there isn\u2019t lube dripping from the ceiling, you haven\u2019t used enough\u201d). If anything burns or creates a sharp or tearing pain, stop immediately \u2013 either fix the situation that\u2019s causing the pain, or move on to another activity. Butt toys need to have a wide flange at the bottom so they don\u2019t get lost in the rectum \u2013 a lost toy is at best uncomfortable and embarrassing, and at worst a serious emergency.\n\nVaginas are less picky about what gets inserted in them, although scrupulous cleanliness is essential for anything that goes into a vagina. Still, the sensation of being hurt or bumped deep inside is not erotic to most women. We suggest that if you like to play with dildoes and other insertables, you acquire a few different sizes and shapes, and keep track of which bottoms like which \u2013 or, better yet, encourage your bottoms to own their own dildoes that are exactly the size and shape they like, and that get used only on them.\n\nToys can give you genitals other than the ones nature gave you. If you have a vagina, you can strap on a penis, or insert one into yourself and still have one left over for a friend. If you want a bigger or harder penis, open the drawer and take one out. Ever wish you had a penis on your leg, or your face? Or that you could have two penises, one for each hole? Use your imagination \u2013 and your MasterCard.\n\nCocks like constriction. Those veins we see on the outside of a penis are the exit path for the blood that makes erections; the arteries that bring the blood in are buried deep inside. Many men find that when you constrict from the outside, with, for instance, a cock ring, or some bondage made with thin rope, or a few condoms, the amount of blood in the cock increases \u2013 and so does the erection. Some men also love the sensation of having their balls pulled away from the body, and tops who play with such men often stock special devices called \u201cparachutes\u201d and weights for this purpose \u2013 heavy brass bells are particularly charming, although Janet once improvised a ball weight from a tube sock and a jar of pennies. Although we lack the proper equipment to confirm these reports, we are told such activities feel good. We are told this appreciatively. Enthusiastically. Loudly.\n\nOwn lots of lube. Yes, good water-based lube is expensive \u2013 but you paid more for that half-gallon of premium ice cream you polished off last week, and we bet you didn\u2019t enjoy it half as much. Lube is important for good sex and essential for good safer sex. Don\u2019t be stingy.\n\nTOYS FOR ROLE-PLAYING. For tops and bottoms, every day can be Halloween. Role-playing doesn\u2019t have to involve specialized toys or costumes \u2013 imagination and creativity can certainly suffice \u2013 but we think half the fun of a role-playing scene is the trip to the thrift store beforehand. (Well, maybe a quarter of the fun.)\n\nIf you play with one role a lot, you may want to consider getting toys, props and costumes appropriate to that role. Daddies may wear big threatening leather belts. Bitch goddesses lace themselves into shiny tight corsets and spike-heeled shoes. Interrogators and rapists hide their features with masks or hoods. Pirates wear high boots and dashing shirts. Schoolmistresses have long frumpy skirts and high-necked blouses and whippy scary canes. If you like to train puppies, you\u2019ll need collars and bowls and rolled-up newspapers; if you prefer ponies, get some bridles and crops and maybe an insertable tail or two.\n\nYour role-playing costumes and props serve a dual function: they help you and your bottoms get into the mood when you\u2019re actually playing, and they signal your particular role interest to potential bottoms. So get yourself over to the thrift store or costume shop and have fun!\n\nTOYS FOR THE ROAD\n\nUnless you\u2019re prepared to haul a steamer trunk along to every play date (and some tops do exactly that), you\u2019ll probably want to think about developing a portable toy kit.\n\nOf course, \u201cportable\u201d is relative. Both of us usually use a softball bag from the sporting goods store for carrying our toys to parties and demonstrations. But we also like to be able to drop a few small toys into our purses, just in case. \n\nOne player we know uses a small zippered bag, about 8\" x 10\" x 3\", for his portable toybag. It contains a couple of lengths of rope, a mini-whip made of four leather thongs folded in half and rubber-banded together at the fold (which can also be disassembled if he or his partner wants to use the thongs individually), and a few clothespins. Safer sex is taken care of with several latex gloves in his size, a few condoms and some individual-sized packets of lubricant. Emergency supplies include a small flashlight and a pair of paramedic\u2019s shears. There\u2019s still plenty of room left over for whatever specialized small equipment he wants for any particular session \u2013 a lightweight collar, a small tube of hot cream, a mini-vibrator, a cock ring or whatever.\n\nIf you\u2019re traveling by air \u2013 and especially through customs \u2013 you\u2019ll have to do some serious thinking about what to take with you. For domestic travel, bags that get checked through as luggage aren\u2019t usually inspected closely, although these days random searches are much more common than they were when we wrote the first edition of this book. If you carry your bag onto the plane, it will be inspected \u2013 if you\u2019re carrying anything they think is dangerous, which typically includes all sharp objects, heavy striking objects like clubs and chains, and many whips, they\u2019ll take it away from you and you won\u2019t get it back. We suggest either checking your toys or having a freight service ship them ahead of you.\n\nCustoms agents for overseas travel may be very cool about your toys \u2013 or not. We\u2019ve heard some scary stories. If you\u2019re traveling to a very conservative or sex-negative country, we think you should probably stick to toys that have real-world uses: clothesline, clothespins, hairbrushes, belts, candles and so on.\n\nConsider shipping any toys you buy overseas home separately. On the other hand, on her first trip to Germany Dossie packed no toys and no studded clothes, only to discover a leather store right in the Frankfurt airport. If you have a friendly travel agent, she may be able to advise you further about whether you\u2019re likely to get hassled.\n\nMAINTAINING TOYS\n\nWell-maintained toys are clean, free of breakage or flaws, and a joy to use. Poorly maintained toys can cause injury and spread disease, and signal to the world that you\u2019re a sloppy top who doesn\u2019t care about your bottoms. You wouldn\u2019t go to a play date with dirty hair and smelly armpits; your toys deserve at least as much attention as your body does.\n\nAny toy that you suspect has come into contact with body fluids needs to be cleaned \u2013 and if you\u2019re not positive that it hasn\u2019t, clean it again. Rubber toys, metal toys and toys of manmade materials like silicone and plastic can be lightly handwashed using a cleanser like Hibiclens and warm water, then soaked for half an hour in a solution of one part household chlorine bleach to nine parts water. Leather toys should be cleaned using leather cleaner, left to air-dry for at least a day, then reconditioned, before being used on another bottom. The exact technique will depend on the type of leather; you can check with the store or craftsperson that sold it to you. Toys made of plant materials like rattan and wood should be varnished if they are likely to come into contact with various bottoms\u2019 body fluids. If such a toy gets fluids on it, clean it thoroughly with nonoxynol-9-containing toy cleanser, or with soap and water and then a liberal wipe of hydrogen peroxide. I, then rinse thoroughly (some people have sensitive skins that may be irritated by such chemicals). If you suspect that the fluids may have gotten under the varnish, sand the varnish off, do the soap-water-peroxide thing, let it dry thoroughly, then re-varnish it. It\u2019s a good idea to let any toy that is difficult to clean dry thoroughly, in the sunlight if possible, for a few weeks before using it on a different person.\n\nInspect all your toys frequently for cracks, weak spots, raveled stitching, etc. If you find a problem, fix it promptly, and if you don\u2019t have time right then, set the toy aside where it can\u2019t possibly get mixed up with the toys you might use. If a toy can\u2019t be repaired, discard it.\n\nPlay-test bondage equipment and eyebolts periodically by having someone heavy try them out. If something seems creaky or wobbly, fix it before you play with it again.\n\nSOME FINAL THOUGHTS ON TOYS\n\nAs the old saying goes, \u201cSize doesn\u2019t matter\u201d \u2013 toybag size, that is. No knowledgeable bottom judges a top on how many toys he has. Tops get judged on their skill, creativity, character and ethics, not on their stuff.\n\nIf you\u2019re a \u201cgear queer\u201d who enjoys collecting dozens or hundreds of cool toys, and you\u2019re not bankrupting yourself to do it, we applaud you \u2013 we love beautiful toys, own a lot ourselves, and have friends whose collections are practically museum-quality. You\u2019re also helping to keep our leatherworker friends, a vital link in the community, busy creating instruments of joy. But don\u2019t forget: your partner is bottoming to you, not your toys\u2026 and that\u2019s exactly the way you want it, right?\n"}
+{"input": " Write a personal account of a first-time topping experience for a seasoned bottom in a polyamorous relationship with two experienced dominants. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The background of the narrator's S/M experiences, including a recent breakup and the resumption of play with an ex-partner, as well as a relationship with a professional dominatrix.\n2. The emotional complexity and erotic tension between the three individuals, leading to the decision to engage in a group scene.\n3. The narrator's initial fear and uncertainty about the scene, followed by a newfound desire to top both of their partners.\n4. The use of role-playing and negotiation during a dinner out, with the narrator asking explicit and intrusive questions to gauge their partners' boundaries and interests.\n5. The setting of the scene at the dominatrix's home, among the toys they had been discussing earlier in the day.\n6. The narrator's specific actions and instructions during the scene, including having their partners undress each other, serve refreshments, and engage in sexual activities on command.\n7. The physical characteristics and preferences of one of the partners, and how the narrator accommodated these in the scene.\n8. The narrator's emotional response to topping for the first time, including feelings of triumph, power, and self-sufficiency.\n9. The ongoing impact of this experience on the narrator's S/M practices, and their continued enjoyment of both topping and bottoming roles.", "response": "\n\ninterlude 4\n\nA first-time topping scene played by a bottom and her friends.\n\nThis scene happened not long after I came out into S/M. I had broken up with my first S/M partner, Rick, a few months previously, and with great care and some trepidation, we had recently resumed our play relationship, with no intention of becoming partners again. Our preferred roles in scene, he the ravishing top, me the helpless bottom, fit together just about perfectly, and indeed, after this story we continued to play as friends for another nine years.\n\nAt that time I was also playing with a professional dominatrix named Celia, an intimidating relationship for me, since she had so much more experience and seemed so free and confident in her S/M. I was quite overawed.\n\nOne afternoon the three of us got together to videotape a discussion of S/M that we hoped would be useful information for people who didn\u2019t understand our sexual practices. After a few hours of talking about sex and play, the erotic tension began to mount and it became clear that all three of us wanted to play together.\n\nYou would think that a greedy girl like me would be a happy little piglet at the thought of bottoming to both of my tops, but in fact I was terrified. The emotional connections between the three of us were complicated and tender, and I could not figure out how this scene would work.\n\nWe went out for dinner, and it was there that a new vision came to me, a desire I had never before felt. I started topping both of them. Fussed over how they lit my cigarettes, felt them up under the table, sent Rick to the bathroom with a conspicuous erection. The restaurant was in the gay part of town, and the waiters understood perfectly well what was going on, and indeed, helped out by exaggerating the formality of the service and waiting patiently while Celia made sure my plate was perfectly arranged, while she pretended she was not affected by my foot exploring her crotch, again under the table. Both she and Rick were startled but eager to encourage my new behavior. I felt excited and curiously confident, as if I had entered a trance in which it was clear that nothing could go wrong.\n\nDuring dinner Rick and Celia, amazed, stayed very quiet. I kept the conversation going by asking intrusive questions: \u201cHow does your cunt feel right now?\u201d \u201cIs your ass clean for me?\u201d This is my rude and toppish version of negotiation: I make threats, the bottom(s) indicate acquiescence or limits in their responses. For instance: \u201cMy cunt is throbbing and eager for you, Ma\u2019am.\u201d \u201cMy asshole is a little sore from last night, I might have to offer it slowly and carefully.\u201d\n\nBack at Celia\u2019s place, the toys were all still spread out for the show and tell part of our video. We had been talking about them all afternoon, so I had a good idea of what might interest either of them, and where limits might be found. I made them take each other\u2019s clothes off \u2013 slowly. I interrupted from time to time to slow them down even further, instructing them to get each other as turned on as they could while each article of clothing was removed.\n\nThen I had Celia remove my panties, again slowly and sensuously, very seductive on her knees in front of me. I had to punish her for getting too eager about sniffing my cunt, slapping her upturned face while she promised to behave herself. I told her to do nothing she was not told to do.\n\nI sent her off to the kitchen for refreshments while I had Rick clear the bed and lay the toys out as I liked them. Celia served tea very prettily, on her knees, careful to give me just the right amount of sugar and cream.\n\nRick was endowed with a dick as big around as my wrist, and long enough to make taking all of it in somewhat of a challenge. He also needed to fuck quite vigorously for a long time to get off. (It\u2019s a very good thing that we like challenges.) So the meat of the scene, if you\u2019ll pardon the expression, consisted of me ordering Rick to fuck Celia, with me counting cadence, ordering them to follow my rhythm, and turning them over and over so I could flog first one exposed ass and then the other. Later Celia told me she felt as if I was fucking her, and beating her, with Rick\u2019s huge cock. That archaic word from Victorian porn, \u201cbludgeon,\u201d constitutes an perfect description of the nature of the scene.\n\nHow did I feel? Triumphant. I hadn\u2019t known I had that in me. I felt powerful and sexy and on top of the world, or at least on top of my two lovers. And I felt a fulfillment of another part of myself, grateful to discover that I could top. I could do it myself, no longer totally dependent on the energy of someone else, no longer waiting impatiently for somebody else to manifest some desire, I could make a scene happen myself. Power! Freedom!\n\nAlthough my primary role in S/M continues to be the hapless bottom, wickedly tormented, I have never given up topping. And never will.\n"}
+{"input": " Write a comprehensive guide for new tops in the BDSM community. Include the following elements:\n\n1. The importance of seeking out a community and establishing connections with other experienced tops, bottoms, and switches.\n2. The potential pitfalls of focusing solely on finding bottoms, and the benefits of developing a broad range of skills and knowledge.\n3. The role of the Internet in connecting with the kink community, including websites, newsgroups, chatrooms, and private mailing lists.\n4. The advantages and disadvantages of virtual communities, such as anonymity, access to a wide range of information and perspectives, and the potential for miscommunication or harm.\n5. The value of attending munches, leather bars, and support groups to meet other kinksters and learn about the etiquette and customs of the community.\n6. Strategies for integrating diverse communities, specifically addressing the needs and concerns of people of color in predominantly white spaces.\n7. Tips for finding quality bottoms, including the importance of continuous learning, responsible behavior, and effective self-marketing.\n8. The challenges and opportunities of introducing BDSM into an existing relationship, with suggestions for broaching the subject and addressing potential concerns.\n9. Characteristics to look for in a bottom, such as responsibility, the ability to give as well as take, discretion, self-control, and supportiveness.", "response": "\n\n12\n\nFINDING OTHERS\n\nFIRST THINGS FIRST. Many tops make what we think is a big mistake \u2013 they set out looking for bottoms, maybe only for bottoms of a particular type.\n\nWhy is that a mistake, you ask? Well, because it takes a lot more than a bottom to be a top. It takes a set of techniques that will enable you to do what you do with skill and confidence. It takes a sense of the many ways BDSM can work out in real life, as opposed to the ideas you\u2019ve probably encountered in fiction and videos. And it takes the support of a network of more experienced tops, bottoms and switches to introduce you around, help you when you encounter difficulties, and coach you on the etiquette and customs of this strange new environment. In other words, it takes a community. So when you attend your first munch or club meeting, tear your eyes away from the people who look like potential play partners, and start looking around for people who look like the kind of top you want to be, because those are the people who can help you become that kind of top.\n\nVIRTUAL COMMUNITIES. Since we wrote the first edition of this book, the Internet has become the main venue in which players from around the world can meet, flirt, make friends, exchange ideas and become part of one another\u2019s lives.\n\nIf you\u2019re reading this, it\u2019s a pretty safe bet that you\u2019ve already spent a bit of time on the \u2019Net \u2013 these days it\u2019s the first exposure many people get to the world of kink. But if you haven\u2019t, allow us to recommend that you do so immediately; if you can\u2019t afford your own computer, you can arrange to use one in a caf\u00e9 or library. Being \u2019Net-illiterate in this day and age could cost you knowledge, social opportunities and quite possibly partners.\n\nWhether you decide to explore websites, newsgroups, chatrooms, and/or private mailing lists \u2013 all of which we discussed in some detail in The New Bottoming Book \u2013 keep in mind that the virtual BDSM world has its good points and its bad points. On-line interaction is a relatively low-risk way to exchange ideas, learn new philosophies and techniques, discuss issues, ask for help with problems, experiment with different personae, and flirt with anyone who\u2019s willing to flirt back. If you use one of the Internet providers that allows you to have one or more \u201cscreen names,\u201d it\u2019s very difficult, often impossible, for anyone to find out your real identity\u2026 so if you feel too scared or shy or vulnerable to attend a real-world function, on-line interactions can be your lifeline to the kink world.\n\nOn the other hand, that very anonymity enables some people to feel less accountable for what they say or do. They can pretend to be someone they\u2019re not, since you\u2019ll have no way to find out otherwise. They can insult (\u201cflame\u201d) you, spread rumors about you, cyber-stalk you, or promise things they have no intention of delivering.\n\nSome people feel that the \u2019Net is a safer way to interact than real life (or \u201cmeat life,\u201d as \u2019Netfolk call it). In some ways it is \u2013 it\u2019s rare to come away from a chatroom with bruises or sprains. But the emotions generated by Internet debates and by fantasy play in chatrooms can be quite real and powerful; we\u2019ve both known people badly hurt by virtual interactions gone wrong.\n\nSo consider this section a caveat emptor regarding the Internet. Use it, explore it, learn from it \u2013 but always remember that you have no way of knowing whether the person you\u2019re talking to has your best interests at heart. We love the \u2019Net \u2013 well, one of us does, anyway \u2013 but we see it as a supplement to, not a substitute for, real-world interaction.\n\nMUNCHES. Munches were developed as a venue in which people who had met on the \u2019Net could get together to meet one another face-to-face; since then, they\u2019ve grown into one of the most widespread phenomena in the kink community. A munch is an event in which kinkyfolk can meet in a non-kink space \u2013 typically a restaurant, food court or bar \u2013 to socialize, flirt, cruise and generally hang out. They\u2019re usually less threatening for newcomers than parties or support groups, since most people wear street clothes and no serious play takes place. Here in the Bay Area, it\u2019s possible to go to a munch almost every night of the week, and even the smallest towns these days usually have at least a monthly munch. And where do you learn about them? On the Internet, of course.\n\nLEATHER BARS. For many decades, the primary venue for kinky gay men to form community and to look for partners has been the leather bar. These venerable institutions usually feature a fairly conventional bar space in front, and often have some sort of small play space in back.\n\nMore recently, lesbians, bisexuals and heterosexuals are finding increasing welcomes in leather bars (but check with your gay men friends about the vibe in any particular bar if you\u2019re not positive that you\u2019re welcome there). Many leather bars also help form community by sponsoring fund-raising events such as leather competitions and beer bashes to raise money for local charities.\n\nSUPPORT GROUPS. If you can, we strongly recommend that you join your local BDSM club. Many large urban communities have several clubs of different orientations (gay, lesbian, het, bi, male-top, female-top, pansexual and so on); pick one or several that suit your orientation. If the only one you can find doesn\u2019t fit you, get in touch with them and ask them what else is out there. If you\u2019re feeling shy and having a hard time making connections, offer to do some volunteer work: get out a mailing or work the door at an event. You\u2019ll meet lots of people, and help build support for people who are newer and scareder than you.\n\nIf you don\u2019t have a local club, join one of the big urban ones (at least that way you\u2019ll get to read the newsletter, and perhaps to attend an event or two during vacation time), or start your own.\n\nIf you think you are too shy to go to a support group, allow us to reassure you. Such meetings are nowhere near as threatening as you may imagine. The first Society of Janus meetings Dossie attended were held in the basement of a church: how wholesome. People at support group meetings are generally friendly and straightforward, not likely to come on with a lot of attitude or deeply in role, and what cruising there is is customarily civilized and respectful. Confidentiality is paramount \u2013 nobody is going to call up your boss or spouse and reveal your secret life, and if you run into someone from the office at the meeting... well, what is he doing there? And if your fantasy embarrasses you so much that you cannot imagine getting together in a room with other people who also have fantasies, remember that none of them can read your mind \u2013 so your privacy is ensured anyway.\n\nTHE KINK COMMUNITIES AND PEOPLE OF COLOR. Our communities are places of refuge, often the only place in our lives where we can be ourselves without shocking or enraging the people around us. We need that sense of safety, and we rely on cultural recognition signals \u2013 shared concepts, language, body language \u2013 to feel secure that we are at home among our tribe. Our community is our wildlife sanctuary where we are safe to live our wildness.\n\nSimilarly, many people \u2013 who for a variety of reasons constitute oppressed minorities within the predominant culture \u2013 have too often experienced being misread, misjudged and mistreated for being different. They rely on their own communities for a place of refuge, where it is okay to be who they are. This is particularly important for people of color, whose \u201cdifference\u201d is inexorably visible. Several people of color told us that their first impression of the BDSM community was: \u201cThere\u2019s nobody here who looks like me.\u201d\n\nSadly, since most cultures are not accepting of our sexual lifestyles, people of color often enter the kink community at the expense of their membership in their original place of refuge, the community of people-who-look-like-me.\n\nSo how can we make our wildlife sanctuary a place of refuge for everybody? Most BDSM communities are predominantly white, middle-class, relatively well educated. This poses a problem for anyone else who wants to join.\n\nIt\u2019s not enough for white people to say \u201cHey, I\u2019m not a racist, you can trust me.\u201d It\u2019s going to take a much more interactive process to truly integrate our communities. Just recently, we have been hearing from people of color who have come together to open up the discussion of race and community. This is an extremely sensitive topic, and conversations tend to get heated, so perhaps the first thing to understand about doing this work is that we all have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. We are, after all, attempting to connect in an intimate environment under the weight of centuries of brutal oppression.\n\nWhat people of color tell us is that white people need to raise their awareness of the racism that permeates our society. It is not enough to simply assume that people of color will automatically think themselves privileged to be allowed into eurocentrist environments. We all need to make room for cultural difference in our communities, for different ways of communicating, of making connection, of dealing with feelings, of generating family. That\u2019s what cultural difference is, a huge repertoire of ways of doing everything, and that is the richness that cultural diversity can bring to all of us. People of European ancestry need to be willing to get changed a little, to expand their vision, to allow difference to have an impact on them.\n\nIn preparing to write this, we spoke with a number of people of color who are creating this dialogue, and this is what they wish white people would not do. Watch out for being excessively polite: overwhelming welcome tends to be accompanied with nervous laughter, and nobody feels comfortable. Don\u2019t talk down, don\u2019t assume that just because a person is not white he is illiterate.\n\nHate words are not good jokes. White people may feel safe enough to laugh at ethnic slurs, but living as a racial minority in a white culture is far more dangerous.\n\nBeware stereotyping\u2026 especially stereotypes that turn you on. Approaching someone because you have always wanted to play with, for instance, a submissive Asian woman or a hypersexual black man, is objectifying and objectionable to the person being stereotyped. Being welcomed as an exotic is not the same as being welcomed as a person.\n\nAs marginalized outsiders, we kinksters have experience and knowledge that is unknown to those who are not sexual adventurers. Similarly, people who are marginalized, made outsiders, for reasons of racial or ethnic difference, have special and valuable wisdom. White people, in learning to listen to an outsider\u2019s perspective, gain opportunities to see themselves in new mirrors. The reflection may be difficult to look at, perhaps not flattering, and often colored with the justified anger of the oppressed. And when we hold still and listen to the wisdom of people whose experience is different from ours, then we can start to change things.\n\nAnd then we all win.\n\nOK, BUT WHERE ARE ALL THE BOTTOMS?\n\nIf you ask a bunch of bottoms, you will hear heartfelt and often bitter complaints about the scarcity of tops in the kink community. The good news (if you\u2019re a top) is that this is often true \u2013 particularly in heterosexual communities or those in smaller cities and rural environments. The other good news is that it\u2019s changing: both of us have noticed that more and more of the new young players coming into the scene are top-identified.\n\nHowever, for the time being, there are more bottoms than tops \u2013 often many more. Dossie remembers learning to top because in the women\u2019s community in which she came of age as a player, there essentially were no tops, so bottoms politely took turns topping one another so that everybody got to get played with. What that means to you, particularly if you\u2019re a heterosexual female, a lesbian or a gay man, is that you as a top are in something of a buyer\u2019s market.\n\nThat certainly doesn\u2019t mean, however, that all you have to do is lean back and casually choose from a parade of eager bottoms who are all dying to throw themselves at your feet. Quality tops get quality bottoms \u2013 it\u2019s up to you, not only to be a quality top, but to make sure your potential bottoms know it. This goal is not accomplished by boasting about your true master- or mistress-hood, or by acting pushy and bossy outside scene space in order to demonstrate your natural gift for domination, or by hauling around a bunch of toys that you had to take out a second mortgage to buy. The best tops we know are quite modest, often soft-spoken, and always scrupulously polite \u2013 until they\u2019ve finished their negotiations and the scene begins... then, watch out!\n\nSo, you ask, how do I let the world know of my wonderful toppiness without coming off like a cross between P.T. Barnum and Attila the Hun? The first suggestion we can make is that you learn as much as you possibly can, and never stop learning. Take classes. Read everything you can get your hands on (remembering, of course, to distinguish between fantasy/fiction and reality). Practice, practice, practice \u2013 if not on an eager subject, then on an inanimate object like a pillow or teddy bear, or on yourself.\n\nIT PAYS TO ADVERTISE. When you\u2019re searching for play partners or life partners, what you are doing is marketing \u2013 and if you think it\u2019s beneath your toppish dignity to market yourself, we hope you and your dignity have many happy nights together.\n\nThe first step in marketing a product is, of course, to make sure that the product is marketable. Are you technically skilled? Are you responsible? Are you flexible? Are you empathetic? Do you take good care of your physical and emotional health? If you didn\u2019t answer all of these questions with an emphatic \u201cyes,\u201d we suggest you do some close self-examination and self-improvement: all the marketing in the world won\u2019t move a product that people don\u2019t want.\n\nNext, take a look at your packaging. While it\u2019s not necessary to wrap yourself in custom leather from head to toe, a little toppish accessorizing helps catch bottoms\u2019 attention. Gay men and lesbians can use hanky and key codes as shorthand to communicate their orientations and interests, which is convenient; unfortunately, these signifiers haven\u2019t worked their way very far into the het community just yet. Since many male bottoms are also fetishists, the wearing of fetish apparel \u2013 tall boots, tight corsets, leather or rubber or PVC \u2013 is convenient code by which het female tops can communicate their interests. Heterosexual male tops can run into problems \u2013 if they look too fetish-y, women may assume they are gay and discount them as possible play partners. Still, a leather vest over a handsome silk shirt or turtleneck sweater, possibly paired with leather pants, a \u201csignificant-looking\u201d leather belt or a small whip worn on the left side, and/or a handsome pair of shiny boots, will get your message across. Various kinds of drag \u2013 schoolmaster or -mistress, pirate, cowboy, cop \u2013 will, of course, get attention from devotees of all genders and orientations.\n\nGET THE WORD OUT. Techniques used by vanilla people for partner-finding \u2013 personal ads in print media, voice mail, or on the Internet or computer bulletin boards \u2013 can also be used to good advantage by kinky folk. Some of these venues may not allow overtly kinky ads, but a little clever indirectness can usually get your point across: words like \u201ctake-charge,\u201d \u201cstern,\u201d \u201cbossy\u201d and so on, or references to favorite works of literature, are common routes. Some newspapers, deplorably, charge more for kinky ads than for vanilla ones. We suggest that you protest these policies when you find them, but if they\u2019re the only game in town, well, it\u2019s better to get the word out via a discriminatory newspaper than not to get the word out at all.\n\nThe trick to writing a good personal ad is to be as clear and specific as possible about your toppy interests while still communicating a good sense of what you\u2019re like as a person. This is true whether you\u2019re placing your own ad or responding to someone else\u2019s. We recommend that you do both.\n\nOne friend of ours says \u201cThe ideal personal ad gets exactly one response \u2013 the right one.\u201d\n\nTO CRUISE OR NOT TO CRUISE? We think singles-bar-type cruising \u2013 walking up to total strangers and asking \u201cSo, wanna get whipped?\u201d \u2013 is probably not an optimal strategy for you, unless you\u2019re very gorgeous or very self-assured. (However, neither of us has ever been bold enough to try it, so we don\u2019t know for sure.)\n\nIf you try thinking of an S/M event as more like a cocktail party than a singles bar, though, your chances will go up. One of the more successful cruisers we know says he has a seldom-fail opening line: \u201cHi, I\u2019m Mike.\u201d\n\nWhile some bottoms choose tops who are bossy, pushy and overbearing, we believe that such bottoms are likely to have trouble separating their fantasies from their realities \u2013 not a good formula for a future of safe, life-enhancing play together. The bottoms we suggest you play with are the ones you connect with at a personal level \u2013 the folks with whom you \u201cclick\u201d in terms of personality, intelligence and chemistry. And the best way to find out if that \u201cclick\u201d is going to happen is to simply be yourself \u2013 personable, honest and interesting to talk to. If you do this right, there will be plenty of time to be mean, harsh and overbearing later, after the scene has begun.\n\nThe art of cruising comes at the moment when this friendly get-acquainted chatter turns to matters more personal. If you\u2019re at a kink event, this isn\u2019t too difficult: simply ask \u201cSo, what kinds of play do you enjoy?\u201d and begin discovering whether the two of you have enough in common for further discussion. We suggest, that you not set your heart on play that very evening. If you can get your potential bottom\u2019s phone number, or a date for coffee or a meal at some other time, that will give you more opportunity to get to know her, and will probably lead to better play later. On the other hand, if you\u2019re both interested in playing right then and there, and your negotiations show no deal-breakers, then why not?\n\nIf you\u2019re at an event that is sexual but not specifically S/M in nature, we suggest you stay specific about the kinds of activities that interest you \u2013 \u201cI\u2019m into S/M\u201d is a turnoff to a lot of people who have mistaken ideas about what that means, but \u201cI enjoy bondage\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve had fun spanking some of my partners\u201d might pique someone\u2019s interest.\n\nIf you\u2019re at a nonsexual event, you have to be even more indirect. A mild, flirtatious joke about \u201cOooh, you naughty boy\u201d or \u201cHow come there\u2019s never a slave around when you want one?\u201d or \u201cShe was all tied up that day... and I couldn\u2019t find the time to untie her\u201d will give you some information about your potential partner\u2019s interests. If she flirts back, you can take the conversation onto a slightly more direct level, although we still suggest you avoid words like \u201cBDSM,\u201d \u201cdominance,\u201d \u201csubmission\u201d and \u201cpain\u201d until communication is established.\n\nINTRODUCING BDSM INTO AN EXISTING RELATIONSHIP\n\nThese tips are all very well for all those single tops out there, you say. But what if you\u2019re already happily coupled, and hoping to introduce your partner to the delights that lie within your delightfully toppish hands?\n\n\u201cSo, honey, whaddaya say tonight I tie you up and flog you within an inch of your life?\u201d is probably not a good start. Keep in mind that most people have a very inaccurate view of what BDSM and its practitioners are all about. Thus, you might do better to open the discussion by talking about a specific and not-too-scary activity that interests you \u2013 a little light bondage, some mild role-playing or a bit of sensuous spanking are often good places to start. Some couples enjoy reading erotica aloud to one another as a way to get turned on, and explore actual play later as it starts to feel safe.\n\nHe may surprise you by greeting your proposal with enthusiasm. Or he may have some concerns, which it\u2019s important that you talk through. Often, first-timers are more comfortable topping, not bottoming. You should probably go along with this plan if at all possible. Once he sees that what you have in mind is safe, exciting and fun, he may be more open to being on the receiving end.\n\nOur book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, was designed to be read by people who don\u2019t see themselves as being into kink, and might be useful for the two of you to read together. Or maybe you could go together to a program put on by your local BDSM club.\n\nIf he says \u201cAbsolutely not!\u201d you\u2019re kind of stuck. Let\u2019s face it, some people are just vanilla. If your partner turns out to be one of these, there\u2019s not much point in nagging: you will have to choose between opening up your relationship (which we encourage you to do honestly and consensually), giving up your interest in kink, or giving up your partner. One of us has had to do the latter, and it is a sad and difficult decision which we hope you never have to make.\n\nCHOOSING THE RIGHT BOTTOM\n\nWe know tops who have found lifelong joy, connection and pleasure with the right bottom \u2013 and tops who have been plunged into nightmares of guilt, self-doubt and depression by the wrong one. We want you to be in the first group. So what characteristics should you look for in a bottom? We think these are important:\n\n> \u2022 Responsibility for one\u2019s own actions. A bottom who blames you when anything goes wrong... or the obverse, a bottom who expects you to control all aspects of your scene, without any input or feedback... is not taking the proper amount of responsibility for his or her own actions. We know one bottom who, during his pre-scene negotiations, tells his tops, \u201cI want you to know that I\u2019m doing this scene with you because I want to, and because I trust you to take good care of me. If anything goes wrong, we\u2019ll work it out together; I won\u2019t lay it all on you.\u201d Not surprisingly, this bottom finds lots of play partners.\n\n> \u2022 Ability to give as well as take. Sometimes \u201cdo-me queens\u201d don\u2019t give energy back simply because they don\u2019t know how to \u2013 that problem is easily fixed by telling them. But others feel entitled to simply lie back and get done, without any desire to make sure that your needs get met. If you feel that your bottom falls into the latter category, it\u2019s time for some serious renegotiation before you burn out badly.\n\n> \u2022 Discretion. It\u2019s always tempting to enjoy hearing gossip about your fellow players \u2013 but if you hear a bottom spreading bad rumors about his or her previous tops, you might want to ask yourself what she will say about you if the relationship ends. Watch out especially for the bottom who has nothing good to say about any of her former play partners.\n\n> \u2022 Self-control. A bottom with a reputation for bad-temperedness or intoxication is probably not a safe choice of play partner. Remember, sooner or later you have to untie \u2019em.\n\n> \u2022 Supportiveness. Most bottoms will support you enthusiastically while you\u2019re acting like a top, especially if you\u2019re acting like the kind of top they like. But a good bottom will also be supportive when you\u2019re not acting like a top \u2013 when you\u2019re feeling tired, vulnerable, confused, depressed or simply untoppy. Just as it\u2019s not much fun to be someone\u2019s \u201csex object\u201d or \u201cmoney object,\u201d it\u2019s hurtful to be thought of as a \u201cpain object\u201d or \u201cdomination object.\u201d As Janet says, \u201ca top is more than life support system for a whip.\u201d\n\nAll of this \u2013 looking for and finding the right bottom \u2013 probably sounds like a lot of work. But we assure you, when she is looking up at you with that marvelous combination of fear, awe and love, all the work and struggle will recede into nothingness, and your bottom-finding time and energy will seem like the best investment you ever made.\n"}
+{"input": " Write a section for a guidebook about special cases in the BDSM community, specifically addressing the following topics:\n\n1. Novices: Explain the unique challenges and rewards of topping a BDSM virgin. Discuss the importance of going slowly, asking lots of questions, and providing support and guidance during the scene. Share a personal anecdote to illustrate the potential consequences of not being thorough in your preparations.\n\n2. Professional domination: Describe the world of professional dominants and their studios. Explain the reasons why someone might choose to see a professional dominant and the benefits of doing so. Address the issue of boundaries and what is typically considered acceptable in a professional scene. Mention a film that provides an insightful and humorous depiction of this world.\n\n3. Public play: Explain the concept of play parties and their importance in the BDSM community. Describe the typical layout of a play party space and the various types of furniture that might be found in a dungeon. Address the issue of safety and the role of dungeon monitors. Discuss the benefits of public play, including meeting new people, watching others, and feeling more okay about oneself. Emphasize the importance of responsible voyeurism and not allowing the crowd's enthusiasm to push one into doing something they'll regret later.", "response": "\n\n13\n\nSPECIAL CASES\n\nNOVICES. Do you want to bring out BDSM virgins? Topping a player who has little or no experience requires special care and commitment, and extra responsibility. The rewards are clear \u2013 a first-time fulfillment of years of fantasy can be incredibly exciting for both parties, hot stuff with heady feelings of conquest of the unthinkable. If the scene comes off well, your bottom will remember you with fond feelings forever, and you will feel like Santa Claus.\n\nOn the other hand, most often the first time we try anything, we don\u2019t do it as well as we will when we\u2019ve had some opportunities to practice \u2013 so the first scene is often anticlimactic. Novice bottoms often have extreme fantasies but find that the realities are much harder to deal with than they thought, so be prepared to stop much sooner than you\u2019d anticipated. Remember that the first time is probably not the last time\u2026 there\u2019s tons of stuff to learn to pull off your favorite fantasy, and you get all the tries you want to learn.\n\nWhat knowledge do you need to top an inexperienced bottom? If you are a novice top, and your bottom is also a novice, then go very, very slowly. You will both make lots of mistakes, and if you can accept that, you will learn from them. If you are the more experienced player, then remember that virgin bottoms will not know much about their limits, and will not know the consequences of various types of play. Dossie recalls:\n\n> I once topped a novice bottom at a party, a sweet young thing all done up in white lace, eagerly waiting to be decimated. I started slow, but this bottom liked the feel of it and worked all the way up to a heavy caning by the end of the scene. Afterward, it became apparent that she did not know that she would have bruises from such a caning, and that she had a vanilla lover at home \u2013 I will never forget to ask about marks again! I took care to drive her home, and call the next day to make sure she was all right \u2013 she was, thank goodness.\n\nSo when you top a novice bottom, be sure to ask lots of questions, so you will have the opportunity to fill in the bottom\u2019s information about what to expect. Many first scenes are, rightly, very lightweight \u2013 it is inappropriate to push limits hard when you are topping a novice. Rather, you should be prepared to be very supportive, and share in the excitement of doing something that is new for the bottom, even if you\u2019ve done it before. After all, good play is not judged by how heavy it is, but rather by how wonderful it feels.\n\nOther bottoms may go so far out in a first scene as to push the limits of experienced tops (never underestimate the power of endorphins). A friend of ours describes a scene in which he was asked to top a novice whose stated purpose was to satisfy her intellectual curiosity about S/M so she could write about it.\n\n> Our friend started out cautiously, but the bottom turned out to have an enormous pain tolerance, so soon she was wearing sixteen small but very intense clamps on her skin, and liking it a lot, and the top was starting to feel like his limits were being pushed. He removed the clamps, and spent half an hour doing various other things. Toward the end, she was kneeling at his feet and he saw a shadow pass over her face. He asked: \u201cIs there something you want to tell me?\u201d \u201cYes, Master,\u201d she replied. \u201cYou may speak.\u201d \u201cPlease, Sir, the clamp you left on my clit is beginning to hurt a little.\u201d\n\nNew players need and deserve a supportive environment in which to explore their desires and to learn how to bottom. Good tops honor and value the trust and hard work a new bottom offers to us when he struggles with a new sensation, or fulfills a role he has never played before. We can help by presenting new events one at a time, by giving novices plenty of opportunities to feel their way into an unfamiliar sensation or command, and by letting them find out what they like and don\u2019t like without fear of judgment or condemnation.\n\nWhen we watch over our novice bottoms carefully, and treat them with responsibility and respect, we get to share in the great adventure of starting down the path of kinky exploration, and to witness the blossoming of many happy little sluts and slaves.\n\nPROFESSIONAL DOMINATION\n\nThe world of professional domination is one of the highest accomplishments of the BDSM scene. A good professional dominant is a skilled and respected expert on many if not all forms of play. Many give their knowledge back to the community by teaching classes or workshops, as well as being available for actual play in negotiated sessions.\n\nThe professional dominant\u2019s studio can be an amazing site to behold. Entire houses may be full of rooms decorated and furnished to satisfy every fantasy, with much of the furniture offering practical applications for play: racks for bondage, horses for bend-over beatings, overhead winches to support the standing bottom for a flogging, specially designed bondage tables for the most complete immobilization. Many professional studios include rooms for different fantasies: the dungeon, all black and chains\u2026 the nursery for big babies, with lots of flannel and extra-large teddy bears\u2026 transformation rooms, with costumes, wigs and makeup to turn the bottom into the creature of his or her fantasy\u2026 white rooms with examining tables for playing Doctor Doom or Nurse Nasty.\n\nPaying for the opportunity to play with such an expert is considered completely acceptable by S/M community standards. A person may want to see a professional because he wants to learn from an expert \u2013 a top who is somewhat uncomfortable with bottoming but wants to learn from that experience can often arrange a scene with a professional that includes exactly what he wants in a confidential environment. A bottom may go to a professional dominant for elaborate scenes that he can\u2019t get from his partner. A bottom who loves his wife and kids, their house in the suburbs and his standing in a straight community can visit a professional occasionally without giving up the rest of his life. And money is a fair and clean exchange for fantasy play sculpted by an expert to the bottom\u2019s needs, even when the bottom needs to serve. Some professionals also offer submissives, or switch themselves, for carefully negotiated and limited scenes with customers they trust (for obvious reasons of safety, there are few professional bottoms advertising in the open market).\n\nA competent professional dominant is good at limits and boundaries. She will know which fantasies are workable in a professional relationship and which are not. It is traditional in professional scenes to include a lot of extremely wild S/M and to exclude actual sex, partly because that may fit better for the professional, and mostly because the exchange of sex for money is illegal in most states.\n\nIf you would like to know more about the world of professional domination, we recommend the excellent and hilarious English film \u201cPersonal Services,\u201d very loosely based on the career of British dominatrix Cynthia Payne, which includes wonderful depictions of parties and Christmas dinner at this house of pain.\n\nPUBLIC PLAY\n\nThe play party has become a basic institution in many BDSM communities, so basic that we have been asked if a person can explore kink at all if she doesn\u2019t want to play in public. Of course you can play without going to play parties, and many do. But public play is very popular among S/M players, so if you have fantasies of large audiences applauding and cheering your amazing sexual feats, we have a party for you.\n\nPlay parties are usually held in a space designed for that purpose, possibly a dungeon in someone\u2019s home, or the studio of a professional dominant. Other party play spaces are maintained by support groups as a volunteer endeavor, and some people make a profession of running a party house. Some clubs in major cities are set up for public S/M play, some on one night a week, some all the time. A play party space usually will have one or more dungeons equipped with furniture \u2013 one or more slings, a St. Andrew\u2019s cross, medical examination tables, bondage tables, overhead hoists, cages, and the like\u2026 occasionally even beds. Conversation in the play area is discouraged because it intrudes on the consciousness of the people who are playing.\n\nNormally there is also a social area, where food and beverages are available, where people can meet and cruise and negotiate, or come down after a scene. Most party houses have a set of rules or guidelines printed up for you, covering their expectations about everything from safe sex to responsible voyeurism, and most have dungeon monitors on duty throughout that party so there is always someone who can answer your questions. Safety is a prominent concern \u2013 what a nightmare to have to call an ambulance in the middle of an S/M orgy!\n\nThe play party provides a safe opportunity to meet people, watch how they play, explore new partners and play in a playful environment, with not so much personal commitment beyond the moment. Some monogamous couples come to watch others, socialize and to play special scenes for public display \u2013 we like to watch these scenes because couples who have played together for a long time are often very good at it, and you can see the intimacy and profound connection. People who like to watch are asked to be responsible, and keep at a non-intrusive distance. We enjoy voyeurism a lot \u2013 we get the chance to learn from what other people do, and tons of ideas and how-tos to take back to our own play. The encouragement of an eager audience helps many people push their limits \u2013 be careful not to let the crowd\u2019s enthusiasm push you into doing something you\u2019ll regret later.\n\nSeeing others play can also help us feel more okay about ourselves. Dossie says: \u201cWhen I see someone very turned on, stark naked and thrashing and looking real good, and that person is not necessarily young or thin, then I start to realize that maybe I look good when I play even if I\u2019m not built like a centerfold. And when I see other tops, taking their time, dealing with the equipment and their bottoms, going through all the effort and technical work to get a scene off the ground, and then I see that scene flying into the stratosphere, that helps me not feel like an idiot when it takes me a little time to get a scene working.\u201d\n\nWe believe that the deprivatization of sex is a radical political act. Hush-hush attitudes toward sex have generated a sick history of shame, embarrassment, guilt and self-loathing that have crippled many people \u2013 kept them from realizing their wonderful sexual selves and often decimated their entire sense of self-esteem. In BDSM in particular, coming out is often made difficult by feelings of shame and inadequacy, as well as the problem of acquiring the extensive technical information and experience that make a good top or bottom. All of these difficulties can be addressed at the play party, where the opportunity to share sex and S/M with others can be powerfully healing.\n\nWe also like the challenge of play parties. When we prepare a scene for a play party, we often put in extra effort to make something that will be powerful for us and attract an appreciative audience, and playing in public gives an edge to a scene that can help it go further, or higher, or wherever you want it to go.\n"}
+{"input": "  Write a section for a guidebook about full-time D/S relationships, addressing the following topics:\n\n1. Definition and fluidity: Define full-time D/S relationships and discuss the fluidity that exists within them, emphasizing that while the dominants in novels may express their dominance nonstop, this is not often the case in reality. Explain that successful D/S couples have a very strong ability to read each other's signals and move in and out of their dominant or submissive mindsets.\n\n2. Activities and behaviors: Describe the various activities and behaviors that full-time D/S couples engage in to manifest their way of being together. Some dominants may control their submissive's behaviors with a goal of improving their life, while others may require valuable service or enjoy training their submissives in postures, vocal mannerisms, forms of address, or types of service.\n\n3. What's in it for the submissive: Discuss the different motivations and rewards for submissives in full-time D/S relationships, such as being noticed and appreciated for their contributions or the ability to \"turn off their brain\" by becoming a pure instrument of the dominant's will.\n\n4. Contracts and symbols: Explain the purpose and importance of contracts in full-time D/S relationships, which can help both parties understand their rights and responsibilities. Contracts may cover topics such as the duration of the relationship, symbols like collars or rings, obligations, ways to communicate, agreements about sex and play with others, and disagreements.\n\n5. About collars: Discuss the significance of collars in D/S relationships, and the different interpretations and uses they may have for different individuals. Address topics such as training collars, personal collars, and collaring ceremonies.\n\n6. How to keep it fresh: Offer advice on how to maintain the excitement and passion in a full-time D/S relationship, including setting aside time for play, treating each other as you did when the relationship was new, and respecting everyone's roles.", "response": "\n\n14\n\nFULL-TIME D/S\n\nSome players live in their scene roles all the time: Master or Mistress and slave, or Daddy and boy, Mommy and girl, Mistress and dog, houseboy or french maid. In some people\u2019s eyes, living full-time is the ultimate expression of kink, complete immersion in the fantasy, making the fantasy their total reality.\n\nSometimes elaborate families are formed, where a senior top\u2019s girl might have a slave of her own, and another human may be functioning as the dog. Players form these families according to their needs, and demonstrate a startling facility to adapt to changing conditions \u2013 there\u2019s no rule that says you can\u2019t make agreements to change roles in whatever way suits you. And for those who are successful, wonderfully fulfilling and creative lives can follow.\n\nWe would like to point out that living full-time in role is not the \u201cgold standard\u201d of BDSM. We see far too many players who feel that if they\u2019re not \u201c24/7,\u201d they\u2019re somehow wrong, or not \u201creal\u201d dominants. If this doesn\u2019t sound like the way you want to live, if BDSM is a more comfortable fit in your life when you keep it in scene and drop roles the rest of the time, don\u2019t let anybody tell you that you\u2019re in any way inferior. However, if full-time BDSM does feel like a good fit for you, we encourage you to try it \u2013 starting slowly with one or two types of relatively easy power exchange, and adding new aspects of the power relationship as the old ones become habitual.\n\nIf people owning slaves or otherwise involved in relationships with a declared power inequity push your buttons, please remember that these lifestyles were consciously chosen, which may put them a step ahead of traditional marriages and the power dynamics of traditional sex roles that most people don\u2019t even think about. And role-bound relationships work well for a lot of people. Many people are relieved to have a clear idea about who is empowered to do, say or decide what, and many bottoms are quite content to let their masters or mistresses run the show.\n\nFLUIDITY. We\u2019ve been friends with many people in full-time dominant/submissive relationships. Our observation is that when we spend time with such people as friends, we rarely see them behaving in ways much different than any other couple: the day-to-day demands of running a life remain the same, and must be addressed by someone or other. And almost nobody can be in full control of everything at every waking moment \u2013 or would like to be. While the dominants in novels (and sometimes chatrooms) express their dominance nonstop, in reality this approach doesn\u2019t often work out very well.\n\nHowever, what we do see in successful D/S couples is a very strong ability to read each other\u2019s signals and a very fluid approach to moving in and out of their dominant or submissive mindsets \u2013 so the couple who at one moment is discussing someone\u2019s problems at work may at the next moment be in full dominant/submissive mode, with the dominant in complete control and the submissive completely pliable to her will.\n\nWhat kinds of signals do these people give each other to make such extraordinary transitions possible? Some might be consciously chosen, like using a particular name (\u201cboy\u201d or \u201cgirl,\u201d for example) or a particular behavior (a submissive kneeling, a dominant placing her hand on the back of the submissive\u2019s neck). Others are less conscious, more intuitive \u2013 a tone of voice, a shift in body language. Longtime D/S couples grow extremely skilled in reading such signals and responding to each other\u2019s shifting needs and desires as the moment dictates.\n\nACTIVITIES AND BEHAVIORS. What kinds of things do full-time D/S couples do to manifest their way of being together? The list can vary from one couple to the next, of course. Some dominants like to control their submissive\u2019s behaviors with a goal towards improving his life \u2013 making sure that he quits smoking or does the work he brought home for the night or gets his daily exercise. Others require that their submissive give them valuable service of some kind \u2013 maintaining the household, caring for the dominant\u2019s body or possessions, or even managing or training other submissives. Still others enjoy training their submissives in postures, vocal mannerisms, forms of address or types of service that are particularly appealing to the dominant \u2013 for example, kneeling with the knees 14\u201d apart, eyes down, back straight, while proffering a cup of coffee that\u2019s exactly the right strength and temperature and contains the perfect amount of cream and sugar.\n\nLifestyle D/S-ers have generated many clever devices to keep the submissive enslaved when the dominant is not present. The submissive may wear a collar or other symbol. You can padlock a chain around her waist, or give him instructions to go into the bathroom at work at two o\u2019clock every day and masturbate for five minutes without coming, and so on\u2026\n\nWHAT\u2019S IN IT FOR THE SUBMISSIVE? One submissive we know, who drove twice a week from her work as a housewife and mother to take care of her master\u2019s household, told us, \u201cAt home, I do the same things, and nobody notices. When I do them for my master, he notices them and appreciates them and gives me lots of positive feedback for doing them.\u201d So for at least some submissives, part of their pleasure comes from being noticed and appreciated for what they have to offer. The owner of such a slave told us, \u201cShe is the most precious thing I could possibly own, and I never forget that.\u201d\n\nFor others, the charge is just the opposite \u2013 being faceless, dehumanized, as much the dominant\u2019s possession as her furniture or toothbrush and hence unworthy of comment. For these, the ability to \u201cturn off their brain\u201d by becoming a pure instrument of the dominant\u2019s will can be both rewarding and sexy.\n\nThe fantasy may be that the dominant\u2019s will is paramout and that the submissive\u2019s needs don\u2019t matter \u2013 but in reality, a submissive whose basic needs aren\u2019t being met won\u2019t feel submissive for very long, and a dominant who\u2019s exerting her will over an unhappy submissive will find the experience hollow and frustrating. Thus, it\u2019s important that there be a good match between the dominant\u2019s style and the submissive\u2019s desires. Some dominants prefer to manage their submissive\u2019s behaviors very closely, giving orders for each behavior they want; these dominants may do best with submissives who prefer to be pliable and will-less while in their submissive space. Others want submissives who can anticipate and meet their needs, and these may do best with submissives whose charge comes from caretaking and appreciation.\n\nCONTRACTS AND SYMBOLS. There are many ways to do full-time BDSM relationships, and one way that people get clear about what they are doing is to write a contract, often called a slave or ownership contract, in which the rights and responsibilities of both parties are spelled out.\n\nWhy a contract? You might think that when you own someone they just do what you want all the time. Well, there are always limits, and if your bottom\u2019s limits offend you, remember that you probably have limits of your own. For instance, when you own a slave, does that mean you have to be lean and mean and in top role twenty-four hours a day, or do you get to relax now and then? If you have a little boy or girl, do you have to get up in the middle of the night when your \u201cbaby\u201d has bad dreams? Are you contracting to provide income for both of you, or who goes to work and how do they do it? Contracts also normally cover agreements about monogamy and nonmonogamy: are both parties monogamous? If not, what are their responsibilities to each other? Can the top give the slave away to someone else? Can the slave ask to be given to someone else?\n\nMany \u201ccontracts\u201d are simply props, documents designed to turn people on but not to convey much real information. The contracts we\u2019ve seen that actually worked well as relationship blueprints are fairly detailed documents that spell out both the submissive\u2019s and the dominant\u2019s responsibilities toward the relationship. The contract may include any or all of the following:\n\n> \u2022 The duration of the contract. Many couples start with a relatively short contract \u2013 a few weeks or a month \u2013 then, as they learn more about one another\u2019s needs and limits, may adjust and extend the contract for longer periods of time.\n\n> \u2022 Symbols. If the relationship includes the use of symbols such as collars or rings, the contract may dictate when and how these are to be worn.\n\n> \u2022 Obligations. What kinds of service must the submissive agree to provide, and under what circumstances? In what ways does the dominant agree to take care of the submissive \u2013 financially, emotionally, physically? In what ways is the submissive expected to take care of himself? Is S/M play expected or optional? How about sex?\n\n> \u2022 Ways to communicate. If one or the other partner has something to say that cannot be said within the confines of their role, how and when can they communicate that? Will the partners set aside a certain time, place or medium in which \u201camnesty\u201d applies and they can communicate clearly without reprisal? There are many creative ways to accomplish communication in role without resorting to manipulation. One Mistress of our acquaintance has her slave write a journal entry onto the computer every morning, with orders to include information about his state of well-being, his emotional reality and any problems he might be experiencing. She can then read what he wrote, and decide on her response, without breaking role unless she chooses to.\n\n> This is also the area in which you will discuss code words and safewords. While long-time D/S couples often find that they have come to read each other well enough that they no longer need safewords very often, we suggest keeping at least one safeword in place in case of genuine emergency \u2013 if you\u2019ve never seen your submissive have a heart attack before, you may have trouble figuring out that her gasps for breath aren\u2019t issuing from unbridled lust.\n\n> \u2022 Agreements about sex and play with others. The contract may include agreements about what kinds of activities may and may not take place outside the relationship, and under what circumstances \u2013 both for the dominant and for the submissive. One contract we\u2019ve seen does not allow the submissive the freedom to come without the dominant\u2019s permission, but gives the submissive five \u201cget out of jail free\u201d cards each month, in which she has sexual liberty for a brief period of time. Contracts should also include clearly stated agreements about safer sex standards.\n\n> \u2022 Disagreements. If there\u2019s a serious and real problem between the dominant and the submissive, how will this be handled? Is there an outside person who both parties trust who can help listen and mediate any problems?\n\nABOUT COLLARS. For some people, a collar is at least as meaningful as a wedding ring; for others, it\u2019s simple decoration, no more meaningful than a necklace. We think it\u2019s safe to say that for most people in D/S relationships, the collar is a potent and meaningful symbol.\n\nBut what does it mean? That depends on your own desires and those of your submissive. Some dominants like to keep one or two \u201ctraining collars\u201d around to use during casual or short-term play, then buy a personal collar for a submissive when their relationship deepens and lengthens \u2013 it\u2019s not uncommon for a couple to celebrate the initiation of their contract with a collaring ceremony.\n\nIf you are contemplating giving someone a collar, we suggest the two of you have a long talk about what it signifies to each of you \u2013 this isn\u2019t an area in which disagreements typically work out very well. Other good things to discuss are when the collar is and is not to be worn: some people who work in straight jobs have special collars which look like ordinary jewelry but have special significance to them and their dominants, and which can be worn to the office or to dinner at Mom\u2019s.\n\nIt\u2019s also a good idea to get clear on who owns the collar. While in ordinary vanilla etiquette, a gift belongs to the recipient, many dominants feel strongly that they own their submisive\u2019s collar, and that it should be returned when and if it is no longer in use. This won\u2019t typically be an issue as long as the two of you are together, but if the relationship ends, a misunderstanding on this subject can cause unnecessary hard feelings.\n\nHOW DO YOU KEEP IT FRESH?\n\nBoth of us have seen more than a few lifestyle couples come to painful disgreements, sometimes even a complete parting of the ways, when the dominant loses interest in play or sex, and the submissive begins to feel burned out or exploited. This is a common enough pattern that we suggest you take steps to make sure it doesn\u2019t happen to you.\n\nIt\u2019s not a bad idea to include in your contract, if you have one, some provisions for how often play will happen in the relationship \u2013 and then stick to them. Obviously, we all go through periods when we\u2019re feeling sick, depressed or overworked, and it\u2019s reasonable to allow yourself some downtime in your contract. But if for some reason you\u2019re not feeling like playing at all, ask yourself why: are your needs not being adequately met? Is there something you\u2019re missing that your play should be providing and isn\u2019t? Or is something missing that can\u2019t be taken care of in play, that needs to be addressed by you and your partner dealing with each other as equals? If you\u2019re suppressing anger, frustration, sadness or other difficult emotions, it\u2019s unlikely that you\u2019ll be up for frequent or hot play.\n\nIt can be difficult to view your submissive with the thrill of domly lust you felt when you first met him; after all, may of us love novelty. But lifestyle couples can benefit by the same advice often given to vanilla couples: treat each other the way you did when your relationship was new and passionate. When you\u2019re going to spend time with your submissive, be as present for him as you can: take time to prepare yourself physically and mentally so that you\u2019re as sexy and dominant as you know how to be. Touch each other often. Remember the things that made you think he was so hot in the first place. Think of new ways to express your feelings toward him, and that he can express his feelings toward you \u2013 after all, one of the perks of being a dominant is that you can demand what you want.\n\nWe observe that people who do well at lifestyle relationships usually have very clear boundaries, even if they don\u2019t call them that, and can readily describe how they know when they are in and out of role, or which roles, or how deeply. They tend to be good at signals, and slide in and out of role with facility. They have respect for everybody\u2019s roles, submissives and dominants alike, and take pride in playing their part well. The reward is the opportunity to delve into yourself with tremendous intensity and manifest your dominant persona in a very complete way \u2013 to be truly the master or mistress of your own domain.\n"}
+{"input": " Write a section for a guidebook about \"Shadow Play,\" which delves into deep psychological territory in BDSM scenes. Address the following topics:\n\n1. Definition and purpose: Define shadow play and explain its purpose in BDSM scenes. Discuss how shadow play can be used to explore parts of ourselves that we may have previously been aware of only in deep shadow and how it can help us push our emotional limits.\n\n2. The Shadow: Describe Carl Jung's concept of the Shadow, a realm of the mind that shuts away thoughts, memories, and feelings that we have forbidden to consciousness for one reason or another. Explain the function of the Shadow and its role in our individual histories, family notions, and social and cultural paradigms.\n\n3. Playing in the Shadow: Discuss the various scenarios that can be considered shadow play, such as rape scenes, emotions like rage or misery, and personal traumas like child abuse, molestation, or rape. Explain that the charge each individual feels about a particular scenario is what makes it deep and that playing in the Shadow can be hot, intriguing, and sexy.\n\n4. The bottom's perspective: Discuss the motivations for bottoms who choose to engage in shadow play, such as becoming a warrior by surviving an ordeal, conquering from the bottom, and finding emotional strength to deal with oppression. Explain that the bottom gets to write the script, choose the outcome, and be received as beloved and desirable.\n\n5. The top's perspective: Discuss the challenges and fears that tops may face when engaging in shadow play, such as worrying about hurting their bottom's feelings, being seen as racist or sexist, and bearing the guilt of their ancestors or shame for their privilege. Explain that playing with cultural trauma offers the opportunity for tops to meet their internalized abuser and find out what their own hooks are to that role.\n\n6. Playing with cultural trauma: Discuss the attraction to playing with cultural trauma, such as war, genocide, torture, and enslavement, and how it can be a constructive way of dealing with a history of oppression. Address the controversy surrounding this type of play and the importance of respecting each other's feelings and boundaries.\n\n7. How to do it: Provide guidelines for negotiating shadow play scenes with extreme care, showing respect for safewords, checking in more often than usual, and establishing mutual respect, regard, and affection before and after the scene. Discuss the importance of choosing a script with an appropriate distance or closeness to the actual experience and the use of stereotypes as archetypes or iconic roles.\n\n8. Aftercare: Explain the importance of planning for aftercare for all parties involved in the scene, as everyone is playing into their own shame and their own Shadow. Discuss the need for time after the scene to talk, to check in the next day, and to talk again a few days later to see how things are shaking out.\n\n9. Public play: Discuss the appropriateness of shadow play scenes in public play parties and the need to respect the limits of those who haven't consented to play with us. Explain that it can be hard to predict what is and is not okay with others around us and that we need to negotiate as best we can to make room for everyone's needs and respect everyone's vulnerabilities.\n\n10. Healing: Discuss the potential for healing and transformation through shadow play, using the example of a black woman and a white woman who lived together in a full-time owner-slave relationship and eventually stopped playing such scenes once they had learned what they needed to know. Emphasize that when we bring the horrors of history out of the Shadow and into clear consciousness, we can begin to heal our histories and ourselves.", "response": "\n\n15\n\nSHADOW PLAY: DARKSIDE S/M\n\nWHAT IS IT? Shadow play is our name for scenes that delve into deep psychological territory. It is our understanding that all BDSM involves explorations of parts of ourselves that we may have previously been aware of only in deep shadow. As you learn your emotional limits, you may find yourself wanting to push those limits by deliberately setting up an scene to travel in forbidden territory. Such scenes may involve emotions like rage or misery that can cause dysfunction if allowed to run free in our real lives. Adopting parent/child roles is often deep play, as is playing out personal trauma like child abuse, molestation or rape. Some players may use a scene to explore historical social oppression, like slavery, witch-burnings, the Inquisition or the Holocaust.\n\nDossie had a powerful experience of reclaiming a piece of her history after the scene with Janet that we told you about before, where Dossie was a poor waif in a Victorian workhouse. She recalls:\n\n> Janet had cleverly gotten around my limit about playing with punishment by caning me \u201cto show you what would happen if you ever did do something you shouldn\u2019t.\u201d My role required nothing of me but to whimper and be pathetic for about three hours, a feeling I found to be curiously luxurious. Wondering about this the next day brought to mind a time in my life when I really was pathetic \u2013 in my early twenties I had to leave a violent partner when I was pregnant, with just about no resources. I used to hang out at this ecumenical ministry in the Haight because they gave me free yogurt, which for a few weeks was my primary source of protein. I\u2019m sure I looked pretty pathetic to them, but that\u2019s not how I felt. I was furious at myself, blaming myself for having gotten into this situation in the first place, and I was ferociously determined to be strong enough to pull my life back together and raise my baby, which I did. I couldn\u2019t afford to be pathetic back then. It took an S/M scene 25 years later to bring me to compassion for my younger self and become able to empathize with how pathetic my situation really was. The scene gave me permission to give myself comfort, which I found very healing. Now when I remember that time in my life I no longer feel ashamed.\n\nThe Shadow. Our experience in the aftermath of that scene, which we played while we were writing this book, also led us to coalesce a theory about how S/M works as a healthy drive toward healing and integrity. Carl Jung envisioned the human psyche kind of like this diagram, only more dynamic, of course. The Conscious mind is what we are familiar with: me at my computer, you holding this book. The Preconscious is about what we are only partly, or perhaps occasionally aware of, like dreams, or fantasies, or long-ago fuzzy memories \u2013 images and ideas that come and go like the tide. The Unconscious mind is that reservoir of instincts, archetypes, primal process that shows up in our dreams and desires, but of which we are only indirectly aware. And Jung placed the spiritual sense, which he thought of as the Collective Unconscious, at the very bottom of that ocean.\n\nHe also posited a realm of the mind, sometimes conscious, often not, called the Shadow, drawn in this diagram like an iceberg floating on the sea. We all know that the part of the iceberg that we can see is only the smallest part. Jung thought the function of the Shadow was to shut away thoughts, memories and feelings that we had forbidden to consciousness for one reason or another. This forbidding happens not only in our individual histories, but in our family\u2019s notion of what is and is not okay to discuss or acknowledge, and in our social and cultural paradigms of the same. An example for many of us would be the taboo against talking about sex, or even being aware of sexual energy except under very restricted conditions.\n\nIndividually, we may banish memories of trauma, embarrassment, fear, awareness of the less acceptable parts of ourselves \u2013 needy, yearning, pushy, cruel. We may banish desires we have been taught are inappropriate. And we may banish feelings that have been so scary, or responded to in such a negative fashion, that we decided, perhaps when we were too small to be making adult sense, that we must never feel that particular way again. Forbidden emotions sent to the deep freeze commonly include pathos, anger, shame, terror, villainy and victimhood. Starting to sound familiar?\n\nSo our thesis is that it just might be that our kinky desires, the drives that lead us to enact our dark and dangerous fairy tales, may very well be the longing to reunite with a part of ourselves that we have lost in the Shadow. Perhaps we yearn to bring that part back into consciousness, in the validating presence of another who can mirror us, and in this terrible state find us desirable. As we eroticize these tales from our own deepest personal mythology, we inject our self-rejection with the healing energy of the life force, with Eros, and confirm our newly enlarged sense of self with the affirmation of orgasm. As we welcome back our own lost parts, we become more whole \u2013 increase our integrity \u2013 with the healing power of S/M.\n\nPLAYING IN THE SHADOW. The charge that each of us as individuals may feel about a particular scenario is what makes it deep. Many of us play rape scenes, and more than a few of us have actually been raped, so for some a rape scene is very deep play, searching for understanding, catharsis, healing or resolution.\n\nPlay can be deep for the top or the bottom or both. If we reenact a scene of abuse, it is not only the bottom who may be playing deep. Survivors of child abuse frequently carry with them what they learned from the adults, engraved into their psyches as the internalized abuser. Tops may experience profound emotion in playing the role of molesting bully or punitive parent.\n\nPeople are attracted to playing in their shadows because it is very hot, intriguing, sexy. Please don\u2019t think that we are robots doomed to reenact the dysfunctions of our childhoods over and over without release, but rather that we seek out opportunities to struggle with these conflicts so that we have a chance to make the story come out differently.\n\nIf we let these desires drive us without our awareness, they may manifest in destructive ways. This is why we may repeatedly pick the partner who makes us the craziest. Dossie used to express this desire by hunting down rough trade in the streets of New York (she found lots of it, too); Janet used to have such a profound need to be needed that she drove herself and her partners crazy by insisting that they need her even when they didn\u2019t. We find it a lot safer and more constructive to play out our old tapes with full awareness, within the boundaries of a scene. We can relive our old dramas to our heart\u2019s content, only this time we control the outcome. In this lies empowerment, with great potential for healing and transformation.\n\nPLAYING WITH CULTURAL TRAUMA\n\nSome of us like to play with cultural trauma, take the scripts for our psychodrama from the horrors of humanity\u2019s more brutal histories: war, genocide, torture, enslavement. The Holocaust, African slavery, the Spanish Inquisition, the rape of Nanking. These scenes are more than merely hot. They can be a constructive way of dealing with a history of oppression of our ancestors, our class, our race \u2013 or, for that matter, a history of being the oppressor. More dirt to dig up from the Shadow and plow into fertilizer for new roses.\n\nPlaying with cultural themes is highly controversial. Many people, including many S/M players, are of the opinion that no one should play with these ugly realities. Some see such play as insulting, or belittling to their serious struggle to heal from historical oppression and to refuse to be victimized in the present. History offers us many emotional minefields, and a lot of us don\u2019t want to have our buttons pushed, because we don\u2019t want that particular kind of overwhelming emotional pain happening in our sexual sanctuary.\n\nPlaying with the horrors of history brings up all our current struggles with racism, sexism, classism and so on. Bringing historical play into the S/M arena also challenges the secrecy and mistrust that oppressed people use, for good reasons, to protect themselves in potentially hostile social environments \u2013 which means letting go, for the sake of the scene, of some very crucial defenses. For those of us dealing with racism and the history of slavery in the United States, the issues of submission and dominance are especially loaded.\n\nEverybody has a right to protect their feelings. If you don\u2019t want to enter into playing with cultural trauma, we support you in that choice. And if you do want to travel in that difficult territory, we support you too.\n\nWHAT IS THE ATTRACTION? The horrors of history comprise our cultural Shadow, and many of us are drawn to it just as we\u2019re drawn to our individual and family Shadows \u2013 like finding yourself sucking on an aching tooth. The motivations might be something we discover in our fantasies, or out of curiosity \u2013 what might it be like to go there on purpose, how would it come out? Or the sense that there\u2019s something in that Shadow that we need to know, and a willingness to deal with the consequences. Maybe we want to face our fears, get pushed into seeing, find our power, transform pain into wisdom. Maybe that sexual draw represents the need to bring that terrible history into consciousness, in clear focus, to end repression and start healing.\n\nFROM THE BOTTOM. If you choose to bottom to a script based on cultural trauma, you may be aiming at becoming a warrior by surviving an ordeal, conquering from the bottom by having the emotional strength to deal with oppression, finding out how your ancestors survived. Conquering might mean feeling free to cry for a long time, or beg for mercy, or it might mean stoicism, surviving. It most certainly could involve coming face to face with your own internalized oppression, your own racism. We all have racism, even those of us who are oppressed by it. Playing with it could bring about dissociation, flashbacks, open up wellsprings of rage, and it\u2019s possible to fall into really believing in the moment that the top is angry, despising, sees you as less than human.\n\nRemember, you get to write the script, you get to choose the outcome. You get to conquer, and you get to be received, in the full emotional complexity of all this, as beloved and desirable.\n\nFROM THE TOP. Very scary. As a general rule, in any kink grouping there are a lot more eager victims than there are Simon Legrees. So how would you feel if your friend asked you to call her a nigger? A filthy Jew? A faggot? Tops worry about hurting their bottom\u2019s feelings, being seen as racist or sexist, bearing the guilt of our ancestors or shame for our privilege. And what if we like it? What if we get turned on by playing this horrible person?\n\nFor the top, playing with cultural trauma offers the opportunity to meet our internalized abuser. We all have one: it\u2019s not if you discover your precious inner bully, it\u2019s when. When you play the oppressor as a gift to your bottom, you will find out what your own hooks are to that role. When tops invoke the spirit of bigotry or brutality, what shocks us is how real it can get, how strongly we can feel it. Are we willing to be conscious of that?\n\nJanet recalls what it felt like to play a sexist brute:\n\n> I felt myself in the teeth of the fantasy, hurtling as if I were on a steep ski slope, unintentional space opening up before me. The momentum of the scene took me skidding into dark, unexplored, frightening territory.\n\nAnd let\u2019s not assume, as we talk about this, that all the bottoms are members of an oppressed minority, or that all the tops are white and middle-class. What would it be like to be an African-American topping a slavery scene? Or a revenge fantasy? Or a German pretending to be a victim of the Holocaust?\n\nHOW DO YOU DO IT? Negotiate with extreme care, follwing the suggestions in the next section on emotional safety for deep scenes. Expect a deep emotional charge for both bottom and top. Show a lot of respect for safewords \u2013 you may need them. Tops should check in more often than usual, because if the scene really begins to roll, the bottom may forget that there is a safeword, or that there is any consensuality at all. And remember, both top and bottom are playing into shame \u2013 so before and after, outside the scene, you want to be very sure to establish mutual respect, regard and affection.\n\nWhen you are choosing your script, think about the distance or closeness your scenario holds to your actual experience. For most people, further away in history feels safer \u2013 so a scene from the Spanish Inquisition may feel less terrifying than one from the Holocaust. Some people choose to play with someone else\u2019s cultural trauma rather than their own.\n\nDo remember, when choosing your historical horrors, that you get to do this more than once. So select something relatively easy for the present, and if all goes well, you can take on something more challenging next time. Leaping off cliffs is optional.\n\nThe characters we play in these scenes are usually stereotypes. While stereotyping is an active form of societal oppression, stereotypes in scenes are more like archetypes, the icon of the oppressed or oppressing person. The roles act as containers, boundaries that say very clearly, \u201cThis is not who I am all the time.\u201d\n\nStereotypes, especially as you are starting up the scene, can easily look more like caricatures, and you may have a hard time keeping a straight face. Just ride it, continue, and let the turn-on gradually draw you into the drama.\n\nAn important point of negotiation: white people can\u2019t really initiate racial scenes, at least not with anybody they don\u2019t know really really well. A question arises for the bottom: would I want to bottom to someone I suspect is genuinely racist, sexist, a conscious oppressor? Or for the top: If I truly believe in some other people\u2019s inferiority, is it okay for me to play this out in scene? We hope not. Ideally, the top is pretending to be an oppressor that she doesn\u2019t identify with.\n\nAFTERCARE. Plan on aftercare for both or all parties. Everyone in this kind of scene is playing into their own shame and their own Shadow, everyone is terribly vulnerable. Plan for time after the scene, and to talk the next day, and to talk again two or three days later, to see how things are shaking out. If you are partners who live together, it is particularly important to set aside time for these discussions. Making assumptions that everybody is fine is dangerous. It can also be helpful to have some neutral friends that you didn\u2019t play with who you can talk to.\n\nPUBLIC PLAY. Cultural trauma scenes are not always appropriate for public play parties. We need to respect the limits of those who haven\u2019t consented to play with us, and who have no way to close their ears to shouted slurs. It can be hard to predict what is and is not okay with others around you. And sometimes this can feel like another kind of oppression, when your fellow perverts think your particular scene is disgusting. There is, in our opinion, no one right way to deal with public reaction to highly charged scenes. The problem is not simple, and all we can really do is negotiate as best we can to make room for everybody\u2019s needs, and respect everybody\u2019s vulnerabilities.\n\nHEALING. Many years ago, we knew a black woman and a white woman who lived together in a full-time owner-slave relationship in which the white woman was the master. They were healthy, happy people, proud of their partnership; eventually they moved to the country to bear and raise their child. Some years later, we had the opportunity to talk with the top in this relationship, and, knowing they were still together, ask how the slavery question had worked out. She told us that her lover had, after some years, learned what she needed to know from playing into the history of slavery and gotten the healing she was seeking, so they stopped playing such scenes. Now, still together and raising their child, they play other games.\n\nWhen we painfully seek a deep emotional experience of enslavement, oppression, terror and helplessness, when we bring the horrors of history out of the Shadow and into clear consciousness, when we light up those terrible shadows with love, determination and the sweet fire of erotic energy, we can begin to heal our histories and ourselves.\n\nDEEP EMOTIONAL SAFETY\n\nIn a previous chapter we told you how to handle psychological emergencies that might come up when your play accidentally sets off somebody\u2019s emotional land mines. In shadow play, you go into that same territory on purpose, and these skills will be your safety net, enabling you to get back out whenever you want to, no matter how deeply you have gone in.\n\nThis is advanced play, and we do not advocate shadow play with new partners or with unfamiliar physical techniques \u2013 this is no time to fumble. And let us remind you that just as we deplore values that add up to a hierarchy of hip about heaviness in stimulus play, there is no status value in playing deeper than the next guy \u2013 play at the depth that feels right to you.\n\nThere are still limits, there are always limits \u2013 but it may be trickier figuring out what they are. Both of us, for example, have limits about face-slapping because our parents used to do that, so we only allow face-slapping in scenes that are planned to be deep. Janet tells potential tops, \u201cIf you slap my face I may come unglued; don\u2019t do it unless you\u2019re willing to help put me back together again.\u201d Punishment for real or imagined naughtiness may be hot for one player, too sensitive for another.\n\nYou may discover a limit you didn\u2019t know you had. Dossie remembers:\n\n> My partner had been playing Mommy to my very young baby, personae that we had fooled around with while snuggling, but never in an actual S/M scene. When we discussed playing a scene with the baby, we decided that it was too scary to hurt her, but that sex might be okay. In scene, I got deeply into my baby role, being fed ice cream, playing with toys, sucking on everything. When we progressed to the sexual part, though, I got confused, overwhelmed and profoundly disturbed. I began to cry in a strange and mournful way, and my partner responded by stopping the sex and comforting me. What I got from the scene was that the baby was not big enough to have sex, and that, since my family was very stern and intolerant of crying children, it was incredibly healing to be comforted when I was upset, with no justifications needed. So in one way this scene was a disaster, and in another way it was a healing experience. A new outcome, and a chance to reclaim a part of myself: the baby who wasn\u2019t allowed to cry. In case you were worried, the baby is fine and just learned to say \u201cdoggie.\u201d\n\nWhen you play with emotional risk, plan to spend some time talking about feelings. Honor your feelings, whatever they may be, as the scene reveals them to you \u2013 there is no way that you are \u201csupposed\u201d to feel.\n\nAlso remember that you already have psychological defenses that have been protecting you from your own painful stuff. S/M technique may bypass these defenses for a while, but will not disable them. Your normal defenses will return in due time and continue to protect you as well as they always have. Above all, stay conscious and respect the fragility with which you are playing. Deep scenes connect to unmet wants we had long since given up hope of ever fulfilling: take care to honor the terrible vulnerability of yearning. Shadow play requires a commitment from all players to serious exploration, and a willingness to give that exploration the time, energy and respect it deserves.\n\nHOW DO YOU DO IT?\n\nSo you have inklings of some part of yourself that you or your partner wants to explore. The next question becomes: how do you get there?\n\nIf you discovered this space in play by accident, you can return by the same route that got you there in the first place: a role, a script, a costume, a phrase, a whipping or whatever. You might be surprised to find it less scary this time \u2013 when you make the choice to walk a risky path, you are much more in control, and it\u2019s amazing what the light of consciousness can do to defuse old fears.\n\nYou may already have a script in mind, an old fantasy, something you read that turns you on. A lot of S/M erotica has the primal intensity of myth, because fantasies often express the dynamics that run our unconscious minds.\n\nIf you want to build a fire, first you should build a fireplace. Negotiate. Talk a lot. Obsess a little. Put out your limits, make a place for your bottom\u2019s limits. This could be your story, or your bottom\u2019s, but you both need to be safe. Talk about fears, fantasies of what might go wrong. Talk about safewords, and what you will do if something in the scene doesn\u2019t work out, a fallback position. Remember that practice makes perfect, and if you try something that doesn\u2019t work, you will both be more experienced the next time. Don\u2019t forget to negotiate time for closure, connection, the gradual return to everyday reality. Negotiate how you will deal with any aftershocks: a phone call? A dinner later in the week?\n\nBEGINNING. Negotiate how you are going to start. You can approach psychological depths by going through old wounds, reenacting abuse, becoming parent, child, perpetrator, bully, brat, crybaby and vicious schoolmarm. You can act out forbidden feelings \u2013 angry, amoral, cruel \u2013 and their equally forbidden opposites, pathetic, needy, frightened, ashamed. Physically, you might gather up the power with bondage, a collar, a blindfold, the order to kneel. Find the feelings that are most powerful for you by going for the juice, the charge, the place where your emotions are strong and scary: this is your fire. You built your fireplace when you negotiated your scene, so you are safe, and you can explore one step at a time. To increase the intensity, you can make heat with friction, tension, resistance \u2013 pushing against each other to amplify, blow up flames from coals.\n\nMIDDLE. What do you do when you get into those intense roles and feelings? Let your physical script support you. For instance, if you and your bottom have agreed on a flogging, as the heat rises you can imagine running your intense feelings down your arm and out the end of the whip into your bottom \u2013 believe us, she will feel it, and you will too.\n\nYou can use any activity as a focus for your energy, and to get more fully into your role. You know your bottom: limits, preferences, what gets the endorphins running, what arouses, what triggers an orgasm.\n\nWho says you have to be consistent? Tops can play from multiple positions in the same scene, from torture, wickedness and betrayal to support, love and nurturance. We see no contradiction in a big bad mean top who has just tortured some poor bottom, now patting that bottom on the back while murmuring \u201cthere, there, poor baby, you\u2019re all right now.\u201d The inquisitor who tortures the sinner must have great love to go to such lengths to save that immortal soul, right?\n\nTechniques of interrogation can be used to confuse and liberate the bottom by generating a double-bind, like ordering someone to tell the truth as you insist that he lie, just like real brainwashing. For betrayal, you can make your bottom struggle to meet your demands and then punish him for succeeding. The ways to create no-win situations for mindfuck are endless, and most of them are based on intensely polarized contrast between hurting and caressing.\n\nENDING. We empower ourselves when we replay old scripts and arrange for them to come out differently. Ideally, all scenes end in a win for both players. The successful completion of a scene gives feelings of competence, mastery, control and empowerment, and as the top you can reinforce those feelings in your bottom by offering praise for how well she took the sensations, or followed your orders, or by letting your bottom know how good you feel, how turned on you are. He can tell you how wonderful you are too.\n\nMost of what we dig up from our shadows consists of feelings or roles that we have some shame about, so sharing that piece of ourselves is powerfully intimate. We are letting another person into a part of ourselves that we ourselves may have rejected. And when that person accepts us, complete with our old tapes, and responds with erotic enthusiasm, then we get the ultimate validation: love given to the part of ourselves that we may fear the most.\n\nYou close a deep scene just as you close any other scene, only make sure you do it. Don\u2019t skimp on time and energy for the return trip to the so-called real world. When you prepare for voyaging in the shadows, discuss how much time you will have afterwards, if anyone thinks he may want time alone, if you will sleep together, whatever feels most comfortable. Do allow lots of time for snuggling and good feelings, and do check back in over the next several days so you both can talk about any aftershocks you may experience.\n\nWHAT ABOUT THERAPY? Does deep psychological play make the top into a therapist? Emphatically not. Shadow play can be therapeutic, and indeed healing, but is very different from a therapeutic relationship. Ideally, your relationship with a professional therapist is an island where you can explore your inner truth with no consequences in the rest of your life. A BDSM scene is also an island, but with very different rules and boundaries.\n\nIf you find yourself digging up a profound conflict, maybe in the form of intense emotions, panicky feelings or flashbacks to old trauma, you might well want to seek therapy, whether or not you plan to play with this dynamic in S/M. When an old conflict opens up, there is opportunity for healing, and therapy will not only protect your partner from having to be your therapist, but will allow you to work on your issues at a time that is very likely to be profitable for you. In the Resource Guide, you will find a website that lists BDSM-friendly therapists and a couple of books that can help you find and talk to one.\n\nSHADOWS AND REBIRTH\n\nThere is a Native American medicine story about Crow who dances between the worlds. At one time Crow became fascinated with her shadow. She could not leave it alone. She kept looking at it, scratching it, poking at it, pecking it, until her shadow woke up and came to life. Then Crow\u2019s shadow ate her.\n\nIn this story, Crow gets chewed up to emerge transformed, with the ability to travel between the everyday world and the spirit world. Many myths feature heroes and heroines who travel into the shadows, get destroyed and then reborn, transformed and enlightened by the experience. These stories warn that travel in the shadow is both dangerous and rewarding. We have written here what we know about how to travel as safely as possible in your precious darkness. If your intuition tells you that this kind of play does not feel safe or growthful to you, we suggest that you trust your inner wisdom and refrain. Perhaps later you may feel differently, and perhaps you will not. Perhaps another path will work better for your journey to self-knowledge.\n\nOnce again, all BDSM play is shadow play \u2013 when we play together, we find acceptance for emotions and behaviors that would be unacceptable outside scene space. And we believe that all play is potentially, and potently, healing and growthful. When we venture purposefully into our darkest shadows, we get to write our own script, determine the outcome, validate forbidden and rejected parts of ourselves, reclaim parts of ourselves that we had lost or buried, and find ways to grasp all the parts of ourselves, every single one, in a profound act of self-acceptance through which we may become whole.\n"}
+{"input": " Write a section for a guidebook about \"S/M Spirituality: From the Top\" that covers the following topics:\n\n1. Introduction to S/M spirituality: Explain the idea that sex is spiritual and discuss how sexuality can be a path to question individual and social programming. Mention the role of sexuality in healing from childhoods and a sex-negative culture.\n\n2. Michel Foucault's insights: Briefly discuss Michel Foucault's insights into the relationship between power and sex and how attempts to distinguish specific \"sexualities\" are an artifact of a culture that fears and fences off sex, especially unusual sex.\n\n3. The Collective Unconscious and the Shadow: Describe Carl Jung's concept of the Collective Unconscious and the Shadow, the dark and scary reservoir of everything we have decided to banish from our awareness. Explain how the Shadow becomes the gateway to travel deeper into universal consciousness or spiritual awareness.\n\n4. S/M ritual as a spiritual path: Define ritual S/M as edge play directed towards attaining altered states of consciousness and discuss the goals of such scenes, such as seeking guidance, pursuing personal truth and understanding, or experiencing spiritual communion.\n\n5. Example of an S/M ritual: Provide an example of an S/M ritual, such as the scene based on the act of chanting in which Dossie and her bottom sought release in their grief over a mutual friend and mentor they had lost to AIDS.\n\n6. Edge play and the role of the top: Discuss the concept of edge play and the role of the top in heightening awareness and guiding the bottom through the ritual. Mention the importance of clean intentions, clear boundaries, and mutual openness.\n\n7. Ritual practice: Provide guidance on how to make an S/M scene into a ritual, including creating a sacred space, cleansing the participants and the space, creating a focus with candles, music, and other objects, and choosing carefully who and what is allowed close to you in ritual space.\n\n8. Planning and negotiating: Discuss the importance of negotiating the ritual just like any other scene, taking into account the needs and limits of all parties involved. Mention that an S/M ritual may or may not incorporate genital sex, pain, or opening the skin and that good ritual has a beginning, middle, and end.\n\n9. The power of ritual and magic: Emphasize the power of ritual and symbolic acts to manifest energy in the real world, bring spirit into the bodies and onto the planet, and realize personal power. Warn against treating ritual frivolously and stress the importance of mindfulness and respect.", "response": "\n\n16\n\nS/M SPIRITUALITY: FROM THE TOP\n\nSex is spiritual. We live in a culture that has historically insisted that sex and spirituality are mutually exclusive, in a country founded by puritans who were convinced that God hated sex. But as radical perverts, our experience and our belief is that sex is spiritual, and that a simple honest orgasm is a spiritual experience.\n\nSexuality has been a path for both of us \u2013 the road we originally took to question our individual and social programming. Discovering the ways in which we as women could grasp our sexuality was a powerful way to heal from our childhoods and from our sex-negative culture. We have proceeded from that healing to further self-exploration, and to celebrating our spirituality in the practice of S/M.\n\nMichel Foucault, a 20th-century philosopher whose insights into the relationship between power and sex have informed a great deal of current thinking about BDSM, tells us that attempts to distinguish and set apart specific \u201csexualities\u201d are an artifact of a culture that fears and fences off sex, especially unusual sex. Your authors believe that if our culture truly accepted its sexuality, we would all instinctively understand that sexual energy flows through everything all the time, like spiritual energy, like the life force, like the Tao, like a river. The cosmic river flows through each of us, bearing nourishment, washing away what we no longer need, making us wet. With S/M as our boat, we can travel on that river to and beyond our wildest dreams.\n\nSHADOW AND SPIRIT\n\nRemember the diagram in the previous chapter of Carl Jung\u2019s map of the human mind? Jung understood spirituality as both a personal and a universal awareness that he called the Collective Unconscious. We told you before about the Shadow, that dark and scary reservoir of everything we have decided to banish from our awareness. And in this murky realm we find the archetypes we play with, the pantheons of villains and rescuers, that offer us scripts for exploring our Unconscious minds, and ultimately that Collective Unconscious. We explained how we use S/M to explore our darkness, illuminate it with our clear awareness, and reclaim forbidden territory as psychological healing, a way of becoming whole. And all of this is spiritual.\n\nWhen we add ritual to our S/M, performing it with spiritual intention, we can travel deeper yet\u2026 beyond the personal unconscious mind and into universal consciousness, or spiritual awareness. So the shadow, our personal garbage pit, becomes the gateway through which we pass to travel in realms beyond ordinary consciousness, like Crow who dances between the worlds.\n\nS/M RITUAL AS SPIRITUAL PATH\n\nRitual S/M is edge play directed to the purpose of attaining altered states of consciousness, of traveling beyond our habitual perceptual screens to another way of being in which everything becomes special, extraordinary, brilliant. Goals for such a scene might be a quest for guidance or a vision, the pursuit of personal truth and understanding, or the experience of spiritual communion for its own sake.\n\nS/M players have devised rituals for these purposes by mixing our sexual exploration and our own personal mythologies (our S/M roles and stories, like The Kidnapping of the Pleasure Slave) with spiritual practices we learn from other traditions: kundalini yoga, the rites of Kali, vision quest, wherever we find the images that help us manifest what is beyond our ability to imagine. Take, for example, a scene based on the simple act of chanting. Dossie recalls:\n\n> My bottom and I were in deep grief over a mutual friend and mentor we had lost to AIDS, and we had decided to seek release in ritual S/M. I tied her to a padded table and flogged her to the point of weeping, all the while chanting \u201cOm Krim Kalyae Namaha,\u201d an invocation to Kali, the terrifying Hindu goddess of death and birth. As I struck with the whip in rhythm with the chant, I felt myself go into trance, the words of the chant serving to occupy my conscious mind, leaving me free to feel the energy flowing through the whip, my bottom\u2019s grief surging beneath me, until I felt in myself Kali the inexorable, the implacable force of nature which dictates that everything we love must die. My partner struggled with her grief, writhing and thrashing, held safe by the bondage, and wept copiously, chanting \u201cJaia Ma,\u201d an invocation to the Mother goddess, over and over, until both of our grief and despair had been fully poured out, and we had reached a sense of exhausted peace with the universe. The Hindus say of Kali that there is no way to understand her, no logic to explain her, no justification \u2013 she is like a storm, we have no choice but to love her, and in that love, come to acceptance of our human condition.\n\nEDGE PLAY. The edge in edge play is found wherever your edge is, wherever things start to feel risky, where you start to feel vulnerable, the edge of the cliff that looks over your personal abyss. Playing on the edge challenges the top into heightened awareness. A bondage top of our acquaintance specializes in rope suspension, the art of hanging a bottom in mid air supported by nothing but rope. The challenge of playing on the edge of her skill and knowledge brings her into her top space, and awakens her psychic and spiritual power. Sometimes she has visions and sees animal spirits. She sees her task as to open and balance the body so the spirit \u2013 kundalini energy \u2013 can flow through freely. When the bondage sends the bottom flying, sex may have a place as a grounding sensation, bringing the person back into his or her body in a state of bliss. In the balance of bondage, we play with suspension, with suspense, with gravity, with the energy of the entire planet.\n\nPeople experience spirituality in many different ways, and all of them are valid. It has been said that any path, walked with mindfulness and honesty, can lead to enlightenment. What different descriptions of spiritual awakening often have in common is the feeling of casting off everyday consciousness and opening to beautiful, potent energy from inside or outside yourself. BDSM has the power to open up perceptions so that you can see more than you usually do, become hyperconscious. Imagine the slave who is completely attuned to his master\u2019s needs, wants, and whims, reading signals with extraordinary accuracy, predicting a desire before it even becomes conscious. Now imagine that hyperawareness extended into the outer and inner universe\u2026\n\nLet\u2019s not forget that ordinary consciousness is really extraordinary too, a miracle whose workings we have not even begun to fathom. Even our defenses, that we complain about when we have difficulty opening up, should be honored, because they form the skin that protects and contains us. Our ego is both our mask and our means of communication, how we define the boundaries between ourselves and the person beside us, how we hide and how we show ourselves. So honor your defenses, your shell, your mask, even when you are in the process of putting them aside. Thank them for protecting you.\n\nROLES IN RITUAL. To top in ritual S/M, you need to be a responsible guide. You need to train yourself, develop your own spiritual practice, and educate yourself far beyond what you can learn from reading this one chapter in this one small book. You must be ready to care for your bottom, to operate from your own most serious wisdom, to trust and honor your bottom\u2019s wisdom, and always to empower your bottom. To use ritual to aggrandize yourself or to bolster your flagging ego by belittling your bottom is unethical, and a violation of sacred space. The priest\u2019s role is often to serve the communicant.\n\nWhen both people in a ritual let their masks down they recognize one another in a way that permits that validation of all the parts of themselves. They may express those parts as personae they have discovered through the archetypes, the images of the divine manifest in human form that we call gods and goddesses \u2013 or they may simply feel what is absolutely real, needing no further definition.\n\nStart by knowing yourself, and knowing your intention. Be clean in your intentions, and keep the boundaries clear. Respect that the bottom is allowing you to come into his or her most precious places, opening up to allow you deeper contact, contributing spirit and courage to this journey.\n\nS/M ritual requires mutual openness, which means that you, the top, must also be willing to expose yourself, to get vulnerable, to make connection. It is possible to open a bottom\u2019s psyche up with good ritual technique, but to pour yourself into him when he is open, and to allow him to pour into you, requires that you be open too. When you open the energy in yourself it becomes a light by which you can find that energy in another. You put yourself in a position that requires empathy and psychic connection, and so you are more likely to find it.\n\nThe top starts out as a caretaker, and that task and the empathy it requires can open up the dance for you. When we set out to teach a spiritual truth to another, we must consciously grasp our own wisdom: the final stage of learning is to teach what we know to another. The skilled top becomes the shaman, the dramaturge, the spirit guide, the magician who pulls down energy from the cosmos. The bottom contributes to and shares in that energy as you send him or her out spinning into personal visions, while you, as top, get to ride your bottom\u2019s energy and discover yet more of your own potential, your potency, your power. When we see our spirit reflected in the magic mirror of our bottom\u2019s glowing eyes, we become free to realize the god/dess within.\n\nRITUAL PRACTICE\n\nSo how do you make an S/M scene into a ritual? A ritual is the performance of a series of symbolic acts that work like keys to change our state of awareness. To do ritual successfully, we begin by creating a sacred space, a place free of interruptions or everyday constraints, a safe space of mutual trust and respect, an optimum space to focus on the journeying. We clear the everyday stuff out of the way so we can feel the subtler energy of spiritual consciousness.\n\nStart with cleansing both of you, individually or together. A bath scented with fresh lemons or a bubble bath will do fine \u2013 it\u2019s the attention you focus on the cleansing that achieves it. Imagine washing all the tension off and letting it gurgle down the drain. Let your attention travel over your entire body, feeling how the warm water relaxes each part, allowing vibrant energy to fill you up. Visualize each little source of tension, each little worry, each little attachment dissolving and flowing into the sea.\n\nPack up all your cares and woes\u2026 try writing them on a piece of paper and putting the paper in your freezer for a time. Respect your cares by promising them that you will return to pick them up again when your ritual is over. They may be different by then.\n\nCleanse the space, the room in which you will play out your ritual. Sweep, dust, remove dissonant objects, bring in fresh sheets and towels, sweeten the air with herbs or incense. Perform these humble acts with all the consciousness you can bring to them.\n\nCreate a focus in the space, a setting for your journey, with candles, music, pillows to nestle in, perhaps an altar of objects that carry special significance. In time you may develop your own symbol system \u2013 images and stories, deities, crystals, bones, whatever resonates for you \u2013 your personal symbol structure is your web of connection with the flow of nature and the divine, keys that open the doors to heightened states of consciousness.\n\nIn ritual space, choose carefully who and what you allow close to you \u2013 when your mask is off, you are both more open and more vulnerable. As we cleanse and protect our sacred space, we build a safe hearth to contain some very wild fires.\n\nPLANNING AND NEGOTIATING. Rituals get negotiated just like any other scene, by talking about what is important to each of you, preparing to validate and respect everyone\u2019s needs and limits. An S/M ritual may or may not incorporate genital sex. It may or may not incorporate pain. It may or may not include opening the skin. And then again it may. You can ritualize anything by doing it with intention, and you give a special significance to instruments that you employ in ritual. So clean all your toys too.\n\nThe physical focus of a ritual might be a flogging, or other intense stimulus to raise endorphins. Bondage can be ritual in and of itself, a meditation on rope and constraint, muscles and limbs, balance. You can open the skin with piercings or cutting, for the sensation of it, to imprint a mark of symbolic meaning, or to connect through that opening.\n\nGood ritual has a beginning, a middle and an end. It starts by defining where you are, by cleaning and by forming a circle or enclosed psychic space, and by defining your intention \u2013 perhaps with a statement to your partner, perhaps with an invocation to whatever deity has relevance to your purpose. In the middle you perform the acts you have agreed upon, and see where they take you. The end is closure, in which you return to normal consciousness, often by going back over the symbolic path that you walked in the beginning, thanking the powers and deities on the way, and returning any energy you may have raised that you can no longer use. Some players offer that energy to the greater good, like world peace or healing the environment: the Buddhists call this a dedication of merit.\n\nRitual works. Symbolic acts have real consequences in our lives, the power of pulling down energy to manifest in the real world, of bringing spirit into our bodies and onto the planet, of realizing. It is dangerous to treat ritual frivolously, as if symbolic acts won\u2019t change anything. Magic works. Take care, be mindful. Have respect.\n\nWe are using the metaphors of power and cosmic energy interchangeably, because our understanding is that personal power is the universal life force, power that we can access whether we envision it as coming from within or from outside us. Janet, when a scene is working well, feels energy from some external source pour into her like white light \u2013 others report seeing that light in her too. When this is happening, she feels as if she can do no wrong, that she is totally connected to what she is doing with her bottom. Dossie feels the energy welling up from within herself, or perhaps from underneath her, power from the earth\u2019s hot molten interior, and when that power is with her she also feels totally empowered and in total communication with her bottom.\n\nWith that power \u2013 personal, planetary, cosmic \u2013 comes the understanding that we are all manifestations of the same energy, and that we have the power to change how we manifest ourselves. This is the power of transformation, and of transcendence. To manifest is to realize, to make real and thereby understand. In S/M we take a fantasy, a myth, a vision or a dream and manifest it, live it out in our bodies, sculpt it with the forces of endorphins, eroticism and consciousness, and bring it into the material world.\n"}
+{"input": "  Write a section for a book on \"The Light That Shines in the Darkness\" that explores the following themes related to BDSM and personal growth:\n\n1. The connection between sadomasochism and heroic myths: Discuss how sadomasochists are always playing out heroic myths and exploring altered awareness in their practice. Emphasize that all BDSM is to some degree ritual, a voyage of self-discovery, and a journey through the darkness and toward the light of transcendence.\n\n2. The importance of entering the darkness: Explain that the darkness may be of our own creating, but we still cannot see what is in there until we are courageous enough to enter it. Describe how our own consciousness becomes the light that shines in the darkness and illuminates our inner landscape.\n\n3. The archangel Lucifer: Discuss the concept of the archangel Lucifer, who is often pictured as a frightening goatish demon of evil and darkness. Explain that the name Lucifer actually means light-bearer and that he is the fallen angel who goes into unfathomable darkness with an unquenchable light inside him, carrying the power of the villain and of the emancipator.\n\n4. The transformative power of darkness: Describe how the darkness of the earth, in the cool depths where seeds germinate, is where the material of waste and decay is transformed into fertilizer for new life. Explain how, in an S/M scene, personal demons can be evoked to dig up the darkest and most difficult aspects of life's journey and transform that \"shit\" into a \"rose garden\" through the magic of erotic energy.\n\n5. The role of the magician and the cauldron: Discuss the concept of the bottom as the cauldron in which the magician (the top) performs their miracles. Emphasize that S/M is sex magic and that the practitioners are the magicians, who can turn lead into gold, misery into exaltation, bondage into liberation, and sex into revelation through their interaction and magic.\n\n6. Conclusion: Wish the reader a great journey and offer blessings for a transformative and empowering experience in their exploration of BDSM and personal growth. Sign the section with the names of the authors and the date of publication.", "response": "\n\n17\n\nTHE LIGHT THAT SHINES IN THE DARKNESS\n\n> Who tells me Thou art dark\n\n> Oh my Mother divine?\n\n> Thousands of suns and moons\n\n> From Thy body do shine!\n\n> \u2014 translation of a Hindu chant to Kali\n\nWe sadomasochists are always playing out heroic myths, and exploring altered awareness. What lies beyond the edge, over the cliff? The journey leads into darkness, into the unknown, where we must walk with care because we cannot see our footing, like exploring in caves deep under the earth. Thus, all BDSM is to some degree ritual \u2013 a voyage of self-discovery, a journey through the darkness and toward the light of transcendence.\n\nThe darkness may be of our own creating, but we still cannot see what is in there until we are courageous enough to enter it. Then it is our own consciousness that becomes the light that shines in the darkness, that illuminates our inner landscape as if we carried spotlights in our metaphysical (or metaphorical) eyes.\n\nThe archangel of the territory of the Earth is Lucifer, often pictured as a frightening goatish demon of evil and darkness. But the name Lucifer actually means light-bearer; he is the fallen angel who goes into unfathomable darkness with an unquenchable light inside him, and who carries the power of the villain and of the emancipator.\n\nIt is within the darkness of the earth, in the cool depths where seeds germinate, that the material of waste and decay is transformed into fertilizer for new life. When we evoke our personal demons in an S/M scene, we dig up the darkest and most difficult aspects of life\u2019s journey, and with the magic of erotic energy transform that shit into our rose garden.\n\nS/M is sex magic, and you are the magician. The bottom is the cauldron in which you perform your miracles. Wave your wand, and make magic happen\u2026 as you mix your bottom\u2019s power and your own, heat them up with the fire of passion, and with that potent precious power turn lead into gold, misery into exaltation, bondage into liberation and sex into revelation.\n\nSo have a great journey, with our blessings \u2013 and more power to you.\n\nCatherine A. Liszt\n\nDossie Easton\n\nJanuary, 2003\n"}
+{"input": " Write a resource guide section for a book on BDSM that includes the following information:\n\n1. Introduction: Explain that this section aims to provide a starting point for the reader's journey in exploring BDSM further. Mention that not all excellent resources can be included and encourage the reader to seek out additional information on their own.\n\n2. Books: List a selection of recommended books on BDSM, including their titles, authors, and publishers. Note that some of the best books on BDSM might be out of print and that readers should consider seeking out used copies if possible.\n\n3. Periodicals: Provide information on BDSM-related periodicals, including their names, publishers, and contact details (such as website addresses or mailing addresses).\n\n4. Organizations: List various BDSM clubs, organizations, and support groups, along with their names, websites, and mailing addresses.\n\n5. Websites and online resources: Include a list of websites and online resources that readers can use to find additional information on BDSM, such as links to hundreds of BDSM clubs and organizations, munches, and other resources worldwide, as well as online discussion forums and newsgroups related to BDSM.", "response": "\n\nRESOURCE GUIDE\n\nWe can\u2019t possibly include all the excellent resources \u2013 print, online and groups \u2013 that can help you in your journey as a bottom. Please consider this section as a jumping-off point so you can go on making discoveries on your own.\n\nBOOKS\n\nNote: Some of the best books on BDSM are currently out of print. We encourage you to seek out used copies if possible.\n\nComing to Power: Writings and Graphics on Lesbian S/M, by Samois. Alyson Publications, Boston.\n\nThe Complete Guide to Safer Sex, Ted McIlvenna et al. Barricade Books, Fort Lee, NJ.\n\nConsensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely, by William A. Henkin, Ph.D. and Sybil Holiday. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nDifferent Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs. Random House, NY.\n\nExhibitionism for the Shy, by Carol Queen. Down There Press, San Francisco.\n\nJay Wiseman\u2019s Erotic Bondage Handbook, by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nLearning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S-M Lovemaking by Race Bannon. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nLeatherfolk, edited by Mark Thompson. Alyson Publications, Los Angeles.\n\nLeathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player, by Joseph Bean. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nThe Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia. Alyson Publications, Boston.\n\nThe Loving Dominant, John Warren. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nThe Master\u2019s Manual, Jack Rinella. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nPartners In Power: Living In Kinky Relationships, Jack Rinella. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, by Philip Miller &Molly Devon. Mystic Rose Books, Fairfield, CT.\n\nSensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Lovers, by Pat Califia. Cleis Press, San Francisco.\n\nSM 101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nThe New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.\n\nTies That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style \u2013 Issues, Commentaries and Advice, by Guy Baldwin. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.\n\nPERIODICALS\n\nPrometheus. Published by The Eulenspiegel Society. www.tes.org, or TES, PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-2783.\n\nORGANIZATIONS\n\nBlack Rose, Washington, DC. www.br.org.\n\nThe Eulenspiegel Society, New York. www.tes.org, or PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-2783.\n\nGay Men\u2019s SM Activists, www.gmsma.org.\n\nLesbian Sex Mafia, New York. www.lesbiansexmafia.org.\n\nNational Leather Association International. www.nla-i.org, or 4038 Cedar Springs Road, #961, Dallas, Texas 75219.\n\nThe Society of Janus, San Francisco. www.soj.org, or P.O. Box 411523, San Francisco, CA 94141-1523, 415-292-3222\n\nWEBSITES &ON-LINE RESOURCES\n\nwww.domsubfriends.com offers links to hundreds of BDSM clubs, organizations, munches and other resources worldwide.\n\nThe Usenet newsgroup soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm is a freewheeling open discussion of all topics related to BDSM (and quite a few that aren\u2019t).\n"}
+{"input": " Write a poem about the power and beauty of screaming during intimate moments. The poem should:\n\n1. Begin with the word \"Scream\" to immediately capture the reader's attention.\n\n2. Describe the scream as originating from the person's lungs, filling their whole body.\n\n3. Express the scream as a release that the person can't contain or let out.\n\n4. Connect the scream to a storm that blows through the person, like wind and smoke.\n\n5. Mention that the scream is so large that others around might feel the need to take in air.\n\n6. Express the speaker's love for the scream, emphasizing its emotional impact.\n\n7. Describe the scream as moving through the person's beautiful body, particularly their tears and holes.\n\n8. Mention the collective power of screams, referencing all those who have ever screamed.\n\n9. Encourage the person to scream into the speaker's mouth, cunt, and clever hands.\n\n10. Encourage the person to scream into the poem itself.\n\n11. End the poem with a tender request for the person to scream for the speaker when they suffer for them.", "response": "\n\nSCREAM  \n  \nBY JANET W. HARDY\n\nfrom lungs that fill your whole body\n\nScream\n\nbecause you can\u2019t keep it in and you won\u2019t let it out\n\nScream\n\nthe storm that blows ocean through you, wind, smoke\n\nScream\n\nso huge I have to suck in air to help\n\nI love your scream\n\nbecause you scream tears into my eyes\n\nI love your scream\n\nbecause it howls through all your beautiful holes\n\nI love your scream\n\nbecause of everybody who has ever screamed\n\nScream into my mouth\n\nScream into my cunt\n\nScream into my clever hands\n\nScream into this poem\n\nLover, when you suffer for me\n\nScream for me\n"}